Am I A Bridezilla?

[@weronikalinda4917]

I hate when people say you should apologize and 'be the bigger person' even when you're not the one who did something wrong. It only teaches you that your boundaries don't matter and it's okay for someone to step all over them, it has nothing to do with 'being the bigger person'.

[@karaoconnoraliasraidra]

Being the bigger person should mean not stooping to the wrongdoer’s level, not stroking their ego by giving them an undeserved apology. Apologizing “just to keep the peace” doesn’t help anybody.

[@timothyclark803]

I agree. My mom tried to get me to do that to my sister despite the facet my sister was the cause of the situation. My mother and sisters always put public perception of the family above anything else. That sister eventually chose to disown myself and our father for entirely petty reasons. And, I no longer talk with my mother beyond pleasantries.

[@trayolphia5756]

My response to such situations is always the same… People expect you to “apologise” instead I sincerely look them in the eye and say “I forgive you”

[@franl155]

@@karaoconnoraliasraidra - agreed. That's just telling the boundary-stomper that they can carry on acting that way.

[@weronikalinda4917]

@@timothyclark803 I get what you mean. I've had a huge difficulty setting boudaries my whole life due to my parents acting similarly, turning the tables on me whenever I was hurt by someone and teaching me that I was the problem because I was upset. I can still hear my mother's voice saying 'don't make a fuss' whenever I'd come to her with anything or just get sad. It's ingrained in my brain. And it's so fucking hard to work through as well.

[@cassandramuthleb2486]

The last Reddit story had several updates and in the end she broke up with her fiancée for good and called off the wedding. She said this wasn’t the argument she wanted to have with him for the rest of her life. Within weeks of their break up, he and that friend were dating and made it official all over social media and through their friend group. A lot of Redditors speculated they had already been together.

[@aghasearmyshawolblinkonce8039]

wow he's weak af

[@Sarah-oj7bh]

Good for her!

[@midnightmave]

Do you have a link?

[@cassandramuthleb2486]

@@midnightmave unfortunately I don’t. I’ve listened to so many with different orators that I don’t even remember which one it was under. What I do remember was that it had four or five updates; I felt so bad for this young lady; I then felt as hard as it was to go through this that she was the winner in this situation since she no longer had to deal with either of them. Outside of that, I apologize I don’t know how to find the link through KZbin and I’m not on Reddit to look it up.

[@K100-b3e]

Good riddance! OP should live her best life for dodging that bullet!

[@diyamanohar4558]

Being an Indian I get why the bride was angry at her cousin’s fiancé. Those are precious moments when sisters bond over every little thing and nobody should try to sabotage that. The bride tbh dealt with the situation very well, if it were me the fiancée would’ve been traumatised for life smh.

[@starkimage_jrs7710]

I concur. As I'm Asian, we're told to respect your elders and family. I grew up by my Papa's teachings. One of them is "Be the Better Person" but it doesn't mean to let them walk all over you. I was told I can give the 3 strikes warning ( I Love my Papa so much). So, I usually just smile and say in a low voice "don't do that again,1st warning). Then on the 3rd, I just say "this is the last warning". My Papa have some Buddhist teachings taught to him. And he started "guiding" me since I was very young. Yes, he knew I'm evil and vindictive. Which is were the guiding comes in. I'm very patient as well. Takes a while for me to get angry. Some of my relatives don't like it, and are afraid of me. I get really quiet when I'm angry. I usually don't retaliate right away. It's a guessing game when I'll strike. Which for me is the fun part (Getting the evil vibe yet?) For the Bride to just give the cousin's fiancé a small talking to is like dodging a bullet. It seems that the cousin's fiancé gets away with these small petty things and not reprimanded. I would have reminded that person that she WAS NOT my choice. My sister - cousin was my choice. She has NO RIGHT to castigate and replace MY choice. SHE IS NOT YET married to my cousin. I will say these in front of my family (getting a evil vibe now?). I did not disrespected her. I will just remind her of the occasion, and her position. And tell her that on her wedding day I WILL change some of her choices. Since she did it to my wedding, she gave me a Free Pass to do it to her. And will say these to them with a smile. Did I forget to mention I was also taught " Don't do unto other's what you don't want others to do unto you"?😊 Hence I was told that I'm mean. Which I have replied with a smile "I'm following and showing respect to my elders teachings". Stay safe.

[@TheElizabethEwing]

Honestly I would’ve turned around smacked the shit out of her and told her that she was no longer welcome and then had the cousin replace her spot

[@TheJuliet316]

Yeah, that first story is far from being an ahole or bridezilla. Sounds like the cousin's fiancé is more of a future Bridezilla.

[@xchrysantha]

Lol for sure, I agree (though I'm not Indian). I probably would've stopped the entire ceremony and gotten the cousin I originally chose to come back and take that role. I completely understand how huge of a conflict this would've caused for the family, so I totally get why she didn't; but I'm combative like that lol, considering how special that moment was supposed to be I just wouldn't have been able to accept that.

[@deshadriancampbell7173]

@@xchrysanthaI was thinking the same thing. I would have had that hill to die on, holding up the ceremony looking for my little cousin and replacing the fiancé.

[@readingtherapy8376]

Update on the Rachel situation: the fiancee ended up reading Reddit comments, got defensive first and then had a chat with OP. Then uninvited Rachel. But the fact he listened to a bunch of strangers and kept defending this crazy person is a huge red flag.

[@ldannu5627]

Thanks for the update !

[@handsanitizer5127]

Someone said he left the fiance for Rachel and got into a relationship with her.

[@krystled7048]

What???

[@savannahperkins8852]

@@handsanitizer5127 I need to know more about this

[@handsanitizer5127]

@@savannahperkins8852 it's a few comments above this one. Just scroll thru they give the full details on there.

[@michaelbertram6077]

Rachel already made a move on the groom when the OP, and groom had their break. That’s why he understood the importance of boundaries after the break. Because Rachel proved the OP’s point that Rachel wasn’t satisfied with just being friends.

[@ldannu5627]

💯💯

[@게부자-h9x]

I had the same thought.

[@Nil_Sama]

So... apparently, op broke up with him permanently and canceled the wedding. Fiancé and Rachel got together a few weeks later, so they definitely weren't "just friends". BTW, I don't know the thread, I just read it somewhere in this comment section~

[@darcy5761]

That's what I thought,Rachel viewed him as more than a friend

[@DespairKarma]

​@@Nil_Sama nope they were together since near the beginning of OPs relationship with OPs now ex

[@katielainez1826]

My BF HAD a girl BFF like this- the undercover “in love” vibes are off the charts. He ended the friendship after many boundaries were crossed, and she still tries to message me saying how what a horrible person he is, how he will never love me etc all the while trying to message him about how much she “needs her BFF back” honestly insane. But boundaries need to set and once crossed that needs to be the end of the relationship. Good luck to OP.

[@blueStarKitt7924]

😰🤢

[@essennagerry]

That's so insane. I imagine your BF was hurt by that too, imagine slowly realizing you're not really seen so much as a friend but more as a potential lover when YOU saw that person as a friend. It's well known that unrequited romantic love hurts a lot (not saying this is proper love but yaknow what I mean) but I think we don't talk much about how friendship feels are feels too. When you care about someone as a friend that's not nothing and when you think they care about you the same way and find out they don't it really hurts. I had a guy friend who really hurt me in a few ways and I tried staying friends and as I put effort into that we fought a lot before I decided to just not have a relationship of any sort. In hindsight I'm in some ways glad some of that fighting happened because of what came to light through it. Despite the ways in which he hurt me and the stuff that still makes me mad just randomly remembering them - he did care about me as a friend and as a person. Not enough for things to be acceptable, still couldn't trust him, still decided to stop the friendship for multiple reasons, but perhaps it took away some of the trauma weight knowing he did cherish me as a friend. Btw I had my faults too in the whole thing, both of us weren't just good or just bad, wanted to make that clear bcs I'm not sharing to make myself a victim and him a villain. Just sharing how friendship feels are feels too and they're not nothing. Just because it's not romantic doesn't mean it's trivial or small.

[@synthiamcbride7194]

For the "No-plus-one" bride, she specifically states "...those are the rules. Take it or leave it." Only when the cousin decides to "leave it" and declines the invitation; she gets mad at him. What she really meant is "Those are my rules. You are mandated to follow them and be happy about it."

[@katjaw6516]

I will say that she did not handle the Situation with her cousin well. On the other hand, I always thought it weird, that people would invite strangers to their weddings just because they are dating a friend of theirs. I totally wouldn't.

[@RandomFandomDragon]

@@katjaw6516 That's fair. Especially if you plan a wedding on a budget, those +1s can get pricey. But I wouldn't be mad about people opting not to come.

[@one_mel_swoop]

@@katjaw6516 I can understand that with completely single people, but for established couples? I have a cousin that I only see once every few years. He's married. I've never met his wife. But I would still invite her to my wedding.

[@synthiamcbride7194]

@@katjaw6516 I agree about not doing "plus one" for a random date to come, but for married couples, or engaged couples or couples who have been living together for several years, I think they should be invited.

