Adult with Autism | Autism & Self Worth | 16

Did this video with a splitting headache. It must have been bad as I don't even remember doing it...and I wasn't drunk before you ask!
I've watched it back and I think I am trying to basically say that you need to look after yourself as a priority and not an afterthought.
I also say Plato wrong before you smarty-pants start correcting me...
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[@remygallardo7364]

Even before I get further into the video I want to point out the most valuable poor-person-AC you can get, freeze bottles of water and put them behind a simple box fan to cool the air that the fan circulates. Saved my skin so much growing up dirt poor. It'll last a few hours which'll help you sleep on the worst of nights.

[@AdultwithAutism]

Sold! Great idea, I'll take it.

[@remygallardo7364]

I think you articulated the point very well regarding self worth and I'm glad that despite the heat you're taking the time to find something in yourself that can better your life. As usual I resonated with near every word. In fact I think I connect with your work stories more than normal because I have a bachelor's degree in emergency management and the three job opportunities available to me after graduation was prison management, emergency management agency work, and health/safety management for whatever business or organization needed me. I opted to instead completely avoid the career field because I had a gut feeling that I wouldn't be welcome. Mentally I can handle disasters and make intricate plans for response, recovery, and prevention, but I know most organizations don't care. They want the problem dealt with and to move on, and worse yet, they don't want a snooping nose to tell them they have a problem because if it hasn't cost them money yet, why would they spend money to prevent it? No, I chose to walk away from that proud in the fact that I got a degree in something I was fascinated with and deal with the consequences (debt). But that for me was probably the only preventative self-worth determination I've ever made. Following that every time I've made such decisions it has always been during stress or following a major event, like you did when you discovered they were talking bad about you, or that you received no bonus for your critical work in that year. Better late than never, yes, but certainly understanding that you have value and deserve respect sooner in life can make moving in the right direction with your career easier, and life overall probably happier. To a degree I think this ties in well with understanding your own brand of autism and really coming to terms with the fact that certain parts of life aren't going to be as simple as it is for a neurotypical person. Honestly, before I got my diagnosis and started to figure myself out I saw myself as just a cog and would do whatever was required of me and not think about any damage it might cause to myself, to others, or what they might think of me. School? Do these assignments, get a score between this and that on this test, etc. Work? Come in, perform these tasks in this amount of time, make no mistakes. Mandatory social interaction during these events? Make small talk, do not bring up interests, simply chitchat about any brought up topics until social event is over. Even after my diagnosis for a year or two I still struggled to treat myself like an autonomous individual with value and to stand up for my interests, thoughts, and actions. This year has been good for personal growth in that regard. Seems like this channel is starting to do the same for you.

[@AdultwithAutism]

Indeed. As the channel has no agenda, I just go with wherever it takes me. The one thing it is helping me do is grow. I didn't think I would ever be watched, let alone have interactions with other people like myself, so it's been interesting and eye opening. It's always really interesting to hear what others do or what path they have followed like yourself. I really resonated about the autonomous parts, I would do the expected too. Now it's different as I'm trying to branch off to make it more about what I need than what is expected of me. Thanks as always Remy, you always get me thinking!

[@remygallardo7364]

@@AdultwithAutism Any time! It is kind of a funny observation by my psychologist that my one true special interest seems to be self reflection because I came into my diagnosis appointments prepared with stuff for stimming, notebooks with notes and journal entries, and even a small laptop in case I got mentally overwhelmed and stopped talking verbally. Just recently even I developed a self assessment tool just to better keep track day to day of my mental, physical, and emotional health by taking the time to ask myself a few basic questions. The fun part is I tied the three different health categories to the colors red, green, and blue so if I score them I can figure out an RGB value and use color values to track how my health changes day to day and see trends long term.

[@bryanmerton5153]

Great video Paul! Good on you for stepping up! Looking after yourself is very important. When you do that you are ready to be there for other people. I struggled with that for a long time. Sorry about the dentist. You know I feel the same way and to have to go back again is a nightmare. And your teeth shouldn’t feel that way by the way! I am cracking up about Plato and Socrates. I thought you were being very “BIll and Ted” saying it that way😂.

