Alternative self help is brainwashing you.

Bonjour à tous !
Alternative self-help, the good, the bad, and is it really that revolutionary?
Lana Blakely - Matt D'Avella - Nathaniel Drew - The School of Life
SOURCES:
Not a lot of stuff this time :)
I recommend Big Joel's videos on The School of Life: • School of Life: A Bad ...
• School of Life: A Deep...
Lana's channel: / brodernaho
Matt D'Avella's channel: / blackboxfilmcompany
Nathaniel Drew: / @nathanieldrew
The School of Life's channel: / schooloflifechannel
Videos I used in this video: • Alain de Botton on Sta...
• Alain de Botton on Emo...
Music:
Citrus Avenue - No More Monkey - thmatc.co/?l=542B475D
SOCIALS:
Instragram: / aliceoverall
Enquiries: [e-mail]

[@AliceCappelle]

Hope you enjoyed the video ! Just would like to reiterate that your mental health is a priority and I encourage you to find that balance between taking care of yourself (with the help of alternative self-help, journaling, therapy, relaxation activities) and taking part in different forms of social activism online or irl. Focusing too much solely on one or the other can really be detrimental...

[@user-sj9bm2up2w]

Thank you for this video! I've been thinking the same way lately. I shifted my youtube content consumption from channels like those that you mentioned to commentary and analysis channels, and I'm also getting more and more politically active. Now the problem is... I am too drained by political activism and my mental health hasn't being the best. We absolutely NEED more channels that talk about how to be an activist while also taking care of your mental health, preferably by creators that live just like us, not huge youtube channels that can easily live a slow paced life since they already have financial stability, which isn't the case for many of us (specially not during the pandemic) and which ends up making us feel guilty for not being able to live the calm and apparently perfect lifestyle that they do.

[@AliceCappelle]

@@user-sj9bm2up2w Yes apparently a lot of people are going through that shift from lifestyle content to commentary channels, I remember reading on article on Medium on that topic 😊 And yes you're right, I've seen some people on both sides of the spectrum, getting so involved into activism that they seriously damage their mental health (I work on the Black Panthers for my thesis and those guys worked every single day of the week, 10-12hours a day, they were pretty much all experiencing intense burn-out) and on the other hand, people who feel like 'politics isn't for them' and I totally respect that! I try to promote a balance of both on this channel but it's definitely not easy :/ Take care of yourself 💕

[@user-sj9bm2up2w]

@@AliceCappelle I really think balance is the ideal approach on that matter, so keep the good work! And thanks... I'm definitely trying to take care of myself. When it comes to people that take the approach 'politics isn't for them', though, I really cannot say "I respect that". I mean, I respect it as a phase in life, cause we've all been there, but having that mindset throughout your hole life really should not happen, since politics is everywhere and it relates to most of the things we do on our daily lifes. The status quo can lead to some shitty consequences even for those who belong to more priviledged groups.

[@juliette_lummm]

Yep, I feel like that's what was missing from the conculsion. Cause from the conclusion I got the idea that helping others and getting angry might be the only self help we actually needed. So I commented the video about that, but I'm glad that's also what you were actually intending to say. Unfortunately I think there are no formula to resolving all our internal struggles and become truly happy just like there doesn't seem to be one to make the world a peaceful and environmentally thriving place. But let's awkwardly try our best and, hopefully, we'll find out how to be less shitty with ourselves and the world one day!

[@BNK2442]

Also, one of the most important social activism we have is for more shelters for abused men, unfortunately, bj, being the partial and unreliable person he is, doesn't think that there is a problem. I know this because of his horrible videos on the film The Red Pill. I know that I shouldn't trust him on any issue since I saw that video.

[@esztercsaki1]

this kind of self help vlogger lifestyle is the epitome of the blindness of those with deep socioeconomic privilege. Moralizing a slow, easy lifestyle with minimal work hours while the majority of the population is forced to work one or two jobs simply to be able to pay rent and eat food. In the middle of a pandemic, no less, where a great number of people have lost their jobs and have been forced out on the street ! Maybe the problem is not a lack of " mindfulness' but a lack of social responsibility and justice.

[@Dionisio97]

This 👏👏👏

[@bak3456]

but it that their fault? Or the government?

[@starlightt4094]

Good point

[@starlightt4094]

@@bak3456 it is all of our responsibility the government should be representative

[@Ermude10]

> Moralizing a slow, easy lifestyle with minimal work hours while the majority of the population is forced to work one or two jobs simply to be able to pay rent and eat food. *Majority of the _US_ population. There, fixed it for you. While I won't deny that this problem exists everywhere, it's only a majority's problem in the US where the capitalistic system and government ruled by corporate interests dictates the lives of its population.

[@AZ-ty7ub]

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. As an autistic and disabled person who's struggled most of their life with mental health issues, I've spent the past 4 years doing serious self-reflection, going to therapy and applying its techniques, reading self-health books, exercising, etc. I am at a far, far better place than I ever was, and although 2020 was difficult, I had the tools to keep myself afloat mentally and emotionally. But... I am still autistic and disabled in a world that doesn't have room for me. My mental health is generally good, but I still can't work a normal job. I'm not depressed anymore, but I still feel like a leech on my family. I am now having to unlearn that all my problems are self-made because the fact is, they simply aren't. I am glad I put in all that work to better mental health, but I still live in a society that doesn't care about me, and that's hard to cope with and has lead to a lot of internalized ableism. I wish these self help channels acknowledged this more.

[@starlightt4094]

Thanks for your perspective!

[@Xii371]

Thank you so much for sharing. And you should be so so so proud of yourself taking action and working on your mental health. You're so right that the world doesn't think those with disabilities nearly enough. We need to promote more disabled voices. The world needs your perspective too! Your voice matters

[@neurohackstv5723]

I have aspergers and that’s not the case for me, I graduated from a top university with honors and am starting a good career in the defense and IT industry

[@neurohackstv5723]

@@AZ-ty7ub You have physical limitations, so did Stephen hawking and look at him!

[@AZ-ty7ub]

@@neurohackstv5723 Why should we have to become like Stephen Hawking to be deserving of respect from society? I'm pretty smart, but I'm not a genius. I shouldn't have to be.

[@mattdavella]

I saw the thumbnail and title and got an instant wave of anxiety 😅. I thought this was going to be a takedown video! Really appreciate your thoughtful approach to diving into this topic (and I'm glad that you think I'm funny... my wife disagrees). Interesting take at the end and not where I thought this video was going. I've never been one to be politically active. In my personal relationships, when I get more involved with politics, I've only seen it drive my relationships further apart. It's definitely easier for me to talk about consumerism and other areas where we can push back against societal pressures (and it doesn't seem to be as confronting for people... especially family lol). Anyway, really great work with the video! Keep up the good work :)

[@lbryanmillanl]

Matt D'Avella himself 😯

[@R2r_1337]

Ha, as Matt's fan I got baited by the thumbnail :D

[@samuelalmeida6479]

@@R2r_1337 Haven't we all? xD

[@kulcheski5189]

I think you're funny

[@comfyera]

Matt I love that you watched and responded to this video! And I do think that "with great audience comes great responsibility" - so something to think about for your channel!

[@agentwrench]

"A life that isn't defined by money but by experiences" more often than not those experiences require money Love the video :)

[@pluvio5]

True connection is free

[@agentwrench]

@@pluvio5 mmmmokay? But when people talk about experiences they usually mean: living in certain places, travelling, eating out, going to shows and festivals, visiting museums or exhibitions, or simply having the time to do all those things or free things. All things which require money (having time requires money). In my experience, people who say money doesn't matter or that they don't think about money are unaware of how privileged one needs to be to have that mentality. Many of us can't afford to "not think about money".

[@wchristian2000]

@@agentwrench the things you listed only provide temporary happiness but you are right. If YOU want those things and need money to accomplish it then that is the price you must pay. That’s okay, but remember not to get caught up in a dead end job and put things like travel on hold. It’s doable, but just difficult for some of us :) I quit my job, changed careers, spent the last 6 months traveling on a small budget and I can say it was all totally worth it. Back to the grind!

[@agentwrench]

@@wchristian2000 the "happiness" of going camping is temporary, but the happiness of having regular breaks and outlets from an otherwise stressful life is not temporary, it is a long-term thing. It's in fact not so much about the specific, momentary happiness one can feel in a two days trip, but about the unhappiness one feels when one can't afford to ever do those things. Also don't twist this into a personal thing (if YOU want those things...) when this is a systematic thing. And when many people can't afford to quit a stable job because they fancy a trip, specially if they have other people who depend on them, economically, physically or emotionally. This doesn't take any merit from your efforts or your experience, but your situation is just not extrapolable to a good part of society.

[@wchristian2000]

@@agentwrench you sound really unhappy, I hope you find what you’re looking for :)

[@AshTanya]

I also feel like the self help channels are kinda formulaic and repetitive...I really only play them for the background noise at this point and sometimes the visual editing is nice

[@AliceCappelle]

Yes I do agree... I personally use them as motivation or 'self-care', meaning that I don't expect much from those videos but I still get a rather positive feeling after watching them, it's hard to really understand why

[@ethosterros9430]

Yea their goal is to just sell shit and they all say the same thing.

[@pranavi.s]

This! A lot of self improvement creators also circle around the same topics, so it can get a bit mundane. But I always thoroughly enjoy the visuals and artful editing behind their videos!

[@ryeofoatmeal]

lmao yes 😂😭😭 i play the video but didn't pay attention what they are saying. I put it on play just to feel less lonely

[@EmmaneTheCreated]

Honestly yes! I found it good for a week but then I realised they just talk in circle.

[@pametenorio9811]

You totally got me when you said "Work-on-yourself-to-cope-with-the-system-without-Questioning-the-injustices-of-that-very-system type of mindset" YAAAAASSSS

[@SirSpartAfterDark]

bro could've put a tiemstamp

[@sereneismail2129]

What about work on yourself regardless* ...

[@TheVladimirFN]

@@KaizorianEmpire you could expose literally anyone this way. no way you bring "charity" thing to the topic so shamelessly though. Makes no sense bruh

[@rachelguillaume577]

That exactly what got me as well. She nailed it!

[@hurricanejane3488]

literally subscribed when i heard that

[@Sisyphus55]

I wonder if the amount of negative global events in the last year has left people to feel helpless and unable to make a difference and so the 'turn inwards and work on yourself/stuff you can control" messaging has gained a following. Neither extreme, outer or inner focus, appears perfect. Without moderation, solely focusing on the bigger picture might leave you paralyzed, angered and defeated. And it could leave you blind to certain inner issues that may be a detriment to your pursuit of making a difference. Inversely, only focusing inwards could reflect the privilege of being able to turn away from the issues that impact others. This could possibly further these systemic problems and also leave you quite self-obsessed. Tricky stuff...

