Adoption Visit RECAP || Not What we Expected-Emotional Outcome || When the System Fails us All

#adoption #adoptionupdate #adoptionvisit
Hello KZbin family! Such an emotional 10 days for our family. Maybe I should have waited to record this video until I had more time to process everything, but my channel is my way of expressing myself, so here are my raw and true thoughts and feelings regarding our first IN HOME visit with Jackson.
I almost didn't make this video in fear of mumbling through without clearly articulating my thoughts and to be honest there is a little bit of FEAR. The internet can be a VERY mean place...and I fear the judgement and hateful comments that may come from my recap. However, I would challenge anyone that has a hateful comment to make...until you've walked in our shoes and dealt with what we just dealt with from sun up to sun down for 10 days...do not minimize what we are feeling & don't hate...cuz I'll just delete your comments and carry on, ain't nobody got time for that!
Our hearts are in the right place and this has been so hard on every single one of us. At the end of the day, I have no doubt in my heart, that we've made the right decision.
As you all know, we've been working on adopting Jackson for about a year and a half. To our surprise & disappointment, this visit didn't go anything as we had expected.
I'm saddened by the system, I'm saddened by the lost children that will never be given a true fighting chance at life, at a family...true permanency. Over medicated, with ZERO guidance as to how to live in a home environment, it's heart-breaking.
I feel like we were set up for failure. Most of all, I feel that Jackson was/is set up for failure. There were very significant issues that were NOT disclosed to us prior to this visit and I think that maybe if they had been...things could've been handled differently.
Thanks for hanging out with me today friends...Tina is signing out, with one more glass of wine and a prayer as I end this long day...
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[@FieldFarmForest]

Children of complex trauma are a whole other creature. Traditional parenting does not work. I’m in year 12 of parenting an adopted child like this. It doesn’t get easier. He’s now a teen and mental health services for children in Michigan has gaps. I’m so sorry for your heartbreak.

[@HomeFreeAlaska]

Thank you for this. It may sound crazy but hearing you say that gives me reassurance that we made the right decision for our family. God bless you for hanging in there with your young one. 💗🙏🏻

[@lealade]

This video just popped up as I was looking for one of your others. I know it's old and I pray commenting doesn't bring sadness again as you read it.. but I just wanted to say, no love is ever wasted. Maybe those tidbits of love and discipline planted a seed in him. Hopefully he could lay his head down on that pillow and know there is more to the world than what he's had to endure so far in his young life. I know from my own experience in foster care that it just takes a seed to be planted. From a drug addict mom and alcoholic father, I grew into a loving Christian mom and wife.. all because of foster parents who showed me the love of God. You may not have been the permanent family for Jackson, but your time spent loving him wasn't wasted.❤️

[@HomeFreeAlaska]

Absolutely friend. I agree, thank you so much for your sweet words! 🤍🤍🤍

[@teeh917]

Amen !!

[@joannewolfe5688]

What a hard thing for all of you to go through. That poor child, so in need of love and a home. Such a failure of the system he's stuck in. Obviously you made the choice you felt you had to make for your family. I know this video is 2 years old, and you have moved on and are trying for a baby of your own, but who knows what the future will bring in Alaska. Maybe (even if you have a baby) another child will come to you and he or she will be the child you were meant to have.

[@HomeFreeAlaska]

Thank you Joanne. I still think of & pray for Jackson.🤍

[@jimoray3]

This is so raw and so sad for all. I am so without words. You are so honest and P needs you. Prayers

[@southerngal9546]

What a powerful story. You and Joe have a heart of gold. I cried with you Tina. The more videos I watch the more amazing I think you all are. I can almost bet you made a difference in his life if only a little bit. He will remember what could be. Amazing story. Thank you for sharing.

