INTJ Fe Polr (Communication, Humor, Group Dynamics)

[@tinabrown4330]

I am an INTJ Kindergarten teacher. I have had to learn how to give compliments or positive feedback to children, because just saying "Good Job" or "Nice", etc feels insincere because I don't feel it. Instead I give very specific compliments, such as "I love all of the colors that you are using on your paper." I do put smiley faces on their papers, but that is just to satisfy the need to place a grade on their paper and kindergarteners don't receive number grades. I don't think to create holiday celebrations or create crafts. I focus in on what I am supposed to be teaching the students and try to do it in an efficient and fun way. I'm not into the fluff. Good thing I have an assistant that will think of those things!

[@DanielTunnicliffe]

When I was in school I would regularly "pretend" to argue in favor of political positions that I thought to be absurd, since I thought it was quite funny, and I that it was clear that I was joking by the manner in which I spoke. Apparently people thought I was serious.

[@amarilismelendez7878]

Reminds me of something I said I thought it was funny. So I went to a shady looking gas station, and there was a lady in line and she seemed quite nervious. So she was talking about that she needs cigarettes to calm down and was rustling around which color the lighter she wanted. So right after she paid for it, she just found she already had a lighter. So I droped "Hey now you have double the fire power." She just blank stared and I giggled and she giggled a bit back after getting it. But I felt like it was a 50/50 toss of the coin. 😰 That was a close one.

[@anneh851]

That joke seems to me funny and easy to understand.

[@stevemcgee99]

What might not be understood by Fe polr is how inappropriate it was to interject an unexpected comment to a nervous person who just completed their engagement in a creepy place and was ready to be gone. Especially when your demeanor is like Dexter. 😅

[@PathosConsultingGroup]

I think the hardest thing about being an INTJ is watching how in love our culture is with Fe and feeling like it’s so completely out of reach for us

[@christinechew6236]

And then people will point out that what Fe polrs do or say is not appropriate and socially acceptable cuz they being too honest with how they feel.

[@DanceMotherSuperior]

God bless husbands of INTJs. So grateful mine usually gets my jokes and reciprocates appropriately! 💗

[@Mx.Chowder]

I'm a younger INTJ who had to work an internship today where I worked with children, and I noticed that when I complimented the children on what they were working on, I was able to find something specific and positive to say about a couple of kids. I figured out very quickly that it was because they were working on an art assignment, and I am an artist. I was able to tell a student that "I really like the pattern you made, it reflects the actual real-life symmetry of a butterfly," or "that's a really meticulous and thought-out way of coloring, I really like it!" The reason being was because I actually have a passion for things like that, and thus a developed eye for spotting them. What I'm saying is "Not Fake," isn't a contrived or insincere description of it; especially since there were some students who didn't get a compliment at all.

[@stevemcgee99]

Everyone has their gifts. You shared yours.

[@malibustacys80085]

The humour thing depends on who you ar talking to. In my experience XNTPs normally get these jokes and like to play around with different levels of darkness. But I also noticed with other people who didn't find it funny, that I thought I had to explain the joke, what didn't made Situations better.

[@saima5116]

I love the luscious plant!

[@calmingbabysleep1256]

I'm an INFJ and I think I relate soo much more to an INTJ these days (at 28) I also thought I have a higher standard of humor and don't call people my friends- but I think I have a higher standard of what a " friend" is. I was speaking to a cousin about mbti who automatically thought I am a thinker rather than feeler because this is the side I show others. Only those closest to me ( like 3 people) will know I am truly a feeler and won't show my emotions to others ( unless they erupt like a volcano) My jokes are also off the mark haha. I think this came from having an ISTP mom and ENFJ father. I use to be closer to my father and came across as an ENFJ with INTJ characteristics, now that I am close to my mom I think I come across as an INTJ with INFJ characteristics. Weird. I have Fe (2nd spot) but don't like hugs, displays of emotion/ affection. I do crowd source information ALL THE TIME. I come across as warm but HATE asking for help, but love giving it. I had an INFP boyfriend who asked me " why do I always have to look for advice from others" I took such offense to that because I have always valued getting feedback and measuring my responses to the group. I think he was very annoying in that sense. Being in a relationship with him wasn't all that good for my outlook on life. So negative, arrogant, isolating. I think Fe is more beneficial

[@2322zelda]

Yea, about the authenticity thing, I used to say "K" in response to a text because it would be what I would say if I were to respond IRL and I didn't think that would be a problem, would come off rude, or at least be understood. But apparently it's not a socially acceptable response for some people, so I stopped and resorted to the automated messages new phones give you the option to respond with. Lol

