How Addicts and Alcoholics Use Gaslighting to manipulate you into thinking you're crazy.

Does your addicted loved one make you doubt yourself (and your sanity)? In this video, we'll discuss how addicts and alcohols use gaslighting to manipulate you into thinking you're crazy. You'll learn how to spot gaslighting and protect yourself from it. Click this link to get access to my entire playlist on MANIPULATION TACTICS: • Dealing With Manipulat...
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[@amber4778]

I am so glad I found this channel bc I was feeling so alone. Not having anyone who understood and me doubting myself so much. Everything you have talked about I have been through with my significant other. I am so grateful to have this channel to help me see I am not alone in this. Its hard seeing someone you love go through addiction and act like this when you know their heart is good and would not do these things if they didn't have this disorder.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

It's so hard and you are not alone. I'm glad you've found the videos helpful! Thanks, Amber7748!❤

[@Tashax405]

My OH gaslights about gaslighting! The other day I called him out on it and he said 'that's not what gaslighting means, you don't understand what gaslighting is, gaslighting is something totally different' in the most patronising tone he could manage. I'm glad I found this channel, I'm the only one who knows he's an alcoholic as he's managed to hide it from everyone except me and it's been a lonely place to be.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Gaslighting about gaslighting, Wow! 🤦‍♀️

[@lingessler]

It feels so validating to have someone be able to put into words what is happening. It's so hard to describe it!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Lindsay, I’m so glad it was helpful 😃

[@m_d1905]

I think my favorite is when they steal something to sell for money and try to make you think you lost it.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

classic manipulation! 🤦‍♀️

[@TheKerryzzz]

Yes, my druggie roommate stole from me. Everytime i told him something that he didnt want to hear, he would damage my property. He loved to chip things. Even the bricks are chipped on my house. I kicked him out and now he is dead from an overdose.

[@amber4778]

Yup. My daughter's gift cards from my baby shower! I had them on the table in an envelope so I could buy the things I needed for her and he tried to tell me that I lost them, when it was only me and him living together..no one was over. I said well the ghost must have loved the gifts they bought with them. My daughter is a year old now and he still denies taking them.

[@Lee-up4bz]

He pawned my wedding ring. Blamed our teen, said I lost it... then I found the receipt. At first I really thought I lost it but knew it couldn't be. This really hit me hard, I was so sad...

[@jenniferybarra380]

Is it bad that I talk to my daughter about her brother. She 25, but I don't want to involve anyone and I want her to be aware of what's happening.

[@Andrea_22222]

This channel has helped me so much. I was feeling so crappy for failing in my very brief marriage but I was very quickly losing my grip on reality. The sober version of him is who I love…but not getting one without the other, I can’t stay. If he was acting mean, I started digging in trash…only when I presented evidence would he admit it…but then he would minimize it & call me controlling and crazy.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

HI Andrea! I"m so glad this has been helpful for you!

[@SPK_Dxmien]

This "was" my life before I started listening to your videos. Thank you so much for giving me my sanity back!!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Love that!

[@nick7597]

Try’s to make me feel bad about something I did wrong almost twenty years ago before we even met. Says “Don’t act like your perfect when you did this before”

[@PutTheShovelDown]

That's a good one!

[@karenstarr2821]

You are spot on with all your videos. I have gained so much insight from watching them and can’t thank you enough. We are taking it one day at a time and I’m feeling hopeful.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Wow, thank you. You've made my day!

[@charmianwalsh6971]

Just found your channel. I’m estranged from my addict son who literally drove me crazy with his lies & gaslighting. I didn’t understand what was happening. It’s caused me dreadful anxiety since.

[@OldHeathen1963]

It's not just addicts who gaslight.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

So true!

[@sashaprettyeyes2052]

WELL DUHHH WE KNOW THAT BUT THIS SERIES IS ABOUT ADDICTS THAT'S WHY ITS DIRECTED TOWARDS THEM

[@bethprather9241]

I feel all of us with addicts, especially kids have lost it and said those horrid things at one time. How important to let us know they will use it for year's and you have to get the control back.. Awesome

[@sallybradshaw7244]

OMGosh, my AH has been doing these things for years. The sad part is I used to be introspective about what he would accuse me of doing and I would try harder to correct that about myself. It was many years before I realized it was a tactic he was using to deflect his responsibility back on to me. I'm exhausted living with this gaslighting, manipulating alcoholism behavior.

