Age Gap vs Grooming RANT | AmandaMuse

Age Gap vs Grooming RANT | AmandaMuse
There is a massive difference. Let's talk.
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#rant #agegap #amandamuse

[@shadowslash932]

The problem with overusing words like grooming, gaslighting, triggered and trauma. Is that the words become diluted and when words start to mean everything they start to mean nothing as well and it makes it much harder to have conversations and help people who actually are victims of grooming.

[@AmandaMuse]

Very true.

[@nickj9112]

It's sad that people compare age gap couples to situation like pedophilia and grooming. It's strange but as adults it's less of the age gap and more of the mature gap and trust

[@allih0527]

Young people always tend towards black & white thinking. I think it's great that this new generation of people are so quick to call out inequalities and injustices, but these issues are not black & white. It takes experience and years to learn this. Thanks for making this! Been following you since Malaysia. 😁

[@AmandaMuse]

So very true! Question things, but educate yourself along the way.

[@AlexT-ne6ji]

Ive seen a shift on social media (from mainly Americans) that regardless of being 21, a woman in an age gap relationship still cannot consent. That she’ll look back at that relationship and see how she was misguided/ groomed. There are women on TikTok recounting their experiences of abuse in these situations but there’s no room for nuance... you just get a quick story about abuse and then you’re onto a puppy video 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@AmandaMuse]

Interesting perspective, especially the part about their not being room for nuance. It's so true!

[@d4mterro320]

By that logic. You should imprispn every single employer that gave u a job when u were 18 and kicked out of your parents house because now ure 50 and you can ACTUALLY consent. Is this a woman thing where you are just really stupid if u aint being checked by men? Rofl

[@monolith9832]

What’s going on is that liberals have become obsessed with content creators that catch pedophiles and now they’ve started a pedophile witch-hunt on the internet. They see all men has being pedophiles. Also, now any man that dates a younger adult woman is a pedophile too. It really doesn’t make sense. I would just ignore people like that because they have the victim mindset so they’re not worth anyone’s time. I’m in my 30s now, but when I was in my late teens I was huge liberal. What happened was that as I grew older and started having children and working I realized that liberalism was trash and I became more conservative. Liberals believe in the victim mindset and making yourself out to be a victim doesn’t solve your problems, it makes your problems worse.

[@NomNomFairy]

Thank you so much for this video! I met my now hubby when I was 18 and he was 13 years older than me. We both played music and not ONCE did he try to get with me or flirt with me. A year later I started approaching him and he was really skeptical as I was so much younger than him, even though he liked me (something I did not know until I literally asked). So when I was 19 and at this point had traveled, worked, payed my own rent, food bills and honestly not really looking for a partner.. we started dating. And 7 years later we are still happy together, have a child together and look forward to spend our lifes together. I agree with you so so much! Never has he used my age against me, never has he been abusive, he has respected my opinions (and I have strong ones!) and he lets me figure out myself and life and what I like. He has encouraged me and my interests all the way and he is a great partner and father. Not all relationships are crap or abusive, even with age gaps.

[@AmandaMuse]

Exactly this! I was the one putting the moves on my man too. Love to hear this happy story!

[@leenas7011]

Psychiatrist here. This is true for so many "cool" mental health words like narcissist, trauma, triggered. Even the words "taking care of my mental health" implies you are mentally ill. Depression, anxiety, anger etc. So many normal emotions are pathologied now. And because of that patients are looking to pills rather than working through their normal emotions. This is much more common in the under 30 population.

[@lovinglife439]

I met my husband 25 years ago. I was 22 and he was 38. It was absolute love at first sight. We both had great careers at the time and were very independent (still are), but we knew we didn't want to be without one another. Fast forward to today, we are best friends, lovers, soulmates, etc. He is the yin to my yang and vice versa. We also share an amazing son who is now in college. Had I passed on my husband simply because I was hung up on an age gap, I would have missed out on the best 25 years of my life!!! 🥰🥰🥰

[@AmandaMuse]

EXACTLY! Love to hear this.

[@monolith9832]

@@AmandaMuse When I was in college I knew a 19 year old guy that was in a relationship with a 40 year old woman. I didn’t think that there was anything wrong with his relationship.

[@monolith9832]

@@AmandaMuse The young liberal crowd on the internet are obsessed with pedophilia because of how popular predator catching channels have become, and I find their obsession with that content to be disturbing. What they’re trying to do is draw a connection between men that are caught trying to meet little girls at a park and men that date younger adult women. It’s not the same thing and it’s sad that they think that way. That crowd also seem to turn a blind eye toward older women that date younger men so it’s only wrong when men do it.

