America’s mass spiral of self-censorship | The Dilemma Ep. 1

[@bigthink]

For more tools to have honest conversations, go to moralcourage.org/tools.

[@michaelbotta1414]

I would appreciate a list of sources for the video. Lots of big claims that I cannot verify without attempting to simply google survey data.

[@michaelbotta1414]

I was unsure if I should comment, but I do feel like you deserve feedback as this seems genuine and heartfelt. This video feels both preachy and fundamentally untransparent. Dr. (I hope?) Rose gave enormously important and specific claims that were not verified, challenged, or really discussed to provide the backdrop for the video, which means we see no further explanation. Moreover his history as more of an entrepreneur than a scientist does make me a little more skeptical. The discussion is heavily abbreviated with no context given on their backgrounds or enough time to hear all of their perspectives. I'm all here for moral courage, but as someone who has worked as a professor and is currently a teacher at a high school, I simply don't agree with the doom and gloom in this video and so many other Big Think videos. I don't see it with my students, I don't see it with my coworkers, and I don't see it with myself and my family. I would love to dive further into the data as I recognize that my understanding is anecdotal, but that hasn't been supplied. I think a grounded, extended group discussion (a la the Jubilee videos that are so popular) could be good or a grounded, extensive conversation with a specific person like Dr. Rose could be good, but this video gives us neither.

[@peterbelanger4094]

The background music is extremely distracting, it makes me NOT TRUST this video.

[@valeryralphvaliere607]

I have noticed this in my university. I am an international student in the US. When I first came here to study, I had this dream that I would be able to have more debates and discussions about policies around the world, even those that are controversial but necessary to have. I thought it would the place, as my university also prides itself to be a beacon of free expression. BUT once I got there, the reality is absolutely terrifying. People are so scared to talk right now, that debates have almost disappeared. People are afraid to state opposite opinions. They are afraid to even engage in those tough conversations we used to have in the past. No one wants to be canceled. No one wants to be the one saying something offensive even when what they want to say is proven and scientific facts. People are self-repressing their right to express themselves. I am not joking. I have been here for one year now and I literally haven’t had a discussion with people with two fundamentally opposite opinion. You would think everyone is on the same page, but no. They are just afraid to talk.

[@risingradiance9142]

Welcome to Russia!

[@carlosdominguez3108]

Correct. No one can think and debate anymore because all responses are filtered through emotion. Other than my best friend I literally cannot have a discussion with anyone I know including my family about deep, moral issues that may be difficult to discuss. People simply lack the ability to do that in 2024. It's sad.

[@Yt-qi9ot]

This has been a thing since about 2015. It won't change anytime soon.

[@cowboyflipflopped]

It's important to have conversations. And it's important for us as a society to be able to progress, and not have to keep having the same conversations over and over forever. Some people will learn and move on. Others will be stuck, and want to keep fighting the same losing battle endlessly just to have their voice heard. But that kind of conversation only holds us back. If what you're wanting to fight about is a moral question that was settled a decade or more ago, you probably should find something more interesting to discuss.

[@imallierambles]

This statement makes me sad because in open, honest discussion and debate is where we find the truth, freedom and community. I hope you find those that want what you want. I know I do too. Im not in university anymore, I’m 52, but I seek this too in real life. It feels impossible to find but I’ll keep searching.

[@marco8060]

"The mark of an educated mind is the ability to entertain a thought without accepting it"

[@thewiseowl8804]

Anybody who finds that inspiring isn’t capable of doing that.

[@aisyled7144]

@@thewiseowl8804what do you mean by that?

[@thewiseowl8804]

@@aisyled7144 I mean: if you have the capability of putting yourself in other's shoes, you will already be thinking that way, and won't need a quote to realize it.

[@rongike]

@@thewiseowl8804 you can agree with something without finding it inspiring.

[@jbabbott80]

This is how you can tell the population is getting dumber as time progresses...society has gotten so "easy" to live in that people's brains seem to have atrophied from disuse. Now we live in the mess that is wrought when fools become the near-majority.

[@mchammer5592]

There’s just too many self-evident (sometimes harsh) realities in life that we are socially expected to act like they don’t exist.

[@Irshad_MoralCourage]

The human ego's need to control others -- it's real. That's, in part, why so many targets of oppression become oppressors when they acquire a sliver of power. In my view, the only answer is to reform ourselves. We explore how in the next two episodes.

[@pinchebruha405]

@@Irshad_MoralCourage we evolved as species because leaders stepped forward, as many other types evolved alongside each other for our survival. The key to all our problems now is education and controlled birth rates, it’s religion that is standing in the way of our evolution.

[@shanshanzhang5736]

This is by far my favorite KZbin content. It’s so valuable to have courage and motivation to live honestly and at the same time, respectful to others with the maximum humanity. Life can be so simple.

[@Joestaxi854]

It isn’t making sure you say the right thing. It’s making sure you don’t say the wrong thing.

[@chrisoutdoor3872]

Our culture has spent a lot of resources over a very long time defining all the behaviours we should not do and the 'appropriate' punishment for them while simultaneously depleting the methods, people, and institutions that will teach and support us to be beneficial to society.

