Adoption? Surrogacy? The Honest Truth on Having a Baby.

Are we having a baby? The road to having kids has been bumpy from being on the adoption waiting list to seeing if surrogacy is a viable option for us. This episode of Tangents with Tyler and Todd we're sharing something that we’ve never fully opened up about before, and that is sharing our experience with planning for children. We talk about how our thoughts of having kids have changed throughout our relationship, the process of applying for adoption and why we ultimately decided to pull our application, and what the process for having kids looks like for us now.
Spill the tea HERE: www.tylerandtodd.com/podcast
Join us on Patreon where we have over 30 never before seen episodes AND 50+ videos…hours and hours of entertainment to watch! bit.ly/TylerandTodd-Patreon
Instagram: / tylerandtodd
Chapters:
1:30 - What we were up to this morning
2:30 - Our thoughts on having kids
6:00 - The process of applying for adoption
15:00 - Why the adoption path was difficult
21:00 - Why we pulled our adoption application
23:00 - Surrogacy vs Adoption
27:00 - The worst outcome that could have happened being on the adoption list
32:00 - Where we’re at now
39:00 - Why we’re considering surrogacy
46:00 - Tea Time
Podcast Production By: Paige Cuthbert & Colin Steingard

[@tangentswithtylerandtodd]

Good morning everyone!! No idea what happened but the original copy of this episode was somehow deleted! There were SO many of you here in the comments sharing your stories on what is such an important (and sensitive topic). I can’t figure out a way to bring those comments back but we’re keeping our fingers crossed that this time the episode premieres as it should! On that note... sharing this story is an incredibly personal one for us so please be kind ❤

[@ericeric363]

It was there about 4:00 am central this morning. 😂 I did my early checkin’.

[@tangentswithtylerandtodd]

I know!! I was chatting with you all in the comments and then POOF! @@ericeric363

[@ericeric363]

@@tangentswithtylerandtodd She said I’m out! 😂

[@Amani1611]

Let's me add my comment again ❤ , Made sure I got tissues if you're talking about what u think you're talking about. I saw the topics. Oh yeah, it looks like it's going to be a good ❤❤

[@kathyself8816]

Same same. Breathe deeply. Too early for wine o'clock?🍷🍷 🎉🎉 😅😅😅😅😅

[@judykinsman3258]

I’m a 77 yr old straight woman who never wanted kids & still say it was the best decision I ever made. I came from a terribly dysfunctional home & knew I didn’t have healthy parenting skills. You guys are absolutely the opposite & will make great parents. Love following your life’s journey!

[@kathleensauerbrei5199]

I am an 80 year old woman that never wanted to marry, but wanted a child! You know that back in those days , that was not an acceptable situation. But I did, and it was a wisest choice I ever made. my daughter is now 50+ and the love of my life. She and my Son-in-law have given me two wonderful grandchildren. it was hard work, but it was my choice and we came out of it all OK. choices we make in life are our choices, and they are our right to make them ! i’m glad you were happy with your choices, too many people think that when you get married you have to have kids or it’s a woman’s duty to have kids, etc. no, the woman’s body is not a baby producing machine. your decision, your choice, and now your happiness, and that’s all that counts. 😘

[@tangentswithtylerandtodd]

@judykinsman3258@@kathleensauerbrei5199 So happy for BOTH of you that you had the courage to follow your own paths in life, it's a beautiful thing

[@elizabethhenthorn8570]

I'm 60 and had no desire for kids. No regrets, enjoying being an aunt, great aunt, and now a great, great aunt. Loving life.

[@colleensnyder8943]

❤. Your communication skills are off the chart! Please bottle and put that in the lanes of commerce.

[@joycew3086]

Agreed. I’m 53 and have never wanted kids.

[@tucun2]

Is there any wonder why psychologists/educators find kids with same sex parents are so well adjusted. Hell, I feel loved just hearing you guys talk!

[@janeschmidt9611]

Same! 🥰

[@shelleymalone4427]

The raw emotion and honesty in this podcast confirms that you two are the people I imagined you would be. Not only do you make every Sunday better, but also you now make every Wednesday better too. Thank you for sharing the way you do.

[@tangentswithtylerandtodd]

Thanks so much Shelley, means the world!!

[@janniculleton4050]

I absolutely agree with you that they now are making two days great 👍😊

[@patriciamillin1977]

Agree 100%

[@vivianmoran2248]

Any child would be blessed to have you both as parents😊

[@tangentswithtylerandtodd]

That really means so much to us Vivian! ❤

[@suesmith7269]

I Totally agree 100%

[@AB-et1ug]

Absolutely 💯

[@LynetteA68]

@@tangentswithtylerandtoddI would’ve have given literally ANYTHING to have parents like you two!!

[@kimjay6725]

Adoptive mother here. I was ‘the second choice’ for our birth mother and I am so thankful to the first couple for saying no. I got to parent this child that was perfect for me because someone else said no.. I also had a birthmother change her mind after choosing us.. Al of it was wonderful and devastating at the same time.

[@todddarbyshire7944]

This was SO nice of you to share your story. Adoption has so many edges, for every person involved. Good for you for putting yourself into such mystery of an adventure.

