Ambush Meetings: What to do when it happens to you | Professional communication training online

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In this professional communication training video, communication trainer Dan O'Connor discusses: Ambush Meetings: What to do when it happens to you. Do you ever feel that you're being ambushed or being ganged up on or trapped with the line of questioning that's being thrown at you, whether it's at work or home?
Find out how to answer that so that you never feel trapped again. So here's how I would answer a question that I'm not comfortable answering.
I got this question from a viewer who asked basically, what do I do? My boss likes to call me into his office with no notice. And usually there's somebody else there and they attack me. And I feel like I'm being ambushed. And they're asking me real rapid fire questions they think they have the answer to. And they're trying to kind of trap me and I get tongue tied and nervous. What should I be doing? Here's what I would say to that. Remember, as a communicator, it is always your right, always, no matter if it's at work, at home or wherever, if you do not feel comfortable answering a question, if you don't feel comfortable in the moment, if you suspect as though someone's ganging up on you or that you are being ambushed or that somebody is asking you a challenge question.
Remember, we talked about those in some of my classes, if you were with me on those. When you're asked things or asked to participate in conversations in which you do not feel comfortable, remember, it is always your right to say. I'm going to need some time to think about that, to decide how I feel or, you know, I'm not sure how I feel about that. I'm not sure if I'm comfortable answering that right now. I'm not sure if I'm comfortable engaging with you right now on the subject. I'm not comfortable telling you what went on because I can't recall it at the moment. And it is always OK. In fact, it's very effective to say why, if you feel uncomfortable, tell people that if you're uncomfortable, I'm making you uncomfortable with their line of questioning. I like to refer to things like congressional hearings or when I watch a good trial on television, C-SPAN. That's my that's my idea of a good time. And I see people answer Congress sometimes by saying things such as, you know, I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with your line of questioning. #ambushmeeting #ambushed #ambushedatwork
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And many many more
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[@doctorshell7118]

“I am not comfortable with the tone of this meeting.” I wish I had said this today. Thanks for this.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Well, Doctor, now you have it for next time :)

[@did4196]

Love this video. It took me 38 yrs to realized that I don’t have to give an explanation to everyone that asks about my personal matters or decisions. I love the great points of approach you have mentioned.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thank you di D. :()

[@miemartine2216]

@@TheWizardOfWords Thank you, for sharing your wisdom! 🐬💦

[@aramotselaw3794]

AMEN!!

[@thomasb.smithjr.8401]

I had a few experiences over the years with a former acquaintance who used this technique, largely because he knew I had no interest in speaking or seeing him ever again. You just outgrow people, only he evidently hasn't gotten the message. Or doesn't want to listen. He's like a eunuch who doesn't know he's been fired, as the saying goes. Dunno.He was/is also a bit of a boor, con/flim flam/matchstick man who probably has picked up this personality and technique from the streets. He's also a celebrity chaser and someone still trying 'to get famous himself.' At his age, I can't think of a more abysmal, futile goal. I suspect he's trying to transcend quite bit of pain with this effort. Anesthetize the suffering, as it were. But I guess it suits our times, eh ? 'Corner them so they have no way of avoiding you and the shock of the encounter will leave them speechless.' This is a hustler's skill - a type of assault without a weapon or physical violence. He will giggle and laugh about this hysterically, thinking this is all a big joke. And that, overcome, you will laugh - and forgive, too. But, no. One look in his eyes and you see the blank stare of a doll or shark staring back at you. He means to injure, to wound - in some way. But I've long since become wise to his techniques. I've seen this all before.There's no room for this loser - there's no other way to put it - in my life. He also has no way - surprise ! - of being contacted back - no iPhone, no on-line presence, no e-mail, text, et al. No known street address of any kind. Not that I would want to, of course contact him. Never have. Classic nowhere man, undoubtedly all by himself, alone. Must be perpetually on the lam, from some one or some thing. Don Draper ! LOL I sense he thinks I'm still a dope, a weirdly overaged virgin who hasn't been anywhere, knows anything. I shake my head sadly. OK, man-boy, whatever you need to tell yourself. Who's infantized now ? He still hovers, even though it's been a good FOUR DECADES PLUS since I actually knew him last. Gee, you don't suppose he wants something from me, do you ? An envy, jealousy or obsession that just won't quit ? What do I possess that he simply can't forsake ? Maybe, because we were once on speaking terms so long ago, he thinks I can give him his youth back. I can make him a boy again ! Before life happened to him and left him bruised and battered by poor choices, misfortunes and wrong detours. Hardly. Unlike Superman in the '79 film, I can't spin the earth in a counterrevolutionary orbit, much less turn the clock back. So, he's s**t out of luck there. Maybe he could consult Kelly Ripa - she seems to be getting younger and younger with every passing year - and a celebrity to boot ! And I think he knows this on some level. But, just like Fitzgerald's Gatsby, he must have that green light at the end of the dock, so he can dream of having Daisy once again in his arms ... or the classic song 'What A Fool Believes' by the Doobie Brothers, is more spot on to my thinking.This is why I hated, Hated, HATED the '80's...🤔

[@carascreatives]

I was Ambushed last week. I handled it like a boss!!!!! Thank you Mr. Dan O'Connor!! 💜💙💚❤🧡💛

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You are totally welcome, Ms. Cara Jones!