[@cowboyflipflopped]

@@chrisoutdoor3872 Really, we've just started to understand that some of the things we say about people who seem funny or unusual or suspicious to us because they are different from us tended to hurt the feelings of the people we were talking about, and make them feel isolated and unsafe. So, we've decided to be more empathetic, considerate, and to try to be more understanding and less excluding of people who seem different. That's really all it is. People's morals develop over time. We used to think human sacrifice was the only way to appease the gods. We used to think slavery was ok. We used to think that some people were just naturally all-around better in every way than some other people. We used to think all kinds of things were ok that aren't really ok, once you start to understand the world and the people in it a little bit. Our morals should continue developing over time. I'm 51. When I grew up, it was normal to say things to deliberately hurt a person's feelings. Even if they did nothing to you. Maybe they were just quiet, or seemed scared, or were dressed in shabby clothes. Whatever, we thought it was fun to heap more pain and suffering on them because we could. Turns out, that's wrong to do. So, we try to be kinder, now. I think that's a very good thing.

[@kalilax1]

And who's to decide what's wrong? What if you end up on the other side of what others find wrong? Freedom is freedom when it's extended to who you don't agree with, otherwise all dictators of the world allowed being agreed with! 😂😂😂

[@Joestaxi854]

@@kalilax1 for discussion let’s take the N word. I’m not allowed to say it. If I do say it, odds are good I am going to receive a good beating. It’ll go viral on TikTok or KZbin and I’ll be famous. Excuse me, I meant infamous. Fine, this old white guy got what he deserved and should’ve known better in the first place. It was my own damn fault. My question, is there a word out there so objectionable that I, as an old white guy, can use as justification to beat someone? Is there a “W” word?

[@LaurenceVonThomas]

I have noticed that in American (and also UK culture), a lot of people are also self-silencing for fear of saying something that is triggering, which seems to tap into a part of cancel culture. It seems that even if fundamentals align, when something is not delivered with the right words or tone, this is enough to divide beyond the actual meaning of what is being said. As a European who lived abroad I definitely noticed a type of fear culture that we don't seem to have or at least not to that level

[@Irshad_MoralCourage]

I, too, have noticed that cancel culture is less intense in most of parts of Europe than here in the U.S. and Canada. That said, I take strength from Todd Rose's suggestion to say, "You know, I'm not quite sure..." What do you think of that tip?

[@rongike]

the worst part is that no one is healing from avoiding triggers, you have to investigate your triggers to overcome them and if you're not being triggered then you're likely to live in misery and not know what's wrong.

[@robertd9850]

First, you have to get rid of the phrase "speak your truth." There is not your truth and my truth. There is only the truth.

[@hata1499]

The point why people are self silencing is because justifying a slightly off opinion is an assload of (often futile) work and your opponent or "conversational partner" doesn't want to listen at all. People simply like to hear themselves talk but dont want to be talked back to

[@avitalzehava5747]

I super appreciate Kelly sharing her perception of the risk and how burdensome it can be to take that risk. Aaaaand I think Ezra's bravery in disagreeing and even after being confronted with what could have come across as a spot of condescension - she maintained her curiosity while articulating an even more vulnerable and personal perspective. I think this takes not only a specific level of serenity but also faith in one's self that usually only stems from overcoming extreme adversity. Gracefully done, kudos to all parties.

[@mc9601]

This left me with a lot to ponder… It also put into perspective the beautiful relationship between my manager and myself. There is a safety that empowers us to be, respectfully, honest with each other. I trust her leadership, because I’m able to have my own stance, and that matters, for me to feel understood.

[@margaretmargaret6582]

Excellent This needs to be published on US general media (TV etc) I'm from US and I work in many countries and the US is the only county I have found where 90 percent are afraid to tell their true options or discuss issues with others at all

[@StealthTheUnknown]

“Guard your heart.” It’s true. Be kind, be willing to trust, but do not trust people generally until they really, really give you a reason to trust them. And that trust is voluntary given by you, not demanded by the other party. Hell, don’t even trust yourself. Are you a good influence? Trust instead in good wisdom, that which serves one well when adhered to with the right interpretation and the right heartstate

[@nikreitzug2000]

The saying “ask for forgiveness instead of permission” is not followed by very many because our culture is more willing to shame instead of forgive. Forgiveness is an underrated value we have to start practicing more often.

[@abby33211]

I've found that if you approach conversations and disagreements from a place of trying to understand their perspective, understand the reasoning and factors that got them to a different conclusion, you not only can fine tune your conclusion to be the best it can be (assuming that your goal is to have a conclusion that is the most true about the world around us and takes into account as much information as possible as opposed to what feels good for example). To be open to the idea that you could be wrong and can improve. That also, hopefully, encourages the other person to listen to your side, your reasonings and evidence, how you got to your conclusions. So instead of both being defensive or it being an argument, there is a much higher chance of people considering the other's side, a different perspective. I've really enjoyed this approach to things for myself. So that I can be a better person and get closer to my goals. I also don't want to be the kind of person that decides she is right and can't be convinced otherwise. Not that I can't have boundaries in a conversation or not feel comfortable sharing something, I've had many conversations where someone just wanted to preach to me and for me to agree with whatever they say without understanding my perspective or questioning their views. I have to decide if it's worth having those conversations on a case by case basis, as with anything else. And I have decided that I have already lived too long as someone that wasn't me. I don't want to smother my feelings or thoughts or personality in order to fit in or not make waves any more

[@MarkChucks]

*Thank you😊 for this video, do you offer account management or have any recommendations?*

[@LuxeAsthetics-s2b]

If you’re using a good manager, it’s easier to earn from the market

[@JenniferLynd]

That's true. a lot of people today have been having lots of disappointments in trading in light of helpless direction and awful consultants

[@NickGabriel-o1t]

There seems to be constant mention of "Victoria Walters Hayward" everywhere I turn. Are the accolades and reviews truly worth her?