[@Hammerbruder99]

My way of communicating via texting without coming off as rude: I just put ^^ symbols after every second or third sentence. 😅 So I can just reply with "OK ^^" and everything is fine. ^^

[@BuizelCream]

​@@Hammerbruder99I love using emoticons because it helps me to sound animated ^^ My texts tend to be constructed so formally, so without emoticons I might be mistaken as too serious or too professional with how I communicate 😅

[@KHudCh]

I found myself here as I find it truly painful to want to be there for the people around me, especially when they go through tough times, and being unable to express any compassion and emotional support.. how can we feel so deeply but the only thing that comes out is a cold, logical solution to an emotional problem? 🤦‍♀️ As an INTJ lady, I feel so useless in supporting others in an effective way, as I see so many people doing effortlessly, people who may not even care as much! I just wish our close people could tell that we genuinely care about them even when we're crap at expressing it with words 🙏

[@shaneaverystarr]

Thanks for this video, as it further solidifies my understanding of my own typing (ISTJ). I can totally relate to not being able to fake it, which I usually describe inaccurately by saying I wear my heart on my sleeve as in everyone can tell what I'm thinking but the way you describe it is more refined. I also relate to working most things out independently as opposed to sharing recommendations with others. Finally, I understand what you mean by social context. When I'm at a gathering, my way of mixing with people's by helping with something or fixing something that's needed like taking out the trash or setting the table or putting things away, etc, as opposed to keeping things going by keeping the mood up.

[@xanthie413]

Of all the cognitive functions, Fe makes me roll my eyes the most. It just makes my skin crawl at times. I understand it’s use and even employ it at times when necessary but the idea of worrying about or catering to everyone else’s feelings and needs, especially above my own, makes me want to run for the hills. I’ll just tell people to fuck off if I have to. Everyone in my life knows not to cross a certain line and not to dump their unnecessary bullshit on me. I’ve not yet settled on my type even though I get INTJ on all these tests and from the studying I done. I also heavily relate to ENTJ. I’m not ambitious in the outside world but I identify with the personality traits of an ENTJ to a T.

[@notavideographer]

Giving compliments is hard for me too. So.... Great video :D

[@jessenoreligionno5731]

When we tease people they automatically assume we are being serious!!! Got this paused at 1019 to see if we have it exactly the same or not. This happens to me all of the time.

[@stu6097]

Please do a whole video with all the bad jokes you remember doing. Think of it as therapy. Bad jokes and bad timing IS funny and endearing! :)

[@deborahdavis8632]

I am laughing while listening to your explanation/description of telling jokes and humor. I’m sure it’s not funny to you, but you are funny. Telling jokes or being humorous is tricky business. I’m sure the most famous comedians will testify to that. I learn something every single time I listen to, and watch, your videos. You have an intelligent humor that I find refreshing. So keep on being funny and laughing. 🤣😂🤣😂

[@matthewedwards6025]

Wow, the part about lacking Fe makes philanthropy harder seems true. I think a big part of the process for others is the sense of community participation they get, though that also feeds the cynicism angle about what the "actual" purpose of the exercise is.

[@loisemiu]

Hi Alexis, I really like your videos. They always contain the "essence" of what you want to interpret, and your observance/knowledge is unique, edgy, minimalistic, elegant and unbiased. To an audience like me it's like appreciating new information in a very efficient and no bullshit way, without feeling consumed or forced into the video's mindset, which most MBTI youtubers don't have (to me). I love your niche. I understand your uncommercial contents might be slower to reach audiences but surely at one point it will. Sending all the love :)

[@jordanholstein8023]

I notice that IXTJ’s rarely and genuinely express their emotional states though you know they’re mad or uncertain or sad. If you find one doing that it’s very painful for them I can tell. Also when you go to an ISTJ for example looking for a nice emotional support they sometimes try but they’re just very truthful and logical

[@snorlax6691]

Yes, this entire video is very relatable! I can relate to the dark humor bit, since my humor is somewhat twisted and I think I freaked one of my friends out a little bit the other day because I was laughing at Mortal Kombat fatalities because they’re just so comically overdone. And in regard to the bit about caretaking… yeah, don’t come to me. I’m not good at being all sweet and nice to someone who’s had a bad day, or even when they’re sick, it’s not a problem I can resolve for them. I’ll listen to people’s problems and offer my solutions, usually in the form of “Well, this is what I think you should do to resolve this,” after considering the possible approaches to the problem. Oh, and hugs, or really, any physical contact feels extremely awkward until I’m very close to someone and I feel that I’ve allowed them in my circle.