[@wisdomdantecourt8179]

Woo-hoo! This is very helpful information. I'm definitely going to use this too!

[@fazbell]

Sounds like the last 12 years of my working life. Weak management, vindictive jealous fellow employees. Technically the best job I ever had, but impossible for a number of reasons. Ambush meetings, assigning employees to your supervision who did not have to fear the consequences of insulting you or insubordination. Your videos are always helpful but they don't cover many situations. You still rock. The Iron Man of Communication.

[@Dusty338]

I'm in a similar situation myself. Nearly 10 years with my company, and I love the job but despise the toxic atmosphere. I have fallen victim to multiple ambush meetings over the years, and I wish I had the knowledge that's offered in this video a long time ago!

[@TheMAMAB123]

My in-laws used to ambush me all the time! It’s the worst kind of blindside at a time when you feel relaxed and should be enjoying yourself during the holidays. Going to no contact with them. It’s been horrible.

[@gibbyswife9218]

Kirudeniru, I'm so sorry. I can truly empathize with you. It's an awful feeling, and it steals your joy even thinking about , when it should be a happy time. Yes. I understand. That is what I have been told to do, too. You should be able to make yourself happy, and do what is best. My Heart and Blessings go out to you This Holiday Season. (You definitely are not alone in feeling this way. I hope that helps.❤.)

[@Peace-Love-Light]

Yup

[@TheWizardOfWords]

How does your spouse feel about this??

[@kellymartinez9601]

I work directly for the owner who is the ultimate narcissist, I get ambushed all the time but more like no acknowledgement of all the good things I do just the things I have failed at (normally things tossed on me I have no prior experience with) our meetings are always about what you don't do NEVER about what you do do

[@frizzlezap]

This happened to me today. So draining. Thanks for these tips!

[@phenomenalfilms]

I’ve been meeting ambushed at Facebook! And yes, it was embarrassing. I’m no longer there but two things which I’d like to find out (in future videos?): 1. Should I clean out my LinkedIn connections of those people? (Duh?) 2. How to best get over/heal from your past workplace abuse and shame for not standing up and communicating effectively and powerfully during those experiences.

[@myozbubble]

You should sell merch. I can see a tshirt saying 'I'm not comfortable with that'. :)

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Well now, I do sell merch and that's a great slogan :) :) Thanks.

[@dayc801]

Yes!

[@jennyanderson4796]

Ha ha

[@ellemmenn2930]

Yes!!! Great idea!!

[@aramotselaw3794]

Me: *dials 1-800-myozbubble* “Good evening, yes…I’d like to order a hoodie, yoga pants and booty shorts donned with aforementioned quote!!” 🙋🏻‍♀️🙌🏼🙌🏼

[@jeanlittle405]

"...it is always reasonable to set your own communication rules and boundaries..." bam! As a woman with Asperger's, I always have felt that I needed to explain myself (constantly!) and just recently learned that I don't have to. Thank you so much, Dan!!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You're welcome, Jean. I must comment that your name is Jean Little, whereas my mother has been called Little Jean her entire life. Maybe that's because she never did reach five feet???? Having said that--my mother is a master of knowing when it is appropriate to explain yourself and when you needn't do so. Some of my lessons result from watching her :)

[@Anna-xe6pz]

You are so kind for helping us. Thank you. I didn’t even know what a meeting ambush was until today in my new job. I will now better advocate for myself.

[@AmazingAutist]

Wish I had this 3 years ago. At least I have this now

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Well better late than never, huh? Hey, thanks for sticking with me for so long--I appreciate it, and I appreciate that you'd take the time to comment. Let me know if I can ever do anything for you, OK? ☮

[@hackbattle4283]

Thank you for this! It happened to me and I didn't know what to do. I just faded in my chair and wanted to cry. I was feeling that my honest reply would get me fired so I said nothing.

[@heatherwaycott1419]

I was ambushed at work and told I was fired with no explanation. And then asked if I had any questions. What did I do wrong was my question and there was no answer. I went into shock because there was no indication that they were unhappy with me. I stopped seeing and hearing and almost blacked out. It was traumatizing. I wish they had read the Forbes article. Lol

[@deniseherud]

I love these ideas. Recently returning to the muggle work world, I find it exceptionally toxic for meetings to be held in this ‘ambush’ style. It seems irrelevant to me if it’s ur company or one that ur company does business with, these attack-style situations are simply unprofessional and toxic. It’s less about fact-finding and more about personal ‘beat downs’ and abuses of power. I’m finding the business world to be overall toxic. Thank you for the lovely tools for coping.💐

[@oldcop18]

Ambush interviews are almost always a management power play and often come in front of a disciplinary action.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Agreed, Old Cop.