[@HomeFreeAlaska]

Thank you friend. I still think about Jackson to this day.🤍🤍

[@ruththomas6361]

This is such a damning picture of the public "health" system. That poor boy is a victim. The health system's answer to just about EVERYTHING is pills and shots. I have seen that in foster kids here where I live. I witnessed it with a granddaughter. My granddaughter was diagnosed with schizophrenia and put on some nasty brain meds. She was a basket case. Her entire body vibrated. When she went to another state to be with her dad for the summer, she quit taking ALL the pills, and do you know what? She became a normal human being again. She became the funny, loving person she had been before the chemicals were forced on her. My heart aches for all those kids out there in the hands of the madmen who inflict this pain on these children.

[@HomeFreeAlaska]

Agreed!

[@Cougar1212]

@@HomeFreeAlaska I don't remember hearing. How old was the boy? I'm guessing 5-8?

[@adrianlaverick8040]

@@Cougar1212 9 years

[@Elizabeth-rh1hl]

This must have been a very hard decision but you had to consider Parker.

[@AngelBluff]

Just found your channel today. Started binging and going back to get your back story. It is truly disgusting the system works the way it does. To not be forthcoming with you guys knowing you have another young child at home is so wrong. I completely agree with your decision. You have to think about the affect on Parker. God bless you all! You did everything you could. The system let you down!

[@PeeWee743]

You did the BEST you could ..... Y’all were purposely misinformed!! Sad system 🤬

[@HomeFreeAlaska]

Thank you Shawn! I so thank you for your friendship & constant encouragement throughout this whole thing! 💗

[@PeeWee743]

Our Blessed & Beautiful Life..... Always here for you, Mija ❤️

[@lauraarmstrong5276]

Bless you. Quite insightful, caring and loving on your part. We can prey that child will get what he truly needs.

[@charleyb8423]

Shelter dogs and cats are treated far better than this child was in this world. Narcotics in a child's blood stream does not solve the problem. Child abuse to me. A band-aide for a gashing wound. Horrible. RAD. Thank you for trying to bring Jackson some stability and a love. Sadly, Jackson is not alone.

[@valeriedambrosio3278]

I am new to your channel and I just came across this. I am sorry you weren't given the proper information ahead of time. Part of Jackson's problems are probably ( I do not know this I am guessing here from what you have said) I believe could be from the home itself he's in like you said they can do whatever they want with no structure. He may have also been placed in ho.es like yours before. So he may act our because it's easier for him to do so. He feels like no one loves him and always leaves him. From what you had said about the progress you had made in that short amount of time is remarkable. I think your family would have benefited him greatly. He would of had a loving structured home. I understand though it takes a huge toll on everyone in the house to get him there. You had to do what was right for your family. It's a sad situation for everyone involved my heart goes out to all of you. Your vlog is amazing I love it.

[@reneakren1198]

Hi Tina, I hadn't seen your previous videos so I chose to go back a bit and stumbled across this video and the previous one. I have experienced what you did with Jaxon several years ago. A family member asked us if we could take their granddaughter and raise her at the age of 12. We agreed and when they brought her to us they also brought her brother. The grandparents unloaded their van with his clothes in trash bags. When I went to open the bags there was a horrible stench, he dedicated on himself all the time. He was 10 and his sister 12. That evening as we were sitting around the kitchen table they asked us to keep him and then proceeded to tell us he has been abused by his other grandparent, he lies, he steals, he poops his pants and has a horrible temper. When he got mad I often felt like his head was going to spin off his shoulders because he would turn red then purple, hands clinched into fists and shaking badly. My husband at the time without speaking with me told his brother that yes we would the him also. However, I was the one who had to parent the two along with our daughter who was a junior in high school. My life changed drastically. I had to get on medication for myself, I lost a lot of weight well, 25 lbs, I wasn't over weight at all. I had to drop out of the ladies Bible study I helped facilitate along with other things too. My husband at the time thought he was hiding his alcohol abuse but when you find hiding bottles all over the house you realize there is a problem. Unfortunately after 25 yrs of marriage I couldn't take his deceitfulness any longer. He didn't want his great niece or great nephew. I know some years have gone by since you guys have had Jaxson but you did show him love and correction when needed. Our heavenly Father does that even to us his children. There is so much more I could share, however I have said enough. I wanted so much for the two I had. The boy is now 23 yrs old and has been in and out of jail for stealing. I am not in contact with him due to the fact he has threatened to kill me. I have since moved out of state, he doesn't have my cell number and is blocked to even find me on social media. Well, I had better stop here. I could go on for another hour. You guys have a blessed evening. R

