How Do Drug Addicts Manipulate You (and themselves)

[@PutTheShovelDown]

☝️To learn more about setting healthy boundaries with an addicted loved one, watch this next: 📣 kzbin.info/aero/PLaaJWwIpP_zaSO2T0UAQ7X5elGVsphwIV

[@lukedemakos5195]

thank you

[@stephiemarie6225]

Yup. My ex fiancé is a heroin user and put me through this emotional trauma for 4 years. The last straw was when he started sleeping wit someone who probably does drugs with him. When I found evidence of her he literally said I MADE IT UP and that IM CRAZY.. just heart breaking. I was really holding on to the fantasy he was gonna change for me. Instead just kept regressing . Your videos are helping me with closure. Thank you

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I'm glad to know these video's are providing at least a little comfort in your very difficult situation!

[@meganlarsen3797]

Omg...the regression is real! Watched my ex do the same thing! I swear they have the same playsheet

[@TeaRose9]

Your statement saying all addicts lie is clearly the truth.

[@deena3003]

I have seen them all. Its frustrating to deal with someone thats an addict. Its best to not play that game and escape that addict.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hey Deena, it's good that you can recognize the manipulation. That way it won't work on you!

[@lindadoane2249]

They lie when they need something.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

So true Linda!

[@sandimiller5187]

Hsband: whatcha doing? Me: Binge watching Amber Hollingsworth Husband: aren't you supposed to be studying for your crs exam? Me : I am Husband: I thought your stuff was in books Me: they are. this is better.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

😂 you just put the biggest smile on my face! 😆😆😆

[@sandimiller5187]

@@PutTheShovelDown so glad!

[@DAVIDV20101]

I am a year sober but when I was in active addiction I kinda had a certain excuse to get money from my mom, so I would try to keep her isolated from the rest of the family so they couldn't compare notes and she would realize what was going on

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thank you so much for sharing some of your story with us David! It's very helpful for all of us

[@anthonyfuscellaro233]

How about the disappearing act when the attention is on them and they become ashamed of themself? My ex girlfriend and my mom would do this. They go missing for days at a time to make you worry about them, then come back and let the fact that you were worried about their safety overshadow the issue at hand…them.

[@emmajane646]

Yep! My boyfriend goes missing in the night when drinking so I don't focus on the alcohol but the disappearance. He does this so many times that all I care about is his safe return home. I wonder what would happen if we disappeared the same way and gave them a taste of their own medicine?

[@katierosealexander8132]

My partner does this, completely withdrawals and disappears

[@Silentsister]

Now the middle child is telling me she "doesn't have what me, her sister and dad have". While I watch her destroy her life in denial of her deeply embedded alcoholism. She lives in this house, doesn't answer the door, thinks she can BS the BS'er, (me), disappears for a while, isolates and it's so sad to watch/experience because I've been there and did that! Her sister is in prison for dumb drunk junk. Her dad is red and bloaty- looking really alcoholic and ill. And me? Sober for almost a decade. Helping others through coaching because I walk the walk in 12-step, changed my life in one step beyond (recognizing thoughts and emotions)- which is what I teach, and observe myself learning new HSP filters so I don't get depressed and distracted by all of these magic tricks in the world of addicts- the real pandemic in this world!!! I've walked both sides and it truly gets better when we insert the new thought into these icky loops. Beginning with 2 facts- say to self, I am the common denominator in my relationships, and learn that there's a fine line between compassion and enablement. When we can look in the mirror, and love the person we see as much as the people we claim to love, real change will happen. We can't change others, but we can change ourselves and how we react, think and create.

[@TheOnlliNeliBelle]

My husband is doing all of these. We have been together for 14 years, married for 10. And I am talking to a lawyer in a couple days for a divorce consultation. I have called him out and told him I am done with his lies, manipulation and hypocrisy (he's supposedly a God fearing Christian). Our kids and I will be so much better off without him.

[@rosejanet4066]

This was an absolute amazing, truthful, informative video! This has got to be 0ne of the most truthful, on the button videos I have watched on KZbin! My husband has demonstrated each and every one of these behaviours! We are now separated becuae of them! I spent 17 years trying to help him, he just isn't ready to not use drugs....and I cannot suffer at his hand anymore! Wish me luck! Thank you so much for this video! You are amazing!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Wow! You made my day with all your kind words. Thank you so much, Red Cherry!

[@m_d1905]

It's not mean to call someone out on their lying and tricks. Every addict I know lied to me, likely to avoid consequences or pain. The ones arguing are in denial about it. They can be chameleons.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

So true!!!!

