AITA For Refusing To Host Thanksgiving Because My Family... - Reddit Family Stories

AITA For Refusing To Host Thanksgiving Because My Family... - Reddit Family Stories
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AITA For Refusing To Host Thanksgiving Because My Family Keeps Using My House As A Free Hotel?
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For years, I hosted Thanksgiving for my family, and it went from something I loved to something I dreaded. My family treated my home like a free hotel-arriving days early, making a mess, and refusing to help. Last year was the final straw when I spent hours cooking and cleaning while everyone lounged, and my brother’s kids ate all the leftovers I’d saved.
This year, I said I wasn’t hosting. The guilt trips rolled in-my mom called me selfish, my sister made sarcastic comments, and my brother promised to “help” (again). Eventually, I caved, but with a twist. I told them to arrive early for a “surprise.”
When they showed up, expecting a feast, they were shocked to find nothing ready. I assigned tasks: peeling potatoes, prepping the turkey, baking pie, and even setting the table. Everyone protested, especially my sister, who claimed she’d come to “relax.” But I held firm-if they wanted Thanksgiving, they had to work for it. Begrudgingly, they all pitched in.
For the first time in years, I wasn’t running myself ragged. Dinner came together as a group effort, and I actually enjoyed it. Afterward, I made everyone clean up, which sparked more complaints. They grumbled that they’d expected a real “surprise,” not chores. When I said I wouldn’t host next year, they insisted I had to because no one else wanted to, but only if I did all the work again. I shut that down immediately, letting them know this was the new normal if they wanted Thanksgiving at my house. For once, I felt like I’d taken back control-and it felt amazing.
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#redditfamily #reddit #familyrelationships #redditstories

[@dulcilass]

OP could have handled the situation the way Joe, a friend of my brother did. Joe was a chef, therefore, he was stuck doing the feast because he cooked so well and nobody else in the family could handle the meal like he could. Well, after being imposed upon by his family for years, he told them that he was not going to do it anymore. He kept telling them "NO" but they kept insisting that it was his job. On Thanksgiving day the hordes descended on his house to find him gone. However, Joe had left a stack of paper plates, and throw away utensils, along with several pounds of sliced deli turkey, a several boxes of instant mashed potatoes, and stuffing mix . There were also cans of yams, cranberry sauce, along with mashed pumpkin, pie crust mix and the pie seasonings. Joe had also left the the address of a local restaurant that did a Thanksgiving buffet. Joe also left a note telling the family that he wasn't going to be back until January 15th so they would need to find another place to do Christmas and New Years Eve. When he got back the family exploded on him for his disregard of FAMILY TRADITIONS. He then informed them that he wasn't going to be around the family at all any more as he had sold his house and was moving. He'd gotten a much better job offer several thousand miles away.

[@Emjay_blackdogranch]

Joe is a legend

[@Ahalaia]

I love it, folks that mistreat the host don't see themselves as being the bad guys then blame the host when they fight back. I was thinking of commenting that OP and her family should go on a vacation at that time. Maybe even claim that is the only time her or her husband could get time off from work.

[@marlene1708]

Should have just said going to my inlaws this year. Since last 5 years I've been with you.

[@alanaw27]

Pizza, paper plates and lots of wine. Sounds great to me. Thankful to be together and share the meal with the people we love.

[@DonnaStevens-uo9vp]

Go on vacation , do not host!

[@saraharias2022]

No family members who cause stress like this would be welcomed in my home. They want another chance they would be required to bring a dish I assigned. As the host I do the Turkey. The brother could do ham and potatoes. That sister would do gravy and stuffing. The mom would do the vegetables and and those kids who played ball in the house would be cleaning and setting the table

[@kasm_nME]

Exactly! We all chip in and make sure our host/hostess isn't left with a mess of a house.

[@annnichols3091]

Should have told brother he was replacing that lamp and how much it costs.

