ADHD + Feeling Rudderless? You are not a job description!

ADHD adults have a tendency to get off track - a lot. We often feel rudderless and without a direction or purpose. But I think that much of this can be helped through accepting how your brain operates and working with it instead of against it.
In this video, I share a concept of how to reframe your feelings of being rudderless, to help you navigate life with more confidence, acceptance and ease.
I hope it helps!
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[@kiwicatnip]

Also, it’s not always just the inherent feeling of worthlessness, it’s the standard that other people hold us to as well. The subtle judgements and implications that you are “less than” if you aren’t doing something huge or of high status. People literally act like you have less worth. So it’s more than just an internal battle.

[@Vapourwear]

The world spend your entire life rejecting you and then wonders why you reject it back.

[@Dancestar1981]

I have both ASD and combined ADHD and a really high IQ and people have been so cruel

[@kiwicatnip]

@@Vapourwear You are not alone in that experience. Very painful.

[@kiwicatnip]

@@Dancestar1981 I’m really sorry you’ve had to experience that, people really can be cruel. And interpersonal relationships/interactions can be exhausting and confusing. It is hard being held to the standards of neurotypical people. But we aren’t alone and there is a place for us in this world.

[@justshowupshow]

@@Dancestar1981me too.. I literally cannot believe how mean and unkind people are literally all the time. It’s hard to exist in a world like that and feel courage to be yourself in the face of such senseless criticism.

[@LucaAnamaria]

I would say it's ok to take a detour when the wind changes, just do it consciously, keep it short, and cycle back to the original course eventually. Also if you have more than one destination, that's cool, but try to make sure there are not more than two or three (figure out what the max number is for you). Then use the detours to go to those. Over time, you can develop expertise in two to three different areas (e.g. psychology, geopolitical conflict analysis, music), but you need to stay committed to them all. This is my preferred way of functioning because it allows for both stability and variety as well as the flexibility to switch between them depending on my needs.

[@jondowd11]

There is one title that I have found that will always give me a sense of purpose and meaning: "dad".

[@jimneversink9700]

Friendships, relationships, partnerships, apprenticeships... I’m starting to think it’s those ships that are the problem. Dad jokes aside, this is a great video and very true - so many good points here, thank you.

[@sardurondesarges6675]

that was extremely valuable! Thank you. And! This analogy explanes why body doubling is a thing: That is when you hook up with a cruiser. You just vibe with him.

[@soulcake76]

I refer to this as masking; you either mimic those around you or surround yourself with “cruiser ships” so others think you’re contributing in someway unseen to them otherwise, why would the cruiser have you tag along? I completely agree with you 💯

[@gwendolyncrutcher7236]

My ADHD dam burst at age 60. I will be 62 this Oct. I went from 120 pounds to 86. When I came out of being knocked out. There are NO programs or health recipes to help me gain my weight back. It is like the Health Food Industry acts like we are invisible or don’t exist. When I have reached out to these people. I have never gotten a response back. I also have chronic pain from a car accident going on for 40 years. I can manage my pain level up to level nine or 10 but I need help getting past that level 10 so I can do the things in my life living through the pain. I have so much to learn about myself in this new ADHD world. I know nothing about negative anything. Anything negative including people’s negative energy. Makes me physically and mentally drained. I am like a turtle going inside my shell to protect my Positive Energy, Spirit, and Soul. I have so much learning to do. Being a widow and everything that comes along with that. Being Dyslexic and figuring out what my ADHD and my Dyslexia have in common and then learning the difference between the two. I write this because in the ADHD Community of Teachers who just have ADHD and ADHD Coaches. People like me are NEVER talked about or described. Me being a strong fight in life. I am struggling BUT I will give and learn things being the alone Long Ranger. I am a survivor. I have a story to tell and I will get there probably moving like a turtle and the snail which drives me crazy because of my age and starting all over again with a new personality that I have to get to know all about and learn a Whole New ways of being and live with the new me. I know I have a Hugh God's Blessed Gift of my life journey Purpose I have I am learning a lot from you. I LOVE MY DYSLEXIA and MY ADHD. 💖🌟💖

[@christinabaswell6004]

It has a terrible name, but if you need extra calories, I highly recommend soylent. It is not meant to promote weight loss, doesn't taste too bad, contains protein, vitamins, and minerals, and doesn't contain a ton of sugar. There have been times I had trouble eating and used it to supplement my calorie intake. The chocolate flavor is the best imo.

