Helena Bonham Carter - Therapy Works

“The shortest distance between two people is laughter"
My next guest is award-winning actress, Helena Bonham Carter. She is a total original, funny and wise, thoughtful, irreverent and utterly herself. In this joyous, meaningful and wide ranging conversation which had moments of great humour it was Helena’s inspirational wisdom that ran through it most profoundly.
In this conversation, we discussed:
The big dilemma we all face in finding our purpose and the complexity of what makes us humanHow Helena won’t let difficult events defeat her but she “will make music of what remains”How we are all a multiplicity of beings and why it helps us to choose life and joy and not take ourselves too seriouslyThe painful consequences of divorce, what helps and how it takes proper time to process these big life changing events The wisdom of the Victorians to wear black at painful times to honour the loss and let the world know “I am not my normal self” How singing can be a marvellous antidote to self criticism and shame.

[@themovingdance2744]

My granny was my life rock…she is with me everyday

[@thegreatsookini]

Regarding preparing for death, my father died slowly over 42 years. I was 10 when it started. It was hard but by happenstance, I fell into a useful grieving process. I started writing what I would now call eulogies (at 10) in the form of poems and letters, stories I would tell friends. So, when it came time to write his eulogy, I was well practiced. It was still hard and came with a flood of tears in a Saskatoon hotel room. I gave the tribute, a goodbye letter, the day of his funeral. And, in many ways, I was able to appreciate all of the waves of excruciating memory, like they were waves of labour in childbirth-gifts of pure love. Before he died, I was not able to talk to him about his death. I wish that had been possible, but, his mind was largely gone. I did find a way to be close to him, though, by bringing my ukulele to the hospital and playing and singing his favourite songs with him. That always felt like it would be adequate closure should it it be our last visit. Lastly, after he died, we planned a family holiday retracing his life in Saskatchewan. We left ashes in his friend’s tomatoes garden, at his sister’s apple tree, where he taught me to fish, at his parents’ homestead and the gas station they owned in the late 60’s. So I had another season of mourning with my children and brother. I feel finished with the hard parts of grief. I savoured them. Now, my dad is with me as his devine self. I quite love it.

[@theresacrubaugh2095]

I saw my mother getting closer to death so, I realized I needed tethers to hold me to the earth. (She was the last of my family.) I ended up with 5 pets. I had friends call me daily to make sure I was okay. I recommend tethers, Helena. And after a funeral, have a massage. There is a need for being touched. At my mother's funeral I luckily had a friend, a massage therapist, offer me a massage. I highly recommend this! It should be a required custom.

[@-bellatrixlover-]

I just love Helena’s sense of humour she’s relatable to🖤🖤

[@edwardianspice1]

This is really interesting. I’ve never grown up. I think trauma can cause arrested development because it freezes the mind at the time of the trauma, until the brain can process the trauma x

[@MB-vu3ow]

Helena is unusually beautiful.

[@edwardianspice1]

Have a Lockdown after a death, allow ourselves to heal. That’s such a vital and profound idea. I’m really struggling atm, with pet loss, and it feels that that there should be that awareness, that respect for whoever we’ve lost. We’ve lost those rituals, those rites of passage that enable healing

[@bonnacon1610]

I’ve long thought that the Victorians got some of it right with their grieving rituals. Imagine being able to wear a black armband that communicates “I’m in mourning at the moment, please be kind/don’t expect too much”. People speak about Victorian rituals as oppressive (full mourning for a period, then half-mourning etc) but I think that’s a crude and inadequate response to a social practice that must have helped give individuals time and space in which to grieve and be vulnerable.

[@adriennebyrne8237]

We are unlimited multifaceted divine beings ❤ thank you Helena for that thought 💭

[@hilaryhoye8087]

Brilliant absolutely brilliant, thank you. My husband died 6 months before lockdown after a challenging illness so lockdown was totally isolating for me. I was disconnected from everyone and everything and the world was totally obsessed with self and overwhelmed with their own traumas and fear. By the time we came out of lockdown and started to 'gather' again my grief was no longer on their radar. It was such a hard time.

[@amyaldrich780]

My heart aches for you and what that experience of isolation was like for you.❤️‍🩹

[@sabinekoch3448]

My husband died of an illness 8 weeks before lockdown and, as a teacher, I was thrown into online-teaching overnight. It did give purpose to the new life, but I didn’t really mourn until I retired three years later…

[@karenisherwood3089]

@@sabinekoch3448 I'm so so sorry to hear that - sending you love and support.