[@jazzmusicfan]

My standard response, after I rephrase the question for clarification, is: This important matter deserves a careful and well thought out answer and for that I’m going to need X number of (minutes/hours/days). Otherwise, I will not be able to do it justice without all the facts. After that, I ask the person to tell me in what format (email, printed, meeting, etc) and level of detail they would like the answer. Their move!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Excellent.

[@venlisful]

Loved loved loved this! Wish I had seen a video like this a few years ago when I was frequently bullied like this at work by the head of HR and one of the Directors and did not know what to do. Now I know, thank you! :)

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You're so welcome Venlisful!

[@franlawrence6954]

This was something I was recently thinking of how to handle while looking back at past events when similar situations happened. Thank you.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Happy to help you, Fran.

[@ginav.2885]

You're like my therapist and cheerleader all in one.. THANK YOU

[@azimullahniazi6227]

Highly appreciating

[@GS-st9ns]

Very nice video, Dan. I like the word ambush. I would never have used it, but I carry a notebook around just in case I want to remember something. If that happens to me again, I will write down each question and say" I will get back to you, I'm uncomfortable with this impromptu meeting".

[@TheWizardOfWords]

That will work for you, Sugar; I'm certain of it.

[@steveoc64]

When I was in the Australian Army (infantry) - we spent an inordinate amount of time doing ambush and counter ambush drills. Over and over again, without food or sleep - it just gets ingrained as second nature after a while. I wont go into details about the counter ambush drill, but suffice to say, its pretty bloodthirsty, and you are not expected to walk out alive anyway. So ... one day, I get a slack msg to come to the board room, on a Friday no less. No probs. Walk in - and there sitting facing me across the giant boardroom desk is my feckless hen pecked, balding boss ... and the stone faced HR lady ... and a stack of paperwork, and 3 pens laid out ready for signatures. Before they could say "Take a seat", that Counter Ambush Drill from my younger days just kicked in automatically. Honest to goodness - I wasnt thinking, and I couldnt help what followed next. Anyway - moral of the story ... If you are a line manager, or a HR Lady planning to do an ambush meeting, then please, for your own sake, and the sake of the people that need to clean up the mess .... DO NOT bring any pens to an ambush meeting. Dont do it - just use electronic documents and digital signatures or something. Pens - no.

[@jacks7461]

I always felt it was an “ambush” when my Barrister brother turned up at the house with my other brother and sister having driven 50 miles from a city that one of them had to get a train to meet up so they could implement a meeting with me and my failing health Dad in his house where we live. When he started to ask Dad about his affairs ( I think he was trying to broach the subject of POA because he had tried to do it in secret and I caught him so this time he planned a powwow) but “ambush” was the only way I could describe it because that’s how it felt. But as I’m not a psychologist imagine talking to a solicitor to say that? I thought they’d think me one sided, unfair. But that’s exactly what it was. Thank you so much. I just knew it was off their level of planning and no notice to us. Induced conversation they call it too. This constant “ we need to talk “ Really it’s a “ WE need you to answer our questions. Always questions, questions, questions. But questions that have no context or sense. Can’t get a thread on them. Cause they’re slippery. Anyway..Thankyou for the tools. Daddy has died now and they’re still doing it about his estate. Just don’t know what they’re after.

[@bigirishlady]

I’m so glad you do this work. I can use your advice in everyday scenarios. Your guidance helps me feel like I can stay calm when confronted rather than feel my heart start pumping and my body start shaking in absolute fear. Thank you.🙏🏻

[@elainedoremus2688]

I have a concern about starting an answer with: "I feel nervous answering that question right now", because if you have someone who is ambushing you in the first place, they may see the word NERVOUS as a way to further make you feel nervous about your answer.

[@thekingsdaughter4233]

That's what I thought, too. It's like exposing one's soft underbelly to an attacker. "Uncomfortable" is where I will stop.

[@jennifermoran5489]

Got to work one time and my boss had called in the assistant early so that person could be a witness. The boss told me I had an attitude of late and I asked the boss point blank how have I shown an attitude. The boss was stumped and could not give me an example of any time I had an attitude. The meeting was over pretty quickly after that, but the boss showed little confidence or trust I me afterward. Now the boss micromanages everyone and everything to include the assistant.

[@tomthomassony8607]

I had the same type of boss. I always followed up their criticism by sending an email asking for specific examples and to recommend any training they could recommend (which I would find at my own expense). I rarely receive a response!

[@louisianaeu828]

I have used this one " I would not like to improvise an answer here, thus not sure how urgently needed this feedback is but I would prefer to read and look further into it before saying perhaps non sense right now "

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Good answer, Louisiana.

