Allison Responds To Her TikTok Mental Health Criticisms

[@carly6107]

As someone who also has OCD, I feel like managing it effectively is all about picking your battles. If I fight and resist every compulsion, I won’t have energy to fight the important ones, I’ll fail a lot, and I’ll feel terrible about myself. If I decide when and what compulsions to resist, I’m successful often, build up positive reinforcement around not doing these behaviors, and it makes me better able to resist other compulsions when they show up.

[@lilymulligan8180]

Amen. I'd say that I don't feel the need to address most of my compulsions, because they don't actually bother me. I save my energy for the compulsions that create actual problems in my life.

[@allyson--]

Lots for me to ponder here

[@TheCakeisHere]

It seems like other forms of harm-reduction: accepting that sometimes I’ll make mistakes, but I’m not going to punish myself because I AM trying. One mistake doesn’t doom me to failure. I’m still making an effort to improve myself and love myself.

[@SchwarzRund]

This! Also in the compassion OCD Workbook is explained that compassionate unverstanden that smth isnt needed or necessary but an ocd compulsion you will confront another time is in itself allready a exposure, as this Stopps the harncyrcle too.

[@memyselfandchristina]

The part about "If I'm wiping down my phone for the 5th time that day and no one knows and it doesn't matter to anyone" really reminded me of the shift in conversation about autism stims. The "old school" approach (still definitely around) is that children should be trained and forced to not stim and act "normal". But now the neurodivergence framework is giving room for like... If I wanna sit here and rock back and forth and flap my hands because it makes me feel good, like, that doesn't affect anyone else and it makes me happy so I'm gonna do it!

[@courtneyellis6824]

I always knew Gabe had dark roots but a full head of blackish-brown hair is honestly what's really throwing me off now that you two are back

[@sundaesorceress]

same!!!

[@risxra]

HONESTLY SAME

[@aawillma]

When frosted tips come back he better give em a whirl. JBU is my millenial safe space, emo Allison and boy band Gabe would make my year.

[@incoherentbutfunctional3723]

truly a crazier change than his transition.

[@fallingawayfromthenorm]

As someone who sometimes is overwhelmed by physical contact, it’s really disheartening how many people think it’s a dealbreaker to have boundaries and be able to share that with your partner so you are comfortable. I love physical contact, but there’s times where my brain is not in a place where I can handle it. And it sucks because so many people, while not maliciously so, expect to have unlimited access to their partner’s body and touching them.

[@hanaeyoshida5163]

omg thank you so much for saying this, i feel so seen and validated

[@easilystartled2203]

Yes! And it would be SO VALIDATING and comforting if, instead of going to their assumptions about what **should be** comforting, they knew you so well that they not only supported you, but interfered on your behalf if others try touching you or violating a boundary. Knowing your boundaries and how to support you when overwhelmed is the most loving thing ; . ; It is so frustrating to know yourself, be performing self-care, and then have to manage the emotions of others because they are both violating your boundaries and mad at you for not accepting one specific way of showing affection.

[@ivo8312]

also the person who said that is so clearly just projecting about some shit that happened to them lol

[@Envy_May]

i'm confused in the sense that like, why are you touching your partner if not to convey affection, and how can you do that if you aren't tuning your actions to how they feel...? bizarre

[@FrostedCreations]

I feel like with mental health issues there's often an expectation that the end goal is to be completely "cured" that usually isn't expected from physical health issues, even if having no symptoms is the ideal situation. If someone breaks both their legs then they're unlikely to be able to walk properly again, but even being able to walk at all may be seen as a victory. But if someone has a breakdown and years afterwards they're unable to cope with certain situations, even if most of the time they're fine, that's seen as a failure. Unfortunately, I feel that sometimes symptom management is the best solution for some people rather than relentlessly seeking a "cure" that might not be possible.

[@charlsreyn]

Hard agree. People expect me to get off my medications one day, even though my mental health issues aren't going to go away. They expect me to one day decide that it's something I should battle on my own and that I should get to a point where I'm "all better" without medication. If someone experiences chronic pain and medication helps, do people expect them to get off it one day? No! So why is that expected of people with mental health problems? (Obviously, people have different experiences and such, so going off medication is the right choice for a lot of people, but that doesn't mean it should be the expectation.)

