ADHD: How To Build Self Esteem & Self Worth

[@susannalarsson1525]

I really don't understand this 'road' into self esteem and self worth, and I've had this same discussion with therapist after therapist over the years. Time and time again, when I've said things like 'I feel like I'm a failure', or 'Nothing I do ever works', the feedback I get is, 'But you're not a bad person. You do kind things for people, you're supportive (/helpful/kind/sympathetic/compassionate etc etc)'. Is there some kind of conflation that I don't understand between being a kind person and being seen as (or feeling that you are) successful or competent? Because I don't feel that I'm a bad person. I do my best to help people when I can, listen when I can, reach out to people if they seem like they need help and so on. I have no problem seeing that or accepting that. My 'poor' (in my view, accurate) view of myself is down to the fact that I'm crap at being a person in other ways. I try hard, I fail. I set myself goals, they slip out of my hands. I work on new strategies to solve my problems, I fail. I start a new job, I do well for the first few months, then things start slipping and ultimately I fail and either get fired or have to leave because I've burned out. I don't see that as a moral failing. But it's a failing nonetheless, and it becomes harder and harder to get enthused about picking up something new, because I have a massive 'database' of failures and no successes to compare them to. My sense of 'failure' doesn't have anything to do with the people in my life thinking that I'm callous or unfeeling. It has to do with looking at all the ambitions and goals I've had for myself, and realising that none of them have come to pass. It has to do with constantly lowering my expectations and setting smaller and smaller goals, and still not being able to reach them. How is 'think of a time when you opened the door for someone and how good that made you feel' going to solve that?

[@georgiaboy6426]

Our situations sound identical. I'm sorry you go through this too, but I'm glad you left this comment. I didn't know anyone else felt this way.

[@susannalarsson1525]

@@georgiaboy6426 Life is always easier when we know we're not alone. Wishing you peace of mind, laughter and love. I'm glad you found my comment helpful.

[@Dancestar1981]

@@georgiaboy6426 same here

[@peachsncream5808]

Thank you Susanna . your experience and perspectives are so very similar to my own. I do for others - not because I want or expect anything in return - but because it’s my nature - it’s the right thing to do . As a father I do the opposite of what my alcoholic parents did to me .not because I should do it , but rather I can not do otherwise . How could my mother and father visit the suffering on me that was given to them . I know I am a good person who does good thing’s - when I work for people - they will often say wow …you do so much - you work so hard - blah blah blah - I hate being praised for anything - being praised builds expectations - that leads to assumptions about you and who they think you are , people like the image they create of you . They put you up on a pedestal. People look at me and see a fit strong man’s man , tough as nails - people build up their image of you - then the shit starts going wrong . It drives me crazy- this adhd dislexic crap. Here’s one example . I play a sport that requires you help score some games when not enough people show up there are 5 sets to a match . Everyone knows I’m dislexic so they don’t pressure me to score. I will sometimes feel ok and start to score a set of games - the first two games will just flow with no pressure at any point I’ll start the third game and out of nowhere my brain simply can not work out what to do anymore - it simply gets lost - I don’t forget where I am or what I am doing - my brain simply cannot think straight it’s like I have two brains working against each other and they can’t make sense of what I’m looking at . Example 2 … I one day sat down and learned how to do a rubix cube , for year’s 2 or 3 years I solved it every single day many times - for some reason I stopped for 3 or 4 weeks. The last time I picked up that bloody rubix cube - it was simply gone from my mind - I have tried many times over the years but it’s simply gone . This sort of crap has happened to me randomly since childhood . I’m so fucking tired of trying to be normal - I have heard it all from psychologists - councillors .NLP bio-feedback -meditation hypnosis-martial arts- diet changes - ect ect. Hell ….if you don’t fit the stereotype psychologically profile none of this shit works . It just adds to the list of things you have tried that didn’t work for YOU . you come to realise….. you just might have more insight into the so called professionals minds than they have into yours . The difference is you probably wouldn’t have the nerve to sit across from someone while robbing them blind at more than $200+ dollars an hour. Without actually fixing anything. It should be like a taking your car to get it fixed - no fix no fee .

[@cvr6790]

I understand what you mean, I often feel the same way. But maybe we are focusing on the wrong things to define our success. We think success in life is about jobs, achievements, being productive. As someone with ADHD these things don’t come easily, or not at all. But what if success and being worthy isn’t about that? What if success is about being kind, appreciating the small things, think creatively, care about other people? Etcetera. Success can be anything and can be different for everybody. Maybe we need to let go of the definition society uses and make up our own. So what if we don’t reach the standards of others? We just need to be who we are, accept that we don’t fit in the standard mold of society and be proud of that. We have so many other things to offer. (This is a note to self more than anything)

[@polarpalmwv4427]

When I started on stimulant medication (a month ago) suddenly my. mind was able to focus on good things because I wasn't mired down in miserable feelings. I lived for 48 years before I even knew that I had ADHD and no amount of positive thinking was able to solve my self-esteem issues. One month on stimulant medication and my self-esteem has grown by leaps and bounds thanks to my ADHD symptoms being treated.

