Explaining the Chaotic Disaster of MADAME WEB

[@AmandaTheJedi]

While Madame Web can see the future, I also can. I know that when you use Code JEDI to sign up for Surfshark at surfshark.deals/jedi - you're gonna love it. In fact, you can even get an extra 3 months free.

[@jacobd1984]

Still can’t believe Sony sent Dakota Johnson out to seduce audiences into watching this film as a promotional move. But from what I hear about the movie, I suppose they had to throw everything at the wall marketing wise.

[@jeremymain7303]

The screen writers have said that they set the movie in 2003 entirely so they could use the song Toxic.

[@samuelgilmore8789]

If he survived getting hit with a whole ass ambulance but dies by a sign falling?. Not only that if she's blind how the fuck can she see the future. I'm legally blind and that's one of the most offensive things I've ever seen in movie. Stupid me I always thought you needed eyes to see smh

[@warsolender1077]

what about shadow hunters?

[@bulbafett5001]

My Favorite Spider Family member is finally on Screen...how they butchered my poor Anya. Freaking Arana (I can't do the accent marks) was a badass comic with the spider totems and all that fun stuff. I'm glad Marvel killed off the MC2 Timeline, would be horrifiied what they'd do to Mayday parker.

[@langleymneely]

Dakota Johnson firing her representation and jumping agencies the same day the one and only trailer released says so much!

[@tthewizard7667]

she thought she was about to be in a MCU film LOLLLL

[@Ashbrash1998]

​@@tthewizard7667I bet money that they pitched it that way to hed

[@bigbearkat2010]

@@tthewizard7667yeah it sounds like the Sony casting department thrives on that marketplace confusion

[@agnieszkaadamkiewicz4747]

I must admitt I don't get IT - it's still better than 50 shades

[@JoeJoe-lq6bd]

@@tthewizard7667 I guarantee you she didn't. You think that actors in Hollywood haven't been talking about the details of the biggest paycheck in movies for years?

[@pyretta5629]

How is it 2024 and these people still don't get that the antagonist needs to be just as substantial as the protagonist? If the villain sucks, odds are the story does too.

[@bigbearkat2010]

I imagine they treat the villain as secondary because the hero is the one any kind of franchise foundation needs to be built on. The problem is they become so focused on the fruits they think a franchise will bring, they forget to put proper effort into the labor.

[@Syntox]

I imagine these screenwriters even went to schools that charged them thousands of dollars to teach them this

[@asteridshydrangea-jt2hf]

@@bigbearkat2010and then the exact opposite happens in horror franchises a bunch, where they only care about the face on the poster and don’t understand that the foils for the big bad monster are often what made the original film impactful

[@ThomasdWell]

there are these people in suits, that have never taken a writing class in their life and somehow get to tell those that may even have degrees in writing that a character needs to be a certain way because a blind polling suggested it was popular with 19-27 age demographic.

[@iheartbusterk82]

I mean I’d argue that nearly every MCU villain is paper thin. I mean can anyone say much about the villains in Thor Dark World or Iron Man 2? With the Sony Spidey-less Spideyverse, you really don’t get much that’s better. Honestly, with the Spiderverse movies are the only ones that seem to get that.

[@michaelnoonang9207]

Some people don’t remember the movie World War Z when Brad Pitt used the noise from a Pepsi vending machine to lure all the zombies to be blown up and thus saving the world, all while he drank a refreshing can of Pepsi in slow motion, and it shows

[@wajmgirl]

That movie memory ranks up there with the highway scene from final destination 2.

[@titheproven954]

OMG I had blocked that memory from my mind. I have seen that movie twice and had to look up that scene b/c I apparently had to block the trauma.

[@murciadoxial8056]

you are mixing up two scenes from the ending of the movie, but you are right about one thing, brad pitt used a pepsi vending machine to distract a bunch of zomibes... but not before taking a can and drinking some pepsi

[@titheproven954]

@@murciadoxial8056 To be fair the vibe is the same no matter what. An office vending machine that ONLY sells Pepsi saves the world.

[@murciadoxial8056]

@@titheproven954 it is even funnier than that, the moment when the world is saved and the solution is discovered happens BEFORE THE PEPSI MOMENT, pitt saving the world has NOTHING to do with pepsi, the pepsi moment in world war z is brad pitt stopping in the middle of a hallway, in an area full of zombies, to drink a pepsi

[@ladygaygay94]

Dakota Johnson’s trifecta of enemies: limes, Ellen DeGeneres, and whoever told her to sign up for this movie

[@wwanca3771]

i would add her acting as an enemy for her and us but yeah

[@karenprime3849]

@@wwanca3771 & maybe her lack of personality

[@Kaastengels]

"They're trying to kill you!!!" She said, calmly

[@jerelmerrill7100]

Limes?

[@TheInvisibleShadow95]

Damn, E.L. James didnt even make the top 3! That's gonna piss her off lol

[@AaronLockman]

Dakota Johnson both looks and acts like she does not believe a single word that has ever come out of her mouth

[@Meanie74]

I seriously recommend looking up her family’s history bc “raised by lions” is not a figure of speech when it comes to them. “Catty” to the extreme

[@NJGuy1973]

She should run for Congress.

[@moara4144]

Dakota's acting ranges from "bored to be acting in this movie" to "chagrined to be acting in this movie"

[@thegreenjellybean77]

I remember this from that Danny Gonzalez video 😂 ​@@Meanie74

[@tasmapittock5680]

She'd be awful in an emergency

[@hi_there1239]

"take on the responsibility and great power will come" is giving a student being told to rewrite the answer in their own words

[@tlahmed]

LOL. So true

[@madammisha]

Accurate af 😂

[@gnocchidokey]

"mitochondria are the cell's power station"

[@hi_there1239]

@@gnocchidokey reading that took 5 years off my life lol

[@chicks417]

"Dakota isn't playing chess... She's playing battleship" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@ThwipThwipBoom]

lol

[@wyattangle]

My favorite line!