[@samanthaliebman19]

THIS yes

[@ivo8312]

@@charlsreyn thats so weird i never get why ppl view it as a bad thing to be dependent on meds. i couldn't function w/o sleeping meds and im reminded of that everytime i forget to take them lol to me the only downside is relying on pharmaceutical companies and drs

[@erwane.106]

YES. The moment I got better is the moment I stopped hoping I would get cured. Accepting that this might be my forever allowed me to takes measure that in the end made it so it was manageable. I hate it when people say to me "but don't worry you will not be like that forever" like they are doctors and not just really scared of acknowledging their own weaknesses

[@AJFilms14]

💯

[@michaelzzaki]

I'm not sure if you've already talked about this somewhere, but I think this is also an especially hard time for people with contamination OCD, after a few years ago everyone was being told to basically do the compulsions people with OCD are trying to fight. I think everyone needs a lot of credit for just getting through, and starting to be able to make progress again ❤️ I get people not liking content that makes it seem totally ok to support other people's compulsions but it's also important to see a realistic experience where sometimes you just have to accept you or your loved one are just going to do some weird basically harmless stuff sometimes. thanks for sharing on all your platforms!

[@annikagartner9865]

I developed contamination OCD from the pandemic. I only realized because most people have gone back to “normal” and it’s just getting worse for me.

[@ivo8312]

@@annikagartner9865 im sorry:( honestly im surprised i dont see more ppl talking about this on social media i would imagine this happened to lots of ppl. no one cares about us lol

[@outoftheklosset]

This! Sometime in the beginning of the pandemic I got a call from my insurance asking if I'm washing my hands for 20 seconds and I about started sobbing/screaming on the inside. It was really overwhelming. The reminders of needing to be "extra clean" everywhere really sent me into the worst ocd of my life.💔

[@karinanelson9472]

I so relate to Allison. There are some compulsions I really should fight and do, but there are some where I’m like “this doesn’t hurt me, my relationships, other people, or the planet” and I’m just like it’s not worth the fight. Wellness doesn’t mean no symptoms or no issues for me- it is more complicated than that.

[@superhuman_bean5731]

"I used to be a different thing and now here we are" is such a mood lmao

[@Bmilam18]

I've feel the same way as Allison about my autoimmune disease, I know what practices make me feel best but sometimes I wake up and I just don't have the bandwidth to follow the correct diet or do the exercise I need. I've had people in my life see that I'm eating something I shouldn't and they remind me that I shouldn't have it, so I've told them that this will be the rest of my life I cannot be militant everyday.

[@allyson--]

[@madalynlopez5098]

Allison you’re not sitting on a towel! I remember those days. I think you are a wonderful role model for the OCD community!

[@NeonKodiak]

I believe they're in Allison's apt so it makes sense she's not on a towel? IIRC her ocd triggers?

[@supersandi2]

As one who's been following since buzzfeed, you've made it very easy to find all of your new accounts and projects

[@ParisGappmayr]

There's something so beautiful to me about the ending of this video and your excitement about seeing your partner and puppies. It felt so candid and lovely to watch. I've been here since buzzfeed and it's been amazing to watch your content and you both grow over the years. Thrilled to see you back on the couch!!

[@shannonbolton6005]

I’m here for it…. every bit of it. Long time fan. Honestly you two helped me be brave. I was gay as a teen… forced by religious and family pressure to marry a guy at 18! Once he sexually assaulted me… I knew I meant nothing to him and l was a shell of a human. These past few years watching you grow and become who you are, is part of what pushed me to file for divorce at the beginning of quarantine. I’ve lost my family and my ex…. and gained myself. Now I’m in therapy healing so I don’t take my trauma into my next relationship. Thank you for being who you are always! Love you guys. 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

[@zoedahl7972]

I'm so proud of you for leaving!!! You deserve someone who loves and cares for every part of you! I wish you amazing luck in therapy and am excited for the future happiness you'll have ahead

[@shannonbolton6005]

@@zoedahl7972 awww thank you… this means a lot!

