Living with Addiction in the Family

Anyone living with addiction in the family is familiar with the ever-present feeling of fear and anxiety about the possibility of relapse. Unfortunately, families have limited power as far as preventing relapse, but learning how to respond to a relapse situation can help you damage control the situation.
📝Download Scott's Quick-Guide for RESTORING RELATIONSHIPS AFTER ADDICTION:
www.familyreco...
To schedule an EXPERT CONSULTATION or get access to our FAST TRACK family recovery programs, visit 👉 familyrecoveryacademy.online

[@lauriebashamfineart]

Thanks so much for this channel! It’s really helped me to hear Scott’s story. Been doing this for 15 years and I finally feel I’ve found something to help my family

[@ib8544]

This video really helped me today as both of my sons are also addicts for the past 6 years. I hadn’t come across anyone else that had both sons as addicts.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I Isabel, Our other counselor Cambpell also has two son's who have struggled with addiction. Here's a link to her story: kzbin.info/www/bejne/n3jRemOgqs-Vd8U

[@wendybarker5118]

Seems like the thing to work on is not being codependent, it is the loved ones deal. We can pray & cheerlead, but the heavy work is on them.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You got it Wendy!

[@wendybarker5118]

@@PutTheShovelDown I'm getting there, watching your videos have helped me tremendously.

[@cjgia4898]

I finally caught you live.....for the last 5 minutes. Oh well. Oh boy, I have done All the wrong things, some right things and Everything in between. It took me, up until I started watching these videos, 12 years, to realize that I can't fix her. I can encourage her in all the ways you've taught me. I have also read so many of the books you've recommended and more. I still make mistakes. Some days are better than others. Just never give up. Hold on loosely, but don't let go.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

It may have taken you 12 years, but you're definitely 5 steps ahead now!

[@cjgia4898]

I am. Thanks to you! And, oh how I wish I could tell you the whole story. It's too much to type here and you've probably heard a good portion of it before, but everyone has their uniqueness, which makes every story different. I'll just say my 'egg basket case' has been filled to overflowing for a while.

[@mylittleangels2246]

A very humbling and 👏 amazing sharing...since i can remember my mum had been in and out of prison for almost 30 years due to heroin use...she was sober for almost 6 years before 3 mths back she had another relapse and is currently on 6mths rehab program with biblical support. Praise God they are willing to take her in at no costs. She shared that the pain for both her hands are getting more unbearable as her nerves were damaged due to intravenous self-administration of drug use back then. I am considering of joining a local support group for care-givers while waiting to having her back home with us in Feb...to all is going through the pain and struggles of losing our loved ones to any form of addiction/abuse/relapse, we are never alone to face these battles, and we can still them for good. 🌈

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi MyLittleAngel, I think joining a support group would be super helpful!

[@mylittleangels2246]

@@PutTheShovelDown Thanks for what you are doing here too. Its been informative and defintitely encouraging!

[@jodypixley6683]

It's great his people in the house gave him a connection

[@PutTheShovelDown]

That' such a key component of recovery!

[@SirImran]

Make each day your masterpiece

[@PutTheShovelDown]

good advice!

[@erikafhndez140]

Thank you both. Blessings.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Same to you!

[@AggieAsh15]

I don't have kids struggling with addiction but my boyfriend is. He's in the middle of a relapse and was gone all day and into the night yesterday and I had no idea where he was or if he was even alive. The anxiety and fear get to be too much sometimes. I always want to text him and give him a piece of my mind but I know that isn't helpful. So I started typing my thoughts in the notes in my phone to get it out. Whenever he came home I let him sleep and after I gave him time to wake up I checked in on him and tried to come from a place of concern and compassion. It's hard to not get angry when he acts as if his actions aren't a big deal. I've heard him say that he hates drugs and knows they have ruined his life. It's hard to leave when I've seen him make efforts towards being sober but I think his slip ups/relapses are getting to him and he's starting to develop the "f it" mentality. I feel like I'm reaching my end...

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Finding the balance between empathy for him and compassion for yourself is so hard! 😥

[@barbarawilliams6352]

We had a relapse after coming home from a 2 month program and i was thinking of the next place to show him before it got horrible. However my beautiful son overdosed and died before i could figure it out. So quickly, right in his room. So hard to deal with.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Oh Barbara, I'm so very sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you.

[@lorip6790]

My husband always uses the emotional manipulation that if I don't stop talking to him about the truth in the way he's behaving, that he's going to leave. I told him that I had to draw the line somewhere with his behaviors and that he could tell me that he loves me all he wants, however until he starts acting like he loves me that I couldn't really buy into it because every time it's the same that he'll have some tragedy or make something up so that he can come back into the house and just continue to drink and smoke pot last night he said that I shouldn't have a problem with him ignoring me and just leaving out without saying anything when we had plans, and that he can get angry and yell at me and scream all the while telling me not to be angry or hurt or raise my voice when in fact I'm not. I'm not going to put up with his BS, and that's what makes him upset. He literally throws things and balls is fist up like he's going to hit me. So last night I enabled him to leave. I told him that if that's what he wants to do and that's the lifestyle that he wants to have that he can go to his attic friends and have that if that's what he really wants. I asked him for his keys. He kept coming back into the house and up to me yelling and screaming . It seems like he wants out of his addiction, however he has something to get past and I don't know how to help him. His bedwetting turned into being four times in less than 3 weeks. He called out of work tonight for the evening shift saying that he has kidney stones. He's drinking a diuretic and smoking pot on top of it which also causes water issues within the body. He's been too drug and alcohol classes enough to know what he's doing to himself, however he doesn't see how blinded he is by the strength of his addiction. How can I help him?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hey Lori, We use something called the Invisible Intervention, for these types of situations. It's very effective however it does take a LOT of effort and willingness from the family.