[@AdultwithAutism]

Haha, be excellent to each other 😂

[@teresaamaral3889]

I can’t stand extreme temperatures, nor too cool or too hot. I do suffer a bit from SAD in winter (from January to spring) since I function on sun batteries :) ... so blue skies and temperatures around 25ºC are ideal. For too many children growing up is a struggle and that erodes our ability to build a healthy self-worth. With age, and another set of struggles, we learn how to set boundaries and realize our own individualized worth. It’s an inside job of self-discovery. Great video, as always!

[@AdultwithAutism]

Thanks Teresa, although I must say, anything higher than 14 degrees is too much for me...the colder the better!

[@donnablack6280]

Who else hates summer? Er, me. There's more people out and about for a start, they're all being noisy, everyone is chatty like "Lovely weather, isn't it?" No. I hate everything about it, especially the extra noise. Give me a heavy blanket in the cold any time. Totally relatable, Paul. Literally dreading summer right now.

[@AdultwithAutism]

Me too! Today was a warm day here and the su was beaming...so my hay fever came out in force, as did humans which made my dog walk really annoying because I can constantly having to switch it up to avoid them. Bring back the darkness and cold 😂

[@kristalsiders3843]

Love the glasses 🤓!

[@AdultwithAutism]

Haha, the cheapest the shop has to offer 👓

[@kristalsiders3843]

@@AdultwithAutism Oh and great video!

[@GemmasJourneyGrace]

Thank You so much Paul, i love the way you break down the situation and explain it.

[@AdultwithAutism]

No worries Gemma. Hope all is well your end.

[@kdcraft89]

This was posted 2 years ago, but I'm glad I found it now. You explained the self-worth part so well. You know that you do an excellent job. That's not the same as self-worth and you point out how people have previously taken advantage of your excellence for their own advancement without giving you anything. Standing up to this behavior is the self-worth part. There are some things I'm very good at, better than most people. But this is not the same as self-worth. I've always hidden the things I'm good at to avoid the jealousy of others. And I've let people get away with poor behavior and didn't stand up to them. However, over a recent family visit, a couple of family members behaved badly toward me and I did stand up for myself. I didn't do it well, but I did it. This helped me realize that I'd also been taken advantage of, for one thing, and that I don't plan to visit in the future, for another. I can, and do, forgive them their bad behavior, but don't need to put myself in the situation to be treated poorly. I believe they do this unawarely and perhaps self-righteously and not maliciously, but it is still "cheating" to not consider someone else's self-worth and also to take advantage of them. They feel they can do this because they think they are superior. Why? Because my autistic characteristics put me "down" in their neurotypical heirarchy. That is the self-righteous part. I would never do these things to them. This dynamic makes me wonder if this happening throughout my life, while trying not to be noticed for my excellent points has led to my poor self-worth. As I work my way out of the post trauma burnout, I am coming to understand plenty. Thank you for your excellent videos that have helped clarify certain things.

[@AdultwithAutism]

You're right on there! It isn't about how well you stand up for yourself, it is the fact that you did. Well done. No one should speak badly or mistreat anyone at all...but they do. The only way they stop is to call it out. If that damages a relationship with other people because you call out the lack of equality, then so be it.

[@heedmydemands]

O man I feel u about being hot and thereby summer is not that great it always gets too hot and I can't stand it. And for a little background I live in Canada lol. There's a lot of nice stuff about winter and also fall and spring. I loving seeing everything come back to life in spring and playing in leaves in the fall and seeing the snow, it's so beautiful falling

[@AdultwithAutism]

You definitely have real seasons over there. Over here, it's like the weather has a decision to make, but can't make its choice...so just 'sits there' never doing anything of substance.

[@heedmydemands]

@@AdultwithAutism ha that's funny. Yeah there's great seasonal changes to look forward to. Nature is so awesome.

[@AdultwithAutism]

It really is 👍🏻

[@nancycarroll2010]

Paul, Excellent ideas about setting healthy boundaries and reminding yourself of your own worth. Some of us were raised to work our fingers to the bone and still felt unworthy. Some religions reinforce this by teaching we all have original sin and are defective at the core. It takes consistent effort to rewire our brains to believe we are a worthy “child of the Universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have. right to be here”! And your eyeglasses look handsome too.