[@cchampa17]

I would suggest that you just have to approach the situation with the notion that either you or the system could be in the wrong, and then with proper context determine which of those two options is correct. It could even be a mix of both.

[@EuropesNinja]

@@cchampa17 Exactly.

[@jewelchilaka4089]

No it doesn't leave you self absorbed. I feel self help books could aid one to improve one's self and not necessarily only focus on the bigger picture

[@EuropesNinja]

@@jewelchilaka4089 Yes but sometimes our issues are internal battles we have with ourselves, and sometimes our environment and what is going on in the world determines those battles. Having a balance means working on yourself but also working on making a better world for others. This means learning about yourself, but also learning about the inequality and oppression in the world and ways to help with that too.

[@SuperSonic1116]

Most people probably end up on the self absorbed side of the fence, and while talking against these self help videos she accidentally created a self help video.. left me feeling dissonant

[@saraaa77_______]

I think self-help can become toxic when you're like "okay if I meditate, journal and do yoga I'll be ok"; I grew up watching youtubers saying that if you just do all those thing you'll be growing into your best self, but most of the time true self-help is doing the hard and scary stuff

[@aj32384]

No. That's about it. Those things are pretty much a ticket to a good life. Life is as easy or as complicated as you want it to be.

[@marcriba7581]

@@aj32384 Grifter coach BS.

[@whoisgliese]

What is the hard and scary stuff?

[@eric-ms3pz]

Also exercise. Self help channels make it seem like exercising can fix every aspect of your life

[@saraaa77_______]

@whoisgliese6211 I mean it as the things that require you a little/a lot of effort to do them, but you know are good for you, like for instance talking to that person even if it feels scary or eating healthier etc..

[@akshayde]

The amount of times these people say they changed their lives... Dang

[@alicephoenixpoetryjournal9062]

I was surprised af too... like, it was something so small... usual

[@alicephoenixpoetryjournal9062]

@thankyougaia🌍 yeah.. maybe it means that they like them, I guess.. like an 'I love you' said superficially all the time, maybe oh... now I get it. Maybe it is for promotion and impact to the audience, if it is for followers.

[@tnijoo5109]

Saying things completely changed my life 10,000 days in a row completely changed my life.

[@ThaUnseenTruth]

And yet occasionally, they mention or happen to slip up just how unenlightened - or in need of help - they still are [i.e. that they suffer from anxiety, poor sleep, etc, despite having previously made many videos on how they have allegedly overcome such ailments]...

[@SirSpartAfterDark]

This comment changed my life, number 12 will blow your mind.

[@layla-8369]

I majored in sociology, and our social structute professor used to say "why don't people go to a sociologist instead of a psychologist?" Arguing that for many, it would be much more helpful given the source of many of our problems, as personal as they seem, is actually social. I think following that line of thought, looking for an individual answer through psychology to the problems caused by social issues is, therefore, not a solution but simply a coping mechanism (though I still believe it's a very necessary one)

[@gandalf1130]

nunca é "helpful" terceirizar a culpa. porque você lava suas mãos e se acovarda, e nunca resolve o problema de fato. não existe solução social para os problemas da sua vida, ISSO É UMA UTOPIA! só você pode resolver sua vida, acorda. o pensamento do seu professor de sociologia (tinha que ser, né) está totalmente equivocado. falácia pura, anti individualismo.

[@gandalf1130]

de fato, o maior problema do mundo é o COLETIVISMO.

[@karriturvanen7815]

We'll then, through theories like mass formation and such, one can actually argue it is often not the informed individual who needs social change, but the actual social norms in the environment and the surrounding herd have become fundamentally psychologically and morally corrupt and stand against humane values, therefore society needs to change. A sort of moral relativism and an illusion of reality similar to a mass psychosis. This could indicate that isolation from such a form of twisted reality and society is actually the more healthy approach for an individual perceived as being socially problematic and probably considered even antisocial by societal norms.

[@maxim_ml]

And would a sociologist be able to provide a solution? Or just an analysis?

[@irodolf7784]

I believe it's a misconception that psychologists are ignorant of other disciplines such as sociology and are incapable of incorporating other factors into therapy...

[@lunar4199]

“What is being angry is self help?” Yes!! Anger is the rational and healthy response to injustice. And ppl who can ignore it can do so because they aren’t impacted by it.

[@schoo9256]

I still remember seeing a post from the School of Life about where depression comes from, and the theory was essentially that it happens because you can't see possibilities anymore. Eg you might want to become an artist or see the world, but you don't see how you can possibly do so, so you become depressed. The conclusion was that to fix the depression, you have to just stop being so narrow minded and just go become that artist or see the world! There was a ton of negative comments on the post stating the obvious such as - what about depression due to brain chemistry or circumstances you can't control, what if you have responsibilities you can't just drop, what if you're broke or sick, and of course, where are the sources for anything you just said? Instead of posting an apology or a thought out response or engaging with the community, or even being willing to take the chance to change his mind, he just deleted it. And that was the day I realised Alain de Botton was drunk on his own success and completely out of touch with reality.

[@JishinimaTidehoshi]

To tell the truth, I can't watch that Alain de Botton man. His hair (or lack thereof) looks very creepy to me 🤮 Why can't he just shave it all off???

[@dinosaur___7209]

I hate that channel, everything they say just sounds so pretentious and victim-blamey

[@katyadade1041]

This view on depression has some truth to it. Depression is being discouraged to want things and feeling all effort is in vain. And when you don't allow yourself to want things, you pretty much don't see possibilities.

[@Jasmine-lk4jv]

@@katyadade1041 I believe that's a consequence of depression and not primarily its cause. And of course once you're stuck in the loop the negativity will push you further down but most of the times external factors are the more impactful triggers than one's change of attitude.

[@angelenergia2163]

Interesting. I believe there is different levels to depression and also many different causes. For my sister, her depression is hormonal/brain chemistry. For me, It is the reason the school of life stated. Not being about to be or do the things my heart wants or needs. It results in pangs of sadness and anxiety throughout mu 9-5 days.

[@RonaldinhoGoat]

I believe it should be a bit of both, not too obsessed with external problems neither internal ones. I’ve noticed that using less time and energy to confront problems actually often makes them easier to solve. Sounds contradictory but that’s my personal experience.

[@BlackBat808]

Absolutely. A balanced approach is difficult but I agree it seems like the best way

[@epbrown01]

It's odd, but it seems to me that many people no longer see a need to solve problems, internal or external.. They're content to just point them out as a rationale for not doing anything.

[@stephenlaswell4341]

This resonates with what has worked best in my life. The more one can live in that contradictory space between the two, the more effective she or he will be.

[@ritikasajwan2927]

Finally someone said that. Otherwise people just take sides on which one is better. Extreme of anything,no matter how good or noble it is, is never the answer. Balance is what we need.

[@TheBookLeo]

I love that you mentioned political engagement in the context of self help! I love self-improvement content but so often I feel like there is to much focus on how the individual can solve all their own problems, while usually completely ignoring the influences of society and community.

[@astoldbynickgerr]

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@toomuchinformation]

Because the latter has been destroyed in the West.

[@tuttochiaramentechiaro]

This

[@rba4377]

Yes!! Like develop yourself and your skills for something, not to just say "im so good at having this skills".. like... good for you?

[@lostdreamerofthestars]

Leonie, didn't expect to see you here😅

[@23magic]

“Anger points powerfully to the denial of rights, but the exercise of rights can’t live and thrive on anger. It lives and thrives on the dogged pursuit of justice . . .Anger continued on past its usefulness becomes unjust, then dangerous. Nursed for its own sake, valued as an end in itself, it loses its goal. It fuels not positive activism but regression, obsession, vengeance, self-righteousness. Corrosive, it feeds off itself, destroying its host in the process” - “About Anger” by Ursula K. Le Guin

[@ananyamahajan5203]

"What if gettinng angry was truly self help?" God, that line hit so close. It felt like a moment. Most youtube commentary videos feel like they are just simply trying best to make their stance stronger. Like no harm in that, but seeing *actual* nuances being discussed is so refreshing. What a beautiful video. I did not come here to be made to self reflect like that, haha. I suppose my personal take is that we are all, at the end, humans. Humans who have built an imperfect world. And while there is nothing wrong is finding the "good" of everything, the negative emotions exist for a reason. It is okay to express the negativity in form of anger, breakdowns or vent. Those moments are what define us too. There is a balance to be made in focusing on inner peace and discussing real-life issues.

[@danielborza4399]

I was hooked on these channels a few years back. I really believed them that doing all those steps will make me feel better and find my path. I lost weight, got into shape, changed my career, became more sociable, started therapy, jump into the dating scene... and I still felt miserable. Because honest hustle only gets you so far in a corrupt Eastern European country. Where even after I got a better-paying job and put a lot of effort into self-improvement, I still had no money to save and no chance for shorter working hours, or time to actually learning the skills I need to 'fulfill my dreams. Then covid came and blew everything away. You cannot just ignore the system unless you were so lucky to be in a position where it really benefited you. Still, I'm grateful for them because at that time of my life I was stuck and they actually helped me to move somewhere. But now, it all sounds so hollow.

[@harshadapadaya8417]

Yeah true, u did well changing sm abt ur life. But in the end we gotta live in system that wasn't designed to be contributor to living a fulfiling life. Even if we manage to change things abt ur selves, we are constantly challenged by the system and it weighs us down. After working on yourself, we are just trying to maintain all the things we did cuz if don't then we will fall back in to the same routines. So we're just trying to maintain things... I hope i got my point across, thankyou for reading

[@zaha513]

Me too , l have depression now and this positivity KZbinrs it’s help me but not very much because i watching many videos about how to get depression out any another things but very time l fill aging my psychology issss bad my mental health is baddd i m teenager actually so I don’t know if this is normal or not normal I am crying now I can’t know what I should be doing 😕😕

[@gaeig]

I just want to add this incredibly important conclusion: The fact that these apolitical self-help channels greatly help men(cishet only) to "jump into the dating scene" despite trying to stay away from all social injustices implies that.....men being single hasn't anything to do with politics(feminism, lgbtq "ideology" and god knows wut) at all. If men's rights were really a systemic issue and blah blah blah nonsense, then these apolitical self-help groups wouldn't have so many viewers telling their "success" stories Also, men's self help: "getting yourself a 10/10 girl and getting laid" women's self help: "controlling their ocd about everything chaotic in their life" (only applicable to people who are cisgender and heterosexual) It only goes as far as that.

