Tom Segura - Scared Straight

Tom Segura talks about this episode of Scared Straight.
Original Link:
• BIKES!
Thought that I would change it up today.
Based on the multiple award-winning documentary "Scared Straight!" from executive producer Arnold Shapiro, "Beyond Scared Straight," much like the original, profiles unique juvenile crime prevention programs in prisons across the U.S. Each hour-long episode follows a handful of at-risk teenagers as they attend a program, which includes an intensive one-day session in a prison. A month later, the teens are asked what, if any, lasting impressions the program had on them. Some change their ways following the experience while others continue down the same path they were on before.

[@thishollowhill]

Whoever cut this together is a legend

[@clay_freespirit]

I think you are a legend, Kyle

[@AMillsOnRS]

Whoever cut this together is in jail

[@NoRushin]

First time huh

[@samuelwoods164]

I think they mostly do Bill Burr videos and may actually work for Bill now but yeah, he is very good.

[@Idontwannahandl]

Allenpalin?

[@eileenmaher2101]

"What's up? I run sixth grade!" Cracks me up every time.

[@angeofdeth6552]

Sad thing is first dude wasn't scared at all he's a real thug, he going to be running a gang later if he doesn't change.

[@ChaudharyAakarsh]

He got that from Joey Diaz, who said "I run Burbank airport several times on podcast and with Bert"

[@barryreichert]

it just cracked me up again when I read your quote

[@marcywiththegoodhair4365]

'I HATE BREAKFAST' 😂😂😂

[@RichV20]

American History X seemed a bit too old to be there. He was probably old enough to be going to Cornell.

[@mikelobes3659]

"HO...MA....POCKET!!!" Absolutely nailed that voice 😂😂😂

[@hoodjiujitsu3834]

Hold on bitch

[@dreadheaddrevapebox6840]

Lawd! 😂

[@IronGazille]

Maaan

[@jordass2]

Lmao the way you typed it made me laugh hard, spot on

[@br6768]

I saw this live and uncut as a teenager in 99' on MTV

[@cpmow831]

The kids who go in acting the toughest come out in tears. I love it

[@alexb2351]

So many young people need an experience like this today in 2023.

[@GrgAProduction]

@@alexb2351100%. More than ever. Even more than then.

[@mopnem]

@@alexb2351 The kdis are the kids that were "scared straight" but go off for some easy likes.

[@Dad-lu1oi]

@@alexb2351 No they don't

[@alexb2351]

@@GrgAProduction true!

[@WadeWilsonDP]

I once yelled "HOLD MY POCKET" at someone during a drunken discussion and they had no idea what the hell I was talking about. Thank you, Tom Segura.

[@TheGodfather441]

just like me with "get your fucking shinebox" i use it constantly lol

[@dudebro5527]

Yeahhh, see it depends on who you know because there are people, like myself and my friends, who know what that means without Seguras hilarity... its hella disrespectful

[@lKILLA]

@@dudebro5527 lmao why would it be disrespectful? if you know inherently what that means i feel like it wouldnt be disrespectful. if youre a dude in prison telling another dude to hold onto your pocket. youre probably the piece of shit.

[@KidA712]

@@lKILLA big fucking facts dude.

[@mikehamer1091]

Careful who you say that to

[@bradjones1449]

Tom's "THE FUCK YOU TOOK?" was dead on balls accurate

[@AAAA-nv5cf]

SHUT UP

[@9009matorres]

Dead on balls accurate???

[@AdiDoinStuff]

@@9009matorres It's an industry term XD

[@pohunta]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@blacktoothfox677]

Yeah i caught that!

[@TheHehe1223]

The legend Allen hitting us with that portfolio diversification

[@unitedwestunt]

He knows you gotta diversify your bonds. Wu Tang Clan ain't nothin to fuck with!

[@killer4real1]

Haha!

[@jayhernandez9395]

Diverse your bonds, Ninja.

[@olli3n]

TheHehe1223 YES! More please!

[@kingpin6989]

You gotta diversify your bonds nigga.

[@h.donnellgrayiii4276]

THANK YOU WHOEVER DECIDED TO DIG UP THE ORIGINAL FOOTAGE AND DO THE EDITING FOR TOM'S NARRATIVE. WE NEED MORE OF THIS

[@TheRealCaptainFreedom]

Allen Palin is in prison right now.

