Infidelity Trauma: An Interview with a Specialist Part 2

[@mre2039]

What adds insult to injury is how some people will make the betrayed feel guilty about not being able to forgive. I've been accused of having an unforgiving spirit. I feel like the betrayer gets everything. He "gets off" he "gets over" then if forgiven, he gets that too. The betrayed gets made a fool and stripped of their dignity and pride if they stay. It really sucks.

[@chrissyuful]

Forgiveness is the easy part, it’s the trusting that is difficult. I had to learn, they are NOT the same thing. Trust is earned by consistently being trustworthy.. Once betrayed, that trust has been lost. Grieve that loss. It must be rebuilt from ground zero. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you accept the behavior. It is simply means to give grace where it is undeserved. For me, that meant still wishing the betrayer well and that they figure it out with a God, but I still packed my bags and left, (after 30 years of marriage and trying to heal for six years after his betrayal, and finding the recurrence happening again). I could no longer be intimate with someone I didn’t trust!

[@stephanapatterson6319]

Truth truth truth. I have left hundreds of counseling sessions feelingblike I am the crazy one.

[@miss_bougie6653]

@@stephanapatterson6319 your counsellor should be doing a better job of keeping it fair and balanced. Wishing you the best

[@sarahsmith1218]

Why do I feel like I’m still going through these emotions Ten Years After, just like this pain was yesterday. I’ve stayed and it’s just been year after year I feel this. Now I understand why I went into a continuous panic attack for almost a full year right after I found out. It felt never ending. Never experienced a panic attack before finding out. I can’t live like this. I need to heal. I can’t forgive. I don’t feel safe. Ugh I could never do this to another living soul. This pain is so deep.

[@honey-feeney9800]

Plus, the betrayed gets blamed for not meeting the needs of the cheater , so the betrayed gets blamed for allowing the affair to happen .

[@fenyaj7128]

This was the most informative and emotional support I've received. I am grateful you posted this series 1 and 2, it's a gift for anyone trying to heal from infidelity. Thank You❤❤❤❤

[@maryannchiquete3063]

I agree 100 percent

[@evandegenfelder4554]

I agree. I'm seven weeks out from my "D-Day". We don't have resources to have professional help, but (thankfully) my husband (the unfaithful) is fully committed to healing. Neither of us is ready to give up after going on 39 years of marriage. It's the worse thing I've ever had to deal with. Good luck to you.

[@73jenni]

Boundaries aren’t meant to be punishing they’re meant to be safe. I love it.

[@michellekane9082]

This is all so exhausting. I'm either mad or scared or hopeless or depressed. I just want to feel normal and ok again.

[@kristireynolds5234]

How about angry? I throw stuff and yell at the top of my lungs until I'm hoarse sometimes while he's driving so the kids aren't around. They know about it, he made it obvious, and they're 18&20 but don't want it any worse for them. But i can't believe after 22 years together and 30 being in love he'd risk it all for 4 months with a girl 26 years younger. I feel helpless, scared, hurt and depressed but definitely lots of anger too. I told him a lot of it is from pain and he usually understands and lets me vent. I'm just amazed you're not angry.

[@vegacool1]

Nice to know I'm not crazy. This pain is real.

[@dayoftheidealist]

Right there with you.

[@katceeee]

Same here

[@aiyanab9936]

Right !!! 🥺

[@JohnnyJitsu11]

Feeling this

[@soletsgo1232]

Yes I felt same way.

[@laniec.f.2531]

I needed to hear "trauma is not a sentence" and "hearts can soften" , because it lets me believe that hope and real healing isn't a fantasy or something akin to chasing a balloon in the wind. So very grateful for the wisdom shared in this channel.

[@samshealingpodcast]

i'm so glad it helped you. thank you for posting and watching.

[@davidh.2641]

I always remember me watching this video 1 year ago trying to understand the PTSD i was suffering from. Now i come back to tell you I am with you. I wish i could take part of your pain and give you a breath. With or without your partner, i hope you can heal. With love.

[@iammichaelaj]

Is there going to be a part 3? She explains everything so well and I think this is the most helpful series you've done so far in regards to understanding what is happening not only with our emotions but in our brain that is affecting how we act when suffering with trauma.

[@iammichaelaj]

P.S. I've been attending psychotherapy sessions for 3 months now but my therapists (both psychiatrist and psychologist) have never explained trauma as well as she did. Thanks for making me understand what is going on with me better, for free!

[@samshealingpodcast]

@@iammichaelaj you're very welcome. i'm trying to see if she will come in anytime soon for another interview. i'll share your comments with her.