[@ellevasc]

I love your comment, perhaps because it so deeply resonates with me (coming from a not very 'developed'/'progressive' country). I do believe working on yourself not only can be but IS helpful, and that channels like the ones mentioned can be beneficial and actually improve some people's quality of life - even if they don't live in the likes of Norway. That is only true, however, to an extent. Turning inwards is the way to go if you're a Swede with a non-immigrant background, and it can be helpful if you're Romanian (though not always). If you are from rural Zimbabwe, though, things aren't as simple. Your problems don't lie in a lack of self awareness and whatnot, but in a history of oppression and the global hierarchy put in place by colonialism - both of which have a very real and significant impact on your life today. Turning inwards is important - essential even - but it can only be done after a good amount of action directed outwardly is taken.

[@enfleuri]

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference." I think adopting a calm mindset can be beneficial for trying to accept the things that are out of our control, but as you said there is a fine line between that and accepting the status quo without critical thinking. Now finding the middle ground between these two is the real challenge.

[@juliette_lummm]

So well said!! 🙌

[@Anna-fq2vc]

absolutely!!

[@marte1376]

Who said that quote? Sound very wise

[@mosesfebrian]

@@marte1376 Reinhold Niebuhr

[@JoonsLife]

Serenitea Prayer

[@VV-sque]

I disagree with the stance that we should focuse more on external, bigger problems. This is exactly what led me to anger issues, depression, and more. I have noticed improvement in my mood when I started to ignore the news, uninstalled social media apps etc. I was always a type of the person who was deeply concerned with the state of the world, and honestly, it caused me more pain and struggle than just ignoring it all.

[@diegorivera9197]

It will never be ok to willfully ignore world issues

[@Chrisjonpage]

@vv-sque I wish there was more emphasis on balance in this video, yes we literally do need to unplug from the Feed for our bodies and mind sake, but also yes it’s important to be involved with our communities and help where we can. I don’t see this creator that far from Matt or Nathan personally, those creators are very globally conscious. It’s possible to be both simultaneously. I believe it’s our duty to do self reflection, to be mentally healthy individuals in service TO society. It’s not completely selfish or coping. Anyway yeah wasn’t crazy about this video

[@WoWMinGM]

⁠@@diegorivera9197i have a very intelligent friend that would agree with you. He is depressed as shit. He has a masters in a field where he can do good. All he does is day drinking and lament the state of the world.

[@thomas.thomas]

@@diegorivera9197 so what are you personally doing to combat world issues? protesting does not solve anything what problem have you already helped solving or are actually working towards? complaining online also doesn't count since it won't change any issues

[@pritapp788]

@@diegorivera9197 Your reply makes me think of my father. He puts on a sad face when confronted with an ugly reality, follows it up with some very generic statement about how wrong it is and how sorry he feels for those suffering... and then that's it. He goes back to his usual life and has done nothing to help others, but he's managed to clear his conscience. When asked what is the point of those street/anti-government protests, his reply is "None, but at least people expressed their views". Unless you're actually doing something about it (and I am not saying you are not), protesting, commenting online or expressing concern changes nothing whatsoever.

[@pavithraselvaraj4]

I just watched a debate regarding mental health issues vs social issues and if therapy really solves the bigger issues we have. "Fix yourself because you can't fix the society" is really dangerous. Sometimes we do have to fix society as a whole. Take down bad laws, rewrite constitutions, and frameworks. In the last 3 minutes, this video has exactly what they summarised. I really appreciate your take on this 💯

[@blackfish86]

This is excellent. I am sick of people viewing all anger as negative, anger can motivate us to change things and get things done. I'm also quite tired of all conflict, especially in a relationship, being seen as trauma and signs that your ex was definitely a narcissist. 😑

[@mememeet4140]

Wait how can you say that anger is not negative and in the next sentence say you are tired of conflict? Anger is very often the reason we have conflict...

[@blackfish86]

@@mememeet4140 Read in full sentences. I didn't say I was tired of conflict. I said I'm tired of all conflict being viewed as traumatic or proof that your ex was a narcissist. Sometimes you need to disagree and sort out what's bothering you. Which follows on from my statement that anger can be positive and motivate us to change.

[@AlwaysLisaLisa]

Do no harm. With the range of emotions we have, the golden rule applies.

[@JishinimaTidehoshi]

Life is all about balance. We need both yin and yang in our lives.

[@metadann]

Agreed. And I liked one of the last thoughts of the video: What if getting Angry was Self-Help? we can engage with anger, without letting it consume us (hard as hell, I know - but I think its better than just ignoring it all together)

[@micaharchive]

"What if getting angry was self help?" This was brilliant! I have been struggling with adopting a more stoic mindset (because a lot of I agree with) while feeling cognitive dissonance as a black gay man trying to be an influencer in Caribbean which is actively ignored by platforms such as KZbin,Instagram and Tik Tok. I thought my anger was poisoning me and to a certain extent it was. But that was because it evolved into bitterness and entitlement but I am realizing anger caused by injustice isn't a bad thing and it doesn't make me a less emotionally intelligent person for feeling that way. Thank you for reaffirming that for me with this video ❤

[@KomalMinhas]

It’s taken me a long time to realize it, but my anger is a tool to help me know what I’m called to help change and transform. The more connected we are to our identity, the clearer the areas we are meant to impact politically, socially and otherwise, becomes. Thank you for sharing how you’ve been navigating this too.

[@Mr_Reb3llion]

So what does your anger mean for your stoic mindet? Can the two exist together...

[@micaharchive]

@@KomalMinhas You said this so eloquently and I agree wholeheartedly. Anger reveals so much about us if we approach it from your perspective

[@heyyo6050]

@@KomalMinhas That's what aristotle said that we can't eliminate anger but senecca (Stoic) disagreed with him

[@ladymondegreen]

With respect, I found the news itself along with the social pressure to constantly participate in activism and social justice, turned me into an anxious, irritable, and frankly depressed excuse for a human being. I could barely help myself let alone others, and my relationship with myself and my loved ones suffered. With a constant awareness of every crisis occurring in the world, my heart and mind always felt heavy with guilt when it was not filled with fury and hate at those who were either “silent” or didn’t want to engage. I couldn’t concentrate on “self care” activities either because in my mind was swirling all the negativity I’d been exposed to on a massive scale. I think it’s healthy to disengage from sm platforms and yes, from politics, when it crosses that boundary. And perhaps some KZbinrs overdo it - I definitely think we can focus too much on ourselves when the solution is often external. For one, I would love to get involved in local causes and charities more. However, even when I was politically involved and on social media, I wasn’t doing that - it was armchair activism at best. Sometimes people are struggling with enough, they don’t need to feel the weight of a world that will always have suffering, nor do they want to feel shamed for choosing not to engage, or lectured to if they engage incorrectly. I’m not advocating at all for total ignorance, I do believe it’s good to stay informed, to be compassionate, and to help out whenever possible. Just wanted to share my personal thoughts. I recognize that I’m privileged for choosing not to engage in matters that don’t affect me on an immediate or personal level, but that doesn’t mean I do not care about the issues, or that I wouldn’t advocate for those in need of make my voice heard through voting or protest.

[@evedotcom]

Yeah, this is me to a T haha. Well said. The pressure to constantly engage and stay informed worsened my mental health considerably. After a very long time grappling with the fear and shame around non-engagement, I became so unwell I had no choice but to disconnect from it all. I'm almost certain that I needed to disengage in the way I did in order to survive (I was the same with being unable to focus on self-care and was close to suicide many times). I'm significantly healthier now for doing this, not to mention better able to be of service. Of course we care, of course it's important to engage, to stay informed, to help... but to the best of our abilities. It's going to look very different for different people with their particular capacites in the short and long-term. Reducing it to priviledged ignorance and complacency worthy of shame is not helpful, nuanced or compassionate. Really nice to read from someone in a similar boat

[@bijit769]

Yeah I feel exactly the same. Also any time anyone like myself expresses a weariness/emotional exhaustion with watching the news, they get hit with "WELL IMAGINE HOW HARD IT MUST BE FOR THE PEOPLE ACTUALLY LIVING IT!!!!". Yes, I'm sure it must be much harder to live through it, but my emotional stress isn't helping anyone. Simple facts.

[@federica4829]

I'm sending love to everyone in this thread. Sometimes, after reading the news and talking talking talking about them I felt an incredible amount of anxiety because I felt like what I was doing to "change things" wasn't enough. But truth is it will never be enough. People aren't so easy to have their minds changed. And trying so hard to do so is just frustrating, upsetting and distressing. It was for me, at least. My relationships suffered too and that was when I decided to dramatically cut down the hours I spent catching up with what's going on. I'm in a such better place now, mentally and emotionally.

[@TheHollisterPerson]

Thank you for sharing this because I'm going through exactly what you're talking about.

[@jeffengel2607]

Some people are going to have a harder time dealing with the whole world on fire than others, and the particular communities or attitudes or tools it would take for each of us to handle it aren't ones that are obvious and readily available much of the time. IF you can do something about the world, do it; if you can't, look for other ways; if you still can't, see just how much beyond your own self you _can_ take in and improve. We need everyone to do their own part - we don't need anyone to do a part they _can't_ do.

[@MarshmilloJB]

I love Matt, sometimes watch Lana and can’t stand Drew (probably because of his overthinking). I think that these self-help channels aren’t blind to social problems. They’re not saying that emotional people are not intelligent. They’re saying that being a little bit better can help you act better in the world. For example, Matt telling me that I should sleep helps me be less impatient with my friends. Very practical, all about self-accountability, which I like & seek.

[@krishnamadhusudan8370]

It's really interesting and insightful that you mentioned that being a minor self-improvement & self-help will help you be better prepared to engage in the real world. Just curious what makes you find Drews videos to be overthinking? Is it because they are a bit more philosophical or that he isn't asking the right questions?

[@MarshmilloJB]

@@krishnamadhusudan8370 Thank you :) I love the idea of the real world. I think I'm pretty good at it. Yeah, I find him pretentious. I love that Matt is down to earth. If we vibe, we vibe

[@Chrisjonpage]

Yes I agree, wish the creator talked more about how internal work can effect your friends or community in a positive way.

