After breakup, what do you do on holidays? Feeling my body. June 24, 2024-Video journal / diary

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[@fragilefleur]

Maybe you can have a dinner party for connecting some of your friends. Just make it simple and casual like pot luck or easy variety of foods and friends. Maybe a summer gathering of friends and make hot weather salads and treats and summer drinks. It’s really hard. I am not feeling social either after end of marriage and it has taken me a long time to want to rebuild a community. It’s super hard. You will likely feel better just doing some basic social things to build history after the breakup. I feel for you so much. Check out somatic relaxation exercises to process the body holding the pain. You are smart to embrace your emotions. But also make the hard effort to step forward into socializing again. You are lucky to have nearby friends. Take advantage of it. It’s ok to hang with them and still have your feelings. People go through hard things and will understand that you are still fragile. Maybe keep the hangout time limited also so if you get emotionally overwhelmed you can have a break. Maybe just set up short hang outs like coffees, going to a meal or attending an event together but time limited. Get rest and be okay slowing down and honoring your feelings while you rebuild. It’s been since Nov 2022 and I’m still rebuilding also and processing life. Having annual reminders and “anniversaries” like a time to go on vacation or a time to celebrate summer and it will trigger your emotions and make you feel the pain again. It’s normal and as you cycle thru the grief you will build more skills to tolerate it and hopefully also some new experiences to have a separation between the old painful memories and the new stuff both hard and good. Just sharing my experience. Sending a hug and some genuine understanding. Hate to see someone else going thru this terrible grief. It’s so so hard. You will be ok but def click into your friends and let them help you also if anyone has your interest at heart. If nothing just self care by making some social dates with friends just to not shut yourself down and also a break from the tension in your body and pain. I’ve found water helps a lot too like a pool, shower, bath, even watering plants. Whatever it takes. I will be curious to see what you do to rebuild. Take care.

[@TANIAfm]

Thank you so much for sharing, Amy. You are so right - sometimes, something seemingly so unrelated can be a trigger. Sometimes it seems like I'm making 2 steps forward and 3 steps backwards. I thought that when I finally felt better it was for good. But no. Healing turned out to be so unstable. But I don't lose hope. I believe that small consistent actions will help me get wherever I want to be, and will help me feel better. Again, thank you so much for sharing. It helps immensely to know that it will get better.

[@fragilefleur]

@@TANIAfm Sometimes it's just life too. Hang in there and keep trying. My dad was a car salesman and used to say something about "the more shit you throw at the wall, something eventually sticks" LOL. Not so fragile of a statement but it's kinda true. Some days it's just one day or one moment at a time. The war defo will set you back each time you get bad news so making some peace with it or getting distance as much as possible will help. If your family is there though, how can you get a distance mentally. ugh. Hang in there. Hoping for peace very soon. It's gone on way too long!

[@fragilefleur]

@@TANIAfm Alos thank you for sharing online b/c I can relate to a lot and the recovery process. I am far from better but learning to cope and deal. I have PTSD so just live with it and treat it with meds and some counseling and some days just are hard. That's what I meant by it's just life too. Some things just are so dark and hard. I imagine you are a very empathetic person by nature and this stuff is crushing you but also see a lot of will to be creative and live with a voice to share so it's great to see. What is the plan on the women from Ukraine film if there is one?

[@TANIAfm]

@@fragilefleur Thank you, Amy. Sending you lots of love. That will be a play consistent of monologues of women about their experience of this war. We are done interviewing, and were working on cutting the 2 hour interviews to about 5 minutes. Currently, it's on hold because of the director's availability. But we spoke recently and hope to resume work this summer. It's a funny story how I met the director. We got into the elevator. She looked at me and asked, "Are you Ukrainian?" (She also took a class at my acting school.) I said, "yes." And she had to literally give me an elevator pitch to get me on board with this project. By the time we got to the 9th floor, I agreed. Later, it turned out that one of my teachers told her that there is a Ukrainian girl in their professional acting program. And seeing that I looked Eastern European, Joan asked me hoping that I was her.

[@fragilefleur]

@@TANIAfm what a story. So as I haven’t fully watched your background are you an actress, writer, or what is your employment to afford living in Manhattan and how amazing that this will be a live play. That you are working on editing two hour interviews into shorts has to be hard bc I’m sure much of the story is needed but to consolidate in a meaningful way would take someone like you who has experience firsthand as well as ability to know what can be cut. Do the people who have been interviewed know these will be edited down and will they have any way to say this is what they meant to say that’s important or is there a common theme beyond just the horror show of it all that you can pull from it such as resiliency or impact on future generations even via this link of a traumatized generation? I once tried to make a film (art film not a narrative) with some of one of my traumas and it was critiqued as “disjoint” lol. I stopped working on it bc I felt like I didn’t have the skills to express the feeling you have at the moment of a trauma when time slows down etc so I gave up. I don’t do art or film now due to disability but really enjoy hearing and seeing people doing things like this on any art form level. I would love to continue hearing about its progress and your process in video or if you want to msg me I’m cool with that also.

[@CONFINEDful]

"If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it. A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly"

[@lenajazuk4231]

Is your ex from Ukraine or he is an American?

[@TANIAfm]

Ukrainian

[@Zzsmuf]

It's his problem not yours 🫂🕉️