[@PhillipeMattews]

Her platform is user friendly, transparent and secure with no restrictions

[@SophiaMartins-x1g]

I started working with Miss Walter after I got a loan from a friend and now after receiving profit, I paid my friend and put back my earnings over and over again. I must say she's a very transparent and an honest personality

[@cyrusf.4039]

Good discussion topic, but it feels a little too staged with the camera zooming back to the audience thoughtfully taking notes and the ominous two note synth music in the background. Not my favourite format, ironically it made me not want to trust content.

[@ketilmalde3402]

I agree, it feels scripted, fake, complete with heartening stories told by smiling people of how being honest ackshually made them a better person and everything will be all right in the end. The problem with this is that it doesn't counterbalance a whole internet full of stories of people who got fired for wrongthink. They self-sabotage their message that people are afraid to speak up (which is important if true) by painting it as a false fear, not grounded in reality (which may also be true, but paternalistic arrogance is not the way to reach anyone).

[@TOMinPDX]

I completely agree and I even posted a comment about the unnecessary use of the music in this video.

[@Irshad_MoralCourage]

Wow, sorry to hear that. For what it's worth, the only "staged" piece was my introduction to camera. That's it. I had no idea what the in-studio audience was going to say, nor did they have any idea what I was going to ask. Most of the time, I didn't have any idea what I was going to ask either. I simply wanted to make the space inviting and free of judgment. Even the very end of this episode, where I express gratitude for Kelly's "no", was spontaneous. I remember this because I was exhausted from all the noise (and therefore interruptions) coming from the room of 5-year-olds next to us. By the end of the discussion, I didn't have much energy to think. The director said: Why don't you tell us how you're feeling? And that's what I did.

[@eddenoy321]

Totally. Everyone seems to speak like they are on too many anti-depressants I am unsubbing.

[@Irshad_MoralCourage]

@@eddenoy321 So you think Kelly, who blurted out "No!", is on anti-depressants? I'd love to try the drug that you're taking right now. 😊

[@sarahlevine776]

There needs to be multiple classes on conversation in school. I think it would solve more problems than anyone even realizes and I think it's what is needed to help the world.

[@ikaikamokuahi]

This is a brilliant conversation and conversation starter. This is a thoughtful, honest, and thought-provoking conversation. Very good.

[@danielletownsend4237]

I find myself self-censoring for only one reason, I don't have the ability to influence anyone. So many people are so entrenched in their beliefs that I have no impact on them. So, I just don't say anything. I live in a conservative state with conservative family and friends. They assume I am a leftist because I don't believe the same things they do. Actually, I am more of a centrist, non-religious, libertarian. It's lonely.

[@juswolf22]

It’s no use in talking when no one is listening.

[@thewiseowl8804]

This is true.

[@rongike]

then you do the listening and ask the right questions.

[@SBayrd]

@@rongike for what? nobody listens when you ask the right questions and when you do the listening to acquire information. even if you listen and ask the right questions, then what? nobody cares, unfortunately. It's like the lonely genius who sees all the problems but nobody understands them.

[@rongike]

@@SBayrd the lonely genius must put that genius to work and master patience and figure out how to lead people to the truth, there's no value in being a genius if it all goes to waste.

[@anandshah6642]

That is really true.

[@stephanurkel7567]

Great video, I've started to share this to my socials 3 times and deleted it each time. For fear of the 'loud crowd''s response... and the lack of motivation to deal with it. The irony of me self-censoring a video on self-censorship is wild

[@bonnybabs392]

Same 😩

[@amazinglife0222]

Yes!!! I always strive to be understood. When I am not, that's where my frustration lies.

[@Azcko_]

I think our issue of trust like many issues we face start from home. Where you say a slightly different opinion than your parents as your first authority figure and you’re met with a harsh disagreement. It began with the word “no” where your mom didn’t allow you to grab another cookie for the 5th time. I feel like we emotionally attach ourselves very tightly to the “no”. Hearing the “No” from Kelly I believe made me upset as I disagreed with her. I found myself thinking in my head all the reasons as to why I could be right. I then realized I wasn’t listening. I was waiting for my turn to speak not understanding at all. To tie it together, the lack of trust comes from a lack of understanding maybe the notion is “ why should I trust you if you don’t want to understand”. By all means disagree, I’m interested in knowing why.

[@mr.c2485]

Real trust is earned…not given out of the goodness of one’s heart ❤️.

[@Torbu6286]

Most necessary, most real, most realistic approach, to how people should discuss, THIS is the epitome, thank you

[@Distaval]

That “no” set the host up for exactly what we need in this world.