[@strictlybizb7791]

Bowl cut was like "Nope, no more crime for me. This is the last time I'll ever have to hold a pocket."🤣

[@WTC7]

He probably hated all blacks after that

[@gypseetim]

no mo BIKES!!?! neither xD

[@AhYesIndeedItsFunTime]

he's currently in prison actually

[@scootaymildo1070]

I guess dick for breakfast didn't sound all that appealing...

[@Magneticitist]

Yea they all laughed and punked his lil bitch ass but somewhere in there was a genuine grown man desire to scare these kids out of the path they were on. Bowl cut should have listened, but then again he seemed way too willing to hold those pockets.

[@sofakingtired9839]

Little did people know is that the kid with the Cornell university Sweater, turned his life around went to Cornell, joined a accapelle group and later became a manager at a paper company called Dunder Mifflin

[@CYFL79]

LMAO, i had to research it and oh man what i found

[@milksteak6831]

Is this broccoli Rob?

[@brettpid6416]

andyyyyy!

[@sepulcher8263]

Really?

[@milksteak6831]

@@sepulcher8263 no it's references from the show the office

[@HoratioVelveteen-nl5kw]

"when he dies and is reincarnated, that guy is also doing life in prison" 😂

[@aaronking287]

Epic now hold my pocket LMAO!

[@Lucy-vk1el]

Reincarcerated*

[@-Trauma.]

@@Lucy-vk1el you scumbag. Lmao.

[@ballaking1000]

Lucy uhh, the op got it right the first time...

[@hlysnan6418]

Richard Pryor had a joke like that, too.

[@drunkenmmamaster419]

The way Tom delivers the “it’s gonna be a ROUGH day “ fucking kills me every time 😂😂

[@casemods]

If they try to send me to jail ima just roll my sleeves up and the inmates wont allow me in, checkmate CO's

[@giggityeffyou]

That kid is in the later clips without the sweater lol. Sleeves gone

[@MF-LXRD]

Yeah okay tough guy your prison wallet will be packed full of man milk.

[@AlexiasPlaylist]

@@MF-LXRD because he said he wouldn't roll his sleeves up as a joke? What is it that you're trying to prove that you don't understand jokes?

[@anime_cyko]

Kappa Emote for real, clearly an idiot cause we don’t know what happened later. According to this he got sent back to the bus and that’s that. That’s probably not what really but that’s what they show us

[@20FreeWill]

That kid was lucky . Shows kids arrogance in front of cameras even back then . He would have been tore to pieces. Those inmates really showed something a bit special at times . They spoke.with more pride and purpose than alot of people these days . They probably all dead now

[@edwardjr9232]

Im in my mid 30s. This joint dropped live and uncut in my 11th grade year on MTV. The level of disrespect will never be matched again.

[@robertprince2651]

This was a regular airing; I couldn't wait to talk about it in school afterwards.

[@kameeI]

hi ed 🥸

[@setsers1]

DAMN

[@ultimatesunrise]

I remember watching it at like 1 AM just like Holy shit this is nuts

[@kameeI]

hi 🥺

[@sadboylara]

"I don't know what you know about prison, but if you're holding on to another dude's pocket, it's gonna be a *rough* day." 😂

[@ricso31]

Holy shit. I have heard Tom tell the story of this episode so many times. I never thought it would be exactly as he tells it. Outstanding and hilarious

[@megadethmofo2035]

"uuuh, I hate breakfast." Best line..

[@RealMexFoodShouldntGiveUDrrhea]

megadethmofo Lmao

[@tevita101]

Fk I died

[@leshawnbrown9560]

💀 Hilarious

[@JayBird84]

4:24

[@FalloutPlays]

BIKES

[@gcp-starchump]

what the heck.. are you doing here lol.

[@gcp-starchump]

what i mean is i enjoy your videos and thanks for all the tips!

[@jones9309]

And that's why I yell BIKES!!

[@blessedera8810]

Lol. Just came here after watching your Xur vid. I don't know what's funnier, this or Skyburner's oath...

[@rrod7958]

I’m just gonna stand up from my desk at work this week and yell bikes lol

[@randymarsh3478]

Can we all just give a moment of appreciation to whoever edited this? You’re the real MVP

[@darkgreenrifleman4871]

I concur.

[@loganmarsh3584]

Yo randy what’s up

[@Gunbudder]

the "hold my pocket" episode aired on cable, and my dad made me watch the entire thing. it burned a fear of jail into my mind lol

[@GameToyBrickMan]

All of us

[@Matthew-qq9nx]

My mother and I watched it and got hysterical it's so over the top

[@RumbleFish69]

Tom's Segura's black dude voice is on point!