[@MarshmilloJB]

@@Chrisjonpage thank you for commenting :)

[@meganmcgough9987]

This is so interesting. I am currently getting my master's in clinical mental health counseling and I feel exactly as you do in regard to how people heal. Alfred Adler believed one of the major signs of an unhealthy psychological state is a lack of social interest. He also asserted that social interest, empathy, and community feeling were the signs of a healthy psyche. The other channels you spoke about have very internal and individualistic views of self-help and mental health that have become popularized on social media. But there are other theories of counseling in which people heal and feminist and multicultural counselors would agree that social injustice is the root of many mental health issues and the path to solving them is advocacy and activism. Thank you for pointing out that speaking about injustice, getting angry, and feeling wronged are not signs of inner turmoil but rather signs of active self-care through social justice advocacy.

[@AliceCappelle]

Thank you so much for sharing your perspective on this!

[@pseudonymousbeing987]

Counterpoint: modern activism can be detrimental to mental health. Primarily I'm talking about the mentality of victims. In terms of mental health it is a harmful and self perpetuating place to have the mentality of the oppressed. You don't "win" from the the position of a victim without taking on the mind of a "victor". When you fight for the world to change you can get too caught up in it and forget that at the end of the day there is only you in your head. You may say that there are many voices of the outside world trying to get in your head and steer it with their ideas. But to be concerned with the outside and only the outside because you fear being concerned with yourself and only yourself is to do wrong by yourself. What I'm saying if you want respond to a stoic mindset about what you can control and what you cannot, do not overcorrect and forget the virtues of the individual.

[@Rxpinn]

Megan the point about Adler is so interesting! Going to read up more about it!

[@Shreyaa81]

@@pseudonymousbeing987 Isn't it worth fighting for social justice and doing activism if the root of your problems are due to these issues? What if someone really is a victim of oppression, what then? Stoicism as a philosophy ignores the extent to which socio-economic issues and social conditioning play into our lives. It's willful blindness. If we don't engage in activism and tackle these issues, how can we solve the problems faced by the marginalized?

[@pseudonymousbeing987]

@@Shreyaa81 I am not saying what you are arguing against. I speak of balance. Read carefully, I am precise with language.

[@jiro6533]

That really is an interesting take on the youtube self help community, I wish it could be seen by more people! I actually also shifted my content consumption more from those self help creators to commentary and analysis in the last year or so. I actually noticed that for me, it would be kind of better for my mental health, since I used to be very perfectionistic and tried to copy those lifestyles in their minimal living and productivity ideas. In comparison (even to the aesthetic), I always fell short. The thing is, I am not an extremely cleanly person, but I had to figure out that one does not have to be that to have a good life. I believe, that there should be a more diverse philosophy on what a "good life" can look like especially on youtube - one with messy rooms and clean ones, with 9/5 jobs or students struggling to finish their degree during a pandemic, since life should'nt be about being perfect

[@AliceCappelle]

Totally agree with you !

[@authenticallytrish]

Dude yes! Commentary are the best.

[@rocky.487]

You dont have to like and watch all of their content for "self-help", but you can definitely learn bits and pieces from them. Same as those other self-help books, quite honestly. And well, i guess just life, in general. You dont have to like every person you meet or every situation you're in, but you can most likely learn something from them in one way or another.

[@audreydoyle5268]

Yes, learn from the stoics: filter your perception

[@CSmr-cc7ge]

Focussing on bigger issues for me just ends in being overwhealmed and feeling powerless. Focussing on being content with myself before being able to help others in these big big ways, and instead just helping my friends is where true self help lies for me.

[@nimusehno]

This movement of healing childhood wounds has been very eye opening to change my responses to relationship dynamics and has really helped me, but in turn has also put a ton of pressure on me as a parent to believe that I am solely responsible for all of my children’s behaviors which couldn’t be further from the truth. There are so many factors and circumstances that shape who we are. It’s time to release the enormous guilt we put on parental figures and take more responsibility for our own lives.

[@michcookies]

So true. I’m not a parent myself, but my parents argued for the majority of my childhood and I went through stuff at school which I believed had they not been arguing all the time, they would’ve seen I was struggling. It led me to developing anxiety snd depression, and for the longest time I resented them for not providing me with the childhood my friends had. When I started the healing process it opened up a lot of wounds and things that I’d been repressing. Although things when I was young were pretty shitty, and yes if things had been better I’d have went down a different path in life, dealing with trauma led me to an important realisation: parents are human. We’re sold a story through the media of what a perfect family is, and what perfect parents are, and anything less than that is imperfect, but it doesn’t take into account that parents have feelings, and aren’t always happy and sometimes struggle, all while trying to feed, clothe, and raise children. That’s hard. My mum was struggling with stuff when I was young but I didn’t know because we were never told, and her anxiety gave me anxiety, and we would set each other off. Looking back, I was just as guilty of being an arsehole as well, and for a long time I wished my parents reacted to everything differently. It can’t be easy though navigating your own stuff with an narky teenager to deal with. Anyway, this has went off on a bit of a tangent. Basically, I agree with you, parents don’t have it easy and at some point the children have to take responsibility for their own feelings and reactions.

[@nimusehno]

@@michcookies Thank you for sharing your story. Yes, it’s very difficult for everyone involved. I think the best we can do is be aware and just be open to conversations about feelings and be able to accept that someone else’s feelings don’t have to automatically be your own. I get told all the time by my own kids “It’s your fault!” And it hurts, I don’t always have nerves of steel, but knowing they are going through stuff too helps. I really appreciate you telling your side of things from that perspective. It actually helps to forgive them more and myself more to hear it.

[@ankitalokhande7659]

Of course there are many factors But the first and foremost human beings that any child looks up to is their parent themselves So yeah The burden of responsibility isn't enormous on the parents It's actually real And better the earlier it's known and acted out on

[@GlamGoddes101]

“It’s time we take responsibility of our own lives” Personally I always knew I was responsible for my healing and for fixing my life, I definitely never thought my parents were gonna do that job since they’re the ones who did a lot of the damage & it’s obvious that the ppl who hurt u will not be the ones to fix you. So it’s your responsibility, who’s else’s would it be anyway? Just bc someone recognizes the role their parents played in their life doesn’t mean they’re not taking responsibility for their own life

[@nimusehno]

@@GlamGoddes101 Good for you. That’s not what I’m talking about. Im talking about the current movement of reaching into childhood trauma. Not everyone has dealt with those issues and things Can resurface at a later age than when abuse happened. When it’s revisited issues can happen with parental blame. I’ve listened to hours of that kind of content and while it has helped heal my relationship with my abusers, at first it made me have a skewed view of how much a parent could potentially be responsible for. These videos don’t always focus on how many other factors there are towards ourselves especially our thoughts which are the most important. There needs to be a shift of focus towards how much our thoughts create our realities and it’s not always an outside force making everything horrible. This is specifically targeted to people who have suffered childhood trauma and who currently suffer disorders such as CPTSD. It is a daily mountain to climb and everyday has to begin with our personal thoughts towards ourselves when we’ve gone through so many years of horrifying experiences. So yeah the guilt is real. The blame is real - but it doesn’t have to be a burden.

[@memenmtomori]

This is something that keeps me up at night and I'm so glad I've watched this video! I love content creators like Lana, who live a slow life and preach that you should find peace and balance in your life by working on youself and "stepping away" from social media, for example. But, at the same time, I keep asking myself "How am I supposed to find peace when I live in a world so violent and full of injustice? How can I not let all of this affect my onw life?" and, honestly, if that's how you find hapiness, then I don't want it. I want to take care of myself but I also want to take care of others, it got to the point where I started thinking that, as someone who's studying to be a lawyer and is preparing to deal with social injustice daily, I would never be trully happy, and that's bullshit. I'm more than happy to be able to create my political consciousness and engage in social activism.

[@Geshtafshnifka]

It’s when one is not in the turmoil of a society that one can say things like’distance yourself , leave social media, money is not important etc’ , say that to a Syrian and the answer will be different. Lana is from Sweden based on the very few videos I watched, and sweden has fewer social issues and injustices , so of course she can say she lives in peace.

[@rba4377]

100%!

[@korviscapetrova5269]

Golden words miss

[@tsaraouth-4329]

I think that it depends more on the type of person that you are. If you deeply take at heart all the world’s matters then you’ll never be truly happy. But you can still live your life at peace and acknowledging all the injustice and violence in the world.

[@phosphenevision]

@@tsaraouth-4329 not when the problems are at your doorstep, it doesnt matter what type of person you are. From the commenter's name I would guess they are brazillian, which I am too, and we are going through intense political instability for the last few years, since the pandemic started more people are going hungry than decades ago when poverty was a huge problem, we are quickly reaching more deaths than the US from covid and we haven't had any serious measures to stop the spread so far, this isn't something we can just forget and be at peace with, everyday is a threat to every right we have gained and to our future. Not to mention people who are going through actual wars, of course we as humans make it through, find contentment where we can, but its tone deaf to say to people to just find peace with themselves when they are in the eye of the hurricane.

[@shivadas1008]

Interesting point and video! But to me it feels like here too there's a lot of generalization. If someone says they see the benefits of remaining calm and finding peace, it doesn't mean they're against being angry when injustice happens! It could mean, for example going in and looking past the outrage tweets that copy other people's words, and finding the calm to form your own thoughts from that anger/whatever emotion, and then express it with full on emotion, from an even deeper point. If we'd all share our discontent with more thought (definitely when we are those that are privileged), those that disagree would receive less ammo!

[@AnushHariharan]

This is very good. I love School of Life, but it is very nice to see their ideas being challenged. A good life is an idea, and ideas need debates and different perspectives. While "alternate" self-help is different from the mainstream, it has gone by unchallenged. Love to see a panel discussion of you with these other KZbinrs.

[@AliceCappelle]

Thank you so much ! 🥰

[@ecenuryavas6363]

For me, realizing not all of my problems are caused by me was a huge relief actually. Through understanding political movements and be able to put a name on some of the problems I have to face, realizing they are common and I am not guilty because I am not okay with some things as they are made me a happier person. Understanding some of the bad things that you are going through are results of injustices can really help people too. I think being able to understand some issues can help people to find a safer/ more supportive environment for themselves and this takes such a weight off your shoulders if you are in a position to be able to do that.

[@Jaykaverse]

Yeah people in self help would say it's our fault when like that's not always the case. Society has a lot of injustices.