[@ariandmary]

I have an age gap with 26 years dividing me and my amazing boyfriend. We met when I was 25 and him 51. Going strong for 5 years now. I dont take kindly to random people assuming I was preyed upon because I actually fell madly for him first and told him so. I'm infantilized even at 30 now by some people. Oh well, it's no matter because we're in love and have a healthy relationship. We started a channel about it. :)

[@cinnamoslut]

My boyfriend and I have the same age gap (26 years). I won't go into our whole story here for privacy reasons... I'm now 29 and he is 55. We are so in love; were best friends first and fell for each other in the sweetest way. I adore him and I know he adores me too in the way he treats me, the way he looks at me, all he's done for me, etc. The negative judgment SUCKS! I am used to being judged unfairly though, have always been the 'weirdo' lol pretty much my whole life. It doesn't bother me, only if it's from people who matter (family, friends, etc.) then it would but I haven't had anyone say anything terrible to my face yet lol. Happy for you and your man, I will check out your channel

[@sterlingforbes3872]

As someone in an large age gap relationship, THANK YOU for making this video. Sincerely appreciate you being a voice for many of us!

[@monolith9832]

The young liberal crowd on the internet are obsessed with pedophilia because of how popular predator catching channels have become, and I find their obsession with that content to be disturbing. What they’re trying to do is draw a connection between men that are caught trying to meet little girls at a park and men that date younger adult women. It’s not the same thing and it’s sad that they think that way. That crowd also seem to turn a blind eye toward older women that date younger men so it’s only wrong when men do it.

[@oliviapo4082]

My boyfriend is 21 years older than me. I get the same worries and accusations that he is “grooming” or “exploiting” me (even though I’m an adult in my mid 20s). But when you meet him in person and see us together, you can see how much we actually have in common with each other. We both have the same interests, same goals for life, and similar attitudes. I think I have an “old soul” in me that compliments well with his more “youthful energy”. Never once have I felt exploited by him. We truly feel like equals and we both love each other so much. This is the most wonderful relationship I’ve ever been in and it’s taught me not to judge a person by their age.

[@gwydionskinner7639]

Grooming has nothing to do with age - it has everything to do with intention and manipulation. Not all sex offenders groom, not all groomers sexually offend. Grooming is a specific behaviour that can be done in a range of contexts from bosses, to peers trying to influence other peers.

[@Kille483]

I see many younger people online even being against an 19 year old dating a 22 year old… Why? Well, one of them just started college and the other one is about to finish it… 🙄🤦🏼‍♀️

[@monolith9832]

The young liberal crowd on the internet are obsessed with pedophilia because of how popular predator catching channels have become, and I find their obsession with that content to be disturbing. What they’re trying to do is draw a connection between men that are caught trying to meet little girls at a park and men that date younger adult women. It’s not the same thing and it’s sad that they think that way. That crowd also seem to turn a blind eye toward older women that date younger men so it’s only wrong when men do it.

[@monolith9832]

The young people on the internet that are obsessed with pedos need to get off the internet and go touch grass. The problem with obsessing over that content is that you’re putting all of that sick stuff into your head and it might make someone that wasn’t into pedophilia all of a sudden become interested in it. It’s best to avoid that content until the internet gets tired of it. That’s how I see it. If I was the owner of this channel I would filter out those negative comments until they get the hint that she doesn’t care and then they’ll go bother someone else.

[@Dennis-nc3vw]

Wow, that's so unbelievably horrible! How will they ever recover from dating someone who's in a different stage of college!

[@NoName-zb1gm]

I met a girl at work who is 20 or 21. I'm in my 50's. I did not plan for this to happen. We met at work. She is adorable and so sweet and kind and mature. I think she might like me in a romantic way. I admit I like her in a romantic way--not sexual. So I am afraid day and night about how to handle this situation. I want to be aware of her age and emotional maturity when it comes to love and feelings and relationships.

[@robertcarpenter3020]

The reason it’s young people is because they have been told that every relationship is based on power and the balance of power. When life is viewed through this lens everyone is seen as a victim or an abuser.

[@Leitis_Fella]

Healthy age gap relationships certainly do exist. The problem is that people who DO seek a controlling relationship will often deliberately choose someone much younger than them. I advise young adults to remain wary, but not see it as an absolute.

[@joeshmoe8952]

If two adults are in a healthy relationship together & everything is good, let them be. You need to worry about your own life & not someone else's life.

