our conception of love is messed up.

[@matthiasannaberger2469]

"A good relationship shouldnt be 50/50, it should be 60/40 and both parties should want to be the one giving 60." I like this thought.

[@matthiasannaberger2469]

@@notmean that just screams "good mental health" im so happy for you 🥰

[@muir9257]

imo that sentiment can only end with resentment, or basically turning your relationship into a one sided competition. strive for giving them all that you can, trusting that they are doing the same for you

[@matthiasannaberger2469]

@@muir9257 60/40... I mean... You dont need to "trust" that they do it, if you dont get your 40% you dont get your 40%, and thats not good, because the other clearly isnt trying to give 60%. In that Statement is both that a person deserves to get treated well, and should do work in a relationship

[@fergalg-mu4wd]

not in everything tho as that would be relationship suicide

[@teewan777]

so a good relationship is 60/60, nice

[@Gingy578]

Love is not the butterflies you feel in your tummy, It is the decision to stay with that person after the butterflies are gone.

[@cristinatorrent990]

That's right. Live is much more complex than the movies and tiktok.

[@michaelromano7490]

I love this comment, and made me realize if my ex actually loved me, or loved the rush instead. Even after the butterflies started to fade, I wanted to continue, fixing ourselves and becoming better. She left me holding a love note in my hand and a gift behind my back. I never was able to give those things to her, and getting over her took longer than the relationship lasted for

[@Gingy578]

@@michaelromano7490 must be tough, but you will rise stronger from that experience. Your next relationship will be much more mature and stable. I wish you peace and wisdom.

[@brendanlarson1179]

@@michaelromano7490 I’m so sorry about that. The same thing happened to me. Peace and love

[@lenira7750]

holy shit

[@namegobrrrrr4407]

"If soulmates do exist, they're not found, they're made. People meet, they get a good feeling, and then they get to work building a relationship."

[@horrorbagels]

That's from the good place!

[@ivanpulido7446]

f a c t s

[@eyahidouri1856]

Is this from a book ? If so can u tell me the name :DD

[@VernaGapas]

@@eyahidouri1856 its from a series called "the good place" I highly recommend it :D

[@kylegabrieldelacruz8413]

AHHH THE GOOD PLACE!!❤️😭

[@littleferrhis]

You know my girlfriend has serious anxiety. She cannot drive, doesn’t have a job, struggles getting outside. I drive 4 hours to see her drive her everywhere, pay for her meals, and many would wonder why I would do that? I have had girls do that kind of thing and I dropped them quickly, but with her it just doesn’t feel that way. It’s really the smile on her face. The love in her eyes. Her jumping into my arms before I leave and when I come back because she is just so happy for me to be there. Her telling me about her great things, her struggles, all of her. It’s the little note she left on my bed that still brings tears to my eyes of her saying “thank you for believing in me, I love you.” Its the thoughtful little gifts she gives. That makes it worth it. Her giving isn’t big, but I know its big for her and that makes it worth it.

[@cheftroyardee7982]

Beautiful, you two are inspiring.

[@Pingluz]

This made me smile ,thanks and dude ur amazing , you have all my respect hope you 2 never break up

[@user-eu8qe8fe7x]

​@@PingluzIf they break up, I hope they both can still be functional and go on with their lifes with mostly good memories.

[@BurntOutGamer]

My girlfriend at the time was kind of like this for a while. She had severe anxiety and depression, struggled getting out of bed, doesn’t have her drivers license, and ended up quitting college after her 3rd year due to health problems. She did and still does display the affection you described and we’re married now, she was so anxious about me being the only one working for a while but I always reassure her. We are living a wonderful life together and she is now finding her calling as a virtual assistant, and is helping me achieve my dreams as well. I wish you continued success with your relationship.

[@MarL58]

I had a girlfriend that used to do things like that, and I fucked everything up. I hope one day I'll get to be friends again with her but until then I'll work on becoming better myself

[@tomi3448]

"People watch a 15 seconds clip online and suddenly everyone's got a psychology degree" You should put that on a golden plate

[@morningstarofdarkness]

so true

[@Jaiiilewmos]

Hahahaha as an actual psychology major, this made me laugh

[@Matt-jb5rg]

Brilliant

[@novricoc2349]

tell that to tiktok kids

[@squeaks5677]

the biggest of facts

[@gabirmol]

my dad had a saying: “love is 10% about finding the right partner, 90% about BEING the right partner.”

[@PeterEhik]

The old man’s wise

[@epicenterbasshd9636]

Id like to think otherwise 100% finding the right partner 0% being the right one, i don’t believe in changing who i am for no one.

[@PeterEhik]

@@epicenterbasshd9636 thing is no one has to be in a romantic relationship or long term partnership. However, any kind of relationship will require some amount of work, doesn't mean changing who you are, it just means learning how to love someone who isn't you.

[@epicenterbasshd9636]

@@PeterEhik you are 100% right brotha

[@cortezfilms8511]

@@epicenterbasshd9636 that’s not what Gabri said but okay.

[@HalfInsaneJane]

My fave quote about being in love. "I love you not only for who you are but for who I am when I am with you"

[@nedjoseph8300]

👍🏻

[@Klenovyj]

I constantly hear this being called red flag, but i feel like this is true. We should be with those who make us naturally act like a good calm productive loving person, not an anxious long face that fakes looks and character

[@stu7399]

That's a good one. My "other half" and I used to bring out the best in each other, for each other. "Home" wasn't a place for us, it was being together.

[@elpeluca7780]

But that implies that you're a fake. I'm the same person all the time, I don't change for ppl lmao

[@williamkooncemusic]

Absolutely. Especially because around someone who really loves you you can be yourself, so you learn to love yourself more within a healthy relationship.

[@sharkyshark1104]

As someone who finds herself getting sucked into the unrealistic world of tiktok, this video was a refresher for my brain. I'm glad I came across it and can look back on this when I find myself unintentionally setting unrealistic expectation on my boyfriend just cause tiktok says "if he wanted to he would".

[@melissawong7751]

Just delete tiktok at this point lol

[@davitucsonn2243]

golden advice@@melissawong7751

[@hyukleberry5567]

I think there's a bit of merit to what people say as it teaches you to ALSO care about your own needs and wants in a relationship (esp when women were historically taught to just settle for shitty treatment), but you can't just take it and run with it, or else it becomes a matter of chasing something unreal and dehumanising your partner

[@Skybrazen]

Delete your tiktok girl...

[@Musa_hi]

M glad u still were able to get back to this healthy mindset, hope u r doing gud 🤍

[@autumnmarilyn5216]

“If he wanted to, he would” is so messed up. Tell your partner what you want. Don’t assume that they already know. Your partner will be receptive to your words and wants and thoughts. If you’re with the right person, they won’t make you feel guilty for telling them what you want. My fiancé is wonderful. We’ve been together for 2 years as of tomorrow. At the beginning, I figured he would know how to make me feel loved. He did, a little, but our relationship grew so much stronger after I *told him what I wanted from him*. He felt able to do the same with me, and we’re both happier for it. He’s my best friend in the world, I’m in bed next to him right now, and all of this is possible only because we communicated.

[@leonamvinoy3008]

Happy 2 year anniversary 🥳

[@appl3s0ft]

A good chunk of my friends all have stable relationships. And just like yours, they all share a common thread: communication. I haven’t had a relationship in my lifetime but I know enough to know that communication is what makes it work. Every story I read of happy relationship is all built on communication. So yes, let your intentions be known. Tell them what you want. Hear out what they want. Understand each other. Congrats on two years together :) here’s to forever!

[@Nightmare-wo2gd]

Exactly, communication is important, a lot of people drop little hints, but not everybody is gonna be able to pick up on all these little things, just tell your partner "hey, I think we should do XYZ more" it makes it a lot better on both partners

[@427skies]

I still agree with "If he wanted to, he would". The phrase is not necessarily about reading your mind. But if you say you want something and it is realistic for your situation, then "If he wanted to, he would". You shouldn't have to beg for what you want and need in a relationship. I had to BEG my ex for us to go out. Never took me out. My current boyfriend, I say "We should go on a date". He's like "Okay, when". Or "We should go to the Museum". Or "Let's visit XYZ". There is no begging...because he wants to, so he does.

[@Nightmare-wo2gd]

@@427skies while yes, you describe it well, the phrase still doesnt work, you have to communicate, what if he wants to take you out but is too shy to ask you? Or wants to know if youre busy but doesnt know how to ask without sounding needy? This phrase doesnt apply to every single guy, because there could be a number of reasons as to why he isnt, not to mention you dont hear "if she wanted to, she would" sometimes it goes the other way around where the women refuse to treat their men to anything, because they wait for him to make the approach, which puts pressure on him and leads to the relationships downfall

[@GoldenPandoria]

I think red flags got popularized because everyone is in such a hurry nowadays that they want to "be happy while skipping as many bad/painful steps" as possible and so we want a "ruleset" to follow in order to protect ourselves from said painful steps

[@someguycalledcerberus9805]

I think it's also this idea that whenever things go bad in a relationship, it happened specifically because of something the _other_ person was doing. "My last relationship had trait X and we ended up fighting and breaking up. Clearly trait X is a deal-breaker." This completely ignores the possibility that relationship troubles could be caused by a number of interacting factors. It's also that people just don't want to invest into each other. No-one wants a fixer-upper. "It's not MY responsibility to manage YOUR issues!" is such a toxic way of looking at relationships. Obviously, there is something to be said for not starting a relationship with someone who is severely mentally ill, but discarding someone because they may have insecurities or some emotional troubles is way too high a bar. EVERYONE has some emotional issues, and helping each other to overcome them is the most beautiful aspect of a relationship.

[@mermaidprincess2509]

It was mainly for obvious safety reasons. Like if someone brings up all their ex's unprovoked and goes on and on about crazy THEY were. Then yeah a red flag.

[@davidsilverfield835]

Agreed

[@jessdoritowhale]

It’s a good and bad thing. Looking out for red flags is important so that you know what is good and bad for you before the relationship or even within a relationship. I’ve known so many friends relapse into depression and SH because of how fucked up their “lovers” have treated them and this is because they simply didn’t know the red flags bc they were slight, they were slow, and a creeping toxin you don’t realize you are in until it’s too late. It’s never a bad thing to be informed, it’s never a bad thing to point out bad traits of a person, such as being judgmental to other people and yourself, being very boundary breaking, etc etc. What I DONT agree with with “red flag culture”, are the people who consider a person named “Kyle” a red flag, or someone who wants to take pride in weight lifting as red flag, or a someone who wears a shit ton a makeup as a “red flag”. It’s when people judge people based on innocent interests and thing they can’t control when things get too ridiculous. If you tone down red flags to silly minuet things, then the REAL red flags start to fade to pink, and we are back to square one to red flags being this invisible toxin we don’t realize we are in until it is too late.

[@bendingbananas6540]

Me basically 🤭

[@heavenleigh9287]

“It only makes you confident because you feel more desirable” made me cry

[@SamuelSamuelSamuel1]

this girl has hands 😭💀

[@edepoops4484]

I honestly disagreed with that because most of the time when you do things that make you feel confident it makes you feel confident because YOU like it. Sure it could because you want to conform to societies standards so badly that it blinds you own opinions on how you can look but for a lot of people feeling confident stems from projecting how they feel on the inside to the outside and not caring about what others think. That is true confidence because if you have the confidence that is only there because you feel more desirable it’s not really what confidence is because a little part of you won’t like how you look just like what others think of you. But also idk this is just what I thought and wanted to share in case anyone found this interesting. And btw I am using you as in you in general not you personally because I don’t even know you lol. Also pls don’t judge my name I made this account when i was like 9 and don’t know how to change it

[@illestvillain1971]

@Luver 88 k

[@heavenleigh9287]

@Luver 88 coming from my experience I agree with it

[@vNill]

l found it quite peculiar that girls tend to focus on upgrading the outside to feel better instead of learning and growing internally, that girl changed every possible thing on her body yet she's still the same person as she started, ok

[@diegobaker1523]

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it isn’t not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

[@LEGOALEX97]

So now faith love and hope abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

[@A_t92]

Amen 🙏🏽❤️‍🔥

[@goldensloth7]

not true at all....

