Moving Forward after Infidelity: Do’s and Don'ts

Today Samuel discusses both practical and life changing ways to move forward after the discovery of infidelity. Today's insight is for those newly into repair work as well as those years down the road.
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“The Recovery Library gave me 24/7 support because I could be up at 3am and search for the topic I was struggling with. It also helped as a couple because we could investigate topics together so it wasn’t subjective. I trusted this information because it was from professionals who also had lived through and recovered from infidelity. Double credibility in my book.”
- Amanda, Florida
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Samuel is an infidelity survivor and is one of many contributors to Affair Recovery's Survivors’ Blog, www.affairrecovery.com/our-blog. He participated in Affair Recovery's courses developed by founder and infidelity expert Rick Reynolds, LCSW. After finding healing, hope, and new life, Samuel wishes to share his journey and what AffairRecovery.com has to offer with others so they too can find hope and healing.

[@ifeanyikingsley4062]

I cannot help thinking about the betrayal. It is almost 12 months now but the pain feels like today's.

[@bilinski2546]

It's been 3 years for me 😢

[@kitkit5515]

The hurt is so deep it is literally a Herculean effort for me to move forward and forget the past ugh 😣 To come to grips that I was not valued is a stab to my heart.

[@dan-lansingmi9169]

There are many of us that understand what you are going through. You are not alone. Get some professional help (wish I did it sooner) and find some people who you can trust and will support you.

[@bigananikagiso6413]

I really feel you This pain eats everything in me, but I always let myself know that I should go through this pain, not over or below it, so it doesn't haunt me years later. But this channel has been helping me greatly

[@tracyangus695]

I can related

[@hbrookes]

I am month 6 now and finally I can think about me and get me in shape and ready to move on. Be strong there is a light around the next corner!

[@beckyreynolds8311]

I just found out my fiance of 6 years, who I never doubted for a second, never was suspicious or wanted to check his phone, NOTHING, cheated on me 3 times, 3 different women, in our bed while I was out with our children. I love him so much and I am trying everything to forgive him. Idk if I can, but I want to try.

[@stephanie579]

I have decided to chose me right now … this means discovering who I am and what I want and working to make that happen … I have also realized I should not be the one to always initiate talks … I am stepping back and not bringing up his affair at all … I am journaling and see a therapist weekly and I just got a new job 👍👍 I am choosing to work on myself and leave my husband to do his own work 👍👍👍

[@sitiimanina]

How are you now?

[@del7802]

When narcisstic Unfaithful just clams up and refuses to discuss or give full disclosure, it's nearly impossible to move forward .

[@samshealingpodcast]

i think it's a fair point...however, what help have you sought after? are they open to getting help?

[@sharleenplacek3698]

You are so right and the problem is that the majority of cheaters are narcissists. Many times the betrayed spouse never realized just how narcissistic their unfaithful spouse was even in long-term relationships until they get caught cheating. The sad thing is most infidelity sites and therapists do not acknowledge the impact of narcissism with infidelity and always try to say the cheating occurs because of vulnerabilities in the relationship caused by both partners and that is not true.

[@olunicholas4362]

My story, he has coiled up for over 1year and refused give any form of disclosure, the best he says once in a while is I'm sorry let's move on and all attempts to get him speak has not yield any results

[@florencemorgan2674]

Please use the affair recovery videos to help you . You can't heal your partner, but you can help yourself .

[@79britchik]

Now he knows to delete texts right away i love him and I have been a good wife plus he won’t admit what it really is

[@jaeldavison9916]

When I was 28, my first husband took his own life , 2 weeks after I had given birth to our 4th child . The agony was unbelievable. Thought I couldn't go through anything worse. I don't know why but my 2nd husband's emotional infidelity has completely shredded my heart and the pain is worse than coping with the death of my first husband.

[@DandyBeingTandi]

I'm so sorry you have had to deal with these situations in your life. But it was reading this comment that made me realize that no matter how low I feel at this moment, I can go through anything. It could be so much worse than it is. Thank you for sharing. ❤

[@ajevangelista8758]

Betrayal trauma is worse than losing a loved one. Being betrayed by my husband felt so much worse than losing my dad.

[@lindajohnson3272]

I was widowed at 32 myself, it was his own doing with his food and drug addiction. I didn't think anything but a death could rock me like that. We're going to fight for our relationship. A lot of long discussions, a lot of pain and crying on both sides.

[@izziekathryn]

It's been a year since my partner betrayed me. It still hurts and I still think about it. I think the hardest part now is that the last year has been amazing. Like the betrayal made us open up and talk and work on so many things and it's honestly been such an amazing year - but I think this has lead me to confusion. Confused how something that broke me to the point of self harm was also something that helped us move forward together and fix so many issues we didn't necessarily notice at the time were issues.