[@SuperBlakes2]

Non addicts behave the same way. Addicted to not being accountable, responsible or honest. They don't have to take drugs or alcohol.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

True

[@Tbh19-n8r]

Painfully familiar with all of it. Thank you for helping me to understand.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks for watching Tsvety!

[@rachelhillier]

@@PutTheShovelDown you

[@veronicavincenzi9070]

I have been in a relationship with an alcoholic for about 4 years. Every time we have a stupid argument, right or wrong he can be, he disappears for weeks or months, saying I'm the one with problems, making me like I was a horrible person. Looks like he always prefers victory rather than peace. I really struggle trying to understand why he needs to behave this way, loving me then hating me just the second after. I don't understand if he projects into me his own guilt he has for himself or he just can't deal with the fact he's hurting me. I'm a child of an alcoholic and now I can see how much this has affected me and how much I'm codependent. Trying hard to recover myself but at the same time still I love him. Must have a very distorted vision of what love is. However, thank you so much Amber...I discovered your channel just few weeks ago and it's one of the few things that's really helping me to go on at the moment. You're amazing 💕

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I'm guessing he makes you the bad guy so that he feels justified to leave and use. It's probably not that he has to have victory, but more like that he has to have the substance.

[@stefancarlharmeling1867]

Thank you.. helping me to better understand the addiction that has infected my family for far too long...

[@PutTheShovelDown]

My pleasure, Stefan 😃

[@conycortescony2823]

you nailed 😉 my deceased husband was all of this. he finally passed away from O.D. unfortunately. then later on I met a guy, he is the most charming man I've ever met and also the most handsome. I thought we both felt for each other instantly, I saw in his face he was addicted to meth I confronted him and he admitted, I felt for the lies about him getting clean. after awhile he started to display all of what you said in the video 📹 but his symptoms were amplified. he was also very controlling and possessive, if he said something bad to me the way of him asking for forgiveness was to hurt me with bad words... I just couldn't do it and told him to stop calling me.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Goodness, you've gone through this nightmare twice!

[@cindyminchuk7536]

Oh my. I feel that I ha e gone through all of these and possibly still having them happen. Awesome information.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Glad you like it, Cindy! 😀

[@blessedone28]

I always see the angry personality in my boyfriend. He likes to start an argument all the time, especially when he is about to ask for money.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

That definitely sounds like a defense mechanism! Do you think he's does that purposefully or is it more of a subconscious thing? 🤷

[@blessedone28]

Put The Shovel Down I think he does it on purpose to go get high, then he leaves and I won’t see him till the next day . He will act as if nothing ever happened.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

blessedone28 well, now that you’ve got us on your side, you’ll be 5 steps ahead of his evil genius!

[@trishabackman9219]

If someone got mad about that comment, sounds like they may be in denial themselves. Everything you speak is soooo true. Smart woman!!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks for having my back, Trisha!

[@TeaRose9]

Thank you for explaining this soooo well. These are the behaviors that the addicts in my life have done for years. First my AH , then two of my children learned that exact behavior from their addict father and then they began treating me like he did , so they basically became him.

[@randman21]

My wife has every single one of these tricks up her sleeve. It’s really hard because she’s never had a problem with drugs, and I’m almost certain she doesn’t now. But she’s got this new coworker who is a couple of years out of rehab, and they hang out at her house all the time. Coworker just broke up with her baby’s father who she met in rehab. The friends that hang out at her house are all recovering addicts, except they just started drinking again. When I asked my wife to be there for her friend and guide her if shit gets crazy, she got incredibly defensive (one of her main tactics). Now she’s been at the in-laws for a week, which was a mutual decision. I’ve met this coworker once at the job, but have never been to the house. Haven’t even been invited, but coworker is constantly inviting wife on trips (psychedelic and road trips) with no consideration of me or our baby. After work, she does one of three things: 1)complain about work/anything else 2) go straight to bed 3) hang at coworkers house in another town until it’s nearly her bedtime, leaving me with the baby while she socializes, and then she’ll go to bed soon after. She’s selectively forthcoming with info, defensive and prideful, and wears different masks according to who we’re with. I think she’s used to her tactics working with her conservative and sheltered parents, but she’s just starting to understand how masterful I am at seeing through bullshit and reading trauma on people’s faces, and it drives her nuts. Like I said, no history of drug abuse, but she says she was a sex addict for a couple of years...no treatment or therapy since then so I’m aware some shady shit could be going down sexually, because she doesn’t give a lot of details. My guess is the coworker is falling off the wagon and unknowingly trying to pull people into it, but I just don’t know. I just get the neverending feeling that SOMETHING JUST ISNT RIGHT. We’re just going to spend some time apart and I’m going to let her do what she does so she can’t say I drove her into anything.