[@efraguerrero]

Wow, this video was fantastic! It helped me so much! Thank you for sharing and for your channel. I so appreciate you. I'm 51 and so lost because I let the wind take me where it wants and then I get so tired and overwhelmed that I fall into depression and anxiety. Then I rinse and repeat. Story of my life.

[@aniaz5972]

Same with me, dozens of jobs, a month ago left a job because students complained I'm an awful teacher;)

[@efraguerrero]

Sorry to hear that. @@aniaz5972

[@stayy_lokeyy]

story of my life sis

[@simasalic]

Thank you so much!❤ I really needed this. I've been getting to some destinations, but always behind the cruise ship and probably lost some cargo on the way. And instead of celebrate arriving, I've been beating myself up for being late. Gonna try chage that.

[@jessielaughton5788]

I was just recently diagnosed with ADHD and I've been trying to do a lot of research to change the way I speak to myself, my systems, and working with my brain instead of against it. Other than the chimp, computer, human brain analogy from Prof. Steve Peters this is the best and most helpful mindset change I have come across. Seriously thank you so much for sharing. I've been comparing myself to other ships my entire life and is so frustrating to watch them progress toward their goals while I just feel like such a failure because the way I do things looks so different than "the way I am suppose to do them". I am just going to start changing the phrase "why can't you do this you are such a failure" with "I am a sailboat and they are a cruise ship. How can I do this as a sailboat". Amazing video ❤

[@RTmusicman1963]

Awsome! Your sailboat analogy seriously resonated with me, totally inspiring, and I'm not easily inspired by much. I say this because you seemed unsure of your messaging, near the end, as if was scattered, hard to follow, or something to that effect. It is literally the most practical way of looking at ADHD i've heard yet!!! Thank you. Like you, I learned about ADHD as an older adult, diagnosed about a year ago, I'll be 60 next month. I've been diligently trying to figure out something that will work 4 me, without much success, and your 6 point plan, particularly the weekly progress assesment makes the more sense, to me, than the 100s of pages of expert analysis and advice ive read as well as many, many hours of youtube instruction videos, on ADHD, ive viewed mostly from PHD level instructors. Thanks again, keep up the good!!!

[@cecileehiller8548]

I felt this SO much. Definitely going to change my mindset moving forward and will likely be listening to this episode again and again whenever I start feeling like this.

[@stayy_lokeyy]

you are so lucky I wish I could find.a therapist like yours in Texas.@Pinklady-sm6jx

[@stayy_lokeyy]

thank you so much I really have been struggling with this and I feel so much less alone and encouraged. you are incredible I am so excited I found your Chanel, this is my third video this morning and everyone has resonated with me in a way no other channel has. thank you again!!

[@Vapourwear]

I’ve been trying to get my partner to understand “you really have a way of knocking the wind out of my sails” for years now. She either cannot or will not understand. 😢

[@dsam3]

Pic a destination (you care about)...Great advise

[@geemail369]

Great analogy! Appliccable to *_SO_* much more than just ADHDism. 🙌🏻

[@3dchick]

Id somehow missed this one, but it turned out I was just saving it for a day I really needed to hear it. Beautiful analogy and so, so perfect. 😊❤

[@soulcake76]

This analogy makes sense and life changing 🙏😭🙌👑 Grateful to you and feel life I hit the lottery today!

[@katzicael]

Just turn a spotlight on me why don't you - never felt so seen. I'm 41 and basically housebound now, not for lack of trying.

[@matthewdash6300]

Great analogy! Very accurate

[@djallalnamri1]

you can also exchange the sails for a motor or say that whatever the means of transport, all roads lead to Rome.