[@internationalsmiles]

I love Helena more, she is so real. This is the first time I have ever heard her real life. So inspiring, relatable (not the famous part of course ) childhood, keeping peace and going through life. God bless you both. 💕🎀

[@jacquelynfairchild369]

Reincarnation is The Truth!!! We experience it also in this life. ❤we don't have the same body we had as an infant, teenager etc. Our Soul is Eternal. It can not be destroyed in Any Way!!!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@knobfieldfox]

Eveybody has got a personal story about how they navigated their way through life’s challenges and disappointments - famous actors and celebrities are no exception. Sometimes what we may think is an uncommon experience or a ‘shameful’ personal secret, can turn out to be surprisingly commonplace.

[@janswimwild]

Joy, tears, intelligence, sensitivity, vulnerability. What a privilege to listen in. Please can we have part two?! Thank you 🙏🏼❤️

[@edwardianspice1]

Most trauma is about loss of control, so those of us who are lucky enough to be artists can use our art to reshape that narrative

[@themovingdance2744]

My sister does that. I m writing poetry to speak to my granny 😢🎉❤

[@carlA1803.]

This podcast is a gift and I am incredibly happy to have found it. This episode really is one of my favourites. Not only because of the subjects that are discussed but also because you both have a very calming voice. I could listen to Helena talking for hours no matter what about and not get sick of it. THANK U SO MUCH for this to both of you!

[@edwardianspice1]

I think preparatory grief does pave the way for a slightly easier loss. My father had dementia and each time I saw him in the care home I’d grief all over again because I had lost a little bit more of him. But I had the chance to say the things I may never have said if I hadn’t been prepared. On the day he died I just felt relieved because for him, it was finally over. Thanks so much for this.

[@sabinekoch3448]

It was a wonderful film on Timothy Winton - and the wonderful focus on those 650 children he saved and not focusing on those children he couldn’t save any more- he kept them alive in his heart but was finally able to see what the effect of saving those he could save , had on their lives.

[@mariapaz2789]

I needed this ..l just can't move on sentimentally after my parents passed before COVID ..it's been 4 years but l miss them so much .😢

[@edwardianspice1]

I think we artists try to protect our art, and the impetus to protect that is also the impetus to protect our innocence

[@caseywilson3853]

I absolutely obsessed with Helena! I love her so much! She is my fav person in the whole wide world! ❤

[@cupofteawithpoetry]

I love Helena Bonham Carter and I love listening to discussions like this! So for me this was an amazing find on KZbin! Thank you both very much. I'm going to have another listen with a notebook so that I can jot down your great sayings and life advice. Thank you 😊

[@isafurtado]

I'm so glad to have found this, recently I became an adult (at least legally, what is it to become an adult anyway?) and I relate to all the topics that were discussed. Lately I've been thinking a lot about the types of grief that we go through in life, but especially the grief of the end of your childhood. During my teenage years I wasn't aware that I was grieving the end of my childhood, in addition to this, the "shitty committee" and life situations that I couldn't control didn't make it any easier. Fortunately, at some point I realized that I couldn't let my self destructive part take control forever and I found the strength to crawl myself out of my self-pity and self-punishment pit. I'm in a much better state of mind now, figuring out my own feelings and allowing myself to grieve over things has helped me to be kinder to myself and to people around me. And dealing with the shitty committee is a daily exercise, as Helena pointed out, it gets easier, and the same goes with all the difficult situations in life, you grow, you get stronger, it gets easier, just take your time. 🍀

[@edwardianspice1]

Thoughts can be original. Feelings rarely are. Because what we feel is what connects us to our humanity. Thoughts often separate us from others, from society. But the thinkers amongst us have to navigate between the thoughts and the feelings, and light the way

[@jacquelynfairchild369]

We Choose our Parents in order to learn the.lessons we need to learn.❤

[@karate4348]

I find that belief really dangerous for children of abusive families if their parents believe that. Thousands of babies and infants are raped and murdered in households, trafficking rings and rituals. How on earth (which is the magnificent planet we live with) does this connect with children and lifetime suffering with not enough refuge, food water and wilderness, retreat and healing for billions of us. So dismissive of the whole of lifetime and the creation of So many who don't have a say in the 3 or so seconds it takes to make a lifetime. It's a very dodgy belief where children's suffering is dismissed. No thank-you.