[@LadyMFUnicorn]

I think she did want certain women there or even him or both. She doesn’t respect anyone else’s relationship. She should not be mad about people picking the love of their lives over her “special day”

[@jannamckeen4414]

Ok on the BFF story with Rachel....it hacks me off that her fiance didn't get angry immediately. My best friend and I are extremely close and protective of each other...I have stepped in and got her our of a few toxic relationships over the years....most of her past boyfriends hated me immediately because they wanted to control her...so I was top banana over everyone as far as consideration is concerned....until one day when she met "the one" Enter Jay from across the country. He came to visit after they had been talking for a good 6 months and have had a few face to face meetings. After a 15 minute conversation on the front porch at bffs Mom's house I knew without a doubt that this man was made specifically for my BFF. It was difficult because she was moving across the country because she can work from anywhere...I was devastated because for the first time in literally 20 years at this point we had never gone more than a few days without seeing one another....but when I saw the love that flows between my BFF and Jay...it made my heart overflow with happiness for her. So if Rachel is truly his BFF she would be overjoyed that her BFF was happy...js

[@Jessie12N]

Please tell me how you got your BFF out of toxic relationships? My BFF is dating a total loser and he's toxic. I have never forced her to do anything and she is an adult that can make her own choices but I have repeatedly voiced my opinions about him. She has dumped him 3 times and gotten back together 4 times. She is now with him and he is so awful. She tells me she loves him, but from an outsider's POV, he seems awful.

[@marshawargo7238]

@@Jessie12N YOU Can't Do Anything Until SHE Realizes The Facts. Maybe you can find his Ex girlfriends? Maybe they can offer Eye Opening Proof? The more You Push Against HIM the more proof he'll have that "He just hates me & wants US to be apart, because he's the evil enemy of US being together! Can't you see that I love you more than anything & He Hates Me!" Good Luck it's not easy. You have to be fast before he cuts off all her friends & family But not too pushy so that it looks like You are the Controlling One!

[@midnaphai]

@@Jessie12N Without exactly knowing why you consider him a loser, don't tell her you don't like him for whatever reason. If she really likes him she'll accept his flaws and you'd just make yourself the villain telling her he's a bad guy. Trust is the most important thing in every relationship but there is thoughts that should simply not be spoken out loud, even if they're your honest opinion. Also you have to be honest to yourself, is he really a toxic loser or do you simply think your bestie deserves better? Feelings are complicated, if there's no directly clear reason why she shouldn't be with him (like if he's a cheater or disrespects her/talks bad behind her back) then you shouldn't point out his flaws to her and let them be happy. Every human has flaws and if your best friend makes you feel bad about an important decision (like choosing a partner) that's not a good start for a relationship. Be supportive to her if you think their relationship could work out. If you're really concerned about her well being and you're sure he will hurt her be clear and honest about that, if she's really your friend she will understand.

[@Jessie12N]

@@midnaphai He's in his 30's and almost became homeless but his parents saved his butt and let him live with them. He has no job. She was paying his rent until I told her to stop doing that cause she didnt have money for her school. He could not afford food. I went to visit my friend one day after many months and we ended up hanging out late like after midnight, and he would not believe she was with me. He told her "I refuse to believe you were still with your friend at your house after midnight." He cusses her out anytime they have argument. Calls her a b*tch anytime he gets mad. My friend has a bachelors of science and is thinking about pursuing a masters in nursing. Its hard for me to be supportive with someone like this. But I give up, I told her I dont wanna discuss him anymore. Also thanks for your reply!

[@Jessie12N]

@@marshawargo7238 Thanks for the response, I don't think I have time, energy, or the recourses to find his ex. My friend is a mature adult and if she wants to cut me off cause he said so thats fine. I have spent a year of my life telling her he's not good for her, but she can do whatever she wants. I got so frustrated I told her I dont wanna discuss him anymore.

[@moramet]

If my best friend sent a message like the groom's best friend sent his fiancé I would have zero hesitation cutting her out. Nobody gets to speak to my fiancé like that

[@sarajames2503]

In the first story, the fiancé should’ve been the one to talk to his woman like that so the bride didn’t have to! He should’ve told her to butt out since the BRIDE asked for that particular cousin!

[@jellyowl2644]

@Family guy 🅥 OH NO! ITS HERE!

[@liarodmora24]

@Family guy 🅥 whyyyyyyy

[@Surftouka]

I wonder what the cousin's fiance would think if her wedding didn't go exactly as planned? Hmm and if the bride took over the role of one of her female cousins. It's sad also as she was trying to help the cousin who tends to be shy by giving her that role.

[@raraavis7782]

I'd guess, he only got involved after the fact? And who knows, what the fiance told him about what had gone on. Not saying it's right, but most people take their SO's side in that kind of situation. Can't believe the nerve of that woman, though. How do you presume to go against the bride's explicit wishes and push aside a close family member, when you're not even an official part of the family yet?

[@sarajames2503]

@@Surftouka IKR! It doesn’t seem like she was trying to help the shy cousin, since when her mother intervened they were both told to keep quiet and keep the ceremony moving.

[@MynnKitchen]

Apologizing isn’t always being the bigger person. Sometimes the bigger person reinforces boundaries in calm, consistent, and concise way.

[@guestguest9634]

Well said

[@User-yu8er]

With the first one, in that culture it's an honor placed onto whoever is picked, so I feel awful for that cousin that got that role taken from her. I've been to multiple of these types of weddings and it's always so heartwarming to watch the person picked looking out for the well-being of the bride and emotionally supporting them throughout the long (sometimes even 2-day) ceremonies. It's more than just being rude and changing the wedding plans. That fiancée disrespected the bride and her cousin. It's basically like the role of the father walking their daughter down the aisle. No one should try and jump into that position if they were not asked to. There's a huge emotional significance towards this role that the fiancée just ruined.

[@addie-eileenpaige6460]

Good analogy with the father of the bride walking her down the aisle. Brides & grooms owe no one nothing. If they want certain people to be part of the bridal party or do certain things, within reason, just respect that

[@GubbiGap]

Also just because the bride picks a person to do these things it doesn't make them a bridezilla. I feel like some people will pull out the word for any bride who demands anything... this is barely even a demand. This sounds to me like picking a MOH but more relaxed. OP even handled the situation well in not flipping out in front of everyone and talking to the fiancé later.

[@addie-eileenpaige6460]

@@GubbiGap I hate it, too, when a bride or groom makes a few requests for THEIR wedding, they're slapped with the bride/groomzilla label. It's THEIR day, so they're allowed to be a little selfish.

[@katieb.1184]

cool, thanks for explaining... I was trying to match it up to my traditions and it seemed more important that my MOH was, and this confirms that.

[@katieb.1184]

@@GubbiGap they really do... I had almost nothing I actually cared about for my wedding (literally I had five things I wanted, the rest I let my mom pick because it didn't matter to me), but those were things I REALLY cared about... and I got "don't be a bridezilla" in response to me wanting fake red flowers...

[@joannahelmer5637]

The story with the female bestfriend kinda pissed me off. She is trying to make herself look more important than the future wife. And when she said Learn your place I had an urge to cause violence. If I was the fiancee I would ask her future husband why he would allow his bestfriend to disrespect her so much ? If it continues she is not going to have a good marriage. I'm thinking that the bestfriend is secretly in love with him and is jealous as hell. Sorry but an ultimatum might be in order here. I think a fight between the two is going to happen rather soon, and I bet that the bestfriend does something shady as hell during the wedding. Love your videos Peace and love to you and your family 💙

[@babypao7651]

the post from the last story had been updated on reddit ! Update { posted same day }: The update probably came sooner than I expected and maybe than you expected as well. While I had this post up, I was sitting next to my fiancé. I told him that I don't want to ask feedback from family and friends and I don't want them involved in our drama so I'd rather get some unbiased feedback here. He's been reading some of the responses and while at first he was very defensive over his actions, he just now started realising on how he has to reflect on this a bit more. I also explained to him once again in detail on why what I think Rachel is doing is bad and how it might destroy not just our relationship but any future relationship he might get even after we break up because no person would be willing to stand for that disrespect. We are having a chat about it now and he's thinking of distancing himself from Rachel. Edit 2: for the record, he decided to uninvite her from the wedding completely and later distance himself from her.

[@cbnh239]

@@babypao7651 THankyou! I was hoping there was an update

[@sheilavaughn296]

@@babypao7651 That's great! And thanks so much for posting that because that one really had my blood boiling!!

[@laraq07]

@@babypao7651 I just hope he doesn't cave later and let her back in his life. Cause he sounds weak/saf.

[@hellund2874]

@@babypao7651 Good, but it irritates me that he had to be "convinced" by the opinion of the masses on reddit though instead of taking his fiancée's feelings seriously. Sounds like he felt shamed by the response of the internet into making that decision rather than him actually believing he or Rachel were in the wrong. I can also see how Rachel might convince him over time to let her back in. This is a case where I feel like OP did not do herself a favour going through with the relationship and wedding.

[@kaylamarie4811]

My ex had a “friendship” with a lady like Rachel. It basically took me taking all of his stuff from my house, in bags to his home and telling him if their friendship was more important than my feelings and the disrespect she was giving me it was over. He reluctantly changed his tune and blocked her from contacting him. Tbh I should have just ended it then instead of going through 5 years of hell. Lmao

[@vsand9798]

Yeah. I have a good friend who had a male best friend. He always puts her first. But to be clear, she isn’t disrespectful, she is always nice to the new GF, she really wants what best for him so she steps back (or tries to). She is about 14 years older than him, he was a single dad and she basically helped him raise his son, it’s always been just a friendship. The issue comes with the type of women he dates. Young, immature, super jealous. He works a lot a needs a more traditional woman, which he never seems to find. So my friend does things for him like meal prep (he is a competitive bodybuilder), admin duties for the business and again helps with the kid. This is of course after the girl friend says she wants to be more involved then ends up not being helpful or complaining about helping. So my friend takes over again. They always get really angry at this and end up stalking her online or at her front door. It’s seriously a circus. He should just be single and date.