[@nicholaskarpuk942]

Some people believe truly horrible things that they will never, ever give up on, and are not interested in truly discussing in an open way. I'm okay with those people "self-silencing", even if they do act super indignant about it.

[@Burnenwhysee]

I was at a get together with some people in Warsaw poland. Everyone was open about their opinions about politics, trump, kamela, everything. Nobody disliked each other due to their opinions. In the Us, especially in major liberal cities, everyone is afraid to talk about their differences in opinion.

[@Primo_extracts]

This is the change that I would challenge all individuals looking for change, to make in their life. when a person begins to communicate this way they become an example for all those within close proximity.

[@jannetteberends8730]

I’m from the Netherlands, and the culture is that everyone’s opinion is relevant. So children learn very young to express their opinion. But we don’t talk about politics or religion in regular life. It’s not taboo, but not something we talk about much.

[@Keatwonobe]

It's one thing to disagree, but it is another to subjugate. In the US we have a vocal part of voters trying to subjugate the rest. There isn't some way to instill empathy in someone already blood-bent on being the biggest neanderthal in the cavern system. I don't share opinions because everyone is so religious and I think abrahamic religion is one of the most evil things humanity has ever followed. It isn't hard to see that or to share opinions, but there isn't any empathy left from people that have selfish desires.

[@joshgenet742]

Religion has historically been one of the greatest sources of violence in humanity. It deals directly with helping groups cope with death. So when their worldview is challenged, of course they will respond in kind. Add in easily-corrupted power structures that allow few to command many towards violence. And yes, it rightfully becomes difficult to trust those that follow religion. Thank you for your comment. Genuinely one of the best KZbin comments I've read!

[@Torbu6286]

Thank you for bringing Todd again, much needed

[@johannavelasquez6739]

I just discovered this channel and I love it. Please keep uploading videos like this. They are amazing!

[@HAPPLIP]

In a world where the outspoken say '' we need to feel safe, speak your mind, be yourself, express yourself. '' Are the sames ones making dam sure you don't feel safe thru judgement, shame and censorship. Your words are more powerful when you speak less.

[@JeffCaplan313]

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can AND WILL be used against you."

[@jeongheeyang478]

👏👏 BRAVO 👍👍 seems always about "HOW" not about what... yes, honesty & courage prevail (among others), yet, HOW they are carried out makes all the difference!! to me, the ultimate fail safe for humanity is KINDNESS - everything else can be salvaged, to say the least, w/ even an ounce of kindness... guess HOW KIND the approach/effort to understand & learn/ expressed will determine how well/correctly/accurately received especially w/ good intention(s)... AWESOME convo/discussion 💙🤍 as always LOVE Big Think 🥰😍🤩🕉

[@Craznar]

I'm not even allowed to talk about my mental illness. So I can't get help for it.

[@JeffCaplan313]

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can AND WILL be used against you."

[@xmattperkins]

Anything said publicly that’s absurd you should always question if that person believes what they’re saying. The more absurd, the less likely they really believe it. In some cases it’s all about “How can I get the biggest reaction possible in the shortest period of time?”

[@Baker311]

Clickbait headlines sensationalist content short skit entertainment all promote part of the dopamine economy that the consumers afterall wanted, since it became such a hit learning the skill of reactionary short content is valuable because consumers wanted this type of structure to the economy by consuming the content, since consumers will continue consume it will continue to be a valuable skill in the future.

[@patricklyman864]

It has often been said that people don't want to hear your opinion; they want to hear their own opinion coming out of your mouth. Maybe if we weren't so protective of our own opinions? Do we identify with them too much? Great video.

[@mike-q2f4f]

The stats about a few rotten apples ruining it for everyone else feel right. I also like: "I'm not sure about what you just said -- Can you explain it better?"

[@TOMinPDX]

Why is there background music added to this video? Apart from it not being a good match it's completely unecessary. The content of the video should be engaging enough that there is no need for added audio to enhance the listening experience, in fact it's a distraction even if it is at a low volume level. The narration/conversation is all we need.

[@Phoenix_Rises]

I’ve struggled to express what I think. It is a real self-censorship. But I hope to accept pushback as part of the process, and try to engage in many different perspectives. Very engaging video.

[@revan6441]

Yes! I’ve been saying this for years!! 😊

[@Kriti2801]

This is a real good help - thanks for the episodes

[@jackalbright4599]

IRL I speak the same way I've always spoken since 1990. The only censorship is online. I would love to tell you exactly what I think but, my digital tongue has been removed. ONLY my digital tongue!

[@Phatxual]

What if you aren't 'curious' to know what some random strangers' opinions are on a topic? This video is circumstantial advice, and it all depends on the situation. Imo

[@carlosdominguez3108]

I'm really kinda confused at what the chunky peanut butter food stamps example has anything to do with trust and withholding one's viewpoints on moral issues.

[@ChiCityLady]

I think he was implying the government didn't trust him with how to spend his food stamp money.

[@GabeHandle]

I'll tell you one thing. It immediately made me lose trust in the speaker. Because I grew up on food stamps and ate chunky peanut butter all the time.