[@N-A-uw5fp]

It’s so important to trust that you’ll get the right child for you at the right time! Here’s our story. My birth mother was rejected twice because she had 2 premature children already. Only like 3 weeks early. It was truly meant to be for all of us! She found out her boys came early because she wasn’t drinking enough water. They didn’t tell us about the prematurity hoping we would say yes and we are the perfect match! We are so close to her birth mother and other kids! She grew up and married a nice guy. We are one big family now. We visit each other from Pa & Fl, we call, text, FT… We love and miss each other. We are all so blessed to be a family now. Not everyone will have what we have. It’s very easy to have issues. The dynamics are emotional. Birth mothers can have drug issues or psych issues or simply personality clashes. When I was around 50, I found out I have a genetic medical condition that finally showed itself. 2% of the population has it and most don’t know about it. My adopted daughter has it too! It was truly meant to be for her to know and live in a way to prevent symptoms for her. Bless your journey! 💗

[@N-A-uw5fp]

You grow into being a parent. You can never prepare for being a parent. You’ll fall in love and figure out what to do each stage of development. This journey is about having a family AND self growth! That’s what makes a great parent. My 2 adopted girls are now 15 and they see me actively working on myself while I also help them navigate life and teen years.

[@Lelffy]

The thing about becoming a parent is that no matter what, we are never “prepared.” It is just another part of life’s adventure. We show up and do our best and keep learning and growing and adjusting to what is in front of us at the moment. You will be wonderful parents not because you are prepared or because of what you think are your strengths right now. You will be good parents because, just as you have handled all of the challenges of your projects, you will support each other and be constantly re-evaluating and growing and enjoying the process and meeting the challenges as they come. Children don’t grow into wonderful adults by growing up with perfect” parents. They grow into resilient wonderful adults by experiencing healthy models of living. You are both wonderful models of that. Your child/children will be so very very lucky to grow up with you.

[@tangentswithtylerandtodd]

Love this so much. Thanks for taking the time to leave such a thoughtful and kind message, it means more than we could ever say xoxo

[@susandickerson2663]

Well said

[@dancingonhands]

I really like this! Beautifully expressed. And applicable to everything in life.🩷

[@billycameron9212]

So very well said! And Tyler and Todd, as someone who has followed you guys from the beginning, I can tell that the amount of growth that has happened in you as individuals and as a couple is immense. When the time is right for you to become parents, you will absolutely know and be well prepared. Good for you and best wishes with this part of your journey!

[@switchrousseau4992]

Very well said. I totally agree. T and T are great people

[@sheshe902]

This hit me hard. I found out at age 19 that I would never be able to have children. Even IVF wasn’t available to me. It was and even at age 60 still is the most devastating thing of my life. People ask me all the time “why don’t you have children?” and it is so painful. PLEASE don’t ever do that to people. I considered adoption but then I began working with children (sometimes 200 per day) at the YMCA and boys and girls club. I realized that rather than have 1 or 2, I could make much more of a difference that way. After 30+ years I have thousands of babies all over the world and I know in some small way (individually) I had a huge impact on the world one child at a time. That became a blessing for me. I hope whatever you decide it goes wonderfully for you.

[@truckingwithtobee]

I own a trucking business with my husband and I want u guys to know u help make my drive to Phoenix from Vegas on Wednesdays so much easier now that your podcast exists.I adore u both❤

[@tangentswithtylerandtodd]

So happy to hear that, thanks so much!!

[@slh9564]

I'm not selfish, I'm self-aware is something people should be mindful of when that somewhat intrusive question comes up. Thank you for being so honest about a very personal journey.

[@karalinell9736]

How is each episode better than the one before!?! That outtake was GOLD!

[@tangentswithtylerandtodd]

Hahaha, we're glad you enjoyed!!

[@Bekind95]

I never ever wanted a baby, but an oopsie happened and she turned out to be THE BEST thing that ever happened to me. You both will make wonderful parents.

[@gregorynelson6194]

As a kid from a private adoption I felt this. I’m bringing tissues from now on to your episodes 😂 ❤ you guys!

[@tangentswithtylerandtodd]

Aww thanks Gregory, it's such a difficult topic to discuss and fully explain. Especially with how little information people have about the adoption process. Hopefully it wasn't too hard for you to hear all that. xoxo

[@lynnestamey7272]

I know what you mean by people not understanding why someone would not want children. I am now 69, and I knew as a small child that I would never want children. I would tell my mama, "make that baby be quiet!"-- I was 4 years old! Never had kids, don't miss what you never had! My husband had the same idea. It's a personal decision that is no ones business but yourself

[@thecrazyswede2495]

I agree. I have, for many reasons (economy, work, world situation, and so on), always decided not to have any children. I still like children. They are often wonderful. (As long as they don't scream at night... I've seen collegues coming to the office half dead from children screaming eight hours a night for a week.) Still, lots of people don't seem to understand that one can like children even while not siring any oneself. cheers! / CS

[@traceydoe1022]

Wow, I thought I was alone. Just read your post and it’s pretty much a cut and paste of what I posted before reading yours. Nice to see that I’m m not the only person that knew at 4 years old. Tks

[@janetstewart6977]

When my husband and I had our kids, I was the one who basically raised them. He was very busy farming and raising livestock. It sure wasn’t what married couples expect today. It worked for us but what you really need to strive for in this type of situation is that when you have a major issue you have to consciously be on the same page. You have to be able to back each other up. You guys are going to be amazing dads. Another Great Podcast! ❤️

[@jobethk588]

What a beautiful conversation. I love the fact that you care so much about the birth mother who chose you. It’s wonderful she had counseling available. It would be a much better world if every prospective parent had counseling like y’all went through.

