Am I Control Freak? Unmasking Autism

I have inhabited this term of 'control freak' or being labelled as 'controlling' as part of who I am for my whole life. Looking at it through the lens of autism, I am starting to see that it is not a need to control others, but a way of seeking safety. If I can control what is going on, then I can control how to feel, and therefore perhaps less anxious. However, it is a lot to think about and I am only just starting to explore this. Feeling like I need to control situations is exhausting and I'm so tired.
Thank you so much for watching my videos, I really appreciate the comments and sharing, they help me a lot too, and I hope others are feeling helped as well.

[@Hermitthecog]

Same. It's amazing how universally people resent any change/disruption that doesn't immediately benefit themselves never mind the specific benefits it may provide us as neurodivergents. In terms of maintaining order for our own sake, designating a dedicated space for oneself may help; by limiting responsibility to "your" space, it conveys the message that one is not responsible for everyone else's disorder and affirms that a refuge is necessary for oneself.

[@beautifullifesageg.3951]

Raising my hand VERY HIGH. Me me me me. Thank you. 💕🙏

[@khadijahahmed1970]

its exactly the same with me but with food smells. when my mum cooks the whole house fills with food smells which makes me feel anxious and overwhelmed. i try behaviours that stop this smell- telling them to shut doors etc, but as long as i know the smell is there i feel incredibly anxious and feel a sense of 'loss of control' until i can get rid of it. it's kinda just holding my anxiety in until she finishes cooking, we finish eating and cleaning and i can burn some incense to get rid of the smell. then i can feel calm after that. they think i;m exagerrating cause its more recently caused me uncontrollable rage, my siblings no longer talk to me and i lock myself in my room for comfort. the past few weeks i thought i was probably suffering from covert npd which made me depressed and hate myself, then i came across 'the big bang theory' and realised sheldon (whose autistic) had an obsession with creating schedules for his life and sticking to them in order to operate, i realised that's exactly me, which makes me think what if i'm just autistic and not this evil and horrible person whose exagerrating smells?

[@TheGreatReveal]

Keep reading and learning about autism, there is so much you have written in here that indicates smell sensitivity. There's nothing wrong with that, you are allowed to have that sensitivity. And thank you so much for sharing.

[@davidrichards9898]

I am 58. Definitely controlling. Worried about narcis aspect. Lovely wife who survives me. Diag adhd and self diag autistic. I find I can only get anything by hyoer fixating on it. I liken starting a task to jumping in freezing water. Once I'm in it is okay. And the intense effort prevents hypothermia (i know, totally scientifically incorrect - this is an allegory 😂). So my autist side needing neatness, safety and control is constantly at war with my adhd side that is frozen in the corner at times. It is 2 type of overwhelms at war with each other at the worst times as its not always this debillitating. Also it doesn't differentiate between things I want to do and things I don't. In fact I often enjoy the mundane and stress the enjoyable. There is the task starting me and the task executing me. I am almost certain the adhd side is restricted by fear of failure. Being incapable. I can make easy 3 step tasks impossible in my head. Or write complicated computer programs over many days, effortlessly although any pause may lead to restart issues. I am also so tired of this. Life is hard. Not what it throws at me. I am extremely fortunate. But I feel like a steeple chaser building my own obstacles to then have to clear them.

[@tracirex]

im guessing you are not narcissistic and you are not a control freak. I've read that it's very rare that autists are narcs. usually we are extra empathetic even if we don't show it in a neurotypical way. trying to control is our way of trying to decrease uncertainty. keep doing what you are doing if it works for you and your family. people calling you a freak of any kind is abusive. as a fellow autist, I can say that trying to keep myself comfortable is worth the time and effort. embrace your efforts to control.

[@TheGreatReveal]

I like that, embrace my efforts to control. I think that will take practice, especially to allow myself not to feel like I'm wrong.