[@aliezahjuarez1212]

Thank you it's like when people talk shit especially the new gen z who are flunking their education as usual and failing their parents what's best for em. And that needs to change and the new gen need to mind their own business

[@joeshmoe8952]

@@aliezahjuarez1212 I'm 40 so I come from a generation that can appreciate privacy & the peace that comes from it. The newer generation of people have this need to put all their business on social media or be up all in everyone else's business. It's like being nosey & chismoso is the new norm.

[@ThePsychLife]

I just discovered your channel about a week or so ago while looking for age-gap relationship positivity! I just entered a relationship with a 13-year age gap with someone I have been friends with for a year and we met in college. Since we go to an adult learners centered college everyone is usually older than the average student age. Lots of love to you, Dean, and your family! 😊

[@AmandaMuse]

Best of luck to you! Thanks for sharing.

[@kokkinomalli]

I'm in a happy and committed relationship with a very big age gap. I'm 28, my partner is 52. We've been together just shy of four years now and it's the most respectful, healthiest relationship I've ever been in. I understand why people are skeptical at first, but I feel like it's really patronising when they don't listen to me when I say "actually we're ok." And outright offensive when there's an implication that he'd only be interested in me because I'm "young and attractive." Like no, he's interested in me because we share interests, values, and goals... 🙄

[@AmandaMuse]

All of this and also, yea we find each other attractive, right? Don’t people in their relationships too? But it’s not just one way. I totally hear you on this!

[@user-du4gw]

HAHAHAHAA U ARE SO IN DENIAL I CANT✋️✋️✋️

[@EmilyRose-lu2gs]

​@user-du4gw who's this twat?

[@F0rsythi4]

I was groomed when I was 14-15. took a year to actually realize I was groomed and that I am very lucky to be here. I started dating again. Im turning 20 this year, my boyfriend is 30. We have a great relationship. He’s communicating and is patient, understands my boundaries. makes sure I’m comfortable. I feel like I’m looking for problems. There’s some baggage he carried with him but he never makes me feel like I have to be involved.

[@anjw1483]

Hey! I’m literally in the same situation- I’ve been dating my long distance BF now for 5 months. I’m 20 and he’s 30 and I’ve never met someone who’s made me feel so cared about and loved before. I will say there’s a lot of stigma around the age gap and I’m always afraid about what people will think/say when they find out because I don’t want to hear mean things even though it comes out of a place of concern for me. It just hurts when people assume the worst. Have you had any issues with this?

[@tierk4328]

@@anjw1483 But would you, at 30, date a 20-year-old? I'm 23 and even dating a 18 year old sends chills up my fucking spine. If your boyfriend is 30 and dating 20-year-olds you have to ask him why because more times than not the reason is a really really bad one. Idk, maybe you'll realise with age when you're eventually 30 that dating 20-year-olds is fucking weird.

[@lottiecaldwell8627]

Oh, this one! 😂 I'm 25 years older than my husband. When we met he was 24 and I was 48. We are so happy and have been living our best life for 11 years now. Our friends and family accepted us immediately, despite him being 2 years younger than my daughter and me being the same age as his mum. But, man, if I ever go public on social media, you would think I tied down and drugged an underage kid. And for the record, he was the one who chased me...relentlessly! We keep saying we'll do a YT channel one day, maybe we will.

[@AdBaill]

Thank you so much for this video! I’m from Quebec also and have a 23 years age gap relationship. I’m 24 and he is 47, I have never been with someone who respect me that much and makes me feel capable of anything like he does. It’s been two years now, lots of up and down with the people around us but it is getting better ❤

[@cutestpurplelover1]

Thanks for making this video. I’m in an age gap relationship and after a very happy 2 years together and no end in sight, it’s nice to see a video about couples like us that aren’t villanized.

[@sionnalynch9543]

Bless you for this video, I’m also in an age gap relationship and so frickin tired of the intentional obtuseness of this discourse lately

[@certearreathygesen]

Thank you. My husband and i have a 24 year age gap and i always try to find positive channels on age gap but th comments are so horrible. I feel at home on this channel and seeing other couples with big age gaps. Our marriage just works and our families love each other. Its like a puzzle we just fit together

[@aliciagroth9406]

I think I first started following you when your second was a toddler and I was just having my first baby. I never even thought any thing of the age gap you mentioned. I just wonder if the trolls haven’t seen much of the world. There are tons of beautiful couples with varying ages out there!

[@AmandaMuse]

I have a feeling that's part of it. Folks hear one story about grooming and assume we're all in the same boat!