[@tslavens3092]

I so understand this.

[@yingyuchen6595]

I just hope my partner can give me this opportunity to fix this together.

[@wbgone]

i'm only 2 weeks in from being betrayed. I'm just way up and way down still.

[@lionkingk5098]

It took me 3 years and I took medication. I stopped when needed.

[@carol-em2gv]

​@@wbgoneThe 13th of July marked 2 months I found out he was chatting with a food vendor. I dont get it. We are financially better. I am younger and prettier. I am educated. Its rough. Some days I wonder whats the point of getting out of bed. But I think I am the one that deserves a better man.

[@jake8748]

Well said. If you're the unfaithful, also genuinely ask your betrayed how they are, how are they coping. And no Matter what, don't assume anything. You're no longer safe atleast until into healing. The betrayed is going to have all the shields up they feel they need so likely won't even tell you how bad they feel entirely out if fear you might betray them over that too.

[@pumpkinpied4418]

right. i dont want to tell anything. likewise keeping secrets like the cheater does

[@Valeria-th3ms]

Every time I watch one of your videos, I cry.. but towards the end I start feeling hopeful. Thank you for your work

[@samshealingpodcast]

awe, i'm honored to be a part of your journey. thank you for watching and commenting

[@MrsPFenzel]

The devastation is traumatic, I can't believe this has happened to me.

[@gyroe1970]

Rocking my world is an understatement. almost 2 years of working on it and still have moments of deep grieving and utter shock of it happening. Totally unreal.

[@user-lw3tz7mm6i]

Well done, I am happy to hear that you overcame that!!!

[@raileh2554]

hey I hope that you reply. Im just wondering how your daily routine together went? what were key things that you guys prioritize to do? was there a discussion about the hurt everyday? if so what would be key things that needed to be said by the unfaithful? ive been completely honest, transparent and affectionate to my partner, but were lost. I do not know how to make it hurt less. I do not know what words to express. Thank you, I wish you guys the best and that you guys are well.

[@carol-em2gv]

​@@raileh2554Were u the unfaithful? If so, I can tell u how it feels from the side that was cheated on. I can tell u what needs to be said. I am living the pain of being cheated on. I can tell u what needs to be said to help remedy the cheating

[@user-ex3mx7hk4l]

@@carol-em2gvWhat made you feel better? What exactly was said?

[@user-ex3mx7hk4l]

⁠@@raileh2554The most critical things that brought us closer after his infidelity: 1. Unwavering transparency. 2. Lack of a ‘tone’ or attitude when I was shell shocked & needed to repeat questions over & over because I just couldn’t get my head around it. 3. His humility. 4. Him not blaming me but taking responsibility for his sin. 5. Him writing in a gratitude journal once a week 3 things he appreciated about me. 6. Him giving me at least 1 compliment a day to help repair my shredded self esteem. 7. His willingness to go to therapy and look at HIMSELF. 8. His decision to see that he was broken and needed help. 9. His willingness to break it off 100% with the A.P. 10. His desire to make it up as best he can by paying recompense. He started investing in our relationship big time. 11. He knew he must EARN trust back little by little over time. And it will never be the same again. 12. He knew better than to ask for forgiveness because he knew he didn’t deserve that from me. If I had my legs wrapped around some other guy I’m sure he wouldn’t have been feeling forgiving towards me. 13. He never called his cheating an accident. 14. He initiated spending quality time together. We made it a point to go on weekly dates and to spend time doing fun things together. It’s more about ACTION and less about WORDS. After what you did, she isn’t going to believe a word you say anyway because you became a world class liar. Two things to keep in mind: 1. This is going to be a LOT more uncomfortable than you would like. 2. This is going to take a LOT longer than you think. Repairing the relationship IS possible but it takes focus, effort and LONG TERM CONSISTENCY. And if she had s*x with you, don’t assume everything is OK now and you can not try so hard. Healing her broken soul, her trust in you and the relationship you nearly destroyed will likely take YEARS. And even then her wholehearted trust in you, the feeling of you two against the world and the innocence of your relationship is gone forever.

[@alphie7301]

It still hurts Soo much that sometimes I feel like walking away .... Wish I didn't know he cheated 🥺😩

[@dmgproducts8188]

She cheated on me with her baby daddy and begged me to stay. I still love her. I love the baby… idk what to do I want my own baby with her

[@survivalofthefishiest]

What do you do when you moved forward, but the contact and lies didn't end. It happened over and over, and now I'm numb. I feel NOTHING. How does this improve? The inital lack of trust, I was more than willing to "move forward from", but after too many times, I hit the wall, and now I feel that I don't even know him. A total stranger, that now I look at with entirely different eyes, and knowing what I know, feel like I never would have chosen. Polar opposite of what I knew to be true, the person, our relationship, nothing feels like it will ever improve. We co-exist. I don't hate him, I just feel nothing.