[@Parcha64]

This is interesting because I used a similar statement during this type of interaction and they became domineering saying I could not get back at a later time and I was not permitted to take a moment to compose myself. That revealed something huge about the people I was talking with. From that point on, they became increasingly irrational and pointed in their comments until the conversation totally devolved into hurtful and humiliating statements. These people were TRYING to get an emotional reaction from me and unfortunately they were successful. I was just astonished that two older adults could instigate such a childish and petty interaction which ultimately had me running away while they continued to shout at me. I had never experienced such thing in my life and here I am with two uncompromising, petulent turds who very obviously were not looking for a discussion. This video really validates how I navigated this ambush for the most part and I feel a little better knowing I was doing my best to communicate effectively. If I could do it over, I would exit the conversation when I meant to instead of being baited into increasing drama. Can't fool me now, I recently let these bullies walk into their own trap through no direct communication at all and now they have to face exactly how toxic they are.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Amen, Stephanie Grieco. :)

[@lynncraig6151]

BLESS you. I'm asked Questions I would rarely if ever , ask anyone. These people are on Fishing Expeditions. They want to know and feel it's a RIGHT to know everything about me while revealing little about themselves. And what information they do give is untruthful. I Think certain people want to ask you rude questions to actually get you to Lie and they already know the answer. They want to bring you down to their level which is predatory. It's like they Lie and if you Lie ...you are not above them.They feel then, that you are less than them because they feel they can get away with it . I remember a Guy asked what my middle Name was. He already knew it. He asked me my age while I was depending on him for a ride from the Hospital. He already knew my age. I answered truthfully both times. But that's not what he wanted. He wanted to catch me in a Lie and was disappointed in my answers. It's like having a conversation with the Devil.....it's bad if you do and it's bad if you don't.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Lynn, please catch my videos on intrusive questions; they might help.

[@lynncraig6151]

@@TheWizardOfWords Thank-you I will check them out. 👍

[@maryj5636]

Love this!! This has happened to me so many times!! Your the best!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thanks Miss wireless caller! I hope it works out the next time...let me know, OK?🌻

[@arnoldmarcus3634]

Happened to me recently with a coworker pelting me with undermining questions while I was presenting to leadership. I’m way more prepared for the next time this happens because of your teaching. Thank you.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You are most welcome, Arnold.

[@praxitelesodysseus2859]

“Braincells are finite!” Such a hit slogan! Great power phrase 💪

[@juliea.]

Holy moly, this has come at a perfect time.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Well please let me know the upshot of this one, Julie A.

[@juliea.]

@@TheWizardOfWords I will, thank you. I anticipate entering my boss's cave at some point today.

[@juliea.]

@@TheWizardOfWords My boss would not approach me so he outsourced his displeasure to an assistant principal. I communicated that I am willing to "ask for permission," (this is a control issue with the boss), if it so pleases him. I am a subordinate, so that is how it goes sometimes. However, I was very firm in communicating that I will tolerate neither threats, intimidation, nor harassment from my principal. It's against our union contract, and I made it very clear that my next step would be to get the union involved if he continued with his bullying. My assistant principal appeared a bit shocked. I left feeling very good about myself. Thank you, Dan.

[@juliea.]

Since speaking up for myself, I am pleased to report that my boss is treating me with a lot of respect. I will not allow myself to be bullied, threatened, nor harassed. Thank you, Dan.

[@LeileeBaker805]

At least 5x the last few months @ work🙄

[@michelekelpin7424]

I just got your videos recommended to me today and now I'm subbed. I might need these tactics in the near future. Thank you.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thanks Michele, and please thank whoever shared these videos with you; thank them for me. :)

[@jerzyfilipek4100]

Dan - you’re the best!

[@justalina_S]

This video is great, wish I'd of found it sooner but better late than never. Thank you so much.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Glad it was helpful!

[@alwayslearning7601]

thank you so much for this - i feel like i was trapped on friday by someone trying to get me to gossip at a new job. i was completely caught off guard, and just said, "i don't know if this is because i'm older or what, but i don't like to say bad things about anyone." I was just trying to redirect the conversation to more productive things but i felt really ambushed in that instance. it was not fun. i don't like it, no one does. I am at a new job and i really need the job - i want to do well and get along with everyone. That's not always possible but i don't want to sabotage myself and my own efforts. I'm just ....not feeling right about all of it, and i feel like i'm being "pursued" - hunted, whatever. I don't know what to do about it - maybe nothing is the best thing to do.

[@faith8736]

Powerful stuff. Thank you.

[@anniesshenanigans3815]

"I will circle back to that"

[@bacfran8133]

Thank you !

[@aramotselaw3794]

Your teaching has been LIFE CHANGING for me 🙏🙏🙏 I want to do better in my role, I want to be a more effective leader…these videos are so helpful!! I’ll be able to participate in your classes soon 🙌🏼 #GOALS!!!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Write Jean at [e-mail] and she'll help you get those classes, Aramot. :) :)

[@christinevankammen6109]

Thanks especially for the last part

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You're welcome, Christine.

[@emilypandolfo7702]

Thank you 🙏

[@chrispapa2782]

Loved it 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻🙏🙏🙏

[@gibbyswife9218]

This is one of the best videos that I have seen on this subject! What great information everyone can always put to use! I have always been on the defense, and I have found out people take advantage of me that way. What a great amount of information you have just given to, me for my self-confidence I will use in the future! Thank you so much! Wow! Totally unexpected! (In a good way👍) Blessings to you. Merry Christmas, to you, too! I'm Sending Love To All! 💞

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Merry Christmas to you as well Gibby's Wife--and blessings for the New Year and all those thereafter.