[@iammichaelaj]

Overcoming Infidelity that would be great! Oh and maybe you can do a video for those who chose to get out of the relationship/marriage. How to cope on our own, handle our trauma or triggers effectively and etc. I think you also have a large number of audience who needs that... I am one. :)

[@hannahberlinpetry450]

I agree with Michaela J in the idea of creating more content for those of us, both unfaithful and betrayed spouses, that are divorcing. My husband left me for another woman and while I am open to the idea of reconciliation, he isn’t. I know there’s Harboring Hope, and I want to do that when the funds become available to me, but there isn’t much else for us.

[@ashleysears9290]

I agree. I've been searchibg for answers for a year now and a way to get it through to my man so he can understand what I'm going through.

[@ketinporta4994]

Therapists CAUSED ME MORE DISTRESS BECAUSE THEY WERE CLUELESS ABOUT WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO ME.... awful experiences when we are seeking healing are worse than the actual betrayal...they stole the little hope I had... thank you for your information ❤️🌸🙏

[@olgapreciado8705]

This is me right now sometimes smiling, sometimes crying , other times I want to scream my guts out 😩

[@marissarequimin4270]

how are you now? I am feeling right now

[@kingskidmcnair7467]

I'm so sorry Sis😢

[@terrywade3696]

Even though I listened to these 2 blogs before when they came out, there’s sooo much info to process that I had to watch again! MJ, what a Godsend you are! Your understanding & ability to convey how we process betrayal/attachment stress helps me get a grip on my sanity. My unfaithful husband is also an avoidant personality which keeps me from feeling safe and unable to reconnect 2 years down the road. Your slow, methodical explanation & soothing tone of your voice helps me so much to calm down & understand why I’m having trouble moving forward. Thank you.

[@evandegenfelder4554]

I couldn't agree more. She really communicates well; calm, rational and very knowledgeable. My husband (the unfaithful) is watching these at my request and now, goes out and looks for more information--he knows he must.

[@ericaaltstatt9945]

Good to know I'm not crazy and I'm not alone. After watching part 1 and 2 all my feelings make sense and dont feel like I need to be put into a padded room. Just know what steps need to be taken.

[@aiyanab9936]

Right ! This has the doctors trying to give me bipolar depression medication it’s crazy

[@TMCremixes]

This was extremely informative. This lady is so smart and articulate. I really feel like I've grown as a person after watching this. Learned so much and everything seems to make so much more sense now. Absolutely golden content. Thank you!

[@billsmafia317]

I am ashamed to say that I still deal with all the described emotions 25 years after my wife's affair! Time does not heal all wounds. Sometimes it feels like a life sentence, but this is the first time I have heard the biological aspect of what is going on. I wish we could get couples counseling with Mrs. Denis.

[@davidluther1358]

Mines been 13 years, and I just now understand why it still hurts.

[@robinanna5531]

Don't be ashamed. You pain is real if your pain is real.

[@maximusserilius]

My heart breaks for you

[@moniquekirton25]

Please see my comment placed by Monique Kirton November 05. I am so sorry for your loss and pain. I can identify.

[@burkecunningham7137]

Tasker369, you are not alone. It's been over 20 years and I am still haunted by my wife's affair. I wonder about the guys that dumped the cheater. Are they still haunted about it 20 years later?

[@captainillly]

I checked everyday to see when this video would be back up. I'm so eternally grateful ♥️♥️♥️♥️ thank you for doing this a million times. My husband and I are so much closer and understanding and helpful and the communication is better everyday. Clarity is life changing and without this information, I have no idea how I would come to figure it out or even come close to explaining it. Thank you with all my love! My husband and I are grateful ♥️💚

[@Peaceonearth2024]

I like the way she explains things, so comforting

[@dianasloan8184]

This is so eye opening! Not everyone can afford to go get help after security is broken! These two videos offer insight on how to get started on the path of health healing!

[@ashleysears9290]

Absolutely amazing. It helped me understand what I'm going through now I will show this to my man so I can show him I'm not "crazy" like he thinks. Thank you so much. I follow these videos and even rewatch

[@kristireynolds5234]

This has been the most informative and helpful video I've watched yet. I've watched many of this recovery series and multiple others but understanding the biology behind my many mood swings and sometimes feelings of lunacy is so incredibly helpful. Now i will watch this with the source of my pain and hope it helps us both. Thank you for this awesome series!! 🙏

[@HopeHasWarriors]

This video is fantastic. It’s too late for my marriage...😔 My husband gave up and decided he didn’t want to be married anymore. But it is so cathartic to understand the pain and trauma i experienced. Thank you for making these💙

[@ivywildwss]

Dear M J Denis, THANK YOU! Dr. Denis' words are beyond amazing. Thanks Samuel for these two videos and interviewing Dr. Denis.

