Can Large Age Difference Relationships Succeed? | May-December Romance

This video answers the question: Can large age difference relationships succeed? These relationships, sometimes called May-December Romances, are somewhat uncommon (8% of heterosexual couples) and come with certain challenges not experienced by couples with small age differences. Large age difference relationships are typically defined as a relationship where there's 10 or more years separating the couple. A lot of times we think of this as applying to a man who's older than a woman, but doesn't have to be that way. We know from the literature that these relationships have a higher probability of failure and they have lower level of satisfaction associated with them. Of course, this isn't the case with every relationship where there's an age difference of 10 years or more, but this is what we see as a tendency in the literature. Although the challenges can be significant, counseling may help couples in this situation to navigate these relationships. Many May-December relationships are successful, but it often requires facing some of the challenges associated with the age difference honestly and directly.

[@juliabel2]

My husband was 12 years older than me. We had an AMAZING 28 years together. We married when he was 51, I was 39, and totally compatible emotionally and sexually, sharing the same values. The greatest issues occurred when he reached his 70s, and my once robust husband began having serious health issues. I was his caretaker for 2 years prior to his passing. But, I would do it all over again. Our love and devotion to one another made it worth it.

[@chiccavaquita]

This makes me sad. I am 40 & he’s 50 😭 sadly we didn’t make it. I know 10 years is nothing but still.

[@philipdann5006]

Same sex couples? 🥴🤢🤮🤧😷

[@buckyflex1]

Wow this really moved me I've read it several times it's a shame they're buried in KZbin comments

[@incognitodaily956]

Gross

[@donniemoder1466]

By 40 or 50, a 10 years difference is not that much.

[@lucid118]

Was blissfully happy with a man 17 years older than I for 36 years. Sadly he died a couple of years ago and that certainly is an issue but I would not have done it differently -thanks for this video.

[@MelRDH]

I’m so sorry for your loss. My husband is 21 years older than me and I often think about this. Your comment gave me some peace. Thank you. ❤️

[@esmatnajibi8564]

@@MelRDH somebody said we are souls and ageless, therefore, don’t think about the apparent age difference ☺️

[@MelRDH]

@@esmatnajibi8564 Awe you’re incredibly sweet. Thank you. ☺️

[@esmatnajibi8564]

@@MelRDH thanks for your nice comment ☺️

[@verycaring2387]

Thank you for loving HIM.💜

[@ginny5937]

My husband is 16 years younger than me, and we've been married for 38 years. He is mature and I look younger than my age, so people don't notice the age difference. Neither of us wanted to have children, and we love our pets. We also are in the same profession. We get along great!

[@0w8wsj7w]

Sounds like a dream

[@ginny5937]

Careful Black Key-- Thank you so much. I apply Bible principles in my marriage and I am sure that has a lot to do with our success. All the best! 🌺

[@ydasda4210]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@eshtermaria6884]

You are soulmates

[@lisasimpson3832]

So happy to hear that! I'm engaged to a man and we have an age difference very close to yours and your hubby's! I wish you two the best of luck in maintaining that love!

[@DJEL011]

I met my Wife in 1989. I was 19. She was 46. We’re still together and having a good time. She’s aging now so the dynamic is changing but I’ll care for her until the end.

[@conq3097]

Is your name Emanuel Macron by any chance?

[@elinorlee1539]

I'm sorry but any woman who was in her mid-40s and interested in a teenager is very disturbing

[@elpadredigorgonzoladilucia3250]

@@conq3097 bonjour tu es français ?

[@elinorlee1539]

@little drane as being a woman myself who is also in my 40s I can assure you that there is plenty of younger men that would love to be with an older woman!! ( I have never obliged but certainly had the offer) now if you're 40 and he's 30 that's a whole different thing but if you're past 40 and he's still a teenager then you being the responsible adult with a full frontal cortex that should be formed then you should be the one to say no.

[@derekmeade1741]

@@elinorlee1539 19 isnt a teenager

[@elkiness]

Slightly long story! Hope that's OK. When I was 19, I met my husband, K. After a few dates, (then without sex!), he told me he was 29. It gave me pause. On the other hand, my boyfriends up to then seemed boyish, immature. The one who was more serious had values I didn't respect . K and I became close, fell in love. We had very much the same values, even though he was from another country. Others had been materialistic, or just wanted sex for fun. In short, we married when I was 21 and he was 30. ( 9 1/2 years difference). He was---is--- kind and deeply decent. Because he came from a cultured home and liked classical music, I thought he was intelligent--hard to gauge because of language differences and with no cultural tips. He was very supportive of my finishing my first University degree. (He had none.) As the years went by and children came, leaving my family, roots and connections, I came to think that the marriage was the mistake of my life. All kinds of problems, gaps--intellectual, sexual.... I went for help to understand myself better and he agreed to a little counseling together, which was helpful. It wasn't easy, but I was determined do everything for the children's best interest. (Had there been no children, I would surely have left.) But somehow--since we had, in some ways, a solid base, I came to appreciate his good qualities much more, and to love him again but in a different way. He's 83 now, I'm 73. Our relationship is affectionate and respectful, lots of mutual support . The children and grandchildren are great. I'm now glad we stayed together.

[@lisaa.4667]

I'm glad this worked out for you. It shows that your relationship was solid enough to "stay the course" and the relationship strengthened.

[@oxycuntin2059]

thanks for sharing. my partner and I have an age difference of around 11 years, and it's great, even years later. worst thing is judgement from other people automatically thinking one of us is using the other. but we're just chilling and doing projects together.

[@Rae-eu1zb]

That’s beautiful 💓

[@emr1d341]

I love this story / example. Many of us (25-35 years old) see an affectionate old couple and think, "that's what I'd like." We have this fantasy of having the perfect mate that will last forever, but you show that while it's possible to have a long-lasting, happy relationship, it's not necessarily all rainbows and butterflies.

[@louisegariepy7697]

Elinore Koenigsfeld Beautiful story! But it seems to me that the temporary problems you had (not to minimize them at all), had more to do with cultural and education level differences then to age difference. They can be much more difficult to overcome, and I am glad that you did.

[@jkgent4087]

I was married to a man who was 22 years older than I for 32 years. We had 2 children, one of whom died at age 14. We weathered that together and became stronger as a couple. We had our rough spots. We did counseling before marriage and after a few times. But the commitment was always there. I have no regrets.

[@ninijellybeanie6853]

5 years ago I was 49 and met a sweet 27 year old at work. We are still together and live/work happily together with no issues except whose turn it is to take out the garbage! It CAN work if two people work together to stay together. Peace and love to everyone!!

[@kokolanza7543]

Glad it is working out. Many good wishes for your future together.

[@flyby2349]

I'm 50, with a 32 years collegue since 2 years. We work side by side 70 hours in a row, and then we get 7 days off, than we mosly spend together. I have no issue exept he does only cook oatmeal... but it does that so great that I do the rest for cooking lol. Thanks for sharing ! Long life together !

[@peggypeggy4137]

@@flyby2349 You guys sound like a good example of how an age difference can work well. That's hilarious that he only makes oatmeal. Maybe you can teach him mac and cheese...baby steps !!

[@2livinjannah]

I'm 25 years older than my husband and we get along fine as well

[@st.francisanddr.pepper1304]

I mean it's nice that it's worked so far. But I can't imagine a 33 year old man not wanting a younger woman sexually at some point. Or kids. Unless you are with another woman.

[@arlenealennox3136]

My father was 33 years older than my mother. He was 71 when I was born. They were happy for 23 years until he died. She lived for another 35 years. I was so glad when I met the man I married that he was less than 3 years older than I. We had 45 years. Now my daughter is in a relationship with a nice man who is 17 years older. You just have to make the most of the time you have together.

[@salaheddine9251]

Almost same, my parents have a 38 years age gap, have been together for 30 years and he got me when he was 75 and know i’m😞

[@electroskates2434]

Nearly same here. My father is nearly 34 years older than my mother and was 75 when I was born. Both my parents are still alive. And have been married for about 20 years

[@normajoe]

That’s -- so romantic. Ahahahahahahhahaha is what I wish I could say instead of, “YIIIKES”

[@Greeneggsandham123]

@@electroskates2434 So now you are 20 yrs old and your dad is 95yrs old. My grandparents aren’t even close to that age.