[@qwopiretyu]

BIKES!

[@TJCutts]

He’s secretly black. *The More You Know*

[@blackdynamite5016]

Listen to his stand up on the first 48! That shit is hilarious

[@justicechase9261]

SUP KANE !

[@ktvbeatz5560]

Him and von kill it everytime lol throws me off as a black man haha

[@parkesc7832]

Segura's version is better than the original BBBIKES!!

[@chimrichalds3418]

@Jim A Clearly your jeans are too loose and low my friend

[@romancastro_]

Jim A wrong

[@anthonysundberg6861]

@Jim A your opinion isnt even remotely important enough to give a shit about.

[@davefarlow]

@Jim A Out of all walks of existence in the history of time your opinion matters the least just for making that comment. You don't deserve to watch the greatness that is Tom Segura.

[@no_tread_]

Now come on guys, Jimmy is entitled to his opinion of Tom Segura. Jimmy also ate a bag-o-diks for breakfast.

[@sashabakhshi3586]

They call him Crazy Chris because he doesn’t even have sleeves

[@rachelc586]

Only cause he didn't roll them up so they got cut off

[@albundy7493]

Overrated comment

[@seansherrod8725]

I can't stop playing this clip! Whoever put this together God bless you always!

[@the1only467]

The 90’s were something else all together, a whole different beast. And thank you my guy for editing this! You rock!

[@michaelhammond9459]

I just want to know where you found the footage

[@peterclarke7240]

It's tragic that the 90s is considered something to look back on through rose-tinted spectacles. Nostalgia sure isn't what it used to be when I were a lad 😂

[@MrNinja543]

Nah the black plague times were a different beast all together you kids are too soft in the 90s

[@peterclarke7240]

@photag216 Well, to be fair, they (and many of us) are facing a life with constricted horizons due to the exponential increase in cost of living, housing, university fees, increased spreadsheetification of education, scarcity of worthwhile jobs, reduced pensions, a retirement age that seems to be constantly moving goalposts, and the threat of a planet about to implode. So I can, to an extent, understand their chagrin. All we had to worry about in the 90s was dropping dead from a dodgy pill.

[@virtualcynical8515]

@@peterclarke7240 Yeah that Photag guy definitely sounds like a "Kids these day" kinda guy when he's complaining about people being "Soft" for daring to talk about mental health

[@malcomdryer5001]

I wonder if 'Crazy Chris' and 'Hold my pocket' are still around. I'd like to send them some commissary or something. This shit is absolute gold.

[@youtube4bums876]

Crazy Chris would love if you'd send yo mouth instead, he has some breakfast for you

[@Erin-vu1tt]

@@youtube4bums876 I think it was Hold My Pocket that said that.

[@chrisfrank8413]

I'm gona guess probably not, but, what do i know?

[@matthewgabbard6415]

@@Erin-vu1tt Pocket dude is out and has been awhile I'm pretty sure. He's actually a good dude. He was playing a character to scare the kids.

[@datadavis]

Crazy chris is serving his second life sentence now. Old Chris died peacefully in his sleep in the shower covered in blood with multiple puncture wounds and lacerations. Young Chris is five years old and meaner than Old chris ever was.

[@mattnichols4592]

"If you're holding another man's pocket it's gonna be a rough day" Dude I lost it! 😂

[@SallySockPuppet]

I could watch that everyday and it wouldn't get old

[@TechMetalRules]

I love that the sleeves were the first thing they went after, because it was really bugging me too.

[@russBwright]

He ought to have made up an excuse "But my pits are sweating!"

[@Iron-Waffle]

Bruh they sent that kid back on the bus becuz he was to aggressive he woulda fought the inmates and that would have been a lawsuit real quick. They'll see that fool in a few years anyway ..

[@bigfan9805]

@@Iron-Waffle "they'll see that fool in a few years anyway", same thing i was think'n

[@andreingramakadjscrewrip7372]

@@Iron-Waffle Who? He was with the rest of the group up in the auditorium later on

[@christopherstruble8856]

Bet they don't tell Crazy Chris to roll his sleeves down

[@ziggamon]

Today that kid is a pastor at his local church. He pays his taxes on time He always does the speed limit with his hands on the ten and two. .....He also avoids eating sausage links for breakfast..

