Addictive Behavior (Dangerous Warning Signs You Should Never Ignore)

It's easy to dismiss aggressive behaviors when dealing with someone who is intoxicated or addicted. You tell yourself that your addicted loved one didn't mean what they said or convince yourself that they only behaved that way because they were intoxicated. But, there are some behaviors you should never ignore. Here are the top 10 warning signs of violent or abusive behavior.
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[@PutTheShovelDown]

⚠More on dealing with abusive behaviors: 👉kzbin.info/www/bejne/iIKvc2SIhst4fLs

[@tonibissett4570]

My spouse went into a rage because I saw him on a dating sight plus he's a crack addict. He called some really bad things. I left the house and stayed in a motel,I could not take the emotiomal abuseand tje funny thing is he tried to blame it on me gave me tje silent treatment

[@Susan_1]

@@tonibissett4570 That's horrible and yes my husband always blames me or someone but never himself. Take care💕

[@4globalpeacedotcom]

THANK YOU SOUL VERY MUCH!

[@4globalpeacedotcom]

WHAT TO DO WHEN THEY MAKE THREATS WHEN NOT DRINKING BUT ARE ALCOHOLIC? UNDER 2 DUI'S? = FAMILY OLDEST DAUGHTER ALWAYS HAS BEEN VERY AGRESSIVE VERY PATTERNISTIC RECENTLY THREATENED ME THEN TOLD ME THAT SHE HAS BAIL MONEY!

[@erikaweller4023]

@@tonibissett4570 my ex was doing the same stuff, and i had to leave a month ago. just got my new apt ready for august and staying with a coworker until then. ex still calls me with a stuffy nose, hoarse throat, and acting all tense. it's like when they feel threatened, the anger comes out because youre going to take their drug away. i never even said i was going to take it away, but i at least needed to talk about it.

[@autumn5252]

I’m just so tired. Husband is trying to quit on his own and drinks less but still drinks. He shakes most mornings and I can tell he is miserable. This week he decided I didn’t love him because I didn’t want to be around his stinky skin smell. He is just SO IRRATIONAL and I’m tired. 😔 thank you for all you do Amber!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

💗💗💗

[@veraguillory4480]

My ex went to Lord God and Lord Jesus helped him quit. He got baptized and just stopped drinking cause he was tired of waking up sick. And he wanted to be better for me and his sons, but other issues broke us up, and I try to be there for him to keep him good. He drunk the bitter red wine mostly, but would also drink gin, and whiskey at times. He was stuck in his pass and upset with his ex-wife.

[@ashleighdeniker4344]

I definitely understand how you feel, im going through with my fiance. It's just exhausting

[@Noneya.]

Stand up for yourself. Call out the behavior. Get mad and leave. Let him fight for himself so he can learn to care for you.

[@JT-wu4xv]

Withdrawal from alcohol can be fatal so I hope he is quitting alcohol under medical supervision.

[@kristinamelnichenko5775]

You’re a treasure Amber. Crazy to think how unaffordable treatment is and how many families are dealing with this alone. Thank you❤️

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I'm so happy to be able to help so many! There just isn't enough help out there for families!!!!

[@gwillis01]

I think that part of the problem is that there is too much vindictiveness and not enough compassion in American society in general. In my opinion, there are lots of people who want all addicts to die in the night while homeless rather than spend money on building treatment centers.

[@gmarie9507]

Couldn’t agree more, @kristinamelnichenko! Amber, these videos are so helpful. Thank you ❤

[@jdixon4594]

Please push your local Government to require Parity/Equality in Health Insurance, so that Mental Illness and Addiction are covered just like Diabetes and Cancer Treatment. Our Loved Ones and Families deserve it! Also consider joining your local NAMI Organization for support, training and advovacy.

[@janicerennie422]

Oh my gosh! These have all happened. The rage. Rage is so scary.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

It really is!

[@ms.currysneighborhood2462]

Thanks Amber. Yes, I've seen what you have described---delusional behaviors. While we supporters have the job to encourage, a NAMI guideline I follow is Keep Yourself Safe First. Any verbal or physical aggression or confusion is a medical issue that belongs in the realm of professionals and not merely fam or friends. NAMI family support groups teach supporters how to stay safe and get professional support for your loved ones.

