Adult with Autism | Telling People You're Autistic | 04

[@seejendo3290]

It’s interesting, I was recently diagnosed a couple months ago (I’ve known for years now), and I’ve started telling folks as I connect with them in part to just show them another face of autism. There are so many people who are completely unaware they they work with autistic people, and an autistic person who can speak, I want to educate where I can to make things easier for future autistic people they meet who might not feel comfortable talking about it. I’m actually planning to create some content that I’ll share with some of my colleagues and make available on KZbin. We’ll see how it goes!

[@melissaw3510]

Covid is what brought it to light that I could be autistic. Everyone was saying they were having mental health issues being isolated during shutdown, but I couldn’t understand why. I thrived getting to telework and be at home. Even wearing a physical mask and staying six feet apart was fine with me. Began to research everything about autism and took several online tests to discover I was most likely on the spectrum. Just got formally diagnosed as Level 1 last week. It answers why I’m the way I am. However I’m not sure who to tell now it’s official, because I had mixed reactions when I told some of my friends and family I thought I could be autistic.

[@AdultwithAutism]

When there was the lock down, it was the only time I felt the world was more designed for me. The space, the reduced interaction, the one way systems and less people in shops etc, it was fine with me and I didn't want it to end! I also had a very mixed reaction, more bad than good. So much so that I haven't spoken to most of those people again. Their choice, not mine. Unusual thing as I couldn't imagine that me being diagnosed with Autism would impact their life? But, if they have a problem with me being Autistic, that's their problem not mine. I just so happen to like it 👍🏻

[@ZeonGenesis]

@@AdultwithAutism 2020 was my favorite year! For everyone else it was a horror show. I looved it. Will always think back on it with fondness. Minus the deaths from the pandemic ofc..

[@flowerface3913]

I was so happy when I realized I was autistic and finally made sense to myself and might get some HELP that I DESPERATELY NEED... then I found out it costs $2000 out of pocket, they probably won't believe me because I can have a conversation (because they're that outdated in my and most states), and even if I get it, I still might not qualify for SSI to replace that $2000 that I'll probably never be able to get anyway. I'm devastated and lost.

[@AdultwithAutism]

Sorry to hear that. It cost me a lot of money, and never got to reclaim any of it back. The only place it really gave me benefit was in work with the extra level of protection it gives me under the Equality Act in England. Personally, I just watched a lot of videos on KZbin and took parts from each person to create my own boundaries that worked for me, I hope it can do the same for you, and I hope you get the opportunity to be diagnosed in the future.

[@flowerface3913]

@@AdultwithAutism Thank you for the reply. I've decided to do just that, at least for now. Learn from channels like yours, and make friends with similar brains to mine.

[@Yotrek]

After I was diagnosed by my psychologist, I also got my genome sequenced. It showed me the gene variants that I have in common with other autistics. SSDI will look at genetic reports. Can either get it down directly with Nebula genomics, or upload 23&Me data to Nebula to be able to read your autistic report. In my informal poll, 82% of autistics that applied for SSI/SSDI were accepted the first time, within 60 days.

[@allieeverett9017]

Your "friend" the narcissist DOES know it all. They always do. And they make adjustments for no one. I try not to waste my breath on people like that anymore. I'm glad you got diagnosed and are moving on with your life...dog or no dog 🐎🐎🐎

[@EpiicxFuziion]

I have a support cat. She doesn’t run away when I have a meltdown or become emotionally dysregulated like humans do

[@AdultwithAutism]

I think I'd class my cat as a support too at times, although he wouldn't think so

[@Stranded360]

Because of the responses I got since the diagnosis I NEVER tell people or talk about it- the responses even made me question the diagnosis. Over time I have analyzed it all and arrived at my own conclusions but needless to say it was a terrible experience and many people got angry that I would even suggest such a thing.

[@AdultwithAutism]

Not good. I still haven't spoken to some people I told. Some disbelieve, some think I am attention seeking, and some simply won't accept they cannot see through my masking.

[@mothermovementa]

It's exhausting. Thank god for the NHS in the u.k. I've just been diagnosed at 22.