[@dillonkilian347]

I have been fighting to rescue my son now for 5 years. This year the fighting stops and action is being taken. God bless your soul.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

🙏🙏🙏

[@AMM3.]

When I'm getting gaslighted I smile and say "I know that isn't true, you know that isn't true.. and YOU haven't earned my trust yet.. love you!" Complete dismissal of deception.. the more you accept lies, the more confident and adept they become at lying.. shut it down immediately.. in the nicest way possible 🤗

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Good advice, Emma. Call it out, but not in a fighting kind of way.

[@AMM3.]

@@PutTheShovelDown just in the matter of fact, "I'm not fighting about this" way 😊

[@jennabryan1658]

Hello and thank you! I am new to your channel - currently working through your videos and taking tons of notes. Im sure it takes significant time and energy for you to make these videos, thank you so much truly.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Welcome to Put The Shovel Down, Jenna. So glad to have you as part of our community!

[@LisaNEdwards]

Amber is amazing, knowledge is power and you’ll regain your sanity

[@rhondar4063]

@@PutTheShovelDown thank you for being here

[@MsCoolVibez]

Thank you so much for this. A "friend" introduced me to a man, she said he was an ex user but a good guy. I decided not to judge and give it a shot. I've learned that he is a master manipulator. He ONLY surrounds himself around his very gullible friends and family and brings me around them to verify he's a good guy. Well he's evil, still using, and controlling. I left him. He pops up at my house, threatens to harm me if I move on all types of things. I left my home for a few days until this dies down. I've blocked him but can see the messages he sends. I DONT AND WILL NOT RESPOND AT ALL. Those text are being saved as evidence. The police around here aren't really helpful if you dont have concrete evidence. Now that I have that Im going home and will call police as soon as he comes back. He is doing every last thing you said in the over 200 text and voice messages I have. It has only been 2 days since I left. I'm just praying he goes away and get the help he needs.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Yikes, that does sound like a really bad situation! I'm glad you're taking it seriously

[@TheMondika]

I can almost deal with the first four, I can see those from a mile away. The sweet angel act kills me. I know that’s the one that keeps spouses, parents, aunts, or kids from setting boundaries, leaving, or asking them to leave. Then timing and level of manipulation this one tactic takes is what I call pro level.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Pro level for sure!

[@amyjackson5396]

I'm floored.. this is my daughter and I. I'm exhausted.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You're in the right place Amy. This channel is going to help you stay 5 steps ahead of addiction!

[@kristinamelnichenko5775]

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏

[@Tammylee1111]

Its also my fault because I stress him out!

[@dohniaparfitt5863]

You are worth your weight in gold 🌅 I love You Amber! Thank you for All you do!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You're the best!

[@shanlam12459]

When he becomes irrationally angry about things he should not be at all. They are hiding something.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

💯💯💯💯

[@mirandabetancourt7768]

Hi Amber, As a daugher of an alcoholic, I have experienced every single one of these instances and it has taken growing up into young adulthood to really see how it was being used against you. Definately invalidating my feelings was a big one, usually saying my feelings werent my own, but were somehow programmed into me by other adults. But the biggest one, that affects me the most, is that after arguments he will just behave as if there is no problem. No reference to my anger or his. Like it never happened. He behaves as if theres a perfect family relationship devoid of any conflict and makes it really difficult to feel entitled to my emotions because I appear to be the only one bothered. Then the icing on top of the cake is we will have a conversation where i bring up our rocky and distant relationahip and get the same questions of “what is the problem between us?/i dont understand how our relationship got here?/ what is the problem you have with me?” To the point where i start to feel manipulative toward him. Made even worse by the fact that he doesn’t know he’s doing it. I’ve had to learn how to really feel empowered in my reactions and emotions because if I didnt, i would think i was insane and emotionally abusive.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Very insightful Miranda. With alcoholics particularly, it can be even more difficult because they often don't even remember what happened!