[@QueenieKoopa]

He was definitely implying what the commenter above stated. But I'm confused, bc you can buy candy and all sorts of junk food with food stamps.

[@chrisoutdoor3872]

Combining the previous three comments with the detail that the checkout operator denied him his peanut butter, that would be a betrayal of trust if he legally could get the peanut butter but was denied it anyway. The betrayal of trust is not with the food stamps in this instance but with the operator and the machine and the feeling of being unfairly judged.

[@carlosdominguez3108]

@@QueenieKoopa Oh please, it's not really that deep. There's a list of approved products on food stamps, and that chunky peanut butter wasn't on it. It literally had nothing to do with trust. Stop pretending like you're smart.

[@fuferito]

I first noticed Irshad Manji on TVO here in Canada, many years ago. I'm glad she's joined the team, and I hope to see more of her.

[@Irshad_MoralCourage]

Hey, thanks for remembering my days at TVO! Good times. The next two episodes of The Dilemma will drop on each of the next two Fridays. So you'll definitely see more of me -- like it or not. 😉Where in Ontario (or Canada) are you?

[@fuferito]

@@Irshad_MoralCourage, Not only am I in Toronto, but I often see your former rhetorical TVO adversary, Michael Coren walking his cute little dog.

[@Irshad_MoralCourage]

@@fuferito You know, Michael and I have become very good friends. We've both grown. Curiosity changes everything.

[@fuferito]

@@Irshad_MoralCourage, Absolutely.

[@stokepusher5481]

It like that on/off state, allowing yourself to be vulnerable, yet with some sort of sense of dignity, ..but in a humble manner. Empathy and curiosity as a front often works out best

[@TheBitterSarcasmOfMs.Anthropy]

As a satirist and sarcasmist, it is MY DUTY to tell the truth no matter how true and upsetting it is - to tear down everyone and everything with great wit and humor fearlessly doesn't take courage - all it takes is not giving a fxck.

[@NewLife-qj9mx]

I appreciate longer videos like this, thank you 🙏

[@santiagofranco4686]

The background music isn't very nice.

[@kathiemihindukulasuriya1538]

This happened to me right after Row v Wade was overturned. A colleague approached me, venting about it. For some reason, I took the risk to be truthful. I said that while I didn't feel comfortable making the decision for others, for me personally, I feel that all our rights are moot if we don't have a right to life. She was stunned, but we talked about the nuances of our positions and got to an agree to disagree position. We've become much closer since then, and are able to discuss contensious issues because we have a trust between us. We don't have to agree on everything to have trust.

[@thewiseowl8804]

You don't want reproductive rights for yourself and half the population because you're afraid of burning in hell.

[@sohu86x]

It's Roe, not Row.

[@kathiemihindukulasuriya1538]

@@sohu86x Good to knoe

[@thewiseowl8804]

You don’t want reproductive rights for yourself because you're undereducated/don’t trust science. That’s the takeaway.

[@MT-cg5gx]

Embrace vulnerability.

[@anandshah6642]

Great video. A lot to ponder. I was also thinking about the trust issues i had.

[@franciscosticotti2231]

Impecable, disfruto la intención, disfruto el contenido. Gracias.

[@Irshad_MoralCourage]

Gracias!

[@Maybemaybexyz]

Shocker

[@PierceArner]

Recognizing collective illusions in the age of social media is exceptionally important, as is being able to understand when there is an objective foundation of equality when you're engaging in argument & discussion so that you know when to expect that the net result is learning & mutual understanding even if there isn't a consensus of agreement vs. encountering endless scenarios where the contention & othering prevents any sort of objective vulnerability.

[@thewiseowl8804]

Doesn’t matter. Most people won’t recognize this.

[@PierceArner]

@@thewiseowl8804 It always matters if some people can, because it's an important step in the world shifting to become a better place.

[@PierceArner]

@@thewiseowl8804 Well, you said it doesn't matter and I said it always matters, so there's still some clarification needed if you actually don't disagree with me on that point. Additionally, your questions don't have a single specific answer. They vary from circumstance to circumstance, because each time this happens the people and their experiences are different, as is how well they know how to account for differing perspectives and objectivity in a discussion. While it's easy to assume that it's an endless burden that's one-directional, that ignores all the scenarios where it already isn't that way because people have been able to approach this situation differently. It's easy to be pessimistic when you describe one form of a problem and over-generalize, like how "shifting the norm" requires the under-represented to be heard by those who are less acknowledged… because if they already were, then by definition the problem would already be solved because they would be equally represented and that would be the common experience: aka "the norm." Patterns are important to recognize, but don't over-generalize too far otherwise you'll miss the nuance and lose the ability to accurately distinguish what can make a difference when and where it matters.

[@Readabookfoofoo]

Most men hate feminism but don’t feel free to say it, but that’s thankfully changing. Most people who live outside urban areas are disgusted by what is happening in them, the atomization of the person. The deracination of the host culture. What do you think of all that?

[@Rolkey]

I don’t know what feminism is and I don’t care to know, I’ll never speak on something I’m not educated on.

[@ramonm.m8844]

Nice perspective thats offers good guidance in some situations, but always standup for the truth and realty unforgivingly which means never lending any legitimacy to non-truths and false conspiracies. Behind these non-truths and false conspiracies are real emotions and grievances that we should try and understand better so that we can offer better solutions or at the very least, find common ground in our likely very similar virtuous end goals.