[@lisabradford8180]

@@Greeneggsandham123 I had a co worker whose parents were in their 40's when he was born, the dad may have been close to 50 at the time. He said he wished that his parents had been younger when he came along.

[@petersz98]

My grandfather was 29 when he married my grandmother who was 40. I think they were embarrassed by the age difference to the outside world because it was so unusual but they they were happily married and stuck together.

[@Dtella55]

Exactly...happiness is number one but should discuss the stage they are at in life and if that is acceptable to each party...

[@andreasleonlandgren3092]

Its not important its a number when you are with the right person

[@wordivore]

@@andreasleonlandgren3092 It's not JUST a number though. It's years lived, experience, how you relate will depend on those things. Interests, values, maturity will all be factors. Not saying it can't work, but it def. depends on individuals.

[@garrylafferty100]

My fiancee 34 yr younger than me i happy to show off the girl who loves me. People in love don't care what other people think including family about there age gap.

[@JamesTyreeII]

I dated a woman who was 13 years older than me. I was not bothered by it because she looked more like she was closer to my age very often. There were problems but She was also diagnosed with social anxiety disorder and avoidant personality disorder.

[@jillellen2631]

"People believe what they want to believe." Truer words were never spoken!

[@LaRossaSelvaggia]

“It’s just another challenge to navigate. Relationships come with a lot of challenges.” Gold, Dr. Grande, pure gold. Isn’t that Life 101 in a nutshell?

[@xfhghe]

Then there's Pablo Casals who married a 20 year old at age 80. When asked about the age difference he replied, "if she dies, she dies."

[@Julienna]

HAHAHA a good one!

[@lauracrafton9080]

Rofl

[@fionabromby4546]

Think that was Joan Collins she's 30 years older than Percy

[@novaimu]

That's a great quote! lol

[@jazmin6031]

Romantic 💕

[@jodimarie379]

I think that the the difference an age gap makes is relative to the youth of the youngest of the two. A seven year difference between an 18 and a 25 year old matters more than the difference of a 40 and 47 year old. The younger we are the more life quickly life stages seem to go. So a 27 year old is already a few stages beyond the 18 year old. Just my sort of gut feeling.

[@user-qz6qh5xd3d]

I completely agree.

[@debbiemilam2204]

I met my husband when I was 22 and he 33. When we decided to marry, I received advise from an older friend. She said at your age now (28/39)

[@VergilFan]

I agree. My dad was nearly 20 years older than my mom but they met when she was in her 30s. So, she had already experienced life. They almost never argued. They were married until he died a few years ago. I think it's a bigger issue if a person 25+ starts dating an 18-21 year old. Yes, I'm sure one relationship like that, out of a 100 relationships lasts, but I'm willing to bet the other 99 don't. What common ground would you have with someone that young and inexperienced anyway? I know someone in that situation who is miserable but they are stuck because they have young children. If you're say 29 and just met someone who is 49 then go for it. You're 80 and you met someone who is 50, then go for it. But, if you're in your 30s and you want to date an 18 year old then you need to see a doctor.

[@EhurtAfy]

I disagree, I was as mature at 14 as I am at 24. I still get people telling me I'm mature for my age at freakin' 24! My younger sister is starting high school and I relate to her as well as my older sister.

[@nicholasschroeder3678]

My first girlfriend was 27 when I was 19. Very passionate. Lasted three years, then at 30 she needed marriage and a family, and I was 22, had changed, and just wanted to explore life. We were both pretty heartbroken, but I think it wouldn't have worked. Still the great love of my life though

[@threeicys]

I am 53 and my significant other is 28. It all started with a conversation. There is a synergistic quality to our connection. I had no idea a relationship could be so nourishing, exciting and intimate. I actually had to mentally set aside his age and focus on him because what I saw in the beginning was a man that challenged me intellectually, someone who had a kind heart, and I was struck by how respectful he was; I don't mean his etiquette I mean an authentic caring manner for my wellbeing and enjoyment in life. We approach communication with transparency which is very different from my long prior marriage. It is just so easy to be with each other. The body is not who we are - it is a container. Age doesn't matter if it doesn't matter. Other people's opinions are not my business.

[@MM-zm1sd]

Yes,yes, yes I totally agree. Very well said!!!. I hope you have a long and happy life together.

[@imaamericangirl1406]

If you truly care about him, you will let him find someone special that is his own age.

[@DRourk]

@@imaamericangirl1406 If you truly care about yourself, you'll pull your head out of your ass one day. =)

[@maryking4375]

I am 47 and my husband is 66. We have been married 20 years. The only issues we have regarding our age difference are taste in music and male health related issues. We compromise on the music and I accepted a long time ago there would be male health issues as he progresses in age. He is my best friend through thick and thin. We have the same morals and views on life, so it works for us.

[@amirthavarsha425]

I am 23 and my hubby is 40 at present last before year we married and we know each other for past 4 yrs and same here our taste differs in movies and songs but our morals and thinking are same and he looks quit young , we have a 6 month old baby girl but at some times I am very much worried 😫 .

[@chris532008]

And if u research a little those so called male issues can b rectified to satisfaction

[@chris532008]

with health practices knoweven today some of those issues would b avoided and what has been learned lately and to b expanded on in near future will become even less

[@jacobus57]

@@idadushimimana7926 🤮

[@coiledsteel8344]

@@chris532008 Viagra

[@angelamcelyeajohnson]

Married my husband who's exactly 12 years and five months younger than I in 2002, and we're still going strong in 2020. And they said it wouldn't last...

[@miriamanderson6146]

Angela McElyea Johnson, AWESOME!!!

[@trillstina]

My parents are 20 years apart in age. They have been together nearly 30 years. My mom's advice is... " you don't realize when you're 20 marrying a young looking 40 year old... that when you're 50 you're going to be have to deal with 70 year old problems"

[@robertoreyes4258]

What are those issues and how can they be overcomed?

[@nihalhathaway4089]

does that mean she regrets it?

[@Dadaadad268]

How could she not realise that!

[@ccpperrett7522]

My daughter was twenty dating/living with a man age 35. She was on the rebound from a psychotic/violent boyfriend. She thought she was being rescued. Wrong. She was being snowed. After the initial honeymoon phase, he showed his narc character. They have been married 12 years with three kids. Getting divorced.

[@Altamisal]

@@ccpperrett7522 Sorry to hear it, but obviously that is not about the age factor, but the guy's personality disorder.

[@d2dag5]

I am 15 years older than my husband and this is the best relationship I’ve ever had. We’ve been together for almost 11 years happily married. I wouldn’t change a thing.

[@brielleanyez7113]

I'm 46 and there is a 31 year old man who is pursuing me and I have turned him down multiple times because of the age difference. I really do like him a lot but how do I get past the age difference? He doesn't understand why I see issues with a 15 year age difference. Should I take a chance? I became a widow at 33 years old and haven't been with anyone since, just focused on raising my kids but they are 23 and 20 now. Should I go for it? Thanks in advance if you respond 💖

[@miriamanderson6146]

@@brielleanyez7113 go for it!!!

[@mentak2593]

@@brielleanyez7113 the only downside I could foresee would be children. I am 13 years older than my husband but met him age 39 and were able to have one child. Becoming pregnant with a donated egg is an option but you probably would want to do that soon just so you would still be young enough to enjoy any children you would have. If no one wants kids then it’s not an issue, just make sure he’s quite sure -would be my advice.

[@goldsteinist]

@@brielleanyez7113 you should go for it. If he is respectful and into you why not? Enjoy your life a little bit it would hurt no one. ❤️Dare to love and live so many people are only exist. ✌️🥰

[@anamascarenhas6469]

@@brielleanyez7113 go for it and talk with him about both feelings, expectations , what problems could arrive and how both think can make it work

[@Becki545]

I love that you refer to a person who is being an asshole (in my mind; "if only my husband was a different age than he is") as being "in denial" (rather than an asshole) since it's better to be non-judgmental, even of those who are judgmental. Also you honor that "a heart wants what it wants" while you also honor reason. I admire your work!