[@Lex_brooke]

"Her powers let her see the future" y'know, like spiders do

[@TupocalypseShakur]

It kinda makes sense in the comics, for Julia Carpenter that is, not Cassandra Webb

[@tanvidesai7004]

why does this sound so john mulaney coded omg

[@stephengrigg5988]

Are bats detectives or something?

[@chrisperry4014]

@@stephengrigg5988nah, introverted, hyper-traumatized, billionaire men with a strong sense of moral justice and deep rooted fear of failure and inability to protect loved ones that leads to multiple distanced relationships and estranged wives and children who happen to be assassins in an ancient league of murder zealots do.

[@icedcapplord710]

"I'm tired of you, and your riddles, and your lessons, and your SUPREME arrogance! Don't you ever, EVER enter my life again. Do you hear me? DO YOU HEAR ME!?" - Peter Parker to Cassandra Webb, 1996

[@Victor-qx3vx]

Exactly the first scene that always comes to my mind when I think of Madame Web.

[@zacharybosley1935]

and yet, he fought the Ultimate Enemy on her behalf, and she helped him find MJ in the end. Spider-Man has always chafed against authority figures, but that doesn't make Madame Web's Insight less than valuable.

[@AKATenn]

@@zacharybosley1935 yeah, like everyone hates paying taxes, but they benefit so much from having things like roads and powerlines, and civilization.

[@wise_girl9388]

Yeah, when they first announced that they were doing a Madame Web movie, my brain automatically went to the Spidey animated series from the '90s. Suffice it to say, I was thoroughly confused by all of the decisions made by Sony regarding the character. And okay, I get it, they couldn't make her "comic" accurate due to not having the rights to mutants but they still could have made it more akin to the Spider-Man animated series. It's been a while since I've watched it, but I'm pretty sure there was no reference to her being a mutant made at any point of the show, which is why I was surprised when I looked up the character and found out she was a mutant. I thought she was just another spider person what the name and get-up and the whole seemingly magical spider-webs connecting her to all of the things.

[@robertdascoli949]

"Madam web, you can't escape me. I'LL CHASE YOU TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH!"

[@gwengrasso1887]

I have no idea why they chose to make a Madam Web movie when they have the rights to SILK, a much more popular and interesting character that can stand independently from Spider-Man

[@valentinegonsalves7322]

No one outside the room understands what exactly SONY has the rights to. Its hilarious to watch them be able to say "Ben Parker" and "Mary", but they cannot say "Spider-Man", or "Aunt May" or "Peter".

[@bigbearkat2010]

I vaguely remember it being thrown around as a possibility during their ASM universe attempt when they tried making an Aunt May spinoff a thing but I guess when they scrapped that, they threw the baby out with the bath water.

[@fuzzyapple]

​@@valentinegonsalves7322sony owns the movie rights to spider-man and all characters directly tied to or originating from him. They could produce their own spider-man movies if they wanted. They could even use Tom Holland if his contract was still standing. And as long as they keep producing movies using that IP, they will keep the rights. No matter how abysmal those are.

[@christopherflux6254]

You probably knew this already, but Silk is going to be in future Spider-Man video games.

[@IzidioAlex]

Wait for El Muerto

[@intern_dana]

complaints about her 90's wardrobe crack me up because it was *2003;* not only had that decade *just* ended, most adults don't renew their whole wardrobes that often. especially then when clothes actually lasted longer than a year (i say as if i wasn't 5 in 2003 lol)

[@iheartbusterk82]

The fast turnover in wardrobes is very much a new thing. People would absolutely be wearing stuff from the late 90s in the early 00s, unless they were kids and thus growing out of things.

[@Ashbrash1998]

Heck changes whole wardrobe is something for people who have money to burn. A lot of people just research stuff until it's just string

[@203207ab]

I heard that the jacket she is wearing is actually something she got from her mom but I could be wrong. Somehow it was handed down to her. I heard this from another online review about what she was wearing. Again, I don't know if it was true. I remember those times and the clothing was not noticeably different from the late 1990s to the early 2000s. In other words you couldn't tell the difference. So I'm not sure why anyone or how anyone would focus on that. In fact it looks generic and something that could even be worn today.

[@beetlebob4675]

As someone who was 13 in 2003, I can say this is absolutely correct lol Additionally, I still have a Daytona Florida tank top from our only Disney trip in 1999, but that's a different thing, maybe?😂

[@persephone210]

​@@203207abyeah we classify clothes by decade but the divide is never that obvious while it's actually happening and there's a lot of overlap when it comes to regular people and not celebrities/people who can constantly afford the latest trends

[@erikdaniels0n]

Madame Web is genuinely the most fun I’ve had at a movie in YEARS. It was so awful, but I had the absolute time of my life watching it. I felt like I reached bad movie enightenment while watching it

[@beomcheolkim8543]

This is, consistently, the only praise I've been seeing for the movie: either it's just a horrendously bad movie, or a movie that's so bad that it's hilarious. Is there an award category for this in the Razzies?

[@jcorona5457]

I agree with this statements … watching the reviews than watching the movie is the way to go!!

[@cooldragon1990]

One of the Twitch Streamers I watched said that exact thing about Morbious. He LOVED it.. Saw it an excessive amount of times and even streamed reaction times.. He had the ultimate time of his goddamn life

[@stacikins]

​@@cooldragon1990 Was it Platy?

[@cooldragon1990]

@@stacikins yes it was.. small world..

[@lynpotter6471]

The biggest surprise for me is that the people who wrote Morbius were given another chance.