[@sharonlyons5141]

So great! Send the 30 something managers to “bad manager school “. You should be the instructor

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I wish.

[@JustJami74]

This blessed my soul. Thank you so much for this video. I needed this.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You are so welcome, Jami. Thank you for writing.

[@Myfilteredview]

I was ambushed this morning caught me completely out guard

[@garyslavinsky4201]

Thank you for all of these wonderful tools. They are a great help. In the case of Facebook before Congress, the interviewees wanted to answer later because they wouldn't be under oath later.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Well that's a point. There are times when "later" won't cut it--such as in a court of law. My grandfather was a federal judge, and I can imagine his reaction if anyone on the stand under oath had said "I'll have to think about that and get back to you." Context is everything. These tips are for meetings, and not for congressional hearings, although it is prudent even then to get back to people when you truly don't have the answer (as opposed to doing it when you're dodging the question).

[@nataliazamarlik9740]

The best as always !! I love the picture in a suit!! Very professional!!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Well thank you Natalia! I'll have to have my picture taken in suits more often :) :)

[@amberknemett1165]

Thanks very much ❣️

[@mhsmhs9812]

Thank you so much for this!! This is perfect timing and exactly what I need right now!!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Happy to help, mhs.

[@Van-hb4gi]

Always love your videos 🤩

[@Van-hb4gi]

Because you are spot on and relevant; you are psychic in your timing.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thanks, Van. I'll try to continue to be psychic going forward. :)

[@arcticauroras9627]

Omg runs deep in understanding

[@rachaelrogers2104]

I love the photo for this video. YOU LOOK GREAT! Love this video. Thank you.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Rachael, you are saying that perhaps I should show up in a suit a little more often? Did my mother pay you to say that???

[@mikeysonlyvanspage]

I'm so glad I found your channel.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Me too, Campervan Mike!

[@SKW-12]

Dan, you always raise my day. Thanks for more excellent advice. You mention the recent senate hearings. It would be interesting to get your breakdown on some highlights from those, or somthing similar. Wishing y 'all safe, happy holidays and a thriving New Year. 🙏

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Hey thank you for taking the time to leave the kind comment and the great idea. I'm going to go see if I can make anything of a recent one, OK? Thanks for the tip!💐

[@SKW-12]

@@TheWizardOfWords Wonderful! Your input always makes me feel smarter. Thank you for the inspiration. ✨

[@kunduzrouse5088]

I was invited many times to the nursing managers office with other nursing manager in the room. I rumbled and couldn't answer her questions. Now I know what to say if I will be ever invited again without any notice. Thank you for making this video.

[@gggusc11]

Sage advice

[@mnieves-rios7808]

Hi Dan. I'm glad I recently subscribed to your channel and have recommended to my family and friends. Under the circumstances there are many that work from home giving rise to other types of scenarios/conflicts. I've heard people (my daughter) complain about how they put in the work (a 14 page proposal) only to meet on Zoom and realize others do not read up on the issues to be discussed. I imagine there are many other scenarios in which WFH is very different to the Work Place itself. Can you address a video on how to better communicate on WFH conflicts?

[@arcticauroras9627]

Brilliant info!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

OK, AA--I appreciated your comments and hope you've become a YT member so I can afford to keep on producing these videos for you :)

[@jamiemaxcold9325]

This is so good

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Many thanks Jamie. Please like and share at will :)

[@MsPriyaLal]

Thanks Dan, always a nugget in your videos.. Kinda random, but since its holiday time usually I see a lot of relatives and friends. I can't stand when I've been talking to people then take a break and then an aggressive friend or relative says "Your so quite" in front of everyone, or "You never talk much". It gets to me so bad. Maybe you'll put that topic in a video one day!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

How about "When I have something to say, you'll hear it." And then smile.

[@christinebeames2311]

Thank you

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You're welcome

[@Kenmcfarland001]

Love this vid

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Hope you share it, Ken.

[@BelleWhittington]

I wish I would have seen this video two weeks ago! Boy did I did this a week ago!

[@jennyanderson4796]

Yes & may GOD BLESS YOU TOO ! YOUR GOING TO GET A 👑 ONE DAY FOR PREACHING💗 🥰❣💘

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I hope so!

[@jorgebaeza7863]

Dan 👍🏻

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Hey Jorge, thumbs up to you too :) :) :)

[@jocegodfrey6283]

Yes,yes. Merch!!

[@jennifermcginnis3571]

What if your in the military and the commander calls you in to attack you. And there is no way you cannot say I don’t know how say those things. Dude like I am scared to just move. Sucks more when I learned this officer targeted me due because she just didn’t like me. I have no clue why. She always was writing me up, not listening to my side of the story, and telling me she doesn’t trust me. Basically she and my supervisor said members who were lower ranking where higher than me and I had to answer to them. Like life was/is hell. Only thing I could do was kill with kindness. Regardless how I am treated. I hate it. I want to stand up for my self. And I do need to learn communication skills. That is my downfall as well. Please help my active duty career not be hell.