[@rosejarman6920]

I was blessed to give birth to 2 son's that had similar problems. My prayers for years were "Lord you gave me the wrong children" HUH No God said to me pretty loud that these are mine. I found the best Dr's my military insurance would take. My husband was Navy so6 months at a time he was gone. Now that all that BS is over and my son's are in there 30's and they are still with me. My husband has passed so it is up to me. Pure fear. That little boy would probably flourish under a new DR and a family that would love him. Please pray it be, and I will pray for the same!!

[@curtisep5885]

Breaks my heart to hear this...

[@FaithFULLFootsteps]

It really makes you wonder if they even want the children adopted; they make it soooo hard! I'm so sorry this was your experience!

[@victoriaflynn6506]

If only that ignorant lady really knew why planned parent up was set up.

[@HomeFreeAlaska]

Yep!

[@williambeckerson7615]

Please keep trying to help this guy in Jesus name . they is always a way to help . There is a test of your love and this seems to be one of the test of your love

[@georgiagardengirlshomestea1560]

Poor you! Sounds like O.D.D. and B.D. for sure. I had to learn how to handle a child like this before I could teach in the special Ed classroom.

[@HomeFreeAlaska]

Wish we would’ve known, we could’ve been better prepared.

[@kelldesoto]

I just happened to stumble upon your KZbin channel and loved your high hoop video....then I see this one and had to subscribe! We are unable to have children of our own and adoption is on our hearts but we're not quite ready to "make the leap." Still working through the heartache of infertility. I am saddened to hear that you were not set up for success with Jackson. Praise God for the time you were able to imprint on his heart. I pray he gains the support he needs as he grows up. It sounds like you made the best decision for him and your family! PS.... I love the shirt, too!

[@HomeFreeAlaska]

Hi Kelly! Thank you so much for your kind & encouraging words! I will pray for you & your husband. I know God has a plan for you guys. Yes, we still think of Jackson often & I hope we left some kind of impression on him. It was a difficult visit & very hard to take him back even tho we knew it was the right thing for our family. Thank you for subscribing! 💗

[@tomme3913]

😢 ❤

[@user-gm8mf8zo3k]

🙏🙏🙏🙌

[@robbielynnhowlethehomestea8761]

🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@WellaWally65]

Oh, my God! Ms. Tina! I have cried watching this video. My Grandson was in Foster Care in New York City for 10 ILLEGAL years! They were supposed to let me adopt him after being in the system for at least two or three years. But, disgustingly enough, this is a “Business.” It’s horrible! If the BP are complying and doing well, they just keep giving them the runaround. If the Foster parent is doing well, they give them the runaround and it takes forever to adopt. Medicating them is “there thing.” I went through hell with my poor grandson and these “medications/Drugs. I haven’t adopt my grandson, but I was granted Legal Custody, and as soon as I got him off these drug’s, he “came back to life.” I know this video is 2 years old, but you must thank God you didn’t “go there.”(Adopt) I’m so sorry for the little boy that you couldn’t adopt. He would’ve been the happiest boy in the world. I pray that he found a good home, wherever he is. But, do not feel guilty or bad. I never gave up, because it was my blood, my first born grandson. But, Foster Care Agencies are a nightmare. Not all of them, but the great majority. I’ll see if I can find a Documentary that explains it all. I’ll link it to you. Blessings!❤