[@randman21]

I can’t help feeling that I shouldn’t share any of this, but fuck it, I’m lonely as hell and the person who I want to be talking to isn’t available for real talks.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I can't help but think you're right. I don't know what's going on, but something sure seems sketch!

[@delilasloan8914]

I can't stand when my husband puts his friends ahead of me and our four kids and everything. He is an addict and the minute someone shows up he goes to the shed out back and a bunch of druggies sit in there and shoot dope while I try to make dinner take care of the animals, take care of kids, and the house and work on the remodeling that we have going on...our water broke in February and is running the bill up and hasn't been fixed as of July. I get tired of competing with the friends.

[@specialstone9153]

Am sad for your situation, I have heard of the addicted one returning, have sex and five the spouse sexual disease and or other diseases.

[@anthonyrossmaund3161]

I had this problem today with my dr forgetting to refill my subutex and they told me it could be Monday to get it. I was in panic and getting myself sick in the process. What worried me the most is I was planning my relapse and planning on blaming the dr for messing up or being human. Thankfully he called me and apologized and called my prescription in. Roominating also i think tricked myself into withdraw. Im really tired of myself and the tricks I try to play on myself. Im working as an advocate for my peers on parole reform and people are depending on me now to help fix the system of parole and to represent them as human beings. I feel I will let down so many if I relapse or mess up. Thank you so much for your videos. I get so much here

[@shawnahall4582]

My daughter is a meth addict and she uses every one of these tricks.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Sorry you're going through that Shawna 😥 Here's a link to my playlist on boundaries: Hope this helps: kzbin.info/www/bejne/e3WZp6R7n5uHrJI

[@Younggrannyoftwo]

Sadly I've seen all these tricks with my wife . her mom passed away and she has been using that as part of her "act" . I don't wanna leave her but I can't take anymore

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Sometimes you just get to the end of your rope!

[@jeanetteeast7343]

I kicked my husband of 36 years out 2 years ago. It hasn’t been easy but I wish I would have done it 10 years ago. My advice is to get away and work on your own sanity.

[@agenteeamentepodcast2790]

Dont back down!! The truth is the only weapon we have. And its strong enough. Its amazing how everything is this video happen to everyone. Much love for everyone struggling.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks for your words of support, A Gente e a Mente Podcast!

[@rachelduke5697]

I think my husband is so good with all these “Magic Tricks” he should have his own show in Vegas Thank you for these videos it reaffirms our experience with addicts Sometimes they twist things around so hard and fast your head spins and you start to question yourself It’s helpful having resources and tools to recognize their tactics how to respond to them , understand why they behave the way they do and arm ourselves

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You are so welcome!

[@ruandahaasbroek1950]

Our main problem is that my son keeps stealing from us for his drug habit. We are beyond desperate. He doesn't deny using, but he refused help and we're to scared to put him out on the street as it is a dangerous area we stay in. He also uses these manipulation tricks to try and get money, otherwise he keeps stealing. We literally have to lock everything up, but somehow he still finds a way to steal our stuff😥

[@mirandasapphire8203]

New subscriber! I am currently a psychology major. Mental health/substance abuse is my main goal in the future with my education! I have been manipulated by addicts in my family before, so I feel (in my opinion), this is accurate! Thanks for using your platform to educate 💖

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Miranda, Welcome to our community. So glad you're here 😃

[@mirandasapphire8203]

@@PutTheShovelDown Thank you for welcoming me! 🤗

[@tamzar2440]

Interesting! Magic analogy while the Bible warns drugs equaling pharmacea 💡 and the Bible calls magic / TRICKERY

[@PutTheShovelDown]

It's definitely trickery!

[@faithfilledup3648]

I've seen just about EVERY single example NOT good

[@jmoonchild7682]

I have experienced all of these from an addicted friend. it is a tough road to walk down but right now I choose to.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Your friend is lucky to have you!

[@taylernoelle1]

The disappearing act. I'm all too familiar with that one. :|

[@PutTheShovelDown]

#Vanished

[@SKINIRVANA]

This could not be more accurate. It's chilling to watch as I have been on the receiving end of every single one of these tricks. I am still coming to terms with being duped. I would urge anyone in a relationship with an addict to watch this video because if you have ever doubted your sanity (because the addict will make you think you are mad), this will set you straight, and hopefully release you from the spell of deception before it's too late. Thank you for this channel.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Mary-Rose thanks for the positive feedback. I'm glad this video was helpful. Once you know how to spot the manipulation tactics they won't work on you anymore. You'll see it coming from a mile away! 😄

[@Silentsister]

•hug•

[@TeaRose9]

Same exactly.