[@catherinecrow5662]

Yes

[@themiddlekid1966]

It happened to me in 2017 through 2018.. no shop steward present. After 20 years...now I'm at 25 years, no one helped me. It was all lies. Corrupt office. Great benefits, good enough pay... mental torture...nothing but BAD MEMORIES. SAYRONARA

[@e.astleford3492]

I am a union steward and we've recently gotten a new manager who has never had to deal with a union. I am frequently having to put him on his back foot. Sadly he is one of those people who, if you thwart him, he will kick the next dog to cross his path. Always maintain communication with HR ahead of a vindictive doo-doo head.

[@carolmarie5789]

When I am attacked in these modes... I am told I have to provide an immediate answer without delay or else. I have even been stressed to the point that I needed to go to the restroom and was barely given permission to go and deal with the issue... I felt so abused because REASONABLE is not in their book of definitions...

[@DCARA06]

The key there is “or else”, or else what? They’ll fire you? If that’s the case could be time to find a new job. If they are trying to catch you out and plan to fire you if you don’t participate, I’d say your time there is almost over anyway. If it’s or else they will be upset with you, they don’t respect you anymore when you allow them to put you on edge and ‘force’ answers immediately from you. Tell them you’ll get back to them soon as possible with answers, let them be upset but I think they’ll respect you for setting boundaries.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

DC ARA06 kudos to you for that answer; I can't improve on it.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Carol, see DCARA06's answer. Is conduct such as this acceptable in your corporate culture? If it isn't, you know what to do, and if it IS, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU MUST DO.

[@carolmarie5789]

@@DCARA06 With the people I have to kiss a**, there has NEVER BEEN respect in the 8 plus years I have been there pulling in the income that the staff has "earned"... I do the billing and without my efforts, we can come up short on payroll or other monies for expenses in general... Some how, I am the bad person...

[@carolmarie5789]

@@TheWizardOfWords Well, multiple sources of income will do wonders as a CYA... since playing the lottery has not helped yet...

[@MsPriyaLal]

I like that you took on this topic. I used to have a few bosses who would call me in at a moments notice then conduct an ambush performance review with all these made up criticisms. I couldn't think straight and tried to rebuttal but it made it worse. It was their intention to do the ambush and expect me to be angry and respond aggressively. I agree with what you say but when you say " I need more time to think about it" The toxic boss will respond with I gave you plenty of time blah blah.. They will continue to tank you. So be prepared to say I need to excuse myself from the room or I have to use the restroom.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Whatever you have to do to buy yourself time to think, PriShah.

[@arcticauroras9627]

Really best practical advice, should be a lawyer

[@terrychartier6218]

I love this broken record.

[@BostonSpeaks]

As leaders, we need to stand up for ourselves!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Absolutely. And followers should do the same.

[@abrahamalvarez7099]

Yup

[@onlyallegra]

Dude, you should train high schoolers before they graduate. They have a class called advisory, which is the modern study hall that covers ethics and life skills to. I would he an entirely different person with am better life if I had this advice when I was young.

[@jennyanderson4796]

a great 💡

[@arianad5333]

Bout to have a home meeting and about to use this

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You go, Ariana. :)

[@wk-cn9lf]

Am I the only one that read Dan's replies in the comments section for better communication ideas ?

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I HOPE not! Hahaha...hey WK I'm uploading a new video now...it's a Q&A based off questions right here below...should I post now or tomorrow? I somehow think you'd know better than I.

[@wk-cn9lf]

I vote now. Thanks for the reply and making me feel special.

[@Sogonrei]

I can be the most confident person ever, but some of the things you bring up are perfect for those bitchy annoying people in our lives just trying to make it harder because they are unhappy. And then I get pissed and snappy, and just leave or show I'm irritated because I have an insane amount of stuff going on. Your channel is fantastic!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thanks, Sogonrei. I hope I can help you from going all Ninja on the annoying people:O

[@Sogonrei]

@@TheWizardOfWords Haha yes. I meant in a civilized way, but just with body language to let them know enough.

[@nancylouin2002]

I just found you and love your stuff. you are really helping me. Thank you! What do you think about saying,"I'm going to take some time to think about it.' in place of ,"I need to take....." Equvalent or no?

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Nancy, I think "I need,"in this particular situation is a little softer than "I'm going." It depends on the context. If you are dealing with bosses and peers in a work situation, you might want to soften your need for time. If you are dealing with a teenager who is asking for permission, that's a little different :)

[@nancylouin2002]

@@TheWizardOfWords Thank you Dan! I appreciate you answering.

[@mcalislr]

Great talk as always. Do you have a video on how to love unlovable people? Especially at work?

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Look for your answer in my next three short videos, Lisa.

[@mcalislr]

@@TheWizardOfWords You're the best!