[@omarkoubeah8791]

Thank you for this interview, she explains exactly how it badly the betrayed feels after learning of a infidel after 48 of marriage…

[@ivywildwss]

Did it happen a long time ago?

[@ronarmitage2534]

I feel like I just stumbled into a gold mine. thank you for articulating what I could not .

[@LR-kj8ec]

This woman is amazing! Thank you for such an insightful interview.

[@deniseatkins8270]

Thank you for this video series. So much revelatory information here. As I’m listening to the videos, part 2 in particular, I had so many aha, so this is “why” I feel this way, moments. I think every couple who have experienced infidelity and are trying on their own to heal, should hear these interviews. I’m now a subscriber thank you for the work that you do.

[@samshealingpodcast]

so glad i could support you my friend. thanks for the feedback and encouragement.

[@MariaRomero-xl2sv]

She described me to the point.. I'm currently going through this horrible pain I dont feel like I'll ever come out of it.

[@ivywildwss]

Did it ever get better? Did you stay?

[@matthewl.5973]

Thank you so much. I'm relieved to hear a solid, biological explanation for how I've been handling this awful (and unfortunately all to common) situation. This will help me immensely.

[@TheWalkbyfaith413]

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, truly thank you.

[@samshealingpodcast]

you're so welcome. glad you're here.

[@aurelleprisca8072]

The best video I have ever watched so far, this really makes sense now. I have been lied to many times , am sick and tired of always being his second choice, I don't think I will ever trust him again. I want to leave him , this will be the best thing for me to do, but my kids loves him and he loves his kids so much, I want my babies to grow with both parents together, I will end up shouting down my heart. Reading these comments made me realise that once a cheater always and always a cheater.

[@lear4116]

I felt this comment in my soul Sending love and light

[@wendytmashilwane1989]

I feel exactly the way you feel Aurelle. We have 2 kids. I'm basically staying for them.

[@mistymitchell7280]

Saving these videos on a playlist on my page and praying I can get my husband to listen to this.. I just want him to understand what I’m going through and to see I’m not crazy. I’ve been cheated on before with past boyfriends but nothing hurts worse than a person who shared vows to be faithful and be there through thick and thin. It’s been 2 years since the initial infidelity, has it stopped? Maybe for the next few days but it seems like every month I find out more info and the cycle starts all over again. What is so great about affair websites? I feel inadequate, small and not quite good enough for anyone including myself. The pain is more than I can bare most of the time. I’m just ready for the recovery phase or just to move on bc either way I just want to wake up in the mornings and not be depressed that I did wake up..

[@cheekychei4172]

Misty Pollitt I am so sorry you had to suffer through this. I personally did too and to some extent I still have moments where I find myself being hyper vigilant and triggered by certain things as well. This is due with not fully coping through that initial betrayal as well as trying to pat down the “ smaller offenses” that came after that initial big moment. I know in my heart that I am ticking time bomb, I am here in love with a man who was not the one who did this huge betrayal to me, but who actually happened to make some small mistakes in the beginning of our relationship, and now hurt my healing process a bit. Part of me hasn’t fully healed and I know that even though I try to forget and be alright there are moments when I am triggered by little things that look like bad things but maybe they aren’t and it’s just me being triggered. Just know that all of this is not your fault and that you need to do whatever you need to do in order to heal and grow from this. If you ever need a stranger friend you can message me and vent to me. You are not alone and most importantly you deserve the patience and safety to whichever extend it may be in order to fully get your life back.

[@AdverbsAndNouns]

Im so sorry about this, my SO cheated on me twice during both my pregnancies. When i look at him. I just hate him. And always want to leave him.. but he still wants to be with me .. but i notice when i start thinking about myself and do me..work out, gatherings, hobbies, i start to not care about him, then he starts chasing me again.

[@teresanolivo4075]

I hate him being able to go about hos business like there is nothing wrong. I hate how he gets to be happy and keep living while i am stuck in this gutter and stuck in here by ourselves. He put me here and left me.

[@kristireynolds5234]

That's what drives me crazy too. He sleeps like a baby every night while I cry, stew, fume, ruminate, cry, pry and cry some more. Then wake up and before I even open my eyes, the memories assault me. It's a hellish existence. Then the day comes and sometimes I lie in a ball crying on the floor or scream at the top of my lungs at him untill I'm hoarse (when our daughters 18&20 aren't around, usually, though a couple times I couldn't control it. Then later I'm crying and telling him I hurt and need love, hugs and reassurance. It's nice to know my lunacy has a biological reason.