[@AdultwithAutism]

True. I hope the diagnosis helps you moving forward!

[@withyoctopus]

It's not easier for women because we're not believed. I was yelled at for thinking I was autistic (after 18 months of research). My evaluation is going to be this year.

[@AdultwithAutism]

Hope it goes well for you.

[@kendalgroner9327]

I'm really enjoying your new channel. Im navigating telling friends and family now, and trying to rebuild relationships that were affected before I knew I was autistic. I've only been "informally" diagnoses though because I can't afford the assessment costs. Honestly a lot of the people closest to me really weren't that surprised, but I also completely lost the ability to mask over the last year and they really saw I was struggling. But I've had to learn boundaries and judge who really needs to know I'm autistic. If it's someone I plan to spend any significant time with I do feel I need to disclose it so they can understand why I need to remove myself from some sensory stimuli, and why I may come come across as too blunt or communicate differently.

[@AdultwithAutism]

I can relate to that. I don't tell people unless I feel there will be a high percentage chance of something 'slipping' or not being the norm. Although I have to admit, the older I have gotten, the more often it's become.

[@EpiicxFuziion]

My best friend of 30 years said “oh that fits, well done” 😊

[@AdultwithAutism]

Best friend of 30 years! Thats good going 👍🏻

[@bryanmerton5153]

Another great one. I told a few close friends and they were amazing. I have told all of my close friends that I have ADHD and when I came to the realization that I am autistic as well I told them again. I had only positive reactions. One friend just asked me about what I have been masking all these years and I told him. He was very interested. I cant really mask the ADHD very well as I tend to drift off in a conversation and such🙃. But have come to be really good at masking all of the anxiety I have going into shops and malls and the like. As for work, the same with social gatherings! Yuck. I even had a “average” review and I ask why. It was because I didn’t go to social events. I wish I knew then what I know now! Anyway I am rambling. Your videos are awesome! Thanks for posting!

[@AdultwithAutism]

Thanks Bryan, I appreciate your comments. Masking is definitely one I want to do a video on, maybe find more things in common!

[@flamingohead27]

13:26 🤣 quoting movies and laughing together is the best kind of friends. lol. I'm glad you've got that in someone. 15:48 women don't listen as well as men think. 😏 But maybe it's because I'm weird. Idk

[@AdultwithAutism]

I need to text that friend. Thanks for the reminder.

[@sherrybaxter7043]

I love your content, comforting.

[@AdultwithAutism]

Thank you. Nice of you to say so 😁

[@inhighdefinition1111]

Thank you. This process has been very difficult.

[@AdultwithAutism]

You're welcome. No problem.

[@deltatranslation7288]

My best friend and I are the weirdest 2 people I know!!

[@JeanetteInANutshell]

Got my initial NHS appointment next week after a 2 year wait just to be "screened". I'm simultaneously terrified that at 51 they won't take me seriously, ( as I'm still here although broken ) whilst at same time so excited to maybe finally get a clarification of why I feel completely alien and have struggled massively from the very beginning of my memories of life. I stumbled upon one of your videos by accident, at present I'm down a rabbit hole of research into neurodivergence. (As you do ) Your voice tone is calm, steady and Northern like me so it resonates .....you present your experiences honestly and articulately with no hidden agendas. I will work my way through as have gone back to the beginning of your videos so I can make sense of your process. You are speaking a language I understand and I am finding comfort through relating so much to your experiences....it's actually quite powerful. Please forgive my rambling . Thankyou so much.

[@AdultwithAutism]

It's not rambling, I'm just really glad they resonate with you. As for your diagnosis, please make sure you go unmasked and as close to the most authentic version of you that you can be. Don't be afraid of telling some harsh truths, don't do things to make them feel comfortable as always...such as eye contact if that isn't what you usually do. Tell some life stories where you deviated from the 'path of life's too. Fingers crossed for you 👍🏻

[@DianeCecala]

Oh my goodness, I so wish I’d seen this 1 1/2 years ago. This really makes sense. I was to busy trying to be known/understood. Learning a lot here, I’m 58 and just dx 1year now. Cheers mate!