[@mamu7976]

I love your semi dark humour! But then I'm an INTJ. 02:46 'I think other people are just kind of dumb and that's why they think more things are funny so they laugh more...' LOL Don't say that in public though, because 97.5% of people are not INTJs and may be offended by being called dumb. LOL. Seriously though, smiling more, improves your relationships with people and they then make your life easier, then you get more help, then you achieve your goals faster. So INTJs who don't play the Fe game, have to work much harder to achieve their goals.

[@gabeebrandao]

I'm trying to make compliments and saying positive things too. And saying to people I care about them. Without being fake. People also think I don't like them and I don't like my boyfriend too. We INTJ's are so misunderstood. Great video btw!

[@InappropriateShorts]

15:02 Life is the feedback. If we’re not getting the result we expect, we probably did something wrong/missed something. Omg this is just like math...

[@BlackSailPass_GuitarCovers]

My stand-in for Fe is learning about MBTI types through internet memes and then applying that to everyday situations LOL

[@mirinae_]

Oh my god, the part about the jokes was so relatable.. I have this problem with my customers that when I'm explaining them the rules for laser tag or talking to them after the game and try to make some joke and it might be about the customer I'm talking with (usually they have said something about themselves first) and then I see on their face that they don't realize I'm just trying to mess with them in a friendly way. And it's because I simply might forget to actually smile and use my customer service voice. :D . And then I'm like fffff I hope this doesn't affect they way they see my business because I don't want bad reviews. :D

[@Rich2B1]

Great video, You seems to hit on things I am working with and trying to grow my Fe, but I think I am really using Te and Se to try to gain the effect of having Fe. This seems to works most times but I have noticed recently that it is very mechanical at best. If I give you a compliment, it is not my true feeling in most cases. It's more a condition that I have learned others want to hear.

[@katherine_marie12]

I know this comment is 2 years late but I don't think you should stress about being more Fi. Both functions have the power to be equally compassionate or unkind depending on the health of the person. They just do different things. Over the years it's actually been mostly Fi and Ti users who have shown me the most compassion when I really needed it. I think an Fe can really be powerful when they are advocating for those in the room who are more likely to get overlooked and Fi can be really powerful to help Fe (or anyone) slow down and show them it's okay to have negative emotions and actually process them. Also, I believe not being able to fake it is a positive. I think many can actually pick up on when Fe isn't genuine and it doesn't make the other person feel that great.

[@24hrdiner]

ENFP's do not have Fe in their stack and Fi in their second slot however they are nothing like INTJ's. They are warm, fun, friendly, charismatic and social, so the reason you are not must be due to other reasons than not having Fe.

[@icosahedron]

I've always liked dark humor where the play of shadows comes out because it means light is there even when it's not expected to be. Someone might paint a situation all black, but humor can point out a color cast or a little bit of the canvas peaking out. There's flashes of joy to find like taking a submarine into the depths and being awed when you spot one of those glowing fish. It's not a place most people want to go, but you can see great stuff you never otherwise would. The problem is, I don't always have the awareness to not laugh when others say something funny while telling their dark narrative. I think it gets interpreted as making light of their whole story and not taking them or the situation seriously.

[@INTJames]

This hits me deep it sort of annoys me when other types just laugh at something that isn't actually funny it feels so disingenuous. When you said you feel they're just not as smart and that's why they think small things are so hilarious to the point that they crack up I've thought that so many times. My jokes often take way too many steps/references to arrive at the same conclusion as I did so I've been trying to simplify my joking lately lol. I also can't fake emotions I need to be genuine.

[@genevievedisemelo5584]

yep i agree so much, like yeah i'll chuckle as a recognition that a joke has been told but laughing at an unfunny joke feels insulting, and i feel insulted when people do it to me.

[@gabeebrandao]

18:55 great advices for INTJ's

[@parmenides9036]

I have this exact problem! I can't find people to play board games with me 😭 That's about the only use *I have* for Fe 😋 Fe feels like a pendulum where you can use fakery to get certain things but that pendulum comes flying back when people realise you were not being authentic "You were only nice to me in order to get ....!", other people who directly experience Fe more strongly can utilize it much more effectively creating social movements and the kind of group dynamic that they desire, socially ostracizing competitors etc....