[@alitlweird]

ziggamon His taxes are done the day after he receives his W-2s

[@psychologicalsigma9917]

Now he visits schools pretending to be a reformed convict and makes scared smaller people hold his pocket. Circle of prison life :)

[@b3yonddr1v3n]

maybe for lunch though.. *pulls on gimp mask (with bowl-cut cutout)

[@daltonyates758]

He also has 3 kids locked in his basement

[@ellewis817]

@@b3yonddr1v3n very stylish

[@CoolPandaTheMovieNerd]

That kid looks like Ben Stiller's Simple Jack character in Tropic Thunder.

[@kdub40k1]

Lmfao

[@LetterSignedBy51SpiesWasA-Coup]

Congrats man, on going there...

[@CoolPandaTheMovieNerd]

@@LetterSignedBy51SpiesWasA-Coup Thank you

[@valentinomoran4874]

You mah-mah-mah make me happeeeh

[@rrod7958]

Lmfao well done

[@jonathanlane6130]

As much as I love the bit and the mash-up of the video behind it(kudos), the best part was the ending interview where bowl cut was like, '...now I get home at 7...before 7...just to get off the streets."

[@UrbanGuitarLegend]

EXACTLY!!!!!!!!

[@Llamalamp26]

i love how the premise of scared straight is traumatizing children into behaving edit: i also love how 90% of the replies to this are “YoU’rE sOfT” when all i did was make an observation

[@FlexYourFreedoms]

It's proven to work on some. And it's good they see the nice place they will end up if they continue being dumb and unlawful

[@szalary]

I grew up Catholic, same premise

[@FlexYourFreedoms]

@Kamatari Honjo you must not have seen the many videos that show what happened to the kids after the program.

[@mattkennedy6115]

@Kamatari Honjo in the absence of a fixed home life where the father isn’t coming home and the mother isn’t gonna stop partying off dem fat gubmint checks scared straight is a more realistic and practical alternative

[@jisunator4880]

@Kamatari Honjo I don’t think it’s traumatizing so much as showing them firsthand where they’ll end up if they don’t get their shit together. If that doesn’t get them to stop their ways & at least improve enough to not go to jail then they probably won’t change tbh. A lot of the parents & families do try their hardest to help their kids & improve their behavior & this is the last resort

[@MichaelL502]

Tom Segura needs to breakdown EVERY episode lmao

[@jackthemaniac1]

Just imagine your serving double life for killing six people but you're still trying to get those kids on the right track so they won't end up like you. That's respectable I think.

[@SuperPeterok]

Nothing respectable about taking human lives

[@noahwilson1641]

@@SuperPeterok wow. That's deep

[@SuperPeterok]

@@noahwilson1641 nice bra lol

[@vhs1978]

Don’t preach to me ur the one in prison pusssy

[@mmm6325]

He got something out of it no doubt. You really think Crazy Chris gives a single fuck about these kids lol

[@farbeyond37]

I remember seeing this when it came on TV when I was a kid. I remember it being on really late and I was supposed to be asleep but somehow ended up watching this on tv and laughing my ass off. Nobody at school believed me the next day.

[@andrewmartinez8882]

No you didn’t

[@ckcarr2965]

i don't believe you either

[@jamesbrown9057]

Yoooo same here

[@limitspace5150]

​@@ckcarr2965😂

[@ckcarr2965]

@@limitspace5150 forgot i wrote this lmao

[@mrrodriguez2947]

"It aired in 1999" Me: 👀 oh this gonna be good

[@omairsh8]

I know right! Not softened down or anything

[@JordanPerrier]

Why?

[@lawnside82]

The mom got a mullet..smh

[@kevinjunior8441]

"Uncensored" .. oh this going to be Reeally good. Hahaha

[@borismuller86]

Holy hell I never realised he got passed onto a second pocket too at 4:46!

[@Kafkaesque3]

Looool 🤣

[@IceKoldKilla]

You can see some inmates laughing. In reality it'd be pedophilia and some get raped and killed for that so I can see most inmates not getting into that. Word on the street... 🤣

[@jampacc]

@@IceKoldKilla it was with the presumption that they would be back in jail for real.

[@idklol4197]

They turned that boy out

[@sasogorelick]

😂😂

[@JEP-Tech]

I love how accurate the comedian was about this one episode. He must have recorded it and watched it a bunch of times, or just has a really good episodic memory.

[@user-lr7fv6td5y]

if he liked it enough to write jokes about it, it’s safe to say he probably watched it again before writing them

[@GarrettPDGA]

"The Comedian"?!? His name is Tom. Now hold his pocket!