[@mjinba07]

Long time since this vid was posted but I'll add my two cents, having been happily married to someone 25 years older; There is an unavoidable gap in culture, especially with things like gender expectations, social history, and nostalgia. There is a gap in life developmental stages. Gaps in interests, gaps in developmental tasks, gaps in motivations. At some point differences in energy become an issue unless, I suppose, the younger spouse has a debilitating illness or the older one has extraordinary vitality. There is an age gap in each spouse's social set as well. So they may or may not mix, and you and your spouse may be somewhat disinterested in each other's social activities. There's further social stress from the public - People who don't know you are likely to assume that you're parent and child. People who don't know you are likely to assume that the younger partner is taking advantage of the older one. Also, people are unlikely to understand the younger one's attraction to the older one (because as we all know, youth and beauty are what it's all about) so he/she must be crazy, desperate, broke, or have mommy/daddy issues. The younger one must not only anticipate the older one preceding in death, but anticipate that a long decline and lingering death is what's most likely going to happen. That means several years , if not many years, of caregiving, medical appointments, and increasingly solo management of the household. Followed by exhaustion, grief, and probably several more decades of life. Was it worth it? Umh, yeah it was. .

[@barbaraadams2645]

Good for you!

[@TimeIdle]

Your 2 paragraph are a lot more informative than the whole video. And your narrative proves that true love and connection defy many odds.

[@mintberrycrunch4333]

Thank you all for your comments. I'm in a relationship with someone 21 years younger than me, we love each other. We have known each other for 3 years, but were only friends until the last few months. I don't really expect this to last, so I'm trying just to live in the moment and enjoy it. Sometimes the amazing people we encounter are "to have but not to hold", and acceptance of this fact is helping me manage my expectations and be grateful for every day we are together. Also, I'm rather prone to depression, so 'keeping it real' appears essential to minimizing the upset when it's over.

[@barbaraadams2645]

@@mintberrycrunch4333 I am also in such a relationship. I am the older one and I am the woman and he is the man. We are both over 50 and so we don't have many of the needs and pressures of younger people. Stage of life makes a difference. My attitude is very much like yours, although I worry about what he will feel if I get sick or when I am quite old. Would you mind telling me if you are the man or the woman in your relationship?

[@mintberrycrunch4333]

@@barbaraadams2645 would you continue the conversation if I told you we are both men? I'm 47, he is 27, and are clearly in different stages of life, as such, I would greatly value your elaboration of the "stage of life" issue you mentioned. If you don't wish to correspond with a homosexual, that is also fine. Best wishes for your relationship.

[@charliebrown4624]

I'm 21 years older than my wife, and we've been happily married for 20 years.

[@dalegribble5661]

Ots good for dudes to be older!!👍👍👍👍

[@DerAua]

@@jackmurphy6780 If he was 45 when she was 25? There's 40 year olds who are very fit. My former boss is a thriathlete and at 45 he was fitter than most 30 year olds and looked the part except for a little grey hair. Also age differences are relative and become smaller as life goes on.

[@GamingTranceSeer]

@@jackmurphy6780 Funny how people only ask this if the man is the older one.

[@areyoureyesstillblue]

Is your wife's name Lucy?

[@goodenergy11]

Glad you are happy! That is rare & if it’s working, then it’s worth it! Yay.

[@mlp023]

My parents were 30 years apart in age. He passed away 4 years ago at 91. She's good today. I noticed that what made their marriage work was their devotion first to God, then to each other, then to their children. They were married before my dad passed away for 42 years.

[@kaylajames9334]

Amen.

[@arricammarques1955]

'The heart wants, what it wants' Age be damned.

[@ginanovo6285]

a man who marries a woman 30 yrs younger does NOT have God in his heart. He has sex and perversion in his heart. Sorry but that is what I think. The Bible was written by men, that's all.

[@imaamericangirl1406]

Sorry but that was a predatory relationship. Your dad was 49 and mom, 19! That’s horrible! You are truly right about God though, He can help a wife stick through an awful situation! I am realizing this as my parents were 18 years apart and I chose to marry a man 11 years older. We are still together, but it is a miracle!!!! I wish I could have done things differently.

[@sofatayragaming9296]

Relationships fail because of people, not age, I d rather live with someone who loves me and a keeper, rather than my age and a flipper

[@melissamoore7601]

age doe matter, to disregard this is is insane

[@Humanaut.]

Naive to say that. Age does play a role. If you listened to the video at all its not said that it can not be overcome. But age has a huge influence.

[@spookybaba]

I totally agree, it's got to be the individual, and not age. I'm not put off by a new someone a lot older, just because one man was immature for his mature years.

[@Humanaut.]

@@spookybaba Well they fail because of people and age. Both are factors. Its neither just one or the other. But age is an increasing difficulty. Of course, if two people are a perfect fit for each other and willing to make compromises then age can be overcome. Disregarding it as a factor is simplistic and outright naive.

[@sofatayragaming9296]

@@Humanaut. if you look closely to what I said, its talking about THE person, not necessarily older not necessarily younger, but if age is a no no to some people, I d say they are victims to main stream and what society teaches them. Hence 90% of people are looking for criteria to be set, not looking at the wonderful person they met.

[@elicialynn3505]

I'm 25 years older...56 female and 31 male. They say I look in my early 40s. Strongly in love no matter what we go through, something always pulls us back to each other. We love each other and can't seem to be apart. 2 years in August 2019

[@jenrusiana8534]

Alice Lynn im 39 this year my bf is 24 at first 5month being together we had issues with our differences but we survive our fights we now in our 18 months we are happy. Its all about respect, understanding

[@docriztigbauan7596]

Agree to this!u just wonder something really pulls the two of u close together!and i believe it's love!

[@7cats1catahoula]

I'm 51 and my husband is 28. We couldn't love each other more. 😀

[@user-qr7eb1sf3l]

I think eventually if they want children the relationship may fall short

[@sonicfoxxmusic4281]

Wow...you are indeed A1...somebody with really good sense. If you dig deep into lots of these type of relationships(i was in one..she was 38..i was 23), i'm betting in any of those relationships which failed in the first three or four years, stats might just show that your "want of children" comment could nail the main reason break-ups occur. It had a massive bearing on mine.

[@trishenigma8987]

I feel larger age differences before the age of around 40 are definitely much harder and tend to fail...after 40 I feel age becomes less relevant and can work out better

[@praveenhoro8198]

People need to understand that there's a difference between an age gap and generation gap. 10- 15 years are age gap but 20, 30 or more than that is generation gap. I have not seen a couple wid huge age gap who were married till their last breath. I know couples wid huge age gap who were married for 30 to 40 years but after that they got divorced or separated. 10- 15 years in my opinion is not an issue but more than that it is. And it will cause problems at some point, sooner or later but it will. l'm sorry but this a fact.

[@babajaiy8246]

@@praveenhoro8198 It's not an issue if it was about the quality of the Love and Connection. It would be an issue to avoid having a relationship that had a great Love and Connection...whether it lasted 30 years or only 5.

[@miriamanderson6146]

@@praveenhoro8198 I do have concerns with the generation gap. However, if there are connections in the minds and profession, there’s no actual problem except the age number. My recommendations? Go for it, no matter the age difference because the feelings of love are indescribable.

[@praveenhoro8198]

@@miriamanderson6146 I know love is indescribable. But in order to know whether it is love or just an attraction, you need to test it. People usually think that if it's just an attraction, then it will only last upto few months or a year or 2. No, sometimes this "feeling of love" can last upto 20 years, until you are bored. People need to realise that love relationshis are not like novels. That if you're not finding it interesting, you can anytime shut it down & move to the next one. It's not like changing underwears. You don't fall in or out of love with someone just like that. And also if you are not planning for a long run, then why are you with someone? That means I'm like an enjoyment piece for you at the moment. And if tomorrow you get connected with someone else then you'll move on with that person. This is not love. So, age is not just a number. It obviously is not everything but surely is something.