[@samplays2987]

@@goldensloth7Corinthians 13:8 Love never fails. If it fails, it was never love. If it's real, love will find a way back to you.

[@ya-si127]

Corinthians 13:8 🥹

[@undonesolid]

Finally, someone telling me what is love instead of responding with,”Baby don’t hurt me.”

[@bluetie1058]

NO MORE

[@undonesolid]

@@bluetie1058 I hope both sides of your pillow are warm tonight

[@prostokeereell1286]

now i'm forced to listen it again

[@BallFondler1203]

Hauwauwauwaaauuu...

[@furqanahmad8882]

THIS IS GOLD

[@nonestryo]

"you can't be a good piano player by only playing when you feel like it" felt like a slap on my face

[@masatovena5626]

I felt that one too

[@Anon-fg3zw]

I honestly don't agree with that one, forcing yourself to play will only burn you out. And when i don't even enjoy playing piano anymore, why bother getting good? Gonna edit this cause there's some more things i wanna add: -If you play when you feel like it, you're gonna perceive playing piano as a fun activity, and in turn, you will practice more often -Obviously you're not gonna improve if you barely practice, so you gotta make practice interesting for yourself. I like to learn by playing songs that i enjoy listening, and while classical music is wonderful, i have the most fun playing Van Halen or The Doors :)

[@676marvin]

@@Anon-fg3zw but you will not be a good piano player

[@Anon-fg3zw]

@@676marvin I think it depends on how motivated or disciplined you are If you manage to force yourself to practice everyday, hats off to you but i think the vast majority of people won't manage to do that And if you're really motivated, you can practice pretty much everyday since it's fun to you In 4 months of voluntary and independent guitar practice, I improved way more than in 4 years of guitar lessons The reason: While playing classical pieces my teacher told me to play, i could get myself to practice once a week or something While trying to play Metallica songs, I practiced everyday. Tricky stuff didnt bother me, because it's incredibly rewarding to finally be able to play those tricky parts I guess it depends on the type of person you are

[@ericxu1242]

@@Anon-fg3zw there's a lot of lazy people out there who don't necessarily hate playing piano so whatever you're saying doesn't work

[@TheXrythmicXtongue]

The most important lesson I've ever learned about this subject, put most simply: LOVE AND ROMANCE ARE NOT SYNONYMOUS.

[@zarinapena5846]

Thisss. My parents aren't romantic people that much, but they say they love eachother till the end of their days. The most romantic thing any of my parents has done to the other was gifting a rose and a book for St George's day (my mom bought my dad the rose while my dad bought her the book, changing the usual tradition of the men gifting flowers and the women gifting the books just bc they felt like they wanted to) and a plushie for their first anniversary (my dad gifted her dog plushie after they were talking about having a dog together). They say the show their love to the other in more mundane things; such as hugging the other while watching movies in the sofa, talking while lying in bed before sleeping, "insulting" the other as a game or serving the other a meal they like.

[@MrsManette]

@@zarinapena5846 are u from Catalonia? 😋

[@zarinapena5846]

@@MrsManette No, but I grew up and I live in Castellón. Catalunya is so beatiful! És una zona meravellosa i molt bonica!

[@TheTGOAC]

Ok and?

[@MrsManette]

@@zarinapena5846 agree 😊😊

[@Thestarsage]

I feel like i need to watch this every morning for at least 6 months straight

[@sarakotevska5089]

Same lol

[@saaaraaaaaaaaaa]

gurl same i was crying so bad then i found this video. this helps me to stop crying and get a hopes

[@Perrier05]

so true

[@srishtikumari1022]

I’m part of gen z and this is the FIRST TIME someone has ever mentioned how wrong these things sound and explained it so well!

[@protowalker]

@@a3s1rr88 every human being is capable of the same level of complex thought. Many of them likely have reasons they treat love the way they do and they likely have reasons they haven't questioned it the way you or I have. There was some point in your life where you accepted these things without questioning them, and there are many things that you currently accept without question that you may one day look back on in awe of what you thought. I think it's important to have empathy for the people around you. Because the truth is that you aren't special, but that isn't a bad thing. It's a gift; it means everyone you'll ever meet has the capacity to change and grow.

[@sofiazz]

@@a3s1rr88 yeahhh, sometimes it’s actually disturbing seeing the distorted views and realities of everyone around my age.

[@srishtikumari1022]

@@lsh7098 I really agree with you honestly. TikTok is doing nothing but provoking teenagers to collectively ruin themselves and take others with them

[@projectx7453]

@@a3s1rr88 Same and I feel like I’m the only zoomer who’s really mature, chill, happy, and a good person on this planet. I just hope I’m not the only zoomer on this planet that is like this though

[@ellypecher1616]

I worry for generation z and I’m apart of it.

[@olofman300]

This quote from Game of Thrones really sums it up well: ""Love didn't just happen to us. We built it slowly over the years, stony by stone. It’s not as exciting as secret passion in the woods, but it is stronger. It lasts longer. " - Catelyn Stark

[@niranjanrajesh1058]

And catelyns love is the perfect example of actual love. She married the less handsome stark brother,a dude who looked generic, a dude who was boring,normal,not at all like his hot,charming brother. Yet they forged probably the strongest relationship in the entire series because of how they treated each other as a couple.

[@dingusrevolver]

@@niranjanrajesh1058 True, but that's partially luck. They both happened to be extremely dutiful people who cared more for others and their ideals than themselves. It's like, instead of trying to fit two complicated puzzle pieces together...you're just connecting two squares.

[@niranjanrajesh1058]

@@dingusrevolver idts. Catelyn was into the charming type. She was initially disappointed when she saw ned,but she came to love him for his heart,his demeanour

[@katm8128]

That’s the same quote I always think of as well

[@faeriequeenie1714]

@@niranjanrajesh1058 and probably the only healthy relationship in the entire show

[@smellsgross]

“people focus on making themselves as lovable as possible rather than loving” really resonates with me

[@francescobarale2694]

Because this Is the Truth

[@justanotherblackwhitemicke7817]

Nah man, seriously trying to be nice with others will always hurt when we have expectatives, I just wish more people notice when someone is trying and at the very least, reciprocate

[@jeremybrown1437]

Same, but I like the active love mind set. I'd like to change and I'm going to.

[@nothingnewunderthesun4292]

ex-gf wrote down for 2 years before even talking to me when & where I got off / on the same bus-line as her, in order to catch the same bus to see / observe me many times, sometimes even running to catch an earlier one or waiting for the next one (they only drive all hours, sometimes all 30min). She also saw me at random places with random ppl in the city & remembered everything, even gave me a nickname before we knew each other she used to talk about me to friends and family. She would stand vis-a-vis on the opposite side of the train-tracks of me while I was waiting for my train. The very first time she saw me she filmed me on her phone & sent it to her best friend to show her "how hot I was". She apparently fantasized about me & imagined how I screwed her while m***urbating. After the 2 years of doing this & observing me, she pretended to confuse me due to masks to talk to me & 2 months later talked to me again on another occasion, so I invited her on a date and we got together very quickly. She broke up with me after 3 months of telling me exery day that she loved me and everything about me with the words "I can't imagine us spending time together without having sex", "I lost my feelings for you idk why" and "Just look at our relationship as if it was an expired phone contract", not to forget "Even if I knew what the problem was / why I lost my feelings for you, I'd still not want to continue the relationship, because I just don't feel like it anymore", "Most of the relationship was good, at least I'm not afraid of sex anymore" at last: "I break contact very quickly, you don't even have to do much ot anything (meaning me I'd guess), a friend of mine once said sth wrong so I broke contact with her"

[@paweld]

Honestly, I think people mostly focus on getting themselves a good love, rather than putting in an effort to change. Not that I am one to judge. Change is hard.

[@ayishaparveen4098]

Man, this video really called me a delusional person, because I am very much influenced by social media's take on love. I needed this so much. SO DAMN MUCH. Thanks for the reality check!

[@billybob7135]

When I started studying pickup, I saw how distorted society's view of love is. Silence is golden. Having disagreements and talking about them is normal. Attraction is made out of understanding. Ironically, it's society's misconception of how love works that makes people awkward. We think that nodding along and not being a downer works, when it makes you awkward. We want to make a grand gesture when small interactions are what create happiness. We want to shower the other person with praise to be "empathetic" when a single, genuine compliment that starts a conversation is better.

[@AmitKumar-kn6pn]

Don't believe in everything said on internet. It's just her view, her take on this.

[@yakiepalma8448]

@@AmitKumar-kn6pn her view is the rational way of thinking. If you should not believe anything that is on the internet, then what is the point of getting information from the content you watch? As humans, we want to learn and we learn through other people. Even if it is her take, others can agree with it and take it as advice. That is how humans work.

[@sharpl19]

I hate tiktok for popularizing “self-love” as being ignorant and not properly communicating with your partner. People really do think they are professional psychologists after watching a 15 second video from a stranger.

[@lukesf.t4003]

natural selection at this point

[@goerges388]

right, you need a 25min video from a stranger

[@Ssyphoned]

@@goerges388 lmfao gottem

[@support16s45]

@@goerges388 yes. because 25 minutes is much more formal and informational than a 15 second clip. so what was your point again?

[@zacharydoherty2538]

I’m not going anywhere

[@_Opalescence]

That bit about random strangers on TikTok making you question your healthy relationship is too fucking real. I've met an unfortunate number of people who were in a strong relationship with a person who sincerely cared about them and they torpedoed their own ship by becoming paranoid and accusatory because some smoothbrain trilobite on TikTok convinced them that completely normal and healthy human behavior is a sign of something sinister.

[@blackbullet4254]

I just wish someone out there would erase that disgusting platform from the internet forever

[@kahoku451]

omg FR - my good friend was broken up with bc his girlfriend’s view on him changed in light of the tiktoks she was watching :/

[@okarihS]

does your partner prefer not being around you all 24 hours of every day? they must be hiding something

[@fedyx1544]

@@blackbullet4254 lmao how is that any different than men getting radicalised by incel and mgtow communities, which happens mainly on KZbin, 4chan, Reddit? If you think it's tiktoks fault then you haven't understood anything about the video.

[@stickychocolate8155]

@@fedyx1544 it isn't really any different. It's just the new, more sinister development in the downward spiral of social media. I'm a bit older and I remember a time where I nearly let imgur and reddit communities dictate my relationships. These platforms are a powerful force. I had to reflect on why the standards on display on those sites carried so much weight with me. I used to have somewhat low emotional intelligence. If I was less mature when I had to confront these feelings I probably would have succumbed to their influence. I don't think majority of young people are equipped to analyze this media in a healthy way. And tiktok is built to be even more insidious than previous sites. It's a constant barrage of ideas and images, fed to you by an algorithm that deeply understands how to keep you scrolling. I fear for these poor kids.

[@5ld734]

omg this is exactly it. In my experience people don't believe in love anymore, many people cheat because they assume their partner is cheating anyway. It's really pathetic.

[@autumxxleaves4186]

Too true. X

[@timurtheking]

People also forget talking is a thing. They assume, think of scenarios but never discuss the issue instead letting it fester

[@adifferentangle7064]

@Vicky Its just a sign of sociopathy. If your partner is cheating you missed a lot of red flags.

[@Cherryripe25]

Anymore compared to when?

[@breadshapiro1315]

@Vicky oh yah gold digging is getting more common between men and women.

[@barbisgalery]

"We often mistake love for fireworks, for drama and dysfunction. But real love is very quiet, very still. Love is deep and calm and constant" -The Silent Patient

[@elieteboul4001]

The Silent patient ??

[@mxkvlio]

oh

[@rabiyashakeel1083]

That book was ass.