[@TeaRose9]

Same for me in trying for years to cope with three addicts for years , I finally figured it all out and it is all clarified here.

[@BrightAsDawn]

My friend who has been living with me for 6 months has been doing this.... when I called DCF and did a wellness check on her where she refused treatment, she got arrested for assault three days later. According to her I am the one responsible for derailing her life.

[@tacnayn8245]

If I had known at the time that I was being manipulated, the chances of me having been an enabler would have drastically been lower. That’s the key to enabling. Your lack of understanding is taken advantage of. It’s literally just misguided concern but you’re made out to be someone you’re not

[@cootacash]

I don’t know why they get upset because they are liars and they don’t want to accept or look at how bad of condition their life is in and they like to manipulate you and keep you off topic and they can never show up and just be a regular family member without trying to find a way to get money out of you no matter what amount and yes it’s true they can seem to have mood swings that help benefit them to what they want it’s so true

[@shannonmccann148]

I have seen every single one of these…especially all of the personalities!

[@Moggy458]

My son has no interest in stopping his cocaine addiction, says he's here for a good time not a long time. He has been dismissed from every job he's had because he can't help himself stealing, taking liberties. He has robbed, lied and manipulated family members and then plays the victim. He's in his 30's now and with his addicted gf. It's a car crash waiting to happen. It's devastated our family

[@michelleszekely8358]

Ugh, I'm trying to understand and at the same time trying to warn the person not a relative who is financially broke so on trying to help my loved one.

[@Sufi_Alchemy]

I think this is very good, and Ive seen these tricks in the spiritual realm with someone who was dopamine addicted to spiritual content. Its the hypocrisy (deceit and lies) which destroys the other people around incl me. He used a trick of victimhood, kind of a mix of two tricks u mentioned: ”pushing buttons” and ”law of gravity #8” trick such that everytime he fails to follow the rules which are established, he kind of in a wierd way turns it around so everyone pittys him and forgives him and lets him continue even if its nothing but irresponsibility from his side. Pushing the button of ”sympathy and love” in others... took YEARS to spot and lots of pain and conflict to realize its not that he doesnt know the rules or any of that, he is just dopamine addicted to stuff and manipulates others around him.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Talib Bah, It sounds like you've got their number. These tricks aren't going to work anymore!

[@catherinemagee9800]

You are too funny ! In a really good way. I can identify with all of it ,lived with it for 11yrs with my son. I sure wish i could get help for myself and get that front brain thingy going.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Catherine! Struggling with an addicted child for 11 years will definitely mess with a persons front brain thingy! A lot of moms end up with some pretty serious anxiety symptoms.

[@catherinemagee9800]

@@PutTheShovelDown that for sure, my son passed 3yrs ago from an overdose,but im at peace with that he struggled for so many years was sober for 1 1/2 yrs and slipped

[@Justina2555]

A decade and a half later I'm about dead. He gets out of the pen Christmas Eve. I am terrified.

[@sharonchi4903]

I'm dealing with my son drugs addict he has all those behaviours as a mother I'm breaking down.

[@HelotesHellRaiser]

Excellent information- all true

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Is there anything you'd add to this list?

[@catlaw4466]

Omg nailed it! Excellent and extremely helpful! (Al-Anon mom/wife/daughter/granddaughter niece ....)

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Excellent! So glad you liked it, CAT!

[@66chrissymac66]

He said he was sober for a year, but I saw signs of old behavior…he says I’m totally wrong and then THAT distrust caused him to go back to drinking

[@sarahf3730]

Thank you so much. It helps a lot to understand how I got manipulated by my ex alcoholic partner of 4.5yrs. I ended my relationship with him a few days ago. It is hard to accept I have been lied on the entire time. Your videos really help me to understand the Whys and help to heal and move on.

[@janettripper3132]

I dated someone who I liked so much and cared for. He would lie to me about the stupidest things he didn’t think I could rationalize regarding business office policies or vehicle Registration fees in states outside the one we lived in. I have no idea when he’s going to hit rock bottom.

[@emmajane646]

My partner LITERALLY disappears in that he gets drunk and leaves the house in the early hours so I am more focused on his safety and where he is than his addiction.

[@richardmendoza5462]

She claimed she hasn't used and she fits seven of 8 signs could it be she may be narcissistic feeling all those characteristics also she calls it being fed up

[@PutTheShovelDown]

They could definitely be signs of other things as well.