[@arcticauroras9627]

Trust it

[@christineribone9351]

Dear Online Communications: could you please make a video on Ambush Reprimends and Firing. I have been surprise reprimended over things that I had no control over. I was attacked and accused, and no remediation or coaching program was arranged. It was a brutal shakedown. What is the purpose of having another person present? They seem to be there to intimidate. Can I ask them to leave or can I bring in my own witness? Ambush firing: I caught a female coworker messing around with a male coworker. They both physically threatened me by blocking my passage. The female tracked me down to the lunchroom and said hostile things to me. They thought I was going to snitch on them but I didn't. To protect themselves they apparently told some lies about me to management. Upon my return from a 3 day weekend I was summoned to the managers office and I was fired. I wasn't asked any questions and I had no idea what was happening. Why does management expect the employee to grovel and beg when the decision was already made and the paperwork already typed up? Is there any chance in hell the employee could change their mind? It was unfair that the manager used the opportunity to insult and degrade me personally. She rudely insulted, "nobody likes you". Apparently, she had my immediate supervisor conduct a popularity survey within my dept. and another dept. Are these tactics normal? Is popularity grounds for firing? What could I say? My work performance was outstanding and my concerns were for the department and organization profit. I make my "friends" outside of my department so that I can focus on my job professionally. I have an MBA, and 40 years professional work experience at corporate offices, and I'm 50+. My coworker were early 20's and hired from McDonald's. There was little we had in common. I work productively unsupervised, I was experienced and skilled in my field. Meanwhile, the kids clique needed supervision and guidance and were unmotivated. But there was no supervision and they did whatever they wanted.

[@abrahamalvarez7099]

Yessir

[@MagMaggieMadison]

What if it is the reverse where your boss is repeating himself in a meeting? I've tried "I hear what you are saying", "I am picking up what you are putting down". I called my boss on this after I got the critique that I make the meeting run over. So I thought it was me not giving him a que on this, would stop this, but it is still persisting. What am I doing wrong?

[@pocketminxuk112]

🤗 More of Dan in one night💝

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I am trying very hard to do the videos I've been promising. :(

[@pocketminxuk112]

@@TheWizardOfWords my apologies - my poor phrasing. I binge watched your older videos and you also loaded this fresh one too. I was delighted. I was silenced for years due to verbal abuse & etc I'm still learning how to Express myself. Your work has really helped me this year! Thankyou, stay safe and well 💌

[@SongofaBeach2012]

I had an ambush zoom interview yesterday with my boss, her boss and a lead. I am temping at the moment but was asked at the last minute if I still want a permanent position and if I could interview that same day. I want the job so I agreed to the interview. I had No time to prepare, wasn't told anything about the position and further my training for another position was cancelled at the last minute for this ambush interview. I felt blindsided, stressed to the max but managed to answer their rapid fire questions remaining positive and professional and articulate. But the whole thing felt more like an interrogation and less an interview. I have excelled and given my very best to this temp assignment hoping to be hired and feel I didnt deserve to be ambushed and knocked off balance in this way. The community I serve thru the job makes it worth it as does the pay and ability to work from home. My question is can you give me Any advice on How I should proceed?

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I would email your boss and thank her for the opportunity to interview, and ask if there is anything else required of you, because you REALLY want that job. Make no mention of an ambush or being unprepared. Proceed as though it was the best interview of your life, and you are following up.

[@robertgraves3215]

Awesome! Another one I hate is the ambush conference call . I had to deal with one of those with the six board members in a small company. And then there's the unexpected second party (witness) who walks in suddenly, to what you thought was a one-on-one convo with your boss. So now you have a triad . I felt like saying "let's reschedule, I need time to think , and I'll be bringing my lawyer. " I bet Cos. now make managers watch evil video tutorials on how to terrorize employees. I once had an assistant manager shove his finger in my face . I said calmly, "Mike, please don't point your finger in my face, that's rude". He flaked out and demanded I go sit at his corner desk. I did. So then he's like: "what's wrong?" At that point I used your technique (This was years ago) I said "I can't do this meeting right now, Tell you what , let me buy you lunch tomorrow!" . He totally flipped out. So we went to the diner. I sat there calmly eating while he started getting more and more obnoxious and belligerent. Interestingly, sitting right behind him at the counter was the REGIONAL manager, with another unknown woman. " I was like "Mike, you may want to, uh, chill a bit, Kay is sitting right behind you! " What a coincidence! She very rarely visited us. I wonder if he called her to tell her "We have an insubordination issue!" . Nothing ever came of it, he was determined later to be a psycho, and my boss ended up sending him out to a non managerial B2B sales position. (Before that, his wife divorced him she was sleeping with their next door neighbor. He actually told someone that, how cringe) I did get hauled in the head managers' office later, one on one about the lunch meeting, which I calmly explained all the details of , and the fact that I was the one who called that lunch meeting carried some weight. I was like "Hey, I tried to rationally resolve the issue, but I wasn't clear on what his problem really was. I think he just has a vendetta against me". It was a case of the know it all MBS degree frat boy (him) versus me, the guy who had years of experience in the trenches . I think he was paranoid that I wanted his job.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Wow, thank you for that story, Robert. There is absolutely NO education better than experience. My grandfather once defined education as "the sum total of man's knowledge and experience." He probably stole that line; I don't know. But I love it. He was a federal judge with a Juris Doctor degree, and NEVER underestimated the value of a man's experience. BTW, I think you handled your manager very well :)