[@alexjustine33]

You are so sweet ❤ your delivery and use of analogy is just awesome 😊

[@sondancewellness5215]

I love this analogy! Yes! 🙌

[@trekkie-cat]

This is timely!!

[@antoinettehowes6964]

Awesome analogy ❤😊

[@unclemick-synths]

Great analogy 👍

[@leestone665]

Great analogy🙏❤️

[@ErinJerriOfficial]

Literally working on a new startup company called VZL with almost the exact same analogy around ships and boats, great minds think alike!

[@ambersucces9867]

Caren this was so enlightening. I love the sailboat analogy!

[@jodicrain4500]

Some of us are dinghies...

[@soulcake76]

Tiny but mighty

[@thecreativemastermin]

This was so beautiful Caren! Thank you doing this video ❤

[@CarenMagill]

You are so welcome!

[@melanie62954]

I found out I have ADHD a few months ago, a year into a PhD program. I'm already so behind that I constantly worry I won't be able to face the hurdles in front of me and catch up. I feel like I'm trying to climb out of a hole of loose dirt. It would be so easy to just give up, to stop climbing. To let my boat go rudderless, even though I know I wouldn't be happy unless I give this my all (if I fail it will fine, but this program is the only way to pursue the kind of job I want). Caren's videos always give me hope and encouragement, though. I think I need to listen to one every morning, and afternoon to get into the right headspace to do what needs to be done.

[@islulison]

I quit my PhD because I ended up having life issues that made my mental health go down the drain. It exacerbated my ADHD symptoms so much I literally couldn't get anything done. My advice to you is, slow and steady wins the race. Use your ADHD to your advantage by only working in short sprints. The most important part is when you say you will only work for 1 hour sprints at a time, you MUST follow that. So pick a method and stick to it as much as possible. This goes for your break time as well. Don't go beyond whatever amount of time you agreed upon. Also, if you start noticing any depression symptoms, do not ignore them and get help ASAP. Things can spiral pretty quickly because of the negative reinforcement you get for not completing enough work on time in an academic setting. Good luck with your PhD. I don't know you, but I'm rooting for you xD.

[@CarenMagill]

thank you for the kind feedback!!!

[@melanie62954]

@@islulison Thanks so much! It actually means a lot that a stranger took the time to share this advice. I definitely need to work on my workflow routines and will. But right now I'm focusing on resetting square one--regular sleep! I am seeing a therapist, thank goodness, because there's no way I could handle this entire new world on my own.

[@Dancestar1981]

Can you get someone to take notes for you while you attend the classes and just listen. Sometimes we can multitask sometimes we can’t and get someone to help you with your assignments

[@Dancestar1981]

@@islulison also if you need to go part time to lessen the stress and take longer to complete the course do so

[@artistad8109]

This helps. Thanks. And I too hear Michael singer. ❤

[@fumblesteingames]

Analogies are great and all, but if you're in a social situation where everyone's talking about their job and they ask you what your job is, telling them you float in a life raft with no paddles isn't going to help

[@CarenMagill]

lol

[@robertomarianosanchezleyva7907]

Great analogy, thanks

[@esquireeye_glasses]

vow thankyou coach 🙏 ❤

[@lowfatdarkchocolate]

i love this so much!

[@ceilidhbarnett2983]

Looking to become an ADHD coach myself wondering if you had any recommendations I live in Canada

[@CarenMagill]

look up ADDCA

[@eliospokefan1386]

I'm at work and I almost started crying bc I felt so seen 🥺😭🫶🏻 Those were the exact words I needed to hear. I knew the sailboat part, I just couldn't figure out WTH I had to do when the weather didn't help. In fact it'd never occur to me that stopping was even an option. Everything makes so much sense right now.

[@Daniel-uv8br]

So we’re just bad cruise-liners, in a world built for cruise-liners. Nice

[@hedwigkoefler7861]

Infact usually the sailboats are the most luxury cruiseships in the fleet. It is the perspective...and what a difference it can make, when your boat (mind) is easy to move, responsive and for almost all kinds of waters ❤