[@ramonm.m8844]

That is how we build trust without jeopardizing reality which lead to indefinitely more distrust if people can't agree on basic facts.

[@kitebarbie]

I feel like those who need to hear this the most are the least likely to be checking out this channel, or even be open to hearing this info in other platforms…. let’s hope that changes too.

[@thewiseowl8804]

You’re absolutely correct. Does a hot-tempered gangster have the open-mindedness or attention span required to voluntarily watch any content like this? This will only help already sympathetic individuals become better listeners.

[@ArchiRuban]

Very important topic, thank you

[@Irshad_MoralCourage]

Thanks so much. Is there something in particular from this episode that resonates strongly with you?

[@petremunteanu2941]

Just made my day: that floating group carpet over that dark background.

[@indigotaylor-noguera7119]

I believe going along to get along and being a "team player" is a genuine threat to our democracy and free society.

[@Vito-r5z]

There's something more fundamental than trust. It's called safety. Safety plus connection equals trust. Communication is essentially the interaction of two nervous systems. Autonomic state is the key. A favorable autonomic state leads to better outcomes because it grants us access to the higher levels of functionality. The human brain is phylogeniclly ordered and functionally progressive. This means there's a functional hierarchy that exists within the human brain but there are preconditions that have to be met to access the different levels of functionality. Safety and connection are the first two preconditions that have to me met. They are the tools with which you build trust and trust is the scaffolding that allows you to access the different levels of functionality. Your ability to assess the autonomic state of others plus maintain a favorable autonomic state yourself is the key. This determines the emotional and cognitive level the interaction takes place on. If two people are in two different autonomic states there will be a neurological mismatch and communication will be difficult. I think it's worth repeating, communication is essentially the interaction of two nervous systems. Additionally every subculture comes with it's own circumscribed body of knowledge that delineates the boundaries of perceptual awareness, conceptual thought and patterns of behavior. Safety and connection may be defined and experienced differently in different cultures. Without this important context providing these preconditions of safety and connection that lead to trust and understanding is more challenging. I hope I've added something of value to the conversation. Have a beautiful day!

[@tanfeexulhaqq4616]

Honestly I thought they'd bring some polar opposite people and let them talk to their heart's content. I believe that's what being open and brave to opposing belief is.

[@LifeLessons-ElderMillennial]

I agree with parts of this and I disagree with parts of it too. I have often lamented the decline of healthy debate in society. I don't know whether it is education, upbringing, culture or globalism (likely a little bit of them all) but as a general rule we have become obsessed with having the 'correct' answer in a discussion - and such thinking precludes any shades of grey. For each person what they experience is their truth, and when people of opposing views clash - each holds their truth as sacred, and this is dangerous. We need to become way less invested in certainly opinions and perhaps less invested in beliefs because the more tightly our identity is bound up in these beliefs, the harder we struggle when they are challenged. And so on this part, I agree that the world is "big enough' and we should aim to approach conversations with curiosity and compassion - seeing it as an opportunity to learn, rather than a point to win. Where I disagree is on topics where shades of grey are non-existent. By this I mean, if a person holds and espouses beliefs that raises safety and security concerns to another person or group - we should not and can not attempt to engage with them in this way. The paradox of intolerance is that we must not tolerate intolerance in our societies. Therefore on issues such as racism, sexism, homophobia etc - basically any serious prejudice or vilification - we don't ask for a sit down to say "hey can you explain to me more about your viewpoint" because such a discussion would likely only cause us harm and will not lead to the positive outcomes espoused in this video. For this type of discussion to work both sides must be equally committed to an exchange of ideas in a non-attached way. It's not about convincing the other person to agree with you, its about trying to learn something new.

[@exnihilo8388]

your point in the second paragraph is exactly the issue we are experiencing today. What classifies as "intolerant"? Who decides that? Is it just what makes you *feel* bad about something? That just isn't how debate functions. Freedom of speech is a double edged sword, what that means is *everyone* is welcome to the table for discussion. No matter your beliefs. What we decide to do with their point is up to us a whole. But this sort of debate is in decline and because of the "need" to be PC on everything and correct.

[@CarlaSantorini]

You state "It's not about convincing the other person to agree with you, it's about trying to learn something new." Which I find interesting because you also state that people who are labeled as "intolerant" should not be approached with curiosity and compassion. It gets even more interesting because someone who is acting "intolerant" is by definition someone who does not engage in compassion or curiosity for the people or situation they're intolerant against. What comes to mind is it's like trying to fight fire with fire. And next I would wonder what would lead someone to drop curiosity and compassion in favor of intolerance... What I sense here from you and from the one labeled "intolerant" is... Fear. We cannot bring someone back into curiosity and compassion for others if we are in fear and on guard ourselves. And once we enter fear and sever all communication, then we have truly lost all hope of understanding the other person and helping bring them out of fear and into tolerance.

[@LifeLessons-ElderMillennial]

@@CarlaSantorini The paradox of intolerance. Look it up. I have quite clearly outlined what classifies as intolerant. I suggest you re-read my comments and address your comprehension, rather than attempting to put words into my mouth. Thanks.