[@jazzymichael]

Not everyone has memory loss like you, idiot

[@jonathanshields7414]

@@user-lr7fv6td5y I didn't hear a single joke. Just a recap. Pretty weak if you ask me

[@user-lr7fv6td5y]

@@jonathanshields7414 Tom Segura is a standup comedian i’m not here to debate the legitimacy of his material

[@thenose007]

I happen to tape this on VCR when it aired.. Had the whole thing memorized and laughing so hard reciting it!

[@nicholasparker7697]

"This man is serving a double life sentence. Which means when he dies and comes back reincarnated......that guy is doing life also." Best part. Lmfao

[@phillyeaglesphan]

That’s an old Richard Pryor joke he stole.

[@lordot8665]

@@phillyeaglesphan yep

[@mattc8852]

Richard Pryor

[@renzoschlender4102]

Hahahahahahaha

[@sleepinglion728]

? that happens all the time ? wtf its what it means read a damn book

[@kronosx7]

Dude's wearing a Cornell hoodie with the sleeves rolled up.

[@justint2723]

That kid is likely holding on to someone's pocket right now.

[@soppingwetburgers6493]

@@justint2723 more like handling multiple pockets, hes a banker now

[@tylerw.5458]

Soppingwet Burgers : yeah, and the kid with a bowl is an astronaut.

[@MrUndersolo]

And he’s dead...

[@shaunmichaelchase]

I doubt he knows what Cornell is. "Sure...it's the community college my dad attended".

[@mysteradio]

i have always been curious about this episode since i heard Tom's bit. thank you!

[@lostsoul2184]

This is gold on so many levels. Dark comedy Critic of media Critic of power relations Critics of verbal abuse Critic of show Irony and Unirony ...

[@Ynotnow9900]

The way you break it down, it's not funny anymore

[@gusgrau3594]

Milad Moatamed Dezfully I used wring definition of dictionary. Re-checked. My bad

[@Sport4Life]

Ebony and Unirony

[@elonobama4807]

@@Ynotnow9900 the reason its funny cuz its not funny

[@McBB-Ray]

Thanks Professor Comedy.

[@hungarian1]

“Crazy Chris the nightmare man” Jesus that’s tough he a legend

[@ArkhamKnight-uj6ww]

Sounds like a fucking wrestling name 🤣

[@tmass1]

i occasionally watch this to remind myself to stay out of prison

[@moonrunnin-_]

dont wanna meat krazy chris

[@OvertheHIL524]

What are you talking about? It sounds like a blast.

[@jozen5384]

prison sounds funny as hell man

[@robertemery8660]

If you do go to prison just keep your sleeves rolled up they won't allow you in

[@taylorjohnson7593]

I had a dad and am a normal person. I already knew prison is for degenerate scum losers. But i guess we aren’t all made equal

[@rostinrostai]

He said BIKES so powerfully that he have himself whiplash

[@tstan9713]

OOoOooOoOohHH moving onto ol Tom now, eh. Man of the arts i see

[@KokoRicky]

Kudos to you for interspersing the bit with actual footage from the special. Thanks!

[@borismuller86]

Pretty Normal Media BACK ON THE BUS WISEGUY!

[@Jonbombs]

Don't blow it Keep it simple Roll your sleeves down

[@toddadams8420]

Hah! Good one!

[@michaelbryant8757]

Hahahhaha Clevah

[@mrfreeman1763]

"I said roll ya muthafuckin' sleeves down! " That will be no problem at all sir, and if you wanted me to piss my pants, I'm way ahead of you.

[@bigstunna2049]

@@mrfreeman1763 😂😂😂

[@TheRealCaptainFreedom]

Just as I was reading your comment I saw that kid strutting up to the gate with his sleeves up.

[@jacebrogden3490]

When you watch the full episode... holy cow. At one point when the bowl cut kid is holding the second dudes pocket there’s a guy that yells in the background just loud enough something like “I like his haircut”. I lost it so bad lol

[@810Metalworks]

I remember watching this episode. I was absolutely shocked that it was uncensored. That was unheard of back then.

[@adamspivey]

This is pure gold!! Thanks for cutting this together, the internet owes you a debt of gratitude!! 🙏🙏

[@Viewer2715]

Man I love when tom segura does the black guy voice 😂😂😂😂 "THE F**K YOU TOOK?!!!" "BIKES!!!!" Hilarious

[@MrDavital1]

Do you know cricket!!