[@aimeeweaver8383]

Just about every scenario you've mentioned here has happened in our home. We've learned over time how to respond to the crazy. I'm at the point of having to obtain a PPO. The worst thing that's happened is my son (doc meth) dislocated his younger sister's shoulder. This was in front of his children and they're no longer coming over due to the risk of witnessing more of the same. We've been able to remove all the belongings of my sons. Sadly he is homeless but has money from unemployment and has yet to get an apartment. Only hotels. It's beyond traumatic. I have a good therapist so I'm okay and I watch all of your videos. Very strengthening and appreciated!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

💗💗💗💗

[@jdixon4594]

Please push your local Government to require Parity/Equality in Health Insurance, so that Mental Illness and Addiction are covered just like Diabetes and Cancer Treatment. Our Loved Ones and Families deserve it! Also consider joining your local NAMI Organization for support, training and advovacy.

[@hilaryhislop4524]

I have finally left a relationship with someone who said he wasn't abusing substances his DOC was Meth, but his behaviors spoke that he was using substances. I told him if he truly wasn't using drugs he needed mental health help and I am so devastated that I had to end the relationship because I could not get him the help he needed and ended up having to get a stalking injuction to protect myself and my children. I pray and hope he finds recovery.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I'm so sorry you're going through this Hilary! Our prayers are with you. If you need some support, I have a free FB family support group. facebook.com/groups/familyrecoverysupport/members

[@tonibissett4570]

I found out something about my husband and he got really irate and the evidence was right there I brought it to light and he called me really nasty names ,so I left and stayed at a hotel for the night. When I came home he couldnt even look at me or talk to me. I did what was best for me.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Good for you! It sounds like he was starting an argument to deflect the situation!

[@windysmith7367]

@@PutTheShovelDown 17:19 broke up with my boyfriend 2 months ago. Can’t figure out if he is a narcissist or an alcoholic. He does drink a lot but we don’t live together so I can’t judge how much. I don’t think he was drunk when this argument occurred. He may had been in withdrawal. He used silent treatments, etc already. He was very moody and on this day we we’re discussing a behavior of his that had caused hurt. He ended up being angry and then escalated to a rage . I was scared and traumatized. He had never verbally abused me up until this point. We had been in a relationship a little over 2 years. He also smokes pot.

[@troberson5501]

@@windysmith7367 She has a really good video on narcissism vs addiction.

[@piersquarless7731]

I have been on the receiving end of the paranoia, it was terrifying

[@PutTheShovelDown]

It really is!

[@rylanrocks4u]

My ex escalated from drunk fighting to full on violent delusional psychosis in 2 weeks. They swore there people hiding in the house. Made death threats to people in my phone. When I wouldnt engage with them or get on the rollercoaster they flew into a bigger rage. It broke my heart, but I had to kick them out.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You made the right choice Rylan, You absolutely have to take those types of situations seriously!

[@junecaste8923]

What if both parties are doing it? I destroyed a painting his brother gave him out of anger related to his drinking.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Sounds like things have gotten to a really bad place. Living with addiction will definitely do that to you!

[@nicolejones9223]

I have been on both sides as well. Definently not smart on my end. Wish I had seen these videos years ago.

[@m_d1905]

It's funny how often we can know someone is using while they hide it from others. That's the point I start looking for the usual stuff, lying, "borrowing" money, unexplained absense. The clues are there, we need to look deeper.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

So true M_ D!

[@jennajennastrongandable5503]

After drinking, my husband spiraled angrily out of control over, what I believed was, a minor issue. He drummed up a fictional scenario that seemed paranoid and crazy. While it was happening, I was in shock and didn’t know how to respond, I tried to reason with him, which obviously didn’t work. The episode, although not Violent- just crazy, traumatized my older daughter. I cannot let it play out like that again! But what do I do? Is grabbing my children and leaving the house enough? I’d be scared to come back home that same night. He might be even crazier. But he didn’t threaten us and I don’t want to call the police. How would they handle it anyway? Help!

[@adrij1640]

Hi Amber, I just want to say thank you, and I have much love for you and what you're doing. You've been a treasured companion and fountain of knowledge during my difficult times. I appreciate you.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Wow, thank you, Adri! 🥰🥰🥰🥰

[@paulineclapp3599]

My husband and i deal with this to the extreme..i cant walk away because i feel like i have to "babysit" him to protect him and everyone else..calling the law or having him taken to hospital makes more angry at us. He is bipolar and alcohol amplfies his emotions

[@best._.vibess]

Hi Pauline. I have same situation too... He even want to broke up but in reality when is not totally drunk he doesn't think to separate😔

[@GeckoCkCkCk]

Yes, if you kill a violent addict in self defense, you will go to prison. My father had a friend who's brother was beating him and he shot him. My father went to the trial. The judge did not admit into evidence the hospital records showing facial fractures and broken ribs. If you might make a lethal self defense, it is much better to separate yourself from that person for the rest of your lives instead.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Wow! What ended up happening with your dad?