[@supreme7057]

You just described my boyfriend.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Yikes!

[@christinecortes6342]

I totally agree with you when you say that addicts will walk all over you and not respect you if you can’t figure out they are lying and you don’t call them out on it .

[@meganlarsen3797]

My exes did all of these. The disappearing into denial is awful.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

💔😓

[@jennifermorris1627]

My husband told me he was microdosing on meth for his ADHD for years. I feel dumb for believing it because now so many people have told me there is no such thing as microdosing. He's using, period. He has become more aggressive, delusional and irrational lately. After many fights, I filed for divorce and it was just recently that looking back, I see all the deception and issues that were all related to the drug use.

[@wanmarwein6499]

i think i m feeling so good not being around my husband right now caues everytime i see him tears roll down my face he has become a beast

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Sounds like you definitely needed a little break!

[@wanmarwein6499]

@@PutTheShovelDown yes i needed that break and i m gonna used this break to love myself n my son let him deal with his beast and when the parties over he' ll be searching for help and try to be the good guy again but this time i don't know if i could help him becoz he has created a very big drama last night i quarrel with the dealer and told them to stop messing with me

[@wanmarwein6499]

Amber he's back again playing the good guy this time I want to change and all

[@carriefiore7973]

I’ve seen all these tricks and you explaining them was great

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Carrie! 🥰

[@hanzkaiden4696]

Thank you so much for this video I.have actually gone through all these with a partner that is an addict for over two years..watched lots of videos but this one was literally everything I've been through for a long time.. so thanks for making me not feel like the crazy one in this.

[@annasparks2055]

Thank you for this. I will never have closure. He left his lies written and I don’t understand why. He wrote down lies even about me and my family even though we never spent time with him. The only thing I could think is that he wanted to isolate my mother from us and keep her away from us so we wouldn’t convince her to stop giving him money. But knowing his mom believes his lies really bothers me and I don’t know how to get over my anger. I am so angry. But he’s gone forever and I will never get to know why.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

sounds like you're left with a lot of unresolved thoughts and feelings. They tell themselves and others the lies for so long that they believe them.

[@jennifergoble]

My spouse and my mother (not an addict but depression) use several of these. Deflection, denial, guilt trip, ugh. 😑 They push my buttons.

[@ALLEGEDLYPEARLGIRL]

Mine has hit on all of these. He can be falling down drunk and I can say your drunk. He will always say I'm not drunk just a little high. With alcohol. He falls all the time his head get ahead of his body. I just got a dui. He said he has quit but I can't count how many times he has said that and in about 4 or 5 months later it's on and full swing again.

[@robfrommich]

All people lie. Judgement day will be fearful for all humans. If you you have a strong back, carry the load of your neighbor, smiling. {)

[@juliemorehead3520]

I have seen this for twenty years! It is so true. Someone I know really well.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks for watching Julie, and especially for taking the time to leave a comment.

[@rafaelaruiz8825]

Everything was my fault not the alcoholic. He would say your always right and I’m always wrong when I would bring up bad behave. Or the false confidence of he can drive when he stone cold drunk and wouldn’t give up the keys.

[@mamakatz6340]

Long before I knew about my AH’s addiction I would call him Houdini (in my mind) for his miraculous way of getting out of doing something he didn’t want to do.

[@silvermaple-n6n]

Yes! They lie. Keep the clear info coming.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You got it, Fran!

[@bonnenaturel6688]

One has got to wonder why anyone keeps trying with these people. I know I am worn out and sick of worrying about the addict-will he harm another one of his pets, etc. He has been an addict/narcissist from ages 14 to age 62.

[@lucyoclarke]

Yes, Def recognising many of these! I've just fallen for his lies every time. I've got to see him for what he and who he really is now. Not who he was before. I've got to not believe a thing he says!!

[@bens3884]

They don't talk to you or care about what you like but when they need something from you they will contact you out of the blue. They will start with a bullshit conversation asking about something you like and then after a few minutes ask you for something they wanted all along.

[@MarkoSpeaks]

Sounds like the addicts (narcissistic ones) on fb pushed your guilt button bc you called them out on their BS!!

[@juicyjuice9955]

Spot on- each one- easy to identify in others; more so than myself ....I really enjoy your videos ❤️thank you so much

[@PutTheShovelDown]

So glad! Thanks j 😀

[@trishz9571]

I have a very complicated situation. My sister is an addict and is homeless. She has psych problems as well. She has been kicked out of treatment centers and homeless shelters. I can not take her in cause if all the negative consequences to my life. She lies, steals and can’t get along with anyone. She is now on the street and is getting beat up all the time. She blames me for her being homeless. I really need some help and/or advice!!!!! Any advice from everyone please.