[@amandaweber4587]

Thank you so much for this interview it has been so enlightening. I recognized these actions fight, flight as a betrayed but didn't know why. My Dad passed away unexpectedly 12 days after discovery of husbands affair. More on trauma and PTSD would really help where I am at. This has been such a blessing to me and my husband.

[@samshealingpodcast]

I'm so glad you found the interview. thank you for watching and posting.

[@johnny_corleone]

Thank you for your time and information. It is so kind of y’all to share this knowledge it has helped save my life. Understanding and knowledge has helped me direct all this suppressed trauma and pain and feelings of being lesser than I am to a more positive and productive trajectory. When the pain overtook me finally and I fell it has helped me through the process of rebuilding myself and self esteem and confidence that I was a victim of abuse and it’s ok to not be tough for a minute and feel that true pain. I’m just so grateful that this channel and just a few others have been able to guide me to a recovery and have given my future hope and meaning during this time of vulnerability I am in with the universe right now. I just wanted to share this so anyone reading it that is willing to take down their wall that you need to put in the work to protect your mental state or find someone like they continue to say in these videos that is a specialist like this kind lady here to help. I am still looking so be ready to travel or look to the websites like this. Thanks again

[@4kae986]

Your videos give me so much understanding, I cannot begin to thank you all for what you do, the way you explain both betrayed and unfaithful viewpoints. So insightful

[@elisaniederergutierrez7352]

Very good explanation! This explains also the overreaction of a borderline personality disordered person (BPD) to a minor problem.... it's about past traumas that stayed in the Amigdola.

[@noneofyourbusiness4595]

My wife of 15 years cheated over the span of 4 years. We had a child and I was tossed out and spent 5 months homeless over the winter of 21-22. Im home and discovered she had a tinder and a bag of lingerie and toys that mimic our collection we built over many years. The movie of her having sex with another man is so vivid because she used the same items we did. I see myself in the role and another man occupying the space I should. She hasn’t expressed remorse. The reward for loyalty was betrayal. I feel like half my blood has been lost and my brain is missing. All I can do is ruminate rage and hurt. I’ve lost over 60 lbs, I’m not allowed to speak or I get told I’m being aggressive or we need a counselor. I feel like a house servant and sex object. Diminished shamed and broken it feels impossible.

[@oliviariley781]

Sending hugs. This is absolutely heartbreaking to read.

[@OrdoSanctiBenedictus]

Thank you for sharing.I can't get past the imagery.I think divorce is the only way to end this.

[@mirnabarbosa4951]

Thank you for the explanation about the brain aspect of trauma. The self-soothing tips are great too wish I had watched it earlier when things were really hard. PTL we are in a better place now!

[@carrollhayes6759]

Thank you. This helped me so much He confessed to having an affair with my girlfriend years ago but I have found evidence of affairs plural the last few years and I tried to work through this and I feel so up and down I've had anxiety attacks to the point of throwing up and shaking so hard I couldn't stop shaking and this helps me understand I'm not losing my mind

[@princessmaca510]

I never watched a video like this before without getting bored ! Love the videos nothing but truth , thanks for the videos now i understand im not the only one that was traumatized by a infidelity

[@teresanolivo4075]

I love her. Wheres part 3 4 5 6 7 wheres all the rest. I need more. Shes so great.

[@georgehenry8152]

Samuel, can you have a guest speaker speak to males who are the betrayed in future videos. The men I work with need gender specific support. Thank you! Peace and blessings.

[@kire115]

EMS Weekend attendee here ... yes, this would be much appreciated, we are on an island ... thank you.

[@del7802]

I agree, it always seems to be about betrayed women and unfaithful men. So much so that when woman is unfaithful they still are identified as a victim.

[@donh1572]

This is extremely important. Because there are differences when the two genders cheat. Unfaithful men are much more willing to save a marriage then a unfaithful women would

[@davidcoylejr.3967]

I whole heartedly agree here... Even after pouring over the research, it seems men and women fundamentally cheat for different reasons. Even if there could be video for couples where BOTH had an affair.