[@GeckoCkCkCk]

@@PutTheShovelDown My father wasn't the one who was beaten or prosecuted, he witnessed the trial. My father's friend was beaten and shot his own brother who was under the influence and beating and injuring him. My father's friend was convicted of murder, sentenced to way more years than he had life left. After more than 20 years in prison, he was compassionately released with terminal cancer and died shortly after release.

[@TheStrong2021]

I have been on the receiving end of this where my spouse has literally tried to and came just short of taking my life. He no longer lives in the house with me. It was an extremely dangerous situation. I wish I had seen these videos before 😢.

[@anderson49100]

It’s scary and I’ve learned to stay away or not be around for long. I think there is a mental illness going on.

[@spati0809]

My niece was in rehab and two week into detoxification she became very violent. Broke windows and literally bit the counsellor. She had to be psychiatrist evaluated and admitted. Definitely withdrawals and drug induced psychosis are very dangerous.

[@annaokie]

My ex would throw things across the room, kick small furniture over, threaten to get more violent, get in my face and clap loudly, intimidate. And then tell me that it takes two to escalate and that if it weren’t for me, he would never act that way. It’s so hard to walk the line between taking responsibility for my part in the conflict, but remember that the intimidation tactics are not my fault. I had to leave, we have a young son. The grief is unbearable at times.

[@norcherister5137]

The most delusional thing that my bf has ever said was his parents were DEAD when they were NOT. (And no, he's not estranged from his parents in any way that this could have been a metaphorical thing.) All their "end of life" plans are handled by some sort of trustee, from nursing home care if needed to burial arrangements. We had been talking about this, and I was just kind of musing aloud about what type of person this "trustee" would be, and how you would find someone to do that. (My family has always included children/family in end of life decisions) As I was just kind of musing to myself about that topic, he lit into me and for more than an HOUR talked about how his parents were dead, how he and his sister were going to have to go clean out the house and fight over "stuff", and I wasn't invited or going to be involved, and on and on and on. It was just....bizarre. This was more than 3 years ago, and his parents are STILL living, and at home. His drug of choice is alcohol. I swear some of the things that come out of his mouth are so incongruous with REALITY that it makes my brain actually skip a beat because I'm unable to process the ridiculousness of it all.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I know just exactly what you're talking about. I've seen it many times!

[@trollsnotwelcome7805]

So when you say don't ignore certain behaviour, what do you do?

[@amethystthescientist7716]

This one was powerfully helpful. Wow you just don’t know all the sides until you catch them in withdrawal. That little tid bit explained a lot. My experience was very threatening and out of the blue and scary. In one of your videos you explained how once they have their stuff they can actually be ok to deal with. Filling in the blanks for me a lot! Game plan: wide birth and protect yourself first!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

That's a good plan, Amethyst!

[@deborahstarman9874]

I had hands put on me which wasn't a norm. Game plan is a good idea.

[@deborahstarman9874]

It can go from 1 to 100 in about 30 seconds with narcotics. Puffy fish is a good analogy. You really kept me out of hot water. I remember why I left now.

[@LisaNorth-b6m]

Again, so glad I found you! You are a blessing! Thank you for helping me deal with so many emotions!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Happy to help!

[@AMM3.]

All very good points. I'm such a calm, loving person naturally. When I was high or even in withdrawal I was seriously dangerous to anyone around me.

[@wonderfulpeoplesavingtheearth]

i can't find your video about how to respond if alo is threatening suicide. if this is a repeated threat, is it effective to say something like well, you're slowly killing yourself now.

[@bassheadsunite1369]

I'm trying so hard for my fiance we got her clean from fentanyl but she continues to keep doing meth she keeps lying I tried everything being supportive loving keeping boundaries but nothing's working what do I do

[@AssyrianAngel16]

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@mattd4905]

Hi I am new on your channel. I grew up from a young age seeing all these signs apart from drugs they have never been a part of my life. As a result I have developed a fear of people that behave in such a way specially people that alow their emotions to overflow when they have had a drink, I do not trust them. But what I always do is try to understand why they behave the way they do to give me peace of mind

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Matt, Welcome to our little community. So glad you're here😀

[@johndoeredfeather9600]

What about when they don’t think they need help, refused meds also how long does weed take to leave the body and avoid withdrawals they turn to alcohol, there’s not much you can do, when they are telling you, they will come back and use substances again?please help, they are over adults over 21