[@Puffafish1]

Caffeinated squirrels, "I'm still laughing as I write this"🌻🌻

[@Miss_kitkat123]

Reminded me of Alvin and the chipmunks 😂😂😂😂

[@Ahalaia]

I love how OP managed it, when we'd have Thanksgiving, Christmas etc at my Busha's (grandma) everyone helped, the adults would bring drinks or a side dish or two. After the meal they'd clean up and the younger folks would do the dishes.

[@liltroop8287]

I soooo love this. Everybody got what they wanted and Op stood her ground and the family stayed together ❤

[@amethystanne4586]

Op&DH should plan a trip to a fun place, leaving the Friday before Thanksgiving and returning home the Sunday after the holiday. ETA I should finish listening to the video before commenting……. Well done, OP. I like your style!

[@lb-jg6rw]

That mom is horrible. 😢

[@jeffreyjeziorski1480]

And no one brought beer, wine, flowers, chocolates. Primo family!!

[@tomprosser8958]

Um, most occasions nowadays every brings something.

[@whattheelle360]

Why bother? They all sound horrible.

[@Emjay_blackdogranch]

Facts

[@trinaeads693]

Been there, done that! After discussing this issue with my husband, we decided that we would take a small vacation for Thanksgiving. It was wonderful ❣️. Now we do it every year.

[@sandhermit3665]

Don't plan to be home next year.

[@christinecary8413]

Do it back. I love having you guys here when you aren't sucking the life out of me. I love cooking for you guys just not doing it all alone. Cooking and cleaning for ungrateful people who take advantage of my generosity!!

[@ChaseVickers-l8i]

OP is semi weak. She let them guilt her unto hosting. She even bought everything, not even making them pitch, help paying

[@nimisilverbird1239]

Holidays happen even when you ignore them and dont host. Stop being a doormat.

[@nimisilverbird1239]

Nta. Stop hosting. Screw them. They would pay. Brother would be told off. His brats would be sent to their rooms. Meaning all of them would be made to leave . Sister would have her phone thrown out the door. Everyone out

[@paulnightwolf9043]

I would’ve said man I’m ordering pizza and it’s😂 delicious😂

[@Ahalaia]

or maybe make a really horrible thanksgiving dinner, when they complain say 'I just didn't have it in me after babysitting the kids, picking up after you guys like a maid, getting you what you wanted like a servant then having to cook the whole meal by myself...'

[@paulnightwolf9043]

@ or or do you like me just say hell no I don’t like your kids they tear up my house you’re obnoxious mom’s obnoxious everyone’s obnoxious and I love my peace and quiet, but that’s just me I could be wrong

[@deborahbutcher3933]

​@@paulnightwolf9043We are related. No question.

[@paulnightwolf9043]

@ 🤣 don’t got time for that kind of bullshit in my life, family or not😏

[@Ahalaia]

@@paulnightwolf9043 my parents loved their grandkids but every time they knew my one sis was coming with her kids they'd groan and roll their eyes. That sis did not discipline her kids or watch them, she expected everyone else to do it for her.

[@christinecary8413]

We always liked cooking as a family. Talking and laughing. Catching up. We never saw it as work. Females of the family helping, gossiping and talking of old holidays past.

[@MH_Prof]

You are co-dependent. Get therapy so you can look out for yourself without worrying and feeling guilty about how others feel about you looking out for yourself.

[@christinecary8413]

Yet none of them seem to care how YOU feel. So why should you care about their feelings.

[@Ahalaia]

NTAH and I'm sure pointing out all the extra work OP has to do won't help since the family attitude is 'I"M here to relax' . Maybe OP should say 'Okay I'll host but all of you need to get a hotel room to stay in since I don't have time for the extra work from overnight guests and no insulting remarks (then look at mom)'

[@naanaadjowa1106]

Best family together thanksgiving dinner

[@ladyweasellou3367]