[@Draggedout96]

You can be doing absolutely everything right, happier than ever and it can still happen. That's the hardest part for me, we were so happy. I know it, believe it but also how can I when he so easily destroyed it. I'm not claiming to be perfect but I carry an empathy inside of me that is almost too much to bear at times and sometimes I wonder if i'm the only one. Clearly not having read all these comments. So many people hurting, so many people betrayed. It's been a month now, and i started out devastated beyond belief. Couldn't eat, sleep, stop sobbing for a week. I still am, but now i'm also enraged. Enraged at the man who i built so much with, we were healers of each others traumas. He was the one who broke me out of the mistrust I had of men after my own sexual assault. I was the one breaking him out of the childhood trauma and suffering he endured. He claimed to be happy but the opportunity came and he chose to take it. I've had those same opportunities yet even if i wanted them, i always pulled back and remembered him and how it wouldn't be worth it. I think its completely normal to have thoughts of other people outside your own relationship, just human. I struggle with it myself but it takes a lot of maturity to go to your partner and tell them this or admit your feelings. What a difference it would have made if he just came home and told me but he chose to lie and i found out through someone else the next day. It was just kissing but with two people in a sort of young 'fun' scenario, his first night out alone in so long at a work party. We were each others whole lives you see, moved home to be with my sick mother and he came with me, supported me throughout. He claims it was greed, impulse, selfishness and the attention he was receiving as he has very low self esteem. He's completely remorseful and resembles the person i once knew again and has started therapy every week. But i have lived a life full of people treating me badly and i just dont know if I've reached my limit. It makes you feel like something is wrong in you, something about you deserves this but i know i don't. I know i deserve so much more and that is why I'm struggling to know where to go from here. I'm trying to see how i feel over the next few months, but this could not have come at a worse time with people moving on, away with their own lives. I'm scared what will happen if I'm left here isolated with him and I can't make it work. If there's any comfort at all, its being able to share this with people who truly understand so thank you to all and i wish you strength ❤️

[@arie495]

As betrayed spouse, how do you balance the grieve (as part of healing) and moving forward? We can not move forward while we are still grieving.

[@bittehiereinfugen7723]

Arie, I think grieving is one of the first steps to moving forward. Only when that grieving gets its recognition and time and space, something new can emerge. Grieving takes time and patience, it's not a process that ends on "day x".

[@larrygragg8529]

It has been 9 weeks since discovering my wife’s affair. Your videos have helped me tremendously by helping me understand why she did what she did. We understand it’s going to take time, but we know we will eventually get through this and move forward.

[@tjc525]

Larry...as a betrayed husband i can say its going to be extremely difficult but certainly possible. In my prayers

[@shannahsmith5522]

How has it been for you both since 2 years have passed ? @larry and @tjc

[@andreabrunkow9314]

Your videos have helped my spouse and me see many things in new ways. I'm hoping that we'll be doing your bootcamp soon. I do have a request though. Could you please do a video or two about self centeredness? It's my belief that that has a lot to do with the occurrence of an affair and the recovery that's needed afterward. Thank you for all of your hard work and all the insight and great advice!!

[@Thestaringbaby]

My husband cheated on me in our home. First time after 15 years.😢its hurts so bad and we talked about how to void moments like this so thats y it hurts even more. We promise to always just leave instead of cheating on each other. He promise to never do it again, and that he cuting all connections with the other woman and willing to take all the necessary steps on beginning us but he not once called a therapist etc so i did and he say he going to them. I want to believe him but its very very hard😢

[@zombiesbride]

I feel numb. i haven't cried over it. The pain is to much to cry. We're starting therapy next week.

[@tblank0302]

Tremendous message, Sam. Thanks for continuing to deliver words of hope and resiliency to the masses.

[@jeanne5354]

I’ve never felt pain and suffering like this in my entire 56 years of life. I’ve lost a child, a 27 year brother fr cancer, I was a a used of a crime I never committed and thrown in prison… but I’ve never felt or dealt with anything like this. I wouldn’t wish I my worst enemy… I’m 11 months in, traumatized and Ptsd. Idk if I’m ever going to be me again.

[@stacysnider4899]

I hear you, Jeanne. There has got to be a way for us to find as much healing as possible so that we can have good lives moving forward. I refuse to give up. If we are persistent we will find answers. We deserve to be whole again, in spite of what some other damaged soul did to us! 💕

[@jefferyrandolph8819]

Jeanne, my heart aches for you. Hold on. Hold on.