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi JoeDoe Redfeather✋ That's a lot of good questions! Here's my playlist on motivating someone to take steps toward recovery. I think it's a good place to start! kzbin.info/www/bejne/l5XHfal3j6Z0o9E

[@Alisha-nl9qh]

This first sign happened to me tonight. He threw and kicked furniture at me and even threw a glass bottle at me, it shattered into pieces when it hit my ankle. My ankle is severely swollen. He also got in my face intimidating and pushed me down a few times. This is not the first time I have been through this level of escalation however this was the first time I called the cops. He had never threwn a glass bottle at me among other things and I was terrified. He had always thrown stuff at a wall and never at me. I feel so bad that he is sitting in jail right now. I have to walk on eggshells every time he drinks. I had no idea he had been drinking tonight. Since I was a young girl (I was abused a lot) my defense was always dissociation. I freeze.

[@nliquide1]

You don't deserve the abuse, you deserve to love yourself, feel love, get your power back, set your boundaries or you will be sucked dry. Your life , your happiness are the most paramount thing, you are on the this earth to live a life of fulfillment and learning. Love yourself first and seize a path that brings completion, peace and prosperity to you. ❤

[@carolrichardson678]

Where do we get help if he’s done all this.

[@debrasmith8860]

Very scary situation all I could do is call cops

[@carolsage4325]

What about physical abuse from a drunk spouse.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Carol, Take a look at this video. It's titled, how to deal with an angry drunk person. kzbin.info/www/bejne/jYjOlYNrmcqKe7s

[@Soberdogs]

Such a good video Amber some of those behaviors need to be looked at deeper than others and no matter how bad my addiction is certain things should never be said.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I agree completely!!! 💯

[@DarcyMarieTCB]

My ex did ALL of this. It was scary.

[@watchmanonthewall14]

My addiction is KZbin.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

We'll let you keep that one! 😋

[@kristinamelnichenko5775]

Would hiding keys be “physically blocking?”

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I think it's okay to hide the keys as long as it's not going to result in a major confrontation.

[@BeegirlsHoneyHouse]

Addict hiding keys to stop escape is not acceptable.

[@anderson49100]

I have seen the crazy eye.

[@mistydtaylor75]

My son is 25 and drinks vodka straight and has been . In Oct. He tried cold turkey. He ended up having a seizure bit his tongue. Was in hospital for week. He doesn't live in same town. But he has has 2 beautiful babies and they saw the seizure. He got out of hospital went right back. But he hides it like we don't know. I know. His girlfriend said she didn't know. How is it I knew and live 3 hrs away. And she sleeps next to him. They came this last weekend to visit. I saw what his girlfriend was. He's nice one min. They very rude. He says I don't give a f about them ( pointing to his kids). Im lost don't know what our family can do.

[@Susan_1]

I have a question about a handicapped man who is intimidating, name caller and down right hateful on a regular basis. Have you ever heard of the disabled person being the one you have to worry about? They also have a alcohol habit.

[@m_d1905]

An addict is an addict, handicap notwithstanding. They may used that to gaslight others into thinking you are picking on them. You may need to distance yourself from them if you feel threatened.

[@Susan_1]

@@m_d1905 Thats true a addict is a addict! Thank you

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Yes ma'am! Anyone can be abusive.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

💯

[@lisasileo3166]

My friend has bipolar disorder , he began smoking weed at 14. He still does, now 36. I wish he could quit because I don't believe it helps. ?). Anyway, it saddens me because he has asthma and smokes cigarettes too. I fear that he will have a short life. 😔

[@jessicaperez4763]

How do you talk or come at a person that is in withdrawal?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Very gently and I would keep it very short. They're not going to be in the mood for talking, so a conversation can go sideways very quickly!

[@Noneya.]

Leave them alone. Give them water and snacks. Show them a person that is happy without drugs. Share your experience with withdrawal if asked. Don’t believe a word they say.

[@coffeeandbooks2398]

Hello, would love to see a video about an active addict/alcoholic who completely disappears from his adult children. I recently divorced a violent alcoholic after 30 years (5 year divorce because of him). Our adult children sided with me. He changed his phone number and hasn’t spoken to them in 4 years. It’s like he fell off the planet. He started a new life with a woman who is also an alcoholic and it looks like his addiction has gotten worse (from what I’ve heard) This is a very weird situation and our children who are married are very hurt. They understand he is too toxic but nevertheless he is their father.On KZbin nobody discusses ever alcoholism’s effect on adult children. How do we go forward especially now that our first grandchild was recently born? Thank you so much for all of your videos and the information…love your channel ❤️

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Coffee and Books. This is a great suggestion. I'm putting it on my list of topics!