[@lynnmohling5675]

Hi, Just listened to your podcast. I don't comment but enjoy listening. This time I am compelled to comment. I am a retired Labor and Delivery, Postpartum RN. I worked for 30 years and never got tired of helping new parents especially new dads. I enjoyed guiding them on the journey of parenthood. It was like Christmas all over again. There was always one dad that would be the active caregiver and the other dad would hover and make sure every need was taken care of. I marveled how the family unit, no matter gay or straight, would function and assumed the role each was comfortable with. Parenting is different from caring for your newborn. You two will become consumed with this privilege. Your thoughts and concerns are spot on but please don't overthink. Listen to advice but do what you two think best. As for your swimmers.... The reason why I started watching and then listening is my son is gay and I wanted to hear from gay couples. My nephew died from aids related illness. Thank you two for sharing your thoughts and life.

[@annierouleau8688]

Good Morning Tyler, Todd. My son and his partner are discussing expanding their family also. I told them to listen to your podcast so that they can get real facts regarding adoption, surrogacy, or any other means to have a baby. With everything you both (Tyler and Todd) are doing presently, I am sure that you will be wonderful parents. They and I have our tissues ready.

[@tangentswithtylerandtodd]

Tell them we said good luck on their journey...it can often times be a long one with lots of winding roads along the way. It will all be worth it.

[@philippafinlay9190]

At first I was a little sceptical that these podcasts would be something I would enjoy as much as the full weekly video, but after today’s episode, you know what - they are right there up there and even nudging higher. The weekly vlogs are great as we get to see your day to day stuff, but the podcasts are in another league. Through these, it feel like we are really getting to know you both as people, and what a privilege that is. Thank you.😊

[@tangentswithtylerandtodd]

We're so glad you're enjoying the podcast, Philippa :)

[@switchrousseau4992]

Totally agree.

[@LynetteA68]

@@tangentswithtylerandtoddyou guys just don’t know how amazing you are which is part of what makes you AMAZING!!! 😊😊

[@Giantoothpick]

If you asked me in my 20s I did NOT want kids. I was also deep into owning my own business and super single. As soon as I started dating my husband, my mind was changed. Now at 35 I am in my third trimester with our rainbow baby. It took us a lot of discussion to even get to the point of wanting kids. The ebb and flow of wanting to start a family is completely normal in my opinion. It’s a huge decision that is absolutely life changing.

[@tangentswithtylerandtodd]

Thanks for saying this and sharing your story. I think too often TV/Media makes it seem like everyone's story and perspective is the same. There's so much more ebbing and flowing than people realize.

[@AtoMicEyeScream]

Rainbow baby?

[@cindis.100]

Baby after having miscarriages @@AtoMicEyeScream.

[@michellenichols5068]

​@@AtoMicEyeScream rainbow baby means there was a loss before the rainbow baby arrived.

[@teresaslovingcare4444]

You are so right about the difference between sex and intimacy. When my husband became really ill with cancer, all we had was our deep friendship with each other. I could have lived with just that. What attracted me to him in the first place was our conversations.

[@lauriep.1362]

I wasn't sure I wanted kids. I met my ex husband at 34, and a virgin, and it took 5 yrs to have my son. I went thru ALOT ...... all the UPS and DOWNS of trying to conceive. It was such a rollercoaster of emotions. In the end, my son is a IVF baby, and I'm so HAPPY that I have him. BTW, he is now 23. 💚💜

[@tangentswithtylerandtodd]

Aw Laurie. That is so beautiful, so glad that things worked out for you and you have your son.

[@mikaylablackwood5286]

Totally irrelevant but this gives me hope. I'm 30 and still a virgin, waiting till marriage for religious reasons. So to hear that you met someone at 34 is comforting, I was just about to give up trying to find someone and having kids altogether.

[@jennifermcdonald5432]

It’s such a total shame EVERYONE doesn’t have to go through all this before having a baby. You’d both make fantastic parents. The world so badly NEEDS the sort of person you would bring to the world. Kind, thoughtful, self aware people are incredibly rare. And don’t worry, once the child is there, with you, it will all fall into place. It mostly always does, to real parents. You have no idea, and can’t have till it happens to you, the depth and strength of the love you have for a child. I always knew I would be a Mother, although I didn’t have time to make a real decision because I had my first baby at 18.

[@julieholcombe7422]

I am 62 and adopted. My parents shared this with me when I was old enough to understand it (with a cute little book provided by the agency). I LOVE that the two of you talk about and have given this decision so much thought. I also commend you for NOT adopting once you decided against it bc your hearts and minds were saying it's not time. In my case, my birth mother was VERY young (14) and I don't think a whole lot of emotion was felt by placing me bc she knew for a fact she couldn't care for me at that age. Mine was a closed adoption but I eventually met my birth parents and half siblings anyway (long story). I think an open adoption is ok as long as the birth parents receive the same classes you two did and even then a thorough assessment before they interacted with the child (I speak from experience). Both of you would be wonderful fathers...I feel it in my ❤️

[@susanmark2000]

I am a sixty-eight-year-old female. I never wanted children and I don't have any. I have no regrets. I do, indeed, like children. My career as a counselor and social worker meant that I interacted with them daily and I enjoyed all of it. I think that you two will be wonderful parents, if you decide to be. I really enjoy your Sunday vlogs and this new podcast is all that and a bag of chips! Keep them coming. I'm hooked.

[@tangentswithtylerandtodd]

Thanks so much Susan! Glad you followed the path that felt right for you, by the way!