[@mimiabroad9514]

@@vsand9798 so he basically looks for maids!!! And uses this poor lady to make his girlfriend jealous!!!!! Weird!!!

[@Maura237]

​@@vsand9798 Your statements and maybe that man: 🚩🚩🚩

[@aliciax5854]

@@vsand9798Seems like you’re all red flags lmao

[@hellund2874]

Last story: Rachel is insufferable, but wow that fiancé makes me even more angry. Situations like this are 99% due to the guy being unwilling to give up his "special relationship" with another woman. Rachel feels encouraged in her belief that she is his priority only because he treats her as one and who knows what he told her to begin with. Men like this enjoy having a wife and a "platonic" second wife. OP is marrying into a shit show.

[@Ketutar]

It has nothing to do with her being a girl. There are "best men" who behave exactly the same.

[@meisjeViv]

The most stupid part of it is that it is not even necessary to give up the special relationship you have with a best friend, but if that friend behaves like this, that's some major red flags... What kind of 'best friend' isn't happy for their friend's romance? I can understand some jealousy and insecurity, but that's for you to figure out, taking that out on the spouse is digging the grave of the friendship...

[@maiingan07]

First, I agree that Rachel was way out of line and had needed to be put in her place by the guy, I’m all for that. In all honesty, it might even be best that the two go to little or better yet, no contact. However, even though you may not have come right out and said it, it sounds awfully like that you cannot stand the idea of boyfriends having a close female friend. And that’s fine, it’s your opinion and how you perceive things. In essence, you do you. I’ve been married almost twenty years to the most awesome man I know, and I am still head over heels for him. When we got married, I had my best friend as one of our groomsmen, and he did a fabulous job because he had taken his responsibilities quite seriously. My husband had been agreeable to it even when they hadn’t known each other that well. You see, my husband made his decision off of my behavior and his level of trust that he has in me. Now, they are great friends, and even better, my best friend has become engaged to the love of his life. He absolutely adores her, and I’m so damn happy and excited for the both of them. Plus, not only does he have a winner, but the two of us get along very well. She had even at one point called me her closest friend, and for that I am honored. So not all of us behave or think like Rachel, or in how you may think that there has to be alternative motives to the opposites being best friends. You did essentially say the husband would have two wives, rather than the one as it should be. In the case between him and Rachel, I completely and wholeheartedly agree. There is definitely something off with Rachel and her behavior. I wish you nothing but happiness and a fun weekend.

[@cocolime6496]

it's not just about men and having a "platonic" wife. I've seen this happen a lot with men and their guy friends, women with their girl friends, with their parents and their siblings too

[@jmvelasquez3604]

I feel that if Rachel truly had platonic feelings to the dude, the fiancé would also kinda be counted as an extention of their friendship. like if my bestfriend were to be married then I would consider their spouse as my bestfriend too or at the very least an extention of my friendship with said bestfriend.

[@nessknows.]

Similar story to the last one… but my fiancées sister was told I had gotten pregnant. She told him I was trying to trap him and he needed to get a DNA test (I have never met nor had any kind of contact with her ever). Fast forward and I had a miscarriage. When their parents told them her lovely response was to say “I’m sorry, but at least he’s not trapped anymore.” He hasn’t spoken to her since the comment when he told her I was pregnant and now she is basically cut off unless she’s going to apologize to me. That’s the exact response I feel should happen there.

[@aliciax5854]

I’m so sorry you had a miscarriage and that your sister in law was disgusting to you, that’s just insane.

[@nicolecourter2870]

My husband's ex wife sent me a 3 page letter when we got engaged very very similar to Rachel's. Needless to say, I quickly put her in her place and my hubby backed me up. If he would have reacted the same as that guy, we wouldn't be together. His relationship with Rachel is very unhealthy.

[@karaoconnoraliasraidra]

Apologies should only be when you genuinely did something wrong and feel bad about it; you should never, ever apologize “just to keep the peace”. Rattling off an apology to appease an entitled person sets the stage for future entitlement (which debunks the “keeping the peace” claim) in addition to devaluing apologies.

[@rabbit_scribe]

Plus it's a lie.

[@Lemana28021989]

Plus, it's toxic. Why should YOU be the one apologizing when THEY made the mistake/bad thing?

[@pameversole5886]

Well said!

[@lynneconklin917]

I aM sO sO rRy that you feel you should be the main character on my wedding day and that being called out ruined your day. Would that count as an apology?

[@carmeltabby]

@@lynneconklin917 it might in that family.

[@Unajet]

Story 1: "I apologize that I didn't make my wishes for my wedding clear enough for you to understand who was given what roles." There, you apologized. :)

[@elizabethbaker9745]

I'm sorry you were upset but you overstepped boundaries and you upset people I care very much about. I wanted X there and you hurt me very much by interfering. Cousins turn to apologise but I bet hell would freeze over first.

[@LeynaraLarwenarenel]

Im sorry that I lashed out as hard as I did. I intended that place of honour to cousin and upon hearing that it was taken from her my protective instincts kicked in and combined with my dissapointment that she didnt get to share that moment with me, I found I caused a bigger scene than I wanted. Even still, you crossed a boundry and if you show that kind of disrespect towards the relationship between cousin x and myself again I will walk out of your life and that will be that. I do not want to build animosity between us but nor can I respect someone willing to sabatoge family for thier own benifts.

[@tanyar18]

“Not a desi wedding until all the relatives are mad at each other” - This is literally so accurate

[@embeeeeeeeee]

I have a male best friend too who’s so close to me. We were friends since high school and in college we were classmates and literally have all classes together. We eat, drink and do all kinds of stuff in college together. We also have one female BFF, we’re a trio group but our other BFF was in an out of town college. This particular guy bff was really crazy goofy funny and protects us so much that’s why I can’t even image him having a girlfriend and we always joke around that if he ever has one, the gf might be our 3rd wheel (or 4th if the other bff is there). Fast forward to the day he met her and at first we were putting up our walls because idk maybe we really can’t imagine and grasp fully the thought of not having him around our lives as often as we’d like. Me and the other girl bff used to complain he’s not always with us anymore and tagged the gf as controlling (but she’s not, she’s the sweetest and she even tried everything to be our friend too). After some time we understood and respected their love for each other and how selfish of us to not participate and love them both equally. Now we’re godmothers of their child and soon hopefully grooms-women of their wedding. Not only did our friend became so much happier but we gained one more bff to love and share life’s milestones with forever.

[@paolinagrosser2871]

This sounds like a healthy friendship. I´m glad not all girl best friends are like Rachel, because they´re always the kind you hear about on reddit etc.

[@nathaliebazinga]

Same. A group of my 5 closest friends are all guys. We all accepted each others' significant others and expanded our friend group. The issue is when one person becomes jealous... This is why we have trimmed our friend group way back in the day so now it's only me and them 🤣 but they're like my literal brothers

[@evelynkirishko5407]

Yeah I don’t know... I still have a hard time believing there’s not feelings at least on one side in male-female friendships. I mean, why did you guys get so possessive of him and dislike her, despite her being sweet and friendly? It’s because y’all probably were hoping one of you might end up with him. My husband’s male friends never acted that way towards him or me, they were very friendly and welcoming to me and respectful of our relationship even though he didn’t spend as much time with them anymore. But you know who WAS jealous, and to this day treats me passive-aggressively? The girl who my husband grew up, who clearly saw him as more than a friend. She’s the same way with another guy’s wife from their youth. And they weren’t even bffs, just all hung out together sometimes. There’s always more than just friendship between guys and girls.

[@embeeeeeeeee]

@@evelynkirishko5407 Okay I don’t think you’ve read my comment correctly with the example you just stated in you comment. Obviously you don’t know me and the FRIENDSHIP the three of us have. And I guess you’re just purposely missing my point just so you can vent out yours. I understand. ☺️ Your husband and that “not very close” childhood friend, is not the same as ours because I clearly said we’re SO CLOSE. And it wasn’t even about him having a girlfriend, it was about him being there for us so much throughout the years that we were having a separation anxiety. He is like a brother to us, till this day. And FYI. Both of us (the girls in the friend group) have boyfriends that our guy bestfriend is very close with, we hang out together. That said boyfriend is already my fiance now. So let’s just not project our lives to other people’s stories because we all live different lives and I don’t know you and you don’t know me OR US. AND DID I MENTION WE’RE GROOMS WOMEN? Oh yes I did. I think? Did you read it? 😂 By the way, that was the bride’s decision because the bride is part of our group now because I did mention that we gained another friend to love, right? Or am I wrong and I didn’t type that out for you? 😂 Right now both of them are our close friends and we support them equally even to the point where we convinced our bff (who don’t believe in marriage) to propose and marry her because we love her so much for him. So to cut this story short, READING AND COMPREHENSION ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS. YOU SHOULD TRY COMPREHENSION SOMETIMES 😉

[@embeeeeeeeee]

@@nathaliebazinga Right? Some people just don’t understand the dynamics of having guy friends. I’m most comfortable with guy friends because I grew up with 5 brothers and 1 boyish sister so I gravitate with guy energy. There’s just less drama and you’ll have more people to protect you IF you need it. 😂And after all that, you’ll have more “sisters” gained from them when they choose someone perfect for them ☺️

[@TheAwesomes2104]

When people say "Be the bigger person, Apologize and get the drama over with." What they're actually saying is be an enabler, enable this person to continue with their crappy behavior by taking the consequences of their actions upon yourself, and if you don't, we will look down on you for it. As someone with a narcissist in the family, you have to learn who enablers are and when they're doing it, and shut that crap down immediately. The reason horrible people can live their lives without ever having to change is because they surround themselves with people who will allow their BS and shield them from the repercussions. Otherwise, they'd have to become better people to get the love and attention they crave. These kinds of people seek out and surround themselves with enablers, the same way abusive partners seek out those with dependency and attachment issues. Refuse to be someone who excuses and suffers through this behavior. You should never just grin and bear the toxicity of others.