[@barbisgalery]

@@elieteboul4001 It's a book

[@barbisgalery]

@@rabiyashakeel1083 I liked it, it's not the best book of the world but it's entertainig

[@PatrickBateman2008]

My parents have never really celebrated Valentine’s Day, they say to me that “it’s the same as any day, we still love each other as much as we did yesterday”

[@moongirl_lunalav]

very inspiring Mao

[@mi0v060]

lmao your name and pfp-

[@IFP.249]

as always, Mao is right

[@vladtheimpaler6393]

Thank you mao

[@theunkownape445]

Quotations from Chairman Mao Tse-tung

[@samanthahopkins6273]

Another thought I had: a lot of people posting about love these days are EXTREMELY young, like 15, 16, etc who are in relationships. Unfortunately, immature love is often a commodity. For example: you learn about the concept of a "crush" in elementary school, and then pick the "best" member of the opposite sex in your class to develop artificial feelings for and even "date." It's about getting that person to like you back, not necessarily sharing a deep emotional intimacy - it is a material conquest. It is a part of growing up, but with the development of social media, young people are displaying this type of affection as real. Young teens describe dramatic love triangles to their impressionable audience which normalizes this one-dimensional perception of what it is to love someone.

[@alexeigimenez]

Pfffft, exactly, a material conquest. Your comment is so on point. 👉

[@yourstruly4145]

This is so true. I’m a freshman in high school and I notice that everyone around me seems to have a significant other. They post about each other constantly. I was talking to my mother about it, and she said when she was my age, everyone had s/o’s but it was never as serious as it is today. They’d go out and break it off after a week and move on. Today, it seems as if teenagers want to grow up faster, and one of the ways they achieve this is by dating. I notice that a lot of my peers post about how they “love” their boyfriend/girlfriend, and act as if they’ll be together forever. They have this fantasy that they’ll marry each other, but it’s such an unrealistic ideal. It usually ends up with them breaking up in a couple of weeks. I’ve always thought of those people as extremely immature, but I’ve come to the conclusion that they are just young and stupid. I’ve never dated anyone. I could’ve had a girlfriend; in fact she thought that we were dating, but I had to reject her because I’m young and simply don’t have the time to commit to something that my other partner will want me to commit to. It’s funny to me that everyone my age automatically jumps to the first person that shows them any affection and they end up dating, even though there is no chemistry. It’s been pushed from society for a while.

[@ohmydawggg]

you made a great point here! it’s so frustrating to see people my age treat love like it’s a toy and not something to act with and grow in😭

[@martu.troiti]

@@yourstruly4145 i totally understand what you are saying, i feel the same way and i´m not even from USA (i´m from latin america, argentina, and i feel that everyone wants to be in their twenties)

[@yourstruly4145]

@@martu.troiti I believe it's universal. I've had friends from other countries and it's still the same. Social media has contributed to this tremendously. I've also noticed people's appearances change as well. For instance, fashion has went from Justice clothing and cheap lipgloss with blue eyeshadow to revealing dresses and crop tops with full faces of makeup. I fully believe in expressing yourself how you want, but just look at the change from early 2000s compared to now.

[@bethstie]

"love is to nurture the flourishing of someone else." THAT ONE GOT ME. WWOOOOOWWW SO GOOD

[@tradutorajuliana]

it' s perfect

[@paids3764]

That made me realize some things. Very nice

[@clearcontentment3695]

So be a hard working and considerate person, and you’ll be fine ;)

[@theonehaly]

mm yes. I believe that having a partner, being in a relationship... they should be able to compliment the lifestyle you already have, improving it, and vice versa. They aren't your "missing part", they don't complete you either. You make each other's life better and help each other grow.

[@jelll4063]

yet girls just take the nurturing and sit on their ass looking for other guys.

[@SKGrenkow]

When you said “Giving love is not about giving material objects, it’s about giving you as a person. Sharing your thoughts, your humour, your joy and your sadness. That’s what giving love is.” That whole quote really stuck to me.

[@seraphes]

The biggest takeaway for me here is that getting in a relationship and maintaining one are two completely different set skills.

[@selina9260]

!!!

[@GloriousGrunt]

and then maintaining short term vs long term is a whole different skill set again

[@johnmiller4895]

if thats ur main takeaway you need better comprehension skills lol

[@wcnpil]

@@johnmiller4895 well, op said "biggest takeaway" not "main/only takeaway", perhaps that one in particular stood out for them or something. no need to be so passive aggressive! 😊

[@johnmiller4895]

@@wcnpil This is only a takeaway someone has if theyve never been in a relationship before. The fact that people lack this knowledge is concerning but thats besides the point. Allow me to correct myself. If thats ur *biggest takeaway then you need better comprehension skills.

[@dmonburner8791]

my friend always used to tell me “love is a choice” i never really understood what he meant until I got further into relationships, discovering that once the infatuation withers away THATS when the true love actually starts. Its about the commitment you gave to that person, whether they are perfect or not, we are all humans and deserve love, love is a feeling, but also a choice.

[@kisille]

And much more :)

[@dmonburner8791]

@Nova's Garden exactly, the constant dopamine hits leave and all thats left is the persons true character its up for you to decide if they are worth the commitment

[@dmonburner8791]

@Nova's Garden in my opinion ofc

[@lailiecarrillo]

@Nova's Garden I also think (I don’t know I could be wrong, I just saw it somewhere else) that constant “in love” feeling happens when you first start dating someone is called the honeymoon phase it usually happens (more or less) the first 6 months of dating. after those feelings it’s up to you if you still want commit. Also just because the honeymoon phase ended doesn’t mean that (most of the time) you don’t love them anymore you’re just comfortable with them enough (I can’t find a better word to describe it). Sorry for this bummy explanation lol

[@togneriryan4317]

my mom said the same thing

[@SnowyAtmospher3]

"We Accept the love we think we deserve"

[@hanac5586]

me watching my cat biting my hand: 🥰

[@mariev347]

As vantagens de ser invisível

[@tntxgoodin]

No wonder why I've always been single

[@nebunezz_r]

Me being hateful to myself: ❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@CapybaraLord75]

That just creates egocentric, overly confident people

[@minalol1089]

I realised that hyperrealism had an impact on me when I was about 14/15. I stopped watching romantic related shows and movies and focused more on real life interactions. I am now 19 and my perception of love is just so much more authentic and I feel relived by not letting imagination dictate my mind.

[@sebaschan-uwu]

It is alarmingly often that people forget that movies and social media are not real life

[@airahfuji]

wait until you hit 30

[@OneOmot]

That's good but you will most likely finde someone with unrealistic standards and it will not work out

[@brainworms1683]

There is an expectation of romantic love being this 'electrifying' feeling, when it fact it is as mundane as loving our family or friends. We don't shower each other gifts or give extravagant declarations of love for these people in our lives, what defines a good friendship or familial relationship is communication and effort to build understanding. We are conditioned into believing that being thrilled or constantly smothered by your partner equals fulfilment, when it is actually just being comfortable in each others presence. In fact many relationships around me are formed on these over the top performances of love but lack the foundation of trust and communicating. Something which we think of as 'boring'.

[@luaourus]

As someone with BPD, this is actually very interesting. Because I _do_ experience an electrifying feeling in loving my family and friends. Love, to me, is never mundane. But that actually means that I don’t need extravagance and crazy passion; what fulfills me is trust, companionship, and understanding, because the extravagance and passion is already inherent to me. Having that balance is what makes love worthy.

[@ReptilianTeaDrinker]

@@luaourus I have BPD too, but I avoid all relationships. Seems to exhausting to me. lol

[@luaourus]

@@ReptilianTeaDrinker It can be, but if you learn how to regulate yourself, it can be rather lovely. But the primary relationship we must invest into is with ourselves. ❤️

[@chevychelios4672]

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

[@genevievescopelleti5899]

it definitely depends on what kind of lover you are. sternberg’s triangular theory of love shows that different types of relationship exist. those types of love are based on three different scales: intimacy, passion and commitment. it is not as ‘mundane as loving a family or friend’ to some people. especially the types of relationships that have passion and intimacy. it is electrifying.

[@a_bookish_honeybadger]

A wise person once said "If you want to have a friend, be a friend."

[@aweirdcloud6615]

I love that so much!!

[@Tinsiltim]

This is so so good! sums up the entire “giving” theme of the vid pretty well

[@maquelinemyojo3999]

Yeah and it applies to everything, love it 🫶🏼

[@ethankillion786]

“In relationships, red flags are signs that the person probably can't have a healthy relationship and proceeding down the road together would be emotionally dangerous,” explains Dr. Wendy Walsh, PhD, a clinical psychologist who specializes in relationships.

[@keithcunningham3131]

A lot of people have there own ideas of red flags and some of it is just stupid and paranoia

[@Artechiza]

It just got memefied and subconsequentially vanalized, but it is still a useful tool for people outside of Tiktok to not fall into abusive relationships.

[@danieldootchifer2106]

Those are talking about real red flags. The type of red flags that are not too uncommon are, for example, if your boyfriend/girlfriend wont give you their snapchat password. Thats not a red flag, that is you stepping over boundaries. I dont want my girlfriend to have all my passwords but she also doesnt think im hiding anything. I dont think my girlfriend is hiding anything at all because i trust her. There are many “red flags” in my relationship but not any actual red flags.

[@spaghetti5914]

@@danieldootchifer2106 In fact, someone asking for a pass is the red flag here.

[@danieldootchifer2106]

@@spaghetti5914 completely agree. Well actually in specific situations its different. If you are very open about things and your SO asks for it, thats not a big deal. If they get defensive or gets mad that you wont, thats the red flag. There are plenty of good reason why someone would want your password. 1. If they need to message a specific person but doesnt want them knowing their own snapchat account. 2. If they want to maybe pull a prank in the future. 3. If they want to do an appreciation post on a special but they arent in the same location for whatever reason. But if they get mad/defensive/or try to guilt you, then yes that is an actual red flag :)

[@TheOnyxiaaa]

It feels like 90% of the problems mentioned in this vid start with "when you see this on tik Tok". Lads, try to stay off social media. And when you're on it, be ready to constantly remind and sometimes even convince yourself that what you see is everyone at their absolute best, and EVERYONE has flaws in their relationship.

[@goldensloth7]

tiktok is the WORST

[@starletd6819]

Social media be giving women the same unrealistic expectations that they complained about porn giving to men. Except this time for relationships instead of sex

[@zaytona9988]

As a person who GIVES love and truly feels alive by it, it’s also very important to not accept the bare minimum. As in, a person who just receives and not gives. Regardless of their love language. It’s important to be understanding but not too much to the point where it feels like you’re lying to yourself and the other person isn’t really giving anything. This mindset, the one u mentioned in the video, can be harming if done incorrectly especially to those who are easily manipulated by their lovers.

[@urdadsonic1036]

Yea or just excusing them when they've hurt you you gotta have self respect

[@elviwombat7080]

but where can you draw the line? Do you know that? When is it you giving love and recieving love, and when is it just giving? Do you know that?

[@zaytona9988]

@@elviwombat7080 my ex and I broke up last month and while we were in the relationship i was the one giving and kept making up excuses for him like he’s busy, giving gifts is not his love language, blah blah. However, when we broke up, I started realizing that I was the one romanticizing the relationship and he wasnt even expressing his love in any language. So I think u ask urself, is this person giving anything? In any forms or language? If not and they keep apologizing but not doing any actions, then it’s basically manipulation. But for example if u like gifts and he likes to have quality time with u, then it’s basically that u have different love languages.

[@0quin0]

this, the whole video i was thinking that about how i do it incorrectly and get walked all over, used, and left in relationships no matter how much of myself i gave.

[@zaytona9988]

@@0quin0 i saw something on tiktok that gave me hope. It’s basically saying that u gave this much love to the wrong person, imagine what will happen when u give it to the right person. And unless they give back, they’re not the right person. Dont try to become cold or mean just because of him/her, trust me it’s gonna affect YOU the most not them or anyone.

[@May-yh9rb]

I feel the mindset growing of "your the main character in your own story" is causing people to make themselves an idea of the main character on tv and wait for the love interest to come

[@moonaw9726]

very very true! its highly misinterpreted, i enjoy putting it to use as a fun saying instead, or when affirming! consciously living plus adding a loving tone to your life (romanticizing), i feel is just chefs kiss and the contrast to a toxic tiktok "main character" love mentality.

[@roxanne_]

Frl life is so much more complex than what you put on paper. Characters have arcs that last 3 movies. We can’t even discover who we are at core in that time, it takes time and knowing what to do better.