[@mfawls9624]

@@donh1572 Completely agree. Despite popular portrayals, men are programmed (probably because they are raised by women, schooled by women, etc.) to go out and soothe the woman. My wife cheated and I found myself making efforts greater than hers to soothe things and try to open up channels. Once her mind is made up she is far colder than even friends of mine who were players as far as executing her agenda. She wants to gain control over things and minimize the change she has to make to get that control. There has never been a apology, quite the opposite from the start. I heard that it wasn't really about me, if I were more a, b & c or less x, y & z. We are now in a sort of detente. It's been nine months and it's really not working for me...but she's not leaving either. No one is happy, no progress toward reconciliation but no initiation of change (at least not towards me). Also, unlike a female betrayed, a male betrayed has to be careful about taking the kids and leaving or telling her to get out until she decides what she wants. It's very frustrating that it is so hard to find information geared toward the male betrayed because the relationship, legal and societal Dynamics are so different.

[@OO-st3sp]

The human being is so complicated yet wonderful. Relationships are not learned in a classroom they are part of everyday real life..

[@maronabrowne8427]

Thank u soo much am now Go in through betrayal my husband cheated so hard not knowing what to do this really helped me thank u soo much

[@melissamcwilliams8288]

This interview was amazing. As a betrayer, I have been trying to understand my partner's PTSD and know how to fully help provide the security and stability he needs to feel safe. Like how to help when he's in distress, what reliability & honesty really look like (versus what I would think it does), why we can have a great evening of physical intimacy and then it goes to a rage fest. Thank you so much for this video!

[@vanessarenee7839]

Thank you for this saved me months of a program for healing in 1 hour I got I understand where I’m at and I knew I was not crazy thank you for reassuring me.will start my road to healing !

[@DeconTheMonkey]

I dont have to feel shame in the trauma im in. U gave meaning to emotions and actions im doing. Such a maze to the point of draining me out. I didnt know id be feeling all these things i diddnt understand them. They were killing me to the core. I have perspective.

[@umiluv]

Such a great way to put into words exactly what this video does for the betrayed spouse. I cried throughout listening to it. Good luck on your recovery journey.

[@digitalliquid5159]

Amazing interview

[@omarkoubeah8791]

Thank you for this video, it helped me to understand what I was going through & not going crazy with all the emotions going all over the place…….

[@heyitsvee881]

I am so thankful that I found this video. I really hope that me and my partner will heal.

[@kingskidmcnair7467]

This gave me such relief. Validating everything im feeling and going through

[@matthewvanessen126]

These two videos for the most eye-opening videos can I have ever seen. They spokes me on a level that no one has been able to do before not even my wife. They made me understand what she is going through and why she's going through it. The only thing is I showed these videos to her and even though she likes them and agreed with him now she thinks that I am nothing special like she thought it was when she first met me that because there are so many men that struggle with same exact thing that I did and they treated her the same exact way that I am just like everyone else. And so that has hurt the relationship instead of helping. I am constantly striving to make myself better and to educate myself on what I've done and to change. But it is a brutal battle guys a brutal battle that sometimes I don't know if my wife will ever get over.

[@mamasingers]

Thank you for your service to help us understand why I am still in pain after 20 years of my husband affair and he had another one just 3 years now and they just broke up last July 2019. It leads me to almost killed myself. I Sent him the video’s part1 and part 2 I will take it from here, thank you so much for helping us. God blessings to you both and your family.

[@KhassiaK]

@mamasingers Honey, if he won't do the recovery work you've got to get out. He's already proven to you twice now that he won't be faithful, that he has no self-control or moral compass anymore and is not to be trusted, nor is he safe for you.

[@jezzakuc8002]

Thank you for this info! I have felt all these physical and emotional symptoms!

[@kaitk1999]

This helps so much. I felt like maybe I was a bad person, because I couldn’t get over it in a month, but I agreed to stay so I should let it go & because I have experienced the “I’m going to get with someone else, so you don’t hurt me first” and I felt really guilty for that, like if I was going to take that approach maybe I can’t get over this. But this helps me understand why I behave and feel the way I do and move forward. Thank you for the video

[@samshealingpodcast]

so very glad we could help you.

[@themountainsandthesea4121]

Thank you for this. I just watched the first part the night before Thanksgiving so this was timely...

[@ChristineJ99]

Wow this explanation is so helpful!

[@hughiedavies6069]

Brilliant compassionate knowledge. Thank you.

[@michelthiam9895]

Dear Mrs Denis, Dear Samuel, I just wanted to thank you warmly for having elucidated the trauma I'm going through and for putting the true words behind my pain. Not getting any apology from my wife and having instead insults, take downs and physical assault in front of our kids, I've decided to cut any tie with my wife, I live in my cave inside of our house keeping in touch just with our kids and fulfilling all their needs. I don't talk anymore to my wife and I've filed for divorce. 30 years of common life have been trashed by my wife. The worst thing is that she lies to everybody, inventing the worst behavior, presenting herself as a victim just in order to justify her 2 years betrayal. Michel from France.