[@latashakingshott6285]

If someone tells you there 10 years sober but sends you a picture of alcohol and is nice one day and mean when they don’t have money. Do you think they were lying about their addiction problem?

[@DestinationDionna]

Im so happy i found your channel

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi DestinationDionna! I'm so happy your finding value in our videos. Thank you for watching and especially for taking the time to leave a comment.

[@TaherehAkhavankarbasi]

You are amazing .i am not native english speaker .it s hard to me tofind out all words but it worth it to put all my mind into it . Thank you

[@erickpeck569]

I can recognize all of these tricks. Where I struggle is figuring out how to address them without ending up in the “Bad Guy” role. Like when my boyfriend tries to tell me that I’m not being honest about infidelity (I’ve NEVER given him reason to believe that I’m unfaithful). I try to explain that I’ve been honest, but he just WON’T believe it. He just constantly responds with increasingly crazy, unfounded, vague accusations and has a deep seated belief that he’s right … even though he has no evidence.

[@codeman7348]

Been there. Finally had enough of that BS and left him. Now I sleep peacefully knowing I don’t have to tolerate false accusations on my character 🙄

[@hannah3845]

My sister is a meth addict, and she claims that she's sober. She only stays around our family for 15 minutes, and she always claims that she has to leave.

[@Joyfaithjustine]

Yep lies! Even to themselves

[@Eyeamthewitness]

Hey Amber. How do you know if a partner loves you in a romantic relationship if you find out they were a severe closet alcoholic the whole long term relationship?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Take away all the behaviors that are related to the drinking and see what's left. It's possible for someone with an addiction to love you, but it's not possible for them to consistently put you first.

[@sarahf3730]

@@PutTheShovelDown I totally agree! As soon as they want to drink/ do drugs they just don't care about you

[@jonnymorken9006]

Amber. My husband and I have separate bank accounts. But "share" bills. He complains his boss doesn't pay him on time and never has money. I know where his money goes. Would you recommend calling my husband out on his lies when you know for a fact it is not true.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Jonny, Here's a video on that topic!

[@ladylibertywdc8324]

The magician renown & imitated the extreme escape tank etc was Harry Houdini.

[@privateprivate5302]

Again, this is all done and dandy to affirm people to know the tactics of a drug addict... But "don't fall for it" is NOT a solution for BREAKING them and FREEING the addict and STOPPING the behavior and the addiction... I truly appreciate the confirmations of what i already know and suspect. But what can I DO about it. Right now my offense is "just knowing"... But *How* can you break that behavior and being the addict back to a sense of normalcy It's great to know the strategies of the addict, it really is But what are the strategies to deploy to BREAK them

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Privateprivate5302. There are lots of videos on this channel about how to get through to an addict.

[@laurieriek6444]

I’ve seen most of these. Generally she uses my grandson to gain my sympathy.

[@faithfilledup3648]

WOW! Spot on Number ONE example 👍👍👍

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Tina, I'm so glad you liked it. I hope it was helpful for you.

[@kristinamelnichenko5775]

Great insight. Thank you for the video and intro the the book!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

My pleasure!

[@dmiller1770]

This is my trouble...I tried emailing ??

[@PutTheShovelDown]

D Miller hi D, I got your email the other day and responded. Did you not get it?

[@dmiller1770]

@@PutTheShovelDown no I didnt

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi D, I went to my email and tried to send it to you again. Let me know if you still don’t have it.

[@lorimast]

We have the opposite problem. My husband got taken to the hospital yesterday by ambulance for severe back muscle spasms. He got put on harsh narcotics and still feels some pain. He is being proactive, talking to others in the program. My fear is he will be addicted when the pain subsides. Please pray for us.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Lori Mast has he ever had a problem with pain pills in the past?

[@lorimast]

@@PutTheShovelDown he used to "play around with anything " a long time ago but alcohol was his main thing. He seemed to come off the heavy stuff well. He is home now and only taking a couple meds as needed.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

It sounds like he’s coming through it pretty good. But here is a video on that topic just in case you need it. kzbin.info/www/bejne/mWi2p4JteZeinMk

[@lorimast]

@@PutTheShovelDown thanks!

[@shiningbrightandrowjblox9087]

Your videos are extremely helpful! I have been struggling with my loved one and all these behaviors are right on! This info helps me understand I am actually not crazy, that these lies and behaviors are so intense I have been doubting myself...

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thank you so much for your positive feedback!!!!