[@karenfranck9762]

I'm a 51 year old woman and have been with my (male) partner for many years and neither of us have ever wanted children and have no regrets. It was an easy choice for us, but a difficult choice for our families and friends and we got a lot of 'flack' for our choice. It is such a personal decision and I really respect your decision to share your feelings with the world. Good luck with the process xxx

[@schmiddysartstuff7148]

Tea Time advice: "I would give up our sex rather than our intimacy" --> I LOVE that!! I'm excited for you both to be at the start of this new chapter. And your child/ren will be completely blessed to have you as parents. ❤

[@frostiesarah2315]

You are two very special people and any child would strike gold having you as their dads. Much love and hugs as always T,T,C,E & L ❤️❤️❤️

[@susansmith1449]

Do you two realize what wonderful therapy these Tangent sessions are

[@tangentswithtylerandtodd]

That means so much to us, thank you!!

[@williamsfamily3939]

Just look at how you both love your animals - your hearts will open to a new little soul in wonderful ways

[@shelleyritchie3568]

I am 87 and had three children. In my day and age it was not something in particular you thought about. It just came with marriage. I never felt like I had to be a mother. And I raised my children with what I called benign neglect. And they’re all wonderful kids! I think gay dads in particular give a lot more thought to what it means to raise a child.

[@janstevens8120]

Wow, another great blog T&T, and thank you for sharing this topic with us. I am an adoptee & I am also an adoptive parent. So I can appreciate your topic from both sides. Please don’t get down on yourselves for the glitch that was made by the adoption agency. I am a true believer that everything in life happens for a reason. Your hearts are in the right place, and when the time is right for you, everything else will fall into place as it should. I know that you both will be amazing parents! Remember to breathe and take one day at a time. You have an army of followers who are pulling for you both! xxx💕😘

[@brymelonism]

As half of a same-sex couple who is actively in the process of working toward having children, I want to thank you for being so open about your entire experience. My fiancee and I have spoken many times about how challenging we find it to not have others we have seen in our personal lives go through this specific process- and to not have mentors to ask advice of when things get tough. While this is a virtual space and we do not know each other personally, I listened to you speak just now and thought to myself, "Wow! I have peers who get it- who truly understand the intentionality and difficulty this takes in a way other parents in my life don't." I have watched you for a few years now and had no idea this topic was something you had such personal experience with. Thank you for being so vulnerable with the internet. I truly hope to hear more about your journey into parenting!

[@tangentswithtylerandtodd]

Seriously, how many times am I going to cry today??? LOL. Reading your comment (even though we just totally spilled our guts for the entire internet to dissect), made me feel so much less alone in this experience. I think we should all talk more openly about the fears, uncertainties, and the wild process that is trying to start a family. The intentionality of what we're both trying to do is such a gift...you just have to squint to see it through all the work and hardships involved. I'll think of this often, my "peer" xoxo

[@k.cooley4306]

You both show so much empathy, and your tears are honest. Hearing your adoption story makes me respect you even more.

[@CM-zp3xw]

Hoping and praying for consistent positive news in your Dads process 🙏👍!! You both would be great Dad’s!

[@christinelardner3371]

Morning guys. I have 2 (adult) kids. There were times during their teen years that I questioned whether or not I wanted kids 😂 Love you guys... any child would be so lucky to be raised by you both ❤

[@pattylecompte9846]

Having gone through infertility for 3 years and finally getting pregnant with medication, this was so awesome to listen to. You two are the most wonderful with being so honest with your lives. I admire that tremendously. I wish you the best of luck. 😍😍❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@tangentswithtylerandtodd]

That is SO wonderful!!! Sending you so much love and well wishes for your new baby when they're born xoxo

[@pattylecompte9846]

@@tangentswithtylerandtodd I didn’t make that completely clear - my child is now 31 years old. 😂 Thank you so much for the well wishes and the laugh. 😂❤️❤️

[@ameritrini]

Hey my babies! As an adopted person, listening to your hearts for adoption fills me up in such an indescribable way. I know you’ve decided to go the surrogacy route but just wanna tell you how grateful I am that there are ppl on this Earth like you guys (and my belated mom of course 🥰) Love you guys! Karen

[@sashadow50]

We decided to adopt 20 years ago. After trying for an international adoption, we went to a pro-LGBTQ private agency. After 2 years, we were selected. We were in the delivery room and I cut the cord. We have a wonderful daughter who's in Uni and she has two loving Dads. Whatever you decide, I wish you luck with it.

[@achatmon2246]

When I was in my late 30s I got a call from my gynecologist's office that the doctor needed to see me as soon as possible. I went in to the office the next day and met w/ the doctor. She came into the room, sat down, pulled her chair up very close to mine and placed her hand on my arm. She then asked - in a very soft voice - if I wanted children. I was caught off guard and more than a little a confused, but I said no. The relief that went thru her was palpable! I sat there waiting for her to tell me that I have cancer, so I was still very tense. She tells me that I have tumors and require a complete hysterectomy. She was very sure that the tumors were benign but needed to run post-surgery tests to confirm. Now it was my turn to relax! I told her that I hated my menstrual cycle (had since day one) and was ready for the surgery ASAP. We both breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed. That was 20 years ago and it was one of the best days of my life! BTW, the tumors were all benign.

[@PatriciaStevens-rv6kn]

You’ve both thought so much about this, not to mention the rigorous training to adopt, that I believe you will be amazing parents!!! Your values are well developed and strong, your relationship flows so well between your strengths and weaknesses, and your commitment to each other and to a really conscious life is just the bomb! If I were a little soul in heaven waiting to be born, I would choose you to be my parents in a heartbeat!!! Love you both so much and thank you for sharing 🙏💝

[@nanciravida9184]

I think that you can wait a couple of months before you have to name your little one.❤️

[@rachelfairhead4722]

As an adopted person - this was so heart warming - and gives a very real insight into the rollercoaster which is adoption ❤❤😊

[@tangentswithtylerandtodd]

That means a lot to hear, thank you!!