[@eilishrebecca7534]

It seems like Lana and Nathaniel are mostly just sharing their opinions on self help it's not like they're experts. Regardless of their following. They don't claim to have all the answers, from what I can tell. Although, I can see how they could both be perceived as too individualistic. However they also share wisdom, interesting ideas and stories. Being calm all the time is not the energy I get from their videos and I've never seen them make a claim that anger is wrong. They both don't have that much life experience when you think about it (pretty sure Nathaniel is 22). For some people, dealing with the external world or big picture issues doesn't come as naturally. You made some good points in this video though, I agree with you about focusing on those around you and not only your own self. It's true that our environment shapes us and who we are. Paradoxically "you can't pour from an empty cup"...looking after ourselves can enable us to reach out to others and help them with their needs. I suppose it's about finding a balance, at least that's how I see things.

[@douloureux.]

Age does not define life experience though.

[@zofiamartin8187]

You could have plenty of life experience by 20, or next to no life experience + a sheltered life at 50. I don’t think we can judge life experience on age

[@felipealonso7859]

What is wisdom? how do we measure it?

[@deuteriumtritium9700]

I've been watching your videos for a while now and sometimes scroll back to your older videos. You're truly one of the best topic commentary channels out of all the ones that exist that I have come across. You're not extreme and always have an insightful perspective. Thank you for putting your videos out here!

[@tierrapetersen4651]

This is so true. I've been on a self help journey, trying to figure out what to do. I like a lot of the people who mentioned, but for me my happiness lies in my family and what can I do to serve my community. Thanks for this reminder, I needed that. I watch this stuff, I'm always looking inward, what should I be doing, overthinking everything. Joy and satisfaction comes from making a difference in the lives of those around you. You tackled a very deep concept very elegantly and precisely. Thank you for this.

[@ranicierkens666]

I never saw these videos as ‘the absolute truth’? I also never had the feeling that they are making these videos with the stance: ‘this is the absolute truth, you HAVE to do this and that’. I saw these videos as inspiration, people sharing their POV and lifestyle with the message ‘we are also figuring ourselves out’ (Nat, Matt and Lana) Nevertheless it’s nice to see a different view on these type of videos, I just never looked at them like that. Thank you for the video!

[@ranicierkens666]

Also: love your message at the end :)

[@mayaramsharma3424]

@@ranicierkens666 You share my thoughts. Thanks for putting them into words ❤🙏

[@jamien.5528]

Agreed. This video is misinformed

[@tuanang7889]

more people must see this comment, she spoke it for me.

[@360shadowmoon]

Agree. The criticisms against the videos are against claims they never made. She is just shitting on people for...expressing their views. The fact that the vloggers come from privilege is somewhat relevant (like I know Matt was able to live with his parents for a while before his filming career took off), but like, they're still allowed to make videos about whatever they want. Saying they are "brainwashing" is giving them too much power.

[@AshTanya]

You and many others have started to critique the school of life in a way which I think is very necessary. I enjoyed the channel at one point but I started to feel like it was making me feel a high sense of self importance and "other people are the problem " attitude which I saw a lot of on the channel as well. Great video!

[@louera]

Hmm, I haven’t quite noticed that theme on TSOL. I think that that channel simply makes you aware of how others affect you, like in your childhood, and how can it be your fault since you’re still a baby at that time?

[@theresecibaka6878]

I wouldn't say that TSOL is always putting the problem on other people. I believe it fair to say that our childhood plays a huge role in how we're built psychologically. In almost all of their videos there is a what should you do or ask yourself. I've been on therapy for about a year now and rewatching some of the TSOL videos, I can now understand better certain things and I am fascinated by how accurate they are. [English is not my native language :) ]

[@MiguelThinks]

I enjoyed Alain's mini documentaries on the history and philosophy of happiness featuring different philosophers' takes. From many years ago. Maybe he should go back into something similar where he can get genuine reactions from the people he meets, you know, actual demographics, not just statistics or something. But yes, I started noticing critical takes on his content. I still have one friend who still watches TSOL. I don't know how to break it to her lol.

[@user-umcub]

If you have ever used the app I think it's disbanded now there was so much bulling from people claiming to be of better intelligence

[@itgoesmyway]

I definitely don't think that's the message TSOL was trying to send and I definitely did not get that AT ALL.

[@allanvargastomas3493]

I'm really glad I found your channel because by the end I'm always self-reflecting on my own biases

[@clarisselibene]

thank you so much Alice for pointing precisely the problem with self help. As a life coach helping mainly women from the Black community in France and the Carribeans, I have noticed how much this stigma on anger and other negative emotions affected the mental health of the women of my community. Black women here are so afraid to portray the "angry black woman " stereotype that they suppress deny and disown their anger against a system thay oppresses them and is profoundly unfair. In my eyes, focusing only positive emotions is novocaine. It prevents us all as a collective to tap into the real power of all emotions such as anger, sadness or even jealousy. for the last 3 months, I have been seriously questioning why this type of self help had been so much pushed in the media and why the concept of karma for example was now distilled all over the world. I came to the same conclusion as you : a perfect tool to preserve the status quo and prevent people from questioning the system. Thank you for your brilliant work. You have a new subscriber here.

[@TirsaTalks]

their apolotical nature focused on calm emotions reminds me of jubilee’s middle ground and their focus on empathy and kindness

[@JivanNavij]

What's your interpretation of middleground?

[@seemysight]

@@JivanNavij middle ground is the name of the panel by the Chanel jubilee

[@RactupusRex]

thank you! that middle ground shit always bothered me

[@starzies]

Middle ground used to be interesting but now they're discussing the dumbest shit or debating if people deserve rights

[@k.d3983]

@@starzies they give room for bigots to portray them as people who just have different opinions and the other side as radical liberals who don’t know how to be tolerant to other folks opinions. The Trump supporters videos comes to mind- they tried to make trump supporters be kind folks who aren’t bigots. However, they did not provide nuance for people who voted Trump despite not liking him and knew he was problematic but were convinced that he could help them financially because they didn’t trust the alternative (democrats) vs. people who support trump because they’re okay and even support his disgusting bigotry and want him to be [more] racist.

[@MegaPerson2011]

In my opinion, just because those youtubers are sharing their lifestyle with us, it doesn't mean you have to live the same way they do. I personally enjoy their content, but I don't have the same lifestyle. Nowadays youtube as so much diverse content for everyone, and if you don't resonate with someone's content, you can find so many other type of videos. They are just talking with us, just like friends talk to each other. You can listen to them, but you don't need to do what they say

[@jakemartinez9597]

Exactly. Take what works for you and discard the rest. None of these youtubers are brainwashing you unless you let them.

[@googleaccount6919]

I hate when some influencers are out of touch. I find it irresponsible when they are the ones leading the content, standards, and beliefs that are shaping our generation. This comment is like saying, you cant ask for some accountabilities from ad companies or filmmakers or magazinrs who have misleading portrayal of how and what people are and should be and etc. Look at how people are bashing rhe Kardashians for setting up unrealistic beaury standards to young women. Whether we like it or not, these people have power. And with power, you do need responsibility. Personally, I just really really want to see more relatable and raw youtubers who are not deaf to the reality of the majority of their audience. Influencers who can reach people. I am so sick of this side of youtube where the privileged and pretty privileges overwhelms me. I am defo filtering the contents that I am watching.

[@danibaie]

@@googleaccount6919 honestly, get over yourself. There are billions of hours of videos on KZbin. Find what works for you. It is incredibly self centered to expect all content, or even most, to be catered to you. Human beings have different realities and that will always be the case. Find a youtuber whose reality resonates with you, and leave the rest. I don't like any of these creators' works, including this lady. But I respect that their videos are from their perspective in life. Live and let live.

[@Lexlex11848]

Exactly I feel like people take things too serious.. like you are responsible for your life and you only. If you don’t like it then don’t watch it I personally feel these ppl aren’t doing anything wrong

[@mikemikel1629]

@@googleaccount6919 not everyone believes what you believe and it seems that you're asserting yourself as fully correct and impossible to be wrong. Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, these youtubers don't believe in what you believe? Now that you've come to this realization do you see them as awful monsters that should be kept away from society in cages where the key has been thrown away? As the other person said get over yourself.

[@makennabolen5692]

I feel like the school of life can be helpful, but if you watch too many videos at once, you can find yourself digging up trauma in everyday life situations. This can make that trauma overwhelming because you feel like you can’t escape it.

[@elenanina]

I''ve been watching your videos for one hour straight and I'm now filled with new reflections about society and world, and excited to explore and think about them with my friends.

[@snehlaxmi]

I thank God for whatever I watched and did to end up here. This comment section is as golden as this video ✨ People questioning the people questioning the really people. Bravo

[@brownleonard8921]

I've seen most of Lana's videos and they've helped with my confidence and getting to know myself better, and I think everyone else can get something from her too. I think that self-help isn't completely toxic, just like everything else, it only gets bad when we overdo it. You don't just write it off, you pick up what you can and you move on.

[@tumorlolita]

Agree

[@veras5087]

you capture this really well! That's exactly the problem I have with those self-help videos. Yes, they help, but they say that to feel good you need to remove yourself from the real world and wrap in some kind of safety bubble by ignoring bad things. But some bad things impact your life massively and just can't be ignored.

[@cherrycookie7365]

Thank you for this video, especially the point about the harmful encouragement to not fight the system, but to "fix yourself" instead. I struggle with that a lot, I was always told to not complain and do best with what I can get - even if I'm in a bad and oppressive situation. And I'm still told that. Maybe there is pragmatism behind it, but I find that not being able to even voice (and be heard) that some things are unfair only made me feel more miserable and defeated. I'm trying to un-learn that and accept that it's okay to say that something is unfair, that things should be better, that I deserve help and that it's okay to not be positive and happy all the time, or appreciate everything coming my way.

[@cherrycookie7365]

@@Greenisthebestcolor I got it from parents, some teachers, doctors, sometimes even colleagues.

[@paularodriguez5250]

I think the reason I’ve found their content so comforting is because I’ve numerously felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. There are so many issues that need fixing in the world and I can’t help but empathize with all of them. I do this to the point in which I get upset and my mood will be affected. So when watching these alt self help channels I’m almost reminded to take a moment and heal myself. Now I’m on the path of finding a balance between both. Learning to be the activist I want to be while also learning how and when (for lack of better wording) to “switch” to this alt self help lifestyle. Cool video, thanks! Also loving this comment section.

[@sarcasticserpent]

I have to say, I got a few of your videos pop up in my search results, and at first I expected some provocative "unpopular opinions" that demonize current trends. I am so happy to see I was mistaken, and even more happy that I found your channel. You truly dive deep into the matter you're talking about, and I fell like you give the right amount of weight to its every aspect - both the positive and the negative. Most importantly, your videos make me think and question the world around me in new ways. Thank you!