[@tina-by-design]

This is the biggest one for me too. We had the same conversation over and over. I started to refuse to give him rides because he drinks in my car. Then gaslights me saying he’s not drinking when he has the alcohol in his hand. Tries to say it’s not no alcohol beer (!) We argue. A few days later he is calling me again begging for a ride somewhere and can’t understand why I won’t. Makes me feel like I am being mean for leaving him without a ride, so I’d give him another chance. I swear this happened 10 times before I finally got strong enough to say no and stick to it.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Tina Brigham it cracks me up when they say “it’s not alcohol it’s beer”! 🤣 it’s ridiculous!

[@ThePeachyCat]

I feel what you say! My dad tells me sometimes: "look, I am married with your mother for 26 years" like he is proud of it and like it is a happy marriage and never anything happened. Sometimes he said "I am the best dad". And all the time he acts like never anything happened and my mum make problems up and she is dramatic for no reason. I saw my dad drunk and screaming all the time in my childhood. He even one time choked my mum before my 10 year old eyes. I never felt this helpless in my entire life. I will never forget it. And every time really every time the morning after he acted like nothing happened.

[@kellyk8966]

I've binged on your videos and watched some over and over. You totally get it. I feel like I've found a big secret for practical tools I can use for myself.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Love that!

[@Tammylee1111]

So mine wanted me to apologise for accusing him of drinking. He clearly was and I refuse to apologise and insult my intelligence...pff

[@sashaprettyeyes2052]

MINE DOES THIS WHEN I CONFRONT HIM ABOUT DOING HEROIN AND RVEN WHEN I SHOW HIM THE PICS I TOOK OF HIM NODDING OFF IN WIERD PLACES AND SWEARS HE WAS JUST TIRED AND SLEEPING 🤔 NEVER MET PPL THAT SLEEP IN PRETZEL POSITIONS STANDING UP 😅 MUST BE BC OF THE PANDEMIC

[@jodypixley6683]

Oh my gosh ! My son said he needed money for a part on his car and I told him he had to bring the receipt back asap . He came back with a receipt for the amount of the part but didn't show it had been bought ! He did everything to convince me then just ran out the door .

[@norcherister5137]

The thing mine does that gets on my last nerve, is that he usually has no more than 5 minutes for the baby (2 1/2 year old) most days. But you let us get into an argument, and all of a sudden, he's dad of the year! Just totally focuses on the baby like he's protecting him from me. It's disgusting.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

That would make me angry as well!

[@seusstic3049]

One of the wierdest times i experienced being gaslight was when my ex first got out of inpatient and relapsed. I finally had enough and confronted him telling him we were done for. I was certain what was going on. Then he went through pity party mode, then to hanging up all pictures and letters of us on his wall, and went on how he is clean and loves me.. i felt so surreal.. so confused. I walked out so disoriented feeling and unsure how it played out so differnt then what i planned.

[@joylujan593]

I had never considered that 5th one as gaslighting, but it is so true! That one, more than any others, has kept me off balance and doubting myself for so long!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

It's definitely a curve ball!

[@michaelplaczek5209]

My ex girlfriend is a crack addict. She used techniques 2-5 frequently. She almost drove me to do some bad things. I was so upset and confused it was emotionally damaging. Really enjoyed the video.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Michael, I'm sorry you're going through this😥

[@autumnpera7233]

He is and has done all of this to me.

[@gopherbar]

My wife used this and I didn't even know she was doing it, I thought my memory was failing. I found bottles hidden around, she would say that's old. I even found a bottle of wine hidden in the washing machine, I don't drink wine, so I took it into the living room and asked her why was this in the washing machine, she said, she didn't put it there????? There's only two people in the house!

[@silvermaple-n6n]

Great description! Hard to ever explain in one's own words. Your insight with addiction is amazing. Thank your for the video. I have appreciation for the effort you have made in becoming expert!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Wow, thanks Fran 😃

[@jmomma0530]

Oh my goodness. I'm just realizing that this is why I get little slights from his family all of the time. I've asked him before if he's talking about me to them and he says no, but now I know for sure! Thank you I don't feel crazy anymore!