[@pnhnut]

So I am a biological parent of 20 somethings... but at 50, we adopted a 15 year old boy who really needed us. Shortly thereafter, a needy infant came in to our lives, and we eventually adopted her. The best thing that happened to us was that the mother of this baby, hid a pregnancy and had a half sister to our girl who we took in at 2 days old. I will say that having the two little girls was the very best thing for them and for us. We just don't have the energy that we did when our OG kids (lol we call them the starter kids - with their approval) so they REALLY enjoy each others exuberance! Anyway, I think you two are going to be the very best parents for sure - but I would highly recommend that you seriously talk through having a sibling for your baby. Kids need other kids, and we didn't realize that until the girls got older, they have the coolest relationship. It is something to think about anyway. Love you guys so much. Thanks for sharing your lives with all of us.

[@Pinkhippo0607]

I wish these podcast were longer!!! I LOVE listening to you guys!!! ❤

[@lynnielu7852]

I am not selfish I'm self aware. Todd, thanks for that. I needed to hear that more than anything.

[@gregmckinney7178]

You guys are so amazing to me because you can see the Love in your eyes when you talk to each other !!!

[@Dgonisp]

Слёзы Тодда, стали хорошей семейной традицией ваших видео=). Хотел что-то написать, поддержать ... ваш рассказ меня сильно поразил, в положительном контексте. Представить сложно что вам пришлось пережить, когда вы отказались от программы усыновления. Вы молодцы ! Прошли это вместе, сохранили себя, вынесли опыт. Мне кажется мысли о ребенке возникают тогда, когда встретим того самого. Того, чью улыбку, принципы, поведение, отношение, что-то положительное и что-то отрицательное хочешь сохранить для этого мира, мира который будет после нас.

[@tangentswithtylerandtodd]

Благодарю вас за ваши добрые слова. Мы очень ценим это и посылаем вам всю нашу любовь.

[@pierrearthur5428]

Hi folks, we were so totally transported by this…. We said to each other about a thousand times “ oh, that’s exactly like we are too” ! I’m more like Tyler ans he’s more like Todd, and we celebrate 30 years🎉of happiness. We too got scaring ourselves at times with the “what if” questions but at 58 we can now say that things happen for a reason and that whilst the journey didn’t always unfold as initially planned it was mostly fun and brought us way further than we had hoped for. Sending you rays of positive energy and love from old Europe, Pierre

[@jackalfresco7059]

You are both so mature and loving. You would make the best dads EVER!❤🌈🏳‍🌈🥰

[@JerryDechant]

There are things about parenting that I think people make mistakes in believing. One is that when you have a child, you own it. There isn't ownership when it comes to another person/soul/being. As a parent, you are a guardian, caretaker, teacher for that child. It's not like having a pet, it is much deeper than that, and there is so much more responsibility involved in bring up a child. (BTW, my commentary isn't directed at you two, but rather commentary in general about being a parent and its responsibility.) When you have a child, you are assuming the responsibility to guide him/her into being an independent capable person who makes wise decisions about how to go on with their own life. I think that is such a HUGE responsibility, and one that is so easy to screw up. Love, compassion, caring and honest and open communication are essential elements of any relationship and most important when it comes to being the guide and care giver to those little people, we call children. When you have children, your life focus completely changes from being focused upon you and your partner's interests and needs, to the care and upbringing of that child. That is a BIG shift. Talk to any parent who made that transition, before and after having a child, they will tell you your focus definitely changes. But at the same time, all that other life stuff doesn't go away, you still have all of that other stuff to consider and take care of for it all to be healthy and taken care of as well.

[@auntbeth6794]

Thank you for expressing so clearly the difference between having children and raising them.

[@jennifermcdonald5432]

Here’s a topic for you if you’re ever bored, you’re standing at a railway crossing, on one track is the person you love, on the other track are a thousand people, you’ve got the switch, which track do you send the train down?

[@joyglocker8318]

About the tea: I believe intimacy is more important than sex, at least for me. That's what I need to be happy. That said, I would talk with the partner, cause maybe he isn't happy or totally fulfilled in the marriage either. Maybe both would be better of when they separate and stay friends ( cause otherwise the years of marriage would be kinda lost ) and find happiness with someone else. My ex set me down and told me he fell in love with a colleague. Yes, that was a shock, but not as bad as I thought. So we got divorced, he is happily married now with a kid and I am single and can go travel. We are still in contact, still be friends. I agreed to the divorce cause I love him as a friend and want him to be happy, so.....lives changes, plans change, circumstances change, people change. We should allow ourselves to be happy. Because.....life is too short to be miserable....

[@sally1569]

I promise you will know when (and if!) you are ready. For my husband and me, we weren’t interested in becoming parents in our twenties, we both were content on focusing on our careers. Becoming parents at thirty-six to our son was perfect for us. If you think you know what love is now, just wait until you have a child! You both would be such a blessing to each child you bring into your family.❤️

[@shanderela]

So much love! I just love your story and realness! I also love the comic relief of my ADD kicking in whenever I see squirrel! XOXO love from Grand Ledge,Michigan

[@iolojobi6294]

I gave birth to my son and thought this was an amazing gift. I thought I would love to give a gift of a child. And two years later I gave up my daughter for adoption, in an open adoption. We have beautiful relationships and feel grateful for our open adoption. My daughter is 30 and it has been a beautiful journey so far.