[@AmySarahSmith]

My spouse had an affair with my married best friend. Her husband was physically ill and could not perform and refused to help his wife. She seemed resigned to it. But little did I know that her and my ex had an affair. I never refused him sex ever, so that wasn't the problem. I confronted him and he said that he was not going to stop and if her husband passed away he was going to ask her to move in with us, and if I didn't like it, that it was too bad. I left him there was no fixing it as he refused to get help. I went to counselling after I left him and found out that he was a narcissist. And I hate I know its a bad work but I do not like either of them. There is no forgiveness in me for either of them. And now she is hurt that I do not want to be friends anymore. I mean seriously, how could I be friends. Her husband passed away 7 months ago and they are now dating and she spends the weekends with him. I have very little contact with him as she can do no wrong and all he does is talk about her. He did this when we were together that is why I knew there was something between them. I have been through lots of counselling and I still cannot forgive them even remotely, I have no empathy since this has happened it really has messed me up. Will I eventually get over it? It has been 2 years and 7 months since I left him. I guess he finally fell in love with the 1st time in his life, but with her. We were together 17 years. And I have been best friends with her for 10 years. And yes I am the crazy one as per them as per your video. So I left with my sanity that's what I call it, with nothing. I didn't ask for a thing, I just wanted out.

[@samshealingpodcast]

with the right help, and process, I do believe you can forgive them and find freedom and healing. i would consider looking into trauma care like EMDR or ETT as what you've been subjected to is pretty traumatic indeed.

[@lorettanericcio-bohlman567]

Wow, hit from all sides. Truly narcissistic for them to believe you're supposed to go along with their insanity. My heart goes out to you 💐

[@leohernandez5673]

How many years does it take for us to really heal? My husband was unfaithful almost 7 years ago, and recently my brain is going through an “abandonment and betrayal” stage again, I keep thinking a relative of mine flirts with my husband and looks at him too much they want to be together all the time? I hate it i feel so much pain, I hurt constantly and I don’t understand why I’m so jealous? He says I’m exaggerating, he says I see things that aren’t there, it just hurts it all came back so fresh in my head like I felt it 7 years ago the very first time. I want to heal I want to forgive and forget.

[@KhassiaK]

Trust your gut and his actions over his words. They rarely lie, but their words often do. Has he done his part of the recovery work? He may be grooming your relative. Has your husband gone totally transparent on all of his devices? Do you have access to all of his accounts? Can you get a audio recorder to hide in his car? Can you put a tracker on his vehicle? Trust, but only after verifying.

[@karlamabelle101]

So glad I found this (part1 & 2) ... I’m in an early stage of my relationship and I am dealing with betrayal. This helped so much.

[@jennashepherd2421]

Seen your comment was recent and wanted to just let you know you are not the only right now going through these same feelings. I am going through it all too. The hardest thing I have went through in my life. The not knowing what to do, where to go or if I want to go is horrible. The unknown of everything. Just wanted to show a little support your way!!

[@cheekychei4172]

Jenna Shepherd and Karla, I too have been there in that uncertainty. When relationships are early and new, it’s crazy to deal with thibgs like this because one can think , well I though this was the one, and this is supposed to be the honey moon stage, does it get better after this? Is this a red flag I shouldn’t ignore? Everyone before him has done this to me, maybe there is something wrong with me? Or everyone before him has done the same, should I move one and find someone else? Is this gonna keep happening? Am I really loosing out on something that is so new? Am I dodging a bullet by leaving? Am I missing out by leaving? Am I bringing old relationship problems into the new relationship? Etc.... the truth is if you feel bad at any moment something has happened to trigger that and it is not your fault ! Do what you need to do for yourself!

[@arnonpc111]

Very enlightening. Thank you so much.

[@tabemiriam9800]

Thanks so much. I now understand my own behaviour after such a long time trying to understand.

[@willemyndekker3762]

Can I assume that this whole process would repeat itself each time a betrayal happens? For example, the initial discovery, and then finding out multiple times that contact was not broken off as promised over the period of around 5 months? Even though this was an emotional affair and not a physical one, it carried on for almost a year, with I love you’s and photos, etc. I guess that this would just start the potential recovery back at zero, especially if the spouse continued to assert you are overreacting. It has now been 2.5 yrs since then but just discovered after all the counselling and assurances from spouse that they actually still believe they did nothing wrong. There is no re-establishment of safety...

[@samshealingpodcast]

to a certain extent, yes. when there are multiple disclosures and multiple times of finding out new information, the clock of healing starts over. it's like another wave of trauma and hurt and pain. i'm so sorry he's done that to you.