[@gabriellechavez8934]

The comment section of your videos are always so wholesome and thoughtful! Also This was helpful to hear today and glad to see you guys back on KZbin!

[@MaggsMomo]

Also I think your take is totally valid! I have severe anxiety related to planning and making food which I have tried to improve for the last 8 years. It causes me so much distress and talking about it and “working on” it was so painful. It was a breakthrough moment for me when my therapist told me that I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to. I can choose my goals. As things have gone on not having the pressure of forcing myself to try to improve has actually helped me to take baby steps.

[@jag519]

"Whose gonna see it and not know who we are?" Ok, but this is the first time I realized Gabe goes by Gabe, idk if Gabe already mentioned it somewhere I saw, but I did appreciate the intro. haha

[@EbyKat]

It's fairly new, like within the last three months I believe. Gabe and his other partner have also parted ways sadly.

[@erwane.106]

My mom once or twice has reacted to me flinching when she touches me to "but I want/need to show you I love you and that's my way" and like if you put your need to show me love before my comfort, maybe you should rethink about love also yes yes yes to the more "functional help"!!!

[@cmonkey91]

I remember the days when I missed the sketches😂🤣 I understood it was a lot and knew you guys needed a break....but now I realize I miss you guys so much!!!

[@Jasmine-dd2ke]

One of my friends hurt her leg several months ago. It was bad, she needed intense physio to get it back to anywhere near the level of mobility she had before. I could see how frustrated she was getting, that she wasn't "getting her life back" despite the fact that she was taking physio very seriously. Her physiologist, who is great, sat her down and told her that her leg would basically never be the same as it was before, but what my friend was doing within her physical limitations were more than enough. I think that helped give her perspective because she told me it helped accept achievements for what they were. Like, she could quit her job, stop seeing family and friends, and forgo all responsibilities to dedicate all her time to physio and yeah, her leg would probably be in better condition for it. But, those aren't things she's willing to give up for a more mobile leg, and she knows she has to choose her battles. She's so much happier now now that she's accepted that anything less than 100% recovery isn't some massive failure.

[@rachelleeds9804]

Allison, your content is so helpful ❤ (I want to give more details, but I’ve been typing and deleting this comment for the past 20-40 minutes, so we’re just going to submit what we have)

[@sydsparks1133]

ugh i so appreciate y’all having this conversation!!

[@rachelmantos]

if it makes you feel better, i found you guys after the buzzfeed days & been watching you ever since

[@beatdizzy]

Same. And I missed you. And I'm so glad you are back 💚

[@jw844]

What you're both saying totally makes sense. Harm reduction seems like a sensible way to describe it to me. I really like how Allison phrased being self compassionate sometimes meaning not constantly fighting and expending energy against compulsions. Also absolutely everyone in a partnership or other relationship often needs to make reasonable accommodations for each other in order to show care, and make restful and enjoyable spaces. I think this is clearly shown within the interviews of Allison's "Overthinking about you". A book that I've found so informative and helpful, and was definitely my top read of 2022. Highly recommend everyone reading it, to help understand yourself and others in relationships.

[@tamraparrish3526]

There is a give and take. If you are in constant battle it’s EXHAUSTING. There are certain compulsions that don’t really hurt anyone or yourself. My husband is in the same boat. We’ve been together for 20+ yrs. He knows when it’s time to help me check in and when it’s ok to let it be.

[@howdyhoward]

i hope there continue to be couch show episodes. so nostalgic. so fun. love y'all

[@inuyasha013]

I love you two so much 😭 I love the podcast but it is so nice seeing your faces!

[@AlizaLipman]

A lot of the discourse on social media around mental health that I've seen completely negates the idea that MH needs can CHANGE. We are in a constant state of change as is our context. For some people the same regimen can work for a lifetime and that's wonderful. Personally, I've had to change mine multiple times in the last 10 years as I've moved from the life of a 20 year old undergrad to a 30 year old Psych PhD student. Yes, there ate treatments for disorders that are known to work well but so much of that comes from fitting those treatments to your personal needs.

