funny thing i could never live in a apartment and not having my own car 😂 i love having my own home and the privacy it comes with . i love having my car in my own garage where i can walk right in my garage and get in my suv to drive where ever i need to go . i have a lawn company who comes once a week to cut and trim the grass so i dont have to deal with that . i guess it is in all what we are use to .

Ps hour English is good. Don’t worry. Just keep on learning the words but you really seem to know most of it. Just learning probably slang and short cuts is harder. I learned some French and the only way k leaned fast was being forced to prescribe by everyday life. You are doing great. And a bicoastal agent would be ideal.

Entrance table is also called console table sometimes. Depends on size. You will have to do an unboxing as you get things and set them up. You look exhausted. Shopped til you dropped. Floor mat is a yoga mat or balance mat maybe. You are going to stand on spikes for what reason? lol. Sounds like you like shopping but online more than power shopping.

So happy you are feeling better. I also love chocolate, I’m diabetic so can’t eat much and it has to be dark chocolate (with almonds in it). 🫶

love this! you look so happy!

🤗🫂

Thanks for the mention! It’s my recovery gift to see you had a happy day! I’m living vicariously. ❤

Lets play tennis

How are you feeling?

Ps have fun and good luck tomorrow. I have surgery and I really hope you post about it so I can watch it from my hospital bed all loopy. Lol. Good luck and definitely enjoy this first of your career. I’m sure there will be many more but how exciting! I’m glad you feel well enough to recognize this epic moment in your life. Only you did it and only you can make this happen. You are stronger than you think!

Did you know there’s an indoor tennis court at grand central station that you can use.

Beautiful day it looks like for beautiful girl 🕉️🌈🙏

Lol you don’t have to. You will deal with high electric bill or getting new fridge. Sometimes the bill is worth it for one month but ultimately you have to yep. Yuck. I don’t envy you that task! I did a ton of preparation work and replaced the insane caregiver I got yesterday that made me feel so badly I was bottomed out last night and this am. I got someone new (again) and it’s not me! This agency is hiring doofuses or something. So I spent hours prepping medications, writing up my meds lists and what they want which is what I took and blah blah blah. Horrifically boring and stressful. Your shopping sounds fun but a little arduous . Your mom sounds so much like mine used to be! She could drag me shopping for ever and I like shopping but oh mah lord. It would become excruciating and then the meal or snack breaks would include the unsolicited advice haha. Anyways you are still standing and resembling your childhood self which is right on time after a couple days with your mommy. Lol I love my mom dearly and those visits were always stuffed full of activities. Especially when I was moving! You are doing well to not be in tears tonight with that plus the heat. Your mom is probably going to sleep for a week when she gets home. And yep your family is a gifting one for sure. Raisa’s family were the same and always sent home gifts when they went back to Ukraine and she shipped big boxes of things from here via a church that paid to have things shipped slow cargo mode there. I was so traumatized by my caregiver yesterday I told them I don’t want anybody here tomorrow and now I have a stack of work as a result. I still need to bathe my dog and make my bed with clean sheets and do all the last minute packing and prep for Ellie and a million fine details plus I have a big box of stuff coming from target tomorrow which I do not even want to deal with right now. I want to go hide someplace like you said and not have to do adulting. Plus I have to prep for last minute surgery stuff tomorrow like nursing staff calling me and pumping me full of info and stress and a pre-op double shower tomorrow night and again in the morning which is going to suck bc that’s when I hurt the most. I am ready for that anesthesia and kinda wish they’d keep me out for a week lol. Did you survive sleeping on the couch end? Lol And how long is your mom staying? Sending you some cooler weather wishes and hoping you can get into some air con which isn’t too much. Sounds like you are acclimated to the heat but not 100 degrees. Yuck. Hang in there. And curious what you end up getting on Amazon. I’ve been too busy to play with their sales. Wish they would offer reasonable prices more often than ones or twice a year.

