Setting Up Routines for Adults with ADHD with Dr Sharon Saline, PsyD

Dr. Saline explains how adults with ADHD can establish and stick with new routines that will ensure fewer missed deadlines, late nights at work, fast-food dinners, and missed connections with loved ones.
This clip came from a 45-minute-long Q&A session with Dr. Saline originally broadcast on Friday, October 7, 2022. You can watch the full replay at / 593076759202490
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Learn more about Dr. Sharon Saline:
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[@risika]

I was listening to a podcast that said, “it’s important to live life by design rather than emotion. Basically, sticking to a routine is what allows us to be the healthiest version of ourselves (especially with ADHD/OCD for me). In my journey - I’ve had to overhaul how I approach work/habits by practising mediocre consistency. Now I try to put in consistent 50-60% effort into my habits that give me stability (ex. journaling/working out) - to make sure I do it I began recording it and posting it on my youtube channel. Historically I have a habit of going too hard, not being able to sustain the Herculean effort, giving up and hating myself. So now I’m trying to give a small, consistent mediocre effort everyday (most days). And its crazy how it adds up, i feel way more clear in the head (less dysregulated) which is improvement I’m thankful for.

[@gypsypath1]

Did you start by changing just one thing or did you to do it “across the board?”

[@risika]

@@gypsypath1 one thing at a time! The only way I’ve been able to be consistent is by lowering my expectations of what I expect myself to do. Taking on one habit at a time has had me going way farther.

[@buttercxpdraws8101]

@@risika I’m finding that too. The kinder I am to myself, the more I actually do the things I’m supposed to do. ❤

[@chantayyjayy]

Love this!

[@runningmama4793]

Fantastic! LOVE this comment: so aware, so real with yourself and your expectations! Thanks for sharing : )

[@JoanLBlack]

What helped me reduce my shame and negative self talk is seeing it in my children ( teen, young adults). It hurt me to see how hard they were on themselves. I gave them a picture of themselves from when they were small and suggested they protect this little one. And I do the same.

[@sinan_islam]

Routine jobs are not boring for people with ADHD. Routine jobs for people with ADHD make their brain literally shutdown. The motivation is 0%. The prefrontal cortex refuse to turn on.

[@heftyhefty_]

Thank you for emphasizing this.

[@user-zt4zr7eg6z]

This doesnt matter. You can build routines and disciplines around it. Of course it can be limited but doesnt have to.

[@riverrun1616]

I have found a job with some unpredictability is best for me.

[@angelawright6202]

When I finally started an after supper routine, it helped me than any planners or anything else. My morning routine is very long, taking care of my daughter with special needs....no matter how early I get up, we tend to be late. But if I can work ahead, even though it's boring, it's also exciting, cuz being on time for a change is exciting!

[@eleena4886]

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for sharing your wisdom and these actionable steps to help us do the hard things and to find malleable structure in daily life. For context, I have never known that I have ADHD until being diagnosed recently as a 31 year old woman. At first, I never knew ADHD existed. And when I found out about it, I never entertained the possibility of having it because I'll hear people say that 'everyone is a little bit adhd'. I didn't know that my daily struggles of feeling scattered, overwhelmed and feeling like I am always playing catch up, feeling ashamed for oversharing, holding myself back from behaviours that annoy others like fidgeting, shifting around, etc, always misplacing things, always struggling to do tasks that have vague or overly detailed instructions, feeling that my worth is attached to how much I contribute- to name some among many others, have to do with my undiagnosed ADHD and my inability to manage my symptoms. The information offered here is mind blowing to me, and I feel like many questions answered has shed new light to the ongoings of mind (and behaviour). Thank you ADDitude magazine and Dr Sharon! You don't know how much this helps people like me to function more effectively.

[@joeofoysterbay7197]

I remembered a few weeks ago that when I was eight, I wore my pajamas under my clothes a few times when I went to school so I could save time when I had to turn in. Amazingly, no one ever noticed or said a word, but then they also never noticed my ADHD. No one. My systems are very important and do a great job of reducing anxiety about some decisions or tasks I have to do or keep up on. Something big for me: Since I was diagnosed recently and have been going after my ADHD, I find depression and anxiety are less key problems and are more like opportunists that 'slide into my DM's' when I'm down, and that I can drive off when I'm aware. That's been a huge revelation for me and has helped improve my life every day. I still stumble with it on occasion, but that's okay because I'm improving. I recommend giving the thought a try and see if it fits you. Little victories feel great!