[@AlizaLipman]

Also I've totally done things similar to the hand anecdote when I'm unable to communicate with words and I'm still in a loving relationship with my husband so I guess its not a deal breaker *shrugs*

[@mayra__ar]

I have always struggled with OCD since I have memory and it was thanks to Allison that I was able to ask for a properly ask for a medical and psychiatric treatment. I didn't know it was OCD until 3 years ago and tbh in Colombia there are not that many resources for mental health, so honestly thank you so much for somewhat helping me to get the help I needed! ❤️

[@Atuchy]

As someone who has only learned I’m autistic since being single, what Gabe’s partner said is truly gonna come in handy ❤

[@lilychen6645]

Yes! Sometimes I don't feel like being touched, and I feel weird about myself feeling like that! I felt it meant I didn't like my partner at that moment, but I also think from deep down in my heart I know it means nothing except that I just didn't feel like being touched in that moment! It's such a confusing experience! Listening to your "couple's comedy" gave me a relief! Now I feel so normal. lol

[@lylougrapes7011]

I totally understand what you're saying regarding the constant battle against your own mind. It's so damn exhausting and people just either don't understand the amount of energy it takes to do the "right" or "healthy" thing ALL the time. Or they do know but they somehow feel entitled to police other people's behavior. I think it's a matter of respect to trust that you're making informed decisions for yourself. I'm so exhausted all the time as I am trying to do better, heal, etc. I also expect myself to be on my best mental health game all the time. But that's neither realistic nor responsible. Sometimes I just need to rest and that might look like giving into the thoughts and impulses or whatever your specific symptom is. Also: can I just say it's so great seeing you:)

[@MaeBarronMusic]

I think with OCD recovery, it is easy to start compulsively resisting your compulsions--in the sense that, if you "mess up" you punish yourself and/or expect something genuinely terrible will happen. But just like it's unlikely anything bad will actually happen if you don't give into a compulsion, it's unlikely that anything bad will happen if you do. It's just a moment in time, and just a single choice--it doesn't dictate anything beyond that. As someone who started ERP last year but has had severe OCD my whole life, I find it incredibly helpful to watch people dealing with their OCD in different ways (including through humor) and living in that messy middle ground that is self-compassion. Your content is wonderful, and I appreciate it so so much.

[@princessoftheworld2734]

Ok, I have missed your couch talks for so long. Although you have both changed, so have I and I am here for it all. Keep up the great work, guys!

[@SpookyStag2015]

I'VE MISSED YOU TWO SO MUCH!!!!!!!! thank you guys for always making informative and emotionally impactful content

[@sickasmo]

A quote from a reading about disability I'm currently checking out for grad school: "Debility is profitable to capitalism, but SO IS THE DEMAND TO RECOVER" -- The Cost of Getting Better: Ability and Debility by Jasbir Puar Love that y'all are doing videos again, and the things you all are talking about. Harm reduction doesn't get enough public conversation from folks inundated in the mental health activism community. "Against cure" seems like it's made a bit more cultural headway in physical disability spaces / chronic illness spaces rather than mental illness spaces, for some reason. As someone with BPD I'm still trying to figure out where to let in some more flexibility and give-way that raises my quality of life w/o harming folks closest to me. Thanks for opening this convo!

[@allyson--]

:-)

[@kaemincha]

Obviously I can only relate so much as someone who doesn't have OCD (I do have social anxiety and trich tho) The pressure to somehow be a perfect bastion of health and constantly be pushing yourself out of your comfort zone is too much. For social anxiety, yes I can try to do things sometimes, but if I push past my limits too much, it's going to send me on a spiral. It's okay for it to be piecemeal work and mental wellbeing is not linear!

[@brimarie4196]

I feel choosing which battles to fight sounds way more helpful. Especially since to fight every compulsion is impossible, so when you inevitably mess up you're going to have a shame spiral that leads to more intense thoughts.

[@meowtapes]

as someone in the pre-planning stage of creating mental health content, this video was incredibly helpful and inspiring! thank you!

