After Death | Getting rid of a loved ones belongings after death | Decluttering when someone dies

[@susygibson5673]

How to start...I am decluttering my own stuff first, then I do small sections of the items that belonged to my love. 1 ft x 1 ft.

[@MushyGlo]

I recently lost many of my family members in a span of two years, my grandfather from natural causes, we were expecting him to go so it was a little easier. My uncle passed away from drug related death, he was unexpected. These deaths were hard on my grandmother to lose her husband and son just months apart. Then my grandmother passed recently in January of this year from the worst kind of stroke, it was totally unexpected and then my aunt died just a month after her from a drug related death. I’ve been working to clean out my grandmother’s house but because my grandmother, grandfather and uncle all lived in the same house I’m also decluttering the others stuff. I’m finding it difficult to pack. I started by decluttering her closet, throwing away clothes and making donate bags, then I threw away the food in her pantry and refrigerator. I got all important papers for us to do succession and taxes and so forth which has not been a easy process. I still have no idea where to go from here. Im trying to look for a video with a list of things to focus on and just follow a checklist. Im just so lost and I’m the only one doing the cleaning because everyone else that’s left is in poor health. Im 18 and just trying my best.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Oh my word! That is an awful lot of responsibility for you. It sounds like you are doing great. I have a friend named Katrina who may be willing to give you some advice. Send me an e-mail at [e-mail] and I can put you in touch with her!

[@Nurturing2]

God bless you, sweetheart❣️ You are a very strong soul!!! 🙏😇💫

[@WendyBebee-ye7xo]

I’m glad you put out this video,I have lost my Dad,my Son ,my Grandson that I raised,and my new Husband passed after only being married 3 months all since 2020.I’m struggling and clinging to thier things.I needed your help.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I'm so sorry....that is so much loss! So quickly too! Please let me know how else I can help!

[@skittles2055]

💕💞💕

[@Godistheway4519]

Sorry for your losses I pray god help you through

[@joy.louise]

My grandmother passed away last month. I have been with her and living together closely with her all 27yrs of my life. We took care of each other. She was my best friend and companion. She had a horrific health battle leading up to her death due to findings of late stage colon cancer. I was with her 24/7 through it. She passed in her beautiful little bedroom. My home is mine but it was completely hers as well and I’ve never known a home that was absent of her beautiful presence. She was also sentimental and a collector of things and her beautiful handmade crafts and paintings are everywhere. It’s going to be a process for me. This has been so painful. But watching her suffer was worse. We’re Christian and I know the Lord will take care of me and that she’s no longer suffering. Just trying to figure out my new life alone and keeping some things while also making this place mine. There will be a lot for me to go through physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. I know most of us have to go through this though. And I’m sorry for your loss. Your understanding and video has been the best so far. Thank you 🙏🏻🤍✝️

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Hi Joy! Your grandmother doesn’t want you to suffer, I’m sure. This is a big transition for you with a lot of change. It will be difficult for sure but you can do it and I want to help. Will you come to my zoom on Friday to say hello? Send me an e-mail at [e-mail] and I’ll send you details!

[@donnawolfe9169]

Thank you for sharing your pain. Actually my heart hurt for you. It has not even been a year yet for my 3 losses. I still am having a hard time with reinvesting in my new reality. May our heavenly Father continue to bless you..:)

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Thank you Donna. You are experiencing a tremendous amount of change that you have to process and come to terms with. It takes time for your mind to accept. Be gentle with yourself.

[@CallMeNIBS]

Thank you so much for this video. You handled the important and so delicate topic with kindness and understanding. Grief is just another form of love and there's no use rushing it ♥️

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Well said!

[@mel375]

It's been 26 months now, I've gotten rid of a lot of his things. But, somethings are not going to go away bc they bring me comfort and strength to carry on. That's how it is. When I think I should let it all go, I feel so sad and miss him more. So, for now I'm just doing what feels right for me now. Thank you for this validation.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Yes! Look within and listen to what your heart tells you is right...for you. ❤️

[@maggieonsecurity]