[@AdultwithAutism]

Thanks Nancy. Very true, many different factors that go alongside it. The important part for me is trying to rewrite the hardwired coding to make sure that I am okay. Regardless of how I got here, I'm the only person ultimately responsible for my wellbeing, so need to take control on a personal level 👍🏻

[@marikac6263]

Another option is to connect the air con hose to the loft through DIY loft hatch which can be made from polystyrene foam board. That way windows are closed. Concept checked, my husband did it this year and it works😊 it is actually even more efficient😊 It is noisy, but it's efficient enough so you don't need to be in the same room as the unit. As to the dentist, can you go somewhere else for second opinion just to check if your dentist did a good job? I was always very lucky with private dentists, unlike with NHS, but it's worth checking out. Another appointment but a peace of mind🙂

[@AdultwithAutism]

All these good aircon tips! I've gone for the cheaper and more stupid / less rational option...I've bought a tent for the garden for when it's too hot indoors. Any logic? Nope! I am thinking about that regarding the dentist to be honest. Thanks

[@jasonclarke7422]

You made your point perfectly 👍

[@AdultwithAutism]

Thanks Jason 👍🏻

[@lucypullin786]

I'm a year late to this video but just had to leave a comment. My grammer and vocab aren't the best so bare with me 😂 I'm still processing my recent diagnosis and trying to make sense of it all. I can have the 'imposter' syndrome at times but listening to other peoples experiences of being autistic confirms my diagnosis for me. I too prefer winter as it means I can hibernate and stay cosy. It baffles people when I tell them. Ive allowed the jobs that I've had to completely dominate my life. I always felt like I was less worthy or important and tried my best to please everybody else, perform at an unrealisticly high standard at all times and struggle to delegate workload in case colleagues thought I was being bossy or rude. I tried far too hard to make people like me. I would come home after 13 hour shifts and spend my time at home mulling over social interactions, my performance that day and thinking of ways to improve and to be the best nurse on my next 13 hour shift 😵 I found it completely draining and had to leave work due to it affecting my physical health. Now being unemployed has affected my self-worth in a big way. It's a vicious cycle. My experience of medical doctors and their thoughts and attitudes on a late adult diagnosis has shocked me. Hardly any support there so we have to stand up for ourselves otherwise people can take the piss. I'm falling asleep after that rant 😂 great videos 👍🏻 thanks a mill

[@AdultwithAutism]

You sound just like me! I did exactly the same things. And don't worry about grammar and vocab...you've heard me talk! Hardly going to win awards for accuracy 😂

[@tonygrencho7121]

I am the exact same way I love winter and hate summer, I was diagnosed with autism this year in fact, and I now know my aversion to heat of any kind including hot food, I can’t eat hot food at all or hot drinks, everything I ingest has got to be body temp or lower is due to my autism

[@AdultwithAutism]

Interesting you saying that, it's got me thinking... I can't do hot showers, and have people always telling me my hot drink will go cold because mine is still full whilst they've drank theirs, yet its still not the 'right' temperature. Never considered it to be linked to Autism, but I do now 😂

[@turtleanton6539]

Verru good video 😊😊😊😊

[@AdultwithAutism]

Many thanks 👍🏻

[@PerteTotale]

you can get headegg from too much coffee, cafeine

[@AdultwithAutism]

True. It was stress related. All sorted.

[@toddstark2412]

Have you looked into a mini-split air conditioner?they're around 1.300 us dollars.

[@AdultwithAutism]

Hi Todd, I did, but I have to consider noise from the unit for neighbours. Houses are really close together and you can almost hear the neighbours change their mind as soundproofing just isn't there. A unit would bring the noise which would bring the complaints. It's still top of the list though if I can find the right one 👍🏻

[@flamingohead27]

I know this is an old video. But maybe you have a stigmatism in your eyes. I finally saw an eye Dr. And thats all it was. Forcing my eyes to see straight is fine but it will give me a massive headache. Idk. 😅 Funny to my that I live in New England but I hate the heat. So I'm sorry your dying from heat. It's the worse. As for self worth. What's self worth? 😏(10:08 I wasn't even thinking it until you said that! ) Seriously, everyone is more important then me or what I want and need. Just taking time to recharge makes me feel bad so I'm not really recharging I'm just depressed and feel bad for taking time for myself. I force it, I hope eventually I can actually rest. Also, you don't sound like your talking fast to me. I talk fast. lol. Music has to be meaningful. 💯

[@AdultwithAutism]

I talk fast away from here, I try to slow down and soften my accent, otherwise only people from Manchester would understand me!