Do you feel like you don’t want to do anything to this new place is because you’re holding on thinking that there is a possibility you and your husband may get back together? I’ve been in this same situation before and it all is so much and very overwhelming, it would literally make me physically sick. Heartbreak is a very very difficult thing to try and navigate it feels like it’s always going to feel so bad, but it doesn’t for some it doesn’t last long but for others it can take some time. Congrats on the position you got for the show 👏🏼👏🏼. Sending you a big hug from San Diego,Ca you’ll get through this and you’ll come out stronger I have faith in you!

Fantastic walk in Manhattan 💚

Yea! You deserve it. 🎉

maybe a fresh start in L.A. is what you need-you're young- you have time to go check it out. I live out here on the west coast and it's not perfect, but you're already used to living in a high cost city, so that part will feel normal for you. For sure you will not be able to use public transport here tho--it's not a walking city-100% need a car.

Congratulations! Great news!❤

❤

Thanks for showing your surroundings as you walked. I find it fascinating to see where people live. I was surprised at how quiet it seemed to be there - always thought NYC must be so noisy. No unsolicited advice from me Tanya - just to agree that maybe getting out of that apartment might be good for you. From memory I think I’ve heard you say that your ex pays / paid for it? That would definitely make me feel unmotivated like you seem to be. Finally - congrats on getting a part! That’s so cool!! 😊

Woohoooooo! Congratulations on your booking! I’m down for watching you on the red carpet! So sorry you had trouble with your mom. She doesn’t understand the pain and the freeze mode that happens with pain of grief. All the steps to change your life and upgrade are overwhelming when you have so many things going on. The dishwasher situation is a bummer. Can’t believe there’s only one that suits the under the sink. Blah. No one wants to deal with these adulting steps. My fill in caregiber today was so horrific. She was giving me so much unsolicited advice, telling me basically everything I do is wrong or bad and giving me all these ideas about how I should change my life. She was blaming my dog for all of my illness and I felt like saying yeah actually it’s people like her that are bullies and controlling jerks who make me feel so stressed and sick. I am so sorry you had to cope with your own unsolicited advice. It’s ok to deal with things at your own pace. You maybe not ready to take some of these steps but also it’s just the concept of taking steps away from marriage and a love you thought you had. It’s tragic and you are so allowed to feel some difficulty with moving on. Sending hugs over to you tonight. I got so overwhelmed after my caregiver left I just had dinner and went to bed. My friend who is my ex’s mom told me I should get thicker skin. If I thickened my skin to all the pain I would feel nothing so not the best advice. On a positive for same day, I got a lot done this morning. Hair is dyed back to dark brown (boring but the natural color I have had before I had gray). I got a ton of stuff ready and packed and went to a mini therapy session by phone and then this horrific human who is working as a caregiver of all things came here. I tried to be flexible and give her the benefit of the doubt but she was just directly gut punching me trying to be some kind of weird queen of control. I stopped asking her for things and told her she can go home early but she wanted to work out her hours and I was like omfg seriously I’m going to lose my shit before she leaves. I tried to busy myself but she kept yelling at my dog and telling me how I should throw everything away including pictures of my family haha. And she said she did this herself. I was like uh no. She then told me I should do a bunch of things to get her able to drive me to a hospital in one town over from me and it’s commonly used and on all the phone maps. I was like seriously? She then told me she will be coming into the hospital with me and I was like hell to the no and I will be dropped off at the building entrance and I’m good to go. She kept insisting and I said no they won’t let her come in with me anyways. Lol. She’s supposed to be picking me up and I texted her boss and asked her to find someone else for this whole situation. The boss is lame and won’t do her job and so I think I’m stuck with this lady for being the person who takes me and picks me up from the hospital. Talk about feeling like a loser tonight. I feel like I have no one and I’m stuck with the dregs of humanity to take me to have an operation that people usually have a loved one with them and taking them home and caring for them. I don’t have that now and it’s just gross feeling. I fully get how you feel tonight. It’s hard. I struggle with my family understanding also and have little falling outs and have had to learn to just stay away when I feel too triggered or have “thin skin” and am unable to take one more piece of advice or jokes that aren’t funny about my situation. I am so sorry you are feeling poorly tonight. I hope the appliance quest gets sorted out and you can make it work better for your needs. Also I’m not sure if you know the saying that “family is like bread, it gets stale after two days” lol. Deep breaths and running breaks or even a moment in the bathroom to center yourself so you don’t regret having issues with your mom. She’s probably just trying to help but right now you just aren’t up to revamping your entire life in one week. Do what you can and then suggest maybe you and her do something unrelated to your apartment if it’s just too much for you. I get that people feel that way with me also like why don’t you do this or that but that don’t get the full picture so they don’t get the meaning of changes and things like that. It’s sometimes just all you can do to get thru your day and celebrate and enjoy the fact that you got a cool booking. Sounds like just way too much happening in one week while processing heavy feelings and moving into your new place organizing it and so on. Blah. I don’t drink now but I’m calling a meeting for a glass of wine and some decompression of the recovering from marriage ladies. Sleep well and enjoy the red carpet dresses in your dreams. The nice quality ones not the gross up close ones. Lol. Xo