[@KhassiaK]

@willemndekker3762 Stop letting him drag you behind his car. The only way to wake up an unfaithful spouse up from their limerence with their affair partner is consequences.

[@bridgetgoldsack]

Thank you MJ. I finally feel like I understand myself.

[@melissahay328]

Soooo good! I want this lady to be my therapist 🥰

[@authenticityisrare7144]

LOVE THIS! Thank goodness I accidentally came across your videos! #NewSubscriber ❤️✌🏼🙏🏼 One of the best #relationshipadvice #marriagecounselling #relationshiptrauma I have come across. I don’t know why it hasn’t had over a million views yet! ❤️❤️❤️

[@lesleyelalami2562]

Excellent video and advice, thank you. Very useful in a non-infidelity but perceived threatening situation too. Thanks. x

[@dturner3886]

I'm so glad I found these videos. I thought I was going crazy. Fight, flight, is so me.

[@georgettecross4149]

Thank you for putting this on when I needed it the most I do have what you are speaking of I needed to know that there is some one to say that they do understand .

[@samshealingpodcast]

so glad it helped.

[@notsure605]

Thank you for the videos and the help I've gotten from them

[@mikesierra1872]

Wow this explains so much of how i feel 15 years later.

[@darinabaranova9970]

Thank you so much for this explanation and helpful recommendation. I am sure this helps many betrayed partners and also unfaithful , in case they are willig to see this video :-) and to think on the matter from this perspective . Many thanks again.

[@evandegenfelder4554]

This woman is brilliant. I wish I was able to actually have her as my counselor.

[@justicefor-all3129]

Wow... everything makes so much sense. I read a comment below about a wife that had her unfaithful husband watch this video so he can have a clearer window into her experience and what is happening with her on a cellular level. And disappointingly, when he watched it, the video mostly just annoyed him. So he-just-didn’t-get-it. How badly I want to share this video with my unfaithful partner, but I am rightfully fearful and almost positive, that he also, just-won’t-get-it. I believe it would annoy him that I had him watch it. You see, he thinks anytime I bring up what he did and how I am STILL affected by it, that I am causing drama and unnecessarily stirring problems up. He feels that if him and I are good for any amount of time, even just a day, he feels that there is no reason for me to do “the switch” and turn into “the hurt and angry person”again. He feels, if I seem happy in one moment, how can I be upset all over again about something we have discussed many times. It is such a shame. He just wants it to go away and for me to just stop talking about it. Just like the guy in the video said when his wife would get into with him again, he would think...”here we go...💭” Well, my guy will literally say those exact words to me..”here we go..”, which simply means, just shut up about it already. It makes it impossible to communicate with him, so I definitely do not feel safe. Because HE-JUST-DOESN’T-GET-IT.😔

[@coriettapadilla9977]

I know this post is 3 years old but you are not alone. You just described exactly what I am going through right now. I am exhausted and just tired of hearing get over it or that I didn't forgive him. It's such a lonely place.

[@KP-hv4tt]

Dont those words “here we go again” just trigger you on a whole different level? I can’t explain how much it bothers me to hear that. Like I want to live like this or something? If it was that easy don’t you think we would just forget about it already? I literally suffer silently most days through constant reminders. Whether it be a name, a place, etc. I am usually capable of just forcing a smile and letting him live in Lala land like I’m okay to the point he has no clue that I’m even hurting in that moment. But sometimes it just comes out. Sometimes the insecurity I feel just takes over the ability to push the emotions down so I do ask annoying questions that I would’ve never even cared to ask before. The reaction just makes it harder though. Why is that a big deal? I’m getting tired of this. Here we go again. Still bringing up old shit… the list goes on. Idk when I’ll be done with all the nonsense but Lord please help me get there please in Jesus name I don’t wanna feel this pain or go through this anymore.

[@michelenesvetlik123]

I am so glad i found this today! Thankyou so very much! Amazing info! Boy did i need this! I have been going nuts. Not just at the situation, but why i've been acting these ways. I am to find info about why he's acting as he is. Blessing, i feel this may have just saved my marriage! God bless you!

[@samshealingpodcast]

so glad it's helped you

[@deedeebico6880]

I caught him asking 16 woman out, going to hotels and motels, a full blown affair of 547 days. He went to SAA, followed by a 3 mo. Affair and I caught him asking out 2 woman, that's all I've caught, only he knows the true total of his actions. I live alone, he won't go away, I feel like I'm part of his harem, we do NOT have sex, I don't trust him. He says now he has forgiven himself and doesn't need to get counseling ,joint counseling or SAA and won't go for another STD test. Thanks for posting this video.