[@jtidema]

Right, these are the types of people who also say "there's two sides to every story" and mean that YOU did something wrong. In this case, I don't think the bride did anything wrong. She did NOT call the jerk out in public, she had a conversation with her afterwards. There is nothing to apologize for.

[@SonjaElizabethTeal]

My cousin. Fifty years old and still a complete asshole because the entire family always says "Just ignore her. You know how she is."

[@SonjaElizabethTeal]

@@jtidema Ugh. Another irritating sentence. A particularly intense situation btwn myself and a family member caused a long term friend to say the "two sides" sentence and I immediately her off. When she asked why I told her, "Now you don't have to straddle the fence."

[@RandomFandomDragon]

@@SonjaElizabethTeal I hate this! I think be told "just ignore him" or "it's not worth the fight" taught me to be the person willing to have the fight. I'm petty enough to do it anytime, but I try to reserve it for the big stuff.

[@hismom5600]

AMEN!!!!! This right here👍💯👍💯👍

[@stadot1427]

The funny thing about the plus one story is that though I've been to many weddings, most of them did not include plus ones. If you were seriously dating, engaged, or married, the SO is almost invariably included (unless space/money is an issue). If you go single, you're usually sat with other singles or people you're known to be friends with.

[@zaribelle718]

“I am a doormat but I have boundaries” 😂 I didn’t know a sentence could describe me so perfectly

[@ziggystarlust]

If the roles were reversed in that last one I bet the woman's fiance would be pissed. Nobody should let their friends bully or intimidate their partner. She is 1000% trying to break them up so she can have him. Ick

[@BerryCuddles]

Absolutely this. If the roles were reverse it would be an immediate accusation of cheating on the bride's part.

[@l.p3861]

The guy told his friend off and they aren't friends anymore, I heard this story the other day on another channel

[@franl155]

If they've been "friends since childhood" and she hasn't managed to snag him yet, little chance that she will now - unless groom and OP "just happen" to break up, then she can be there to "console" him.

[@sunnydoom2726]

Yeah that one gave me real My Best Friend's Wedding vibes.

[@owatagusiam44]

@@sunnydoom2726 oh my gosh YES! I was thinking about that movie too haha

[@maemae7497]

I was called a bridezilla because I was ticked that my sister in law was bad mouthing me in the next room, and I snapped at my 15 yr old friend because she wouldn't stop giving me unsolicited advice about how I should change the ceremony half an hour before it started. 14 yrs later I'm very close to the 15, all grown up and super lovely, not really friends with my sister in law.

[@CanonSkyrissian]

here's a general reminder: you're not a bridezilla for making *reasonable* requests on your wedding or wanting things done a certain way, again within reason.

[@katieb.1184]

EXACTLY! I don't consider it bridezilla until you are: - throwing a tantrum (except for crossed boundaries) - demanding people make a permanent or long lasting change (hair cut, hair dye/bleach) - demanding people hide things they need (like mobility aides or other helpful things) - trying to change a thing that is part of someone's appearance (hide non-offensive tattoos, remove piercings, dye hair, etc) - ignoring comfort, budget, and identity Picking your flowers, verses, helpers, dresses, theme... not a bridezilla

[@CanonSkyrissian]

@@katieb.1184 exactly! wanting certain decorations or music or food isn't being a bridezilla (ofc consult the person you're marrying as it's their wedding as well). it's simply wanting your wedding to be nice for you, as it's supposed to be.

[@abbiesmith9065]

For example the no plus one rule is an acceptable rule to have at your wedding, but you should consider that some people close to you may not attend an event they can't bring their partner.

[@t.swiftie]

i agree the only ah thing the second to last one did, in MY opinion, was to get mad at the guy

[@aliciax5854]

@@abbiesmith9065Plus one isn’t for people in relationships, it’s for single people who are trying to get together.

[@DAUGHTERofIRIS]

"Not sure if that correlates" It does! As a bisexual person, we have the propensity to be attracted to 'anyone' so often we get labeled as promiscuous or unfaithful simply because are dating pool isn't limited to one gender indentity. Typically, when people don't like their partners to have friends of the opposite sex, it means you think they view /every/ member of the opposite sex as an 'option' Being bisexual she probably has experienced the prejudice that she can't be trusted with anyone, so it makes sense she wouldn't feel like she needs to overbear in her fiances friendships

[@whims6278]

🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@Mama_Bear524]

Yup. And no matter what gender the other person is, they’re being sooooo inappropriate. It’s obvious they’re lusting after him and she 💯 should insist on this boundary

[@GubbiGap]

Yea I was gonna say that this was probably why. I'm not personally bisexual but it just makes sense because it opens more options.

[@SingingSealRiana]

@@GubbiGap . . . Like theoretic ly, but people who think like that tend to forget that they themselfs are not usually attracted to everyone that falls under the umbrella of their sexuality. Having to be suspicious and distrustful of your partner as much as talking to someone of their preferred gender is a major red flag that you have trustissues. A partner trying to deny me my friendships or a "friend" getting pissy about me talking to their partner is my call to leave them behind. Humans are social creatures and in need of connections, making it all about sex and gender is harmful and narrow minded

[@SingingSealRiana]

It is so stupid

[@Vhalkyr1a]

"People can't be mad when you express boundaries when they are the ones pushing them". Well said! Seriously. I think I needed to hear that. I've been around so many toxic people and in toxic relationships and apologizing for my own boundaries that it's easy to forget that I have nothing to be sorry for.

[@davidavallone9416]

If ever there was an occasion for a non-apology, that was it. "I'm so sorry you were upset by my calling out your narcissistic behavior during my wedding..."

[@katieb.1184]

"I'm sorry that your choice to remove someone I cared about from a position of honor seemed okay to you and that I corrected that."

[@kstormgeistgem461]

heee!😄 well put!

[@taylormurrell1]

For that last story I’m going to say this. The fiancé is 100% responsible for the “best friend’s” actions. I say this because if he would have handled that in the beginning I guarantee she won’t have to balls/ovaries to say or send ANYTHING to his FUTURE WIFE that was out of line. He needs to take responsibility for what HE created and is still creating. If he can’t see that let her have him. The bride to be shouldn’t be stressed over a battle that shouldn’t be happening in the first place.

[@Mama_Bear524]

Exactly. I’m not necessarily saying he’s cheating on his fiancée with her but this other woman really seems to be in love with him whether he knows it or not. He definitely hasn’t set boundaries and it is on him to handle this. It’s not about jealousy it’s about being normal. You don’t stay friends with someone who’s lusting after you when you’re in a relationship.

[@JMulvy]

As someone with severe social anxiety, I would ditch a relative's wedding if I couldn't bring my girl for the last 22 years, who I rely upon to prevent from having a panic attack. She is able to keep me calm while bringing me out of my shell without me feeling pressured. Something NO ONE in my family has ever even considered doing for me.

[@Theblondebass1]

Similar line of thought, not every wedding I go to, I know EVERYONE. If I couldn't bring my husband I would be just sitting there hoping someone is willing to talk to me. That holds no interest for me

[@JMulvy]

@@Theblondebass1 well I wish you the best of luck with that but my girl for the last 23 years dumped me five months ago.

[@Theblondebass1]

@@JMulvy I'm so sorry, I guess I was commenting on a post from a bit ago. I hope you find healing

[@JMulvy]

@@Theblondebass1 No worries, I am doing much better now. She however is finding single life at 40 yo really rough. Especially, living with her mother again without a license. I call that karma for her up and leaving without explanation, then completely ghosting me for five months. She was the only person I cared about for 23 years and my best friend for 32 years. We have known each other since we were 8 years old, but what are ya gonna do, ya know? 🤷‍♂ Right now I am just focused on myself, rebuilding my life, doing things I never got the chance to do before.

[@phelllandborn6478]

"...people can't be mad when you express boundaries, if they're pushing those boundaries." So well articulated. 😃 Boundaries are healthy and should be respected. They're essential to productive communication and respectful engagement in all kinds of relationships. I just love how aware you are about healthy psychological socialization (whether you realize it or not.) Intuitive brilliance!

[@Five_by_Five9340]

The last story is a more realistic version of “My Best Friend’s Wedding.” As in if the movie would have acknowledged the couple would have talked to each other about all the manipulative stunts Julia Roberts pulled and dropkicked her.