[@pieniapila8229]

honestly thank you for this video. I recently found myself falling for a friend, who is also 9years older. And im allready gettin bit of backlash from some family members. So thank you, I think I just needed hear someone say that it really can work out, even if others are skeptic

[@corriescrivener1937]

saying the brain is developed by 25 is a very dangerous assumption cuz people mentally grow at different speeds . I'm in my thirties I find it easier to talk to people 18 to 25 . luckily my family have always been pro-age gap they told me as long as im following the law i can date as old as i want or as young as i want

[@marcellasanchez497]

Exactly why do people think that everyone at a certain age has the same maturity

[@corriescrivener1937]

@@marcellasanchez497 it's because there immature themselves 🤣🤣

[@levismirnoff5450]

The law represents what we within our respective societies agreed upon. It is that simple. If these twitter people do not like that fine that is their good right but the moment someone attacks you for it consider your legal options Corrie. It is that simple. Maybe it is time their employers are signaled what these people are doing online, calling people pedophiles at times for perfectly normal age gaps such as 20 and 29. There is no reason why radical leftist should get away with this. In my home country about 10-20% of the people have age gaps these people are not tolerant to. Do said employers really want their brand to be associated with that?

[@joeshmoe8952]

People who use the 25 is the age you can date people older than you are the same people who were leaving negative comments on this woman's picture.

[@corriescrivener1937]

@@joeshmoe8952 basically yes . date who u want over the legal age thats where i stand

[@parabiology1014]

I’ve been a subscriber since I first saw that age gap video about three years ago. That video was what caused me to become a subscriber. You seemed very happy with your spouse and marriage, and it helped (among many other factors) to inspire me to pursue a relationship with a younger Filipina that I had met (26 year age gap). Now we are engaged, and I’ve been the happiest I’ve ever been with a woman. She is amazing and our relationship has been great! She is more mature in the relationship, and has a better attitude than anyone I’ve ever met before. We’ll be trying for our first child this next year! Thank you for being a positive role model and well… A MUSE, lol 😂

[@AmandaMuse]

Wishing you both all the best!

[@Pupflo]

thanks for making this, my fiancé and I have a 9 year age gap.. and people b judging left and right.. what matters is our happiness. And you reminded me I don’t have to let people control my emotions :)

[@Kindercrafty]

I’m older than my husband 😮 But people often think I’m much younger 😊 Also, the prefrontal cortex is not fully mature until the age of 25. This explains why we all make lots of mistakes during our teens and early 20’s. And…loving your haircut and color…you look gorgeous!!

[@20568701]

Such a nice video this one! Thank you!

[@Dominic-he7sg]

Thank you for this video, Amanda! I needed this. I agree, people are overusing the trigger words with significant heavy weight (grooming, creepy, abuse, gaslighting, manipulation, ect.) to a point where they become received with a raised eyebrow. Which is not good, as their ACTUAL meaning should be alarming, important, and appropriately addressed. I was recently in a relationship with someone 20 years older, and it was the best relationship I had. In my family, I have an example of 25 and 40 getting together, and still being together 20 years later, as well as 20 and 27 getting married, and lasting for a lifetime. If someone is old enough to be considered an adult in all other areas in life (owning properties, having a full-time job, working in a dangerous field (soldier, cop, firefighter) and risking their lives, ect.), I see no reason of why they shouldn't pick their own partner. As long as it's consenting adults involved, and as long as their dynamic is full of equality and respect, I think we should respect people's individual choices. I am firmly against teachers dating students (even former students) or bosses dating employees who are much younger, because then the power dynamics really gets skewed. But if there are no other red flags, adults who are 20+ should have the right to make their own choices.

[@AmandaMuse]

I agree! It's when the power dynamic is off that concerns should be addressed. Thanks for sharing.

[@WanderingFreeTV]

These trolls clearly haven't been watching your channel and have no idea of you and Deans dynamic! 🙄 "grooming" ha!!! Yeah right! Amanda bites back 👊

[@AmandaMuse]

Exactly!! I'm far too independent for that nonsense ;)

[@Milly_in_denmark]

People just have pain about things that don’t concern them. And it won’t change unfortunately. So enjoy your happy life and forget about them. 😍

[@AxlPatrol]

This gave me so much hope.

[@v1nc3nt_v3ga]

Having recently married a lady younger than myself, the biggest issues we faced are the "social" ones over the years of knowing each other.

[@monolith9832]

The young liberal crowd on the internet are obsessed with pedophilia because of how popular predator catching channels have become, and I find their obsession with that content to be disturbing. What they’re trying to do is draw a connection between men that are caught trying to meet little girls at a park and men that date younger adult women. It’s not the same thing and it’s sad that they think that way. That crowd also seem to turn a blind eye toward older women that date younger men so it’s only wrong when men do it.