[@jamiedorsey4167]

My thought to the cause of this decline has to do with the rise of the internet. In the past people would mix a bit more haphazardly and were forced by circumstance to find common ground and attempt to peacefully navigate differences. The internet allowed us to find our people to much greater degree, which has plenty of upside, but also led to a siloing and narrowing of ideas and dispositions. We're losing the ability to think and converse broadly and diversely. Regarding the second paragraph. An important distinction whether you're avoiding the paradox of intolerance or practicing intolerance yourself lies in the way you define these terms. Is the racist a KKK member or do they believe in school choice and you think they are being structurally racist (which you think is identical to every other racism) because school choice negatively impacts POC more than white people. Point being its possible to spin and define those toxic words to basically mean anyone who doesn't agree with you on any number of issues.

[@CarlaSantorini]

@@LifeLessons-ElderMillennial Hm, I think the tone and wording of my previous reply didn't come across as I had intended. Perhaps too direct. Could you help me understand what you mean by "it would cause us harm" to ask about their viewpoint? What harm would come from understanding what is feeding someone's motives? Genuinely curious.

[@tdgros88]

The young lady is wiser and more courageous than the old people.

[@LaneBlackmer]

The group discussion was very interesting. The idea that some feel a conversation (which could be higher conflict) cannot be had without wanting to learn something...I think the 'no' in that answer is when relationships are transactional. I tend to agree with her and the elderly man's rationale when it comes to workplace or any other relationship with a high-power dynamic. But if it's a relationship that's not transactional...this could present a problem. The example the gentleman who is gay presented - he wants to feel BETTER and to be understood with his family dynamic. I appreciate everyone's input but as someone who's a little older now, the answer that someone is younger and naive is not respectful and it's so silencing to another person's experience. That used to happen to me all the time and I try never to evoke this. But it works if you want to feel you 'win' a conversation. Even if the younger woman's opinion is because she's young - maybe mingling with more youthful people brings us vibrant perspectives and a long-lost sense of hope.

[@SBayrd]

I love how he never explains what 'Truth Serum' is and how it affects human psychology. If you give a human a drug, their responses to questions may change....

[@quartytypo]

As dear granny said, "If you have nothing good to say, don't say anything at all."

[@jameslmathieson]

I don't think moral or civic courage can exist so long as we allow people to harm others for saying the "wrong" thing, regardless of if that harm is physical, social, or financial. If we want people to be more publicly honest, we must reduce the risks involved in being so.

[@Irshad_MoralCourage]

You may very well be right that we have to reduce the risks of being honest. Thing is, though, who's "we"? Exercising Moral Courage -- which means standing up to our own threat-seeking brains so we're able to express our honest views in ways that invite engagement -- *is* a way of reducing risk. In other words, the "we" is you and me. You and I can't leave it to others. Someone has to go first, and second, and third. That's the dilemma: Are you willing? I am, and doing so has made me a healthier, happier person. The Dilemma explore this point in Episode 3 (which drops on Friday, Oct 4).

[@jameslmathieson]

​​@@Irshad_MoralCourage Thanks for your thoughts. Person to person, I think you are correct. The key point I would add is that purely person to person is insufficient, especially in an organization. The act of imposing negative consequences on someone for respectfully holding an opinion contrary to your own need to at least be taboo, if not explicitly banned. There is also the point made early in the video: "If I think letting you make your own choices will in some way hurt me, then I have no other choice but to try to control you". There are many people for whom the definition of how another can hurt them is either irrational or egregiously broad. I'm not sure how we overcome that.

[@shadeedmuhammad8107]

Boy this will be a lame and boring society. Then people will say one what happened. Well most people was like this as children and in high school. Malcom x, Muhammad ali, 2pac and so on would not last in this time frame, hell not even Moses or Jesus, Bruce lee people that are so weak just need to become stronger or the weak will destroy to strong then you will be left defensiveless because all yiou have will be the weak, and we know the weak all they do is complain, worry, scared therefore allowing those in power to rule forever. Just a heads up.we are leaving a mess for the children and youth to come, and it will be our fault, smh.

[@burnyizland]

LOL If there's an American alive who doesn't speak their mind I've yet to meet them. BTW self censorship has always been around - it's how we get along as a society. It was a lot better when things like religion, sex, etc were absolutely not talked about in polite company - you didn't have to lie about anything, you just.. kept it to yourself. What a concept.

[@BenIsFiguringitOut]

Exactly what I miss about life pre-social media.

[@emanuelthomas5530]

Finally someone said it

[@noewantstosleep]

I engage in ethical and political debate for fun (my friends and family are sick of me lol), so I had no idea that this was the current atmosphere in America. As long as you listen respectfully, don’t harm others, keep an open mind, and an open heart, there’s nothing to fear. I speak my truth and try to hear others’. I don’t mind being wrong, or admitting I’m ignorant, and I’m okay with ending in disagreement. I value conversation and connection too much to silence myself, so this obnoxious American will keep speaking her mind!

[@brigittebeal2237]

I kind of don’t agree with either side in this case, but would take it a step further. I think you should go into the environments you are called into, which will be the environments where you’re hated for being different, where you have to rely on spiritual insight to keep going. And I think you shouldn’t stop just because you’re not being welcomed with open arms. This goes back to the saying that many of the first will be last.