Thank you for making this video. I really needed to see this. My Mama passed away 2 yrs and 7 months ago. My ex partner (and very best fried) for 1/3 of my life passed away two months after my mom passed. Over the years I have held onto items because I needed them around. Today, I am finding that there are some things I have that are not my personal style nor have attachments to, but the guilt of letting go of the clutter can be very overbearing. Today, I want to go through their stuff again and keep the items I know I want and let go of those items that are cluttering my home. This has been the most informative and caring video I’ve come across regarding decluttering sentimental items. I am so sorry for your loss and thank you very much for being so kind and transparent. God bless you! 💗💗💗💗

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Thank you so much for sharing! I spent this last weekend with my mom (my dad just died) and we are going through all their things because she is moving. It's an overwhelming task. Letting go isn't always just throwing away....I like to think of passing it on. For example, I kept a few of my dads clothes but we donated the rest to the American Legion to help veterans. Our loss can help others....it's like my dad is giving them the gift of warmth...

[@kathrynackley3460]

Only 2 months since my mom passed, haven't taken much out yet, I know I have to, have to get the house ready for sale, can't keep paying on an empty house, it's so hard right now seeing all the things you grew up with and having to get rid of most of it

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Sorry you have to do this! Find help if you can. Even having emotional support and company will make a difference. We did this at my mom’s house after my dad died. There are so many memories and so much stuff!

[@happyluv]

Dear Catherine...thank you for sharing your heart. There are a lot of grieving mom's out here, myself included.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

We can do this together.

[@obcl8569]

Thank you. Have no other words right now. Off to go face my mom's clothes. Little by little. Your words were really helpful, very much. Thank you again. Broken hearted, but with a clearer mind & purpose - with a lighter step. Edit: my mom passed February 2022. It's been short of 1.5 years. And it's taken every person in my life trying to help me even get started. I wasn't ready. I am much more ready. More ready, to start.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

How did it go?

[@kathypadilla561]

I looked this up on KZbin because it just marked a year of My Mom and My Husband's passing. I feel as though I am reliving the pain again and again. I have left my husband things alone. I keep feeling too much like I am going through his things. IDK I am stuck. I feel as though I am just waiting. Waiting is the biggest thing, They passed 11 days from each other just so sudden and I didn't get to be with them because I was so sick . When I started to feel better It was too late. So I am stuck I think I need to start packing some things up because the more time that goes by I am in more pain, because they're not coming back. They're not coming through that front door. I just can't separate my grief for one and not the other so I grieve the both when I see thier pictures and belonging it hurts me.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Hi Kathy, I can feel the pain in your words. Let’s find a time to talk to make a plan.

[@obcl8569]

I hope you two did talk. I hope good things for you both ❤

[@JayP-kd5rc]

Hi Catherine. I can feel your pain over losing your son. I'm so sorry. I like the urn very much. It's okay that you still keep it to keep him close to you. Different religions believe differently, but those are man made rules and beliefs. I'm sure our God understands, and if keeping him close is what comforts you than I'm sure He doesn't mind. He loves you and wants what is better for you. I'm Christian, and have a very strong faith in our Lord. If I didn't have that, then I probably would not be here. I lean on Him a lot. Don's ashes are in a nice wooden box on his night stand in our bedroom. I have added a small plaque in front of it, and occasionally will write him a note and place it on top of his box. There are a few other things there that he kept there before. I should scatter his ashes, but I feel better knowing he is close. Maybe someday, when I do go, we could be scattered together, somewhere peaceful and pretty. Somewhere woodsy where the birds sing. I started donating his clothes to a church thrift store, but then learned about a woman who works with the homeless, and knowing that Don would prefer that, I now bring his things to her. We liked helping the homeless even when he was still here, so I know he would like that. I still have quite a bit to donate, as I can just do so much before it gets to me and I need to take a break. Every now and then I will pull something out that he either wore often, or I really liked on him. I can still see him in it. And I put it aside to keep. Sometimes later on I can let it go. If not, I will just find room for it. It's hard to go through things and find things that I didn't know he had. Like when they upgraded my name tag at work with my picture on it, I tossed the old one out. Well I came across my picture from that very badge in one of his wallets. He had retrieved it and cut my picture out and kept it. I didn't know he had done that. He liked to keep my pic in his wallet. I thought that was very sweet, and it made me cry. He never told me. I still have many things around that I have to let go, but I'm doing it slowly. I have pictures of him around, and sometimes when I look at them I feel sad, but they also comfort me. I don't think they keep me stuck. He was so much a part of me, that it wouldn't be natural to not have things around. If it is something that it hurts to look at, then I put it away. Some get rid of everything or even move to a new place with no traces of the other person around. I could never do that. He will always be a big part of me. That's the way it is. He is deep in my heart. The love doesn't end when someone passes.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I love this so much. Thank you for your kindness. I love that you are doing things at the pace that works best for you. You are doing everything you can to keep his love with you. And I love that he kept your picture! That would make me cry for sure! ❤️