[@monicadib]

I still see a lot of prejudice when a woman is older than a man in a relationship. The opposite is more acceptable.

[@Canadian_Eh_I]

yes.. there are biological reasons for this. but who cares? life is too short to care what people think. 2 adults consenting is all that matters.

[@monicadib]

@@Canadian_Eh_I yes, perhaps culture in this case is influenced by biological questions...agree with you, life is short!

[@QoraxAudio]

Jup that’s exactly what I’ve been strugling with. Never really been interested in women younger than myself.

[@MsBettyRubble]

@@Canadian_Eh_I Totally agree with you. That's just an excuse for others to pass judgement on a relationship that isn't anyone else's business. There's an assumption that the goal if the relationship is procreation. That isn't necessarily the case.

[@sarahrodriguez7101]

Mkay what exactly are the biological reasons for that?

[@postedscript6824]

My pastor was 15 years younger than his wife. They married when he was 25 and she forty. Their ministry brought many to Christ and many miracles of healing and deliverances.. Sweet couple. He died 10 years before she did at 61. She lived into her eighties. God brought them together .

[@chelongogan3904]

This is just weird

[@wayneburgess2885]

Billy Graham was a generation younger than his wife.

[@KatrinaLeFey]

That's beautiful.

[@equality4all]

Most of my relationships always came with an age difference of 15 to 25 years. It works quite well until the older partners health start to crumble , suddenly the younger partner want to hike or party and feels the older partner with arthritis, liver issues, chronic fatigue or sleep apnea is getting in the way. It is wonderful while it lasts but it hardly ever lasts long.

[@Leosaysays]

Interesting video. My partner is 10 years older than me and we have been together for 5 years now. I can honestly say that it is the most secure, stable, safest and happiest intimate relationship I've had.

[@craftchild_9151]

I was in a relationship with a man who was 28 years older. The thing that really drove us apart was less inconsolable generational issues, but more so also cultural issues that stood between us being enhanced by the age difference.

[@DRourk]

Please elaborate.

[@johngibson2884]

My wife is 25 years younger ...it was very awkward at first . We are expecting our first child in February ...on my birthday the 8th how 😎. It will be my first ...but I did lose my wife 27 years before in a car accident when she was 2 months pregnant and waited my whole life for this . It was hard with both of our friends pretty shocked to see us together. Love , if intense, can overcome any differences . It really is an incredible fact . The only time something matters is when we validate it . Uf you dont validate it , it is not MANIFESTED . You have to have real love to make it . We broke up once but came back together ... I was a widower so I actually avoided her sexually as I was more uncomfortable than her about it . It started out as a FWB but we also fell in love . I was 46 she was 21 . Her parents are my age and we get along very well .

[@Dwightstjohn-fo8ki]

good for you. I hope your signifigant partner can see long term, as you do. that's a good match.

[@pio7763]

New daddy that she can legally f...

[@ashleyelaine1670]

My husband is going to be 50 this year, and I am 27. We have been together over 6 years and are pregnant with our 3rd child. It is totally possible to be happy.

[@1956soulmate]

@@ashleyelaine1670 Congratulations. My daughter is 26 and her partner is 27 years older. They have been together for 4 years now and are buying a house together. My husband and I are 10 years older than him as we had her late in life. We just want her to be happy and she is but have had to keep it secret from my husband's side of the family as they would not accept him. My family accepts him as they would never want to cause them any unhappiness. It is people that can make the situation difficult however thanks for your post and all the very best.

[@ROXCANADA2023]

Wow

[@Lililililili333]

I’m 33 and my boyfriend is 51, it’s a quite a difference but I hardly even notice it really. We’re both on the same stage in life and he’s a musician and they never really grow up🤣🤣

[@Dadaadad268]

1Javichr I’m interested to know if you would like children with him potentially?

[@dalegribble5661]

I think its good for a dude to be older!!👍👍

[@andreasleonlandgren3092]

😂😂 we just got older. Then we got the Young attractive girls at 51. Total win.

[@mgal6234]

Same age difference as my husband and I...when we had our son I was 31 and he was 50. Still together after 26 years!

[@TheScreamingFrog916]

Musician/artist here, and I can relate to that comment. I still feel like a kid inside, still full of wonder and excitement, with each new discovery, and adventure. I'm 59 years old, and prefer the company of people who feel the same. That is often younger people, but sometimes older too. When it comes to physical attraction, I want what I always wanted. Just because you get older, does not mean you become attracted to older people. As an analogy, you still prefer fresh food, instead of rotten. The ideal being, a person with positive/valuable life experiences, wrapped in a fresh healthy body. But as the man says, it's all about compromises in life.....what are you willing to give up, for what you are willing to accept.

[@Anastashya]

My mom and dad are 11 years apart, my dad being the older one. Both parents are very old fashioned in a nice way, like morals and manners etc. my dad is very romantic and brings my mom flowers throughout the year just because he loves her. It’s his style of loving her and she loves it. He loves great food and she spoils him rotten (he’s dieting after the holidays), but one thing I notice that I rarely see in my friends parents marriages (the 3-5 year age difference) is when the couple love time together. My parents love being in each other’s company. The only time I see the age difference pop out is when my dad goes on about a song and my mom looks blankly trying to remember until my dad says 'that’s before your time) and once when he took her to the hospital for minor surgery and sat outside the OR and recovery room for over 2hrs and when he was allowed in the nurse said it was nice of her dad to stay waiting. But my mom and dad laughed it off, my dad I think is sort of proud of having the younger woman lol but my mom looks younger than her 60 years genetically. I only hope that one day I’m so lucky to have a relationship as good as theirs is. But I’ll not ever settle and age won’t matter to me.

[@andreasleonlandgren3092]

Serene Artist nice that is great. They are so blessed.

[@janets9179]

Wow, you are lucky to have such parents.

[@dalegribble5661]

I think its a good thing for a man to be older!💚💚💚

[@dalegribble5661]

@@janets9179 amen

[@MuhammadImran-ln4fz]

I am single 💑😍❤🌷🌷

[@deedeeblanscet4433]

I’m 54 and my husband is 71. We’ve been married since 1993(27 years) and although we do have some problems, age isn’t the biggest. I’m blessed with a husband who is fun loving and energetic and in good health. If this wasn’t the case, the age difference might be harder.

[@TheWilliamHoganExperience]

I've had two truly long term relationships in my life. One with a woman 11 years older than me, another with a woman 22 years younger. These relationships lasted decades. In both cases the difficulties caused by the age gaps were a product of external social pressures, not incompatibilities between me and my partners. In both cases it was my partner getting pressure / judgement from other females in their social circle about being with a man much younger or older than them. Women be trippin' about age in relationships - not men in my experience. Just sayin'...

[@chipacay]

Married a man 21 years older than me from a different culture, different religion and a differen political party. I believe we had less problems than other couples. We had similar educations, social positions and values. He died of cancer after 22 years together, but as the song goes "Siempre en mi corazon."

[@malcador]

Women are childish about it. They are either jealous that a man their age has a woman younger (and more attractive) than them. Or they are younger, immature, and view men over 30 as "old" and "gross". I've never known a man to care about age gap in either direction.

[@saturngirl3748]

. It also wasn't a woman that made this video. Just saying.

[@miriamanderson6146]

Hmmm…I have had regrets because of feeling out of place having the large age difference. He was about 11 years younger than me. Very thoughtful, considerate, loving, rich and he just passed the board exam as a full pledged medical doctor. His sister was also a medical doctor and she liked me, supposedly a terror to some. Because of the age gap, I listened to what the others said, and he moved on, calling me basically a coward, not in a derogatory way, rather letting me know that he finally found a woman who was brave to live a happy life with him. So, ladies out there, don’t let the age scare you. So what if it will only last for 10 years? You have at least 10 years of happiness following your heart. I chose someone 2 years older and it was a crapshoot. Ugh!!!

[@charlesiragui2473]

@@saturngirl3748 And Dr Grande seems pretty favorable to these relationships, not very judgmental? Seems to follow the pattern he experienced.