[@supersandi2]

I'm so happy to see you back on the couch together!

[@SarabiHer]

When Gabe says aloud “This is NOT codependent” to make try and make it true 😂

[@beatdizzy]

All relationships have elements of codependency no? Seeing it and rejecting it is interacting with it but not denying it

[@Ghlorshopzvej]

ALSO the "I think you should just trust that I'm doing whatever I need to do to help myself in that moment"! Lol.. forgot how emotional listening to (very chill) relatable mental health talks can be lol.. thank you!

[@cmonkey91]

JBU meant a lot to me back in the day!

[@princessbablaschmabladingd7451]

Loved this. Managing your mental health and growing to healthier place doesn’t mean your mental illness has to be a CONSTANT antagonist you must fight to the death. It’s ok to just exist and find some relief in giving in as long as it’s not doing any real harm.

[@actingnerd101]

Has anyone experienced that “giving in” to “little” compulsions can help give them more energy to take on the day or deal with harder stuff?

[@sunnyrolfs]

I like Allison's approach. She has healed so much and self compassion is always the way in my experience.

[@Atuchy]

I’m glad you guys are back on KZbin in this way. All we need is a video with Igor and then it’ll be perfection 👌

[@asimplemoth5342]

“It’s fine, this is not codependent.” Oh how far we’ve come!

[@mariahl2955]

I totally get Allison. I have had G.A.D and OCD since 11. Sometimes you have to laugh at the madness or take a break from being strong in that moment. I have sensory issues and my partner respects my space whenever I give the code word.. aka I will love you in a different way right now... But I still adore & love you. Respect is key! Great video guys!! 💗

[@TinyWarrior1468]

Yes! Thank you for that part about touch-averse partners. There’s such an expectation for people to adhere to these rules about what a relationship “should” look like, but at the end of the day there’s nothing romantic about making the other person suffer.

[@jinalives3093]

I appreciate your honesty and conveying that things aren't black and white - it makes you a better mental health advocate in my eyes. Somehow it's been a few years since I've seen your videos but now I can relate even more to your experiences and conversations than back then. :)

[@karachalson7868]

It's so interesting that OCD best practice is to never give in to the compulsions, cause with my ED my therapist gave me "permission" years ago to make the call about which weird food rules I wasn't going to bother fighting when they weren't a useful use of my mental energy. I can't seem to make myself eat foods which I have frozen and then defrosted - even though I can eat things I have purchased frozen (think making a lasagna and freezing it vs buying a frozen lasagna). Ok, illogical and unhelpful, but, attempting to push through that discomfort (and unfounded disgust) adds a barrier that becomes the difference between eating lunch or heating lunch up and picking at it and pushing food around then throwing it out. So why keep trying to challenge a rule that doesn't actually make any practical difference on me feeding myself if I just acknowledge and accommodate it. Just like showering after Grad School. EDs and OCD are both compulsion based disorders so it's interesting that the treatment is different

[@stephanierestlessinseattle5261]

Your mental awareness helps me so much keep going!

[@hannahland7863]

I love your attitude about mental health Alison! As someone with mental health issues and physical disabilities, the warrior mindset is so damaging. Sick and disabled people shouldn’t have to fight all the time. Sometimes it’s good to accept what your body can and can’t do and be at peace with that, instead of fighting to pretend we are something we are not. And of course I love your sense of humor about it all too!

[@katherine4035]

It's the same as at work. Sometimes you just do the bare minimum and that is fine. You have to be aware of your emotional spoons and how much you can expend at that time.

[@risxra]

(Hey just fyi Gabe’s deadname and old links are still in the description)

[@nofungabydunn]

Working on it !

[@Zelomakitoko]

It's aight, yours is my most consistently listened to podcast, and I've been watching JBU ever since the early duo comedy buzzfeed videos

[@nitsudrhodes]

Beasts of Burden by Sunaura Taylor is my favorite book talking about compassionate ableism, like e.g. you think you're doing someone a favor by coddling them when they're stressing out when you're really just adding to the stress.