[@AdultwithAutism]

No problem at all 👍🏻

[@SweetiePieTweety]

I wish there was an autism support dog service. My boys NEED their dog to be there for them when they need it. Their dad (narc) won’t allow a service dog cause then someone would know there is something wrong with them 🙄. But caring for any living thing just isn’t in their scope of awareness, including themselves. The dog needs a care person and protocol by someone dialed into their needs and yet can make the dog available during the time of need for the Autist. So wish, so wish. I won’t be around forever to be their support dog care person as they age and live alone. Fortunately my sons school is big on allowing dogs in their school (admin dogs who kinda pass the test of school integration). He can go and chill with the dogs if needed. The more he does this the more they know he is in a state of need to regulate. Wish you had access to a dog❤️. Yes, lost the that narc “friend”, they don’t validate anyone and they will stick in the craw in your head in rumination 🤗

[@AdultwithAutism]

Dogs do so much for us, and I am definitely a dog person over a people person! I think hindering a child by impacting their comfort due to societal impressions from others is a great shame, especially when as I am older and know what would have helped me more as a younger child. Thankfully I had dogs growing up, I know 100% I wouldn't be the same person without them. The world would be a better place if everyone was the person their dog thinks they are!!

[@SweetiePieTweety]

Adult with Autism Yep!!! Dogs are truly unconditional. Thank you for the responses to my comments. Made my day! Cheers!

[@HarrietFitzgerald580]

''A bit less like them and a bit more like me.'' YES!!! I feel relief in my heart to hear someone put it into words! ''When I have to be a part of something, no thank you.'' Laughed so hard, so relateable! - Although, I will say sometimes I find it hard because say my husband wants to do something (or friend in the past) part of me genuinely wants to do something with them, but I just can't, usually because of the activity chosen and then they do it anyway, without me or with someone else and I feel bummed out for beiing left out.

[@AdultwithAutism]

I know the feeling. There will be events I want to do, but the obstacles within the event at points will put me off. Now only do things when I have a day off booked. For example, I will only do something Friday night...if I have Monday booked off work. That way I have my recharged time (duration I need) unaffected. Otherwise, no matter what it is, it has an effect.

[@HarrietFitzgerald580]

@@AdultwithAutism same. It's getting harder, as I have little ones at home and so I don't really have any recharge time and so cannot really go out anymore, not that I did so much before...but it can get annoying; trapped in my own head and now home, haha.

[@isotope73]

@@AdultwithAutism around 2006 I went to a Rush concert. I ❤️ Rush. I didn't know I was ASD1 and aaalll the commotion of a big rock concert made me shutdown! This shite pisses me off!!!

[@AdultwithAutism]

My boss is a massive Rush fan

[@michaellee4309]

Everyone one I told, close friends and family, all said the same thing, Noooo you aren't autistic. After I pointed out some of the things I do, it was like a little light bulb went off for them...lol

[@AdultwithAutism]

Haha, just showing off your skills of masking there!

[@withyoctopus]

The dog story!!! I wouldn't have been able to catch myself. Good for you!!!

[@AdultwithAutism]

Thanks Withy Octopus

[@GemmasJourneyGrace]

Awesome Video Paul and well explained and again i relate to the way you explain things.

[@AdultwithAutism]

Thanks Gemma. Appreciated!

[@isotope73]

A very ironic thing happened to me regarding our Anti-Small Talk Doctrine. I got SO so lonely that I was kinda forced (in a good way) into small talk with my coworkers. And those surface level interactions helped save my life! They were little glimmers in the darkness. Mind you, in a warehouse no one cares if you do keep to yourself. Lots of us make jokes & be ridiculous because it helps pass the time. You can actually start singing or dancing (music is blared throughout) or let out a yelp, and it's all good. I guess you could say it's part of our culture. It attracts some real weirdos (Amazon doesn't make you go thru an interview! So they literally hire anyone as long as you don't pop for coke or meth, etc) & you're allowed to be kinda weird. I mean, we have boys using the woman's restroom & girls using the men's... because they're undergoing the gender reassignment journey (which Amazon's insurance PAYS for) but... that's another can of worms. I guess I'm saying that I'm a weirdo & I'm definitely in a weirdo place, so it kinda works. And sometimes certain people really do open up to you. One guy told me his fiance died right before they were going to get married. So there are genuine connection moments!