[@evej865]

Ten months now since I found out. I don't think I will ever fully trust my husband again. He doesn't know this by I have absolutely no respect for him. He disgusts me. I'm in this marriage for the long run but not happy. Recently I hope I don't live too long. I don't like this life anymore. Everyday I just go through the motions and get through the day. He was lucky to have me. Now he is lucky he doesn't know how I really feel. The grief and agony is overwhelming.

[@carol-em2gv]

I am sorry to hear. Me too. He cheated on me with porn, and messages I found. The trust and respect is gone. I ask why do I want to lool good or dress nice now if he rather watch uglier women on FB? Stand strong. You are not alone.

[@JamesVastbinderJr]

My wife cheated on me 17 years ago with 3 men physically and others emotionally. It took me 3 years to feel human again and 5 years to feel comfortable traveling again for work. She just had another emotional affair a little over a month ago. To me it feels just like 17 years ago. I have periods of anxiety so strong I want to lay down and die. She doesn’t understand and tells me I’m putting her in a box or prison. I got through it before, I know I’ll get through it again, but it hurts and I feel so lonely.

[@Tinkatat84]

I never ever imagined he would cheat. He was so good to me, I've never felt as loved. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I just want to forget. I want to be the woman who can pretend it didn't happen and just keep going but it hurts so bad. I have dealt with depression for decades, I haven't been suicidal in forever but I just want to disappear. I just don't get it and I'm afraid I can't get past it 😞

[@laurarogers-gabriel4858]

Thank you for explaining a lot of things clearly and soft but brutal honestly. For the part about C-PTSD thank you pointing out that these two are different it gave me a different perspective on this trauma.

[@alixhice5713]

Good, meaningful and helpful message. We are doing very well 4 months past D-Day through the EMS Weekend, Beyond EMS, and Harboring Hope programs. Affair Recovery, the library and these videos have been my lifeline! Thank you Samuel.

[@staceyyvonne9854]

We're 4 months out, too

[@samshealingpodcast]

I'm so glad I can help in some small way. thank you for your kind words.

[@royrodgers567]

Thank you. It's been a long 22 months now. I know restoration is possible. It does get easier.

[@sitiimanina]

How are doing?

[@honey-feeney9800]

What Sam said about how awful the TRAUMA of infidelity is, is very true. I discovered my former husband with OW 21 years ago and I’m still try to understand . It still bothers me and I still doubt myself since the gaslighting, etc.

[@k53ss22]

I completely understand this. I am 10 years in, & still so many challenges & much pain.

[@luisdelvalle1965]

Wow!!! That was the most inspirational talk I've ever heard on how infidelity causes hurt, but on how to process, and move on. In my role as a Counsellor, I deal a lot with relationships but specifically with men who have betrayed their partners through infidelity, be it an affair or porn. This has totally inspired me to the point that I'm going to start all my individual counselling sessions (post intake) with the 'Moving Forward' session. This talk absolutely outlines the key elements of what must occur in thinking and action to create a momentum to move away from self-pity, and to move forward towards self-love. I'm looking forward to dissecting the transcript and studying it further. Again, thank you Samuel for an amazing talk. Appreciated.

[@jessiesheldon-huffey1824]

I felt the same amount of appreciation for his thoughts on "moving forward". It is exactly what I needed to hear to recognize that my spouse of 25 years is not in the space he needs to be in for us to move forward but I am in a support group and getting the help I need to heal. he is stuck in self pity, blaming, minimizing, obtaining alternative dopamine hits while still lying/ withholding info from me in our everyday lives.While the marriage will be a thing of the past, I can still recover from this.This work is important for me! AND who knows, maybe God has the man of my dreams out there somewhere waiting for me.......

[@bhbh-ej5bw]

I cheated and betrayed my boyfriend in a long distance relationship but after I opened up to him the guilt is really killing me slowly

[@sitiimanina]

How are you guys now?

[@brightpage1020]

Moving forward, fearlessly. God is on our side. What have we to fear that He cannot surmount?

[@rtklarsfeld]

Inciteful, brilliant presentation. Thank you!

[@lisadee0276]

Sam, we are so grateful that you’re making videos again. Your videos minister to so many of us who are in dire need of insight, validation, hope, and healthy perspective your videos provide. We appreciate you, brother.

[@samshealingpodcast]

means so much to get messages like that. thank you for reaching out and encouraging me. means more than you know my friend.