[@rosegarden54]

Go Allison Go! Love it!! Therapist to therapist, I support you.

[@caldas4mariana]

I sometimes wonder what it’s like for younger people to grow up with access to so much mental health content online. When I was in my teens and early twenties, it was much harder for me to understand and accept nuance in mental health treatments and approaches. I can certainly see why a younger person might find comfort in approaches that supposedly work for everyone. That being said, I still think there’s a huge potential for harm when people take these black and white approaches to things because when a treatment or approach fails, people are likely to blame themselves. I really appreciate Allison’s nuanced take on mental health and find the content she puts out to be very thoughtful and humorous. In true millennial fashion, I had no idea there was so much pushback happening on TikTok.

[@Multivitamin3]

I haven’t been able to listen to your podcast bc life happened so Gabe summing up what’s going on was useful for me😂

[@Ghlorshopzvej]

OMG the touch thing and the idea of, well, if you loved the person you just wouldn't care... this has caused so many problems for me in the past.... I worked so so hard on exposing myself and getting over this feeling but it 100% still comes back up here and there and the last thing on earth I'm wanting to do is offend/ hurt somebody, but it's definitely still taken this way! It must be very hard to understand if you've not experienced it tbf.. but at the same time, I think having the freedom to not be touched when you (severely) don't want to be should be completely fine/ is a right, no!?? 😅

[@briniraquel]

what was discussed in this video really validated me. Thank you both!💗

[@ellendegenerate3000]

I once heard some psychiatrist or psychologist story about "the hairdryer" - patient can't stop the ocd intrusive thoughts about "did I unplug the hairdryer" - all previous docs and therapists hadn't helped her stop panicking all day and driving home to check daily etc etc. So this new therapist says "bring it to work with you". Completely different approach and sure it's not doable for every example (can't bring your light switch to work etc.) but this is what allowed the person to function through the workday We live in reality so sometimes we need real world results/functionality over being textbook-correct

[@AJFilms14]

This is 100% valid, I’m sorry people get zealous about this kind of thing. Mental health treatment should always be about harm reduction imo, it’s the whole point.

[@whatkindofblue17]

omg allison has a new book coming out? where can i pre-order? i LOVED overthinking about you

[@dreamingofraaain]

Very glad this is back! I hope you have the time and energy to keep it up even if it's not on a regular basis.

[@anikaxmeisel]

Just had a video with Gabe’s dead name in my recommended and I genuinely had the thought, “who’s that with Allison? Where do I recognize them from?” It’s so nice to see Gabe looking so much more comfortable now

[@kiwifruit138]

Guys, this is probably a better question for my therapist but do you ever get so overwhelmed with your ocd that you just feel in a constant state of stress? It’s hard for me to even sleep in my own bed without having obsessive thoughts. What do you guys do to relieve stress and obsessive thoughts?

[@Polisciandfries]

I have an anxiety disorder, not OCD, but when thoughts get crazy it helps me to write them down? Like somehow that makes them chill out a bit

[@soccercool13]

So glad you’re making videos again!!!

[@ivo8312]

god everything allison said i agree w so much like ppl who think helping is not letting you do any compulsions...ACTUALLY WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS SHAMING ME and yeah like there comes a point where going to some event where i could get sick or something like that is just not even worth the enjoyment i would have bc ill just be worried the whole time. like that is me as a person not wanting to deal w that its not "letting the ocd win" also why would i want to live my life under the framing that there's some demon in my brain im fighting w all my life that's so fucking stupid and shit??? i like to view it as part of my personality sort of similar to autistic ppl but tbf that's only bc i mostly have it under control

[@Katrina13J]

Yeah I don’t understand why people would think you need to control all your compulsions all the time. A few years ago when it came up in therapy that I have trichotillomania, for a little while my therapist was very concerned about getting it under control. Trying to fight the compulsions to pull my eyelashes and eyebrows made me miserable. I was like “come on, what am I really hurting by doing this? Just leave me be! Please!” Luckily she mostly dropped the topic after that. And no one else cares. Phew. I’d much rather have a lifetime of sparse eyelashes than a lifetime of fighting my brain.