[@z.k.7472]

I love your videos so much🌸 to engage with your final thought - getting angry is a beautiful way to heal. It lets you free yourself of the mental baggage that you carry every day, and after you explore your emotions without judging yourself, you can reach the praised mental clarity, and maybe start finding good though-out solutions to the problems that were bothering you. I feel like distancing yourself can be good for your mental state if it’s currently very fragile (i for example avoid news about disasters and tragic accidents, because I know that I can’t process them well), but it still leaves you very fragile in case you can’t avoid them for some reason.

[@xoxo00009]

The part about leaving social media: what is wrong about leaving social media and not reading the news? Engaging in those 2 things is not dealing with the real world. In fact, it is the very opposite.

[@lockenessmotorsports818]

If you want to become a miserable depressed mess, watch the news as soon as you get up. You're 100 percent right and the social media thing.

[@user-xd8qi5dg1y]

I just want people to be educated on what is going on in their community and country, even the world, since they are electing political parties/politicians. That's one aspect of why I think keeping up with the news is important, though I understand that that can be emotionally draining at times. It's all about balance, just like everything else. (and not only reading about the big and bad news, but about positive news as well:)

[@xoxo00009]

@@user-xd8qi5dg1y hello:) well with reading the news, in my part of the world in Europe at least, a lot of what is written is just pushing a certain agenda to the public, which includes watered down and/or false information. But yea I agree that we do need to know what is going on around us and in the world but also not believe everything being reported. But I do stand by relinquishing unnecessary forms of social media such as Instagram and fb as I have done so myself for nearly 2 months now and these 2 months have been the most productive of my life:D

[@harshadapadaya8417]

Watching the news is important, and watching from an unbiased source is extremely important. We need honest journalism. We can't completely cut it out. We should watch on our on time and keep a time limit. Like 2 hrs everyday or every other day. Same with social media, the problem is that we engage with it all the time. As soon as we wake up we're active on social media. This is harmful. If u don't want to completely cut it out, cuz ofc we have some friends there, we should keep a time limit. That's it

[@bak3456]

self help should never be taken as absolute, life will never be perfect and cute all the times. Those creators are doing ther job which is creating content based on self help topics but people should apply common sense

[@Viktoriexo]

Exactly my thoughts! Just because someone is preaching something, doesn’t mean you have to follow their advice.

[@resurgam_jsc]

Well said. imo some of these comments are ridiculous. They come in with the assumption that self-help videos promise a universal truth that solves all their problems but they really are just perspectives that can be listened to or ignored. Then they get disappointed and dismissive when the content doesn't meet their expectations or doesn't have something that they can personally relate to.

[@bumbum9351]

Exactly

[@PiaAmorin]

Love having these conversations. Thank you for creating this space!

[@anonikamous]

Your points are well thought out and presented in a casual manner that is able to reach the layman. What’s more, your hopefulness and optimism shines through. Thank you for creating quality content 🙏🏼

[@MarianaCreme]

I think we need to all start volunteering en masse again to offset this year of introspection lol.

[@laraglavanpivec]

I watch Lana Blakely and I find her life very calm and peaceful. She seems a very nice person and I wouldn’t say she only focusses on herself. Yes, she puts herself on the first place, but her kindness also reflects on others, maybe she focusses more on her community and not on the world. But for me, that doesn’t seem a problem. Do what makes you happy, I LOVE helping others because that truly makes my life better, but sometimes I HAVE to focus only on myself because if you’re not happy with yourself, you can’t help others with your full potential. I think being critical is cruicial but there are some days when thinking about others problems makes me depressed. I think we should take more actions in our community and at the same time spread awareness on what is going on around the world. But as a 17 year old girl, I can’t change the world. At the same time, I can contribute to a little part and that’s enough for me.

[@laraglavanpivec]

+ we have to understand that every human being is different. There is no perfect answer to this topic and that’s okay. I think the key is balance, being self-oriented or being completely into other’s people problems is not healthy. Somewhere in the middle is where I personally think is the healthy way for most of us. I loved your video, thank you for sharing your perception💕

[@sugassugar8036]

This💕.

[@madisoncontroversial7348]

I really think she should do some meditation videos or something. Listening to her has help calm my anxiety. She naturally does CBT

[@DK-th5nt]

I also find Lana's videos very relaxing and calming and usually agree with her reflections. And must admit looking at her is very enjoyable xD

[@masruramashiur3801]

Right ❤️

[@hannalor333]

Your videos put into well-organised words what I‘ve been thinking and feeling more and more in the last few years. Thanks for your content!

[@gocanadayayyy]

Very glad I found this video! I feel overall there is a big push towards individualism these days and ... this video has caused me to question my own involvement in it in more ways than one. Thanks for this!

[@natashalandicho3614]

Very fresh take on the self help community, thanks for your input. I used to watch this one youtuber back in the day who got so much shit done and shut out all negativity and said he never watches the news because it interferes with his mindset. I admired his accomplishments both physically and mentally that I began to rely on myself a lot and didn't even realize I was developing that approach too and always tried to avoid talking about politics. However, now that I'm older I've realized that it's important to engage to some degree if you actually care about the people around you. It's selfish to be entirely absorbed in perfecting your lifestyle while ignoring struggles that your close loved ones or friends may try to reach out to you for guidance for.

[@gcs9335]

You totally blew my mind when you called a positivity mindset a “coping mindset”... you put into words something I’ve always felt to be true. Incredible!!

[@crystalayala3336]

I saw the title and was instantly like why??? I struggle to sit through the video because I just wanted to know why this compete stanger, that just popped up on my feed, felt this way about self help. And then I got it! I am very pleased with the thoroughness of this video and can't wait to see more! Tres bon!

[@Deletaste]

You hit the nail. Actually, I am really glad that this video popped up in my recommendations. This means I am not fully down in the rabbit hole of the self improvement videos that I have been watching lately. I think that the ideal here is to try to balance between inwards and outwards energy.

[@saltpepper7525]

I have watched TSOL for years now and have never felt that I'm being manipulated but rather educated. Because the books I read on the mental health issues-that are backed by research-say almost the same things. Infact I have been able to forgive my caregivers because I learned that they couldn't be blamed for my trauma. The kind of anger they're talking about is the crazy type, you know when you lash out, deliberately say hurtful, untrue things, not the one you feel for social injustices. Both are called anger but very different. But I get that we shouldn't accept whatever is thrown at us without critically analysing it.

[@Kif_Lee]

Same here. I am in therapy for years, both in private sessions and group work. Everything I saw on that chanel is consistent with what I learned and saw. I am not privileged in many aspects of life, therapy didn't change that, sure, but still it helps tremendously. The world is flawed (to say the least), but so are we. I see nothing wrong with bettering at least that part that you can. I am liberal, but I found this video quite bs to be honest.

[@makennabolen5692]

That’s so true there is a difference between anger and indignation. It would be helpful if these channels distinguished between the two so no one feels invalidated for the valid type of anger.

[@alexmeyer2058]

It felt intellectually dishonest to criticize TSOL's focus on childhood events as unfounded, even though she has a point that their videos could be improved by providing sources.

[@charlotte7955]

This popped up on my recommended and I'm so glad it did!

[@nehakiran525]

Yes

[@eurekamreum5458]

Same! I'm so happy this channel got recommended to me, I love this style of content

[@killsarawr]

Sameeee

[@adrianocavalcanti298]

Same here. 🙏🏻

[@vlf119]

This is the essay I would have wanted to write: original, profound and dealing with a very specific and widespread mode of socialisation of the present. Congratulations ❤

[@bigggtime6336]

there's definitely a balance that can be found between inner work and external work. I think too heavy of a focus on external work can be an excuse in ignoring things you should deal with, and likewise if you solely focus internally life can become much more self-centered

[@Chrisjonpage]

This exactly✨

[@eghaeee]

reminds me of what jamie kalven talked about w the concept of the 'internal emigre'... people who in the face of injustice turn inwards into enjoying private life (drinking & eating good, spending time with friends) as a way to deny the external reality of injustice. "if we withdraw from public engagement now, we aid and abet that which we deplore."

[@eu9ne]

yea ive recently had this realisation as well. i used to be constantly concerned with bettering myself, so much to the point where i wasnt aware or empathetic of others and their experiences. for example, im having a dilemna about what to study in uni and what i want to do in the future, and for the longest time ive thought about this from the perspective of myself- i centred myself in the discussion and considered whether i would really be satisfied and happy doing this job or that, but now ive realised that the best way for me to find fulfilment is to have a job that centres around others by helping them and really impacting their lives. rather than shutting ourselves away from the worlds problems, we should dedicate our time to helping to improve it, and in this way we really can find the happiness and purpose that we are all looking for

[@Imnotmorganfreeman]

I agree. Woow reading your comment made me further realise what all this self help introperspective videos have done to me. I felt so self absorbed and so focused on my path that it ended up negatively impacting my perspective of other people (and myself) in my life. I did distance myself from their video bc of them overly guiding my own life but i didn’t know why - i just knew it wasn’t healthy. This really gave me the answer i lacked so thank you so much for your comment and sharing your insight! 💕

[@fahimzahir9587]

I haven't seen this much introspection turned outwards in a long time. Thank you. I'm definitely subscribing becasue I know you are and will produce high value content infused with meaning!

[@val5431]

I think this can relate a lot to self help books since they ignore the obvious injustices and simplify it, but not as much as to self help KZbinrs living their life. great content! we seem to be on the same page about self help, I haven’t heard someone else talk about it in a way I relate.

[@rba4377]

My fav part is Nathaniel Drew's recent video where he says he channel is not about hustle or self development... ok, sure. I think they pick up on the trends and try to "discreetly" change the narrative

[@phosphenevision]

Exactly, he's totally distancing himself from that narrative because it recently came into critique. It's totally understandable if he himself grew from those ideas and is rethinking his content and what he wants to speak about. But he's not questioning or critiquing his own content or showing us how he changed/views things differently, the whole video was just "nah that's not me, I'm just a dude that likes laughing and goats actually", very superficial.

[@TheBettermentChannel]

Same. I felt the same thing.