[@wumboqwark]

@@MrDavital1 I BEEN KNOWIN CRICKET FO A MINUTE

[@timferris1478]

Bra I swear that shit be having me rollin 🤦🏾‍♂️😂😂😂

[@fynsul4113]

​ Tim Ferris tom or black is great too check it out

[@kimratcliff4660]

😂😂 I remember that episode- I will never forget "HOLD MY POCKET"❤

[@benares180]

I remember watching this. Me and my best friend in high school would yell, "HOLD MY POCKET", to each other every now and again all throughout our years in school. Man. The good ol' days.

[@JXC25]

Used to come home at 1 in the morning, now I come home at 7, even a little before 7, LMAO

[@Antlover420]

Rd you legend

[@handfulmousefly]

You can hear the terror in his voice, like if he doesn't get home before sunset Crazy Chris will eat his face while pocket guy stuffs him like a Thanksgiving turkey

[@SEEYAIAYE]

Lucky kid, if we weren't home by 6, we'd get boomerang shoe'd like Eddie Murphy used to get.

[@20FreeWill]

@@SEEYAIAYE chh chh:boom -whoop whoop whoop whoop /ptchhhh (ahhh) whoop whoop whoop whoo: Cch cch

[@SEEYAIAYE]

@@20FreeWill GO

[@kimberlyrobinson1978]

He said “I run sixth grade”. 🤣

[@Anubis7169]

"Grade 9 was easy. Gettin grade 10 is f*ked"

[@bigounce4293]

New languages and shit.

[@michaelhartman851]

I absolutely love scared straight it's the best thing to do to smart ass kids, you know these inmates are all extremely excited when they hear they're gonna send in some kids to talk too...😂

[@bbbluff9473]

I’m happy to see that the bowl cut kid turned his life around

[@aaronc1080]

Alyssa Hart I hear how Tom says "bowl cut" in my head all the time

[@jeremyc9593]

Still had that same haircut though, so it wasn't completely turned around

[@JohnBehrens118]

@@jeremyc9593 I mean if you got a bowl cut that usually means you're way too much of a dweeb to be hanging with the gangsta kids anyway. It should be a sign that your kid isn't a part of the wanna-be badass crowd.

[@wrcz]

@@JohnBehrens118 those were 90s. bowl cuts were the shit buddy. remember Backstreet Boys?

[@noahwilson1641]

@@wrcz ya, he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about.

[@0412lennon]

Is Ol freckles on vacation or what

[@dyoung1998]

Definitely not down south!

[@herpallday1284]

nigga this is from his first special YEARS ago

[@dyoung1998]

@@herpallday1284 we know that. Thanks ol Captain Obvious

[@FlexBeanbag]

kzbin.info/door/-VY81cp3P3vWVxT5o-MTxA

[@benancona3242]

His wife is making him clean the house for a few weeks

[@Gabagool93]

The fact he’s wearing a Cornell jacket is so damn funny to me 😂

[@RayTeerlink]

“Cornell? Ever heard of it?” -Andy

[@YazzFlute]

Take that sweater off! - Andy

[@harrydavey9884]

Yeah, I thought that was fuckin hilarious.

[@publius9350]

"""Ivy League'''"

[@bkr1895]

Bowl cut is wearing a Goldberg shirt which I think is funny for some reason

[@rexrocker1268]

This video is so superbly done it should have more upvotes than views.

[@RickyMackie]

I’ve been wanting to see this for like 5 years ever since I heard this standup. Whomever edited this, you’re dope, thank you! BIKES!

[@michael2305]

lmao "I run 6th grade, I ain't scared of you" I'm dying here 😂😂😂

[@RickySpanish-]

That kid doesn’t quite seem like Cornell material.

[@henrydouberly3950]

What have it away?

[@rakim2730]

@@henrydouberly3950 his sleeves were rolled up!

[@nicke1903]

My Ortho Suregon Played Baskeball at Cornell lmao I'm imagining him acting like that kid.

[@frankbourassa2456]

Found Andy Bernards KZbin account

[@shrapnel77]

Cornell material? That kid is not even Target material.

[@anthonyrozada1980]

Thank you for posting the footage.

[@jinx29211]

Feel bad for the bike stealing kid. Judging by the mother, seems like he might have not been surrounded with positivity. Hope he's doing well these days.

[@Winteramen]

Yeah that mother was weird

[@wesleybrown6974]

You don’t have to have street smarts to see where the kids issues started. That mother needs clean herself up and lead by example.

[@adamrocks19]

That and most likely doesn’t have a father in the home. Something like 90% of male inmates come from single mom homes.