[@dancingonhands]

My husband and I got married later than most, and we went back and forth on the children issue for several years. One day he was talking to a close friend who’s a doctor with grown children. Here’s what he said to my husband: Even if everything goes well, raising children is the hardest thing you’ll ever do, so you need to want it with ALL YOUR HEART!! When my husband told me this, we just looked at each other and knew. We didn’t want it badly with all our hearts. And we’ve never regretted our decision to not have children. Life can be very hard, very challenging. By the way, that’s good advice for anything you are considering: starting a business, getting married, moving to a new place, etc. Do you want it with ALL YOUR HEART? You guys are truly special and extraordinary. Love you both!🩷🩷

[@sensiblegolda]

OMG! This is a selfish thing to say but I'm going to say it anyway. I'm glad that you two did not get picked for the adoption because I want to see both you guys, Tyler and Todd, have twins. One Tyler and one Todd baby. Just have a surrogate or two surrogates or one surrogate carry both babies at the same time who will have your personalities, your facial features, your temperaments--two babies that are just like the two of you. Little versions of the two of you because you guys have such big hearts; you're smart, intelligent, kind, funny, outgoing, caring lovable men. I mean you two just have to have a baby each that's close in ages so that your family can just flourish and you don't have to go through the process twice of diapers and being 2 year old, starting preschool--you can do all of that once with both of your kids. Just a suggestion. You two deserve your own natural biological kids (a boy and a girl). And get all the love from them that you can get and give back to them before they get like 12 or 13 because that's when the change happens. They're Independence happens and then they don't want you smothering them anymore; they still love you, but they don't like to be smothered and you're going to want those memories from when they were infants all the way up to 12 when they let you hug them and cuddle. Anyway, that's my two-cents Good luck with everything.

[@switchrousseau4992]

A good idea for them to think about

[@katherinecarroll3706]

My wife and I have been together for 32 years and married for 8 years. My wife is the birth mother for both of our beautiful daughters. I know it is more difficult for you to have kids, but if you decide (how ever you go abut it) I think it will be the most amazing experience you will ever have in your life! I love being a parent. PS, My brother and I are adopted and we had the best parents. Being adopted was the best thing that happened to my brother and me. Whatever you decide will be the best for you!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@user-th8hk4wl7f]

As a therapist, this was such a rewarding episode for me to watch. I so wish everyone was as thoughtful making decisions about whether or not to have children, and what it will mean in terms of changing their lives. Your ideas are spot on. Any child that lands in your family will be very lucky to have the two of you as parents.

[@keepbeesalive7174]

My son and daughter in law have as close to a 50/50 parenting plan as any other couple I have seen but you are correct in believing that one parent takes the lead on certain issues and then there are times when it switches. I think your communication style is so open and deep that you will overcome any differences! I am loving the podcast!

[@michellea5506]

I have never been more excited for the two of you. You both are already amazing dads to the fur babies. I can see you becoming the most amazing dads to a beautiful baby when the time is right. Best wishes to you on this journey together. Can we please be cheesy and keep “T” names?!?! 😅

[@stacynissley7336]

You and the van wives should have kids together!! What beautiful children they would be😅

[@lesleyhughes3174]

Oh my gosh, I hope that was simply said in jest!!

[@dnonya5208]

🤣🤣🤣💜💜💜

[@morgansidhe3543]

As an adopted child in the '50's when the world was different, I wish now people could have had the support you have given yourselves before a child materializes in your lives. This is a very good thing. I support your journey to be responsible humans before you become responsible parents.

[@elainegeber4604]

I am amazed, you are so capable of holding these conversations with such wisdom and wit. If more of us were able to think critically as you both are doing, life for children and relationships would be happier and healthier.

[@kennethrush9363]

HI Tyler &. Todd. I been on this journey with you and thank you for it . I love your new podcasts about children and I think YOU WOULD. MAKE FANTASTIC PARENTS. you are. a fantastic couple and they could go on your journey with you. ( My partner and myself where together for 50yrs and regret we never had children but the law was different then and when he passed I had nothing there to look back on. And you are still young to enjoy the family life and both your parents would love being grandparents so I would say. Guys Go For It. And I bet the dogs would love it Xxxx

[@dianekerr6784]

So proud of you. You will make wonderful parents. Both my kids are adopted and no matter how they come to you it is always magic. Good luck and follow the magic.

[@tangentswithtylerandtodd]

Amazing to hear Diane, thank you so much ❤️

[@monamaxwell7570]

I absolutely L O V E you two!! You are my perfect couple. I’m a straight 70 year old female, and if half the couples in life would have your communication and commitment to each other what wonderful world it would be! 🎼🐕🐈‍⬛🐕

[@deniereynolds6119]

Thank you for your openness Todd and Tyler. I was a birth Mom in 1968, yes a heartbreak 💔 that rarely heals. It a serious consideration and it sounds like you’ve put more thought into it than most parents. Kids can be a real buzz kill, but they are my buzz kills. As long as you have healthy boundaries that are flexible; your sense of humor will save you every time. ❤❤❤

[@admcaldwell]

Hey Tyler and Todd. Thank you for another great video. Happy and healthy thoughts to you both and especially Charlie.