[@jotiparrish578]

Omg I’m literally a psycho these days and this is so bang on ! Funnily enough his ex was a psycho too!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

😲😅

[@judeevans7044]

Thank you Amber, I have definitely experienced this sort of gaslighting! “It’s an old one!” 😫

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Classic! 😶

[@AMM3.]

As an addict in recovery who's in a relationship with an addict in recovery.. we spent so much time gaslighting each other we believed our own lies.. we completely lost track of reality and truth.. lying to each other, and ourselves... we are still figuring it out years later 😂.. I can actually feel my brain rewiring still.. it takes a really long time for me to think logically.. because I have the impulse thought.. then I need to back up.. rethink it again.. then probably 3 or 4 more times before I come to a reasonable conclusion 😂 craziness!!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I love what you're saying about so much gaslighting that you eventually loose track of reality. It's so true. Most people have to be out of it for a while, before they can see the level of craziness.

[@y.v.4306]

That's a very helpful observation, thank you for sharing that.

[@laurasibley6293]

My person kept bottled water in the fridge. I use tap water but one hot day I picked a bottle to take on a trip in the car with me. In the drive I opened the cap chugged what I thought was water....was water and vodka. I threw up beside the car and emptied the bottle on the grass. Confronting my person later who acted mystified...no, I just keep water, it was just water." I was being told black was white. Then came..." perhaps Tracy (my person's friend) left a bottle in thr fridge And you know what? I began to think that I'd made a mistake, that my taste buds were...off. That I was crazy.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

That's a perfect example of gaslighting!

[@UNIQUEWALKER-pl9bp]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@jomomma1512]

Thank you so much! I needed to hear this

[@PutTheShovelDown]

So glad it was helpful, JoMomma!

[@motherearthrocker3081]

You are a Godsend! A Saint! Thank you so much for all you are doing. I can't tell you how much you've helped me and I just found you. Thank you! ❤, Alesha

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You are so welcome

[@Oldsmokey1]

Literally just found a 1/4 of a pint of vodka in my wife's driver's floorboard in her car last week. Exactly what she said was "that's been there" and "that's old". Her alcoholism has gotten out of control. Especially the drinking and driving. She's turned my kids against me. Telling them I'm a mean asshole and the like. Years of that and my kids don't know what to think. We both had alcoholic parents. Mine were horrible alcoholics from the time I was born.....long story. But she lived with her mom and she was supposedly a good mom until she started drinking really bad around when my wife was 11-12 years old. Idk for sure that it matters but it seems like I feel completely different about alcoholism vs how she looks at it. Especially how I remember things from childhood. Just like my mom never has admitted the things she did or how she acted. I lived through it so I know. Just saying that because my wife is doing the same thing. My wife has stolen from me and she's now a compulsive liar. Its also possible she's cheated on me. That's the one thing I will not tolerate. I've not even asked her but I have my suspension. If I confirm she's cheated then she will be made to leave. I will not be able to live with that.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hey there Old Smokey. Sorry you're in such a crappy situation. It's especially difficult due to the kids being involved. I like that you're really putting a lot of thought into how to respond and what steps to think. Very wise!

[@OldHeathen1963]

Believe your gut, I should have.

[@kristinamelnichenko5775]

This is so important. Thank you for empowering us with logic and reason ❤️

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You are so welcome!

[@brendareed5050]

I have experienced almost all of these and I am thankful that I have you to provide examples of typical behaviors for a substance user. Right now she’s attempting to split my husband and I by telling him that I’m to blame for her problems, when she’s actually trying to make him feel guilty so he will help her. Fortunately my husband is aware of what she is doing and he ignores her when this happens.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I love that you and your husband are on the same page. That's key for surviving addiction!

[@ruthreuter9813]

I was in so deep that I dared not ask.. I wasn’t even worth being gaslit,

[@FullMoonRising78]

For some reason I was told how I was being talked about and I didn't know where it was coming from and what I heard about myself was that I was manipulating and brainwashing my boyfriend's niece, she's 18 years old. My boyfriend has a alcohol addiction and a few weeks earlier he had said this same thing while he was drunk before I heard what was being said about me by some of his family members. I'm just blown away by your video. Thank you for this info because I thought I was crazy.

[@LisaNEdwards]

hey Amber, all are so true! Thankful to be out of all of this now xx

[@PutTheShovelDown]

How's the movie project coming along?