[@coffeeandbooks2398]

@@PutTheShovelDown Thank you!

[@LoveYou-le3yg]

Hi my name is Cortney. Can you do a video about “Cross Fading “ using pot then drinking. And how the brain works. That is a huge issue I am having with my boyfriend. Is it narcissistic behavior or just the drugs

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Cortney, I don't have a video about cross fading (interesting topic though). However, I do have a video about Narcissistic behavior and substance abuse: kzbin.info/www/bejne/fp7WiJqYaLSre7c

[@LoveYou-le3yg]

@@PutTheShovelDown yes all his arguments are narcissist. I did watch that video. I do feel it’s addiction induced. My friend told me that when you smoke pot then drink it gets you extra high and everything is “your fault” he was a benzo and hydrocodone and more addict.

[@anderson49100]

My daughter has intimidated me off and on for 26 years. She has warned me that i better never tell anyone about so she has told me. I do get scared cause she does it when no one is around to witness it. I stay calm and don’t react.

[@Trina4]

What do you do if they become paranoid? My nephew lives with us after his mom took his own life and uses fentanyl while on the methodone program and gets the paranoia too but he also is diagnosed with pipolar since he was 16 now 32 !

[@nahalsheikh2419]

What do you do when you confront and stop the escalated behavior in the moment to make a point that that’s unacceptable and shouldn’t happen again.. but the person’s memory of the event is completely different (while drunk and sober), saying they weren’t behaving badly which is why you confronted them, but because you confronted them they behaved badly. Even weeks later their story is totally different and factually false to point I don’t argue about the event details. But it’s extremely frustrating.

[@anderson49100]

I have grown up with these behaviors and have Learned how to defuse situation. When it happens I stay away as much as possible.

[@solic8048]

I've seen all these. It's hard to not get defensive r fall into the past stuff. Bringing up old things from years ago.. I've also done some of these.

[@Noneya.]

Thanks again for another great video! Keep it up!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

My pleasure, Noneya! Thank you for the kind feedback 😁😁

[@Taffi0623]

This might sound like a stupid question, but when someone is acting paranoid, is it a bad idea to tell them so? Like, kind of help them see that the threat does not exist?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

If someone is truely paranoid, telling them that won't work.

[@jdixon4594]

No stupid questions. Try this Listen, Empathize with their Reality, Agree on differences, I know you see, however you're safe, you're a good person etc... Partner for a solution.

[@justincampbell640]

Why does it escalate over time?

[@elisek6630]

I believe that by my own experiences on the receiving-end, it’s due to accepting the behavior at the beginning of the signs… unfortunately, when i’ve tolerated verbal attacks, they gradually turn into physical ones.

[@tinawashington2325]

Hello @Amber how do you deal with an addict being in denial? And refusing support

[@best._.vibess]

I have same problem...

[@tinawashington2325]

@@best._.vibess I hope you find help. I forgot I wrote that message. I hate subscriping to people that never respond. I am out✌🏿

[@best._.vibess]

@@tinawashington2325 Hope you find help too and all the best 🙏🏻🍀

[@tinawashington2325]

@@best._.vibess Thank you, you as well 🙏🏿

[@rolindajones2024]

Right. It feels like a dream or I’m lying

[@mariaguzman3269]

Hello my son went to detox for 5 days and he came back what do you think

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Does he have an aftercare plan?

[@Noneya.]

Your son will barely show his true self at 5 days sober. Hopefully he follows up with sober living or inpatient treatment. It takes work to be authentic and happy, but it is well worth it. Relationships will be restored and deepen as years go on.

[@rolindajones2024]

When he drinks. He stay up all night all

[@angelamcnabb514]

Can I send this one to my adult daughter ?

[@joyalways1179]

Yep, the orange jump suit was not very appealing.

[@rolindajones2024]

I wasn’t calling it alcoholicism

[@rolindajones2024]

Why do I feel it can happen to me

[@rolindajones2024]

Right! So I go to the other room

[@sandracid4987]

Thaaanks!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Welcome!

[@uhltx]

Please Needed some advice for my teen son about withdrawals and some psychosis withdrawals 🙏 ( spider crawling, shadows, etc... started when he was admitted at rehab -30 days... now he is home and has been honest with parents ). Just in time video :)

[@PutTheShovelDown]

This video may help with that topic: kzbin.info/www/bejne/bHSnq6CimdKokNk

[@tonibissett4570]

He couldnt look.at me when I came home.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

😥

[@tonibissett4570]

my opinion he was guilty and ashamed