[@AdultwithAutism]

It's like a comedian in a way, you have to have the right audience to come across the right way and show the best version of yourself. I guess your workplace suits you for reasons that might not have been clear at first!

[@Teasy_32]

Your mother confirmed you were successfully masking 😅 Are those guitars another collecting passion like your Gazelles or do you actually play them (I guess so)? Actually you provide an awesome English course for me including sayings and "cultural" insights. 😸

[@AdultwithAutism]

I do play guitar, albeit badly.

[@EpiicxFuziion]

Love the guitars.

[@AdultwithAutism]

Me too. I'll have a lot more if they were cheap enough!

[@freecat1278]

We won't get attention? Praise God, that suits me.

[@AdultwithAutism]

I don't mind if people are willing to listen. If not, then no audience required...ever 👍🏻

[@topsuperseven7910]

You don't have 'Autism', its not a 'disease' and all you're describing are what we've always known as 'personality traits' and some are bad habits, others are 'quirks' while other things are actually what everyone always does to some degree. Yes indeed these play in a world of beliefs, thinking patters, character and all those things even work in a world of a IQ, how much coffee you drink and how much sleep you get. It's not a 'disease' there is "Diagnosis" and its just you being a human being.

[@AdultwithAutism]

I do have Autism. It's mine, I'll refer to it as I wish. I'm aware it isn't a disease, I never said it was. Just as I am an adult with Autism, not an Autistic adult, again because it's mine and I refer to my Autism as I wish. Don't bother yourself with it and enjoy your Sunday.

[@topsuperseven7910]

@@AdultwithAutism You can't have a 'thing' that isn't a thing. It would be as meaningful to announce you've been diagnosed as having "Richmondism' and tell people about having Richmondism. What is that? Nothing but referring to behaviors, habits, quirks and emotions, thoughts and beliefs, cognitive reasoning and social upbringing but ya so you see that is Richmondism'. It's mine and I call it whatever I want. btw it's not yours. you were given it by someone else. aka 'diagnosed' and they decided what you'll call it.

[@AdultwithAutism]

It's like when people say 'I love MY city'. It's not theirs, but why they love their city will be individual to them. The specialist diagnosed MY Autism. Autism isn't mine, but I am allowed my version and to refer to it however I wish. Maybe I'll call it Dave from now on. Without a hint of sarcasm, and I mean this... I would love you to start a channel of your own to explain your perspective on Autism.

[@topsuperseven7910]

@@AdultwithAutism ok but you don't have Autism. nobody does. It's not a real thing and you can't be diagnosed with something that isn't even a real thing. Without a hint of sarcasm, I know you believe this will be a kind of forgiveness, salvation, a justification, a way to sanctify, an identity and a kind of superhero power, but, all that will happen is disappointment and retardation. and no, despite a powerful belief across Britain - somehow 'finding your authentic self' and 'being the real you' will not end well or get you into heaven.

[@AdultwithAutism]

We'll have to agree to disagree on whether Autism is a real thing or not. I wish you the best 👍🏻

[@fooledman]

What I got was to get on some supplement plan to correct and cure it. Really?

[@AdultwithAutism]

Just as a supplement plan doesn't correct or cure Autism, saying such things doesn't correct the ignorance of idiots either! They forget that older Autistics have done different diets / ways of eating...Autism's still there! 👍🏻

[@rdm3000ryan]

Man i dont know if you’re ever in the USA but if you are lmk. I think you’d tolerate me

[@AdultwithAutism]

Haha, many thanks. I cannot do the trip, it is a bit past my comfort level. Which is crazy as I would love to go! But I have to listen to the limits👍🏼