[@LisaNEdwards]

Put The Shovel Down so awesome!!! Has changed a lot since you read it, but it’s much more exciting and interesting, once all this Covid stuff ends it should start filming 😊 I hope you are doing well

[@robins3672]

This is spot on. So glad I found your channel. You have a great way of explaining and helping me understand what’s going on. Only wish I had found it a year ago.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

So glad your here, Robin!

[@kimh3905]

My husband tells me I just complain but I rarely even say anything

[@kimberlyhardin2892]

The first thing the addict said to me when I confronted why the money was gone was, " You always blow shit up!" You always, or you never are classic ways they use gas lighting. I got calm and the next day I set boundaries. The first one was no longer will I allow the gas lighting. My addict has not spoke to me since.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I think it's great, that you're not letting them manipulate by throwing it back on you

[@user-ir6ru2fe1h]

I think her videos are saving my future

[@lorettakelley7495]

Would another gaslighting technique be when they try to make you feel uneducated about the drug ( ex: saying you just don't know enough about the drug & it's "benefits")?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

That's a great one! I didn't even think of it, but I've seen it used many times. You hit the nail on the head

[@077jess]

I have been told this too!!!

[@sashaprettyeyes2052]

YESSSS I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT MANY TIMES AND MINE FORGETS I USE TO GET HIGH MYSELF SO I ALREADY KNO ALL THE SIGNS AND LIES BC I USE TO USE THEM

[@georgieobrien9320]

Honestly, just Thankyou. Thankyou so much. I needed this - god bless you 💕

[@PutTheShovelDown]

My pleasure, Georgie! God bless you, too! 😊

[@PutTheShovelDown]

🤐Click this link to get access to my entire playlist on Manipulation Tactics: 👉 kzbin.info/aero/PLaaJWwIpP_zZduHyvDBhsWlsrbm07HssA

[@rhondar4063]

You're talking about my life since my man passed almost 4 years ago. My son got on drugs and has no problem abusing me verbally or physically if that's what it takes to get them. Everybody thinks I have the problem

[@angelagouirand9312]

I’m so glad to hear what I’m Experiencing is real. Thank you for this

[@cindykayblake]

This is so incredibly accurate!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Cindy. I'm really glad you liked it.

[@lisamarie3465]

Makes me feel like I'm being pushed into being mean and narcissistic. Cuz at that point it feels like it's either him or me and it's already been me, I've already done my work. Now I just respond like ,"you don't like my character? Tough. You don't like how I said something? Tough, you don't have to like it. Change your perspectives about me or leave me alone. And I'm a deep person who enjoys connection. So being that way seems harsh but...idk

[@jodypixley6683]

Yes I have done some really crazy things but I have not felt shame becouse I knew they were trying to make me over react so I would just pull up at his drug useing friends house and say ok this where ya want to be get out and have fun but don't call me when you need a ride or go to jail !!

[@pattymaine1]

Yes! I've heard all of this!! And that I'm the crazy one, I'm emotionally unstable etc

[@PutTheShovelDown]

It's amazing how they can put it back on you.

[@jenniferybarra380]

My son tells me to stop looking for stuff.

[@tstephens8530]

Didn't realize they purposely want u to lose it. Just to guilt u. My husband does it a lot. Even sober.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

It's a way of distraction

[@deu7sch13]

This is great info. Thank you for this ❤️

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Any time!

[@lillysinbarrerasllc5272]

Thank God I found you.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Glad you're here, Lilly!

[@someryl2067]

Thank you for those!

[@burning4902]

yes a chronic alcoholic I was with tried to convince me I was the problem

[@dunkmorz]

Whilst I agree that addicts definitely need to be confronted with their behaviour, as a user for years, before I got clean, I would say you have to be careful on confronting people, when you're on the gear it warps you're mind, and confrontation often pushed people I knew away from their loved ones. A lot of them friends never made it. But you definitely need to hold them accountable in a caring way. It's a balancing act.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You're spot on about it being a balancing act!