[@gerrardjames5204]

I got cheated on again by the same person, I’ve told her I’m happy to work through it but the truth is I don’t care no more, we live together, so all I’m doing is rinsing her for what I can get, getting my fiancés in order then I’ll bail out

[@carol-em2gv]

Same here. My love for him is less. My trust is gone. I just tag along and see him a a friend now. The Husband and Wife days are over. Life can be sad😢

[@amanfromearth5154]

Its been 4 days since I found out and it's truly overwhelming my emotions

[@jeremycorbett5241]

Thank you so much Mr. Samuel. I am a unfaithful spouse and your videos are really helping me. Thank you so much! Keep doing the good work.

[@bigananikagiso6413]

That is the thing, I really want to move on and take care of myself and my baby and my boyfriend but grief is like an anchor, I guess I'm still in disbelief

[@INTELLITHINK]

Excellent information

[@suzannewilliams759]

I've experienced death of some very close people in my life. Now going through betrayal trauma from infidelity in 36 yr marriage. Nothing hurts worse than knowing you put your HEART & SOUL into building a life with someone who ripped the carpet out from under you, lied when questioned about their EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITY & then continued & manipulated you even further over 3 decades. Betrayal trauma is much worse. This man stole 33 yrs of my life!! How do I get that back? Difficult to trust a man who looks at you & blatantly asks, WHATS WRONG WITH ME GAWKING AT OTHER WOMEN? Looking is disrespectful. DIVING IN FACE FIRST (& he did) destroys all TRUST.

[@oliviawonderful7555]

OMG!! I've been searching for over a month trying to find someone in my situation. Married for 35 years and first heard about an outside child over 30 years ago. He lied the entire time and said that it didn't happen. Said people was feeding me lies but after years of bringing it up he just decided to admit it a month ago. I was also the one who did it all for him and our kids. I worked all my life did everything for the kids and had no life of my own. Now I'm struggling to find a reason for staying since it's been 35 years. I get it. The constant lying may be worse than the betrayal itself for me. Maybe I'm just confused right now. I want my life back too. He reaped all the benefits because I gave it every ounce of what I had.

[@joyk3070]

Its been 5 months since i found out about the betrayal. Although i decided to stay , i fighting every day to move on and stop thinking about.

[@menomeno69]

I feel you.. Stay strong.. It takes courage to move forward

[@carol-em2gv]

Understand. Its my 3rd month. I stayed. But everyday i wonder whats next. I feel divorce will be our solution. He cheated. I was being 100% honest and real during his adventures. 😢 I do not deserve it.

[@carol-em2gv]

​@@menomeno69I neeeeeeeed it 😢

[@damienalvarez2957]

I was cheated on for the first time this last December. I had a sneaking suspicion, but she dumped me almost a week after I had suspected it had happened. She only told me when I had considered trying again with her when I thought that maybe she simply made a rash decision in breaking up with me. But no, she told me she dumped me because she was trying to avoid telling me what she did. To this day I only feel like she told me for her benefit and not do the right thing, and what’s scary is, I’m not a hateful man, nor do I have a temper, but I can’t help but hate her and feel like contacting her just to yell at her, telling her how I hate her for cheating on me, how she left me in the cold without any answers, how she tried to turn me into the villain over it. It scares me how angry this has all made me and it’s made me want to hide away from the world. I feel inadequate, like I’m not good enough for anyone, romantically or otherwise.

[@denislegeev1119]

Deep down inside in her unconcious every woman knows WHAT she has done and will always disrespect the "forgiver" for forgiving THAT

[@florencemorgan2674]

I am so happy you are doing this, putting your life out there to help others heal.

[@Cal-ElandTheShef]

OMG DUDE. U HAVE NAILED ALL OF THE EMOTIONS ON POINT. THANK U FOR VALIDAYING MY FEELINHD EVEN THOUGH HE WONT. The 2videos I watched made me less angry I have thought about suicide I have panic attacks have ptsd. All of it. So thank u.

[@k53ss22]

I understand this. If not for my children, I may have seriously considered suicide.

[@phil4bama]

I wish I had found this series much sooner

[@sands0111]

The other woman messaged me they are in love, theyre soul mates and were waiting for him to leave me. He doesnt want me to leave. But this went on and off for 13 years. I move out next month. Im triggered over and over again.

[@heatherwest8998]

What about when he will not even acknowledge the fact that he’s done anything wrong? When he denies everything, despite there being tangible evidence to the contrary? When he refuses to discuss the event(s) and give full disclosure? Or when he deflects and gaslights or shuts down and escapes every time the subject is brought up? What do I do? How do I move forward or begin to heal until the cards are on the table and I know exactly what I’m dealing with here?

[@florencemorgan2674]

Omg you get where the betrayed feels. I am waiting for my husband's work to catch up to my healing. I share so many videos with him and others that are on both sides of the addiction . Thank you for being a voice for all of us.