[@sunnydoom2726]

That is exactly what I was thinking lol.

[@Five_by_Five9340]

@@sunnydoom2726 lol - as I was typing, I was wondering how many people watching actually know the movie??!! Glad there are a few. Xx

[@cocolime6496]

except in that movie julia Roberts was his ex and they weren't ever really friends first. also, kimmy and michael were wrong for each other and never talked about their future

[@missfuyutsuki]

Tbh, I like that "no plus ones" rule. As an extremely shy / introvert person, I really wouldn't feel at ease with strangers around me and I can totally get the fact that she only wants people she and her fiancé know at her big day. What made her an AH though is how she treated her cousin's answer, those were her rules yes, but she should respect his decision and not speak to him that way. Maybe try to meet his fiancée so they can both come, or just accepting respectfully that he won't be there.

[@thehistoricalcollaborator]

Who wants a bunch of strangers and people you don’t like at their wedding? No thanks!

[@ScientificCat]

I don't think the problem was her choosing not to invite partners, the problem was the fact that when people said they didn't want to attend under those conditions, she got mad. She can set rules. That's fine. But when she did that, she was basically saying "come alone or don't come". She can't be mad that people picked "don't come".

[@gamingwithflower]

Exactly I like them too I don't want to have strangers on my wedding but if they are engaged or married then I will allow them but if my family or friends want them partners to go I want to meet them before that and try to become friends with them or not because I am a shy and Introvert person as well

[@Krisna_K]

I lived with my husband for many years and didn’t know all of his friends or family members for a long time! We ALWAYS went to weddings and parties together! Everyone knew we were together! Also, when we finally got married in 2019 after 25 years together I tried so very hard to NOT be a bridezilla! Kids Welcome, Plus One’s Welcome, Bridesmaids dresses: Any long black dress (I didn’t care if they matched) and we put out Crayola Color Wonders books and pens for the kids! (The pens only color on the special paper!). We had fun, the kids were occupied and quiet! It was great!

[@akshatatalankar801]

I love this... might include this idea for my wedding in future... kids are so innocent sometimes they will just go ... "oooo shiny" and wham! you are paying $100 more for repairs... and the worst part is when they genuinely don't know or just not acting out of mischief...

[@PrinceLuigii]

To that last one. She needs to give her ring back to him and state "If you value your best friend's thoughts and priorities over me, who is suppose to be your future wife, then you can go marry her. If she means that much to you clearly I surely can never compete. I wont have a husband who refuses to defend me when I am being insulted". I swear I keep being given a reason why I should never ever get married

[@YoungDymisty]

Apparently someone in the comments said the fiance read the Reddit post and wasn’t happy initially and defended Rachel then calmed down. But apparently the wedding was called off and he ended up getting with Rachel but yeah I agree with you 1000% that’s why it’s laughable when people keep telling me I’m not giving them a chance yet they continue to do the exact things I told them I’d experienced😅. It makes no sense when I’m literally giving you a handbook of what not to do. Lol

[@aliciax5854]

@@YoungDymistyPretty sure he distanced himself from Rachel and got married to his fiancé

[@YoungDymisty]

@@aliciax5854 Idk that's just the other comments I'd read. I'm not on reddit so haven't seen if there are updates or not lol.

[@sylviagodsmith6957]

Your first story of indian family wedding scenarios is what that has caused my family to distance ourselves from other relatives. There is just so much drama in traditional indian families. While most is hilarious if you stand away from them, but when you are literally a part of the family, it is unbearable many times. My last wedding ceremony I took part in was of my maternal cousins, which was at least 8 years ago (I had not visited any other ceremony since). Littlest of the mistake would escalate into heartbreaking drama. The saddest part? My cousins had the audacity to put blame on that one aunt who carried the whole planning by herself. And in the end, she was ridiculed. It was painful and humiliating, I have only one brief happy memory of those four days, the rest were disaster.

[@s6r231]

My sister had the same rules for her wedding as in the second story. Difference was that she said from the outset that she understood if some people chose not to come if their partner wasn't invited. I had a boyfriend at the time but we'd began dating after the invites were sent out, so he wasn't invited. I didn't care, but he did. He didn't say anything further after I said it's their wedding, they get to choose who goes. The Op needs to understand that this rule might cause some people to not come, and she has to be okay with that.

[@katieb.1184]

yes! weddings are expensive. I told my friends that I couldn't invite "new significant others" because I was already at 200 people... I had a few say they weren't comfy going alone, I said that's sad but okay and reminded them that the ceremony was open for them if they wanted and we'd have a small snack reception after... it wasn't a huge deal.

[@kellyrickard9171]

I was told by a lot of people that my wedding wasn't a proper wedding because there was no fighting (that's because the people who tried to cause a problem didn't come). Everyone had a good time and lots of fun.

[@kathieb6443]

😂

[@MalcolmReynoldsQuotes]

I was in a similar situation as that last story, but the "friend" of my husband (boyfriend at the time) would flirt with my husband in front of me and would call him after her boyfriend fell asleep and sometimes try to get him to come over. She was the source of a lot of fights, but eventually my husband realized what I was saying after she screamed at him while we were in public outside the bathrooms (I was in the bathroom and could hear her), and he could see that she was indeed jealous and wanted to be the priority in his life over me. Years later, we are happily married and we haven't really seen that friend since. We both have and female friends now, but we have healthy boundaries.

[@gokuxsephiroth4505]

Good to see this situation can work itself out because holy hell is Rachel frustrating

[@DrawciaGleam02]

Yeah, sadly the best way to solve this situation (usually) is to set things up for the partner to see the problematic friend's behavior firsthand. It's an entire MESS because SO many people believe "bro before h@s". And that rule can apply to friends of the opposite gender too. I'd honestly consider letting the female friend have my partner if I was in this situation (with the understanding she hasn't tried stealing other boyfriends repeatedly). Let them try a relationship.

[@patrickfrericks8867]

I wanted to comment on the bride that excluded those she hadn't met even if they were dating a family member. I don't use reddit but wanted to share my story. My oldest brothers son got married a few years ago, I'll call him K, the couple sent me an invitation and when I didn't RSVP, K called me to ask why. Flashback a month or so, K made it a point at a family dinner that he would NEVER support or attend a wedding of mine because I'm gay and he feels it's wrong that "we" want to act like heterosexuals by getting married. When he called, I explained that I felt his wedding was wrong because they're trying to procreate and I felt it was wrong because the world is overpopulated already. It caused a huge deal with my brother and his wife towards me but I stood my ground and didn't attend.

[@bren6967]

Love your shiny titanium spine. 👨‍❤️‍👨 It is so sad how some will cave and go without their SO. Choosing a bridezilla or groomzilla over a SO is a relationship breaker. LAME!

[@west8864]

Kudos to you for standing up to family pressure - it can be the most difficult arena of all.

[@jema2609]

So sorry that someone would be gauche enough to say that to you. They seem to forget that you have feelings, and that you can make your own choices to protect your emotional well-being. Good luck with YOUR wedding! May it and the marriage be everything you hoped for and dreamed of.

[@WeAllLiveInTheTwilightZone]

AWESOME response!!! The world is definitely over populated and unfortunately it seems, at least in the U.S. where I'm from, the government pays for many of them or you have middle to upper middle class who have 5-6 kids who they tend to ignore by putting a device in their hands and who grow up to be entitled brats. In my opinion, more people should feel comfortable coming out; but not from the hoo-ha!!!

[@dylanadavis2118]

Hetero relationships are so overrated.

[@akkiko]

"He is not responsible for her actions." No, but he is responsible for her actions towards his fiancee when he keeps forcing them into contact with each other.

[@dakotakulha8376]

It was between them not them and him so he chose to stay out of it. He is not responsible for squashing every little thing that fiance had. To be honest, if they couldn't get along then why didn't they block each other from the very beginning. He can have his friends and she can have hers

[@savannahmae3679]

If I was that Bride in The last story and my future spouse reacted the way her fiance did, I would have put the wedding on hold and I would have sat down with him and express that if he tolerates this behavior then we can't get married. The fact that he didn't immediately drop her as a grooms woman and cut her out of his life proves that he values their relationship more than his fiance. Which in terms of the sanctity of marriage means he already failed and that he will fail to be a husband because when you enter into that kind of relationship the most important person in the relationship is your partner, not your best friend. This is a giant red flag and only two options should be considered, either cutting that person out of his life and seeking therapy or dropping his ass and go find yourself a better fiance. I am just so floored/sadden/shocked that Opie tolerated this behavior as long as she did.

[@krisdiane]

Yeah, honestly even with the update I'm seeing in the comments about him dropping the friend I still don't think this is a smart marriage. His instinct is not to choose his wife, and he's shown that he'll tolerate people disrespecting her. She'll likely face this for the rest of their marriage in some capacity.

[@zalhiami]

@@krisdiane From some of the updates I saw, it seems the wedding as been called off and OP broke up with him. If I understood correctly what I read so far XD

[@amandaaughtry7256]

A note on the second story - I'm a very shy person, so my wedding was tiny, maybe 25 people altogether. My now in laws planned a small get together before the ceremony so I would have the chance to meet all these new people before the wedding. It was really helpful, and everyone was very understanding about it. Especially for close friends and family with long term partners, why not try and meet the other person so you can invite both?