[@jose91807]

you just don't understand I'm always been a person like Nathaniel an introverted guy who has always try to improve as a person his videos are his journey of how he has been doing that even I could create a youtube channel talking about my experiences you just haven't done a journey to self-improvement may be because you haven't needed it and because of that you thing is everything about hustle like not its something completely different they talk about how they have become someone who they now love when they didn't as I was when I was in middle school like I hated myself to the point of suicidal thoughts once I realize that it the fact that I was depress was my fault and no the people around me I finally start a change in my life to become the person I wanted to be and finally when I was 16 I made it you just don't understand the feeling of crying of happiness knowing that after all your hard work and pain you manage to love yourself you finally became who you wanted to be. And yes I took this person because in my personal experience there is not the way of being happy if you don't love yourself first as I have experience in my life I believed If more people were like myself we would be a happier society and would die for this idea

[@mr.badass5292]

@@phosphenevision I see what you mean, but I don’t believe he did this in a disingenuous way. And yes..he did grew out of it cause he said it in the video lol. People change, and so did he. He even said his definition of success has changed and showed how did he think back then. Although I do agree, he shouldve pointed out how what he put out causes the impression of him, as a thing of self awareness. But the fact that he brought it up did show growth. And of course, he still loves what he does. he likes to help people because he feels naturally inspired to do so. In fact, he just shares his thoughts and viewpoints on things a lot of the times. Which is totally natural for anyone to do when they love something. Have you ever been inspired to the point that you just want to give out content cause you love to do something? For me, I make inspirational videos because I love to help others:) Some people just need a helping hand, and need different advice for part of their lives and could change their life. Do you need it all the time or at all if you don’t want to? Of course not! You don’t have to do it, and he’s not forcing you to do it either. Have you ever changed your mind on something but still feel inspired to do what you want to do? It’s like if a rapper used to do deragotry slurs a lot, but then he decided to stop it but still does his passion of rapping. I don’t think it’s right to completely banish the guy, especially if he’s heading towards the right direction. There are far, far, FAR more worse teachers lol...critiques are fair, but just letting you know. People are often skeptical of other people, but you don’t know of his actual experience and how much he resonates with his work to help others, even if you don’t see it as such. But either way, peace and love:)

[@elenablancoesquivel5201]

I love the premise, the dialogue, the nuance everything is so refreshing thank you for this

[@AliceCappelle]

Thank you 🥰

[@usagi-z]

Alice, your videos are enlightening, refreshing and simply addictive. (I'm watching the third one within this hour.) All the best and merci beaucoup!

[@Octoberstorm333]

I like watching for quick motivation and insight on other’s life to see how other ppl go about. I rarely install their routines into mine since I work retail. But it’s a breath of fresh air the content they put out. It makes you feel capable of different lifestyle

[@seansiriphan]

I disagree. There’s a difference between “coping” (simply surrendering to the systems and your circumstances) and putting yourself in a peaceful and ready state so you will be better equipped to approach your problems more effectively and strategically. It seems to me that the goals of these so-called “alternative self-help” channels lean more towards the latter, not the first.

[@Tatiana_Palii]

That's so true! You have to put the oxygen mask on your own face first, before helping others.

[@Katharine888]

That's been my experience with this type of content. I'm confused that these videos are considered alternative self-help when their recommendations aren't outside of what therapists have recommended to me.

[@OutsideOurCave]

Great take! Had the same thought from Nathaniel's "if the news make you feel bad just don't read the news anymore"

[@LaVaneBea]

That is my strategy and has been working wonders for me.

[@OutsideOurCave]

​@@LaVaneBea I know that it works in terms of not feeling bad about it, I mean I get all cynical from it too because often all the positive things that happen are not covered that much (which is why I'm searching for journalism with a more positive/negative news balance) - but I also feel an obligation to reduce suffering in the world as much as I can, and if all the empathetic people that are affected more by the news, the people who care, close their eyes on the bad stuff that's happening that's kinda bad for the world. If I don't care about the news I can just too easily forget how bad the reality of the climate crisis is e.g. and ignore that it threatens my future and the lives of so many others. But I shouldn't ignore that, because it actually has a negative impact and influence on my future and thus my current life. And I can't effectively do something about it, without knowing what's going on. I don't say that you can't help without reading the news. But I feel like you need to face the reality of bad shit happening in some way in order to change it. And when I can help I should help. I don't want to be a happy bystander. If you've successfully included that in your strategy, please share! 👐🏼

[@Dan_Chiron]

@@OutsideOurCave It depends on your close environment. If you live in a middle class suburb of a wealthy country, you may forget the sh*tty stuff when you don't watch the news, but... If you live in a place of social struggle, believe me, reality won't let you forget what's happening around you. The least you want is the news rubbing your situation, or the dangers around it, right on your face, because that, also, can contribute to stop taking action for betterment.

[@learnerdecuriousqueen3320]

Hi

[@Cheezeraven]

I’ve narrowed my news source down to one primarily data based podcast that I only occasionally listen to and I’ve found that the lack of doom scrolling has actually helped free up some less anxious part of my brain. That said, I’m surprised about how much news I still consume in an unintentional way. Maybe it’s because I’m a liberal in the US and most of my friends/family are liberals in the US and they send me stuff but I have not missed any major news story since I stopped actively seeking out so much news.

[@shimonepumpkin777]

You are def my all time favorite KZbinr. Your content is so thoughtful and precise! Thank you for the content !

[@alexwb9028]

You just provided me with a completely new perspective - something doesn't often happen. Thank you!

[@TheAnthraxBiology]

When I saw Nathaniel's video about the news it really irritated me for reasons you put in much better terms. I think a lot of this problem is born out of an *extreme* sense of individualism. Individualism is not inherently bad nor should it be ignored, but I do think it's partially responsible for this mindset. THis is the first video of yours I've seen and I'm really happy I found your channel!

[@melonwaternom]

This is not a hate comment, and I don't believe in blind optimism either, but I wonder if minimalist blogger content or school of life content is that harmful that it "brainwashes" people. I really see no problem with their content if you approach it critically - as you should everything you see or read online. I think their content is a good first step. An example from my life is how I found minimalism. It's ideas really helped me - and I never felt the pressure to quit my job and start a "4 hour workweek" (I will never be possible for me). But the ideas that minimalist bloggers share helped me realise which things are important in life, and this includes social issues.

[@remedy00]

"Brainwashing" has a negative connotation, but there are ideas that are handed down generationally and that we generally accept uncritically, which as someone who experienced cultic abuse, can be experienced as covert coercion through employment of cultural/social systems. I feel a lot of self-help figures and ideas play into our culturally accepted means of...coping? (for example, the west's widely accepted ideas of forgiveness towards your oppressor and how it aligns with Christian belief) Either way, critical examination of this kind of content, and in general, individual critical examination of most media through unbiased standards, *is* difficult for a lot of people, as shown by our current political climates. The internet, and by extension, the world, is filled to the brim with abusive cultic figures endorsing self-help and ideas promising the betterment of oneself. Holding these figures or channels up to scrutiny and bringing up the "brainwashing," "cult" issue, even if they seem harmless, is IMO a lot better at damage reduction than letting them freely run amuck or turning a blind eye to it. We all know how that's turned out before.

[@TheSm1thers]

I'm not familiar with the others but I don't get what's wrong with school of life. It just puts forward ideas about life, many of which are based on fact.

[@jojoo1999]

I agree with you! their content has made me reflect and really helped me in my every day life.

[@360shadowmoon]

Agree. I'm also extremely confused at the assumption that "self-help" content and social/political activisism are mutually exclusive? Don't get me wrong, I don't like all self-help content, but were any of them claiming to be universal in solving problems?? The self-help books I've read focus on individual, day-to-day behavior, while the political books I read are about larger systems and historical events. They don't cancel each other out. I'm sure there is self-help content out there that is very militant about "this way is the best way", but most are framed as suggestions.

[@spritelover2683]

I wish self help could actually help me. And i agree i think the idea and tips does help people, but as someone like me who have bipolar i get overly obessed to the point that if i dont fullfilled this or dont succeed this im indeed a failure,lazy,no dicipline and then i go on days being severe depressed, yes its my fault i can agree with that. Im sharing why it could be bad/dangerous for people who deals with heavily stuff but people with right intention and know a good balance i dont see why it doesnt work c:.

[@EmmatheIsh]

KILLING IT WITH THIS VID !!! Thank you for breaking it down, the unsettled feeling I have felt about lifestyle videos like this. Yes, these content creators do have a thesis and point of view that is important for us to critique. Would be interested to see more scholarship on this topic

[@EricksonFilmsYT]

This is an excellent analysis! I couldn’t articulate this feeling I’ve had and you lay it out here perfectly

[@tianasao]

I've never really thought about this but you made some pretty great points! I think the alternative self-helpers do provide value when it comes to chill entertainment but I find that a lot of the advice they give tend to be idealistic and don't really take into account everyone's current disposition and background, which would probably be impossible to do anyway. I'm now on my way to watch your other videos because the algorithm said "you're gonna love this" and like, yes indeed 👀

[@archdevil7472]

Thank you for bringing this issue to light. I used to be a big fan of matt damon's youtube channel after watching his documentaries about minimalism. However, the message of any negative feeling being due to my mismanagement or my mistakes made me direct anger at myself. Through self harm. Despite the fact that I was simply in a bad situation, at home and school. Since then, I've distanced myself from those situations and am doing a lot better, but I still felt a shit ton of guilt for doing what was best for my health. Those 'self-help' channels probably have good intentions, but promote a message of internal strife instead of community reform and communicating what makes you uncomfortable.

[@arwenives]

I just watched two of your videos and subscribed. I love your nuanced approach. Also, I wanted to add that, while I don't know most of the KZbinrs you named and can't speak specifically to them, one thing a lot of self-help gurus get wrong is thinking anger is bad. Anger is what allows us to know our boundaries and helps us hold those boundaries. No emotion can be bad as all emotions are functions of survival and meeting our needs. One problem is that people often use their emotions to excuse bad or dysregulated behavior and that leads people to associate certain emotions - particularly anger - with the behavior itself and so if someone just appears angry it's seen as "violence" but it's not, it's actually just that we might be triggered by witnessing a person being angry. When there is injustice we are talking about boundaries being crossed in a big way -- meaning, what people of the marginalized group need to feel safe and whole has been disregarded and overstepped to say the least. It is definitely important to have emotional intelligence not just for the workplace but for our ability to understand our own needs, and any sort of revolution begins there -- understanding what our needs are (I mean this in the psychological sense of what we need in order to thrive and feel well) should be the basis of how we build any societal structures. We have been taught for so long to ignore many needs in order to meet the needs of capitalism when in fact it should be the other way around and it's what I think people are waking up to more and more as you discuss. One last thing I want to add is that school of life discusses psychology and philosophy, neither of which is a pure science or even a science in the case of philosophy. So while I agree that more studies would be helpful, I think we might also keep in mind that both those subjects will always be discussed with some subjectivity involved. I say this because a lot of people have the misconception that psychology is a science, when in fact it's a mix of humanities and science, involving a vast array of psychological theories, some of which have been studied and backed by scientific research and others that haven't, mostly because they are more difficult to study, but have enough theoretical merit to hold weight to them. Now that I get to the end of this paragraph, I realize that, to your point, more transparency about what the videos are based on whether research or theory would be beneficial.