[@caseyphelps1214]

Wow!!! I have been through every single one of these!! Struggling really bad with my spouse and his addiction. Your videos have blown me away!! Thank you for all of these !!!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You are so welcome, Casey! so glad they're helpful!

[@catherineobrian1790]

Is this situation helpless? I'm about to lose my partner of 2.5 years to his addiction that he will never truly acknowledge. He was sober for the first year due to criminal charges and then picked it up again and broke up with me due my desire for him to not use. We got back together and he was clean for about 6 months- the happiest times in our relationship because it was his choice to stop. Fall came and he wanted to be able to use again and fell back into heavy dependance/abuse and a deep depression. He says he is happy and doesn't use to be happy but i have never seen someone so depleted. He is unsure again if he wants to continue our relationship because of his desire to use ,when 6-7 months ago we were planning an amazing future and to move away from our college town. I feel so helpless and useless and can recognize every form of manipulation and lie but i take it too personally and it makes him angry. He seems to evade all forms of consequences despite having health concerns due to his addiction- he only pushes it. I am in uncharted waters here with my relationship practically ending in front of me and the person I love fading away. Everything I do is a point of contention and anger and I just wish I had some form of hope but I feel as if i am running out of time and will lose this amazing person

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Catherine, I think you might be a perfect candidate to be in our Online Family Recovery Academy. It’s a program where I teach families how to motivate their loved one to get sober (without being the bad guy!) it might be just. Exactly what you need. You should be able find a link to learn more about it in the description of this video.

[@MandMandLHML]

I have experienced every single one of these by my adult son.

[@renniesequin8106]

My oldest son is currently doing ALL OF THIS!

[@Arizona_lilly]

Great channel i used pills but I never became so bad like my exs who r homeless broke street huddling burning every every w

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Lilly!

[@TeaRose9]

All of this is exactly on point. I now feel so much clarity after trying to explain all of this for years as I was trying to figure it all out in dealing with the addicts in my life.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Welcome to our little community TeaRose! So glad you're here 🤗

[@jameshill3244]

Number 9, the vanishing wallet trick " I've lost my wallet, I know I had it with me when, etc. etc. etc. etc. "

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Bingo! 💯

[@tonimarroy9219]

Thx for all of your ideas and educational tips!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

My pleasure!

[@samsandyhenderson5798]

Should I let my son watch this?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

It won’t go over well if you’re using the video as a way of confronting his behavior

[@samsandyhenderson5798]

Not as a comfort but to show him what I as a parent and his other loved ones go through and possibly make him more aware of his behaviors and how true it is. And that he's not unique in this behavior.

[@dmix2263]

How do I get a book?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi D, Here's a link to my Amazon recommendations: You'll find the book under the category Addictions: It's called Smoke and Mirrors: www.amazon.com/shop/addictionrecoveryresources-hopeforfamilies *Bonus: Making a purchase using this link will help support our channel 😃

[@JamesWilliams-xf6ix]

How can find your videos on the lies and game's they play? and also I'm going thru this right now

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi James, Here's my playlist on manipulation. Hope this helps 😊kzbin.info/www/bejne/a5ynlK2BbpeZmqc

[@jodypixley6683]

Seen every trick you spoke of and there would be times I realized it 5 minutes after he walked out the door and I was like DANG IT ! HE GOT ME! Lol It's really scary because my addict has escaped the consequences a 1000 times and I know that it just means it's going to be something really bad when they can't get out of it ! One of his most used magic tricks was to catch me in the middle of me doing something that was takeing my total consentration and physically involved he would swoop in in a big hurry and need 20 dollars for gas while rideing with someone else makeing me think he ran out and the person helping him out with ride .And after a few minutes I realize that if he was out of gas he would have called me to pick him up and take him to go get gas ! Because that is the normal way he would always do it when it's real ! GEEZ!!!!

[@rocker76m88]

I fell for the same bs with my daughter for the past 7 years. I feel like such a fool now. She always asked me for money for food, clothes, metro card, or to pay her cell phone bill. She knew how to play me because of my good heart. I need to break the cycle.