[@mangisty1007]

Thank you, this was really helpful and much needed🙏🏼❤

[@oaktreegirl]

Just wanted to send you love. You are a beautiful soul and sharing your experience and vulnerability in a bid to help others going through these painful journeys is a beautiful thing too. Blessings x

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Thank you so much!

[@thatone7793]

My mom died in May 2023. Of the stuff her boyfriend allowed me to have (legally it was all mine, but I didn't have the money for a lawyer), I ended up throwing most of it out. He let me have all the stuff my mother's cats peed on and broken stuff. Most of it wasn't worth trying to save, even for donation. I know when my grandmother dies, I'll have to fight my uncle about her things. He wants to sell or throw everything away. I will want to keep several things, including photo albums, a few of her wall art items, some furniture, and some things I gave her when I was little. Death brings the ugly out in people. I think that ugliness may be more painful than the loss of the loved one.

[@Bliss79831]

Beautiful video

[@vivhartley6003]

Bless your heart you are so kind and carering thinking of you from the boottom of my hart your baby is lovley bless him now in gods care you will be with him one day you will both be together xx❤❤❤❤❤

[@lorialva1156]

May God Bless you...

[@steveparker2938]

I took a different approach. My husband died 2 1/2 years ago after a 4 year struggle with COPD. We had been together for 21 years. The day following his funeral, I got rid of anything and everything in the house that reminded me of his disease. About 3 months later, I was ready to get rid of his clothes. He was 5'8" tall and quite fashionable so I gave all his clothing to our local children's home. Next came the "things". I made myself a memory box into which I only place those items that held a story or strong memory for me (his slippers, coffee cup, wallet, baseball cap, and some other items). At the 6 month point, I sold the house and moved and it was then I asked his kids to take those things my husband brought into our marriage (family items) that they wanted. Now for the last 2 years I have been decluttering the rest. This is not a slow process so don't rush it. I am now down to those things which remind me of him and hold a memory (but won't fit in my memory box). Things like the kitchen table we ate ate each day (I bought a new one months ago), his recliner (now in the family room in the basement which no one sits in) and some furniture he brought into our marriage which do not hold memories for his kids (they have already said they don't want it). What to do with it all??? Take a picture of it and then get rid of it!!! The memory it holds won't go away and the picture will just serve to refresh the memory.

[@Cassandra_Loveday]

Thank you for sharing your grief.

[@suedavis4017]

I am in the place you are speaking about today. My husband passed 5 months ago. I have removed some of his clothes but not everything yet. He was a model builder and there are models in his office that I don’t know what to do with but can’t just throw them away. I see them every day and I will try what you have suggested and move them out to see if that helps me. Thank you.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Are there other people in the family who would appreciate them? What about donating them for use as decoration, depending on what they are? Maybe keep a couple of his favorites…?

[@jennifershort3104]

My sister and I are going through my mother's stuff little by little. I have a block with the room she died in so the hospital bed, rolling walker and wheelchair are in that room so I don't see them unless I visit that room. My sister found a place that would take gently used medical equipment so they got the tub chair, tub bench and manual walker. We are donating most of her clothes. A few things have the tags and /or are higher end so we're holding them for now. On another note I have things from my dad's apartment in the garage that I still have to sort out because I wasn't able to while caring for Mom. Those will have to be evaluated and distributed as needed. I have a manilla envelope full of letters he wrote to one or the other of us that I couldn't bare to go through because of some of what I read to determine who it concerned. I'm in pretty deep. Just taking it a day at a time.

[@salishamohammed6741]

I lost my son almost 3 months ago. He would have been 15. He was differently abled so I have his stroller and playmat and alot of clothes to give away and it hurts. Thank you for this video God bless.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I'm so sorry you have to do this! Would giving it to someone in need, help make it a little easier?