[@tessarsaurus]

tbh for me, I think it is a pretty good mindset ONLY to an extent. Imagining that youre the main character of your life would make one feel more treasured in a way, as in you wouldn't compare yourself to unrealistic standards and other people because you would think you are the most important person in your life, which is true. But It only goes wrong when people start to wait for their love interest to come as you said.

[@lovegilr911s2]

Yes. That mentality is so self centered if it gets applied to everything. Instagram is so washed-up with reality.

[@brainwashalpha5495]

i agree. as far as i know that "main character syndrome" is either indicative of a lack of maturity or mental illness

[@whatabeautifulduwang9603]

Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. Nothing is worse than getting in a relationship where you can't communicate with your partner. Talking isn't communication. If you're only talking and not listening, then you're not communicating. Hope this makes things more clear. You have to listen and be patient with one another.

[@oceolin8860]

Communication is important, people forget about the fact that your closest friend is your loved one.

[@whatabeautifulduwang9603]

@@oceolin8860 Exactly.

[@squeaks5677]

This is straight true.

[@FHT1883]

my autism: haha alexithymia go brrrrrr

[@FutakuchiMana]

@Billy Batson Then why are you with them? Lol

[@SamAlderDesign]

This understanding of love prepares you to be a better parent as well. Kids cannot give anything material to you initially, but your acceptance of what they do give teaches them to continue giving love for their entire life.

[@stephanieshine2098]

This is very pertinent.

[@starletd6819]

💯💯💯

[@VanKreig]

i feel like the phrase, “true love comes to those that wait” should instead be “true love comes to those that wade.” Those that wade through the sometimes rocky, sometimes unsure times in a relationship, but persevere because there is genuinely something special to your partner that you can see but no one else can.

[@urdadsonic1036]

Or they could just be toxic and a shit person don't stay W people who treat you bad

[@astoldbynickgerr]

I bet you don’t have a single wrinkle on your brain lol

[@deborahsimatupang2719]

A+ for your english. I went full on "WOAAHHH YES GURL" reading this re-interpretation 😂.

[@VanKreig]

@@urdadsonic1036 im talking about when that new feeling of butterflies starts to fade, you start to see the person as another human and not an object of desire. Of course if the person is being abusive you leave them? But you cant expect every relationship between two imperfect humans to be without some friction.

[@thesevenkingswelove9554]

This could go both ways. It could improve to as a person to give love to your partner and not give up. Or potentially make you stay in a harmful relationship where you mental and sometimes physical health is in danger

[@angie4163]

the term 'red flag' is definitely being misused, but i always thought red flags were originally supposed to indicate possible future abuse, not that a person might have traits you can't stand.

[@alanamontero4743]

It is. That was the original meaning. I think part of what has happened is that certain ideas and words and phrases are being taken from their original context and misused. Likewise, with "if he wanted to, he would", which originally referred to not making excuses for partners who are being incredibly selfish and neglectful, aren't contributing to housework, aren't considering the woman's pleasure, etc. AFTER the issues have repeatedly been raised. I think the biggest factor in watering down and changing the meaning has been social media. A similar thing has happened with terms like "gaslighting." It's so unhelpful.

[@cizd]

I only see a small portion of the web because algorithms, but I've mostly seen it for indicators of someone who is emotionally or physically abusive, neglectful, and so on. There are also people who use it kind of jokingly like "My last 3 gamer boyfriends were abusive so if he games he's abusive". I've never seen it be used for anything else.

[@TheHimalaiaNinja]

Its new use is misleading though, it infers that if 9 out of 10 people with perms i've *personally* had contact with were abusive then all of them are. Or that a behavior is always correlated with another. It goes against what these people supposedly believe, for it is prejudice/bias in its purest form. Those same people would be in shock if someone told them "colored hair = crazy" or something else like that.

[@Olixer109]

A red flag is someone losing their temper during a date and showing aggressive behavior, as an example, not "omg he/she chews so loud *reD fLaG* "

[@user-rj2jx8sh9q]

I always thought it was something like little signs that tell you to stay away from a person because if you stay you are in for a ride (not the good kind) like being too possessive, getting angry at small things, trying to guilty trip/gaslighting/whatever you, etc

[@claytonweyl4135]

23:00 Honestly the fact that she immediately took out her phone to post that moment seems to me take the magic and tenderness out of it. It's not their memory anymore, it's our's.

[@11918151119]

Exactly! She wasted those precious first moments of joy, surprise and seeing the emotions in her partner just to make sure others know what happened. It turned an active love moment into a passive one. I kinda feel bad for the guy.

[@cee20.5]

@@11918151119 I do feel bad for him

[@nicolovespanda]

@@11918151119 i understand the want to document things because memories fade out eventually but people who always jump to get their phone out whenever anything interesting happens, bother me

[@aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaao]

more likely the whole thing was just for the gram

[@catpip_]

@@nicolovespanda I think such moments can just be journaled normally through words incase we were to forget

[@jbstardust]

This girl is precious and i hope she finds someone with a similar mindset because they'll be the happiest ever.

[@alick7825]

She mentioned having a boyfriend at one point in this video.

[@ronelel2109]

​@@alick782522:16

[@rw7873]

I think it’s very interesting that you chose Leonardo DiCaprio’s role in this movie (which I don’t know lol) as an example of hyperreal or reality-detached love. Leonardo DiCaprio is almost like the perfect example for this concept as most of his romantic roles show him as the perfect man who will always stick beside his love; when in actuality, he will dump her at 25. I know it’s a tired joke, but, it does relate to the subtopic of not being able to compare the love you do or don’t have to hyperreal examples.

[@nawwafhusein6702]

The movie was The great Gatsby. Nice flick

[@itsy-bitsyspider]

dicaprio’s character in this movie is not a perfect man, rather just delusional. he came from poverty and got infatuated by the idea of loving someone so different from him. he thought rich & sophisticated = deep but the woman he chased was as shallow as they come.

[@rw7873]

@itsy-bitsy spider Thank you for letting me know 😊!

[@that0nerandomperson374]

@@itsy-bitsyspider What?? I read it for a high school English class and oh man did we come to an entirely different conclusion. We read the first few chapters independently and came back to have a big excite upon finding that we all thought the main character gay and infatuated with Gatsby, fascinated and curious with all he does and seeing him in his big house with his grand parties. Our teacher laughed and told us that there was waaayyyyy more to the book but that that was a part of it. Isn’t that funny? Edit: I look it up as I did recall the protagonist never actually having attraction towards women and uhhh, looks like he really was gay. While there’s much more to the book, admittedly the reason I remember only that is as I read it during testing season, heh. Edit 2: I’ll repeat that this was the conclusion we came to after the first few chapters, we’d not gotten into the rest of the entirety of the book ahaha

[@rulerofkripsy9143]

@@that0nerandomperson374 he literary had two relationships with women( short fling with jordan and a coworkers sister) if you every bother to pay attention to the book. Why is it that straight women project gayness on to every male character? never mind that it doesn't help representation. the author was a straight man in the 1920s. tell your tumbler class to learn to read. a man can look up to another man believe it or not.

[@samantha_hazel_]

"What is love besides two souls trying to heal each other?" - Pierce The Veil

[@slaieli]

i’m a month late to your comment but your covers are awesome! i’d like to admit we have the same music taste actually 😅 pierce the veil is a great use of a quote for this video too

[@elpeluca7780]

Souls don't exist

[@iwillstareintoyoursoul9762]

@@elpeluca7780, I'm sorry for your loss

[@arielhare3126]

I love pierce the veil

[@marioncarbonell6047]

I always thought that band sucked ass, but that is a very clever and thought-provoking line.

[@LynetteTyala]

I’m about to be 20 , never even held hands romantically and I feel like I’m already behind and already the idea of love that I have is messed up bc of social media

[@p1geon165]

your journey is only about to begin bro

[@adritachanda]

I'm 22 and same :)

[@istoleyourmilkandcookies]

im 21 and im in the same boat as you. when the time is right, that experience will come

[@banjotiki3910]

I'm just a teenager, but social media has made me believe that relationships are the worst thing ever, so quite the opposite thing she talked about.

[@Pha_Kiew]

As a queer woman who is still closeted, these expectations does slowly kill me overtime because I know I can never have or feel the requited love some people experience unless I become someone else. I’m trying to accept the reality I will die alone as a spinster or mesh myself with a lavender marriage and adopt kids with my future husband.

[@camilla7141]

“love is to nurture the flourishing of someone else and you recognize your own worth through their flourishing” woww these words literally changed my mind

[@alyssapinon9670]

Oh man I am so guilty of throwing around the phrase “man written by a woman” and using that as the basis for which guys I would put on a pedestal and which guys I would ignore. I used to take pride in it thinking I was countering toxic expectations for men. But the more I think about it, the more I realize “man written by a woman” is just the straight woman’s version of a “manic pixie dream girl”. Idk I guess it’s just a nice serotonin boost to think of this ideal partner without having to deal with the realities of dating. I’m starting to realize that I get so wrapped up in hyperrealism that I’m not actually experiencing reality because I’m afraid.

[@hakunamatata2464]

Man written by women that's some bullshit right there

[@tasfiasalsabil2549]

@@hakunamatata2464 you didnt watch the video did you

[@hakunamatata2464]

@@tasfiasalsabil2549 na man i am talking about the phrase in general

[@whitenoise896]

@@hakunamatata2464 how so?

[@jjjiiddppeew1810]

I definitely don’t think a “man written by a woman” is the same as manic pixie dream girl.Cause he is just a guy who rejects toxic masculinity (usually just a little ^_^),not a total misogynist,is romantic and nice and and the most important thing is that he is a COMLEX HUMAN BEING a PERSON and a manic pixie dream girl is literally the product of patriarchy made by very misogynistic men who don’t see women as real people and just…ughhhhh English is not my first language so I can’t really explain how I can do it in my language but you get what I mean.A man written by a woman is not as harmful as the manic pixie dream girl

[@wiltonstinson4792]

love is a 60/40 relationship where each person tries to be the 60%

[@thatperson8741]

my personal interpretation is its 100/100. each person puts their own 100% as much as they can. it may not translate to a 60/40 or 50/50 in the overall rs but its the effort that matters

[@seth4298]

@@thatperson8741 they both have to add up to 100%, so 100%*x+100%*x is 200%*x, only when x=0, 100%*x + 100%*x = 100%*x

[@Iveraxi]

​@@seth4298100+100=100

[@HDH640]

@@thatperson8741thats not what it means 50/50 effort means you both put the same amount of effort, not that both people use 50 percent effort.

[@Linus644]

@@thatperson8741 this 60/40 isnt working, I want 100 of your time youre mine

[@camelusdromedarius3789]

Thank you for this. As a 23 y/o guy whose only ever desired/been in long term relationships and never been into hookups, it's incredibly alienating to be constantly surrounded by men and women concerned about body count and constantly trying to find the one-up to the person they're currently seeing.

[@optimisticenigma283]

Just found this comment, and I'm amazed that someone is in the exact same boat as me. Currently going through a rough patch with my partner, and I guess it's just me worried about being one-upped. Cheers pal, hope you found clarity too.

[@camelusdromedarius3789]

@@optimisticenigma283 Am also going through a very difficult time with my girl rn. If you're wanting to share with a stranger, I'm all ears.

[@SayonDDatta]

@@optimisticenigma283 i think its retroactive jealousy

[@SayonDDatta]

@@camelusdromedarius3789 i dont get one thing. If bodycount matter to a person, then why dont they just ask before getting into a relationship? I'm new to dating. I genuinely want to know.

[@camelusdromedarius3789]

@@SayonDDatta Body count not for the other person, but for themself, that they have a high body count and put that before a committed relationship.

[@PrecioustheMovie1]

INCREDIBLE! You are very very close to the understanding Buddha found. A human conception of love is conditional, or “transactional” and it only happens when a lover meets our preferences. Unconditional or “divine” love is loving regardless of the person being loved. And no matter what. The purest form of love is loving your enemy. Letting go of your preferences reveals this unconditional love and it’s very freeing and transformative.