[@JohnSmith-ep6bj]

TikTok, much like Twitter, is where nuance goes to die. You're doing great, Allison. Also mazel tov on the transition Gabe, happy to see you living authentically. Oh also Gabe, and clarify with the guy you're seeing if he differs on this, but generally speaking autistic folks prefer identity-first language, i.e. "is autistic" rather than "has autism." It's totally understandable to assume person-first language because that's generally preferred for similar things with mental health stuff, but we're trying to shift the narrative away from being described as being afflicted with something to just autism being part of who we are.

[@tunetocrazyanddance]

Dude harm reduction is everything!! Perfection is a white supremacist ideal - it’s absolutely not “being a bad mental health advocate” to take a harm reduction approach !

[@mylifeontheElist]

Allison’s approach of acknowledging that not everything works for everyone is why your content has always been relatable to me. Stuff that paints itself as a one size fits all solution has always turned me off. Also helps that my sense of humor and way I deal with my OCD is so similar to Allison 😂

[@AutumnCherry]

Would love you to do a conversation about how your friendship has changed over the years (no need to discuss details of falling out)

[@DeedeeDirt]

Hey it's you two! Glad to see ya!

[@itsokhesjamaican]

I love Allison’s videos. This is a different situation but when I was pregnant and my ocd was at its absolute worst, if he had worried about whether he was enabling me I would’ve fallen apart more than I already was. I realize that things like avoiding giving reassurance or not following my “rules” would have been the “right” thing to do - but sorry… I don’t need anyone trying to un-OCD me without my consent. Sometimes you don’t have it in you whether that’s due to crisis or just a hard day, and I’ve had eras where changing my way of functioning feels important and times where it feels less important. and totally agree with considering how “bad” it is interfering with life. It’s kind of a harm reduction approach really.

[@itsokhesjamaican]

And I’m a therapist so for awhile I felt guilty that I was actively choosing not to “get better,” but then our couples therapist was like, “you have a high risk pregnancy after infertility… maybe survival IS self care right now.” And that permission has helped a lot. And now 15 months post delivery I am in such a different place and while I’m not doing ERP or anything I am more interested and curious to see how I handle different things. I’m ready now!

[@liamlintemuth2151]

God, I think both of you have done a lot of "lifing". I am proud of allison for her mental health journey. And Gabe, seriously, im glad you are finding out your gender and honestly comfort because of that.

[@cariiinen]

Makes a lot of sense! Thanks for sharing

[@Arithryka]

yessss Gabe!!!!!! you mentioned T a previous episode I was wondering if there was a name change coming :D

[@whatcolorjunebug]

This is not written to Allison bc I know she knows this stuff, but I just had to rant a bit: The average person screaming out their ass on tiktok does not understand that enabling OCD doesn't really mean never making any accommodations. "Sure, we won't sit on the grass if you find that upsetting" is not enabling. And forcing your partner to constantly be doing exposure therapy is not healthy. Even with OCD involved it's still normal and healthy to figure out how you can both best enjoy an experience or moment. Not enabling OCD is about not doing things that reinforce the delusions/fears and therefore make the OCD worse. Sometimes partners will lie/play along to enable their partners, with the intent of calming their partner, like "I made this special spray that gets rid of all the contaminants" or getting extra locks for the door, or say someone is having a compulsion to drink all the cleaning solutions in the house (happened to a friend of mine) because they feel dirty inside and they think it will clean them, and the partner says that they don't have to drink them because they know another way to clean their inside. These are examples of a partner confirming the reality and validity of the intrusive thoughts and fears. They're thinking that if they can play along, then they can do harm reduction that way. But confirming that those fears are based in reality is harmful, and they don't realize they're enabling the fears to become more entrenched. THAT'S ENABLING. ENABLING IS NOT JUST CONSIDERING YOUR PARTNER'S COMFORT AND AVOIDING DOING SOMETHING THAT YOU KNOW WILL UPSET THEM. There's such a huge difference between "I know you're afraid you might hurt someone if we go to this concert, so I'll make sure you don't hurt anyone" (enabling their intrusive fear that they might hurt someone when it's not based in reality), and "I know you're anxious about going to the concert tonight, and I want us to have a great date night and both be comfortable, so is there something else you'd enjoy doing tonight instead?' (not enabling any fears and simply accommodating so that a good time can be had by all). Even doing things like cleaning for your partner because it makes them anxious is not enabling. You're not telling them their fears are valid. You're just doing something that stresses them out and they can do a task for you in return. All these laypeople think they're mental health experts all of a sudden and come out to criticize people like Allison who obviously has actual professionals she can speak to about what's right for her.