[@bevtaggart1406]

My brother slept in a sleeping bag on top of his bed throughout high school so he wouldn't have to make his bed. He would also sneak in quick showers before me so he wouldn't have to squeegee down the walls.

[@allthingsaquariumdiy1933]

thanks for the video! i dont feel alone after watching this, i have ADHD and i am unable to work because i dont do well around people, i have saved the video which i am sure i will watch over 100 times to get in my head lol i suffer mainly with hyper focusing on things i change my hobbies more than my clothes! i have 8 fish tanks (all breeding), love doing home diy (upcycling) also i make jewellery theres lots more that i do the list is endless but i am literally exhausting myself i just need to get into a routine, anybody else feel the same?

[@lisawhitehall1870]

I need this SO SO SOOO BAD.

[@angelawright6202]

Getting rid of clutter allowed me to SEE what needs to be done

[@hulady27]

Excellent!

[@tilldeathdouspartharmonytr9829]

Great advice in this video 💯

[@laurelb4193]

Dr. Saline amd Additude thank you 💖

[@angelawright6202]

You can use notecards for each item of the routine, with expected time it will take. If you do it a few times, notice how long it takes, and put the actual time length on the notecard. These can go with your planner and alarms, and you can fit it in whre you have time. I'm a maid...first round, I tidy, dust, do mirrors and windows. Next round is kitchen and bathrooms, next round is floors, and anything that I missed. In an overwhelming room, i put away 20 items (losing track of counting, and starting back at 1.)...soon it's all put away!

[@staybalancedn]

5:36 paradigm shift, being okay with doing what i can...

[@angelawright6202]

I postpone morning animal chores cuz it was so stressful...so I changed to afternoon chores, cuz that works for me, and the animals are flexible.

[@MsCaryopteris]

I’ve come a long way, but I’m always running 15 min behind. And noise while I’m working and need to concentrate is awful. My coworker plays the radio, and here I am trying to learn new things in my new job.

[@bevtaggart1406]

Try wearing ear buds with only what you want to listen to. For me it's fast music without words such as Harry Potter.

[@angelawright6202]

I set my clocks and watch ahead to help me be on time. However long I think it takes to get somewhere, I just double it and bring reading material, in case I have to wait....hasn't happened yet.

[@angelawright6202]

I can only listen to a yt channel called mozart for studying. Ask your coworker if you can find something to listen to that works for you both.

[@BetzelemElokim]

I wish this had started as a presentation rather than being a scattered Q&A. My brain is already scattered enough - it's hard to put together all the thoughts in this discussion into something cohesive and useful. Please rename the video to something like "Q&A on Setting Up Routines..." I wasted a lot of time until I gave up on this video because it's not what the title suggested.

[@stevedeann]

My grand kids are 6 and 10. I see how easy they get distracted between the living room and their bedroom (among many other situations). As an adult with ADHD I know that I do the very same thing in my own way. In our house we have invented a new verb, "squirreled." (I double checked my spelling of squirrel and found that "squirreled" is in the Urban Dictionary. So we didn't invent it). Anyway, in the animated Disney, Pixar movie called, Up, the dog gets quickly distracted by squirrels a couple of times during the movie. He'll be talking and then suddenly redirect himself and call out, "squirrel." They don't call the Internet the World Wide Web for nothing. While watching and listening to an ADDitude vlog, after a few minutes, my mind will wander, I'll pause it and search for whatever song, subject, article, etc. that came to my mind. Squirrel! I'm concerned that, after watching the vlog, I'll forget to remember to go back and look up that search. I have so many web pages bookmarked on my computer to go back and take the time to watch them and then delete them from my list. Sometimes I'll squirrel in a positive by stopping what I'm doing on the Internet and spending some time to focus on a few of those bookmarked pages, read them and delete them. It gives me a sense of accomplishment. Silly, but... I ramble and go into details, aka perfectionist (see above). I like and am satisfied with what I just wrote, but if it was part of my job, I'd be told that I took too long. "Hit the highlights and move on. You're not completing your assigned jobs." Whew! That was therapeutic. I feel better now that I've typed all of that and thought it through.