[@artificiyal]

i know

[@tinakevic5082]

it's not just that our conception of love is messed up. our conception of happiness is messed up. our conception of success is messed up. our conception of fulfillment is messed up. our conception of economic growth is messed up. and so on. the conception of love is just a consequence.

[@joshuanaylor3416]

I though I was the only one who thought this. These days people view simple things like living a life without luxury or an overwhelming abundance of sexual pleasure as something in the past. Sex is great but it doesn’t last. Money doesn’t last and even if it did economic situations( especially hyperinflation) can make its value drop. This literally reminds me of the Brave New World book. When I first read it I thought it was bizarre. But now, my god it’s actually what’s happening nowadays. Women and men are Men are encouraged to fuck anything and anyone that moves while they’re young. Consumerism has plagued our Nation as we spend thousands of dollars buying shit we don’t need. It’s sad tbh.

[@adrianasolari492]

I agree completely. I'm so glad that some people from our generation (Gen Z) think more through introspection and deeper means rather than agreeing with whatever the medias feed us. Unfortunately in multiple societies we've all become commodities and adhering to what we see and hear by following the "norm" and "standards" rather than seeing the meanings behind life's consequences. Life goes beyond what social media tells us. Right ?

[@GespenstDesKommunismus]

Success in the capitalist world is equal to maximising your effort to tasks that you personally hate to earn money for the freetime you don't have until you are too old to use it. All that is seen as desirable for the growth of the economic system that "gifted" you all this and offers the unsuccessful a similar life experience, but with added struggle for survival. I really don't identify with a society that sees this as an ideal.

[@ekeg_]

from an early age we are told that the happiest life we can lead is making lots of money. but as i grow up more i cant help but to question if this is really true

[@hummingbird_saltalamakia]

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

[@souti7436]

I think most of these trends are really just collective trauma responses. People hurt each other, they don't heal, they glow up. Thinking 'If Im better he'll have to treat me better' or 'If I leave as soon as he does something wrong, I can never get hurt again.' Both men and women have this problem.

[@feldthausen]

100% agree. I also think that for a lot of people (more than anyone would care to admit) these trauma-based attachment patterns go all the way back to childhood.

[@sheulikhan4521]

Agreed! My mom and dad both made mistakes and they have been in a healthy marriage since 42 years. They both communicate the issues together each time they make a mistake. Even if one and not the other does something wrong, they collectively sort out the issue and vice versa. These days people think that they as humans are perfect, which is absolutely false. That them doing a small mistake is their cue to leave (mind you small mistake not huge like cheating and stuff). I wish people would get together to know and solve their stuff together.

[@notequalto5179]

As a guy, I've been so used to being expected to provide for the girls I dated. My last girlfriend actually made me cry when she for no reason just made me an omelette with tortillas without me asking her to. Then she just rubbed my back and hugged me. 2 givers are the best kind of relationship.

[@ThomasFoolery8]

She doesn’t do stuff for you because she doesn’t have to. After all of the fluffy idealistic talk, men and women pair bond when there’s a mutual benefit formed. Women can get physical intimacy at any time from any man, so they expect men to put in more to get access to their bodies regularly. Men know this, so they pay for things and plan dates. This isn’t some cultural force imposed on us by some “patriarchy” it’s human economics and supply-and-demand. It’s difficult for you to get laid regularly, that’s why you’re willing to be in a one-sided relationship with another human when you would never agree to something so one-sided with your male friends. You do it because you want sex which is the only thing your gf offers over the love and companionship your male friends offer.

[@ZeroDarknezz]

@Thomas Foolery Clearly you know shit about love, you’re talking about getting laid. A man isn’t like a dad to a woman by paying for stuff. A true woman pays for her stuff cuz she has her own money. Following that logic, you’re saying women are like whores with sugar daddies, which is so fucked up.

[@megamillion5852]

@@ThomasFoolery8 Bro...you are not okay. Replace that sharingan with a byakugan, see inside yourself. Evaluate. Meditate.

[@phenix6056]

@@ThomasFoolery8 what…

[@ThomasFoolery8]

@@megamillion5852 ad hominem. Make a counterpoint or stfu.

[@nobleneckbeard7356]

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

[@Sunflare-vq2uy]

St Paul ?

[@risteves8946]

A lot of the problems people face with relationships is that feeling of “sparks” that fade away when people become comfortable with each other. “Sparks” aren’t going to stay forever, comfort causes monotony, but it doesn’t mean the relationship is dead. I think a lot people struggle with feeling content with the eventual fading of feelings that come from “falling in love” and trying to impress their partner. Of course this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to continue to surprise your partner or make time for them, but no one can expect to be “consumed” by their relationship forever

[@ojaspathare2295]

facts

[@justinhighum2892]

I think this might be influenced by media, at least somewhat. Hollywood writers- and many others- really struggle to write stable relationships, which is why they focus on the will-they-won't-they and then tend to break up or have the couple going through a rough patch during a sequel- they just don't know what else to do with it.

[@risteves8946]

@@justinhighum2892 absolutely. It’s that thing where people are so used to seeing “the chase” in media and it warps their perception of what it means to be with the person. It’s like “I got the girl/guy, now what?”

[@alphacuschadman9991]

Go by the lord and tradition, it's never going away then if you dont want it untill you die the power of the lord bestow you, bless..

[@embertharpe8532]

@@justinhighum2892 holy shit!!!!

[@user-li8sr9zo9l]

As someone with 0 experience in dating or romantic relationships I feel like the entry level for dating is similar to an entry level job. You need experience to enter.

[@cyko5950]

Junior position requirements : 3 years experience in javascript

[@acethefiredragon8525]

I mean as a guy it literally feels like having to give job applications, and dating is just another fancier way of going to an interview. “I would like to apply for the position of ‘boyfriend’.”

[@wrenchguy2937]

Underrated comment

[@AndrejZzzz]

Same. And the dating culture is honestly kinda scary to get into ((especially as a man

[@mllhild]

please list your years of experience in the following skills: arranging dates conversation skills dancing sex do your have the following qualifications: handsome face ripped body tall big dick money

[@marieeiskindadead5865]

I remember my mom telling me once "You can love anyone, its just a matter of whether you and the other person have the capacity to love each other."

[@gen2mediainc.577]

This is really the best single sentence I’ve heard for the topic

[@kokopelli314]

Love is more like gardening than painting

[@takren5669]

Just by the title, this made me click so fast, this is a topic i wanted to hear for a long time. Thanks Olivia, you're my fav:)

[@oliSUNvia]

thank you for being here

[@matcha9512]

Samee!

[@sepikato]

Omg sameee

[@mobina1248]

@@oliSUNvia i love how you speak with FACTS based on your researchs and you put them linked under your videos. After every video i respect and love you more. You absolutely care about finding out and calming down your wandering curiousity rather than just getting views and doing useless (tiktoks) videos. I like your voice. And i'm improving my eng esp listening through your videos.😍💗 Thank You So Much.

[@-Pasta-lover-]

Same

[@azuzz6788]

from a male perspective, it’s terrifying what women are being told because all i want is someone who reciprocates my effort and cares about me for who i am, instead of someone who just only loves me for what i give them

[@anni1348]

I guess it goes both ways, women get love for their Beauty/body (aka as Sexobjects, as long as they fit into the beauty standard) and men get loved for what they can offer (in terms of material stuff). Both sucks and is very superficial.

[@P1slayer]

@Sine Nomine a good father to your children a shoulder to cry on a protector a problem solve a maintenance do a jar opener a heavy object lifter an ear to listen comfort someone to chase away irrational fears. All these things are possible if you’re willing to sit talk be honest and don’t expect him to become emotional.

[@Jam-ti9nd]

@Sine Nomine It's like you didn't watch the video. Why are you approaching love with what does he have to offer me? Why does it sound like you have such contempt for your partners? None of those behaviors take place in a vacuum, did you try to understand where they were coming from? depression from work? anxiety and stress from pressure to perform? could stem from a lot of problems they could be to afraid to come forward with. But yes if you view relationships as a transactional interaction you're probably going to be unsatisfied with your partners, spending your life looking down on the inferior selfish men. Or you can seek to understand whats going on below the surface and seek to be understood yourself. Relationships are hard and messy and take effort and maintenance to maintain. There are no perfect people who are going to behave as you want them to.

[@Jam-ti9nd]

@Sine Nomine Actually just try watching the video from the 19 minute mark.

[@the98themperoroftheholybri33]

@Sine Nomine have you tried communicating with these men? We aren't mind readers, if you're not assertive enough to tell your partner a problem with your relationship thats a *you* problem. If you date jerks you'll get jerks

[@ecaterinavisan8178]

What I did learn after being in a good, long term relationship. 1. Yeah sure gifts are nice and make me happy, but that happiness is short term. 2. When my boyfriend calls me pretty for no special reason, even when I am not all that well dressed/wear makeup I honestly do feel more pretty than when I do put a lot of time into my looks. 3. When he talks about our shared future and I can see sincere happiness and realistic expectation I feel secure. 4. When I am the first person he comes to when he is super exited about something or feels the need to vent I feel important. 5. When we get angry at eachother for whatever reason but instead of yelling we choose to calm down first then talk about it I feel understood. 6. When he says "10 more minutes." over and over again when I say I should head home, I feel wanted. So yeah no joking when they said communication is key. Sure grand gestures, being pampered, expensive gifts etc. These are all nice and can make you feel special like the main character is a movie. But overall they don't build your relationship a solid bond. Since lets be honest anyone could do those things for you as long as they had the money. You could say "Everyone could also do those other things you mentioned." and that is true. And yet why don't they? If anyone could do those things (with out hidden reasons) there would be no toxic/failed relationships.

[@thurtymen459]

Always about how you feel isnt it?

[@miniwheats2933]

@@thurtymen459 Clearly didn't read it right and probably just scanned over it. It's examples of the smaller things in relationships that have bigger impacts and keeps the relationship healthy. I agree on a lot of these points and even do these myself cause it's a wonderful feeling knowing that your partner feels seen, safe, and uplifted in the relationship.

[@giaa_777]

@@thurtymen459 I mean she’s expressing her perspective on how little things matter and not the grandiose acts people highlight when it comes to relationships, you completely missed the point.

[@TheBrendNew]

As a male I could never do the last thing of constantly asking for "10 more minutes", I'm afraid it would make me seem needy and overly reliant, with scaring her off because of it as a result.

[@kongdovad211]

@@TheBrendNew All depends how long you been together and with who, if you been together for a few months, that type of energy is only well received in most cases if she has any self confidence.

[@MrRevillo]

Oh my god. To whoever does your editing: I am Impressed by the background-music: It matches the topic, the intensity the timing and the general flow of your speech very well!

[@AshOrAshes_]

This is mainly one of the reasons why people need to go outside and explore for themselves rather than relying on dull-witted and empty-headed TikTok.

[@marg2820]

You are correct, Shakespeare

[@Sunrah]

people have no community to guide them anymore so they turn to the internet for advice, and who would have thought the internet is toxic.

[@hachi7100]

​@@Sunrah then get off of it. I truly don't understand why people who hate the internet continue to interact with it.

[@hanac5586]

Quick tip everyone, delete TikTok and you have already improved your life quality

[@hanac5586]

@@hachi7100 I think even the toxicity can be addicting, just like some people IRL crave drama. It gives you an adrenaline boost but also makes you feel like crap. Good advise still, lets be kind to ourselves and stop surrounding ourselves with unnecessary negativity.

[@newt7650]

the ‘if he wanted to he would’ mentality is… confusing lmao. i remember seeing something on tumblr where someone made a point along the lines of ‘being cool and distant and waiting for people to be attracted to you won’t get you love, you get love through embarrassing yourself by asking for it’ and it’s never left my head.. like if you like someone you also have to put in the work instead of expecting them to come to you

[@fay396]

'if he wanted to he would’ is more about putting in the emotional labor of a relationship in addition to sharing the household responsibilities, and being pro-active in raising your kids together. so ZERO 'weaponized incompetence'

[@karlissafitzgerald4376]

What you’re saying is making sense and you’re right, that doesn’t make sense. But I think a lot of people that are saying that-at least from what I’ve seen- mean it more for when you’re in a relationship and making sure it’s not one sided and explain what makes that person feel loved and seen. With this you should be sure you’re showing love to your partner as well, but if it’s constantly 80/20 or even 60/40 it gets lonely. So those that sincerely say that I think say it out of a way where they want it to be equal and to feel loved.