Fantastic ❤❤! Always proud of you

Not to be rude or anything have you ever thought about getting tested for autism or adhd

You look great 😻

Looking good the couch🙏🌅🌈

Ps. Which ikea sofa are you building?

Lol looks like your mom and you powered thru gray couch. I’ve slept on several air mattresses and woke up on the floor. Talk about making a bad start to the day. The fingers in the outlet for your hair cracked me up. I was same today with mine on top of my head so big I felt like Marge Simpson. Met the pet sitter and she’s set up and now surgery is getting real. I got my air con boxes and supplies put away (tetris), groceries delivered and freezer tetris, vacuumed and spent the mornjng battling nausea and pain so my Sunday sounds as sun as yours. For your books, How much space do you need for books? The space is all at a premium so you may have to pare down your books or maybe ceiling level long shelves on brackets with ceiling level library? They also sell book shelves that are like rotating towers which maybe you could get and put on wheels so it can be moved over for shooting self tapes. Is there going to be room under your bed? That’s my storage for out of season clothing but could be for books maybe. Not ideal but maybe books you don’t want to display but want to keep. You can get bed risers and lift your bed up a little and make some storage space under the bed. You can get drawers on wheels also for clothes or books or whatever needs to be stored. It’s so hard to make changes in a small space. You have to be willing to live in the mess while you do the changes or do it all at once and make yourself exhausted. Looks like you are making good progress though and I wish you zenned out and smart consumer decision making on the fridge and dishwasher. I hate hate that stuff too. So miserable. You will be glad when it’s all fresh and new but the process is excruciating lol. You can do this and make it happen. Here’s one for ya. Today is the last day I’m allowed to shave my legs. In 85 degree weather here that will be a sight but oh well. Still haven’t done my hair dye and don’t feel up to it tonight so oh well. I’m pushing the shave and hair to tomorrow am bc I’m soo tired from the stress of the past days. I’m starting to get super nervous about surgery. Took a needed nap today but still feeling horrible so getting jn bed and tuning out reality for today. You guys should have rented a two bed hotel for you and your mom so you could get a break from the air mattresses. Alas I also know we sometimes need breaks from each other. Lol Hang in there. You are doing all the hard stuff. High five to productive blah weekend.

Does your mom live in US?

Hugs and luck 💚💚

In all my years of renting I’ve never had to buy any appliances usually the landlord would do that, I guess unless the appliances are not old enough but you want to change it then maybe , but also with that we would have to get permission before we replaced anything. Unless things have changed, it would be great for you if your landlord would replace them for you so you’re not out of any money. By the way I’m glad to hear your audition went well and you feel good about it. Fingers crossed for you that you’ll get the part.