[@timrushton3827]

This uplifting, insightful, authentic sharing has really helped me feel better with the overwhelming grief of recently (January 2024) losing my Beloved Mum & Best friend. I am 62 on Thursday, it's my first Birthday without her in the physical. God Bless & Thank You Both (Debbie)

[@optimisticgal]

Thank you for opening this up to us. Helena is lovely. I feel humbled and empathetic toward you, we sometimes forget the actor is a vulnerable human, especially when you play such strong characters. Thank you both🙏

[@edwardianspice1]

It’s about the need to change the narrative, like you say, it’s about control, and any therapy will teach you about ways of taking back the control you never had growing up x

[@kimmoore2681]

Wow, what an amazing video and podcast to fall into my feed. Helena, she reminds me of traits of myself. I too exhaust myself with all this busyness of my mind. Sometimes i feel my life and environment asks so much of me , and i respond by giving a lot of me hence by 4pm its not unusual for me to take a nap because im frankly exhausted. I am an old soul and an old soul recognises another old soul for sure. Im 52 and my mother is 74 but I am still older than her and always have been and as a child. Im older in soul age than my father too. I totally agree with helena is that yes, I do find modern life way more complicated than it needs to be. I find frustrating sometimes. Im like 'Really?, u wanna do it this way? Really? Why for gods sake?? 😂

[@user-sg7dr1hz7i]

This was great. I was also born old,I am an old soul. I am 61 and sometimes feel 6 on the inside. Thank you,love you.

[@tonitichauer4723]

Thank you. Just realized that i truly respect Helena Bonham Carter ❤. Also, your mom won't cease to exist, just moving to another place which i believe 100%

[@lisathomas1622]

Wow, two of my favorite people having a talk. This is fabulous except it’s 1:38 a.m. and I have to sleep. 😂. Something to be excited about for tomorrow..oh wait I have to go into the office so I can download it and listen on my way in. Yahoo! KZbin premium is great.

[@breelong2544]

Beautiful ❤️ It seems Helena would love family constellations work and also IFS ( internal family systems )which works with all your parts .

[@edwardianspice1]

I admire actors, because it must be tough investing so much yet knowing that you don’t have ultimate control over the end result.

[@loeeylo]

I loved listening to this. the commenter who called it a gift is right. what an amazing conversation, and what I wouldn’t give to be able to experience conversations like this. I could feel the immense amount of wisdom coming from both of you, and I soaked up every second. I’m 24 and once again find myself at a point in my life in which I think I have a grasp on my identity/calling, then I suddenly I have no idea, and then a sense of clarity hits me a year later. I related with so much of what Helena said, so many of her realizations about herself, sometimes nearly word for word. It’s comforting to remember that at any given moment, so many people in the world are experiencing the same thoughts and insecurities and traumas and healing journeys and cycles, and we’re all just trying to moving forward, because it’s the only thing there is to do.

[@edwardianspice1]

I have moon in Gemini. I have ADHD. Manic brain. I’ve lived before. 😮

[@edwardianspice1]

All art is a form of therapy x

[@Nayz13]

What a lovely conversation, thankyou

[@juliasamuelmbe]

Thank you for watching, and for leaving a comment :D

[@Nayz13]

@@juliasamuelmbe You’re very welcome ☺️

[@psyfiles7351]

So many gems I. This interview!

[@edwardianspice1]

Helena, it may be because you have lived before. I think I have and I remember feeling old as a child and as an adult I feel more like a child.

[@adeletaylor4327]

who is georgie rutherford, name on the screen. great interview.

[@tahleasinparker3660]

I’m so grateful for this interview, thanks to both of you for sharing it. It really helped me and also gave me a lot to think about.

[@JoJo-ju7xw]

Oooooh, can't wait to see part 2

[@margueritespringer3687]

Uplifting conversation Thank you

[@edwardianspice1]

It was ‘icons contain multitudes’ x

[@Renxo761]

Helena Bonham Carter is probably one of the few celebrities that I like and I don't like celeb culture, I worship God and not people. Helena is really cool, and she has so much of my respect. We have mutual friends but I never got to meet her (yet). Good on her for advocating therapy- I love going. She's genuinely so, so cool and has inspired me since I was 15. Unlikely, but please tell her I said hi. Always hoping to bump into her around Hampstead lol. She's beautiful inside and out, and so talented. Such a remarkable woman.

[@lesleybrown1583]

The purpose of the 'celebrity' is to harness sexual energy and lead you astray,they are all freemasons ,inverted ,no matter how 'nice' they appear ,and people idolize them !

[@jacquelynfairchild369]

I Really Enjoy Your Films. Also my Birthday is May 26, 1951

[@lucykeightley1466]

Loved this! I am sure having nothing left unsaid and nothing good or bad left on the table is a good way forward….no regrets….