[@monolith9832]

Just ignore the haters man. They’re all a bunch of dumbs kids so I wouldn’t care about their opinions on your relationship. They don’t know anything about life and they spend too much time on the internet. They need to get off the internet and go touch grass.

[@Dennis-nc3vw]

There's no other situation where we think someone has Jedi mind control powers over someone else just by being older. Either you're old enough to know what you're doing or you're not. When a 16 year old commits a crime, we don't look at the age of their accomplice and decide whether to try them as adults or children based on that. Besides, younger people, especially teenagers, are hard headed, stubborn, self-centered, quick to get aggressive, and lack a respect for authority or older people. They're the last person any guy would date if they wanted a meek little puppet.

[@fivebyfivewhat]

It's just continued oversimplification and an inability to imagine others and their lives complexly. Also 'groomer' is now a word of the day whether you're in an age gap marriage or an LGBT inclusive educator. Sorry you're caught up in it!

[@AmandaMuse]

Really? I had no idea how prevalent this whole grooming topic was until recently. Damn.

[@DX-d]

Don’t include mental illness with this.

[@williamgay3]

You are so on! Thank you, great points!

[@AmandaMuse]

Thanks for watching.

[@williamgay3]

@@AmandaMuse I’ve been following you for years and I’m grateful for the contents you create… Thank you

[@j_s552]

I don’t care much about what others do, but I care about what I do. I use to have that narrow mind until recently. I met a man who is 15 years older than me, I’ll be 26 soon and I just never felt that way towards someone. I sorta gave up on dating, especially people around my generation since our values aren’t similar. I’m here off of curiosity because if I were to ever be in a similar senecio, I would only want us to be comfortable. It truly opened my mind and perspective. Love can come in all shapes and forms. I also learned, you never know what someone else is experiencing until you’ve gone through it

[@twinzzzzyyyy]

I was 21 and he was 32 💜 we live passionate pedagogy by bell hooks

[@hanuneahmed807]

I always worried about our age gal whenever we fight or feel uncomfortable on somethings . I have been married since I was 18 for 8 years while my husband was 28. I worried my peers will tease me but we don’t really look that we have this gap. Even just now I was searching about age gap and wanted to know what grooming is and your video popped up. You are so sweet and make to feel privileged and count my blessings.

[@DX-d]

10 year age gap isn’t significant.

[@elisagal2227]

Well said Amanda!!

[@AmandaMuse]

Thank you!

[@imagomonkei]

I'm glad you made this video. I'm a guy, 33, and I've known a girl, 22, for about 1½ years. I like her and I think we have a lot of similar interests, but I haven't tried to ask her out yet because the age gap intimidates me. I have no untowards intentions, but I still care about her perception and how her friends and family would react if we dated. I don't know, maybe I just shouldn't. I'd be shocked if she is aware of my interest or if she feels the same way.

[@Braininthemorgue]

Great points! Also you are so pretty!

[@MissSuzieQLovesYou]

I first heard of the term groomer a few years ago while taking child safety classes in order to work in close proximity to minors, so I don't see it as a buzz word but as something I'm aware of as a parent and working with children in general. I think it's odd to put that term automatically with an age gap relationship. But the part about your brain not being developed until 25 is kinda true- your prefrontal cortex doesn't fully develop until around age 25, which controls your critical thinking, behavior, emotions... With more life experience brings more perspective in life, so hopefully those commenters realize they have no idea what they're talking about. Love, an American not on TikTok who got married at 22 😊

[@AmandaMuse]

It's so true!

[@samtron5000]

I saw a post on Reddit where a 16 year old was asking if he was a pedophile and grooming because he’s dating someone who is 14 1/2! 1/2!!!! Hahahah gen z is sooo weird

[@AmandaMuse]

Whoa, that’s wild!

[@Dennis-nc3vw]

It's actually a valid question if you think about it rationally. If a 16 year old dating a 14.5 year old isn't a pedophile, but an adult dating a 14.5 year old is, that means pedophilia is about age gaps. If pedophilia is about age gaps, that means it's perfectly normal for two 7 year olds to be sexually active with each other, because there's no age gap. But I pray to God you don't think it is. Pedophilia is sexual attraction to prepubescent children. It's that simple. Not innocent crushes, but physical, carnal attraction. The sooner people accept that the sooner the world will make sense.

[@munly8]

Yours and deans relationship is just a big GREEN flag ❤

[@AmandaMuse]

Thank you!