[@clareu9539]

I have a sign on my desk that says, 'Do not feed the squirrels' - i.e. do not get distracted. It's a fun reminder I copied from a business website.

[@tearthangel373]

Let go of perfectionism

[@julin8597]

There is a great video on perfectionism on this channel 🙏🏿

[@gypsypath1]

I can’t find this webinar or the download in additude. Does anyone have a link? It’s not posted in the description, as far as I can tell.

[@additudemag]

This video came from a Facebook Live event with Dr. Saline, not a webinar, and it is available for full replay at facebook.com/events/593076759202490/

[@stknmggs1788]

Thanks so much

[@lisawhitehall1870]

The help I mean..I do not understand HOW to get this help..for years. Help please.

[@joeofoysterbay7197]

I don't know if you've 'officially' been diagnosed and of course what access you have to help, but here's what I did that is working. I had to go into my doctor with specifics about what my problems were, how my everyday life is affected by all things ADHD, how life could be better, and how desperate I was to no longer go on the way I was. (We shouldn't have to work so hard to get serious care but sometimes it's the only way.) I was fortunate that this new, younger doctor listened, but it wasn't easy for me to do. (I was probably a little scary as I gained steam.) We talked, he recommended a therapist, and got me setup for treatment. Nothing fancy given my income, but effective. It took me a few days to realize it had happened. Once diagnosed, you're almost certainly going to need to have regular therapy, at least for a bit. I did and do. You need someone objective that you can trust and who can advise and educate you further and help you with a plan for going forward. This relationship could help a ton! Medication, if that's prescribed, helps much more when you're opening your mind and letting the light in at the same time. As all this starts clicking you'll build some new strategies on how to deal with your tougher issues. Everyone's blend is different. My first year has been fascinating, among other descriptors. So many realizations. I hope things improve for you soon.

[@lisawhitehall1870]

@@joeofoysterbay7197 thank you for your reply! I will re read this a million times so I can understand it. So many diagnosis in my life, but still being treated like a drug searcher, because I cannot get the words in my head ...to come out right from mouth, there's multiple more and complex and coexist all together.. I have major trust issues because I can't effectively communicate...I'm left denied of the very services I need.

[@mgoryo]

@@joeofoysterbay7197 what kind of therapy do you do. I’ve been researching for my daughter. Thanks

[@joeofoysterbay7197]

@@lisawhitehall1870 You're able to write well. Maybe not all the time? The ability to communicate comes and goes for me, both verbal and written. A suggestion would be to, when you're feeling like it, write a story or script of what you would say and how you would explain how ADHD affects your life. Give an example of a big thing and a seemingly small thing that's difficult for you. It can be things from the personal to the social to the professional. A problem with friends or remembering to finish something in the kitchen. Try to imagine what would help them understand your frustration and desperation. It doesn't have to be long. Just bullet points if you want. You can do it a little at a time. Go back and reread it to see if everything feels right. You could mention Emotional Dysregulation and the anxiety and depression and shame it brings along. I would also mention that you are concerned that doctors might think you're just after drugs. Get that right out there and let them know that you're there to be able to feel in control of your life, not medicated away from it. We just want a fair shot in with our emotions and the world around us. You could even give a copy to your doctor to read first, then they can ask questions. That might be easier and more efficient. That's up to you. I hate remembering points I wanted to make on the drive home. I don't know if this is helpful, but I hope so. Take care.

[@lisawhitehall1870]

@@joeofoysterbay7197 WoW, this is the kind of help I need. Most grateful for your reply. I get this. I wrote that for my comment. ALJ that fully concurrent awards..13+ yrs ago but not getting that.

[@bubblebuffy]

Oh, this ended abruptly 😕 Is there another part?

[@additudemag]

There are just a few additional minutes at the end, which are viewable at facebook.com/events/593076759202490/

[@user-zt4zr7eg6z]

Medication solves it all automatically..

[@zachjohnson9018]

HELP!!!

[@suzannesutton5636]

this video is not helpful its too abstract

[@TokyoShemp]

The autism makes you blunt. The ADHD makes you impulsive to act like a troll.