[@HomeFreeAlaska]

Oh my heart is sad for your Grandson. I’m so happy he has a Grandma like you tho. It has been a couple yrs since our attempt to adopt Jackson but it still makes me sad when I think of him. And it’s even harder when ignorant people (most that have never tried to adopt from the system) leave hateful comments about our decision not to adopt him. I still pray for Jackson & pray that he has found a family. We just weren’t the right family for him. The system failed him and our family.🤍

[@WellaWally65]

@@HomeFreeAlaska Aww! Thank you! As I said, I have never given up on him. It’s been so hard, but we are doing so good. My beautiful 17 year old grandson, (his Birthday is this Sunday) is a senior at our local High School. I’m so proud of him! Medication FREE for the past Three years! He made HONOR ROLL! I sent you some link’s. You, please, do not regret anything. God was, and is, so in control of your life and well being. Stay blessed! I’m here watching your old videos for awesome recipes, and I come across this one, and just relived my struggles with Foster Care. God is Real! We love you!

[@ramblingrosie3762]

I'm sorry you went through this. You made the right choice for little Parker, Joe and your family. As Jackson got older would Parker have been a victim of bullying or Jackson's anger and frustration, that is not fair to Parker. You and Joe's intention was Christian and unselfish, but your first responsibility is to your family. But, it is heartbreaking to see such a broken child. I can understand your pain. Stay strong, stay wise and keep praying to God for guidance. Love from Australia 🇦🇺 ❤

[@Beverly-e4z]

Adoption can be wonderful. It can also be horrendous. I've always thought about the wisdom of bringing a potential negative to my children. And you never know.

[@margaretlarriva4573]

They should have told you everything about Jackson they should have warned you from day one!! The center was not honest about Jackson's situation! It would have been better for you to have known and prayed together as a family and decided if you wanted to except him with his special needs! Take your time and go slow!! Praying for you all lots of love to you all!!

[@Lynn_Up_North]

This babe sounds like he has severe autism and objectionable defiant disorder and it’s so unfair they didn’t tell you. Every child however needs to be loved and cared for. I sincerely hope he gets adopted or fostered by someone who can handle him. Bless all of you and much love.

[@WellaWally65]

Yup! They DO NOT tell you about there “issues” and medication’s and how many Foster Homes they’ve been through.

[@Mariettafireweed]

This hurts. I'm so sorry for you all. I know this is an order video. I can't imagine what those days were like. God bless you. Keep going. God's plan is big and beautiful.

[@pjk1714]

I'm a more recent subscriber and just happened to come across this older video. You are right about being more open with you but want to share something that might help you or others. Medications are given based on behaviors. It's a tier system. They stack those meds including Prozac to fix the issues. Every time they stack or switch, a little piece of that child disappears. The behavior you saw represented no executive skill coaching and cocktail reaction. It's easier to go that route then test diagnosis and actually take the time to treat. When you said you saw a different boy in the morning, it reflected no one else bothered to notice. In our case after refusing to take back without help, we found that cocktail could actually cause pulmonary failure. All meds were weaned in a controlled setting for six months. Executive skills were taught while we were taught separately to later support. Counseling was provided to rehash pain and trauma causing highs and lows. It was hard to watch, to experience and to share and embrace the pain. Bottom line, it worked. We also found some deficits were brain injuries from abuse and later the cocktail of meds. There is no ending, only positive with the tools to face rough moments and process without melt downs. Ended up with a computer genius looking forward to university. The system does fail. It's a given. We have to glean what information we can and a line ourselves with the right people stuck in that messed up system. I hope you realize you offered a bit of normal and actually taught that child a difference in that short time. I hope he drew from that despite not knowing the path before him. Thanks for your honesty.

[@PalaciosBienesRaices]

The system literally sabotaged everything 😢 Jackson will be in my prayers

[@freedomspromise8519]

Lord, have mercy on this child. I cannot imagine Jackson's life when he ages out of the system.