[@AperiLife]

Thank you for mentioning culture differences being something that could be a major impact in a relationship with a large age gap. My fiancé is 25 years older than I am and most of our problems deal with cultural and social class frustrations. I'm African American, he's Italian and we live in Florence Italy, I grew up in a middle class family and he grew up in a upper middle class family and worked his way into lower upper class with many upper class friends. All of this has increased both of our levels of patience. Nonetheless we are happy

[@blackkittens.]

Soul compatibility means it can work. But most people aren't that deep and get distracted by societal expectation and judgements.

[@alrivers2297]

Exactly right

[@Altamisal]

Soul compatibility yes, that is the most important thing.

[@nixwestlake9196]

Exactly..and I agree that 12 or more years is problematic

[@Altamisal]

@@nixwestlake9196 Doesn't have to be.

[@nixwestlake9196]

@@Altamisal not at all. I had a relationship with someone 13 yes younger and before that I was with a guy 13 years older. For a very long time.

[@jessicourteous]

My boyfriend is 40 and I'm 26. We've been together 2 years now and sometimes I honestly forget he's 14 years older. Thank goodness he's an immature 40 year-old haha

[@NLR759]

I dated a 48 year old, when I was 29. We got along really well, never argued. But it's very different when you are 70, and want to travel in your retirement years, and your 89 year-old husband is limited by age-related diseases.

[@j_freed]

@@NLR759 - why not agree to have a few independent interests… do all couples think it High Treason to go off on a trip with a reliable friend while the other partner would rather tend garden, take naps and read? This glued at the hip thinking seems a roadblock for people… it seems very linear logic when the essence if a relationship is part compromise and part creative solutions.

[@NLR759]

@@j_freed No, you don't have to be glued at the hip, but the problem is it can be very difficult to find that friend that can afford the extended trips or has the same interest. Plus you can also feel very guilty about leaving home when your spouse is not in good health. I know a few older women who are in this situation where the husband cannot travel due to health reasons, and the wife ends up being trapped at home because she has to care for him. It's rather depressing to think you worked your whole career looking forward to retirement, and then when retirement is finally here, you cannot enjoy the things you looked forward to.

[@armonelovesaustin]

😬 I’m 25 and I hate immature 40 year olds

[@drunkenrampage1588]

It's been a year, how are you two holding up?

[@cathykrueger4899]

I was married to a man 11 years older than I. We met when I was 36 and he was 47. We were both in medical professions, worked together, enjoyed many of the same interests. We had both been married and divorced. Both had two children. His we’re grown, mine were still 10 and 12. We were married for 30 years. There were of course problems but none of them were in my mind related to our age difference. I think the sustaining factors were common interests and the ability to understand one another’s work life and values. Beyond that I think a sense of humor is imperative. And I must add that this man was the love of my life. At his funeral a mutual friend of ours looked at me and said, “You were the love of his life.”’

[@denisedevoto2834]

I was in an 18 year marriage to a man who was 15 years my senior. I was 36 when we got married and he was 51. Towards the end, it was truly horrible, mostly because he is a monster and a narc. I am now with a man who is 10 years older, and I love it. He gets my cultural references, and he is a sweetheart. I am happier than I have ever been. I am also 59 years old, so I do agree that as we age the difference doesn't seem to be as large.

[@marciamellow1211]

I think it all depends on the maturity of the younger person, and where they are in life... I was with someone 12 years older, and we connected great... I was only 22, and as I got older, I wanted someone more my age... found him ,and was married40 yrs.. he just suddenly passed (loved him)... The older Man is still alive,80 now, and super active.... he married someone his age, for 35 years. They are solid...you really never know...

[@bradbriner9385]

I’m 57 and my wife is 38. We have been married 5 years and our relationship is strong and grows lovingly with each passing day. It appears as if few people notice our 19 year difference based on our physical appearance. We are confident that our marriage is special as our love deepens each day. We remain connected by sharing adventures and I can only wish every couple finds the magic that we have found. We are aware that life is fleeting and we wouldn’t want it any other way spending our moments together. We have such joy together even through the difficult moments. We are grateful for each other despite our age difference.

[@monicacruz4407]

I have known quite a few large age gap couples i.e. 20 yrs plus. The maturity issue seems to crop up a bit, each individual is at a different stage of life, and the difference in wisdom that comes from life lessons can be quite marked sometimes. As you say, all relationships are a challenge, with some types of people, if you throw a big age gap into the mix, it might be too much pressure, but equally, there are sometimes quite lovely meeting of minds between people of very different ages. Good luck to everyone out there, and thank you Doc 🙏

[@narcsinart7179]

I really appreciated the thoughtfulness and reason you put into this topic.

[@sbw89]

Does it really matter? Divorce rates are so high, I don't see how an age gap is going to improve or worsen your chances of success.

[@andreasleonlandgren3092]

Seth Walker it does not. The more you care about social norms and what people think the harder it Will be.

[@stephenfletcher5391]

I agree. Age gap has nothing to do with divorce probability. Many things are factors for divorce, but age is not one of them.

[@bilgeertan6214]

Hahah that’s so right! As if only age gap is left to talk about the sh*tty situations in marriages.

[@noplatesnodates679]

My girlfriend is 41, I’m 20. We’ve been together for a year and I absolutely adore her

[@colinwinterman]

fantastic mate and i hope it continues forever

[@niasea3484]

If the woman is over 5 years older, or more, it will be an issue as she ages. These relationships are doomed if the woman is the one who is older. In 20 years, she'll be 61 and you will be 40, trust me, you will find a woman closer to your age, or younger.

[@Mach2style]

oh my god you can't even drink yet and you dating someone whose twice your age? I wish ya'll the best but, wow haha

[@ashleyching3166]

be happy :)

[@MegaBossmare]

I'm 42 and he's 24. It works so great between us. I don't care what anyone thinks,they don't live our lives.

[@verak5069]

I am a 32 year old woman dating a 45 year old man, and I love it. I was growing weary of the men my age who were still trying to figure out who they are and what they want. The man I am with has a solid identity and spent most of his life building his career. Now he has made more space for a relationship. He treats me like gold and I love our time together.

[@brandnewnew9905]

I think when people are out of their twenties-have a level of self development/ brain development/ is a better time to have a huge age difference relationship

[@viviancrump9420]

My husband is 18 years older than me , we have 3 children and have been married for 35 years and we are still in love and are totally committed to our marriage. When we married I was 27 and he was 45.!

[@pisnop]

Vivian: So he is 80 and you're 62? I really admire your beautiful story of a beautiful love affair. So have there been any challenges or complications with the relationship? As Dr. Grande expressed - in the early years it's manageable, but later in life if can be difficult. Anything you can share would be greatly appreciated.

[@amineaiffa]

@@pisnop 27 + 18 is not 62. She's around 45 years old and he's 63.

[@pisnop]

@@amineaiffa They were married when she was 27 and he was 45. They have been married for 35 years.

[@ENFPerspectives]

@@amineaiffa so grose!

[@TheSkeetergirl]

My husband and I have been married for decades. He is 14 years my senior. We had our last child when I was 42 and he was 56. We are in it for life. We love each other, we love our Lord, and we love our family and our Lord together.

[@stephaniem2743]

Thank you for this! My dad is 15 years older than my stepmom. They've been together about 15 years. My dad is retiring and wants to move away. He seems to feel "stuck" waiting for her to retire. Maybe that's more unique to my dad than a common issue these couples face. The only other issue I think they've had was that she wanted kids and my dad didn't want any more. I do hope they defy the odds and stay together.

[@rightnow5839]

Hi Dr. Grande, 💗 this! I picked this video to watch as something a bit lighter and still interesting today. Your views on age difference in relationships is about the same as I view it, especially near the end where you said that couples who come to counseling with age difference a concern , probably have the motivation and willingness required to make it work. Enjoyed this as always!! 👍🏻

[@davidoconnell1173]

The “negotiation” around actual age difference made me laugh....

[@karladriver9590]

Thank you to all the people that shared age difference relationships it seems to me that true love and commitment is really the key to any relationship not age between consenting adults!

[@zeck8541]

28 years difference here and it’s the most fulfilling and rewarding experience we have both had. Perfect match in every way and we have been together for several years.