[@samshealingpodcast]

i'm honored I can help and be a part of your recovery.

[@lyndaclements3251]

I just don’t know how to get past the unbearable pain I feel. My husband had a 7 year or more affair with my best friend. I have been betrayed by my husband and best friend. My spouse is trying everything to get me back. I have not looked at him since the day I found out. Oct 29, 2021 is when I found out from. The other betrayed spouse caught them. However he had caught them twice before and never said anything. He did nothing to stop it. I feel betrayed by him also. So many days I pray I don’t wake up because it is so painful. I am not sure I can ever love my husband again. This affair has destroyed a large group of friends. i feel destroyed😢

[@vickiboyd1351]

🙏💔🙏💔🙏 Prayers of Peace & Healing to YOU!!! Pleaseeee get Counseling for YOURSELF!!!😇

[@fredabaahacheamfour5286]

Hmmmm

[@coffeeblack1797]

I'm thinking this is more than just “me”, what I do with this “Infidelity” also impact children. I know this because my dad was a horrible dad who cheated on my mom, and she stayed with him while hiding how he cheated on her. Without going into the detail of how messed up my dad is, her doing so changed my idea on how to deal w things in life. And because of her decision, I’m making my decisions. I make decisions that’s based on my kids well being, and I know my husband abuse this character. I don’t want my kids to make the same mistakes I made. I want them to make a better decisions, be better and smarter.

[@INTELLITHINK]

I am on board for me. Can’t make anyone else work but me I’m here for me.

[@peacefulvibe8357]

Thank you ❤❤❤

[@Lightning__Fox]

I was the one that lived a double life, I love my girlfriend… I made a huge mistake cause I was lying to her for 8 months about sleeping in someone else’s bed… but I would be willing to go to the worlds end I just hope she understands how much I truly love her

[@niravshukla6999]

You should also make videos on how one can come back if he or she is not able to go forward in the relationship..

[@dmgproducts8188]

I really want to move past this. I love her so much and forgive her

[@emaculit6300]

Its been two weeks. I’m dying inside.

[@BrownSugaBabe]

Sounds just like me now. It’s been 3 weeks and I feel like he’s snatched my heart out and stomped on it.

[@charlashebairo6245]

3 week club here and the pain is real. I can't sleep can't eat can't concentrate can't work. I wake up crying and fall asleep crying. In my case my bf of 5 years who was living with me including his 8 year old son I was raising as my own, cheated on me with a 21 yr old. More than 40 years younger! He left with 2 boxes of clothes in a uhaul and picked up his sin from school so I couldn't even say goodbye. Then drive off with his sin and the girl into the sunset. I'm devastated. I don't want to be in my home everything reminds me of him. NOT only that but he met her at work. The job that I helped him get bc I knew the owner. They were even on tape bc the had the audacity to have relations at the store. He told everyone we were roommates. I feel so betrayed its like I lost the love of my life and son at the same time. It's so hard to move on and let go. All of their stuff is still here it's horrible. The pit in my stomach will not go away and it's been 3 weeks. To know he doesn't care about me makes me feel unlovable. He also ghosted me so I don't even know where they are. The girl was homeless and I was told they are staying in a hotel. How can I possibly heal from this? I'm so so lost.😢

[@carol-em2gv]

​@@charlashebairo6245I am here if u need to talk. Same boat. I am going into my 3rd month. I caught him chatting with a really 'poor' woman. I took away his phone and saw multiple fb accts with porn porn porn. He sent a lesbian messages too and his picture to an older 300 pound woman. I am good looking, intelligent, pretty, not old, and more financially stable than the 3 women he messaged. I am hurt. Ive been 24 yrs with him and married 10 yrs. My heart was squeezed. Some days I dont want to brush my hair or take a bath. I ask why do I want to look good if my man will not look at me???? I am torn. I am damaged. I am hurt. I feel I just want to sleep and not wake up. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. JUST KNOW THAT

[@janettecavallaro5643]

He refuses to talk about it or apologise...I felt something was off so eventually recorded him when I wasn't home...he was paying live cam girls throughout the day to masturbate with.He turned it on me saying I invaded his privacy.Probably still doing it or more....ive currently scheduled counceling for how sick I am over this...its affecting my mental and physical health.

[@carol-em2gv]

Counselling in my area is expensive. Ive been to priests and pastors. No Help. Yes try counselling. Sometimes it helps to speak out, say it, share it.

[@kristenp5835]

Do you have any links for a good recovery workshop that one person can do?