[@HomeFreeAlaska]

Yes. I can’t even imagine. The whole process was sad & I can imagine how disappointing it was for Jackson. Saddest part is I feel like they’re setting him up for failure. The shear amount of meds they have that boy on is mind boggling. I pray for him still. 💗

[@HomeFreeAlaska]

Yes. I can’t even imagine. The whole process was sad & I can imagine how disappointing it was for Jackson. Saddest part is I feel like they’re setting him up for failure. The shear amount of meds they have that boy on is mind boggling. I pray for him still. 💗

[@breehendrickson8807]

I'm going through and watching all your videos, and this breaks my heart for all of you

[@teeh917]

Sweetie, there is absolutely nothing new that I can say that has not already been said. I have actually been a part of something similar with my best friend of over 30 years. It was with 2 little boys, brothers, 7 & 8. They were told they were slightly autistic. They wanted the boys anyway. Like you and Joe, a stable, Christian home, etc. From the first night they brought them home, it was literally hell on earth for them for the next 7 years. The ONLY stipulation my friends had were, they weren't equipped to deal with children who had RAD. Both of the boys had been diagnosed with this prior to the adoption but that diagnosis and many other details were withheld from them, just like they did to you and Joe. It finally came to and end when the boys plotted and almost succeeded in killing my friends (their adoptive parents). I cried through most of this video. First, seeing the anguish on your face and then for Jackson. I know you have Kellen now.... and I know you still hurt for Jackson, because you're an amazing woman (Momma). Before I started typing this (you know I always type books) I had to compose myself and needed to pray. For you, for Jackson and for all the children that has been and are still in a deplorable system. You 100% did the right thing. 🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻

[@HomeFreeAlaska]

Teresa thank you for such a heart felt comment. I really appreciate that. Even though this was several yrs ago, you’re right, I still think of Jackson often & wonder how he is, where he ended up. I pray the best for him. And now that we have Kellen…Once again, I see God’s fingerprints in our lives. It’s all in his timing. While we weren’t the right parents for Jackson, God gave us Kellen and we are so grateful for the way things have worked out. Thank you again. P.S. I’m so sorry for what your best friend went through-that’s really a tough situation & so heart braking.❤️❤️

[@thardman10]

I appreciate you sharing I needed to see this. It is hard but God is good.

[@amywaters9685]

I am so very sorry! The system has failed you and Jackson, and so many more. I pray the Lord gives you an answer in which direction you should go. God Bless you!

[@zariballard]

Blessings to you, sister...I am so sorry. Yes, the system failed Jackson and set you up. It's a disgrace what is going on. As much as you love him and want to give him a home, you have a family to protect and this can not happen. It just can not happen. They knew and never told you.

[@HomeFreeAlaska]

That was the hardest part, because we vowed to go all the way no matter what. But that was on the grounds of what we thought we knew about him based on what they told us. Which was far from the truth. They really set him up for failure & heartbrake. It truly is sad. I still think about Jackson. ♥️

[@pappyville7718]

Congrats to you. I am adopted, Soon to be 70. I have adhd and ocd. Also as adopted kids usually go I have RAD. Also I was abandoned at birth in Chicago.

[@VineandBranches723]

Tina, you're a precious soul! And I would totally wear that shirt!🥰

[@HomeFreeAlaska]

Thank you Robyn! I LOVE this shirt...I have a bumper sticker too! I scream it from the roof tops every chance I get! :)

[@patspencer7079]

Just stumped on this video. That boy would need a family that would be experienced in these behaviors.

[@HomeFreeAlaska]

Precisely. And if they had been upfront with us on his conditions and medications and behaviors, we would have told them we are not trained to handle a child with this extreme trauma. Not that we wouldn’t want to but we simply weren’t equipped with the skills/tools to handle outbursts and aggression at this level. I still think of Jackson & pray for him regularly.