[@simont390]

They weren't, they were hired before morbius came out

[@MsTriangle]

They are cheap and easy to manipulate

[@lordpelagius5078]

@@simont390 explain how they got a job after gods of egypt

[@davidgonzales720]

I saw the movie. When Cassie goes to the Amazon, out of that vast expanse of jungle, within seconds she finds the precise location where her mother's thirty-year-old photograph was taken.

[@nicolevt1646]

I literally cringed 😂 and how did she get a ticket and fly out so quickly? That’s not even how it works 🤣

[@bobalicious2696]

@@nicolevt1646 Did she travel without a passport? 'Cause those things take awhile.

[@stormstereo]

Not to mention the spidey-guy that helped her mom birth her was just there waiting for her at that same moment.

[@violet_saint]

Jaime French also pointed out that Cassie's technically a fugitive so how did she even get past airport security?

[@demonpaw11]

@@nicolevt1646 this movie makes so many questionable choices that it completely took me out of the movie-watching experience: -In the subway scene, why is the villain walking on the ceiling instead of just running very fast to catch the non-powered teenaged girls? -Why have that opening scene of how Cassandra was born if they were just going to show us the exact same thing again when she went to the cave? -How can she afford not only that apartment but a ticket to and from Peru (and a spur of the moment purchase no less) on an EMT's salary in NYC? -How did she even get passed airport security when she's a wanted woman, ESPECIALLY in NYC only 2 years after 9/11? -Why is Cassandra given a characterization as someone who is an EMT, really good at her job, wants to save people, but then she can't be fucked when it comes to literally saving the lives of 3 teenage girls who are being targeted by a crazed psycho killer? These are just ones I thought of off the top of my head. I'm sure I could remember more if I thought about it, but I try not to think about what a waste of time this movie was for me to sit through.

[@girostade5477]

you know what's funny ? I didn't even pick up on the fact the that Ben was Ben Parker, the Ben Parker, I thought it was just a reference to his role in parc and rec... ahhahahahaa

[@Ashbrash1998]

To be fair he looks like a ben

[@tuckershuff1441]

I can see this movie turning into this generation's 'Catwoman 2004'. Just something so infamous for being so dang bad that it lasts forever.

[@Dracon7601]

I feel like that's morbius though, this one will probably just fizzle out though cause I don't think it's nearly weird enough. Although both main characters do get their powers after near death experiences.

[@26349]

at least catwoman had some plot, and the small kid me enjoyed the fights and the suits, which in madam web there was a collective three seconds of in her visions of the future which means - none😭😂

[@tuckershuff1441]

@@Dracon7601 10/10 movie if a magic spider burped life gas into Dakota Johnson's mouth.

[@HeyWeiiHey]

Don't mock catwoman like that.. Nothing in this movie can beat the goofiness of Halle berry slipping thru jail bar..

[@valentinegonsalves7322]

Yeah, but even Catwoman is still better because it had Halle Berry in a Catwoman costume. This movie has no superheroes in it, period. And Sony dressed everyone like they hated the actors and the characters. Because these are movies being churned out only to retain the rights to characters. Not because there's good stories to be told.

[@justwonder1404]

I only watched Spiderman occasionally as a kid but Madame Web's appearances were always enigmatic and fun. I wish they had the guts to make her an actual old lady, say, living in a home, struggling with her deteriorating health and escaping into her mind where she can make a difference. That would've been a less badass but more interesting story.

[@JayJay-17]

As a New Yorker, if a man in a suit but no shoes was in the same train car as me I would probably just ignore them. It’s not really something to be alarmed by.

[@negligible_reality]

I'd for sure try to start up a conversation with him tbh. One of my favorite things ever is going out in public and talking to the strangest, most interesting, and most unhinged people I can possibly find. It leads to so many interesting stories and is really fun too.

[@JayJay-17]

@@negligible_reality Props to you 😂. I just keep to myself cause I’m not trying to get involved in nothin.

[@penguinsrbirds2]

@@negligible_reality Sure, buddy.

[@bemiatto67]

​@@negligible_reality aaand that's how you end up dead

[@lunacarolyn]

As someone living in Berlin, I fully agree. That’s just a regular Tuesday.

[@bowlerhatfilmsandreviews2778]

“When you acheive great responsability, you acheive great power” Now if Ezekiel said that line it would be a good sinister twist on the usual quote and serve to give insight into his character… but NOPE that line is delivered fully as a big heroic motivation moment. What a joke

[@valentinegonsalves7322]

There's several lines that are just rib-tearing hilarious. My favourite one is: "Who the hell flips off an ambulance?! Jeeezusss!!" This movie is a comedy. The bad guy gets run over by a taxi and an ambulance and the pesky kids get away. He dies by a falling Pepsi sign. The building is burned down and abandoned but the Pepsi sign still has electricity.

[@radhiadeedou8286]

Sounds like something from a dictator's handbook. They inverted uncle Ben's quote, making it evil

[@PixieoftheWood]

It's something I'd imagine a corporate stooge saying to try and convince you to take on more responsibilities even though they know you're not going to get jack for it.

[@jaykay6222]

"When you take on the responsibility, great power will come."

[@morgankw89]

There has to be a bubble forming. These movies keep getting phoned in, and keep bombing, and either the execs are this clueless, or there is some serious chicanery going on behind the scenes. It sucks, because if the other shoe drops, a lot of regular people will lose their jobs.

[@jasminewilliams1673]

I’m thinking it’s well on purpose, look guys women, superheros…it’s impossible oh well let’s keep remaking these 10 male properties!

[@valentinegonsalves7322]

That's because these are movies being made only to retain character rights. Not because there's any good story or ideas to play with.