[@Lafilledlapluie]

They are going to have a very hard time when they are the older people with 21 year old coworkers

[@ThatWomanNatasha]

Girrrlllll we need to chat one day. I've been with my guy for 15 years(20 in total). We're 31 years apart, with alot of outer differences that really mess with on lookers. One day....

[@AmandaMuse]

Right? :) Thanks for sharing!

[@Jeanniebugg]

My second husband was 15 years older than me. We met when I was 19. We were together for 10 years - sadly ended up divorcing. *shrug*

[@deeb8733]

A good conversation. I think a lot of young women are very tired of immature men.

[@josedess8823]

As long as theirs true love age doesn’t count love means respecting each other and caring about each other. Love is a connection between two people. Thanks. 👍👍👍👍

[@AmandaMuse]

Well said!

[@ritalee5706]

Both of you are funny, personality seems match 👍🏻 my husband and my personality is so opposite, not always on same page, but I still love him, not sure about him tho lol Doesn’t matter, life is short!

[@LunaticReason]

Age gap problem has always bewildered me. Is the problem the age difference, the power dynamic, or accepting the transition from seeing a person as a child to a sexual adult? If two people with an age gap where isolated on an island should the elder of the two be forced into solitude because society has a problem with age gaps? or would it be ok for them to pursue a relationship once the younger is of adult mind and body? Is it grooming or is it just two people developing a relationship?

[@Dennis-nc3vw]

It's a way for people who say "love is love" to vilify a relationship for being gross without admitting they're hypocrites. They cry about "power dynamics", but how many times have you heard a story like this? A 15 year old girl is raised in a conservative Christian household, then she goes on tumblr, meets other teens, is a polygendered Marxist feminist within two weeks? How does that happen if adults have magical mind control powers over teens? How does that work if teens aren't vulnerable to manipulation by their peers? It doesn't.

[@jessicabrand8758]

I'm 40 and my boyfriend is 17years older then me and I still get this! 😅I'm properly a grown up lol and I actually chased him 😂 love is love

[@lisarolo4250]

Family is family people are people don’t need to dissect everyone and everything. Also, do you have any candles left on the site.

[@AmandaMuse]

So true. Yes, we're pausing the site this season but it will be back and running in a few months with the next launch!

[@jodiecatlin3790]

If bullies are told to pick on someone their own size then skeezbag men should pick someone their own age

[@user-yy8ff1wv8w]

The older you get the less that matters literally . Some people don’t know how to take breaks or focus on other things that they shoot that low 24/7 which I’ll never understand personally because I always lived by half my age plus seven and only dated the lowest age at 26 but I won’t call it for what it’s not from the outside looking in with another person as if it affects my life like a loser either. People who overuse grooming are virtue signalling and lying when they say anybody can be groomed as if they’re a 9 year old being offered a free Batman toy for a kiss on the cheek or something John Gacy would do.

[@julkaxvx1]