[@patdavis8018]

Homelife would turn to hell 😢

[@michellealtschul7380]

😢

[@markkristynichols845]

Love you sis! The shirt, just like the lives of the unborn is PRICELESS! Found you from your pickled eggs video and new sub! ❤️🍷 Kristy in Missouri 😃🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 ps happy to see you voted!!

[@HomeFreeAlaska]

Mark & Kristy Nichols welcome to my channel, I’m glad you’re here! Also thank you for your kind words, it means so much! 💗

[@ArkansasSquaw]

I love the shirt. Amen. Amen. Amen.

[@HomeFreeAlaska]

Thank you!!! ♥️

[@corydickey6977]

Blessings to you and your family, it is said that they medicate kids to calm them down for some kids the medd work in the other direction too. But you did place something in him that God will grow in him and turn around, there will be another family that will change his life around you put hope in him when he looks back in his life at what your family did.

[@HomeFreeAlaska]

Thank you Cory. ♥️

[@amie_O]

Just started to follow you, and I can really feel that your family is very warm-hearted, loving and wonderful! You really tried with this child. So sorry for you, but you should have been told cause they knew how this child is, don't blame yourself, you really did your best!

[@fariqhalim7319]

Im so sorry for you and your family based on the incidents by Jackson… however its an experience that will make your family appreciate each other and thankful of each other’s company… take it as a blessing from God .. its not a failure but a giant step in life experience… even though we are not practicing the same religion, i would like to say may God continue to bless you and your loving family!!! Insya Allah.

[@HomeFreeAlaska]

Yes my friend. It was def an experience we’ll never forget. My heart is still sad for Jackson. I pray that he has found the right family for him. This was really hard for all of us, but mostly for Jackson I’m sure. Thank you so much for you kind & encouraging words. 💗

[@brianmitchell3775]

Tina sorry about your heartbreak 💔 you gave it your best sounds like to much emotional andphysical stress.Jackson was not the right child for you guys .I love your shirt stay strong .💝

[@HomeFreeAlaska]

Thank you Brian 💗

[@Itsabountifullife]

I know this is a older part of your testimony, life story, but I wanted to share some of ours. My sweet family was in this same situation and I feel, if we were given valuable insight as well, we would of approached it differently. We were not informed of the trauma of the child. We didn't expect gum drops and rainbows, however I just wish, we was more prepared on what we as a family were getting ourselves into. The system set us up to fail and the child we were going to adopt. I felt like such a failure over that and had to mourn the loss, however our family is still together and I do not know where it would be, if the adoption would of went through. Thank you for sharing this video, the truth of a failed system and your heart.

[@HomeFreeAlaska]

Totally agree with you!🤍🤍

[@makennazornes]

Thanks for your video. That poor kid. That whole situation wasn't fair to him or you guys. I hope the time in between when you posted this and now has helped. Also, I love your shirt. I'm not really into shirts with words on them, but I would make an exception for one like that.

[@HomeFreeAlaska]

Thank you so much for your kind words. Yes, time has helped us for sure. Still sad every time we think of him and when little things remind us of him. I pray that time has helped him too. And I’m like you-I don’t wear t-shirts with words either but I just couldn’t pass this one up! 💗

[@nettiepeek5564]

I think you are superwoman for going out of your way trying to help this child. Things don’t always go the way we want. God is clearly using you!

[@HomeFreeAlaska]

Nettie, thank you so much for that kind comment. We are trying to remember that God has a plan. And unfortunately that plan didn’t include Jackson being a part of our family. It was a really tough visit. Very emotional. And we still think of Jackson often. 💗 Thank you so much for watching & for your encouraging words.

[@laurayoung7206]

Sort of ironic. If Jackson was not wanted in the first place and has ended up in this type of behavior and ends up being a mass murderer wouldn't abortion have been a better solution?