[@sunkintree]

@@fay396 You know this can be applied to women as well? Let's see, women are more down to do housework, so what is it that a women is more withholding about? Hmmm...I wonder what women always get criticized for not providing enough of...

[@SCP-469]

Ah, yes. The unspoken fizz.

[@DDDawn23]

In most cases Ive sen hetero women get used, and abused by men. The women in my life have always given, an dhardly ever recieve because they belive love is active and they have to " work" to deserve love, so this whole video kinda justifies that women have to 'work' or be a certain way in order to get any love in life.

[@garysgroundschool4739]

“People focus on making themselves as lovable as possible, but forget about loving”

[@strongestgamer2501]

Socialism

[@veroist_]

@@strongestgamer2501 What does socialism has to do with this?

[@Chemillioneer]

@@veroist_ Socialism

[@ellyhafwen248]

@@strongestgamer2501 do you think socialism is an answer?

[@Sacrengard]

I guess by loving you become lovable?

[@Schizm65]

To me, loving someone else and making them happy is it's own reward. As is having your boundaries and respect your friend's or partner's.

[@twinsen1949]

This woman has managed to put into clear words what I've been feeling for years. I have always been disgusted by Tinder because it felt like a gondola where you go to buy meat... where the meat is people, and your money is your social value. Ironically, being an active lover raises your social value through the roof I'd say.

[@nathelm8693]

Yup, basically a validation and sex carousel. Removes you further from life's genuine purpose.

[@fallasleep9472]

@@nathelm8693 Fr. Most of the time it's an app for hookups.

[@alexxander966]

Since I turned 16, I haven't been single much. I've had decently long relationships, and quite a few short ones. Every time looking for someone better. Last year I kind of had an awakening, and decided I loved being single, and stopped even looking. I started doing what I wanted, not what I thought would make me more appealing to anyone else. Eventually I became close friends with the person I am now dating. We originally both weren't interested in dating so we were our authentic selves around each other. I think that is why our now relationship is so strong. We never tried to impress each other, we never lied or tried to show only our good sides. It was such a unique and strong start to a relationship, compared to my past relationships. Even if this one doesn't work out, it was an incredible learning experience. I will always be my authentic self from now on.

[@withlovefalseortrue9839]

That's a beautiful story :')💙

[@Sofiaode18]

Yes! My current boyfriend started out as friends, then closer friends, then we dated. Yeah it's a friends to lovers scenario but it's exactly the best way to end up with a partner when you're not especially looking for love. Although I am plagued by hyperreal notions of love and I do recognize that my behavior would be toxic at times due to these expectations I still want to do better.

[@axellyann5085]

Thats nice, it's always good when ppl notice that being their authentic self is a way better approach than always do things with others in mind. I'm in the opposite route. Since 17'ish (now 28) i didn't thought to be with anyone because i noticed that i am already happy when i'm alone and doing things to myself. It's more likely to someone find me, because i'm not looking for someone. Solitude is like a drug ngl.

[@georginak5836]

same I think that’s why those who start off as friends with no other romantic intentions have successful relationships later on . I’m rlly glad I can clock myself whenever I feel that I may be changing how I act or what I like to impress someone or get them to like me .

[@georginak5836]

@@rainbowwaves5531 yeh that’s the rlly sad thing is that u aren’t sure the person you like even likes the authentic you so u feel like u must have a certain persona or whatever

[@Jabrils]

Really good video. As a recently single man after 8 years, holy shit people's idea of love these days is so cursed, at least from my experience in the US. 💀

[@mayanotopsleep]

it's cursed as well here in my country, but in a different cultural approach (still affected by romanticization)

[@drts6955]

This is bizarre to me. What kind of psychos do you people have? Lol

[@dabocousin]

Damn that sucks, upload more tho

[@tedd2361]

its the same everywhere in the world

[@KINGjulian32000]

I totally agree! Ever since I've been single again, I've just seen how out of whack the dating world is, and it is discouraging to say the least. Seeing this video and the other people who feel the same way in the comment section however has helped me not feel so crazy and alone with my thoughts on this subject. Glad to be here 👍

[@elizabethwest5949]

My husband and I have been very much in love for 10 years now. We get along so well and he is my best friend. I would say find someone who shares similar morals and values with you, not starting the relationship off for the wrong reasons like superficially or for money or status, but that you respect and admire them as a person and just generally like talking to them. Because what you really want to be able to do is to build and maintain a healthy, steady and strong bond with that person. We learned a lot of communication skills and I studied healthy relationship dynamics and we both did therapy and personal development. We really just try to stay as non toxic as we can with each other and continually check in to make sure that we are still in a healthy place. So yea, I would say find somebody you like, and who is willing to work on themselves and learn the skills that you need to learn to be able to maintain a healthy relationship, because that way you won’t fall out of love as easily in the relationship later in time.

[@nerdyberi]

The valentines Day thing isn't important. During this year's valentine's our bio teacher said that he doesn't celebrate it because he loves and appreciates his wife every day. That was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard.

[@tiana2313]

aweeee

[@soosoolar]

I only take valentine's as an excuse to go on a nice day and give gifts to my bf because a special day like that takes us out of our busy, routine based lives. It's a boost of happiness and just quality time

[@eyesofthecervino3366]

That's so sweet! (Also, I read bio teacher as "biological teacher" and was profoundly confused for a second there :P )

[@lntentiveGaming]

I celebrate the days after Valentine's because that's when all the chocolate and stuff is 50% to 90% off 😂.

[@silverstrike8187]

Yeah, our history teacher to.d us that he doesn’t need to marry his girlfriend because he knows he loves her and doesn’t need some random certificate to actually confirm that

[@chloe8484]

omg the part regarding "if he truly loved you he would remember" makes me so mad :( i tend to have a bad memory and despite how deeply i care about my friends i'll forget stuff about them or memories we have a lot... or sometimes i remember extra specific details about a friend while forgetting others. memory isn't as controllable as people think it is, and a good key to remembering something IS repetition! if they remember once thats amazing, but that shouldn't be a 24/7 expectation. idk maybe im just complaining bc of how much i forget things lol edit: ok i hate to be that guy who goes “woah so many likes on my comment!!!” but i seriously didn’t expect this much attention at ALL.. i just came in here to ramble about something extra specific and now look at me lol. i’m really glad more people can agree and relate and share their own stories though :] you guys are awesome

[@solareclipse_111]

It's alright, your opinion is valid and I agree with you. There are times when I forget general things about my friends online and though it makes me feel guilty, I just know that it's natural to not always remember specific details about people I mean we can't function as high iq machines all the time can we?

[@chloe8484]

@@solareclipse_111 that’s a very good point, im glad you understand :^)

[@solareclipse_111]

@@chloe8484 of course, no problem ^_^

[@seobstreetstar]

no bc same i don’t even remember my friends’ bdays which makes me feel so bad despite how much i love them

[@rhasydgarol]

this is so true! thus, nothing’s wrong with repeating things that you want. It makes them realize more how important it is for you.

[@JH-wg7xe]

11:15 - I really like this quote, "Love is to nurture the flourishing of someone else, and to recognise your own worth through their flourishing."

[@armykayla9971]

Same! It’s so beautiful.

[@beautyintheskies]

That sort of sounds more like filial love than romantic love

[@godlypineapples]

@@beautyintheskies id argue that this quote is the fundamental basis of all love. you feel love to your family when you positively contribute to them and they do the same to you; this can be said for romantic love, and friendship, and love for yourself, love for the community and world around you. love is a fulfilling give-and-take cycle between entities, regardless of what type of love it is.

[@katrandall1802]

I don’t think you should base your worth in your romantic partner, especially in whether or not they’re “flourishing.” Relationships are not one-sided. It’s about giving AND receiving.

[@dosa_2362]

Erich Fromm’s quote ❤️❤️ its is really beautiful

[@nonmagicalwitch]

As an ace person, this is just like watching a nature documentary

[@MeowElPepe]

Could you talk about romanticized friendship groups or overall friendship? I’m really interested on your take on that topic

[@paulinedudouit6097]

Oh yes that’s a good idea ! I would love that too !

[@chuumother]

OMG YESS

[@sqkoi]

^^^^^^^

[@Tyrenexg]

THIIIIS

[@summerstarrynight4540]

I genuinely NEED this video.

[@katerinazack7687]

I’m glad I was never one of those girls who always had a boyfriend (not that I’m putting those girls down) but I think it offered a huge sense of true self love. Now, at only 20 years old I feel so secure in myself and true to my passions that I believe that when the right person comes along it will be just as true as the love I give to myself. For nothing other than giving myself the kindest journey in this world.

[@aperson7210]

I totally agree with you. I've only been in two short term relationships (both in middle school), and always felt sad for myself throughout the years because everyone else was getting in and out of relationships and things just seemed to not work out in my favor in that department. I do think that some things happen for a reason, and looking back now I wouldn't be able to have the type of meaningful relationship that I want if that opportunity presented itself to me when I was younger since I really wanted to live out a perfect fairytale romance. Now I'm 21 and still working on getting rid of those crazy expectations, but I feel like I made alot of progress even though there is still work to be done everyday. Either way i'm happy and content with myself and my current situation.

[@blackie126]

Based

[@KINGjulian32000]

dude, fuck yeah. True self love is underrated, and I am glad that you were able to find it! I grew up as a guy who got attention from girls and I have been single for two years now--the longest I have been single in a long while--and I feel like I have developed more as a whole in these two years than I have in my relationships, and more specifically, I feel like I have become more confident in myself during this time too. I think it is because I have allowed myself to step back and focus on who I am at my core and what I need to do to make myself the best version of myself, and not in relation to another person or their expectations of me as a lover. I guess my point is that your comment makes me feel hopeful for staying single for a while longer (which is what I want to do), because I want to continue down this path of discovering who the best version of myself really is, and I believe that this is the way for me to do it right now.

[@katerinazack7687]

@@KINGjulian32000 this is was a wonderful read thank you for sharing. I couldn’t have said that better myself. So glad you’re finding who you are in this world, without retaliation!❤️

[@iamawhitecat7906]

God it's like you have read my mind. I have OCD and it makes me have intrusive thoughts about how I will never find someone who loves me, even though I really don't care that much about that. Reading this is sooo comforting. I really needed this. We're even the same age. Thank you.

[@dakotajones7655]

I would like to point something out; the love in movies is definitely hyperreal, don’t get me wrong. But in BOOKS, lemme tell you, the way love is portrayed in nearly all books differs much from reality. Don’t ever compare your relationship to any books, movies, or other people.

[@mergesviz]

Yes! Growing up I read so much YA, and while I always knew that it’s fiction and unrealistic, there are still certain ideas of love that deep into your brain just because certain messages are so prevalent. Hell, just recently at 17 I’ve finally gotten so disillusioned to the idea of a high school relationship that it gave me whiplash.

[@llamathedrama1454]

Especially if the book is 50 shades od grey lmao

[@leonamvinoy3008]

Omg sameeeee. I read so many of these YA wattpad books and I have stopped a lot of them mid way because of how god damn unrealistic it was. I could relate to absolutely none of what was happening and it gets so depressing that I just abandon the book as it is

[@leonamvinoy3008]

Oh and I just recently turned 17 too so hifi to that

[@darkacadpresenceinblood]

@@leonamvinoy3008 wattpad is... an interesting place to say the least

[@spicewiener7767]

You’re a very articulate person and I really appreciate how you don’t over complicate what you’re trying to communicate.

[@riverrooks7416]

"love is to nurture the flourishing of someone else and you recognize your own worth through their flourishing." This is such a beautiful thought

[@camille_pj]

isn't that being dependent on their 'flourishing'? when they don't or when it feels like you didn't really have an impact on them, you'd feel really devastated about your own worth. That quote is only a good thing on the positive side, no?