[@Frawst_]

​@@jasminewilliams1673that makes no sense since multiverse of madness, love and thunder and Antman 3 were all mocked by the audience too

[@radhiadeedou8286]

​@@jasminewilliams1673no that's not it, they're the ones pushing female superheroes, there was no demand

[@radhiadeedou8286]

​@@valentinegonsalves7322why would anyone care about the character rights to madame web or morbius

[@YogurtNight_]

Morbius part two, it’s webbing time

[@tarantulasarecool]

lol that’s funny! 😄 😅

[@KhanMann66]

Don’t jinx it

[@JJRedy]

The movie was much better than morbius lol. It was pretty bad but not morbius level bad

[@maube8007]

I read somewhere, "Dakota Johnson doesn't know anything about the comics or the Marvel universe!" So? She's not required to. She was hired for a job and lied to by her Agent. Sony did a terrible job making a "movie" and she got caught up in it just trying to do her career. Don't hate the player, hate the game.

[@TheArtOfLoss]

The part about Cassandra's mom researching Spiders sounds suspiciously like Jessica Drew's parents 💀 And in the comics, she was the one mentoring the Spider-Women. Sony keeps disrespecting her left and right, smh.

[@gumball2253]

it's literally the julia carpenter origin story with a few characters swapped around

[@idongesitusen5764]

Yeah.

[@Ashbrash1998]

At least she showed up in some form in the Spiderverse

[@pettyofficerdan1807]

No, Jessica was the run raised by a talking cow. And Rocket's adopted dad.

[@TheArtOfLoss]

@@pettyofficerdan1807 The Cow was false memories planted into her mind by Hydra, and her parents did work with the High Evolutionary on the project, but he didn't raise her.

[@eponymouselias]

I need Dakota Johnson and Robert Pattinson in a shitty campy movie so badly. Ideally a urban fantasy romcom where Dakota plays a vampire and Robert plays a psychic xD

[@chelktty]

My favorite part was when she flew to Peru, took a bus to the exact secluded spot in the rain forest where her mom found the most elusive spider in the world and wandered around for 5 minutes when the magic spider tribe dude just suddenly shows up.

[@Bastonikov]

If I had a dollar for every time an actor signed up for a movie with sony thinking they were getting in the MCU... 😬

[@JoeJoe-lq6bd]

You'd have no money. Nobody was tricked into thinking this was an MCU movie. Actors know the business enough that they know about the biggest film series in the world. There has been zero confirmed that anyone has said they thought they would be in an MCU film and weren't. It's an urban legend derived from some social media posts that were probably made by a social media intern.

[@tedjomuljono3052]

No they don't, case in point Bill Murray had to be in two Garfield films because he thought it was made by the Coen brothers, turns out it was Cohen instead, and it was too late for him to back out

[@genericplantlife]

​@@JoeJoe-lq6bdDidn't Matt Smith join Morbius because Karen Gillan told him how much fun it was to be in the MCU? Idk if that means he thought Morbius was MCU, but I believe it contributed to his decision.

[@JoeJoe-lq6bd]

@@genericplantlife I think he took it as "it's fun being in these superhero movies."

[@JoeJoe-lq6bd]

@@tedjomuljono3052 That's quite a bit different from not knowing about the biggest thing in Hollywood for a decade.

[@amberwolf5371]

The product placement thing reminds me of Head & Shoulders being what that kills the alien organisms in Evolution (movie from 2001). Like, I know the explanation is that one of the active ingredients in Head & Shoulders is selenium but it was still one of the most obvious product placements ever that had a huge effect on the resolution of the movie. (For the record, I think Evolution is fantastic.)

[@AmandaTheJedi]

Oh man I knew there was a very specific movie I couldn’t think of that did the same thing and this was it!

[@nuffyj8614]

« Did you ever notice how shiny and flake-free our hair is? » That movie is a masterpiece, and it’s a travesty it flopped.

[@TalentCaldwell]

@@AmandaTheJediSome other blatant examples of product placements being woven into the plot: Half the movie takes place inside a Costco (THE WATCH), a Target (CAREER OPPORTUNITIES), eBay (THE INTERNSHIP)… …A crucial macguffin is hidden inside a PapaJohns (UNCHARTED), under a KrispeeKreme (POWER RANGERS 2017), or disguised as a teddy bear participating in a choreographed dance number (in a non-musical movie) at McDonalds (MAC AND ME)… 😂

[@jesusramirezromo2037]

​@@TalentCaldwellMac and Me doesn't count, pretty sure McDonald's funded it

[@tedjomuljono3052]

Gatorade made the entire world idiots in Idiocracy And don't forget the Krispy Kreme powered Power Rangers movie, which some of the guys who worked on it, is also a part of the Madame Web staff

[@langleymneely]

Thank you for illustrating in detail the way scripts and screenwriters often work within a studio like Sony. The screenwriters are indeed responsible for having their names on some absolutely epic cinematic turds but so many people never consider how those scripts become even worse films that a studio tampers with and notes to death.

[@viciousbagel]

Funny story I didn’t actually know that her name was Cassie Web and when people said the name Cassie in reference to this movie I thought they were making a joke about Sydney Sweeney being in it

[@MarcDoesNotKnow]

the part where sydney sweeney's character yelled out "cassie" was so hilarious to me

[@dedricklewis7168]

Three years ago, i bought my daughter a Spider-Gwen full body costume. She wore it two three comic cons and two Halloweens. It was awrsome, had a zipper on the back and on the hood, she loved being able to wear it with tennis shoes. But alas, she outgrown it. Definitely one of my best purchases. The mask that came with it sucked, but we ended up getting a new one from a vendor with the mirror lenses. To be honest, I was somewhat jealous because I always wanted a full body spidey suit.😂

[@thoughtsofaleo2916]

They do sell good quality adult spider costumes if you're interested! Everyone deserves to get their own spider suit if they can get one!