[@LuisPerez-gr3eo]

So sad! I really felt identified with most of that, i would really like to be more engaging when in a group to be able to get them to focus in my ideas/games/topics/etc. in the social way (Like in the board game example), but almost everytime end up ignored and feeling stupid (when in social dynamics) :cccc - XNTJ

[@MrTrashcan1]

Ni is not curious about other people. That would be Fe. I can't see INTJs being curious about other people. The word the comes to mind as I think of INTJs is "uptight." They are secretive and guarded, probably because of inferior Se--they are insecure about their perception of others. That's why it's less natural to smile and laugh. As an INTP, I smile naturally when interacting with people, and will easily laugh at funny things. Child Si is the function responsible for being self-conscious--the source of physical awkwardness and being tongue-tied---but once the ice is broken (especially if the ice is in an alcoholic drink), I am at more ease with others.

[@makotoi.9142]

Thinking I might be an INTJ because I can relate the most with PolR Fe, except for a few things that might have been a result of my social anxiety 😂 like I've noticed how relationships work in any group in a rational way, and I have an idea of what I should do most of the time, but I never hit the right emotional note XD it's awkward

[@kindedge]

‘My friend’ … if I’ve known you since childhood and spent 24-7 together… that is ‘my friend.’ E’s meet someone once and say ‘meet my friend!’

[@HighFiveFriend]

"People just listen to Fe". 🙌🏽. High "5" friend :). Completely LOVE your content and binge watch when I can! Fellow teacher checking in on you and wanting to connect further. I don't do Instagram 🤷🏽‍♀️ ... My contact info is on my 'about' page. Hope to hear from you! Sandy 5w4 (And the comments about INTJ humor LOLOLOLOLO. yup)

[@jennahudson3420]

I’ve been diving into Fe as it is in my 4 stack but is lower. I’ve been trying to understand it a bit more. I have a daughter who is a high Fe user and a son who is a high Fi user and they are young and a little immature in their expression. I can see a night/day difference on how these are expressed. I can pick out Fi and Fe users quite easily now. The world prefers and has a much easier time with Fe users, even the less mature Fe users. Very interesting 🤔

[@martinazivai]

Awesome video! I feel like we're on the same page. For the last year, I've been trying to be more present so when I'm having a conversation with someone - doesn't matter who might be - I establish eye contact, it makes me feel grounded, therefore I tend to zone out lesser now. Though, when it comes to making fun of anything I'm always the last one to catch it and my jokes aren´t the best for social interactions. I think there's only one person with whom I can genuinely laugh because we're pretty similar in this regard. Some times I fake it to not be the one with no sense of humour in the aisle but something screams inside of me when I do that... It's still awkward.

[@UrbanArtCentral]

Expand on your topic, I wish you could do a topic on jokes you observed by different types:)

[@ArtyAndy77]

This is hard for so i am going to try. Here you go. I dont dislike your video. Phew there i said it.

[@jessenoreligionno5731]

For me the meaning of life is to ensure the continuation of life, to procreate and for us humans, to expand life beyond the borders of the planet Earth. The second part would be more like a purpose of our existence but I'm sure you know what I mean.

[@fanistassopoulos4812]

Great examples. I can identify with allot of what you described. One thing that has helped me is being conscious of my weakness in this area.

[@mousinius]

yes, I do think everything is funny -entp

[@realSimoneCherie]

I feel like 90% of this video also applies to me as entj

[@2322zelda]

You can socially engineer Fe and still suck at it 😁

[@jessenoreligionno5731]

Waiting for the cognitive trolls to talk crap about this video, because when I commented the same things, they came in droves. Love how quick these pseudo-intellectuals are to try to sound smarter than the average bear. LMAO. Where are you TROLLS?

[@bett8762]

Hello. What's your enneagram type? I'm considering myself to be an INTJ 5w4 and for me drilling through my emotions is not something easy(on the other side the Fe-Ti users seemed more comfortable with thinking about their emotions). I have recently found out that I tend to misunderstand my own feelings. So for me analyzing/using Te on my feelings requires conscious effort, and I'm relating this with being type 5. You said about how you would try to figure out the root of emotions (at 8:35). Is this tendency something you have worked on to develop or was it natural from the beginning?

[@qua7771]

Your dark humor would work around military men.

[@SrikantShirisha]

Some of things you mention are because of you being an immature INTJ. Please don't generalize. I laugh a lot not because of my Fe but because I believe it is good for my health. I tend to give credits at times to my kid when I believe he tried inspite of him not being very successful at it. Mostly because of my belief that positive reinforcement makes you improve.

[@aishaa6012]

I relate to this

[@ammanuelroberts5965]

best way to learn MBTI?

[@djenius111]

I'm an INTJ and my dark humor always hits. It saves me in new social settings when people are still trying to see if I'm actually human. Once I make everyone laugh I get the invite to the cookout. Girls just aren't that funny lol

[@jessenoreligionno5731]

The one thing fake people hate the most........... Getting called out for being fake. They are fake Alexis, don't make excuses for them.