[@jomc7425]

I can understand not inviting a 'plus one' if someone isn't in a long term relationship. But if a couple is married, engaged or in a long term relationship, YOU INVITE BOTH.

[@mayrose8809]

To the Indian bride who just got married: No you are definitely not the a-hole you were standing up for your cousin who is naturally shy and timid about things. As someone who also has a more quiet/shy demeanor (more so when I was little) I applaud and thank you for standing up/defending cousin x

[@niallspotato5069]

I am never sure of anything but today, ladies, gents and all my non-binary friends, I would like to say one thing with 100% surety- Charlotte Dobre is NEVER going to be a bridezilla.

[@sheilavaughn296]

I concur. But if she is she will be the greatest bridezilla there ever was!! Lol

[@davidguidry657]

@@sheilavaughn296 she has played the part convincingly before (probably from all the research she does of the audacity!) but I agree that she could never!

[@marshawargo7238]

IF She Is, it's because someone's wearing white or attempting to propose or starting a speech declaring their sexual orientation! Then; You Go Girl‼️

[@davidguidry657]

@@marshawargo7238 but if it’s for a legit reason, is she a Bridezilla tho? Asking for a friend. 😉😂🤷🏻‍♂️

[@marshawargo7238]

@@davidguidry657 I guess it depends on who you ask. Ask the one wearing white & she'll tell you "She's always been a bitch, anyone else would just ignore it, but not her! "

[@emilyshaw286]

I will forever quote Charlotte; “I am a doormat but boundaries are important “ 😂

[@marissacoward3329]

I would read Rachel’s text message out at the reception after you’ve been a wifed, and have all the wedding guests laugh at it publicly.

[@ldannu5627]

Petty🤣 but I'd loved it!

[@autumnknights3584]

He was still entertaining her crazy obsessed ass though so he's the real joke

[@kstormgeistgem461]

nah, the groom's still tetchy about it, i would imagine. so doing that would just bring all that b.s. drama up to the surface again.

[@vsand9798]

No don’t marry that dude.

[@justcarineinparis]

Oh…. Petty 😂

[@charitymarie9609]

I don’t get when people ask you to apologize when you haven’t done anything wrong. If you’ve done something wrong apologize. But don’t apologize because someone is mad you called them out.

[@rambbler]

God, Rachel just oozed "I want to date my best friend but they're in a relationship so I'll press boundaries" vibes and the only reason I know those vibes is because I was exactly like that... when I was 15 and had a toxic crush on my now boyfriend. Long story short we drifted apart for a while, I reestablished an actual platonic friendship and appreciated him as a person and not just an attention machine and his girlfriend at the time was toxic as fuck and also we also found out later that she was actually married the entire time??? I was certainly extremely toxic before I got boundaries set, but that was a train wreck. Anyway, we've been dating for two years and it's doing great, I got some major character development, and I got a loving boyfriend that shares a braincell with me. The difference is that my man's actually set a boundary and said "seriously don't do that it's uncomfortable" and I took him seriously.

[@blue_diam]

I think the "she's my best friend..." is cover for "we are sleeping together." No man cares that much what their "friend" thinks over their soon to be wife. The message the soon to be wife received telling her to "stay in her lane..." says it all.

[@sakuraesther6309]

Yessss . Your spouse comes before your friends especially if the said friends are too entitled

[@Musiyca]

Ah, I saw video covering that story before it was removed I guess. There were updates and turned out fiance was basically having a hero complex with Rachel, and Rachel was manipulating him e.x. whenever he wasnted to have a life she would threaten to harm herself cause she needs him "we're best friends forever" and he trully felt responsible for Rachel's wellbeing. Funny, since he tried to defend her by saying he's not responsible for her actions. But yeah, the wedding was called off. Fiance was trying to get back together, but OP stated that as long as Rachel is in his life he will have no true partner.

[@antoninabandrivska8806]

@@Musiyca Thank you for the update!

[@abyssalzei552]

@@Musiyca oof that's a whole lotta messy business. Ex fiance needs to work out his boundaries with his BFF and BFF needs counseling fr

[@bloodberryhorror9332]

she updated the post I put it in my comment. I had to know more!

[@callycagney7665]

Setting rules for your wedding and telling people to take it or leave it is 100% ok The issue is when you try force people or try guilt people into attending when people decide to leave it and not attend. Unless you're prepared for people to take an option don't give it to them.

[@jnewcomb]

That was my reaction. Do you want people there because they love you/your fiance or do you want to exclude people because they also happen to love someone else? If you weren't comfortable excluding certain people maybe don't play so hard and fast with the head count.

[@crewser61]

I'm from VERY rural Ohio, along the Ohio River. Weddings, when I was growing up folks by ad "an open house wedding" . That meant all were welcome. People would usually bring food to share, and it was a big deal. It really was a community event.

[@michellebaker6302]

So the BFF/"groomswoman" thing - two things I'm thinking. First, yes, Charlotte, she IS waiting for them to break up for her chance with him, but it goes BEYOND that! I truly think she's pulling this stuff in order to make that happen! Most women, I'd venture to guess, would not put up with a woman saying that to them. So to the friend, she's making a play here and figures he'll side with her and the fiancé won't put up with it and end the relationship. Then she gets to swoop in and comfort him and take her place. Second, I mean, RUN GIRL RUN! The fact that the guy won't immediately ditch the friend after she sent something like that to the girl is not a red flag, it's every red flag on the flag pole. On every flag pole on the planet, actually. NOBODY should be prioritizing a "friend" who says that to the person they're going to marry above said person they're going to marry. I can tell you right now that if this was me, I'd be dumping that fiancé so fast he wouldn't know what hit him. My man has to be a man who puts me first if he's going to be my husband (same as I have to be a woman who puts him first if I'm to be his wife). No, he's not responsible for what someone else does, but he seems to be missing the entire point. She's not so upset just because the girl said those things but rather because she said them and then he did nothing about it. He doesn't seem mature enough to be married, but more importantly, he does not at all seem committed enough to this woman to be her husband.

[@majanilsson3848]

You’re allowed to invite whoever you like. Your wedding or party or whatever, you should be happy and comfortable. But also respect the fact that some people are not going to attend because of your boundaries. That’s all I have to say about it

[@rolandhansen812]

Yes, Bridezilla even told the cousin "Those are the rules. Take it or leave it." Cousin said "OK, I choose leave it". He was just doing what the bride told him to do.

[@emilysage9941]

Agreed. While unconventional, I think the couple's rules were not unreasonable. Maybe they feel uncomfortable with people they don't know very well, and/or wanted their wedding to truly only be people they know and love. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. But yes, guests of course are allowed to choose not to come, and the couple just has to accept that, not get snippy with them. I do disagree with some of the comments people from reddit left though, like saying that a married couple is a "unit." I hate that, tbh. I'm still my own person, even after getting married. It's not that big of a deal for married couples to do things separately, especially if the host is only really close with one part of the couple. Personally, I kind of get annoyed when one of my friends brings her husband along to everything I invite her to, because sometimes I would rather just hang out with her because she is my friend, not her husband (I mean I like him, he's great, but I only know him through her, so it's not the same.)

[@KaliqueClawthorne]

@@emilysage9941 I thought that too. Like for example with highly introverted people. Maybe it's just stressful for the partner or both of them with to much people. Also - The cousin could have asked if they want to get to know her, so she could possibly come to the wedding, when he wanted that so bad. It could have gone all right. I mean - I'm not even highly introverted and only maybe autistic, but after a day with that amount of people around me, comparable to a wedding I need two days to gather enough energy to get out of bed again.

[@MadiBendy]

something tells me the “bestie” of the groom is jealous that he chose another girl over her… but I don’t know I’m not that petty lol

[@esbybyaghro6483]

The second bride's story totally reads like someone she knows is dating or engaged to or married to someone she either hates or is intimidated by. She didn't want to single out one couple (or a few couples) so she made those rules to cover for it and to keep the person(s) out. That said - Social gatherings make me extremely uncomfortable so I get not wanting a room full of "who the hell is that person" at your wedding. Brides are totally allowed to determine how they want THEIR DAY (I always hear "MY DAY" in Charlotte's voice now) to go - but diplomatic wording of your preferences, at least initially, can get you a long way. However, guests are equally allowed to tell you where to stick your veil if they don't agree.

[@sunflowerbaby1853]

Imagine a wedding reception of people without their significant other. Who are you going to dance with? Your just going to sit there looking around. No one to share a glass of wine with, etc. It would be very uncomfortable.

[@kirino2-084]

@@sunflowerbaby1853 your SO isn't the only person you interact with during a wedding, by your logic, people who choose to stay single would never go to any wedding, even though they obviously know people there, familly, group of friends, at the very least the bride or groom, or they wouldn't have been invited in the first place. on the other hand, the +1 might know absolutely no one except the person they came with, and that might be unconfortable. it just depends on people. the problem in the story isn't that the fiancee isn't invited, it's that the bride got mad at the cousin for not wanting to come without her when he totally has the right

[@sunflowerbaby1853]

@@kirino2-084 Agree

[@tan_2190]

@@kirino2-084 mhm, if only she lets the cousin be and not guilt trip em then i can understand cuz almost all the weddings that i attend I don't even know who got married, i came cuz my parents or one of my parent was invited. And that's rly awkward esp for the photo session with the couple cuz i was a kid and would most likely be placed near the bride but idk who tf she is at all so it's rly awkward. And idk if its just the thing in my country, but out of all the weddings I've attend there was never a time that people dance with their partners. I don't even think the wedding couple dances at all. It's usually the couple came in, they proceed with the usual stuff, the guests started eating, and then the photo sessions with different groups before people started going home.