[@annamariamazzola7486]

Thanks for story . Nothing to do with this horrible movie.yay❤

[@CassandraHoggins]

Just went on a second date to this movie last night. The entire theater was laughing throughout the entire movie. 10/10 theater experience.

[@Bryandan1elson]

Was waiting for this- every time the urge to see this with mine own eyes hits i would think "no, let Amanda take this bullet".

[@Jagonistdai]

She really does spare us from oh so much hahaha

[@Good.Morning.Petty.Potatoes]

At this point, Sony is the bus with its breaks cut. Who ever is butchering the writing is happily just running audience members down and calling them speed bumps.

[@A_YouTube_Commenter]

Poor Dakota. You can see she knows she messed up here. In time, she can openly admit it. She was great in "Suspiria" and "Bad Times at The Royale".

[@jasminewilliams1673]

I think she’s one of the blandest actresses in the 2020s… I’ve never seen her great in anything, seems like she downs Narcan before these performances

[@Ashbrash1998]

I'm hoping she finally just does indie movies or something to show her acting chops. Luke if it worked for the cast of Twilight..

[@bigbearkat2010]

@@Ashbrash1998and not end up like Taylor Lautner

[@caithenry8429]

She was phenomenal in suspriria! It even inspired me to watch Wounds. What a bad call her acting and the film overall were so uninteresting. A shame because the short story that inspired the film is phenomenal

[@hockeygrrlmuse]

I just don't buy that she was in all three 50 Shades movies because they spoke to her artistically and then followed it up with this for the same reason. The woman is here for the paycheck and I truly can't find it in myself to judge her for that

[@andrewklang809]

Ah, Sony. The answer to the question no one asked: "What if The Asylum had real money?"

[@tedjomuljono3052]

I dont think Asylum can make anything good even with Endgame's budget

[@victoriadealba5558]

​@@tedjomuljono3052wasn't the asylum the producing house of nation z? Yeah. Show was too campy. Liked it, but nothing good. But the producers made an amazing prequel called Black Summer. Fuck. Wasn't that amazing...

[@rachelistired]

my favorite interview is dakota and the director talking about the number of edits. she just looks done

[@rue...whenwasthis]

i loved this movie, it was pure camp, ramming into him not ONCE but TWICE?!?!? It was great, also, what did people expect from a main character who can see the future? The whole movie was basically going to be one giant version of the fake final fight between the cullen and the volturi in BD part 2

[@tmntaddict]

In honor of this occasion, I have prepared a list of terrible jokes: -stop pulling our strings, Amanda -I've got a web to pick with you -are you calling us web-heads? -the film moves so badly it's like it's got webbed feet -you got me webbin' out -look, up in the sky! It's a web! -Dakota's head is full of cobwebs -the movie's got more bugs than talent -the itsy-bitsy spider crawled up the rotten scores -the ADR makes you feel bitten by something radioactive P.S. Any analogy that shits on a crappy studio and/or movie is 👌.

[@teppeiando]

yep those are terrible, you told no lie

[@cringusmoss9937]

It's webbin' time.

[@murciadoxial8056]

I love these, thank you so much

[@tmntaddict]

@@murciadoxial8056 You're welcome! I love that they're appreciated. 🤗

[@Gigachadbased-p34]

I saw a comment that had me in stitches: Villain: this is none of your business! MW: I'm making it Madame business!

[@nailinthefashion]

0:10 thank god you addressed this right off the bat cuz ghost spider is one of my fave characters and you delivered her variant in live action before Sony or Marvel could lmao that’s just wild

[@bobjenko]

And just like in Madame Web the suit promptly disappears after the first time it's shown, never to be seen again.

[@GossamerGhoul]

@@bobjenko Amanda had a vision that it was going to choke her in the future, so she dealt with it

[@vangosito]

"you can't out-arañas him physically" i hated that i loved that

[@elenabe4718]

I once watched an Argentinian telenovela (which I think everyone should watch) where the characters discovered things in the first 30 episodes, then the same characters rediscovered the same things in the next 30 episodes. It's called Padre Coraje, and it still should be available on youtube

[@minirth.maggie]

Wait, what? Had they forgotten everything? Was it an alternate timeline for the second half of the series? How did this work???

[@elenabe4718]

@@minirth.maggie I have no idea, I was very confused because I knew we already had that information. My guess is that they had to make 180 episodes and were too progressed with the plot so they had to slow it down 😂 They hadn't exactly forgotten, but they still acted shocked to find out the same thing they had already found out. Like, that was confirmation at that point, yet they reacted as if it was the first time

[@TalentCaldwell]

@@elenabe4718Will Ferrell made a hilarious movie poking fun of that kind of overdramatized theatrics within Telenovelas. I think it was called CASA DE MI PADRE. He learned Spanish specifically for this film so 95% of it is all in Spanish.

[@elenabe4718]

@@TalentCaldwell I'll definitely check it out! Thanks!!

[@elenabe4718]

@@TalentCaldwell back to tell you I have watched Casa de mi padre. I'm now recommending it to everyone I know

[@BenChanNYC]

In terms of product placement that affected the plot, I'd say Shazam 2's "Taste the Rainbow" moments (plural - they did it twice!) were pretty bad.

[@bigbearkat2010]

Personally I keep thinking back to Krispy Creme in Power Rangers

[@mggardiner4066]

I feel like this was the stuff The Boys were parodying with the Fresca and Almond Joy use

[@SuperPal-tr3go]

These are guilty pleasures because they make the audience feel like geniuses by how obviously bad they are. It's like the opposite of pretentious films.

[@bridgettemeruelo7836]

As a native New Yorker, the Pepsi sign is less ridiculous than it seems. it’s a landmark vintage sign iconic to queens right over the east river😅 so not strictly product placement

[@waltascher]

But it definitely was product placement based on how many times Pepsi and Frito-Lay products appear throughout the movie.