Costco will haul away your fridge I think if u order from there. And don’t buy a Samsung fridge. I think LG brand is supposed to be good. And maybe whirlpool for dishwasher is reliable brand wise. I’m very limited in knowledge but I do know those two things. Make sure also that they have pickup for return in case you get one that needs to be returned. And a warranty. Good to hear your audition went well. The cake and coffee looked incredible. I’m living vicariously. It’s been a junky food day here also. Not too to bad but ice cream and some Cheetos is gross. Soon enough I will be on water and popsicles and protein shakes lol. Your mom is so much like mine used to be when I was your age. She would come and flit around my house fixing things up and cleaning and organizing and I would be dead tired. lol. Each day she would have another project and I was just dragging along like a zombie. When we moved into our condo in the past she helped me unpack and organize my kitchen and went shopping for some decor and new sofa etc. the decisions are hard and fast and she’s just having fun helping her baby. Lol. You will sleep for a week when she goes home but for now take the help, chug some coffee and eat some protein so you don’t have a sugar crash. My mom always enjoyed going out to cafes like that one also! She loved a local French cafe and we had fun but oh my lord they have so much energy. Where they get it I don’t know but I think it is bc their lives are fairly mellow other than your mom having to worry about the war. She isn’t going thru so many changes as you are right now. Give yourself credit for how much you got done plus these new stressful auditions. Im so so proud of you for making it thru that and hope you get the job. If not something better is out there waiting for you. Good luck with fridge and dishwasher and building your other furniture. Sounds exhausting. You will be glad you did it though when done and while having help. Let the mom energy force you to move on this stuff. You can do it! And blisters, get some good padded socks and blister bandaids. I’m the same way. I have to wear thick padded socks and make sure your feet aren’t sliding inside of your shoes so there’s no friction to trash your skin. I had a little time learning about short hiking and had to learn to wear hiking boots. They sold these socks that go inside your big burly socks which were smooth nylon and thin.

What do you use to record your videos? A smartphone, camera, or laptop? And do you use any software to edit your videos.

Rock on 🎻😻

Good luck! Will Be Sending positive energy!

Break a leg! Congrats on the callback.