[@tangentswithtylerandtodd]

Thanks so much, means a lot 😊

[@patriciamillin1977]

This is fast becoming my absolute favourite podcast. Thank you, guys ❤️

[@mariecochran9940]

I so loved this podcast! We went through the adoption process for 8 years with a number of different agencies. We finally became parents in Germany. You made the comment about how little control you felt had when you were waiting to hear if you were picked. I smiled because in a nutshell, that’s what parenting is. Praying you can grasp a modicum of control every now and than. You two will be wonderful parents. Period. (Our sons (2) are now 38 and 34.) Oh, and we agreed to a rule when we were working to become parents; only one of us can go crazy at a time. Once the crazy one settles down, then the other paren can go nuts. I think it’s a healthy rule.

[@tabysart]

I’m 39 and I never wanted to be a mom. I love having the freedom to do whatever you want. Also having a child is an incredible responsibility that I don’t take lightly. It’s a life that depends on you. So many people have kids for the wrong reasons or don’t even try to be the best parents. It’s a serious job

[@crinkle2649]

My dad and his siblings were born at home. When one of his brothers was born they didn't know what to name him so the doctor said if they didn't figure it out soon he was going to name him Nick. So even though he was not named that, everyone called him that. I thought that was his name until I was in high school 😄

[@kingglizzer]

Interesting stuff, thanks for sharing, I learned new things. Always here for Tears with Todd. 🤣 Todd seems to have such a huge heart. You both work like ten mad dogs, and I admire how you have built the life you want.

[@gmasookie7841]

Best thing I ever did in my life was have children. They are the loves of my life. And now I’m a grandma and it is just as great! And I had my own set of challenges as a single Mom. Enjoy every moment - it goes fast. Best wishes to you ~ ❤

[@dimplepointfive]

Our daughter was 12 hours old before she had a name. We had the first names narrowed down to 2-3 and the middle figured out, but we needed to get to know her first. ❤️

[@karenduvall8370]

Good morning! I love Podcast Day ❤

[@julieburns64]

I really love your honesty hugs to you both and yes you would both make great Dads

[@smtwd6839]

I am the adoptive parent of three bi-racial children . We used our county children’s services agency. It was a smooth and thorough process. The only expense involved was the court costs for the final adoption. All of our adoptions are closed adoptions - we are very private people. I would suggest you carefully research your choice of open or closed adoption. I also suggest that the mother’s decision to surrender the baby be final the day you receive the baby. Some places give the mother a period of time where she can change her mind - an adoption nightmare. Best of luck whatever you decide.

[@michellejenkins5922]

Guys my eldest daughter was judged for not having children, she started menopause in her twenties, discussing things with her then partner he didn't want children. After 19 yrs together one day he came home and told her he had got someone else pregnant. As you can imagine people were furious and disgusted, that was 4 years ago today she is married bo t h she and her husband are foster parents. She loves her life. If you ask her she dosen t regret having children she is content and happy being a mother to children who really need it.

[@CarolP-uk]

Missed this one as well, so can’t wait to watch ❤️

[@tangentswithtylerandtodd]

Super excited to be watching this one with you all!

[@youtooaromatherapyyoga2991]

I love you two so much. I know you don’t know me but please know you’re a HUGE, happy part of my life and your journey is a big part of my life too as I’ve been with you from the very first video and I’ve just gone over them all again too! You’ll be the best Dads EVER and I cannot wait to be along for the ride with you both! Are you synched with the Sunday videos as we’ve just seen the new house and is this a part of this new decision to start the parenting again? Love to you and hope Charlie is feeling better too! ❤️❤️❤️

[@Andre_FR1984]

Another wonderful podcast. Enjoyed your conversation so much. I had a difficult time conceiving and looked into adoption. Then a miracle occured and I conceived. It may be a long process for you both, but so worth it. Oriiginally, I didn't want children. Today, I have an incredible 39 year old son, an attorney. He's a wonderful husband, daddy and son. Life works in mysterious ways. All the best to you in your journey.

[@lorigougeon8873]

“CAUSE WE LIVE ALONE IN THE WOODS” 😂❤ I really love the two of you, so real, raw and the humor is so engaging! The two of you will make the best parents! On that note, I think everyone goes through and ebb and flow of wanting or deciding if they are ready for children. They take over your life. You make a commitment to love and care for them from Day 1 until your last day. It’s the largest responsibility a person can make and should never be taken lightly. I applaud you for making the decision to be open to it, once you both felt it was time.

[@sarawarrener2193]

Wow guys,, These podcasts are amazing. The strength of your communication, respect and love for each other is evident in every single video. It’s the kind of relationship we should be striving for and these podcast could be amazing tools for people going through everything single thing you’ve discussed in each podcast. That being said you would make the most incredible parents and think we all agree any child would hit the jackpot having you as parents❤❤

[@switchrousseau4992]

Totally agree

[@lindakemp2742]

Good mornig Tyler and Todd, l'm sure with everything going on in your life that this is going to be the biggest decision you will make one way or the other, but l will stand by you both either way. I love you both even though l don't really know you personally but l feel like your my step son and l only want the best in life always.❤❤

[@tangentswithtylerandtodd]

Definitely - I think no matter what someone has going on in their life, this is one of the biggest decisions someone can make!