[@guaranteedtopwn]

no, it IS strictly product placement, that simply means it isn't fantastical and anti-reality

[@THE_Dodge_Morningstar]

😂"The facial matches are entirely based on what he remembers them looking like in his head..." That line hit me funny. You can imagine a conversation "Wait, how will *masked faces* from his *dreams* work in the software?" Everyone in the room staring at each other, before someone is like "Eff it, it's fine. It doesn't matter... None of this matters"

[@valentinegonsalves7322]

How did they even do that? Was there some crazy quantum computer he plugged his brain into? Did she sit with a sketch artist that work around Central Station drawing realistic, lif-like portraits for tourists? They never explain it. Also, this movie suggests that the NSA has AI people are using to paint clothes off in 2024. De-aging is not that hard. But damn, they're wearing masks and she presses a button and the computer paints the masks off. Wtf?

[@madokami03]

@@valentinegonsalves7322not to mention, this movie takes place in 2003, before smartphones were even a thing 💀

[@talic-os5899]

I have been so comfortable with taking my time to get to a movie, because of the 20 minutes of ads and trailers, that I would feel legit betrayed if the decided to not show trailers before the movie.

[@gabe_20xx]

I didnt know the actors thought this was part of the mainline marvel franchise 😂

[@Spartain14]

Their agents straight up led them on and never explained the difference. I think it’s a new warning to actors to do your own research.

[@bigbearkat2010]

@@Spartain14I just assumed Sony gives them a kickback so their clients don't ask questions

[@blueberriestea]

Why didn't they google it for curiosity 😭😭😭

[@badbabybear1]

they live in a bubble and do this for money, i doubt they follow all this stuff as closely as we do

[@drtaverner]

Sony makes the _"What If..."_ films we don't deserve.

[@caithenry8429]

I need to speak my truth: I don't get the Dakota Johnson hype. Suspiria was the only interesting character she's played that isn't quiet yet sarcastic brunette (potentially just her personality??) so fingers crossed her new agents can find roles with range.

[@MrMusicKid87]

Same, I think she seems like a nice and odd person (in a complimentary way) but her acting is so wooden I’m l absolutely sure nepotism and the 50 Shades weight keeps getting her roles.

[@iheartbusterk82]

She was in a comedy with Nat Faxon like 8 years ago that she was funny and super charming it that essentially made me a fan. I think that she’s been stuck in projects that don’t really fit her, like this and the godawful 50 Shades movies.

[@Ashbrash1998]

I think some of it has to do with a couple of gems and who she is personally but also because she keeps getting such dog movies. Like I'm hoping something changes

[@dylankennedy6020]

I feel like there are so many actors that are talented but insufferable and just seem like the worst people and Dakota Johnson is the opposite. She isn't very good and picks the worst roles, but she seems like a good person. Like if Keanu Reeves was a person

[@mona9008]

Same! She plays the same character over and over again. And it is her real life personality. I'll believe she can act when she gets broader roles.

[@shainewhite2781]

This movie bombed so hard, Sony has reportedly cancelled any sequels to the film.

[@Gchildwarrior]

It's so cute that they thought people wanted more

[@bigbearkat2010]

@@Gchildwarriorthey've been making this mistake for the last decade

[@Gchildwarrior]

Totally looking forward to El Muerto.... A complete stranger of a Spiderman villain 🤣

[@jasonpeet6198]

Not true they're still have ideas for a sequel

[@bigbearkat2010]

​@@jasonpeet6198and I'm willing to wager not a single one of them makes it past the drawing board after the dunking the first movie has taken the last couple weeks

[@langleymneely]

As a comic fan Im so mad that Sony has wasted so many Spider related characters on top of wasting talented actors in some of the worst performances of their career. The 3 Spider-women in this film have so much more potential as characters than this. Sydney Sweeney has been on my short list as a potential Black Cat getting between Tom Hollands Spidey & Zendayas MJ and seeing her relegated to this nonsense is so sad. At least Isabela Merced has Hawkgirl in Superman Legacy?

[@bigbearkat2010]

Right? Everyone is (understandably) laughing at Dakota Johnson's bad career move but Sydney Sweeney had actual career momentum in her favor for this one that gets completely wasted.

[@MotherNature43]

@@bigbearkat2010 I think Sydney will be fine though. 'Anyone But You' did really good and she has a bunch of other work lined up but this will be a big dent in an otherwise pretty good discography.

[@laylamorrison9596]

This is gonna become the "Showgirls" of superhero movies somewhere down the road and I'm all here for it.

[@amanul_2474]

I loved the part when Morbius said to the 11th Doctor "they are finally Morbing! They are Webbers now!" And Matthew Smith says 'Webber? I hardly know her!' And the credits roll to an Ice Spice song 🔥

[@lefton4ya]

Power Rangers had the same egregious product placement for movie climax where they had to fight over a Kristy Kreme, but that was so over the top it was legitimately hilarious, with Elizabeth Banks as Rita Repulsa saying “Kristy Kreme” maniacally

[@cheezybastard8661]

Between the press interviews and her line delivery of this hot mess of a film I think my love for Dakota Johnson has solidified. This film is terrible. Dakota is a delight.

[@bigbearkat2010]

I'll admit I don't really know how I feel about her as an actress but her interviews can be comedy gold.

[@constancesirbu1481]

I just feel so sorry for Tahar Rahim, the man is very talented and recently entered some more international projects, I hope this isn't the end of it, the man is a french national treasure 😭

[@veronicamaine3813]

The daily bugle is released 3 times a day (I know because I asked a similar question about the paper when I was in university discussing Spider-Man in English lit - it was a great time!).

[@trinaq]

I enjoyed seeing Adam Scott as future Uncle Ben, I honestly wish that they'd given him more to do. I also felt that they sidelined the three girls at point, and they never got to actually become Spiderwomen. And don't even get me started on that cringy table dance...