[@lorip6790]

@@PutTheShovelDown I've been using the videos and have seen them all, however he's still really out there and hanging out with bad influences. I can't get him away from people that he calls stupid idiots and other names because they make him feel superior and most needed. He's giving them money and loans with his pay and trying to be their hero instead of helping our situation out.

[@lorip6790]

I don't know what to do. These people stop by and take up all of his time and get him so stressed out that he doesn't even want to think about coming in at night after he gets home from work because of the way they stress him out and on top of it all we all know that alcohol and marijuana cause more anxiety.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

💁To learn more about HOW TO INTERVENE WITH AN ADDICTED LOVED ONE: 👉kzbin.info/www/bejne/eHy4l2OJptaIfac

[@traceymenzel7079]

I have had extended family that were alcoholic. My son and wife are both addicts or alcoholics. They relapsed after three months. I didn't shame them. But my sons wife almost died 3 months ago. So...I am so worried and don't know how to really deal with it

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Tracey, I'm so sorry your in such a crumby situation. I think you'll find lots of good resources here on this channel!

[@nannetteprice5161]

After hearing about not being manipulated and boundaries, My loved one is living with a girlfriend and her young children. Do you have any suggestions how to build a relationship, but at the same time caring for the children, dealing with holiday gatherings etc...

[@PutTheShovelDown]

It will probably be a lot easier to hold boundaries now that the addiction isn't in your home.

[@VideoGrabBag]

Can you recommend anyone to help with starting up a recovery home, or any grants or resources to start a recovery home ?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

There's whole KZbin channel about that. Here's the link: kzbin.info

[@cait2763]

What if its an overdose and causes a traumamtic response?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

For the individual or for the family?

[@warriorofgrace7124]

I have question...it’s long, sorry. I will start with a story then tell you my two questions actually. First when ever I reach out to my mans family to let them know what’s going on so they don’t just hear his side they seem not to care. My man has told me they don’t want to hear it. I don’t message them going off the deep end but I will say hey he’s on his way there. He’s mad cuz I won’t give him more money then what’s his and calls me cheap.. I have also heard from him complaints of his own family and saying mean comments but I can’t tell them what he says cuz I ain’t trying to divide. His family was really supportive and welcoming in the beginning of us and me and I felt accepted. His kukom loved me most of all and she is passed now a few weeks. They( my dad and sister in law) let me pick some of her jewelry and cloths..I know you had a video about how addiction does this. Divide. He says stuff about me to them and vice versa so I message trying to keep facts straight. Also they enable him and his addiction. Second. It really hurts sometimes the things he says. He will pick at my insecurity’s when he is angry or doesn’t get his was. He used to respect me and listen to me even look up to me and now he diminishes everything I do..it’s really sad cuz it reminds me of my past relationship with a narcissist..I know my man isn’t one but it’s just sad what it’s transformed into.. How do I deal with the things he says to me I know arnt true but feel so real. Also how do I deal with the disappointment he isn’t paying enough attention to his son..sometimes he is coherent and sometimes not.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi XxHoly, You're probably right about him spliting between his family and you. I don't have a great answer to your last question, but I do have a video coming out December 1st about the family issue you described above. I really appreciate that you're such a loyal viewer and regularly take the time to leave comments and feedback. If you want to shoot me an email, I'll give you a link to get early access to that family video. [e-mail]

[@warriorofgrace7124]

Put The Shovel Down okay awesome! And your right I am loyal. It’s rare to find haha But listen I am only loyal to those I feel are worth it. Who is worth it? The ones that love even when they are in pain. The one that put in the effort to help themselves and others. Plus I like your voice, smile, attitude and you are the only you! I’ve seen other videos and idk I just love yours better 😇🙏🏼❤️ your gorgeous inside and out keep up the good work! :) your really helping so many people! Also I have to tell you. My man stormed off yesterday after he got his money (surprise) not. and he calls me and says my sister wants to ask you something, no I love you or our son kiss him for me I’m sorry just here’s my sister. So she says can I come over and borrow some make up..I said well are you guys drinking or doing anything? She said no. Idk I just had a feeling they were lying so I said look I love you guys but I feel like your not telling me something..then he pipes up not in front of my dad and I’m thinking he doesn’t want his dad to know what he’s up to cuz I’ve watched all his kids do stuff behind his back and vice versa! So I say okay well I guess come over! (WHY!? Cuz I’m a coward 😭🤦‍♀️😔) so then I find myself rushing around the house hiding anything valuable..😱🥺😭😵 They never even showed up..and no message they are safe..their dad didn’t even message which is unusual as well..I want to make a better choice next time but how..I hate offending my loved ones. Yes I know I need to stick to my boundaries.

[@warriorofgrace7124]

@@PutTheShovelDown hey again so I’m not sure what email I am supposed to email you. Could you please direct me further?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

@@warriorofgrace7124 [e-mail]