[@JackTheripper911]

@@oatmealshoes to be fair that was basically the entire 90's style for white women.

[@putler965]

His mother is very disappointed in him. She sent him there to learn how to steal bikes better, and it was a complete waste of time.

[@WordUnheard]

Today's been a bummer. This is the pick-me-up I needed. Thank you, Allen Palin!

[@CaliforniaCarpenter7]

Must be something in the air, worst day I've had in quite some time.

[@pabster13]

@@CaliforniaCarpenter7 what happened bro?

[@-PAHANA-]

Pablo Molina Women are whores?

[@grungical]

Wow a youtube video made your day? What a life

[@CaliforniaCarpenter7]

Pablo, my motorcycle broke down. Right in front of a group of females, one of which I've been into for a while. I had to walk the bike home in 100 degree heat, only about two miles, but still a bitch. Got home and opened my email to find out that PayPal closed my account with $640 in it and rent is due. Not a fun day bro.

[@ryanjeanes5253]

"I run 6th grade, I ain't scared of you man!"

[@justtrolling9370]

My whole goal in life is to not be in a position where I have to hold another man's pocket💯💯

[@Jus10Giraffney]

Allen, you have impeccable taste with comedians. It's great to see your name popping up frequently again. You're doing the lord's work

[@juggerswood]

Bill and Tom are friends dickweed

[@Jus10Giraffney]

@@juggerswood Tom has no real friends, he is a demented psychopath, and Bill has made that clear

[@juggerswood]

@@Jus10Giraffney yeah his friend said that about him

[@Jus10Giraffney]

@@juggerswood no shit, man.

[@JimmyTurner]

Where is his name coming up at?

[@tomking5047]

My life has been building toward this moment, thank you. BIKES!!

[@rafaeltrivino1790]

INSIDE POCKET!!!

[@DragoX7]

Ever since hearing Tom segura's joke I wanted to actually see that episode this is was amazing and like some other commenters had said, whoever put this together is a legend.

[@Technically_Fashionable]

I found Tom by accident flipping through Netflix ( HAF ) looking for something to watch. I’d never heard of him before so NGL I was a bit skeptical when I started his special “ Mostly Stories.” His delivery, facial expressions and stories had me crying laughing so hard that my brain was confused. With each joke getting progressively funnier then the last one. Although I didn’t do any crunches my abs had been hurting as if I’d did them continuously until failure.

[@miura25yearsago52]

The phrase "hold my beer" now has an alternate form known as "hold my pocket" lmfao.

[@swanclipper]

I will gladly join the early bird crew of "hold my pocket" when it comes to one-ups-manship. lets start the countdown from 2021 knowing fullwell in 5 years time this will be standard and nobody will know truly why and where it began.... sure, "from tom" but we'll know the truth. BIKES!

[@sp0ngeb0b8]

I don’t think you understand the pocket 😂

[@ushireborn]

actually it's completely unrelated. it means ... "you're my bitch"

[@JustAFriendlySatanWorshipper]

@@ushireborn yup kinda like your forced to wear a leash & walk yourself but instead your holding his pocket

[@YoungTCash]

Lmao Tupac “changes” at the end tho

[@rickDArula]

Lmao that was golden, I died laughing

[@bluespy4050]

There ain’t no such thing as half way crooks

[@stephengrigg5988]

It's ironic that the dude that cut this video is now in prison for 35 years on a sex crime. He's probably holding a pocket right now. Life comes at you fast

[@kurtis4026]

the fact it was censored

[@benbernard-jardine3384]

"BIKES"

[@darvin567]

That 1999 scared straight episode was and still is legendary.

[@karendeterra2498]

I have watched this so many times and it's still absolutely hysterical.

[@aliensarereal_4556]

Tom Seguras description of this is like a master guitar solo that no one could ever replicate.

[@Beelzebubba2823]

Bro for real. Lmao. Like a solo better than Eruption and Cemetary Gates.

[@dwdw182]

'OL FRECKLES GOT SOME COMPETITION 'OVAHHEEEERE

[@Misty8097]

Never!

[@Robotshadow]

Still like ol Billy blue balls more

[@osamabad3597]

When he says “the fuck you took?”, he actually sounded a lot like the actual guy

[@cayenneman08]

The thumb pic for this video is worth everything!