[@shinigamiseanphoenix]

And the fact that the director of madame web also had the guts to say giving the three spiderwomen (Julia Anya & Mattie) origins in the movie would have been greedy is stupid to say when they have great origin stories in the comics

[@Mario_Angel_Medina]

The most 2003 moment in the film is when one of the girls says she has a cellphone and the other two are surprised... Also, after a while watching the film I started to expect a J. Jonah Jameson cameo, like he has a close encounter with this evil wallcrawler and that's why years later he's convinced that Spider-man is a menace. Another thing I expected, a post-credit scene of Ezekiel's spider being delivered to Oscorp

[@bigbearkat2010]

1:14- Didn't Krispy Creme serve as a major plot point in that last Power Rangers movie?

[@TheAngelicTrickster]

Thinking the same thing

[@kunglaoshat1250]

Yeah Power Rangers were absolutely shameless

[@pyrosianheir]

Yes. Yes, it did. And it was hilarious.

[@jesusramirezromo2037]

Same writters too

[@bigbearkat2010]

@@jesusramirezromo2037I saw that too but they're only credited for the "story" so for that one I'll put the pitchfork away

[@sophiastargazer]

Maybe it's the nostalgia warping my perception, or the fact that I'm a sucker for all things vampire, but I remember liking Dracula Untold.

[@douglasauclair3086]

Every other reviewer played it straight. I like that you had fun with this movie and this review! :D

[@khandimahn9687]

I think this was the most positive review possible. Most others say it's bad. Just bad. But you say it's so bad it's good.

[@elena_1776]

Omg I kind of love Dakota Johnson haha also the fact that all the actors apparently thought they were in a Marvel movie is both hilarious and painful

[@trinaq]

"It's Madame Webbing time!" I love your introduction and costume, Amanda. I don't think that I'll bother watching this movie, the KZbin reviews are far more entertaining! 📺😉🍿

[@FatimaMarques0890]

C'mon, Dakota wasn't invested in this movie at all. She knew it was crappy but she most likely wanted to have "the superhero breakthrough" as it turns out it wasn't what she expected therefore the enthusiastic press run! And as a Mexican... What the heck is Jose Maria Yazpick doing in this movie???

[@bigbearkat2010]

Honestly her interviews remind me of when she faked enthusiasm for limes in that house tour video. Like it has the same energy of clearly being bullshit but also giving the viewer second hand embarrassment.

[@Ashbrash1998]

I wouldn't be surprised of she signed on thinking that it would be something bigger and realized too late and couldn't get out of her contract.

[@FatimaMarques0890]

@@bigbearkat2010 Agreed

[@FatimaMarques0890]

@@Ashbrash1998 Absolutely. And I was searching and getting out of a Hollywood contract (or any, really) it's so damn complicated and EXPENSIVE!!

[@skilledwarman]

I really like the Mr Sunday Movies theory that this was originally meant to be set in the 90s. Im sure his podcast segment on that will be turned into a standalone video so I recommend checking that out

[@jacearmor5274]

It would make sense. I commented under New Rockstars video that it doesn't make sense for anewspaper to be sent out in the evening, someone in the comments informed me that turns out back in the '90s, they sent newspapers out in the evening!

[@skilledwarman]

@@jacearmor5274 yeah between that, some other background details, some line changes in ADR, and Mr Sunday going into some details on the soundtrack it really seems like it was originally set in the mid 90s which could possibly be a relic of this originally being I the Andrew Garfield universe which was apparently a plan at one point

[@jesusramirezromo2037]

Probably would have worked with Andrew's spiderman timeline

[@Saironi]

Honestly the Pepsi Cola sign in NYC is iconic. So is the Schweppes sign in Madrid. 10/¹0

[@jedmosely6423]

“A more fun Brann Stark” lmfaooo 💀💀💀

[@jedmosely6423]

30:09 ughh so accurate this is why I love your videos lol

[@jolakristin281]

Procrastinating sleep was a good idea - new Amanda video!

[@BaronVonHardcharger]

I watched this movie and honestly wondered "If you took out all the rerun scenes and just played it end to end, what would the run time be?". Feels like it doubled the length of the movie in the most confusing fashion possible!

[@devegas4910]

It would’ve been a great idea if they would’ve confirmed that Ezekiel was really Morlun who killed the real Ezekiel and has been killing spider-people, but the three who kill him in the future were among those who teamed up and managed to stop him.

[@atheethmadhavan8547]

The best part about this movie is watching all your favourite youtubers dunk on it! Thanks Amanda

[@ariannawright7586]

I think Amanda is trying to suggest it’s a perfect movie

[@OverlyPositiveFanboy]

Honestly, your description of Dakota Johnson's post-paralysis performance sounds pretty much how I would want Madame Web to be depicted.

[@swordmonkey6635]

So what you're trying to say Amanda, is the secret to not seeing Madame Web as the dumpster fire it is, is to have very very low expectations going in and forgive the bad acting as the actors buying into the camp and bad writing and... I'm getting dizzy from this spin.

[@SuperPal-tr3go]

"Hey this restaurant is pretty good if you accept you're going to be throwing up in the next few hours."

[@AmandaTheJedi]

Dumpster fires are fun it’s why everyone stops to look at them

[@OverthinkingConde]

Amazing! Someone who can review a really bad movie without equating it to the End of Time. I need to come here more often

[@scott0bailey]

Shazam 2 used Skittles to defeat the villain. Product placement

[@jasonpeet6198]

That's not what happened they used skittles to team up with the side monsters destroying the city

[@scott0bailey]

Fair.

[@rayay248]

You’re bit on how they should have excluded the first scene reminds me of CJ the X’s video on how leaving out the first 5 minutes of Tangled would have made it a better movie (though that one still is good as is), and you’re both right.