[@LadyMFUnicorn]

Yes I agree

[@nleem3361]

Wow, I'm a lady and I have a very good friendship with an x-boyfriend. When he told me his new bride to be wasn't comfortable with our friendship. While I was sad to miss our great conversations, I was proud of him for doing this, and happy for his future marriage. Out of respect, I never texted or contacted him. We both said warm-hearted goodbyes over the phone and wished one another and our future relationships well... When you have good friends of the gender you date, you have to respect their spouse and recognize that relationship comes 1st. It was a little sad, but I'm still happy for him. I know my situation is different from the best friend in the letter read, because my friend and I had dated, but still, a woman's got to act with grace, and recognize reality. Also, if my future husband had a friend send me a message like that, I'd expect him to drop her, or I'd be calling off the wedding. Perhaps, he's into polygamoury and wants his friend as a 2nd wife?

[@helentaylor7132]

I have had a male best friend for over a decade. When he went and fell in love, I took a step back and listened to his (sometimes very personal) good news like any bestie would. I'm happy for him/them! She asked him lots of questions for a long time, and I offered to answers any question she had, too. They're now engaged so I guess she has no more questions!

[@weirdokate8840]

the background music was so intense i was constantly waiting for it to mellow out - but in regards to the stories themselves, i think its fair to only want people at your wedding that you (as a couple both) care about but the way those rules seem to be implemented is just.. ugh

[@ellefuller7790]

Agree! I love her vids but found the music distracting this time

[@issacehowardjr679]

The thing about those rules is you make them what you want them to be. One does not have to follow the Jone's family and do as they did. 😉👌

[@dawnfaber1754]

I thought some neighbor was practicing drums really badly 😵‍💫

[@autumn1734]

@@dawnfaber1754 Same!

[@tanishamcclain5850]

@@ellefuller7790 Okay, glad someone said it. All I could focus on was drums.

[@AnnaMorimoto]

Living in Asia, the plus one rule is something I've read about in books or seen in Hollywood rom-coms, but quite foreign to me. As far as I know, Japanese wedding invitations extend to those whose names are written on the invite. No one would bring a romantic partner, unless both are part of a mutual friend group involving the bride and groom, for example. Then, each person might get a separate invite and attend together. Married couples or fiances might get one invite with both their names on it.

[@lindaraterink6451]

Europeans do the same way. Sometimes we are not aware there is a new relationship blooming (invitations are sometimes send 3 months prior and a lot can happen in the three months) and the invited one respectfully would ask if it is ok if they bring their new girlfriend/boyfriend. But if the answer is no, usualy it is respected.

[@spinasoul]

@@lindaraterink6451 yeah kind of a given unless they start going out with someone after the wedding planning, they will then ask if their significant other can attend to the venue

[@duckeh1952]

​@@lindaraterink6451 yeah came to say that. I have been 10-15 weddings and never seen +1. Invites have names and only ones whose name is on invite is invited. if kids are included, invite usually says +children/family. I'd find it very strange single people bringing some randoms to wedding. my wedding i invited one friend, only her, so she messaged me bit upset I had no included her bf but she understands if I don't want him there because we never met (we lived apart so had not seen in person and she has always been very private about her private life) I replied her "it's hard to invite someone who I don't know exist. i have had absolutely no idea you are dating somelne. Ofc he can come, just tell me his name for the placement card" everything went smoothly. they now have been married 8 years (i have been married 10) and have two kids together.

[@Wilysmiles]

That's very cool. In my area +1s are almost an unspoken rule (you should still always double check with the bride & groom if the invite doesn't explicitly say it, and it is common courtesy to at least arrange a brief meeting/phone call with them and your newer partner if you can) but also not unheard of for people to literally just bring someone that they pulled off Tinder specifically for the occasion. It goes without saying, however, that the invitee is responsible for and takes accountability for the behaviour of the guest so there are a lot of people who don't want to bring +1s because they don't know the stranger well enough to know whether they will behave appropriately. I live in a bubble, so I just always assumed the whole world was like this!

[@youleczka]

@@lindaraterink6451 This is not exactly true about every country in Europe. In Poland or in Belgium most of the time you have the option of bringing a plus one. I was a plus one from my partner after 5 months of long-distance so I didn't know his friend group that much (haven't met the bride or groom before their wedding). Now after 6 years, my name is included on every invitation.

[@pollyyander]

yeeeeaaaah i still remember my older brothers wedding- one of our many aunts was invited, along with her husband and her adult son. we didn’t invite her adult daughter, because she was (and is still) absolutely off her rocker and has a negative (or zero) relationship with pretty much everyone in the family. our aunt said if we didn’t invite her daughter she wasn’t coming-- which honestly everybody was ok with LOL unfortunately our cousin (her son) couldn’t come because at the time he still lived with his parents and couldn’t afford the drama. really annoying to be honest.

[@tellmeaboutit9975]

With the fiancée inviting his best friend story: I would’ve sent her a text back saying “Aww don’t flatter yourself honey, it was MY idea! 😘” She wants the wedding called off which is why she’s acting this way. She wants to make her mad bc she thinks the fiancée will choose her over his fiancée.

[@Sarah-oj7bh]

Yeah, but OP might be better off without the relationship.

[@kvcavin1]

@@Sarah-oj7bh and OP would be the winner all around. She doesn’t need two toxic people in her life.

[@mintberryXoXo]

update: he did choose the friend. OP broke it off and he and the friend got together...credits: one other commentor here somewhere

[@Ra42484]

​@@mintberryXoXo Ugh, five years of her life just wasted and down the drain. That's so sad, only plus side is it happened before they married and not after.

[@ereagan4]

@@mintberryXoXo I read a different update that he read the feedback on Reddit and chose his fiancée and to distance himself from Rachel. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@jessm.porthos]

1000% if I invited my family or chosen family member to do something…and this person who isn’t my friend but my cousins fiancé pushed out the person who I wanted to do it I would be 100% upset

[@WhatExcellentBoiledPo-ta-toes]

When she saw her cousins fiance there she should have asked them if they were lost and kicked them to the curb. 😅

[@roslyndsouza5349]

Those drums in the background are making me anxious!!

[@Kid_Ying]

That last one... whew. At the beginning I was on the groom/friend's side having previously been in a marriage where my wife would unfairly and unnecessarily "gatekeep" me from all of my friends, regardless of gender. And then I saw that text. I did a hard U-turn and drove 100 MPH to the wife's side. Like holy hell. I hope she ran away from that, it's just a disaster waiting to happen.

[@A_Little_Bit_Of_Everything06]

Somebody commented that she in fact did get away!

[@katieb.1184]

right? I was sitting there going "oh come on, you're just in the land of "bitch eating crackers" with her. (Everything this person does annoys you, even something as simple as eating crackers.) then that message... I would instantly no-contact my best friend (who currently sits at 17 years of friendship) if she ever tried to pull that seriously.

[@alisalaska1786]

Changing someone’s wedding ceremony and you expect the bride not to say something? 🤣 entitlement at it’s finest.

[@laurenmckechnie327]

I had strictly no plus ones at my wedding, but included all partners and children on the invitations. So no one was left out - it was simply so people didn't bring random friends as plus ones (also my husband's younger brother, who was 20 at the time, changed girlfriends like he changed his underwear and he asked to bring his new girlfriend every single time, usually the same week they started dating! xD).

[@Anthony-fd8mh]

The second one is really funny as she tells her cousin he can take it or leave it because its her rules, but when he chose to leave it she does not like that and continues to try and make him come🙄

[@robynjustrobyn6675]

First Bride - NTAH The role she chose for her shy cousin is a very special and intimate role. I would think the person chosen for this role would be a person who is kind, loving, gentle, calming, and thoughtful. There would have to be a special bond between the Bride and this person. I can see why she was upset that her choice was usurped by a person who's character seems quite the opposite of the cousin she chose.

[@nancymoon2446]

Just watched this one... I'm new so have many to go back and enjoy.. funny that in this one you talk about getting close to a million and I look down and see that you just made 2 million... so congrats and keep up the good work...

[@katherinemcintosh7247]

Miss Manners wrote in a column, a loooooong time ago, in response to a letter from a reader who was concerned that she had been rude to a rude person who, essentially, did not respect the boundaries clearly set by the reader: “Gentle Reader, It is never polite to make oneself a doormat.”

[@catinthechat01]

Thank you for posting. Sometimes I get flustered and need to remember this.

[@epicnguyens2821]

Being the "bigger person" is BS. Because of that , my stepmom keeps acting the way she does bc there is no consequence for her actions. They people in the wrong never learn if you just make everything easy for them. ALSO, that is just another way to say your feelings and emotions matter less that the other person bc their tantrum annoys others. It's utter and complete BS!!!!

[@starlightthief]

Sometimes being the bigger person is not apologising for something you didn't do wrong and standing up for yourself and what is right.

[@kstormgeistgem461]

[nods] and given the wretch hurt her Actual blood relative... eyah, no apology should be given from the bride. the Rest of those arses though... They should be smacked with a slipper until they come to their senses!