[@mfawls9624]

Very big of himself to forgive himself, no? Very sorry you have to go through this.

[@KhassiaK]

@deedeebico6880 'Harem' is a great way of putting it! As long as he is in denial and not working his recovery, I don't think marriage is salvageable with such people. Have you guys tried going for an EMS weekend?

[@tonyevans8655]

Finally, some real soiid practical facts and advice about this subject. Very timely for me as a betrayed husband who needs advice on how to handle this nuclear bomb of emotion.

[@fannymanson]

this is tough, thank you for these videos

[@victorkroud8839]

MJ Denis: You are my new best friend. Thank you!!

[@samshealingpodcast]

she will be back in soon as well.

[@royalvictory88]

Wish I could find a councilor like this

[@mamasingers]

Thank you so much. You are the answer to my prayers. My husband and I got back after almost finish our divorce. He had affair twice and he is not validating my pain because it’s only emotional infidelity. It’s so bad that I almost killed myself.

[@Mike-wm9ru]

Amazing . Thank you so much Mj .

[@salsabilgourya1]

This was so helpful thank you!

[@stephanapatterson6319]

SPOT ON, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I'm not crazy!!!!

[@shinybubblz]

My husbands counselor suggested setting boundaries when I have a trigger and freak out... He wants my husband to walk out and sleep somewhere else for a night.... The right counselor is key! I explain to my husband the kind of counselor he needed and when he told his counselor that I 'no longer wanted him to see him" the counselor called me controlling and said I was trying to isolate my husband. The struggle is so real and now we have separated. the counselor is convinced my husband that he is the victim and I am the abuser.

[@shinybubblz]

By introducing my husband to your videos in some way that's me controlling his recovery. Some people just don't want to be helped and will seek out help from people that are only on their side. I have been in such a tailspin and your videos have helped me greatly.

[@samshealingpodcast]

@@shinybubblz i'm so glad to be a help and safe place. i'm terribly sorry for the pain you're in and the mishandling you've experienced. i'm so sorry, but so glad you're here.

[@missqjulie]

Julie Bennett happened with me to. My husband had an affair after a marriage counselor said i was controlling!

[@nataliescott9119]

This is invaluable. Thank you.

[@himanikrishnapharasi9763]

Thanks a lot this was really helpful... I connect with the reaction mentioned come here ... go away ... where are you going ... I feel a bit safe now but sometimes I still feel I trusted him so much and never got to know what he was doing behind my back ... he used to give love fulfilled messages mails when we fought to make me believe that he loved me so much ... while he was cheating ...so trusting similar words and similar sentences from him again act as a reminder and I can't trust it and feel unsafe again

[@samshealingpodcast]

so glad the video could help you in your journey.

[@KhassiaK]

@himanikrishnapharasi9763 Sounds like your hubby is a narcissist love bombing you and the AP at the same time to me. Maybe do some research on the subject?

[@adelevissernoblelightdesig9935]

So helpful! So grateful. God bless. Xx

[@michellecook-hill]

Fantastic ♥️♥️♥️

[@Finelineboatworks]

My heart is shattered and no idea how to move forward...havnt eaten in two days just have this nausea over my whole body..please help

[@lorettanericcio-bohlman567]

Remember water and deep breaths into all parts of your body which for me was biking up a steep mountain

[@upekadissanayake4188]

Great advice.

[@milicastojadinovic8297]

Amazing video

[@tammysnide5389]

How long will I have this PTSD?

[@cherrysoda88]

I chose not to continue the relationship. Too painful for me to stay, too painful to go away. Im shattered, Im sick and dont want to eat, crey all day, want this to go away soon.

[@lorettanericcio-bohlman567]

Hope you e found some relief, Mary

[@bladerubber]

Are you ok now?

[@omarkoubeah8791]

The pains is unbearable, & the hatred you feel about yourself is Orr I left…..

[@jlo1372]

This has been an answer to prayer…

[@nola8504]

Yup, never felt safe, always felt abandoned right from the start, stayed due to codependency and kids. Destroyed my existence beyond repair.

[@bladerubber]

Same but no kids. It's only been a year and no one understands I can't emotionally disconnect...

[@mangolover5232]

No one can understand me. I feel alone hurt angry. I wish he could for one day feel what I feel. It's hard when you been with someone for 20 years. I'm so broken. I feel your pain.

[@gerlengutierrez6368]

Thank you ❤

[@triciakuhn2406]

But first the betrayer has to stop betraying you. Otherwise they just keep causing more and more damage. What is the betrayed person's supposed to do after years and years of being traumatized?...