I hate setting up new stuff too. Tech or even small stuff. I got two new pillows for my tonsilectomy rest and they were vacuum sealed two in a zippered plastic bag thing. I had no clue how to pull them out. They wouldn’t come out so I was like wtf!!! I finally ripped the plastic zipper bag thing to get them out after wrestling with them with all four of my limbs. Lmao. Agree on boredom tolerance is a skill as well! It takes effort and creativity to do dopamine free activities. Spent today cooking homemade dog food and dog meatball treats, cleaning my kitchen and getting some things more organized or just put away, refilling bottles and finding what I need to buy right now bc I have to order groceries and household stuff tonight or tomorrow. Got a bunch of things done in the past 24 hours and finally figured out rides to and from the hospital. Got all of Ellie’s stuff ready other than typing up her instructions which is like you are saying just boring and needs attention and focus. Meeting the pet sitter Sunday afternoon and I hate meeting new people blindly so dreading that but I’m sure it’ll be fine. Then have to start cleaning other rooms, dye my gray out like the nurses will care, get fresh bedding out and ready, do some housework that my caregivers usually do and is causing me pain but also I have the freedom so I will take the pain today. I need to drag my garbage out and it’s heavy so have put it off and now it’s a heavy bag to drag down to my building dumpster, have fo get Ellie’s flea meds in my mailbox and a bunch of dumb little stuff that’s time consuming, painful or making me have to move things around to make things work. And still I have three boxes unpacked of photos my mom sent me when she moved into her memory care ward. I don’t know that I am up to dealing with them before surgery so might just stack them up in a corner til I can deal. It’s very emotionally heavy and I’m not up for that right before surgery. Just trying to clean up and put away things so my house is nicer and cleaning things to have them done and put away for visitors and new caregiver who starts Monday and iVe never met before. Very nervous about yhay also and have written a document for her to read about what to do and all but it’s needing editing also and I’m not feeling it so I think we will just muddle through until I recover from tonsils. Maybe. Maybe I will get it done at the last minute for her. I have a bunch of errands with her Tuesday and some cleaning work for her on Monday tho I think I’m going to end up doing it myself bc I want to start her in a fairly clean house. Ugh. But that’s what she’s hired for is to help relieve my pain and all. Alas I am making progress on a giant to do list and sounds like your mom there is helping you a lot also if even by moral support and another set of hands. So proud of you two for putting it up! Sending you and her a hardy congratulations and cheers for one big ugly task checked off your list as well as getting the new phone and also getting some responses to your audition tapes. I agree the more you put out there the more likely you will find somethings but sounds like it’s just boring busy work along with the pain of setting up lighting etc. can you set a corner of your apartment up with lights and leave them up and keep your typical makeup and things on a tray or table? I was watching someone doing big makeup for a week long project and she put out a towel first to catch all the makeup dust and things, has a vanity sized table and super well lit space to get ready. You need a small table or vanity if you can get one and light it well, set it up with the makeup you use and keep your self tapes organized online so you can pull from them if needed. Also maybe write the common things you add to the resumes and whatever you do to apply so you can just copy and paste that stuff so you don’t have to reinvent the wheel and do it from scratch each time. I’m sure you know all this but watching that one girl setting up her makeup station kade me more appreciate the job it takes to perform for people. Also is it possible to have some drops for behind you when you shoot so it’s like a dark cloth when it’s a dark character and white for basics etc? I don’t know how that all works but lighting and fill light and color bouncing off or shadow deepening things will defo punch up your tapes. Again you know this I’m sure but just thinking out loud. Anyways good job you and your mom!! Bed made and a nap and some things accomplished will feel so so good when she leaves so you can hunker down and work hard to find some cool jobs and make the money to elevate your life some. Wish my house had a guest room to I fire you to come visit here. I don’t even have a freaking car so it’s so hard to enjoy visitors but maybe one day we can meet and hang out and laugh at how crazy our lives were in 2024. You are going to be okay even after your mom leaves. Keep telling yourself this and get ready to have a little sadness but take that energy and dig in deeply to your work. Now you have a bed! Woohoo. I am waving some magic over it to be sure it only allows good deep restorative sleep and repels nightmares!! Give your mom my best regards and tell her I will be praying and advocating for peace for her and your father and all of the people in your country. Make sure you send back some treats for your dad also! Xoxo happy weekend!

The key to success is never know but the key to failure is trying to please everyone 🙏🌈

Awesome ❤

Congratulations on the callback! Have fun with your mom!❤. Do you get nervous on auditions or callbacks? I would be a wreck. : )

Tamushka it’s wonderful mum has arrived safely

When you coming to England?

ii love this

You crack me up. “Somebody really needs to sleep” lol. Yep you do. Go to bed and enjoy your mommy and tell her to her a carry on hand bag for her extra shopping. Lol. Love that she brought you some treats from home. So funny that you and she both are so alike. My mom and I used to be the same also. Even in her dementia we are still sharing similar thoughts and feelings. Go to bed and have fun with your mom. Oh for your shoulder you maybe will need to get to physical therapy and they can help you with the shoulder workout and build the muscles around it. Take your mom to some air conditioned shopping area and have fun meandering the shops and have a nice cool lunch and dinner out. Maybe one really nice dinner so you have a reason to dress up with her. And wooohoo for a callback!! I sent you a message but I fired my caregiver. Woohoo on this end also. Take care and rest and have some fun!!

I'm from the US, and the US can't survive without creating wars. The US lured Russia into this war.

Yes ive witnessed all of this. Every day more are fleeing their homes. What once was peace, is now blown up barren waste land. Poor babies and young children, maimed & killed for what?