[@Ecclesiastes9-10GlorytoGod]

My husband is 18 years my senior. He was 43 and I was 26 when we married 36 years ago. We are both Christians and I think since we share similar beliefs, that has been the main anchor in our marriage. At this stage in our lives (he's 79 and I'm 61) it's scary at times, but again, my faith will see me through whatever comes along. I truly believe that.

[@sharonwells9593]

To walk with God is certainly the way to obtain blessings on whatever relationships you may have. And to love someone though differently aged, that person walking with God only gets the reason for that walk and sees the blessings for themselves as well as share them with whom they love that's blessed.

[@socalnativeinazitsadryheat903]

I just want to thank you so much for your video content I cannot express how much this has helped me in a very short amount of time my only regret is that I did not find your channel earlier

[@middleofnowhere1313]

I'm 18 years older than my husband. Together 8 years, married for 6. Still happy.

[@Krapsla]

My partner is 22 years older than me.(28 and 50) His spirit is youthful whilst mine is mature. it's as if both of us live inside a body that does not align with our spiritual age. he feels younger, i feel older. so, mentally, emotionally, we meet eachother in the middle. i've learned alot since being with him and so far it's been the most constructive relationship i've ever experienced. in a loving way, wounds surface, get poked but are healed simultaneously in both of us. it's as if, especially him, had to wait 50 years, to blossom, to discover his true self. i feel deep gratitude for being allowed to walk that path with him. I get this sense of "aahh, finally.. life truly starts here, with him" because he has walked his path, i can sense that, he learned alot and applies his wisdom positively. something i havn't seen in any younger partner (people of my generation or with max age gab of 7 years), the selfawareness that comes with age through certain experiences such as previous marriage (in most cases, but lol not all. even 60 year olds seem to have ugly childish behaviors,..) I'm deeply satisfied with my man. it feels right, to experience and share love this way. So many things we get to experience together for the first time in both our lives.. i couldn't even dreamt it was possible and thought he had lived.. he does now. We share an epic friendship within our relationship, age is nowhere to be felt between us. maybe the strange stares or assumptions from the outside world, but to us, it's a kick, we love shockvalue but we are hermitwankers most of all tho. just the outside world, makes us giggle a shitton. the longer we spend our lives together, the more we realize people are vanilla and repressed, maybe depressive beings.. trying to hard to function within what's expected. i don't know, that's my opinion after analyzing the world of the 50-60 years olds.. something inside most of you, is repressed, get it out. stay true to yourself, listen to what your heart sings and not to the picture perfect.

[@imaamericangirl1406]

May seem funny or cute to get a reaction now… later maybe a whole other story. I know in my relationship it didn’t age well.

[@Voodoovixenn]

My parents are 30 years apart and I always hated it growing up. Mostly because my dad is a narcissist who preyed on a poor, 21 yr old immigrant who didn’t know English & married her within a month. For the longest time I was against age gap relationships because I thought the older person just wanted someone younger to manipulate but then i realized I was projecting my own experiences in to it. They’re still together now.. him 73, she 43. She’s pretty much his care taker now and I can’t help but to feel for my mom for having missed out on her younger years in life.

[@imaamericangirl1406]

I agree, I have a similar mindset and experience. My mom was 18 years younger than my father though versus the 30 with your parents. Mine had a very rocky marriage. And I thought it had a lot to do with their age difference. I thought my dad to be envious in a way of mother. She was young and beautiful and well admired as an artist, etc.. He was aging and often thought to be my grandfather. I ended up marrying someone about 11 years older than me and realize I married someone similar to my father. Even hearing similar put downs as I heard my father tell my own mother. History repeating itself. I guess I have found my own self warning my children to try and pick someone closer in age, that marriage is hard enough as it is.

[@DianasStudioDesigns]

Emotional age/stage and intellectual similarity are the most important factors for marital success. Bc the decisions and negotiations are almost endless. So their communication and willingness to make a lifestyle that works, are going to be more important factors than age gaps ~ and exactly the heart wants what it wants ...

[@wheelerainslie6]

Just an example, and using those 12 years as the trouble marker, the difference between a 22-year-old woman and a 34-year-old man is much larger than when the woman is 40 and the man is 52. Once the woman starts to get into her late thirties (assuming the man is older), that age difference starts to shrink.

[@emilyblanzy7426]

This is about my age difference. 10 year gap and it will b an 11 year age gap in a few months. What’s your perspective on the difference between a 22 yr old female and and 34 year old guy. I’m just curious bc I don’t really feel much of a difference

[@emilyblanzy7426]

@Romeo i do love him

[@gourabmukhopadhyay7211]

​@emilyblanzi feel the same.y7426

[@corihulet739]

My husband is 13 years older than me and we married after knowing each other for 7 months, just before my 20th birthday. So many strikes against us! We'll celebrate 35 years, this fall. He had no real romantic relationships before me. As with everyone, neither of us are perfect but we are perfect for each other.

[@fifibatman638]

The heart wants what it wants ♥️

[@chelongogan3904]

The heart is desperately wicked

[@evroadwarrior8408]

My mother was 20 years+ younger than my father and their marriage definitely was in a turmoil most of the time.

[@parler8698]

I've dated significantly older people, but sadly, the maturity level wasn't there. I would have been better off staying within or below my own age range.

[@manishkadam8291]

I m 43 and single no relationship after bad breakup I feel so happy

[@prashanthb6521]

Same boat but I am damn scared.

[@chanceDdog2009]

Another topic dr grande can cover is the children of these marriages. Growing up, people thought my dad was my grandfather. It did not affect me necessarily but was an experience many people do not understand.

[@jessierasberry3082]

Chance Whistler it would be really interesting to see a take on the kids who are the same age as the new spouse. It would REALLY bother me if either of my parents started dating a 20 something. I would probably cut them off, it just creeps me out intensely.

[@chanceDdog2009]

@@jessierasberry3082 that's a can of worms. Dad was actually a year older than grandma (my moms mom)

[@trillstina]

Same! My parents have a 20 year gap. Ppl will assume my dad is my moms father... my dad always says " no, but i am old enough to be her brother"

[@trillstina]

Also my dad is young at heart and my mom is an old soul

[@michaelpitt57]

I walked out of a relationship with my boyfriend who is 10 years younger than me 2 months ago and it absolutely shattered me there was a 10 year age difference but that wasnt directly the problem our problem was the drinking and his tendency to try to deliberately or not to be in control it ended up being me that realised the drinking was what was killing us he agreed with me I went home he went back on what he had agreed with me about regarding quitting the drinking for the sake of us

[@darkezt1]

I am one of the 1%, 17 yrs older than my husband, together 18 yrs

[@Seraphin.a]

My husband is 34 years older than me. We are happily married and have a daughter. I am 33 now and he is 67. He has so much baggage it’s quite tough for me. The toughest thing is knowing we will not grow old together and I will be alone. It makes me angry sometimes. Everyone told me that’s my future, widowhood. I heard it I knew it but I wasn’t prepared, I was too young to understand. Now he has cancer and his life will be even shorter than we expected. I don’t want him to leave me I’m not ready I’m too young to be a widow.

[@Four_Words_And_Much_More]

Dr. Grande - this is by far the best video/blog on age difference I have seen. The common problem with those who address this real issue is the black white or worse the automatic labeling that is common. One of the most common lies is that if there is 10 years or more, abuse of the younger is automatic by the older. I find that laughable. Yet it is a commonly held view especially in conservative cultures.

[@pocoeagle2]

Thanks for this video Dr. Grande. I always like reading the comments your viewers are posting. I know several people among my friends and also in my family with age gapes above 10 years in romantic relationships. True love is a strong emotion :-)

[@antoinettenovella1630]

Thanks for your valuable content Dr. Todd Grande. I am 17 years younger than my husband, a second wife and we are both from different cultures (he is English, I am of Northern European descent but living in Southern Hemisphere) He has a child from his previous marriage, although he is 25 now but still living with us. We are about to celebrate eighteen years together this year in October. Like any relationship it takes committment, tolerance and patience but it's worth the adversity, at least it is for us.