[@robertgraves3215]

@@TheWizardOfWords Aw thanks man, best I can do is pray for the guy. Someone wrote there's two types of knowledge , Book knowledge and experiential. I think Thoreau or somebody like that. After age 40 I also started pausing, like "is this battle really worth fighting? And now we face each other in the streets with masks on...

[@professor_philosophy]

Thank you Dan.. What do I do when many people's gang up and confront with my past mistake and make me look like a clown... ? Can you help me on this Dan..

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Hi Surya KN. You might tell them very firmly--head slightly forward and eyes on the speaker (moving to each speaker as necessary) "I live in the here and now and know my mistakes far better than you do. I am working on being the best version of myself that I can be. That means I don't judge others or criticize them or say unhelpful things. I hope you are doing the same with your lives and with your past mistakes." THEN WALK AWAY AND DO THIS EVERY SINGLE TIME OLD TOPICS ARE BROUGHT UP. EVERY SINGLE TIME. It is a version of the "broken record."

[@manuelm4693]

Hey Dan, if I say to the boss that he is being annoying or something like that first, then say and I'm not comfortable in engaging with him. Would that also work?

[@thekingsdaughter4233]

@@manuelm4693 you might not have a job after that any more... ;-) so maybe "no" on that bit about him being annoying.

[@redneckgirl3326]

I start off by giving my boss the predatory stare until he looks away.

[@HakunaMatataHM]

Great advice but, unfortunately, totally inapplicable at my workplace. :(

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Hakuna--why?

[@goudagirl6095]

Sigh. Wish I'd had this ammo JUST TODAY.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Good News! You'll have it for tomorrow.

[@juliehaynes5413]

How to respond to this situation: I have worked in a veterinarian’s office for the past 23 years. We all know there is a particular “aroma” to a vet office, however, my coworkers and I clean fastidiously to stay on top of things. That being said, a difficult client entered the building, and immediately remarked on how bad it smelled, and went on to say that all vet offices have a “funk”, but our office was “extra funky” that day. Mind you, she was dropping off a stool sample from one of her thousands of cats, which I pointed out to her. But I was so taken aback by her instant complaining (she went on for awhile, and even asked me directly why it smelled so bad, and it was at this point I reminded her that she had just brought us a bag of poop) that I was unable to effectively respond and shut her up. What is the best tactic for a situation like this?

[@juliea.]

"Yes, I do know there is a funky smell. We celebrate colds with nasal congestion."

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Julie A., I laughed out loud at that one. :) :) :)

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I might say: "It is our job to take care of sick animals and get them better; that is my top priority. I'll deal with the odor when I have the time."

[@v.britton4445]

This makes me not want to work with people. There are so many immature selfish ones.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Hi! Thanks for commenting! Could you tell me what you mean? Thanks again!

[@parisare9742]

What should I do when my kids nag too much?

[@buffermonster4492]

Is it appropriate to say "my pleasure" to co-workers and managers instead of your welcome? I do not hear "my pleasure" often from co-workers. The big phrase at work is "appreciate it". I am concerned about not fitting in if I use "my pleasure." Thanks.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Hi Buffer: I think saying "I appreciate it" at work is absolutely fine. It is "no problem" that I believe can always stand improvement. And yes, you can certainly reserve "my pleasure" for personal use or as a powerful customer service response.

[@buffermonster4492]

@@TheWizardOfWords Thank you for the information. I do not use " no problem". I was taught to use "your welcome." When will you bring back the communication band? I enjoy the videos from 2013 and 2017 with the band.

[@dylanrussell5781]

How do You handle pessimistic comments from family members at Holidays?

[@gibbyswife9218]

Dylan Russell, If you don't mind, I would love to add something to your question. That is such a perfect question for this time of year. (We may have to stay in this holiday season due to the pandemic.) But I can't count how many times I would have loved to have been able to ask that question myself. I really didn't mean to be annoying and just ask. But I am so happy you asked, and I, too, would love to know the answer to this age old question. Blessings To You! Happy Holidays💞

[@dylanrussell5781]

@@gibbyswife9218 I'm glad I asked then, God Bless You and I hope We get our answer and sure, add something to it 😊

[@gibbyswife9218]

@@dylanrussell5781 Thank you for asking it!! Oh, how I hope we get an answer, too. I hope you have a Glorious Christmas. May God Be With You Always. Amen. 💞

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Dylan, thank you SO MUCH for asking this--especially at this time. Look for a video answering this question--by about Wednesday or maybe even sooner.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Gibby's Wife, check my next two videos--I'm going to take this up as a topic.