[@saskiaguy1940]

Gosh, my husband uses all those gaslighting techniques

[@victorial8764]

Does my boyfriend provoke me to anger on purpose?? I feel horrible but he seems confused as to why I get so angry or say mean things like I have some kind of mental issue. I’m in therapy asking my therapist why I am such a bad person now.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Victoria, Here's a video on that exact topic: kzbin.info/www/bejne/naiVl6Rsg8eAqKs

[@Tammylee1111]

Also putting me down in public Jokingly..then when confronted he did it to help me feel better! Smh

[@natasharawson8057]

My partner does this too. Back handed compliments or outright insults and when I get upset, I'm "misinterpreting" him 🙄

[@delilasloan8914]

My husband does the same thing. If my husband and I go somewhere together and sees someone he knows that he has talked shit to about me I can always tell by the way they look at me and my husband always makes excuses why he is with me at say Wal Mart or a casino or a doctor office...it will be something to make me look like an idiot..oh this is my wife she's here because she thinks she my babysitter and has to follow me around or iv heard if I don't bring her with me she will threaten to kill herself...or I'm trying to leave her and she jumped in the car...then later he will say he was just joking and I don't know how to take a joke because I'm an idiot. I have never threatened to kill myself or go with him to check on him or have ever jumped in the car...I found out later these are all things he tell his friends I do to make me look crazy...which makes sense because he tells friends and family and even strangers that he uses meth because he has to in order to deal with me. We have been married 13 years and he's been an addict for over 30 so I did the math and it makes no sense how any of his addiction is my fault

[@aleshawilson1041]

#3 and #5 are a constant in my household

[@GG-yn6jw]

Thank you so much!!!! Excellent video,, so much useful and hopeful information!🙏

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Glad it was helpful!

[@shannonvalentine1687]

I really don't think my husband plots out gaslighting. How do you approach them bringing this to their attention? How do you tell them it's wrong to gaslight a person?

[@sharonscott1776]

My addict has turned so many people against me with his lies. He says I kicked him out but doesn’t tell them why I did. He’s hung up on that not that he used meth and cheated on me. I just hear u kicked me out. It’s frustrating I can’t get through to him.

[@beverlykramer8374]

Ok. So getting past this. When you get to a point that you feel like and act like you don't care anymore. And they know it and then you have to hear about it. Nothing you do or say is right. When you answer them, it's not the right answer or one word is wrong. When you don't answer them you're giving them the silent treatment and then all the comments from them come out until you have to defend yourself. Craziness!!! and for hours and hours they want to talk about the problem and then bring up more problems all day or night long and you have to go home and be around them. OMG and it all comes at you at different angles! Twisted up!! Help!

[@writeousrhema]

This has been so helpful!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

😁😁😁

[@592Joshua]

girl, i could listen to you talk all day lolll

[@PutTheShovelDown]

😁😁😁

[@ruthmitteldorf2509]

OMG; it's like you are actually talking about my AH specifically! He will be so horrible to me, make me feel bad and that I am alone without him; that my friends agree with him that I'm a horrible person / bitch ( which I am because of this vicious circle) and then he'll be apologetic - like 3 hours ago and I feel a little better and then, BOOM! nasty personality is back. He shopped today for 1st time in weeks and gave me roast beef with mozzarella this afternoon that was delicious. I had some more tonight and he got pissed that if he knew I was going to eat that, he would have gotten more and then stormed off! Note that he is actually alcohol sober for many years but now doesn't go to meetings as "he isn't like them".

[@alexismerrilldragonqueen6552]

Gaslighting is so important but it can be so sneaky!

[@lorenavaldez869]

How is this not different from a Narcissistic? The behaviors seems the same.

[@xyzxyz8811]

Excellent video. Thank you.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

My pleasure, Lana

[@noreenday2321]

OMG, what A.Ye said in the chat, me too. And he always knows exactly when to be remorseful; to the point where now i never even believe anything good that comes from him.

[@shirlenegosek8527]

thank you for the insight.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

My pleasure!

[@sogracie3420]

So, mine uses exactly the same techniques, there is been shift blame and turning what I've done against me in his favor but most of the time it's '' I owe that money, don't know what they're gonna do to me, but I'll see what I do...I'm not asking anything from you, you shouldn't have to worry about getting me out of that one, you've done so much already, you're a dream of a woman I'm so lucky to have you, I owe you everything and more'', or ''I feel so bad for all the harm I did to you...''