I have that night and days difficulty also where nights are just easier and calmer and even I can be more creative or productive starting late afternoons. My body just doesn’t feel well in mornings also. I’ve mostly accepted it as a fact but one unfortunate thing is your whole circadian rhythym being off will also mess with your health. One of my doctors wants me to work on this circadian thing being upside down. She said to get up and get in the sun immediately so your body responds to the daytime and sun will trigger your body also. If you get up and it’s always dark and all, it also can do this. I am sensitive to bright light and loud noise etc from ptsd so it’s uncomfy but doing it in a gentle way does help. The first week or few weeks it’s kind of miserable but then you reset your body some. I also agreed with you saying you get nights to be in control and feel safe etc. I think it’s the time you can truly just free flow your mind and not need to meet a thousand other interrupting goals. I have been a night person for ages and it’s very hard to do things like morning appointments and function well in the morning. I also have more pain in the morning and all. But maybe my nights and days are just messed up and that’s triggering it also. I need to work on it but losing my nights feels like losing my freedom or my time to relax and breathe. I guess hopefully over time it just adjusts and you can do that activity of relax and breathe a little earlier or get up early and do it. I see people get up and run and work and function and am like huh?! How even do you do it? I know when I worked it was all fueled by coffee and a sense of intense fight to be up in the mornings and getting to work was brutal. Also internal manager is a good idea. I know if I can compartmentalize heavily I can use that natural internal manager to make goals and actually create priorities and meet them. It’s easy to say out loud but to do this stuff like mornings and driving yourself like a manager is hard. I would say we both are hard on ourselves and instead of managing with heavy hand to manage with more of a care based management method with gentle kindness to help reason with ourselves and go gently into the day so we don’t feel like the world and our internal manager is so harsh we can’t handle it and need a whole night to recover when the manager is off duty so to speak. It’s an interesting concept and I hadn’t thought of it before. I love watching your videos and find gems of wisdom in them as you are learning and growing also. I also know they growth isn’t linear so expecting perfect change results after trying some will lead you to be mad at yourself and feel like a failure. I think just gently trying your best is all we can keep doing and learn from things. That idea of a spiral where each time we revisit a hard thing we grow a little by experiencing it that my therapist taught really resonated. Like your marriage grief and just each time it flares heavy and hard, you learn just a little more about how to cope with it and grow through the repeated visits of that grief. That was the best way for me to accept those times being so difficult bc I knew each one was teaching me more about how I can cope with it the next time. I’m not sure if the whole spiral idea would apply to flipping days but maybe it has something to do with the grief of losing our free nights to relax and learning how to more freely live and think in the days giving ourselves time to relax and let our hair down during the day or earlier like you said you need three hours so are starting at six to wind down some. Oh the other thing is switch your phone and computer to night light mode bc the screen light will also keep your brain stimulated and believing it’s daytime. Get some blue light blocker glasses and use them starting at sundown and set your screens to go to night mode which will look sepia then and help your brain slowly chill out. I have a habit of reviewing my days at bedtime and trying to figure things out and it really is a time when we are supposed to wind down. I guess reviewing the day needs to happen earlier also. I just find it so much easier at night. It used to drive my ex crazy bc I was wanting to talk and discuss things that were important to me at that hour and she just wanted to go to sleep after working all day. We were on opposite schedules circadian wise and it took it’s toll also. That’s my more than two cents on this video lol. Hope your shoes did work out and now I have to see the best ones to see if your park Ave and plaza events and shoes worked out. Your life sounds so glam with all of these events.

🫂🏆

Sending you my comment in email

Oh honey, you are in the company of saints and today of all day's I cannot thank you enough for sharing this. Bless you in your healing. Love yourself.🙏🕊️🪶 Edit: Fetal Position is likely the phrase you meant. Hope you can find the energy to enjoy your mother's visit, miss mine deeply and wish I could have just one more meal with her.

E hugs 🤗