[@janetforbs5773]

thank you

[@David-fg1uf]

Dude you are amazing. I am the cheater. I have been in a spiral of depression amd self loathing. My friends are scattering around to help me pick myself up. Your videos and becoming the duct tape to help me put myself back together. Thank you! Baby steps,just stay moving forward.

[@pumpkinpied4418]

so why did you cheat?

[@mikeschmautz]

Are you doing better? I'm in the same boat, struggle every day with self worth for what I've done, guilt is crushing!

[@stephaniedelossantos7469]

Is amazing how you are so concerned about how you feel and about the betrayed that you destroyed 😅

[@ClarissaValdes]

As bad as you're feeling I can assure you the betrayed is feeling 100 percent worst. Cheating is a choice

[@1tressaht]

Sam, I hear you on giving what the Betrayed needs but then there is a part where it places expectations that the unfaithful will never have rights to privacy and boundaries crossed. How can you establish healthy boundaries to a betrayed once the unfaithful gave up theirs?

[@samshealingpodcast]

i think it's time, healing, expert help and a third party who both of you can trust and listen to to learn what that looks like moving forward. there are nuances and similarities for healing but it can look somewhat different for each couple and it's vital you get help. usually, it's not something you'll figure out on your own.

[@td4049]

I just found out my wife cheated two days ago - this is such a soul-ripping pain, I can't believe it. We have been married for almost 12 years and have two young kids. She says she's sorry and wants to make amends but I am just so unbelievably hurt, disgusted, and broken right now... I don't know what to do.

[@willylumpnj]

How on Earth does your wife plan on "making amends"? She can't undo what she CHOSE to do.

[@grumpygiraffe]

I hear you brother. I found out my wife cheated on me about a week ago. We've been married for 17 years and have two kids. The pain I'm going through is indescribable. I know how you feel. I can't offer any words of advice as right now, I'm a broken man. I just wanted to let you know you're not alone...

[@shelleyrochelle7596]

What if your husband still doesn't feel they did or are still doing anything wrong because it wasn't physical?

[@carol-em2gv]

Cheating is cheating even if it was chatting. 2 months ago I found by husband of 10 yrs chatting with a woman. It was in taking his phone from him that I found his porn addiction. Its still cheating. I ask whats the point of this marriage.

[@infidelheretic923]

If it hurts you that should be enough to make him stop. But also be empathic to the fact that he has needs too. Maybe he could just watch porn. But he shouldn't be watching anything live or texting or sending nudes.

[@carol-em2gv]

He cheated on me when I gave him my 100% trust and love and honesty. I have tried everything to help me get over it. Today I made up my mind to cheat back but with a young and handsome guy. I know its not right. But i want him to find out and feel how he destroyed me.

[@dukethecolors]

How did that go?

[@jasonmead4945]

And how is he going to find out ?

[@jbouse64]

I'm divorced and I never got over the infidelity. She blamed me for everything including her things. Every friend we had turned her way and her way. Because of lies. She is with a new supply and personally everytime I see him he looks like a homeless guy. I just want to put a mud hole in him and her

[@Puddleofamber]

I can’t get over it, at all. Why wasn’t I good enough? Why can’t I ever be good enough.

[@captaincoconut457]

Would you do one to one video sessions?

[@tslavens3092]

How does one find a mentor

[@darkeggycj]

Agree moving forward is the best ... that goes hand to hand with divorce.

[@infidelheretic923]

For some yes. But not all. People can better themselves and heal. But both parties have to be willing.

[@ryanriego2473]

I need help. How do I reach out? I’m in France.

[@AsifRaza-oq4nb]

What if it's something we get to know after the breakup?

[@ScottsHonestReviews]

It hurts

[@Tac_Faith]

Its hard my brothers, wr all going through it together

[@deerogdavila]

My husband cheated 2x, hard for me to ever trust him

[@sibelius4671]

I’m the unfaithful spouse. We both want to work through it, but she knows I still love my AP. I think I can get over her, but the simple fact I still care about her at all seems to be what will end our marriage

[@stacysnider4899]

If you fell in love, you can fall out of love. Have you ceased all contact?

[@jerryanddiannedennison5644]

To love is a choice

[@pereiraplaza222]

And your AP doesn't want to be with you? Like in a serious relationship? Or did you choose your wife.

[@ameliaburke3241]

My ex cheated on me a year into our relationship. I was stupid and forgave him and nine years later he cheated on me again (this time decided gas lighting me and degrading me was the way to go) and began dating the coworker after i moved out. Bonus was he was cheating with his co-worker (as a manager ) who is just a 19 year old girl. Ive been in so much pain but it helps to know im not alone

[@Gotoworkkk]

Ouch! I’m sorry to hear this…

[@davidbailey1718]

My man Sammy

[@MrMarco7259]

11 and a half years of my life totally wasted!