Can I also have a little rant here, in the comment section? So, I will be 22 years old the next month, and my boyfriend is 32 yo next month. We've known each other for a little over a year now, but our one-year anniversary will be on August 29th. He was very cautious about getting into a relationship with me due to our age gap. We weren't even looking for a relationship back then, I was planning a two-month vacation and after this moving to a different city, so I really didn't want to get attached to anyone new. We were just looking for a hiking buddy. My vacation plan didn't work out, so we've had a little bit more time for each other. After 3 months of dating, I was the one to kiss him first (and it's not like he was shy, he has a history of casual hook-ups, ons, getting into relationships after the first date, etc., he just really didn't want to rush anything with me). A few days later we communicated clearly that we want to be in an exclusive, monogamous relationship with each other. Turned out, we had more in common than we could imagine. We're both mostly vegan, which was really important to me because my previous partner was a hardcore meat eater, so we couldn't even go on a date to one restaurant, because he wouldn't eat anything that is meatless. My now boyfriend cooks me so much delicious vegan food, and of course, cleans after himself in the kitchen. And not only in the kitchen, he does most of the housework and doesn't use me as a maid (I know, the bar is so low, but I see so many women complaining about weaponized incompetence that I'm just grateful it isn't the case). Another thing that might be trivial, but for me is really important- body hair and body image generally. I've spent many years hating shaving, but I felt like I couldn't stop due to my previous boyfriends, girlfriend, and overall society thinking that hair on a woman's body is gross. One of my exes clearly stated that he would break up with me if I stopped shaving. And now I haven't shaved in months and in a way it is thanks to my amazing boyfriend that loves my body in the most raw, natural way and it makes me the most confident and comfortable in my body I have ever felt in my life. He's also the only sexual partner that cares so much about my satisfaction (since the beginning of my sexually active years I thought I just couldn't orgasm with another person, no matter how much they tried, I thought I was built wrong or smth, turned out I wasn't at fault, and my new boyfriend's priority in this and other areas is to fulfill all of my needs and wants). I also love how outdoorsy he is. It is also something that was missing in my previous relationship, and now I finally have someone to match my hiking level. Now we're preparing for a 500 km (over 300 miles) mountain trail. We spend so much time doing fun activities, I really needed that. About spending time- we don't party, we don't smoke or drink, we don't do any other drugs. He was a drug addict for more than 10 years, but he spent 8 months in rehab and is now over 2 years completely clean. He is still in therapy, not directly related to his addiction, but addiction is a mental disorder, so he must take care of his mental health, so he doesn't relapse. Ironically this is the most sober relationship I've ever been in. And thanks to him going to therapy we have such a good level of communication, understanding, and taking each other's feelings into consideration. Back to the age things- I have older sisters and I'm best friends with the oldest one which is 8 years older. I really get along with his sister who is 7 years older than me. I was in a position where I had to grow up quicker than my peers. I started working early, and I lived on my own at the age of 20. I know I'm still immature in many ways. I react immaturely to many things. But should I really cross this relationship just because of the age gap? I know I won't, this is the guy that I want to marry, and before him, I had problems with being committed and avoided saying 'I love you'. With him, I feel like we are a match made in heaven. I also see so many douchebags that are my age, I see so many of my friends being treated like shit by men and women their age. As you said, off-balance in power can happen in any relationship.

[@stephenkissane4268]

I think age gaps are only bad if the older person is manipulative if they're not it's fine. Also some poeple want 19 illegal 😮

[@Sillygirl2315]

I understand what you are saying and why you feel the need to defend yourself. But as a woman who was preyed on by men as a child and all the women in my life as well. A strong awareness about grooming etc is important for our girls and the new generation of men. Yes it’s a weird shift and uncomfortable for older generations who did things differently. I think that it’s always going to be a challenge for different generations to understand each other. But our culture has supported girls being preyed on for too long and allowed men to get away with it. I think it’s also important to acknowledge where people are coming from and how common it is for young girls to be preyed on by older men. It’s important to have these conversations! I’m happy these younger generations are so aware of it! So they don’t fall prey! Yeah I get it sucks for you but in the grand scheme it is better imo for everyone. They will understand more as they mature.

[@AmandaMuse]

I completely agree! Having a daughter myself we need to know the red flags 👏

[@marcellasanchez497]

I agree but people also need to acknowledge that not every age gap relationship is bad

[@knockofffatelvira335]

What are your thoughts on teenagers that are 1 or 2 years apart dating and such

[@AmandaMuse]

This is tricky, 1 maybe but I definitely take issue with 2 years+. There is so much developmental change in that time frame. Great question.

[@knockofffatelvira335]

@@AmandaMuse Thank you for answering me personally it depends on both parties especially with developmental things I appreciate you taking the time to answer and I do like you taking the time to make the video about Age gaps vs Grooming unfortunately there are victims with certain age gaps but thank you for clarifying things

[@samtron5000]

There’s literally nothing wrong with it. Boys don’t want to date girls exactly their age as a teenager because they are too mature for them. Girls do not want to date boys who are exactly the same age as them because they are to immature for them. It has always been extremely normal for girls to date boys 1-3 years older than them as teenagers in high school (sophomore dating a senior). That doesn’t mean it’s grooming and it definitively isn’t pedophilia if a 15 year old dates a 16 or 17 year old. Anyone can groom anyone - grooming is just manipulation. You can groom someone the exact same age as you. You can groom someone older than you.

[@fruitloopz311]

I’m Europe high school age kids will date college kids in their 20’s. They don’t think it’s weird.

[@dynamiclizard1098]

My mom is around 15 years younger than my dad

[@aliezahjuarez1212]

​@Jamie Wilson the internet is fucking up their minds like fucking stupid animals

[@evil_m0orty953]

Finally someone with a brain.

[@sirdelrio]

You guys looked so gorgeous in your 2004 pic.