[@mohuss2001]

The Royals are BACK!!

[@samaazzawi]

honestly Allison hearing you talking about your OCD despite what people say on tiktok may say, you actually sound like you have a healthy relationship with it - it doesn't sound like a monster that you spend 24/7 fighting and trying to "cure", nor does it sound like the moster has taken you captive - it sounds like you're learning to live with it - and like living with anyone - we have to make compromises, sometimes they get there way sometimes we get ours , and even when we know we are right, sometimes its better to let the other person win so you can go back to being in peace in a few minuets rather than having a 2 hour argument screaming we are right, keep it up queen here for you xx

[@emilymisty798]

I don't have ocd but I do complusions mainly around taps at home,I have to do 4 times 4 tapes in different ways then 60 seconds on each tap then tap the door 4 times then my thigh 4 times then the door then do another tap near the tap 4 times then do 10 seconds under each tap then go out the room come back to count to 5 under each tap and after that I feel I can relax, its mainly before I eat or drink something. If not can just count to 10 under each tap. I tend to give in most of the time, its not damaging myself doing that and only really do it with taps and a bit with fridge doors.

[@SwingingonSunshine]

Love you both, can I send you money for mics? Please?

[@FrostedCreations]

It wouldn't be JBU without audio issues, it's part of the charm

[@amosbehavedcalm]

That mention in the intro. Can't believe it's been 9yrs!

[@rearct]

i think this is where the point about mental health symptoms is if they're *distressing*. It's about having a life, and addressing symptoms when they interfere with that, not about struggling every single second.

[@violavoelz8075]

Allison, if we were capable of denying our compulsions EVERY time we wouldn’t be in this position. Exposure therapy is a MAGICAL tool but it works wonders at every pace. Pushing yourself just a little bit every day is hard! Thankfully it’s rewarding work. Being aware what you want to work on and making an effort to fight when you do have the energy is enough, and you should be proud of yourself! (love a very OCD babe and long time fan)

[@erinusmax]

Hard agree on the fact that you need to find what works for you. And red flags when a lot of accounts write things so that it sounds like there is only 1 "right way" to get better or "right" therapy. Its very anxiety-provoking and encourages people to look outside of themselves for answers rather than take in some useful information then find what connects for you

[@victoriasighs]

love you gabe ❤

[@Amelia-sv9ly]

This is totally how I deal with my ocd lol I didn’t know it was frowned upon

[@sauanakid]

You both look so good😍😍

[@ZoyaYeah]

Love you guys forever and always

[@eulerizeit]

9 min in and Gabe fucking nailed it.

[@juliahudson918]

1. Love you two, been following the whole time :) 2. The worst mental health advice I ever received was to just turn to God and pray and God would make me strong enough. I have OCD as well and my biggest issues with OCD are around religion and self harm so to say that advice was not helpful at all is an understatement. 3. Thank you to both of you for all that you do!

[@catbeara]

That ending made me laugh so hard. 😄

[@businesswalks8301]

9:18. my romantic partner, she works hard and I understand she likes coming home to me, but this made me realize it's messed up im made to suffer for that. we're in the stages of talking about her renting a second location when I need my own space. she can stay there until the craving naturally returns. if it's never, then she should be ok with that

[@le_Gay]

Ok but since couch vids are back can we get a handmade sign back too?

[@jeffreyjeffrey007]

TikTok causes mental health concerns. Keep doing you.

[@c4arla]

it's a pick your battles sort of thing and anyway nobody is fighting compulsions 100% of the time...