[@elishevamayerhoff-klatsky1977]

For the second story...at my wedding we had a similar policy- "no ring no bring". So if you're engaged or married, the fiancee/spouse was included in the headcount. We had a capacity limit and if we had extra seats we wanted it to be filled with our friend, not someone who has been dating a guest for a few months. The exception to this was if we're friends with both people in a couple individually and hang out with them separately, outside of just being someone's boyfriend or girlfriend. In my friend group, anyone who has been in a long term relationship usually fell under the exception, because over time we developed friendships with them outside of their relationship. I also wasn't the only one who set this rule so it wasn't a shock to anyone.

[@bringezk]

the problem isn't the rule; the problem is getting all butthurt when people decide not to come because of your rule. Have all the rules you want, just don't berate people for choosing not to attend

[@jtidema]

That makes much more sense... and it's more usual. We did the same at our wedding and didn't even need to explain it! She is saying that even if they are married they can't bring their spouse - that's the part I think is whacky. I don't think I'd go if I was told my husband wasn't invited because he's not a guy they would want to have dinner with???

[@elishevamayerhoff-klatsky1977]

@@bringezk totally got that and 100% agree.

[@elishevamayerhoff-klatsky1977]

@@jtidema agree. I've never been invited to a wedding, as a married woman, and told not to bring my spouse. It's insulting. If someone said to me come to my wedding but don't bring your husband he's not someone I see myself wanting to get to know...well that's their prerogative, but you're not going to get to know me either. Don't ask me to celebrate your marriage but disrespect mine. And my husband and I have gone to weddings without each other while being married, but that was because it was our choice/our circumstances made it impossible for us both to go. But never because one of us wasn't invited.

[@can_b_crazywerid]

This is a good way to go about it. I like it. I think I'll have a similar policy in place at my future wedding (whenever that happens, rn it's just a single girl dreaming of her dream wedding). Basically, if your invitation only has one name on it, you are eligible for a plus one, but I (rather we because fiance has a say too, it's also his wedding) may not allow plus ones - for reasons like yours (Elisheva and Janet T), financial or physical capacity limits.

[@scc6454]

To the bride with the bs rules that prevented her cousin from bringing his fiance: turn about is fair play. Maybe you won't be able to attend his wedding with your husband because his bride doesn't know your husband.

[@one_mel_swoop]

I'm so glad you got the No Plus Ones post. My response to the original Reddit post actually got me a 3-day ban from the forum because she disgusted me so badly.

[@AvaEFF]

Oooh please do share!! lol

[@ellorasg4525]

First story, as an Indian I can say, this happens a lot. You need to go full bridezilla sometimes lol

[@kstormgeistgem461]

huh. good to know if i ever wander into dating territory enough to ever get to that point again. i want to be forewarned of whatever mine fields other cultures might have for an old newb like myself.

[@VictoriaMorganawesometori]

OK the second story. Here's my issue. When you become the bridezilla is when you get upset at people not agreeing to your ridiculous demands. Have whatever stipulations you want for your wedding invites but you're going to have to accept people will turn it down. And their long list of demands are ridiculous

[@jmrggrmj9330]

I had a similar thing as the Rachel story, I ended distancing myself from my friend and as time passed we had fewer and fewer interactions until we are no longer in contact. Sometimes you have to make this hard choices and I chose my GF now wife, it was sad honestly but after all I think it was healthier that way.

[@Pillsburyjoytoy]

I think it's okay not to allow plus ones, but I think the way they explained it to the guests is what rubbed folks the wrong way. There's a way to do it without being abrasive.

[@cc1526]

Spouses aren’t plus ones though… I think that once a person is engaged, they can no longer be considered a plus one and they are a package deal. A married couple isn’t even a question.

[@gemeroperiddle9462]

@@cc1526 I think it might have been good if the OP of this story would have mentioned where she lived to get some perspective of what should be considered normal. In many countries, boy/girlfriends, fiancés and spouses alike are usually considered unwanted at weddings unless they're also friends with the couple, in which case they'd be invited on their own already anyways. I was rather confused about why all the rules stated here were supposedly outrageous, because they're regular wedding etiquette where I live. (Germany, but the same applied for the few other countries in Europe and Asia I've lived in). At my own wedding, no-one attended whom I and my now-husband weren't friends with, or in the case of family hadn't met before. Doesn't matter if they're engaged or married. I didn't even need to ask my guests lol. It's just an unspoken rules of politeness to not bring people the bride and groom don't both know! Allowing plus-one invites is very rare and usually only happens at big-budget weddings.

[@jtidema]

@@cc1526 I agree, in the US, if you invite one, you invite both...

[@worlddomination92]

That fiance with the female best friend, oh no mam, he has to go. He does have a responsibility for inviting toxicity into the relationship and then defending it!

[@cezarblack13]

GOOD LOVE PEOPLE never need to apologize to WRONG AND HATE! NEVER! #periodt

[@anthonystike6034]

Cousin's FIANCÉE is NOT a relative of the BRIDE, yet! If the ceremony requires the relatives, the fiancée is not included in the parameters.

[@milumalayil948]

@@dalpz205 she's talking about the Indian wedding, not the one with rules for +1

[@adelest9500]

@@dalpz205 I think this comment was about the first story with fiancee pushing out cousin from a ceremony, and you're talking about the second story with no plus one.

[@dalpz205]

@@milumalayil948 Ahh.. That's what I get for applying the topic I remember most. I'll just delete my post. Thanks!

[@dalpz205]

@@adelest9500 Yup I totally was.

[@dalpz205]

Sorry Anthony. I mixed up stories on you.

[@dawnmichelle4403]

In the first story, I feel like the fiancee's girlfriend basically took over the maid of honor role. I can't imagine anyone having the gall to do that! And *never* apologize for doing nothing wrong.

[@melrobertson2743]

She didn't want to build the relationships with the family over time, she wants to be front, center and important NOW

[@amandaa5249]

In the last story when it said that they had a little break and reconciled, we all know that Rachel filled that position quickly. Then the fiance set boundaries with her when he wanted to get back with the OP. That's when Rachel really stepped up her game.

[@kmajors]

I can't believe the second bride was surprised that she was receiving many "regrets" to her invitation. I would never attend an event where my wife was not invited. The same is true when the wedding party is required to spend more than they are comfortable with and then get upset when they decline to be in the wedding.

[@sabinewinkler9457]

I love your videos🥔 today the drums in the background drove me nuts

[@lisajean228]

Honestly, I didn’t notice the drums until I read your comment…lol😂

[@cooperotoole6131]

Omg the drumming in the background!

[@bethneumann87]

I absolutely love your channel, @Charlotte Dobre!!! I watch you everyday and I love the AITA stories! I have to be totally honest though, if you don't mind, that the drum music in the background almost made me end the video early lol. Maybe it's just me because I tend to be sensitive to sound but the contrasting drove me absolutely bonkers 😰 It felt like listening to 2 radio stations at once. Just wanted to give feedback and also say I hope you continue doing these stories because they are awesome and so are you! ❤❤❤

[@rkoncenasupporter]

the last story makes me think of all those stories of men with nightmare mother in laws who overstep their boundaries and don't accept the wife, this bestie is basically the same way, OP DON'T marry him, especially if he's putting other people before you when he's going to marry YOU, run and run FAST

[@AngelJuliet]

The music in the background of this videos is killing me 😂. Glad she got rid of that mess

[@414rl]

I love your vids I set my breaks by it 😍🥰🥰😍 but the drums in the backround were killing me today

[@kathleenramseyer8260]

Does anyone else hear drumming in the background of this video?? I would love to just listen to Charlotte!

[@TheScapegoat420]

You're right! Sometimes an apology is NOT in the works.

[@lista2308]

I read the update on Rachel before the post was deleted. OP's fiance wisened up (after OP showed him the replies to her post) and dumped her like the hot garbage she is. And the wedding was lovely

[@fulliewolfie]

Good for them!

[@can_b_crazywerid]

I thought OP broke up with her fiance and he and Rachel got together afterwards. At least this is what I read in a comment above from Cassandra Muthleb. Which I hope is true because that fiance did not fully care and love OP otherwise he would have stood up for his bride-to-be and said no to Rachel and set firm boundaries. I wouldn't want to be with a guy who was like that. To people like Rachel you are free to like whoever you like, and it's good that you're protective of your friend, but there's a point where it's no longer protecting and it turns into something like a helicopter parent. If you're in love with your best friend, but they don't feel the same way, you as Elsa says let it go. Swallow your pride and either be happy and supportive of your friend or you leave.

[@blueberrycupcake5144]

What? Other comments are saying that they broke up and he ended up with his best friend Rachel. I already tried to search the story on reddit. But i can't find it. Whats now the truth?

[@lista2308]

@@blueberrycupcake5144

[@lista2308]

@@can_b_crazywerid I heard this story first on Mark Narrations with the update. Rachel is becoming a common alias for homewreckers thou. I have also heard similar stories to this where the couple breaks up

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

Gotta love when the bride says, "these are my rules, take it or leave it," and then they get mad when the person leaves it!

[@KansasCityScientologyAudit]

The Groomswoman- I yelled F NO at the exact same time you deed, without the bleep. My cats are now confused what they did wrong! 🐈😂🐈😂