[@ADDZZ361]

hank you for making this interview.

[@chiyohanson4622]

I grew up with lots of trauma. I had a breakdown in the early 2000s. I sleep too. It's better than it used to be. I don't know why it happened. I have never been the same. I'm optimistic & my faith has got me thru everything. I'm grateful to have the life I have. It was so much better than others have had. I'm blessed. ✝️ ♥️🙏

[@glitterschatje4313]

you both have helped me so much. I have enjoyed listening. Thank you!

[@heenajackson2817]

Helena Bonham Carter is amazing 😂

[@rach650]

So glad I found this! I love her!❤

[@seatree4727]

Made so much sense … loved this ❤

[@aquariusmoon771]

Enjoyed. Thank you.

[@tinatotrova1762]

Thank you much ❤

[@thegreatsookini]

You are probably both aware of Richard Schwartz’ No Bad Parts. But in case you are not. Here you go!

[@alannareid7419]

I have loved listening to this. Such a depth of understanding.

[@melodyforeman3421]

So brilliant 😊

[@n-xsta]

Wow ❤

[@digitaltango]

What an enjoyable and enlightening conversation. I love the idea of singing out what the "shitty committee" (aka the inner critic) says in one's head. Great channel.

[@martinacatinelli]

I just love listening tremendously. It is very much part of who I am and I always feel the itch and wishful thinking to sit with you lovely ladies and be part of this conversation. Helena Bohnam Carter would be my friend of choice, and Minnie Driver, if I could have the world of my desires. Much love.

[@sonnysofia]

Wonderful conversation beautiful women 💕❤️❤️💕

[@juliasamuelmbe]

Glad you enjoyed it

[@nicolepeulen3964]

I love this, thank you for these insights and how it is so relatable (have not been through divorce, but have definitely known loss and grieve). I love Helena, especially where she is so reflective, so completely herself and how she embraces vulnerability and grows from it in strength. Thank you for inspiring!

[@nicolepeulen3964]

And cannot wait for the follow-up! I'd love to see much more ❤

[@wowjef]

Great chat. Of course the shitty committee can be useful too: it can correct a tendency towards smug self-satisfaction or even arrogance. Better to bring yourself down a peg or two than have others do it for you

[@gdvvgdfv]

When does Helena say "don't put your happiness in the hands of other people"?

[@edwardianspice1]

We become artists because in essence, something about the world doesn’t satisfy us, so we are continually driven to create and recreate the world in a way that will satisfy us, and in a way that we hope will complete us, but of course that’s a process that repeats and repeats because we are endlessly playing out our unfulfilled dreams. We are Eros and Thanatos, creators and destroyers

[@terry63lee]

it is interesting that our psyche's just like John Carpenter's "The Thing" are able to absorb many many different forms (a combination of both positive and negative) around us. this almost sounds like dissociative identity disorder, except that we are sometimes very conscious of this collage of different identities that we have absorbed, and which help us to adapt and survive.

[@terry63lee]

i might also add (in an odd and mysterious way) that projecting is something that we do when we feel lonely and desperately need a sense of belongingness and shared experience. what our poor battered psyches are able to handle and not handle is a testament of something much deeper inside of us that teeters on being somewhere between fate and self-prophecy. thus, our inability to feel self-confidence when we are attempting to articulate our most private personal painful feelings.

[@terry63lee]

when i was able to switch from drinking tequila to drinking i.p.a. (india pale ale), then i was able to find a much better sense of personal sanity. better for myself that is. i gulped the tequila down (after being watered down) but could drink a whole big bottle that way. whereas with i.p.a., i have to sip it slow because if i try to drink it too fast i become nauseous. and i don't finish the whole six-pack (have one or two left over), and i don't get drunk (like with tequila) and wind-up singing shit-faced drunk on the street corner at midnight.

[@terry63lee]

my purpose in life is listening to helena bonham carter speak. and her possibly reading me bedtime stories or bedtime poems late at night and tucking me in. her and morgan scorpion are very very good at reading and speaking.

[@themovingdance2744]

Indigenous peoples have a ritual process

[@O-Dsessyus]

I think very dark thoughts and it upsets me.

[@mayamicallef5959]

me too

[@O-Dsessyus]

One technique i use is i balance them with positive ones straight away.. Also exercise

[@edwardianspice1]

Computers! My main dysregulation triggers!

[@melissaalexander176]

Gripping

[@kriegerkaiser]

SDP?

[@George-po3fx]

Helena arrested development? … then I’m embryonic or barely a twinkle…