[@astarte66]

I remember when this episode aired. It literally only showed Once where I lived. I think it was on MTV or ran live. It was and still is the best episode on that show. Whoever put this video together…..YOU LEGEND! THANK YOU! It makes the story Tom Segura is telling infinitely better. HOLD MY POCKET! Seeing the kid with the Alfalfa style hair bowl cut oddly parted was priceless. BIKES!

[@gregatron4528]

HBO or one of them channels because of the foul language

[@sabrinamoore1218]

Hbo

[@armysniperman80]

@@sabrinamoore1218 It was on mtv and unedited. I remember it was on late sunday nights at like 3 am, in early '99

[@astarte66]

@@armysniperman80 you are absolutely correct.

[@nachomansandyravage2346]

Relax

[@MrJollotta1981]

I can’t count the number of times I heard this story on Pandora, thank you for cutting this together. Priceless.

[@bluestripetiger]

The absolute best episode of Scared Straight was the ep where the prisoner had a small comb and he gave the comb to a kid and asked the kid to comb his chest hair. When the kid refused, the prisoner went totally ballistic on this kid and the kid was intimidated by all the yelling to actually comb the prisoner's chest hair and the kid was crying as he was combing. It was a moment that was supposed to be terrifying but it unintentionally wound up being one of the most hilarious things I've ever seen. 🤣🤣😂😂

[@aaronwest1055]

Men who are in a real life approximation of hell, put on the role and image of the demons of that hell. They use this appearance to scare children from making mistakes that would lead them to the same type of hell. This is an incredibly noble action coming from who we otherwise have discarded from our world. The beautiful thing is that it is most likely fatherless sons trying to scare straight other fatherless sons.

[@Nunya_Bidz]

Tom Segura should be the host of a Scared Straight re-boot😂

[@superass113]

it should be like impractical jokers, where he's in a box in the corner of the screen the whole time. so you can watch him lose his mind giggling like a pschyco

[@masonlee5866]

“Ughh i hate breakfast” lol

[@arcanis_not]

@tat lawson 🤭 I like breakfast when me and my homie drink each other's milk 😏😳

[@tommy_noble]

@@arcanis_not geezus

[@skrillztheentourage]

4:19 bruh I thought that was the black dude saying that shit the way he said "breakfus every mawning" took me out 🤣🤣🤣

[@shototodoroki5275]

"Talk yo shit G" 4:38😂😂😂 everytime I hear this no matter who's mouth it comes out just got say it funny

[@Forenzikproductions]

5:19 the absolute best

[@goodkatt]

Hold ma pocket !!!

[@neegahranger]

BIKES 🚲😤

[@Info255]

"THA FUCK YOU TOOK?"

[@rhyno8644]

This is the most degrading show. They should do the white women version of the show to as a deterrent to prison. Id watch that.

[@devora4809]

@@rhyno8644 lol

[@np494609]

Guy acting hard with a Cornell sweater on lol

[@36epc]

The nard dog

[@skimshady1522]

36 EPC HILARIOUS!!!

[@mattsmith1028]

I'm not from the states what's the go with Cornell

[@herecomesdatrain]

@@mattsmith1028 it's an ivy league school university of smart people

[@dogguy8603]

I guess he couldn't get a Harvard sweater lmao to hard for that

[@notsure1969]

The fact that this makes Tom happy makes me happy.

[@geezjunior]

I’m actually happy rob got his life together, that pocket holding must’ve been traumatizing

[@keldonb13]

I can't be the only one who thought that was Apollo Creed's corner man

[@FredrickMJones]

Throw the damn towel!! LMAO!!!!

[@herecomesdatrain]

@@FredrickMJones I was thinking the same thing

[@maxhusting7509]

That’s why I clicked on the video

[@jackofclubs9252]

Hahahaha

[@SuperPeterok]

Duke

[@underscorejojo]

”DAFUQ U TUK??”

[@grandemaisonfleuries7830]

Best comment ever

[@aaronn2954]

BAAKS

[@oliverholmes-gunning5372]

Every time I hear this routine I always think "shit, I'm gonna have to try and find that exact episode online somewhere one of these days". So thx a lot for this, it's awesome!

[@Toppu]

5:56 it's great that Ryan Gosling cleaned up his act

[@happybirthday146]

Hahahahahahahaha!

[@putler965]

He's working on a new movie: Bikes??? The Ryan Gosling Story.

[@sammyderrick8658]

@@putler965 and Hold My Pocket

[@twodumbcats390]

This might be my favorite five minutes (ok a tiny bit over) of stand up ever. It's flawless.

[@kyledavidson8712]

Tight 5, great job.