[@FreeDonaldTrump1]

Thank you for this video. It gave me a little bit of hope for a situation that happened to me recently. I thought it was completely impossible but I realize now that it’s possible. Very unlikely perhaps but as you mentioned the heart wants what the heart wants. I’m sure most people don’t set out to be in a age gap relationship but rather fall in love with someone completely by chance. My grandparents were in such a relationship, about 9 years I believe and they were married almost 7 decades. They actually shared the same birthday exactly 9 years apart. So it’s nice to know it’s possible. The heart may not get what it wants but it definitely wants what it wants!

[@williameddyonlocation]

I appreciate you doing this video. I’ve been in age gap relationships before. It was nice to hear a mental health professional give his take on the matter. It gave me both relief and a new perspective about things regarding age gaps in relationships. Thank you, Dr. Grande.

[@kathysullivan8780]

I love your videos, I was in a long term relationship ( started when I was 21).My partner was 27 years older . There were alot of good times but looking back on it I missed alot of life ( for one thing not having my own children.His son lived with us for 10 years, but it wasn't the same.Thankfully I finally left and met a wonderful man that I fe was my life love we were together for almost 25 years until his passing.Thanks for all your insightful videos.

[@teresabasinger5965]

I married my husband when I was 23. He was 37. We were married 32 years. He passed 28 months ago, after a short illness, at the age of 69. I've always acted mature for my age. Our age difference wasn't a problem during our marriage. Being a widow at this age, however, is the pits.

[@edwelndiobel1567]

Damn he died a little earlier than average. But we never know when someones gonna go do we?

[@Greeneggsandham123]

I dated someone older when I was young, but married someone only 2 years a part. Didn’t bother me at all when I was young, but now that we are getting close to 60, I am so thankful my husband isn’t old. I injured my back and can’t lift anything over 15 pounds. If my husband was 80 we would be in really bad shape and no way I could physically help him. It would also suck to have your husband retire while you have 20 more years of work. If your very old husband retires you lose your health insurance if you aren’t working. Life happens and you never know when one person is going to have an a health problem, doesn’t matter how good of health they are or you are when you get married. It would also suck to have your young spouse divorce you when you are 80 and really need them, to be left alone. It would also suck to be taking care of your elderly parents, young children, and and elderly spouse at the same time.

[@susanweaver2866]

I am 12 yeats older than my boyfriend. We love each other, for ten years now. It works.

[@paulfleblanc]

Sorry this is the same thing a couple of counselors told my wife (seeing them because of Panic attacks). That she was in denial and needed to end our relationship. She stopped seeing them, now we are married almost 20 years (24 year age gap). We are in absolute marital bliss still. After my first 2 marriages I never would imagine it could be this good and improving all the time. We are together 24/7, we worked as a couple for the past 12 years so we could always be together. Growing up she wanted to remain single because all she saw of marriage was the constant fighting and bickering . It does raise an eyebrows when people first meet us, but after they get know us we are just Tammy and Paul ...No different than any other couple, well except we hardly ever fight...

[@judithbernadotte5997]

Do either or both of you have children from previous relationships and inheritance issues?

[@kathydove3148]

Dr. Grande is such a good source of knowledge and wisdom. IMO, people need to do what they want to do. Stereotypes about who should marry whom need to be thrown out the door. Instead, the shared values and the maturity of the individuals is what matters. Are both people ready to enter into a relationship with someone older/younger. If yes, go for it! I always do ❤

[@ryansgirl2002]

Started dating my husband when I was 17 and he was 27. We married the minute I turned 18, he was 28, obviously. We are still together, happily married for 18 years.

[@lisalegato0109]

But you were a minor at 17. You sure he didn't groom you?

[@ryansgirl2002]

Given that 20 years later we are still very happily married, very much In love, and I'm the type of person that is blatantly and sometimes brutally honest and don't take any shit from anybody: it's safe to declare with 100% certainty that no, I am not nor was I ever groomed. Furthermore, let's just hypothetically say I was...let's just pretend for a moment that I'm wrong and a lifelong clueless victim of being groomed. If that were the truth then GOOD. If my situation is what grooming can look like then by all means, let the grooming commence nationwide! Because It sure as hell is a DRASTICALLY better, more positive, and healthy situation than what the vast majority of these girls and women are in. Nobody's married anymore, my multiple kids by various men that have vanished from their lives, living off the government and/or struggling at unskilled labor, childcare raises their kids...half of them have convinced themselves they "don't need no man" and are "strong independent women" or whatever. No more traditional families, no morals or values or normal upbringing of children. No thanks. Id take being groomed, never having to work outside the home in all these years, got to raise my baby with my husband and set a rare example for our child of what it's like to be married, I have never had to struggle or do without or worry how I was gonna pay bills.

[@kyon-kyon-]

@@ryansgirl2002 it’s okay to deviate from the hive mind. i’m very happy for you and your husband to have found each other. screw what people say. people these days have a strict way of doing things and if things aren’t done their way, they’ll call you out on it and tell you you’re wrong. but that’s not true. i agree, people these days want to be so free that if someone wants to settle down and be a traditional wife it’s a problem. i hate my generation when it comes to the groupthink attitude.

[@ashleypeterson460]

Met my husband when we were 20 and 30. I noticed the age gap a bunch in the beginning and always felt like I was being judged for being with a man 10 years older than me. Once I decided to let it go we’ve been AHHmazing!!! 7 years strong in a super compatible, loving relationship with 4 children. 🙌🏼

[@heidi7576]

I am on my 8th year of living and working in China. Here, I see many older men with younger wives or girlfriends. Chinese tend to not show their feelings and they can be hard to read. I’m not sure what they truly think of these types of relationships, but my assistants tell me that it’s usually about money. When I see say a 60+ year old man with a 20 something, hanging on his arm, I admit that I don’t have good thoughts. Having said this, my boyfriend of three years is 17 years younger than me. I love him to pieces. I’ve left every door open for him to leave me because I want him to be happy. It doesn’t bother him. It bothers me. I have the attitude to live everyday to the fullest and whatever happens, is going to happen. I try to enjoy it, but there is always the thought that time is limited under these circumstances. Thank you for the video.

[@LoviesLife]

My partner is 30+ yrs older than me, and honestly I really enjoy being with him. We've only got together a few months ago, but he's great.

[@jefferylimestone6920]

eewwwww

[@LoviesLife]

@@jefferylimestone6920 lmao I forgot I even left this comment 😂😂 we broke up and I'm dating someone my age now.

[@jefferylimestone6920]

@@LoviesLife lol good don’t waste your prime years on a viagra addict

[@babajaiy8246]

@@jefferylimestone6920 If a man knows how to take care of his health...viagra is not needed no matter how old.

[@juangomez8290]

I've been in a relationship where I am 30 years older then my girlfriend, she's 32 and I'm 61 and although I look like I'm in my low 40s at most the difference is still there. We've been together for about 3 years now it's been amazing in everyway, sadly we broke it off yesterday because she all of a sudden wants marriage and children and feels my age is an issue and it's something we never discussed in the beginning, needless to say it broke my heart because I had so much love for her and I know she felt the same towards me. Age difference of such a degree is an issue and although I'm totally crushed by her decision I understand to a degree

[@justinlancaster2854]

Sorry for your heartbreak.

[@WH2012]

See this poignant episode of SATC: "SATC | Season 6 | Episode 15 | Russian Warmth"

[@JaneCooper190072]

Yeah the older person really needs to be prepared for that. I'm 18 years older than my other half and I know he's going to want kids one day, and although I got pregnant I thankfully didn't get to term and lost it, but thank GOD though I would have been 46 when I gave birth, no thank you. NO this was only meant to be a booty call almost 7 years on we're still together. I wouldn't recommend it.. But we're used to each other and tbh I can't see either one of us leaving LOL

[@sk.n.9302]

I don’t mean to be harsh, but the writing was on the wall. Basically you had a great 3 years, which is ok. You sound kind & understanding, look for someone who can be w/ you from 60 to 80+.