[@jodypixley6683]

@@rocker76m88 well I said it was going to be bad and yes it's been ,my addict son was brought to the hospital for OD last Friday but they didn't narcan him because he would wake up and speak ,so they put him in a room to sleep it off so said ,at 5:30am they found him purple and had choked on his own vomit ,they say they don't know how long he was left like this , he was put on breathing machine and sent to bigger hospital in intensive care , so from sat till Monday he was in life support ,they took him off to see if he would breath and he did but would not wake up till Tuesday night , his arms swelled from the beginning and are still like that from septis which is highly possible for vomit inhaled into lungs , so still fighting that but he has woke up to very sick running 104 temps , he was moved from icu this morning but it's not looking good so he is probly going back , I just hope he doesn't lose his left arm , they are looking for blood clots which is also a number one for this situation , you name it has happened to him since Friday , I've been sleeping in my car in the parking lot because they wouldn't let me stay in ICU and u live to far to drive back and forth , I really can't put into words what I'm feeling but as long as I know I did what I could then I can and will live with what ever it is , The addict magic tricks that can trick themselves into not existing ! I love him dearly and addiction is a cruel disease , it affects everyone , God bless and hope your doughter gets help sooner than later , I'm sure she knows you love her

[@rocker76m88]

@@jodypixley6683 I am so sorry you are going through this. Be strong.. Sending prayers your way. God bless

[@emmajane646]

@@jodypixley6683 I hoped your son pulled through.

[@jodypixley6683]

@@emmajane646 He did ! It's been over a year he has been drug free , The consequences took a toll on him from overdoses and brain injuries ,the memory lose is the hardest for me , it's alot to fight so hard for them to survive and then not get to be much a part of their life, we we're so close , it's just hard but I'm so grateful , Thank you for your kind words

[@delilasloan8914]

My husband is a meth addict. He is suppose to be stopping but refuses to be in a rehab and refuses to go to therapy...when we went he decided the therapist was not fair because she told him the problem was addiction and not ME. He decided that she was favoring me and not being fair to him..so he stoped going. I still talk to her. So lately the problem is me. Everything I do or say is a problem. He changes facts of what happened in the past to blame me for anything and everything. He loses his keys and it's my fault. I asked him to stop allowing his friends in our house and tonight he had people in the house again and my purse came up missing...and he told me it was my fault because I did not watch my purse close enough. I asked with help deworming the cats tonight and he was suppose to after dinner...then his meth dealer showed up and from there I got mad and said I needed help and I'm tired of doing all the heavy housework and all the responsibility and it's not fair...there is a good chance I have a cyst in my arm and I am not suppose to be using my arm till my biopsy is done to find out if it's cancer...so I'm not asking for help for no reason at all...and that was all it took. Iv been called a bitch, an asshole, a piece of shit, a mother fucker, a liar, told to fuck off, told no one loves me, no one will ever love me, no one cares if I die, and if I ask for help again then I won't get help from him if I have cancer and I can just die alone...it is literally to the point where if I walk into the bathroom my husband will ask me why I am making up reasons to force him to look at me when he doesn't want to look at my disgusting face...and I'm just walking to the bathroom. I said I needed to leave my home if the name calling didn't stop. My husband said good, because I'm a bitch and he hates me and that I am doing it on purpose, and that I don't live my kids and that nothing is his fault because he is detoxing and all the name calling is because hes hurting and in pain from not having dope and I'm selfish and a bitch because I don't understand that he is an addict. I am to the point I want a divorce. I told my oldest son who lives with us that I am going to have to leave his dad and my husband came in the room with our son and said that he would shoot himself if I attempted to get a divorce. I am a total wreck. I have tests on my arm tomorrow and in a lot of pain and I don't take pain meds. I have been going through this for on and off for 13 years. I have left or he has left several times and I always go back or he comes back once I clean up all the misses. I want my life back. I don't feel like my husband will ever stop and I go through this Everytime he is out of meth...he calls those times getting clean...but really it just means he's out of dope till the dealer shows up. I also feel guilty. I feel like I am the one who is in the wrong. I feel like I should have just not asked for help or got mad that I never get help and maybe if I didn't ask for help with the cats it would have been okay tonight. I feel like everything is my fault ..and the thing is I have a bachelor in history and I go to church on Sunday and I have intelligent friends and no one knows I go through this at home. I can't talk to anyone because it's so embarrassing for people to know that I go through this. I'm also guilty of saying I'm going to leave and he doesn't think I will. The truth is I don't want to leave my son here and my pets. I always start to make plans and put plans in action to leave and then my husband is sorry and I feel guilty and I don't leave and then it happens again. I don't know why I'm writing this other then to write it down as you talk and I hear this video and notice so much that is similar as I write.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Delila, I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's typical that the addicted person blames someone else for everything. They focus on their resentments as a way of not dealing with their own shame. That doesn't mean that you should tolerate it. I'm just wanted you to know that it almost always happen.

[@janet4756]

I hope you, your son, and your pets left. ❤️

[@kattbaker7212]

💯💯💯 seen all of them ! This explains so much!!!

[@tammybisbee2423]

This is spot on.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Tammy.