[@MiaShmia]

do you still feel this way on the medication?- Curious, as someone who is medicated and not sure if its working.

[@jonlawrence19]

Hello! That's great! Do you still feel the same? What medication are you on please? I am newly diagnosed and looking into treatment

[@user-strawberrygoodness]

Same!!

[@LBCTexas]

I am so happy that I saw this video. I am going to work on instilling this in my life. I'm going to write this down and rewire my subconscious mind.

[@TransformingADHD]

+Vanetria That’s awesome! Have fun and let me know how it works. 😃

[@TransformingADHD]

+Vanetria That’s awesome! I am so happy that you saw this video too. 😃👍🏻🙏🏻

[@lamorindaplaya]

Wow I just came out of a 3 month slump in 10 minutes... Thank you so much

[@TransformingADHD]

That's awesome, Austin. Good job!

[@caroruizdiaz9890]

The way you explained the memories as a database, it all made sense. I know change is possible, it takes like you said, one good memory at the time to remind us how we did well in the past or present

[@TheWomanAthlete]

Love this video but it was hard powering through with my short attention span

[@susannalarsson1525]

I know, right? There is no way this person has ADHD. 3 minutes in I'm screaming at the screen 'Make a point! How is it taking you this long!?' It's very nice what he's trying to do, but it would be really helpful if the content was actually made accessible for the people he's trying to help.

[@MyJourneyRunning]

Not everyone with ADHD has the particular issue you experience or to the same degree, I have ADHD and this was 'accessible' for me.

[@brigitisbeej]

I sped up the video by 1.5x and that helped.

[@bestintentions6089]

this is so real for me.

[@CrisLifeCoach]

I’ll give it a try because I learnt the same trick at Self hypnosis 👍🏻

[@taylorwilkins9997]

I’ve had this experience with my therapist, and in the moment it was eye opening. I immediately felt better but it quickly faded back to my default as soon as I got back to my day-to-day life. Then when I try to think back on it, it seems like the novelty has worn off. It’s not the same realization. Thus adding a new experience of “nothing is going to make me feel better” to my database. I guess my conscious mind is making the realization but it’s not getting transferred to my unconscious mind. Any advice on how to achieve this?

[@jvxp5431]

This was great! I’m going to try and remember to stick to this schema. Thank you

[@samnaresh6053]

Thank u. Its kind of Tony Robbins method to change the state of mind. I love it. ♥️

[@TransformingADHD]

Thank you, Sam. You're right, - it is the same kind of thinking as Tony Robbins. 😃👍

[@DominionMovementDotOrg]

great video. have you thought about adding these to spotify and/or apple podcasts? those apps allow users to listen to the audio while another app is open or the phone screen is off vs youtube doesn’t except for paid subscribers

[@ginnyr7382]

Why is it I find people with meds r able to apply for mindsets to help themselves than people who r not medicated… cause it’s scary to think that’s only way to live n these meds r not cheap n with Heath insurance the way it is what if u can’t afford how can people survive? I keep hearing how these adults hurt someone close let alone strangers cause they were off their meds.. we need real answers help people with real problems!!!

[@nouranatef3975]

What a great approach!!

[@TransformingADHD]

+Nouran Atef Thank you! 😃🙏🏻 I really appreciate the comment. 👍🏻😊

[@adblaze4808]

Very effectively explained!

[@TransformingADHD]

Cheers! Thank you for your comment! 😃

[@bettyboop1742]

Thank you

[@connyrivkamartinez9889]

Thank you so much! I needed to hear this!

[@SS-in1ts]

Parents, teachers, bosses and everyone around us make us feel less than. Life is hard with adhd. If you don’t have a tough shell, RSD can really get to you.

[@SeSeMittens]

Thank You so much. I needed this.

[@bloodinthewater]

This is amazing

[@AMasondude]

I love these!

[@TransformingADHD]

Awesome! Thank you!

[@alanamarrie9418]

This is exactly how my mind works

[@caroline1425yt]

Thank you!

[@TransformingADHD]

Thank you! 😃

[@user-bm8kl3dd4c]

I’m only watching this video now??? I think you just changed my life :) thank you so much 🙏🏻

[@Plethorality]

your beard and hair look like reflections of each other! it suits you, though : )

[@felicciasc]

If I had a kick as beard I would have massive esteem

[@TransformingADHD]

Start growing it, my man! #wherearethebeardedemojisthatarentmonkeys

[@MsKingwa]

😂😂😂😂

[@abstrawn]

Anyone else thinking "What's going on with that lamp"?

[@anthonywestbrook2155]

I've had a related revelation, but not a specific tool to address it. Confirmation bias is the brain's habit to accept confirmatory information and reject contrary evidence, but it doesn't just do that with beliefs we like: it does that with any beliefs we have. If someone sees this in more than two months, please reply to remind me to do this, and if I have done it, I'll share my results.

[@jadenippersiel912]

Yo

[@metteholm4833]

SUPER!

[@idan7989]

Yu are looking smilar for lionel messi

[@idan7989]

U luk layk le omessi

[@Hope-mc4ps]

Thank you