[@taylorlouise3254]

This movie was a TRAINWRECK. I loved it. Thank you as always for your hot takes. Take your time to feel better! X

[@TravisTaft]

Only product placement I can think of that was more impactful on the climax in a ridiculous way was Skittles in Shazam! 2.

[@Hethra19]

This is the only Madame Web review I was waiting for

[@CARATMom]

Thank you-because I kept asking if a NSA employee was found murdered or turned up missing wouldn’t NSA change their clearance access to the system? Or notice that their dead/missing employee was still using the system off line? And why even kill the employee?? Why couldn’t he just hack into the system with his intelligence??

[@Imbatmn57]

She was the last person id cast as a superhero. Only saw her in 50 shades, and she gave me nothing.

[@randomvideos3670]

I saw 2 sec of the trailer thinking nothing about her screams superhero and skipped the ad.

[@SimpleSlave]

Sony seems to be working on a Three-Tier system: 1. Classic - Into the Spider-Verse and Across the Spider-Verse 2. Normal - Tom Holland's Spider-Lad 3. Tax Write-offs - Venom: The Other Black Spider-Man Duology, It's Morbin Time, Madame Wept, and the soon to be released Kraving The Huntsman. Such is the Hollywood way I guess...

[@iheartbusterk82]

Classing Venom with the rest of the bad Sony Spider stuff seems harsh. They’re not great, but Tom Hardy is having a good time, which means that they at least have some funny moments.

[@SimpleSlave]

@@iheartbusterk82 I mean, I'm glad he's having fun and all but those movies are...something alright. I would just say that the shockingly brutal lack of imagination with the titular characters, villains, and set pieces coupled with the generic 00's throwaway super hero scripts is pretty indicative of a Tax Write-off. But that's just me.

[@lanalan4157]

Tom Holland Spider-Man is mcu...and he's great and they are super duper successful

[@wrurzka83]

Reasons for picking 2003- fashion resurgence of Y2K so cool teen-relevant fashions, plot-fixes based on the early 2000's tech limitations...Ehm, that is it. That is what I got: Oh wait, cool merch based on Y2K fashions. Taa Daaaaaa

[@TheDeadjam421]

This is the best vid on Madame Web I’ve seen, And I’ve watched probably about 50 so far. It was such a good experience seeing it in an empty theater too 🤣

[@Erni3K]

Glad to see you. So much energy for so... well, you gave us better than the film deserves.

[@-eight-]

“Dakota isn’t playing chess… she’s playing battleship,” made me snort 😂

[@earthiswatching]

I do understand actors mixing up Marvel movies with movies based on Marvel characters. Let's face it, Marvel isn't exactly helping by having the next MCU film feature two characters from the Fox X-Men films.

[@davevannatta985]

When I watched Night Swim i thought "well movies cant get worse than this." Well Madame Web said"Here Hold my Beer"

[@RainyDayWolf]

Hold my Pepsi 😂

[@TheBrclear66]

The only thing I know about this movie is that Sidney Sweeney was really excited about being in a suit and doing the upside down web entrance thing.

[@Thebongdigity]

Amanda, I’m sorry in advance, but somehow this video made me decide you had to be the one to make a Grey’s Anatomy recap video. You’re the one. It needs to be done. Great video lol

[@pitag397]

The Pepsi Cola sign is an iconic historical landmark and a staple of the NYC skyline (looking over into Queens) so in a way it kind of makes sense for it to be a focal point of the fight. Still product placement but not as ridiculous as you think considering the location of the scene.

[@Werewolf.with.Internet.Access]

I’m just wondering what the point of a spider evolving healing properties instead of, ya know, venom Like ouch, oh no, I’m all better..?

[@zacharybosley1935]

symbiosis. It's not impossible to believe in a fantasy setting that the spiders evolved specifically to work alongside other organisms, like wolves were domesticated, or cats domesticated themselves. It would be beyond obnoxious to have a viewer bend over backwards to make sense of a world that should've been constructed by a writer deliberately, but there's enough imagination to compensate for any number of possibilities.

[@amaamzat9913]

Dakota does this thing in her acting where I can’t take her seriously. I’m not sure if it’s her eyes, delivery or constant smiling but I can only see Dakota and I’m very much aware it’s acting. Love her tho😂

[@shainewhite2781]

Dakota Johnson regrets being in the movie, and said in an interview that the script was rewritten 10 times during filming and didn't know what the hell was going on during filming. It holds 13% on RT, 3.8/10 on IMDB, and it made $52 million dollars against a $180 million dollar budget.

[@bigbearkat2010]

Well no shit she regrets being in it, even if this was the movie she signed up for (I'm more than willing to believe it isn't), it's made her career that somehow survived 50 Shades into a joke.

[@earthiswatching]

Don't think it was still a thing in 2003, but there was definitely a period where some newspapers published in the afternoon. Can't remember it happening since the 80s, but it's an alternate world.

[@erinhaury5773]

The Daily Bugle definitely seems like the kind of rag that would still have an evening edition. 😂

[@minirth.maggie]

In the 80s our city had a morning paper (they got the big Sunday edition) and an evening paper. 2 separate papers. It seemed odd.

[@wise_girl9388]

@@erinhaury5773 Let's be real if JJJ could have people cranking papers or online articles out 24/7/365(366), he would

[@kiarya7939]

OMG WE GET SPIDER THE JEDI AGAIN!!!! ❤

[@thislycantomboy7087]

me and my friends witnessed Madame Web having forgotten it was Valentine’s Day! and frankly there were a lot of highlights but leaning over to whisper “why does that actress look like **china anne mcclain”** at the exact same unison time as my pal was pretty good. someone screaming “AGAIN?!” at the second car crash into evil Spiderman also made me choke so hard i cried.