...umm.... it never would have gotten that far worth me. That would have ended as soon as it started... If you are going to insist on inviting family that will come in to your home and act so selfish and inconsiderate then you need to learn how to manage such people. She says her overbearing mother inspected her tablecloth asked her: "Are you planning to iron this? It's embarrassing to eat on wrinkles." And so she had to stop what she was doing, take all the place-settings off to iron it. She absolutely should NOT have done that. She should have cheerfully responded with: "No. I do not plan to. I have a house full of people here too celebrate Thanksgiving! Since i am having to babysit their children right in front of them along with everyone else that's expecting to eat a massive meal they have not lifted even an eyebrow to lend any help to because they're 'here to relax'... sssoooo.... *hand her the iron* since I wasn't planning on it, it's incredibly sweet and so considerate that you have volunteered to iron and reset the table for me, all so we won't be embarrassed! You're always such a sweet mother! I love you! Thank you so much!" You have to manipulate and corner them just like they will do to you. This woman raised you so just take a minute to think. you know how she works and what kinds of things she will do. Twist it back on to her in a way they can't wiggle. So when she criticizes your cooking after everyone else had praised it (she did that out of jealousy. Everyone complimented you) and she follows up with: "You should try my recipe next year it's fool-proof." You answer with: "Oh, you're so nice! I can't do all of this again by myself next year with out a single finger raised in assistance! But since you say you're recipe would be so much better anyway, I'll take you up on that offer! Next year you can do the Turkey! You're such a lifesaver, thank you so much mom!!"

[@mpmansell]

I wouldnt warn them. Id just go away. Have a complete posting outlaying all the above, to be made public when they scream.

[@nighthawk5588]

You should tell your sister that pizza is amazing

[@rb5174]

My tip….Set it at double playback speed as not much happens

[@jellypopeye7971]

My tip....you can do it yourself

[@XxilysmxX]

​@@jellypopeye7971 They aren't saying it for the video. They're telling all of us that we can if we want because not much happens

[@susanking9033]

Spend Thanksgiving away. Just tell them i won't be hoating and won't be home

[@christinecary8413]

I would have said you could have softened. I am not the only person who knows how to cook.

[@christinecary8413]

Tell them sure. Then make food for you and your husband and eat locked in your bedroom.

[@nimisilverbird1239]

Why cant mom host again? Her oven was broke the first year. Bet it isnt broke anymore. Send an invite with moms address. Sister and bro can stfu or stfo

[@christinecary8413]

Sure, host. But don't cook. Use the excuse that it's at my house. Why should I have to cook too with no help. So get in their and cook or we don't eat.

[@christinecary8413]

Wow, the mom sounds like my gram used to be. But all the women helped cook when we had Thanksgiving at grams. The guys went out deer hunting.

[@paulnightwolf9043]

This dude is weak. He is a disappointment.😂😊

[@lorilyons3416]

Longest boringest whine

[@feral_girl]

Terrible AI Need better voice and timing.

[@adrat8339]

You do realize you are TA because your tale starts with the picture of great memories. The problem with that tale is that you are saying the situation your mother has been living with the for years is now the very thing you are complaining about. It's OK for her to live it but not you? Thanksgiving and home were her responsibility alone, but that was blissfully fine with you. You get a small taste of her previous burdon and now that is an untenable situation, share that fact with the family, by recounting the story from the start.

[@jellypopeye7971]

Was it mentioned that the Mom handled Thanksgiving all alone every single year?

[@adrat8339]

@@jellypopeye7971 Here is a direct quote "I used to love Thanksgiving it was my favorite holiday no gifts no pressure just good food good company and the Cozy warmth of Home. Growing up, my mom always made it feel so special, she'd wake up at the crack of dawn to start cooking, the house would smell like roasted turkey and cinnamon and the day felt magical." The first year I hosted Thanksgiving, "my mom's oven broke less than a week before Thanksgiving it was a disaster she was panicking about how she'd cook everything." Note: Mom, not We got up at the crack of dawn to cook. Then the oven broke 5 years ago, the rest is history.

[@Emjay_blackdogranch]

Mom is an ass regardless. She may have been a doormat and taught her daughter to be, as well. The constant critical comments make mom 100% a jerk. I would banish them all

[@adrat8339]

@@Emjay_blackdogranch 💯

[@LauraCordes]

What are you talking about? Why should the OP be responsible for feeding and hosting everyone? Mom has two other children. Why do they get a pass from doing unpaid holiday labor?