[@EmilGabrielNYC]

I love your presentation style! You are so so calm that it calms me down! I am super anxious person and I felt calm watching your video! Thank you!

[@AnaLu07]

I've never seen Lana's videos as "Self-Help", to me it was just a person sharing her thoughts with other people,and maybe, this might give us an oportunity to reflect about how WE see it and also share our own thoughts. Which is pretty cool, there is no "right" or "wrong",just different perspectives on life.

[@AliceCappelle]

She definitely has a self-help channel, 90percent of her videos are about how to improve your experience of life/work on yourself to become a better person... Her earliest videos were even more self-helpy than they are now

[@BudderChezMC]

I agree!

[@PatyLavir]

Eu concordo com você Ana! Até porque Lana tem uma personalidade diferente, é apenas um ponto de vista e uma visão de mundo diferente. E faz a gente refletir. Inclusive, eu acho que certos tipos de pessoas teriam problemas sérios de ansiedade se começassem a se engajar com problemas sociais. Cada ser humano tem uma configuração diferente.

[@maheenm.k1015]

@@kathryn1397 It is not an "alternate" way of living. It is how most people would live if they had the privilege. Showing this alternative way of living is also their way of funding their way of living which I find so funny. No one's calling them bad. No need to defend them.

[@carolinecarol7223]

@@maheenm.k1015 remembering that if everyone lives in conditions "without privileges" this is what will continue to exist forever and ever. Someone has to start living a different life, to show that it is possible.

[@user-bv5sq9dy7w]

No one: Me subscribed to all of them : 👁👄👁

[@evedotcom]

lololol same

[@sexykmsm]

this video is excatly the feeling i have been trying to articulate for so long. very well done! thank you

[@lauratrimmell4454]

I really appreciate your perspective and thoughtfulness

[@lunaenavis3127]

I think that it's happening now and has happened many times in the past: sour grapes at a societal level. People are either unable to reconcile themselves to the society or are rejected by it or fail to be successful or are successful and still unhappy, and content themselves by saying "it's worthless anyway, what really matters is X or Y, self-cultivation and inward clarity, etc." Stoicism in late antiquity (and Christianity), pietism in the 18th century, and now self-help youtubers and authors. And, I do think you're right, that people shouldn't withdraw from active life, but face up to it; unhappiness isn't a bad thing if it moves people to action. They give the impression of being idealistic and spiritual, but in reality I think that those who shut the world out to be happy must be some of the least idealistic and the most pusillanimous. It seems to me a symptom of excessive individualism: the first instinct is to focus on oneself rather than on the community, on me alone rather than on all of us. Of course, a person shouldn't be too stormy on the inside, but happiness shouldn't be bought at the price of complacence and willful ignorance.

[@vosong1004]

Though the messages of these channels are sometimes formulaic and cliche, they do help me become in control of my life; I do live more happily, treat others with compassion and fight when there's injustice. Thank you for your perspective but I'll continue receiving their ideas with a selective view.

[@caramelo4942]

all these comments are so interesting to read, and I love the points you made! I particularly like Nathaniel's videos and following his journey and points of view, and School of Life also, but there's definitely a lack of discussions about social issues in most self-help content in yt. the thing is these videos work as a way of escapism for some (for me too at some point) just because of how the systems make us all feel tired and guilty. as you said, balance is crucial!! I'd love to know some youtubers that discuss both the inward and outward worlds.

[@connorhalleck2895]

yes ive been feeling this way about these channels for a while, ty for articulating it so well

[@valentino1646]

I love Matt, I really do. But man there's only so many times you can tell me to eat healthy, exercise, sleep well and milk that minimalist lifestyle cow😂 his content is just a tad bit repetitive these days. Nathaniel's videos are lovely, for me almost escapist. I watch him and I'm reminded to step out of my comfort zone, appreciate every moment and day as if I'll never have another like it and fail but not let my failure define me. These channels are literally in my top 5 favourite yt channels. I've learned so much from them over the years and as a self-conscious, perfectionist, anxious teen, words cannot describe how much they meant to me. But I'm better now, and I'm 19 in law school, and we all know diet and exercise isn't gonna fix injustice and the constant defacating asshole politicians in my country do on the rule of law. I take care of my mental health especially when I'm in that part of the semester where tests and group assignments are just stacking up, but I'm not so stupid to ignore all the atrocities around me, especially when I can learn more about them and educate my family and friends. I'm not 16 anymore just trying to pass my physics and literature exams. I'm legally an adult and a law student at that, It's pretty much self-sabotage to not at least try to keep up with my country's politics and engage in discussions on current events. Hell even when I was 18 in 6th form, one of my favourite shows was Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj (I literally cried when it got cancelled. I'm still sad :( FUCK YOU NETFLIX ). Point is, it's balance. Alternative self help is NOT brainwashing me. It's helped me quite a bit and I'm glad it continues to do so. But I know my experience might be different from others and I still absolutely agree with what you've stated in this video. Though 'brainwashing' has a horrifically negative connotation to it and judging by some of these comments, welcomes people to hate on these KZbinrs for sending a message of mindfulness and self care. I mean, I like Contrapoints and breadtube too but I'm not gonna stop watching them or invalidate what they say cos they aren't encouraging me to journal or meditate. That's what I'm getting from some of these comments and it saddens me.

[@ClaireCraig]

Totally agree. I also don't think every channel and video has to be about politics and social justice--that would get super exhausting. It's okay to have channels about self-care/productivity/etc

[@valentino1646]

@@ClaireCraig 100%

[@angelmoldez3512]

you worded it perfectly 💯

[@valentino1646]

@@angelmoldez3512 Gee thanks so much 😊

[@KateMooreLoves]

Love this and agree 100%

[@orjval]

Actually, I believe you are not able to take action in political discussions and help other people if you're not okay. You have to be an emotionally inteligent person to be involved in social causes, and I say it from my own eperience as a highly sensitive and emphatetic person, this is where the value of those channels takes place.

[@PatyLavir]

I agree. And understand who you are through neuroscience. Then, we can understand other people' behaviors and truly try to change something external..

[@berenice9000]

This right here. I had such little self worth up until a year ago. I was trying to help three friends through their mental health issues, all while avoiding mine. I believed the only value I had was from helping them. But if I ever felt like I wasn’t useful, then I didn’t have a reason to live. So I had to learn to care about myself. To be selfish. And eventually, I was able to live a fulfilling life. I still help my friends, but now I am able to help them in a better and more helpful way. Through helping myself, I am able to give advice that I know actually works, and I have more energy to help more people.

[@mariamshalvashvili8108]

I understand what you are saying but I realize that a significant portion of my anxiety comes from the outside. It’s partially this system that makes us anxious and depressed. I guess we have to realize that anxiety and depression don’t come only from within. The unfair system (may it be capitalism, heteronormativity, patriarchy, racism, orientalism, etc.) causes lots of our mental problems to arise and worsen. Yes, sometimes I’m unable to participate in social issues when I feel especially anxious, you are right. But the issues cannot be solved from internal emphasis only. There is this book called Depression - Public Feeling. And I’m sure you can find it on libgen. It describes a lot of these ideas and it’s a sort of an autobiography as well. I was really thankful to have found the book that described so much of what I was feeling intuitively and affectively. I think the problem with these channels is that they do not acknowledge this overarching system at all and put all the emphasis on the individual only. And that is really blind to all the social issues right now and will not help us long term. Also I doubt minimalism and clean space can fix any serious mental issues, I’m saying this as a person who has been trying to be a minimalist for 4-5 years and likes clean spaces.

[@berenice9000]

@@mariamshalvashvili8108 I can see why you have this perspective, but It’s because of how chaotic the outside is, that it’s so important to have a healthy internal system. If you don’t fix your glasses (the way you perceive the world) you will only see things through a broken lens. That’s not to say that bad shit doesn’t happen around us, or that we should live in ignorance, but we also shouldn’t let it have so much control over our lives. These channels are actually extremely helpful for people who are specifically searching for introspective subjects. I don’t understand why someone would be upset that they don’t talk about politics. Do you click those videos expecting them to talk about social issues? There’s different channels for that, just as there’s different music playlists. Our search history is different every day because we aren’t always searching for the same thing. If these channels started guilt tripping people after giving them advice to care for themselves, it’d be unproductive for the viewer. I’ve personally had a hard time learning that being selfish is not something to feel guilty about (after being a complete people pleaser) and these channels are what I really needed to be my own person. You say that it doesn’t help long term, but you underestimate a clean headspace. People with mental clarity are more aware of their opinions on say, social issues, and would have a better way of going about it. They know who they are because they did the work of getting to know themselves, so unlike many activists, they will be able to detach themselves from the issue, and it won’t cause them to take things as personally. Many people act like their political views are their identity which is untrue. Political views are simply a branch that stems from the core of your identity. To your last point about minimalism, it’s a more external focus to be a minimalist. I think if you haven’t first focused on the internal work, being a minimalist won’t have much meaning. It’ll just be a simple money saver. But I look at minimalism more thoughtfully. I had to have that mindset from a young age because my mom didn’t have a lot of money. So spending wisely made me more grateful for what I did have, and it made buying things that much more fulfilling. It’s all perspective.

[@TheFacuball]

Nothing is apolitical. When Jordan Peterson says to not try to fix the world to instead clean your room, that is a political argument against activism. And as was said in this video, promoting constant positivity is a political statement because then anyone angry at the system is not someone to take seriously because they “didn’t work on themselves first.” We have every right and duty to be political and get angry regardless of our mental state. If I say capitalism contributes to my depression that’s a valid thing to complain about, I don’t have to wait to get over my depression to make it. It’s more true when the negative internal life is due to external life. Like maybe you can’t clean your room because you work two jobs because the government won’t raise the minimum wage. So saying to disconnect and work only on the internal is a clear political statement of apathy to social problems

[@renlytown4123]

Wow, really, I have to say, this is one of the best videos I even watched. Just watched some self help videos last night and felt uncomfortable with them somehow, and you just speak out what I really want to say. Thank you so much Alice!!!♥

[@gcwalther]

I rewatched this video because is so good. Thank you for bringing quality content to the internet