[@nicolemccormack4926]

"That is old, been there a long time, I just found it" was the last excuse thrown at me. Like an addict will lose their drug of choice

[@jessbutler31585]

My husband actually has the audacity to say....."You put it there", or my favorite "You knew the whole time"

[@PutTheShovelDown]

😫😫😫

[@jeanetteeast7343]

My husband brought his clothes in from his truck so I could wash them and I found a pair of panties and women’s T-shirt. He told me he had no idea who’s they were and they were probably mine and I forgot about them.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

😫😡🤬😠😓

[@crsh2007]

This whole video is my alcoholic husband when he drinks! He doesn't think his binge drinking is a problem, but I've learned to disengage and not deal with him when he drinks. I used to get right up in his face about it, but it's pointless to argue with someone who isn't in their right mind. But here's a question - whats the difference between gaslighting and denial?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Gaslighting is trying to fool you. Denial is trying to fool himself! Here's a video about denial that you may find helpful: kzbin.info/www/bejne/naCndKWjls2rY8U

[@stevenmarcum5074]

This is exactly what my partner does everyday it's a mad house to me!

[@stevenmarcum5074]

She even felt some type of way when I played these videos! It's ironic don't you think?!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I bet now you're 5 steps ahead of it!

[@pamelacunningham6090]

My mind is blown by 5.

[@kw3643]

Thanks he actually calls me crazy and says I have no one and no one likes me. I'm trying to find your video on how to leave them

[@doz6521]

Very helpful!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks CD!

[@shandocious2793]

How do you get them to see their textbook case of gaslighting, and how their actions have affected the person/people they "love" so much?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Shandie, Here's a video about confronting an addict: kzbin.info/www/bejne/Y2TNZ3t3nbSXZ9k

[@lynnpayne9519]

I told my Ex I agreed I had gone nuts. I called my psychiatrist and as a loving husband he needed to go with me to the appointment. Does he care about my health? No, he refuses to go. He then says he never called me crazy. I just imagined he did.

[@noreenday2321]

Mine would always say it was a friend's rig,i believed it for a long time, because we were both in the drug scene (smoking not injecting), and i knew that a lot of our 'friends' did it that way

[@jodypixley6683]

I could write10 years of manipulation ! It will make you insane ! And then when he is being true I'm all over him but I still don't feel guilty . He has faked me out to many times . He is also always saying that I don't treat his brother and sister the same as him ! I'm like if I had 3 of you doing this I would just run away !! I know I joke about it sometimes with him but I also know he is in a desperate state a lot and it's really sad ! When you have been thru it enough and you can tell the beginning of their cycle all the way till the end and then repeat ! Addicts are miserable , guilty, ashamed, and very lonely! It is totally exhausting to watch . And for them totally exhausting to do !

[@Tammylee1111]

Thank you soo much

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You're welcome!

[@paulagreen6122]

Yes yes and yes on all 5 poonts

[@rhondar4063]

My son refuses to admit the truth to my face and lies to everybody. My own mother has taken sides...his and divided my family.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Splitting between family members is such a common addictive behavior. It's so frustrating, when others fall into their manipulation

[@WaterSong144]

Sounds like an excerpt from the manual describing narcissistic personality gaslighting. Interesting, they are identical.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

There are so many parrellels. I think it's because both are coming from a place of desperation!

[@FlorenceIsOnFire]

My partner just left me and blamed his addiction solely on me. I am broken.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

So sorry to hear that ladolcevita

[@earthangel3108]

I am blamed on and off all the time. It’s the worse. He talks about leaving me all the time. I feel like I need to get more of a life for myself before it happens. I’m so sorry for you. It happened to me in a previous relationship. It was so so painful but it gets easier. Also, after the initial intense pain don’t forget to love yourself and rebuild. Love to you. 💕

[@FlorenceIsOnFire]

Earthangel31 but it isn’t us right? They can’t blame us for their choices.

[@ruthmitteldorf2509]

My AH would literally have a cooler with ice and say it was old! Also would have bottle in lap and say it was there for weeks!

[@cheriegilfillan2844]

Provoking is so true

[@PutTheShovelDown]

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