[@salishamohammed6741]

@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty yes I am, I'm giving them to a child that has a disability alot like he did. I know the things I wanna keep.

[@helenafagerstrom8970]

My mother is a hoarder. Being brought up in such an atmosphere, I have become sort of "allergic" to materialism. I save and organize photos, that's it.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Thank you for the share! That makes complete sense to me! You should always do what’s best for you. ❤️

[@randomhodgepodge8902]

In my situation, I feel like I don't have much of a choice other than to go through things sooner than what I'm comfortable with. Have to extreme downsize my home because I can't afford it. Have given myself about a year and just hoping that isn't stretching it too far. Happy we have rented for so many years so I don't have the worry of selling. Currently racing the weather clock. Trying to get the garage done or at least down to a very dull roar before the heat drives me back inside. Garage is a mix of garage type stuff and his personal. I am very much against Shrines. Especially the kind that are super obvious and in your face. My youngest step-son had a fatal car accident with his girlfriend. It was an accident but he held the blame to the point where less than a year later, he suicided. He had small Shrine in the living room. The kind where you do candles, fresh fruit and incense every day. Could not enter or exit the apartment without seeing her Shrine. I firmly believe it was a tremendous hinderance as it was a daily reminder. Multiple hours of the day. Prolonged heart shredding agony. So I learned. My husband's ashes are in my bedroom, giving me comfort for now. But I know at some point I'll have to make a decision. Spread them, give them to another of his family members, or just put them in a closet so I'm not as aware. There are no right or wrong answers regarding the grief process and when to let go of something. Thank you for the video. Helpful!

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

From what you wrote here, you sound like you have a good handle on where you are at. You can do this even though you don't want to! I'm here to help!

[@shotgunacemunda4987]

Nice vlog Cathy! I am originally from India and feel the same to declutter as it is believed that the DNA lingers around the clothes of the person who has departed. Per Sadhguru in order to free the spirit completely we should get rid of all the belongings. Love hearing different views since I lost my father not to long ago, and still have some of his things around that I am planning to declutter.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I don’t agree with getting rid of everything….keep what you need to feel close and let the rest go. It’s about why you are holding on that’s most important.

[@vickileahy764]

I recently saw a video from sadhguru and wow it struck me and I’m able to see my father’s things differently!!! I can now freely release his things with keeping a minimum for myself.

[@mel375]

I'm not from India. But, I understand the belief in freeing up the deceased one's spiritual journey home by getting rid of their things and, to not carry over old karma. This is hard to do bc their things are physical reminders that they were here with us. But, it's what we carry internally that is more difficult to let go. Our memories trigger emotional ties that connect us to them, long after they're gone. Does getting rid of their stuff also get rid of our memories and close ties we still feel with them? No. Love remains. It doesn't go away bc we can't see or touch their things. Still, I believe it is kinder to let it all go when one is ready to do so. When there is less resistance and more acceptance in the reality of their physical absence. That is freeing for both the deceased and the one left behind.

[@mel375]

P.S. BTW, grieving is also a kind of process of weaning oneself from one's desires for the loved one bc of loss. But, at the same time, also try to avoid destroying all that is precious while clearing away the past (their things).

[@happyluv]

I think we need to be careful about listening to gurus and religious leaders. We all have our own inner guide to help us make decisions. Sometimes we need to have our loved ones things near us...at least for a while. It can be very healing as we go through the initial shock and acceptance of losing someone....especially a child. Trust your inner compass and ask for help. Find a quiet space and let your thoughts meditate on what you need help with. No one can do this for you, only you know what is best for you. Some people are just wired differently and need to clean up everything as soon as possible, others might take years before they can let things go...maybe never. We are all so unique and each one of us has a different story and abilities. With respect to Sadguru...he doesn't have all the answers, nor does the church...nor do I! We can only do our best and if we make mistakes...then we learn from that. Losing a child is devastating. You don't recover from that, but you do your best and try to live a good life in honor of their memory. 💔

[@judypine7467]

My husband passed 10 years ago. I got rid of most clothes almost immediately and some more since then. I just made a snake out of one of his tie’s for my great grandson’s birthday.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

That’s a great idea with the tie! I hope your great grandson loves it!!!

[@paulwl3159]

sorry the sound is very poor I cannot hear

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

So sorry. i’ll try to redo it!