AITA for telling a girl that I won't date her because she's a single mother?

AITA for telling a girl that I won't date her because she's a single mother?
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1:39 top comments + OP's reply
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[@MrWilson812]

"I hate the idea that I might have made her feel bad about something she can't control " She chose to be a mother. Having a child was entirely within her control, and there are consequences to making that choice.

[@mikeyman1974]

Yeah not sure why he would say she didn’t have control over it.

[@jasonrustmann7535]

​@@mikeyman1974 because society has removed any sense of responsibility for women.

[@mogbp7775]

Didn’t it state that the boyfriend passed? Was that the baby daddy? If that’s the case then yes, it is out of her control. Otherwise, you’re right.

[@mikeyman1974]

@@mogbp7775 it said the father wasn’t involved at all that doesn’t mean he is dead

[@mogbp7775]

@@mikeyman1974 the child is 3, and the boyfriend passed 2 years ago. I don’t know any guy who is willing to date a girl with a newborn, it is VERY hard work the first year. Hardly any sleep, many milestones, breastfeeding, postpartum depression, etc. the list goes on. All I can think is it is the father, and most likely it is. Why else would the OP also say it wasn’t in her control? I don’t think he truly believed having a baby wasn’t in her control.

[@Emmanuel-ws3qo]

why should he be sorry? if he's not ready he's not ready

[@coolbeans3752]

She has no right to force that responsibility on him. NTA It would've been worse if he lied.

[@bakayaru001]

She should be happy that this guy is straight up honest and doesn't pull her along just for a ride.

[@sisira.p]

If she had a kid she should have told you the first day you guys started dating.... That clearly shows that she is trouble

[@futureheartsherald]

It's a preference, he has a choice, just like she did.

[@jennyjanejacob]

NTA. He had a choice.

[@UltimaBlank]

NTA. Unfortunate that the situation turned out like this but time to move on

[@bear.b]

He did the right thing, he was honest and straightforward. She might have been hurt which is normal but I think the judgement comment came from the friend not from her. The girl probably feels sad as she genuinely liked OP and him being honest and upfront shows he’s a good person.

[@johnrussell5592]

It definitely should, you're 100% correct, but when someone is on the receiving end of news like this, emotions, not level-headed logic, reign.

[@evavocative6975]

NTA - The girl should have been UPFRONT in the first place that she has a kid. I think it was shitty of her to hide in the first place. OP is a good man for not leading her on further by saying that he's not willing to step into a step-parent role. That is a valid reason for not wanting to date someone.

[@100nitrog]

She’s probably going to have to wait about 7-9 more years to find someone willing to take that on.

[@somechannel2461]

Idk it is her feeling not yours You should not feel ashamed of her feelings couse it is not yours one And u had ur own Interest that does not include her

[@mikeyman1974]

You’re not bad for being honest she chose to sleep with her ex and have the child it was completely within her control and the fact she didn’t tell you from the start would lead me to suspect she knew it would be an issue

[@Scrantonicity2]

He’ll nah bro she waited so long long to tell you, that a red flag for sure cause she’s well aware what will happen, plus you really don’t t want that baggage at such a young age, live your life and do you, don’t settle for a single mom

[@Colton-wz5sh]

Hell*

[@Doctor-vn8es]

Same old story. Most women say that they want honesty in a man. It's what they value most. Until they actually get it.

[@VergilTheLegendaryDarkSlayer]

NTA Kids are baggage and a burden when it comes to dating Especially very young kids

[@MrEKOPriest]

What does he mean she has no control of. She had a choice to get pregnant.

[@SlideRulePirate]

Her boyfriend has 'passed' has he? Have you seen the body?

[@samanthavereen3926]

She should have been on his up front instead of waiting weeks later.

[@cohina8476]

Maybe give her a sincere sorry and tell her that you’re still figuring out your life and just aren’t ready father her kid. Tell her you’re not being judgmental, you’re just not ready.

[@Pikaman20008]

I mean it seems like he did when he broke things off with her

[@Emmanuel-ws3qo]

why should he be sorry? if he's not ready he's not ready

[@cohina8476]

@@Pikaman20008maybe, but the way he worded it doesn’t seem so. Or maybe my reading comprehension is just bad,

[@cohina8476]

@@Emmanuel-ws3qojust to be nice, maybe?

[@DefeatedElite]

​@@cohina8476 no onw is OBLIGATED to be nice to anyone. Chivalry is deqd and women killed it. She made her decision to be chad & tyrone's meatholes for use and now she's a single mom. Not his responsibility.

[@oldevilgreendog]

It's fine to date a single mother if she is a widow and her child(ren) is/are from marriage (well, not if she is back to dating right after fuernal). All other cases - chick goes straight up to trashbin. From the start or after some test-drive. Or(!) she can disown her child(ren) and be a free woman. As we can see, there are some options, actually.

[@Colton-wz5sh]

Widows are not an exception

[@Colton-wz5sh]

Its not fine

[@oldevilgreendog]

@@Colton-wz5sh zoomers see no difference between slut and widow?

[@BI-11y_TheStormTrooper]

Ntah, you was honestly and polite about the whole thing. Also being a single mom is something she could have prevented by keeping it in her pants or using the dozens of contraceptives at her disposal. Condoms are readily available for everyone even if you have trouble with the different types of birth control and side effects.

[@forgedude]

OP needs to watch some Men Red Pill Contnet lol

[@Hoki4]

Never ever start to date a single mom, unless you're ready to take care of the kid financially and using time on that kid. The mom and kid will always be package deal and there is no way around it. Sure these women will say they're not looking for a father for the kid, but it will always go into that direction that they start asking for small favors here and there, pay for this and that and soon you notice that everything has changed. Having a kid with a man who doesn't want to raise a kid is the biggest god damn failure and mistake a woman can make. And its such a clear red flag for me to stay far away as possible from women with kids. I will never have anything to do with a woman that has a kid already.

[@mogbp7775]

The kid is 3, the ex boyfriend passed 2 years prior… using a little of that tiny brain of yours would tell you that the father isn’t involved because HE DIED. That’s not a failure, that’s a tragic situation. She’s a single mom because something terrible happened. At least the father got to be in the child’s life for a year before god ripped him away. Go read some more and get back to being an incel.