[@heatheriviney4091]

When I read "grooming" I thought you meant body hair trimming age gaps. Lol

[@AmandaMuse]

Hahah a while different kind of video 😂

[@teeade]

Nuance is important. I don't believe all of those comments would've been by trolls. Young adults in their late teens/early 20s are more likely to be on the receiving end of grooming. However, of course, this isn't/wasn't the case for many people, and certainly wasn't the case for you. It's important that people don't generalize after hearing about the unfortunate experiences of individuals. Congratulations to you and your partner! ✨

[@HayleyRobinsonhale]

This video is probably one of the most naive things I’ve ever watched! No wonder so many young adults go under the radar because I guess “age is just a number”

[@AmandaMuse]

Lemme guess, you're Gen Z. lol.

[@tierk4328]

@@AmandaMuse But I think she's right though and your argument is so easily debunked by this one question. Would you, at his age, ever look at someone that much younger than you and see them romantically? If no, you have to ask yourself why would he?

[@Dennis-nc3vw]

Studies show men 17 - 20 are twice as likely to physically abuse their partner as men 25 - 28, yet it's the "creepy old men" we're told to worry about.

[@Dennis-nc3vw]

@@tierk4328 Different strokes for different folks, that's why. Forest Gump is a movie about a woman who beds a man whose brain is so child-like his favorite book is Curious George, but that's supposed to be a beautiful romance. The Shape of Water a woman has sex with a fishman thing that can't even talk. Again, beautiful romance in the eyes of critics. Besides, male biology is programmed to seek out youth, its an evolutionary adaptation to women's limited fertility life. Women's biology is programmed to do the opposite. Women kid themselves that they want a "mature" partner, but the two examples I posted above prove that's not what it's really about. Women would rather date an immature older partner than a mature younger one. Visa-versa with men.

[@noneyabusiness3239]

Can teenagers date while being a year and a half to two years apart? Because at some point, one will be 18 and the other will be 16.

[@samtron5000]

Yes absolutely. Just because someone is 18, if their girlfriend is 1 or 2 years younger that is absolutely not a problem and completely acceptable and NORMAL!!! Most girls tend to date boys 1-3 years older than them. They do not normally date boys younger than them as teenagers. That’s because mentally girls mature 1-2 years faster than boys. Dating a boy exactly your age or younger feels weird because they are so much more immature than you. When I was 15 I had a boyfriend who was 17. When he was 18 I was 16. When he was 19 I was 17. He was not grooming me. He was not a pedophile. We broke up after 4 years of dating. We lost our virginity to eachother. He was my first love and I was his. After me he never dated teenagers going forward… he was attracted to women about the same age as him, within 1-3 years. That is extremely normal. He absolutely was not a pedophile or a groomer. It was a normal teenage boyfriend/girlfriend first love relationship. At 37 I do not regret being his girlfriend for those 4 years as a teenager.

[@hanphilnoffz8827]

Anything if both over 21 or after 23 is fine but i be little concerned if is 20 19 18 and 17

[@AmandaMuse]

I agree with you. Although it's "only" a year or 2, the development in those years is significant. I say that knowing I met my husband at 20 years old, but this was also 20 years ago now.

[@samtron5000]

@@AmandaMuseI met my husband when he was 17 and I was 15 and we had a ton in common and were on the same page mentally. Girls and boys mature at different rates than eachother. We are married, I’m 37 and he is 39. My husband isn’t a pedophile or a groomer because he thought I was cute when I was 15. Stop acting like it’s weird lady. This is perfectly normal behavior.

[@Phoenix_7568]

You have the nicest voice. You could be out here narrating audiobooks.

[@Betttty]

Wow you are such a beautiful Woman 🎉❤

[@stelasenna9927]

Jesus bless you ❤

[@umealvi5887]

Alert alert feminism!!

[@AmandaMuse]

Watch out! ;)

[@umealvi5887]

@@AmandaMuse your hubby looks the same age as you when you were working together…you both looked really cute together!!

[@karisuperstar]

I get what you’re saying but a lot of young people(girls specifically) are going to come to this video and use it as validation that they’re not being groomed (when in fact they are) it could potentially be harmful to some

[@ethio1931]

Grooming has nothing to do with age it can be done to any gender of any age

[@user-yy8ff1wv8w]

You can say that about damn near anything posted on this app. She’s not doing anything wrong but telling people to stop virtue signalling and jumping to conclusions relax…Go make a video saying the opposite then.

[@d4mterro320]

Hello. Title says grooming vs age gap. I watched the first 3 minutes and u still didnt get to the point. Im interested in this video without wasting my time so pls reply with the timestamp of where does the video ACTUALLY start thx

[@AmandaMuse]

Or, just watch the video. If it’s not for you, just move along.

[@user-yy8ff1wv8w]

You didn’t watch the video then she literally provided an example then explained her own situation in real life 😂.