[@bendeollos3701]

I am dealing with this right now. Found out 4 days ago that my wife has been unfaithful.

[@carol-em2gv]

Sorry

[@stephaneb4259]

It’s been 6 yrs since my disclosure. My husband is obsessed with violent revenge against the person involved. He doesn’t want a divorce but would rather punish me for the rest of the time we have left. I’ve been doing the work and try to have hope but when do you have to admit that a marriage is over?

[@canaweb]

I think this is a key reason why the unfaithful are reluctant to provide full disclosure. If in the past, truth and honesty has been used as a weapon against them, why risk making things worse? "Punishment for crimes" that could very well last a lifetime, depending on the temperament and personality of the betrayed. Add to that - details that seem irrelevant or are honestly forgotten by the unfaithful are important to the betrayed. Even if, truthfully, having the answer wouldn't make them feel any better. Or would cause even more damage.

[@sibelius4671]

@@canaweb this is where I’m at now. I’m the unfaithful. I’ve been excessively honest and it really just gets thrown back in my face. And she has hundreds of photos and videos documenting my betrayal. And honestly answering the questions about still missing my affair partner has just made things worse. Idk where honesty helps or hurts at this point

[@Critonite]

When you think you got it bad just remember that my wife cheating on me with at least 10 different men, 3 weeks after we got married, lasting off and on for 9 months with multiple revelations and promises to stop the behavior. So, you are not alone and it can always be worse! LOL

[@awkaawka5623]

I struggle

[@carol-em2gv]

😢😢😢😢sameeee

[@dariuszdarek5919]

At the end of a day betrayal is betrayal. We all know this.

[@moodymoonboo7853]

I'm in a healing process right now 💔💔💔 I'm not sure I wanna low my own standards so much I'm willing to give my life to a betrayer 💔 💔 💔 but I'll have to see other opportunities first, only because of the kids

[@greenthumbnail1831]

💙

[@Ricarica981]

crying while watching😢 im a cheater😢

[@cheeks300zx]

Why did you cheat ? My wife just cheated on me with her best friend. Was it something he didn’t do ?

[@carol-em2gv]

Its never too late to stop cheating. It hurts your partner so much that u mark them for the rest of their life. Stop cheating. Its not late.

[@user-ki2ft6ot6v]

Plz don't cheat anyone hereafter.....if you don't like someone just tell them and move on its better than cheating.....

[@infidelheretic923]

Some people manage it better than others. But don't keep it a secret. If you're a person with a conscience it'll eat you inside.

[@ssiegreen5292]

WOW! Huge trigger towards the end of the video!!! If your cheating partner is also a narcissist - you cannot CANNOT! be open like that, as this knowledge will be used against you in the future. {Never mind the fact that you should not be with a narcissist, LOL}

[@georgiaoblak8165]

I feel like a deer that's been gutted. The pain never ends. Why does God allow these"christian" men to betray us and lie so profoundly to a woman who gives so much to them. Life has no value, bc men treat me like I have value

[@carol-em2gv]

He cheated on me and the pain is real. It hurts all day everyday 😢

[@michelleesmith5137]

❣

[@menomeno69]

May I ask.. What does is mean when a partner talks to other girls, also shares pic of his private parts with other people! What does that mean?

[@carol-em2gv]

Its cheating. My husband sent his picture of his naked chest to a big old woman. I am younger and prettier. I dont find the sense. Bottom Line. Some men are just stupid.

[@philadelphiaeaglesforever8380]

What if we're meant to make a life with our affair partner and divorce our spouse

[@tracygallagher8992]

Was there a time during recovery you couldnt have sex with your wife .im 30 months after discovery his been in therapy the whole time and recovery . But sex between us has almost disappeared

[@100eye7]

Just got cheated today caught my gf red handed(7-08-22) She had been lying to me. Iam completely shattered and broken cause I dreamt of us as spouse and the memories keep popping up. But I KNOW I WILL MOVE ON AND I CAN. To all you reading this comment. This comment will stay here , maybe when you face the same situation as me (i wish u don't ever) maybe weeks, months from now please reply to this text. Cos i know it's difficult and may b by than I could be of some help

[@sibelius4671]

I’m the unfaithful spouse. I’m so sorry for the selfish pain we’ve inflicted on you. I can’t speak to you gf, but I am crushed inside at the level of betrayal I have caused. I cannot forget or forgive myself

[@LifeExpert_]

How you doing

[@jontranchita336]

Why does your name have to be Sam that was the guy who she cheated with

[@desireeorozco9686]

It was the name of the girl he cheated with for me.😢