[@PurpleLady9555]

I truly believe any child you raise will be lucky to have two loving parents. It’s more than you love, it’s how you communicate with each other. I’m 63. My hubby and I struggled for 7 years, multiple false pregnancies, miscarriages, surgical procedures, etc. We feel blessed to have our one. But we also went through the adoption process and friends and family offers of surrogacy. It’s heartbreaking enough I’m in tears just remembering. Thank you for sharing.💜💜

[@PMPerspective]

As a gay father of a 9 year old, this episode hit close to home. I always knew I wanted to be a father. In fact, when I finally admitted to myself I was gay, at 21, the belief that I would never have a family was a huge source of personal mourning and struggle. I almost didn't survive my early 20's, but, as fate would have it, my husband found me and he helped me to believe again, that life could be good. We shared the dream of family and embarked on the same adoption journey you described. We actually had two plans for adoption "fall through," a painful experience and a story for another day. What I came here to say is that my gut tells me you will make amazing parents. You guys are so much like my husband and I, in personality and outlook on life. And something tells me that someday you'll look back and think becoming a parent was the best thing that ever happened to you. Sending all our love your way. Your fans, Jason, Ron and little Morgan. ❤

[@tangentswithtylerandtodd]

Little Morgan is so lucky that you're still here...even though I'm teary eyed AGAIN, thank you for this message.

[@nathanjeriwalker2858]

Eddie is your emotional support dog while you talk about these difficult topics.

[@tangentswithtylerandtodd]

So true! 🐶❤️

[@libertyblueskyes2564]

Cmon Tyler, the way you love those dogs and your kitty, you would be a perfect parent.

[@ziggy33399]

I’m a 75 yr old woman. I’ve never had any kids. That said, I have a 2 brothers & 1 sister who DID have them. One other sister doesn’t have children….but she tried. For myself, I watched all the other people who REALLY wanted children and I guess I just knew inside that there was no pressure on me because the expectations to carry on a bloodline weren’t there. I KNEW I could adopt and be fine with that ….with the condition I was with a man as good as my own father. I had excellent parents , and with that came the knowledge and experience of how wonderful life can be. If I truly found what I had, I’d go for it in a heartbeat. But I also knew as I moved forward it just didn’t happen for me. I could fall in love but never found anyone who I thought could be as good as my dad. He was a storyteller, a Musician, an engineer, and lots more. He was fun! My mother was a comedian, an excellent cook, and read a book a day usually (and she, too, was more). So I don’t feel the guilt but have noticed (more so now that I’m older) others feeling sorry I have no children, grandchildren, etc). I’ve had a LOT OF FUN and freedom and experienced other things. Life can be different for everyone. Always go with the guts. Learning all the details comes as it unfolds. ❤🎉❤

[@tinabailey4083]

The time will come and you both are going to make amazing parents! Can’t wait and so hope you’ll continue to share this journey with us❤️💕❤️

[@maryjeannelson1334]

Tyler, you're not giving yourself enough credit. The both of you will be amazing parents. I see how much you love your pets, how gentle you are with them. Plus, you both have great chemistry and wonderful senses of humor which you need if you'reb going to be parents. you both will love your child/children greatly.

[@deborahcouzens4877]

I will be 60 next month. I have always known i didn't want kids. I was called selfish when i first got married. It was to the point of bullying ..a lot! I love kids i just am not maternal. I once had therapy. My therapist told me i was extremely maternal, it was just directed for animals. Im definitely not selfish. I love animals and my life of being involved in animal welfare and charities has filled me with so much joy. So hey 👋 as long as a person is giving, loving and kind to ALL beings, i feel you make a positive imprint in this often harsh world. You two are great furdads and will ALSO be great with kids. All the very best...love from uk 🇬🇧 ❤xx

[@pamelaavery2483]

I knew at 20 when I first got married I didn’t want kids. Everyone said you’ll be sad and one day want them…I’m now 58…had a hysterectomy at 37…never had kids and never once ever regretted it. Congratulations to what ever makes you happy. Love you guys and do what makes you happy 💜

[@tangentswithtylerandtodd]

I LOVE stories like this. There is nothing worse than people that say "you're going to regret it"...as if they somehow actually know the person you are at your core. Proud of you for doing what was right for you xoxo

[@rieckenberg]

My husband and I just became parents through surrogacy in Canada (unfortunately it's not yet legal in Germany, where we live). We're now the lucky dads of a 5 months old boy. Our agency was awesome and they couldn't have made the surrogacy journey easier and smoother for us. Our surrogate lives in Edmonton and we're now gearing up for a sibling journey with her next year. If you need any details or want some more infos, just let me know. I'd be happy to tell you all about it. I'm sure you'll make amazing dads. Cheers from Germany.

[@pattyberry2258]

My partner and I never wanted kids and we don't regret that decision now after 40 years together. Kids are not for everyone and I think we all have to accept that everyone is different and you have to do what works for you. You two will make amazing parents and your child or children will have a wonderful life on the land.

[@tangentswithtylerandtodd]

Agreed! Thanks so much ❤️

[@user-ji5ec1kb1u]

When my Mom got pregnant with my baby sister, my Dad was 45 years old. My sister turned out to be "his baby" that he doted on more than he did the rest of us 5 kids. Yes. 6 kids! You'll be great dad's!! As much as you dote on your dogs, a child or 2 would be loved!! I had twins my first pregnancy. 7.4 1/2 Oz each. Both very healthy!! My youngest daughter was born about 2.5 years later. They all had kids of their own. Both of my twins passed. So. Now it's just my youngest daughter is all I have. Plus 5 grandkids & 7 great grandkids!! Even if you adopt, or use subrogation, you will love the child you get!! Guaranteed!!! ❤❤❤ You guys are so very lucky to be able to talk to each other!! Good luck with whatever you do!!! ❤❤❤

[@richardmundy4288]

BLESS YOU TWO

[@janineernst2711]

Love you guys!