[@elpeluca7780]

That's just idealising relationships, just like the video kinda criticises. I don't like the notion of working or nurturing or putting in effort into a relationship. If it's not effortless, it's not a good relationship

[@danielcasas2019]

@@elpeluca7780but relationships aren’t meant to be effortless. When things get hard, and they will inevitably like any relationship, it’s your job to work on the relationship if you love someone especially as both partners grow and change through out the relationship. It’s definitely a choice and something that over time is going to have to be worked on even with how easy or peaceful it may feel.

[@burberryswitchblade2242]

Finally, I’ve heard what I always felt about dating apps, put into words! Its basically turning human beings and love into a commodity - I decide I want some love, I sift through a catalogue of people, I choose the ones that tick as many boxes as possible, and I try to see if I ticked theirs. The choice of product comes first, the human interaction second. I know people who have happy relationships from it, but it just never seemed as organic as I would like it to be. Its like choosing a chair from an ikea catalogue.

[@lesten2707]

This :(

[@kosaiie9630]

Amen 😭

[@piriyaj1347]

Strangely though, I’ve just read from Helena Fisher that couples who met through apps have lower divorce rates. Maybe (my own dumb guess) because in order to become a real couple, they don’t only tick all the boxes first but upon meeting go along well in real life as well, while people who meet on the streets may only be good in person but don’t necessarily tick the boxes (education/religion/financial situation/hobby/political opinion). In a way, if both parties are truthful (not trying to tick the other’s boxes deceptively), dating apps can be a great help.

[@erboch7124]

As a guy who went from ugly to mediocre, I didn't get that much action on dating apps until I turned 21. I found my gf on there and we have a great relationship but she was super insecure about her looks in the beginning bc she expected that a guy like me was actually doing great on dating apps, when it was the opposite. She was surprised when I didn't really have a "looks" box to be ticked, because that's not really what I go for, but I ticked hers.

[@brainworms1683]

@@piriyaj1347 the toughest part personally is to even START a relationship in these apps, mostly people just meet the other person because of these boxes being ticked, but find them unfulfilling. And tbf these have become hookup apps for many.

[@teravega]

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." - some wise guy After going to therapy, there was one valuable lesson I learned about love. Learning how to love yourself is how you love others. For me, it was about forgiveness and releasing the burdens I carry as a human being. To be ready to admit every wrong doing from yourself is an act of grace. You will recognize it for what it is. You are allowing love to come in to your life that transcends you as a person. You will have a hunger to spread it even if many don't show any appreciation. The feeling you get is too great to keep to yourself.

[@soyabeanie8263]

It’s from the bible! :D

[@mcmbslipknotmcr]

@@soyabeanie8263 St. Paul the Apostle of Jesus to be exact lol

[@pixiecherries8024]

that man is Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior who loves you so much!❤

[@pixiecherries8024]

that man is Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior who loves you so much!❤

[@dianeaishamonday9125]

That wise guy would be the apostle Paul from the Bible lol

[@meet.jonathan]

I never really knew what love was, at 13 I was in an abusive relationship and got r worded, and it was all "love", i had thought, but I never learned what it was, I mean, I was only 13 and I still have so much to learn. Thank you so much for this video

[@dinosaur___7209]

I’m so sorry you went through that. I hope you can heal and find healthy, real love.

[@noahvanderwieken2611]

You got retarded?

[@strudelh]

Fanfiction specifically has a play in my concept of love, I literally feed off of it. Sometimes I forget the stuff in fanfics don't happen, or at least to a certain extent, it's just not realistic. 😭

[@samanthahopkins6273]

I think someone needs to do a video on how fanfic (which mostly caters towards women) warps not only the perception we have of love, but of male partners in general. One major theme is our expectation of some great sacrifice to prove how much they are devoted to us. It is honestly a bit ridiculous and I don't think a lot of people (myself included) realize how damaging these ideas can turn out to be later in life when we expect such things from real people who show us love in normal healthy ways.

[@AliaslsailA]

I've been there, as a teenager it definitely took me some time to let go of this idealised idea I've had of love through movies and all that. I can only tell you this: don't regard reality as less than. Let go of these expectations and give reality a chance to show you how it can be far more beautiful than anything you've read. I found that letting things happen naturally to me, not wanting people to be a certain type of way and not trying to be a manic pixie dream girl myself funnily enough brought so much magic into my life. My boyfriend and I had an intense love at first sight experience and have loved each other without fault for 8 years now. Magical things DO happen they might just look different from what you expected them to look like. Love is also an active choice. Maybe not 'falling' in love but for staying in love you have to choose each other over and over again.

[@chekhovs_gundam]

i'm ace and a psychologist, and i somehow developed this fascination with how different kinds of relationships work. fanfics are great because they are really a sandbox for observing all these different flavours of romance without having to put yourself out there. and sure, we all might love a good, straightforward slowburn coffee shop au, but don't you just adore when characters sort of have their own concepts of love that stand out from the norm?

[@luiysia]

@@samanthahopkins6273 that video is called, madame bovary by gustave flaubert 😅

[@manuelsilva6244]

Fanfics are literally the female gaze. It's hyper expectations women have on men.

[@oakdrake7831]

This video should be watched by EVERYONE. Love is one of the most important things in everybodies' lives and yet it is treated like a checkmark, you either have it or you don't. Very few people focus on learning about it and even less about actually putting effort in it as a form of art like you rightfully called it. AWESOME VIDEO

[@rosesapling72]

The comment below, and other Telegram bots in the comments section are NOT the real olivia, please be warned!!

[@TheOceanBearer]

@Weyland Punani do you have anything better to do than to bait people with half assed, tried and tired rebuttles? I took your bait just to make a point. Congratulations. Have a dopamine hit. Feel superior at all costs. Nothing is true if you don't think it first.

[@muhammadhuzaifahmohamedsal2697]

love is fake and non-existant. its made up bullshit. every human being ''loves'' the other because they can use them for something.

[@jinx7018]

That girl in the Tik Tok saying “hide what your doing from them and test them to see if they really love you, but like not in a manipulative way” gave me literal chills. That’s fucking horrifying. You literally just described how to manipulate someone and then said “but like not in a manipulative way” let’s just pretend I’m straight here for a second, if I as a guy we’re to wake up and have my girlfriend say absolutely nothing to me about Valentine’s Day, make no mention of any gifts or plans and treats it like any other day, I’d hide my gifts under a blanket in the closet and pretend I’d never even considered the day important out of pure embarrassment. Imagine going all in on a day where my partner barely marks it on the calendar. I’d be embarrassed first, then worry that if I gave them my gifts they’d feel bad for not getting me anything or feel obligated to do something for me in return which ruins the whole point of the day in the first place. The kind of mental insecurity that those actions could send someone on would be nothing short of emotional manipulation but yeah uh huh let’s do it anyway and then just say it isn’t manipulative.

[@mindingmybusiness3915]

I remember this girl did the phone prank. She changed the phone case and wallpaper it was his phone I think and pretended it was random girl phone. She spilled water to woke him up. I felt that one really manipulative. I would show you the video but idk what it is called

[@thatoneguy9339]

@@mindingmybusiness3915 dame...that's horrible

[@juniperstardust5549]

It's called gaslighting, she's manipulative while making you believe she's not being manipulative, very sneaky

[@kateginger]

She's very toxic, but talks to women as if she cares about you and SHOWS you how awful your boyfriend is to you. I'm impressed she didn't say "you're welcome" at the end of the clip. She's that toxic friend that tries to find problems in your relationship, while her own relationship is also suffering because of her being manipulative and disrespectful. I think many women get easily influenced by these people in their life, but I always ask myself, is her relationship a happy, healthy one? Would I want a relationship like that? If not, then I shouldn't take advice from her. But this girl is on the internet, so it's easy to assume that her love life is perfect, so reminding ourselves that she's not a psychologist and her love life might not be as good as she says, is important. But her particular advice would 90% lead to an argument with your partner, and she obviously thinks that communication is somehow overrated or bad. That can't be healthy.

[@katieblox7023]

@@mindingmybusiness3915 I’ve seen the video you’re talking about. She pours water on him, he wakes up, she yells at him and questions why he has a “girl’s” phone (it’s his phone, but with a different phone case, Lock Screen, and etc). The guy is really confused. He keeps saying “I don’t know.” And the comments of the tiktok are backing him up (on his side).

[@anjaligeorge5439]

I realized this while actually falling in love, before my conception was based off of social media and movies,but whatever u said I realized only now. Love doesn’t mean seeing ones flaws and ignoring them seeing them as non-existent, instead it’s seeing those flaws nd helping them to improve and make themselves a better person, that means us too, we become better ppl when we love someone it teaches us patience and empathy and understanding people’s situations without judgment,and still continue to love them by seeing and knowing those flaws and insecurities.

[@gabrielversianimafra4152]

The best part about this video (to me) was the moment when you talked about how your boyfriend, having grown up in a less-celebratory household, wasn't accustomed to receiving and/or giving gifts. You proceeded to question as to whether it was fair to judge his love based on what he gives you, given his background. That one hit deep, and I can relate to it a lot. Great reflection!

[@thatitalianlameguy2235]

Which would also make his bar lower (although men's bar tends to be generally lower than women due to their upbringing). It's something many people don't consider

[@Elena-gj6ow]

@@thatitalianlameguy2235 Not necesarilly? Are gifts all that decide wether the bar is high or low? I don't do gifts, not grown up with them, not accustomed to them and not really a fan of them either. I wouldn't say my bar isn't low, though. It's just decided by other things than gifts. And besides, what constitutes wether a bar is high or low? It's not a linear scale. It can be low in some aspects and high in others. "The bar" is really just what your needs and wants are, and you can't really quantify that. Attempts to do so just plays into the commodification of love.

[@okay4321]

​@@thatitalianlameguy2235that doesnt make his bar low he still has wants and needs even if they arent 'giffs

[@Clementine3107]

Tiktok be like "He was a walking red flag She was colourblind 😔💔"

[@marinowy8998]

Tiktok is just hilarious lol

[@solareclipse_111]

I dunno why but this statement is just dramatic but funny at the same time 💀

[@3u-n3ma_r1-c0]

@@solareclipse_111 FAX

[@lmproductions61]

I kept avoiding this video because I thought it would be a cynical take about how "love isn't real" but instead I got a really well done and put together video, well done!

[@hitomie246]

haven’t watched this yet, im in an ad and paused it. can you tell me what their main points are in this video cuz i’ve also avoided this a bunch of times

[@CJ-df7gf]

@@hitomie246 watch it and you won't regret it I promise

[@shen5533]

@@hitomie246 Just watch It, lazy-ass...

[@estudos6156]

Idk i think sex and atraction are waaaay more real than “love” will ever be, the only people you can love is your parents(if they are good ones). Im Not trying to sound edgy or anything, just trying be blunt

[@OEThe11]

@@estudos6156 Before i respond to your reply, have you seen the video yet?

[@Mike..]

Great video. Working together in a relationship towards improving your own and your partner's understanding of yourselves, your expectations, your insecurities, your communication styles and how you can become better partners can be an INCREDIBLY rewarding experience. I say this as someone who just got broken up with a few days ago. It hurts like hell, but we've both grown so much as people having gone through everything we did together. And we're both going to be much better partners for whoever we find in the future

[@sam_hasan_silva]

"you cant be good at love if you only choose to love only when it is convenient and enjoyable for YOU", big brain moment and in that moment i subscribed

[@Kevin-jz9bg]

you also can't be good at love if you love only for the convenience and enjoyment of the other. with fundamentally selfish humans, love is a hard balance

[@Pomegr4nite]

Def big brain moment. It really helps put things in perspective

[@americatpsycho5113]

Same

[@EvanPlaysPc]

Whenever I hear my gfs tiktok, I cringe whenever I hear about "icks". while some of them are definite red flags, so many of them are "if they eat loud" or "they smile too much". Inversely the sheer expectation some guys have for looks is crazy. The absolute absurd standard both sides have for a relationship with the other gender makes me think so many perfectly nice people are going to end up single because they keep rerolling for someone to match their unrealistic standards set by tv and movies

[@Luna-pt3vh]

Smiling too much is a red flag? That's really sad, I wouldn't think smiling a lot is a bad thing

[@EvanPlaysPc]

@@Luna-pt3vh I don't think it's that common tbf, just one I heard on my gfs tiktok once that irritated me

[@shorx9199]

eating too loud is maddening though

[@bae-jing4260]

you do know icks do not equal red flags right? icks are just little turn-offs that can make a person somewhat irritated, and it's unique to almost everybody

[@EvanPlaysPc]

@@bae-jing4260 red flags are completely fair and any person should avoid any clear signs of a future negative relationship, icks lead to the same outcome as red flags (breaking contact) and cast a muuuuuch wider net on the prospective partners personality and are usually much more benign things

[@SR-mz8nn]

I interpret the “If he wanted to, he would” as “He should pay attention to you and you shouldn’t have to beg for your partner to do nice things for you.” The thing is, my ex would refuse to do anything cool for me unless I begged. I made him custom gifts, paid for trips, and even helped him with work. I don’t expect the literal same, but I expect an effort of care. Something nice like offering a massage or writing a card. If I would rarely say, “Hey could I get a flower every now and then?”, I don’t think I’m being needy. It’s nice to feel wanted and appreciated and it feels humiliating to have to ask for it. And by ‘ask for it’, I mean have to beg your partner for the bare minimum. So, if a man wanted to flatter you, he would make the effort. If a woman wanted to flatter you, she would make the effort.