[@ACAshworthCo]

My husband is 30 years older than I. I was 32 when I married him at 62. We had two children together. We've been married for 15 years and they have been the best years of my life. He says every old man in the world envies him (this isn't true, but whatever). I have had a stable life and the children adore their father. We have had problems like any couple, but none of them had anything to do with our age. He had major health problems but we made it together. He got up at night when the babies cried, and helps out, even though he's retired now and I work. We have a happy life in every way. I wouldn't trade him for someone younger EVER. This has been the best choice I made in my life.

[@jessicabenavides573]

My husband and I are 10 years apart in age. We just celebrated our 19th anniversary. It hasn’t been all sunshine and roses, however, it’s been memorable and I wouldn’t change our age gap or time we have had together for anything in the world!

[@milascave2]

I've been on both sides of this. With older women when I was young, and younger ones when I was older. none of them lasted more than a few months. But those few months were often really good. They made my life better than it otherwise would have been. So, as long as everybody is an adult, why not?

[@Sayerdify]

I think it comes down to the maturity on both and expectations from each other. My girlfriend has been happily married to her husband who is 10 years younger than she. I once lived (10 yrs) w/ a man 15 yrs older than me. The only issues I recall having was being with him around his friends and their wives and he wasn't very bright. So having deep intellectual conversations with him was not possible and that was extremely frustrating for me. With his friends he seemed 'old', but when it was just us he seemed younger than me.. No sexual issues. He was very fit and active. My husband was 11 years older than me. He was highly intelligent, far more than I. He was very active and physically fit and he was my other half. When he passed away I was literally lost. Our 11 year age difference made no difference. He was only in his 50's and incredibly fit when he fell ill so old age had nothing to do w/it.I honestly thought he'd easily outlive me. So there's no guarantee an older or younger or same age spouse/lover will get sick and die before you. I say if it feels right go for it. Love is love. Just don't have ridiculous expectations .

[@frankmalone1730]

I met my future wife when I was 60, but admittedly younger looking…and she was 30years old. She’s an attractive and fit Asian lady I met while working overseas.After I went back home we stayed in contact, she came to visit me 6 months later, we decided to stay together, don’t have kids and got married ! 18 years later we are still married, have our ups nd downs, never been unfaithful to each other, age difference was never an issue for us!

[@agingchill9012]

I've lived with women 10 years older and up to 25 years younger. Age never really mattered much ~ even stretched my music library (grin). But serious illness, severe accidents and disordered exes were gravely problematic. I found much of the now-older book 'The Invisible Partners, How the Male and Female in Each of Us Affects Our Relationships' a real eye-opener. Thanks Dr. Grande.

[@ellardyow5692]

I think that you handle the issue well. After being trapped in a long term, unhappy marriage, i find myself attracted to younger women, perhaps to re-live my life. I think "honesty" in a committment to make it work is important.

[@fatuusdottore]

Dude, 50% of relationships are DOOMED to divorce, and most of them aren’t age gaps. So. . . just don’t have relationships? 😂

[@nathangrant1824]

but 50% are successful in that they don't end in divorce. so, do have relationships!

[@limecat1057]

Be smart about who you marry 🤷‍♂️

[@robertoreyes4258]

@@limecat1057 be smart. Use science. You're sure to succeed, right?

[@limecat1057]

@@robertoreyes4258 Never guaranteed in any relationship, but a certain degree of logic is necessary.

[@robertoreyes4258]

@@limecat1057 That was my feeble attempt at sarcasm. I'm definitely not the relationship expert but based on observation, plenty of couple become roommates. There are the few who retain, maintain, nurture the chemistry or passion that was once there. It's an effort on both sides. Be "smart" for sure.

[@teatime3318]

I appreciate your point of view as to the workability of an age gap, and the couples that are realistic about those differences.

[@dedesunbeam9361]

My partner is 14 years younger and we've been together for 15 years. I'm a 68 year old female, he's 54. However, I dated a lot of younger men prior to meeting him, and he always had a thing for older women and mostly dated older women. The only age-difference challenge for us has been that in some areas, his views have changed as he's gotten older, and because he's gotten older - so they kind of catch up with mine. It's actually quite amusing. I tease him about it.

[@anm9059]

My last two relationships, there were large age gaps. Recent one, I was 15 years younger than the man; the relationship before that, I was 22 years younger. Both of these relationships were Narcissistic/Codependent dynamic relationships, so age was just one factor in the issues. This does not make me biased against large age gaps, and some of my girlfriends will even ask if I approve of their relationships. I tell them, that it really just comes down to respect. If the respect is not there, it is not going to work, and this will usually display after the honeymoon phase is over. You have to be friends too

[@nadiamordvinkin6310]

You are so right. I think that only narcissistic or sociopathic males and females can pretend in older age that they are "always and forever young" and pretend that they are so unexperienced like mate of they's children or grandchildren...

[@BlacPhoenix]

I was with a man 17 years older than me and this has been my experience. The honeymoon phase fizzled quickly (I’d say less than 3 months) and it just dragged for a few years after that. So dreadful. The heart does want what the heart wants, but I’d like to be logical moving forward, but like dr. Grande says if the two people want to make it work then meh idk

[@barbaraadams2645]

Nadia Mordvinkin Maybe it’s not pretending. What is “experience” anyway. It can make a person kinder.

[@nadiamordvinkin6310]

@@barbaraadams2645 Experience- it's luggage of knowledge about life, about people and about ourselves, that we own during our life time. Knowledge about many situations- what there mean and how to solve it. Etc'. It's not possible to erase it from the brain if you are psychologically healthy person. If you not so healthy in your psychology, your will like to pretend all the time and hide things even from yourself, you will afraid to be honest even with yourself !

[@barb7124]

My husband is nine years younger than me, but we make it work.

[@iroamalone6953]

Baby. No doubt😍

[@carolsteele7035]

My man is 10 years younger, no problem so far.😁

[@nonmihiseddeo4181]

If you ever watched Millionaire Matchmaker on TV, she said that 15 years older/younger was fair game, without being too young.

[@iammaximus614]

Yes, anything can work if both parties are willing to work & understand one another

[@lovelyxskinny]

So glad you wrote this! The man I'm with now is 9 years younger. I never even go for more than a couple years younger at most but it just happened because we have a lot in common and he's amazing so I'm glad to hear success stories 😁

[@icturner23]

When watching this, i was thinking more in terms of the different life experience that each brings to the experience, but I guess it's not just about milestones already reached but those reached during the relationship. It's harder to understand different points in life the further one is from them, especially the further ahead. So if one partner hits the hardest part of their career or starts to feel and look old long before the other, that could cause tension.

[@327Demi]

I’am happily married for 27 yrs to my younger husband. 12 years younger Yet no one could ever tell our age difference.

[@Lia-hd7rh]

thats encouraging. i like a co worker who's 11 yrs younger. but its not that obvious because most people think i look younger and he thought i was around his age while i thought he's like 5 yrs older than what he is (25) so in a way we kind of dont look that different. its just other people's opinions make it weirder

[@winternightmarecrochet]

My dad and step-mom have a 16 years age difference and while they've been married and seem relatively happy for over ten years now, and they started dating about 18 years ago, the main issues were conflicting values, but interestingly enough, those were not all because of age. My step-mom now has about the same age my dad had when he started seeing her and I'd say they're very different people. One comes from the city, the other has lived in small towns/almost in the woods for all their life. What's causing issue now, is as my dad is retired, he's starting to worry about not being able to do as much as he use to, and events happened that made it so a lot of his hobbies were compromised and that seems to have taken a toll on his happiness, maybe not specifically on their marriage, but life in general and I can already tell it's gonna be hard for them to get past this, even if she's very supportive. Also, she still has over 10 years to work and I think my dad is more worried about the fact that she'll be the only provider, even if lots of people would want to hire him for little jobs here and there. Also, they have a child who's 13 right now, and while his mom will still be able to take good care of her until he's ready to move out, his dad is already losing the ability to do lots of things and might not be able to be as close to him as he used to, doing lots of sports and outdoor activities. And as what an ideal retirement looks like, he seems to have taken on his wife's vision and trying to accept it, but I worry of how it will turn out for the future.