[@Commnteri]

RESHARE THIS!!!

[@jackpatrick676]

Because no one wants to be screamed at, belittled, targeted, by idiots who don’t know or refuse to understand the opposition. Silent majority rules.

[@Spline3Dexperiments]

This is so true!!

[@dojokonojo]

Self-censorship is a symptom of wokeness in politics gone going too far

[@tarek_maza]

Not only America, It's all over the world

[@thewiseowl8804]

How do you know?

[@Baker311]

@@thewiseowl8804Because the internet is close to global on the closed ones it is not difficult to guess and many people spill their angles into the web.

[@JustATakit]

Well, it is pretty clear that the guy who said he was on food stamp lied and more than likely had never been on them before.

[@tedyshor]

Not all people know how to listen...some don't even want to 😅

[@thewiseowl8804]

That’s why it’s more important to know when it’s _worth_ saying anything.

[@AnymMusic]

I've had that same view for a while. It's rarely really WHAT you say that is the biggest issue (ofc exceptions apply), it's HOW you communicate it to others. You can get away saying so much more if you know how to communicate it

[@Skyking6976]

As someone well educated, when I try and discuss issues with Trumpers they throw out conspiracy theories, gross exaggerations and the like so I walk away. It reminds me in my younger days when I would date an attractive girl who wasn’t very bright. I’d get bored, may have already cut a new one from the herd and the girl would start saying crazy stuff out of anger and since I didn’t care, I’d respond logically as if I was in court, which would anger the girl even more because I wasn’t “listening”.

[@BLUERAVENWANDERER]

Religious cults did this

[@Babarudra]

peer pressure to be part of the popular crowd.

[@thewiseowl8804]

Weak mindset

[@dulpurp]

The lady who only wants to take the time to speak when someone is going to be convinced by her will be silent forever.

[@sherpa_dave]

Where are all the free thinkers who aren't afraid to say what's on their mind?? Are there really that few of us?

[@winstonoboogie2424]

It's hyper presumptuousness. It's common everyday verbal abuse. Because you can't handle hearing more than four syllables and you're already forming a reply to a conclusion you've jumped to.

[@jonathanm9436]

I wonder whether the culture of individualism leads people to value, and therefore guard, their egos more, leading to hypervigilance and a constant threat response.

[@Controversial_issues]

The discussion topic was good, but it felt like I was watching a play with the camera panning back to the audience "pretending" to take notes attentively, and the two-note background music playing as if something dramatic was about to happen. It’s not really my favorite style, and it even made me feel like I was watching a documentary titled “True Stories I Don’t Want to Believe.”😛

[@marco8060]

Confidence to be who you are and act accordingly, the awareness of knowing how this affects you and others, skill to navigate the changes that come, interpersonal politics of dealing with the people of influence who are critically involved, and the acceptance of your positioning in life after this. These things are indeed scary. Not all aspects of these important enough compared to the risk. Some are. You must be wise enough to know. The really strange part is: People can agree with you and contort the idea irreparably. Others wont have a full appreciation of what you mean and oppose you to an almost violent degree. Just look at how American politics is today. "Twisted messages from the wrong messengers". I honestly mis Obama. I'm not even American.

[@harrypearle9781]

FACE SAVING DEVICES needed to wake up Trumpsters, now (For example, show a person with a TRUMP MASK and ask him to take it OFF. Show the person taking off the TRUMP MASK, and ask him to WAKE UP now ============================================================= TNX

[@harrypearle9781]

TNX

KZbin censorship concerning Palestine and Ukraine is insane. Probably AI* In any case, content creators self-censoring has become a norm on this platform.

[@paulanderson9650]

I am well aware of my ability to put my foot in my mouth, and I kinda figure there is no good reason to let anyone know what I think.

[@KittyPepperPhd]

What?! Why wouldn't someone be able to buy chunky peanut butter with food stamps? It's FOOD. I get the point of the story, but that's just bonkers!

[@GoGreaterGood]

If I had to take a wild guess, the local store owner had some experience with food stamp people stealing or something -- or just thought they were lazy... and was semi-harassing all of them with arbitrary policies / embarrassment... to get them to stop coming in -- or simply to get a dopamine kick of superiority.

[@KittyPepperPhd]

@@GoGreaterGood Well, I can believe that. My sister used to babysit for a nurse that lived in an upper middle-class neighborhood, and went to a store in that area. When she paid for her stuff with food stamps, the bagger refused to bag her items! A snobby bagger. 😳💩

[@thewiseowl8804]

It was because peanut butter is junk food and the clerk was offended that someone would use handouts to poison their household.

[@harrypearle9781]

HARRIS should push being the FIRST WOMAN PRES? I fear that Dems are unable to push other issues to WIN this election (First WOMAN PRES can motivate all WOMAN, minoritys, etc) =====================================================

[@harrypearle9781]

TNX

[@Rolkey]

She’ll get discriminated against due to being a woman. It’s just that, just like how Obama had rumours made about him being a terrorist all because of his name.

[@davidcubillos3884]

The world 🌎 is big enough!