[@earl_gay2456]

so relatable... I'm in a happy relationship now, but I also dated a classmate when we were 14-15 y.o. I would bake him bisquits, wrap them nicely and add cards with the reasons I loved him... he would constantly give me the same chocolate bar because his parents buy a lot of them each time they go shopping. I didn't expect (and tbh I didn't want) to get a chanel bag or other expensive crap from a teenage boy, but I expected at least 1 minute of effort and still couldn't have it. with this being said, it's not a surprise that he started ignoring me while not saying anything about breaking up - this just shows how little he cared. I'm over it but I can see that situations like this can easily destroy your self-esteem, especially when you are young. you start thinking "they're doing their best, they're just not really creative". they aren't and this has nothing to do with their skills, money or whatsoever.

[@lilylevay2085]

THANK YOU

[@egg62]

"If he wanted to, he would" is a damaging rhetoric because it puts a malicious intent behind something that isn't necessarily done on purpose. It's a poisonous thought that puts the onus only on the male to perform, with no care as to how he feels. What if he's struggling with his mental health, or he wasn't raised to give gifts, or he's poor, or he's new to relationships, or his love language is different from yours. All of these can make someone blind to what their partner needs, and it's important to communicate with each other and make sure you're on the same page. I empathise with your situation with your ex and it does sound like the "If he wanted to, he would" saying could be a good wakeup call to someone in a similar situation. But there's a whole range of experience where it simply doesn't apply and it instead encourages women to be hypercritical of how their man is "performing".

[@SR-mz8nn]

@@egg62 I hear you, but women are expected to take the bare minimum from men. We’re supposed to praise them for not abusing us or just for giving us decency. (I don’t know your gender so I’m just talking about ‘us’ as in women, not necessarily including you unless you are a woman) And some of us are sick of settling for scraps. If you weren’t ‘raised’ to be a good partner (which, no one is) and so you cannot give as much as you want to, go to therapy. My parents almost never showed love to each other, so I didn’t have the shining example. You’re not a good gift giver? Ask your partner’s friends what they like or ask them straight up, “Hey, I’d like to be able to get you gifts every now then, but I’m not sure of what to get you. What kinds of things do you like?” or offer money instead. Can’t afford that? Perfectly fine. Gifts can be free, like acts of service such as a simple back rub. The love languages can tie into that too. Communicate the love language preferences with your partner. New to relationships? Communicate with your partner that you need a little guidance. All of us have been new at some point. If you care, you’ll make an effort or admit you need help. Like, Google is a very accessible service to find out info. Even the public library has computers for free usage. And most people now have smartphones. If someone doesn’t have access, I’d be happy to help. But, we gotta stop letting people off so easy. ‘If he wanted to, he would’ is not addressing the guys who are already putting in their best effort. It’s addressing the guys who don’t do shit. I don’t date anymore because I’m sick of it. Men won’t lose sleep over not getting a chance to date me, so I’m not gonna flatter myself and claim they’re ‘missing out’. I do have high standards, but I also work on myself constantly. For example, I’m not pretty enough to date. I have some stretch marks and I have a bit more belly fat than I’d like. I wouldn’t tell some guy to deal with that shit. I’d better myself so I like myself more and so I’m more attractive. I won’t say that only one partner has to work hard. I’ve become colder over time and realized that people don’t need chances as much as we think they do. And if a woman has ‘too high’ of standards for men, then she can remain single until she finds what she wants. That’s on her. Just as it’s on me to be single unless I find what I want. I also have to be a good partner and that’s why I went to therapy and read books and communicated with friends and past partners. If you put in effort, it will show. It’s hysterical. Women are finally asking for standards and the consensus is “don’t be too hard on men 🥺👉🏻👈🏻”

[@Valentina-mv2ux]

@@egg62 i think this phrase only uses "he" because it needs to use a pronoun for it to make sense, but really, this could truly apply to anybody i dated a woman for a year and a half and she didn't make me feel appreciated enough. whenever i was feeling insecure about that, i would think to myself "if she wanted to, she would" the amount of times she said she wanted to do something sweet for me and then never did was INSANE, i tell you. she could never follow up to her own goals and she kept pushing me to the backburner in favor of doing nice things for other, more popular people, and she often acted as if texting me "i love you so so so much!!!!" with a dozen kissy face and heart emojis like 5 times a day was gonna make up for the fact that she could never invest some of her own time in me (as in, keeping me in mind even when i'm not present) so yeah, i definitely want to get into therapy before dating again to hopefully find a good balance between "if they wanted to, they would" without falling to the other nasty end of the spectrum of "my needs and wants are the only ones that deserve attention, and the smallest slip up from their end is a dealbreaker"

[@fae4688]

as my internet dads from cinema therapy say: "love is a decision, and it is hard work." you know you're saying the right things when an expert on the topic (a professional couples therapist) agrees with you! i thank you for this video, now i know how to express what i've been thinking in words. these girls in my dorm are always talking about wanting boyfriends and stressing about it, and are always asking me how i got into a healthy long term relationship. I tried explaining it, but im not as good with words and haven't done a fraction of the research you've done! thank you for spreading the love idc if it's cheesy!

[@chibi-mania4905]

as an aromantic, i really, REALLY appreciate this take on love. love isn’t something just happens, it’s something you have to actively participate in! and i don’t want to participate in it! many of my fellow aro siblings feel the same way, and maybe even feel this deeper than i; my loveless aros, my aplatonic aros, all my siblings who don’t feel and participate in love beyond just romance. this video talks about things i have been wanting to say for years now.

[@CherryRedBanshee]

Hey there fellow aro! 💚🤍🖤

[@noname-kx4cu]

That is the whole reason why I clicked on it!

[@courtneyhatcher5639]

Can you go into a little detail? I’ve never hear of aromantic before But lately I’ve been feeling like something is wrong with me because I don’t think I’ve ever been in romantic love I love so many people, love them hard, and I enjoy sex , but I do nottt like relationships or dating, I love just loving people without the romance being attached

[@chibi-mania4905]

@@courtneyhatcher5639 of course my friend! though, i can only give you my insight on being aromantic. aromantic just means you don’t experience romantic attraction! that’s it! this can cover a whole boatload of micro-identities - for example, greyromantics experience some romantic attraction, but not enough to consider themselves allo (opposite of aro; one who does exerperience romantics attraction), demi-aros, people who only experience romantic attraction after a bond has been established - in most cases i’ve seen, an emotional bond. there’s also the identity of AroAllo (sometimes shown as AlloAro), which means one experiences sexual attraction, but not romantic attraction! i do recommend doing you’re own research, as i can only provide so much insight, and also explore the community while you’re at it - i learned most of my terms on tumblr, and in my experience, that’s the biggest hub of aromantic you’ll find on the internet today. good luck, my friend! and just know we will always accept you with open arms; even if you end up not identifying as ado in the end ;-)

[@nylaxzy1375]

Oh yeah! I think that it's sad whenever people say the word "love", first thing that comes to their minds are the romantic type of love when love itself can take into many forms such as family love, platonic, etc...

[@samanthahopkins6273]

One major takeaway I have from this subject is that the objectification and dehumanization of male partners both online and in books/film catered to female audiences is NOT the feminist "raising standards" hot take it tries to be... it warps our perception of men and further separate heterosexual women and men from understanding each other and allowing the other to be human. I see women all the time almost perceiving love to be worship or the complete merging of souls, which sets them up for false expectations. Expecting this kind of affection in heterosexual relationships undermines the feminist sentiments the whole "raising the bar" notion originally intends to protect; it is allowing our ego and self-worth to be completely dependent. We MUST, as women, not allow men into our lives who are toxic and misogynistic. However, these hyperreal perceptions of men dangerously water down what it really is to be toxic. Great vid!

[@mobina1248]

Exactly like obsession. Hiw novels portray it versus what reality about Obsession tells us

[@pothakamuri2880]

Absolutely correct, perceving men as not complex individuals and seeing them just as the manic pixie girl version of a boy is very harmful to both women and men

[@thetempestlilac3599]

@@Lily.ard35 grow up

[@killme5630]

Yessss I'm surprised no one talks about this even tho it's quite common. I do this shit all the time. I fantasize about the perfect angle partner, but at the end of the day I realize that love can never be like that.

[@unicornwhale3807]

Hello, I'm quite lost here. To explain my background, I'm someone who isn't a fan of romance genre so you can bet that I don't know what's the trend in romance media like films, books or shows, let alone tik tok. Your comment intrigued me when you said : the objectification and dehumanization of male partners both online and in books/film catered to female audiences is NOT the feminist "raising standards" hot take it tries to be. Would you please explain this part? The word "objectification" & "dehumanization" really got me. I genuinely want to learn. In advance, thank you very much.

[@kireoy]

As someone who recently got out of a relationship of 2 years and a half, I can defenitly say that TikTok and other social media were a big part of the reason we had fights. My gf would see lots of negative tiktoks that talked about how this or that is a red flag or that “all men are this or that”. It made her question my love for her and led to a whole spiral of events that only caused stress and anxiety.

[@davidsphere43]

Tiktok and its consequences have been a detriment to society

[@duelmaster8320]

@York Is it okay if I ask why you guys broke up in the end? I have the same problem currently in my relationship, I fear everything is a red flag so we fight sometimes, but I really don't want to lose him because we really care for and love each other.

[@18poc12poc7ms]

im glad she left you

[@pheonixrises11]

@@duelmaster8320 I guess it depends what you’re fighting about? If you think something’s wrong in your relationship, you can only give so much effort to communicate how you feel and be attentative to your partner. Both members have to be trying to make the relationship work. But if you think your partner cares for you enough that you feel cared for, and you believe you are caring enough for your partner, then what’s there to worry about? I mean, I have aspects of myself I try to improve on in my relationship(being forward about what I want, paying attention to what makes my partner happy), but I’m not all too worried about the long-term.

[@kireoy]

@@duelmaster8320 We just got into way too many fights way too often as time went on. My gf also had BPD so it made her only angrier and sadder every time she saw any type of sign that might or might not confirm that I wasn’t doing what other guys did. I’m sure I wasn’t perfect and messed up as well to be clear. But I still did whatever I could and tried to put effort into it. In the end it might have been better for both of us because our mental health was suffering as much as we loved each other. As for your relationship, idk what is going on exactly but I think if you really wanna make it work. Try to make sure you communicate everything to each other in a kind and loving way and try to be understanding. Not everything they might say is an attack. Maybe try to completely avoid social media that invokes negative feelings, delete it if you have to. (I wanted to suggest this to my gf but she didn’t want to hear me out so I never got to) I think either deleting tiktok or avoiding any other type of app with negative content might be a pretty good idea. Embrace more positivite, educational and wholesome content, don’t give into all the negatives.

[@JoeyG-o8r]

Love is "willing the good of the other". It's not the same as affection or sexual attraction. People today get those things all twisted up, which is why people break up or get divorced when the affection/attraction dries up.