An H of G

[@vlogbrothers]

The Awesome Coffee Club is almost sold out (for now)! Great coffee, 100% of profits to charity. Learn more and subscribe: awesomecoffeeclub.com -John

[@Yesyourfaceshari]

I call it the benefit of the doubt. I think it is real important and talk to my kids about it.

[@samplesandtests]

looking forward to my subscription

[@communist_kirby]

John... ending the video with "Hank of Green, I'll see you on Friday" was RIGHT THERE

[@untappedinkwell]

ahhhhhh missed opportunity for sure!

[@vigilantcosmicpenguin8721]

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[@user-th3tg4fb5g]

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[@paperheartzz]

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[@AngDevigne]

Congratulations! You won the comment section 😂

[@Kelvin2themoon]

The wisest thing my brother ever said to me: "If someone cuts you off in traffic, assume they are having explosive diarrhea ."

[@MexicanAndaJew]

Best

[@christinameneses]

😂My go-to is "assume someone is giving birth in the backseat."

[@ravenofroses]

when someone is driving terribly near me, i always try to imagine it's because of something very silly, like an intense need to pee or attempting to discreetly unpick a wedgie. it's maybe a little mean-spirited, but less stressful than getting mad about it.

[@LeelaHammTheBlindian]

Omgg ever since I was little i would say “they probably have a preganant wife in the car that needs to get at the hospital” because my parents were very impatient with road rage I hated.

[@heypookeybearitisi]

@@LeelaHammTheBlindianTHIS IS WHAT I DID ALL THE TIME AS A KID. Glad to know I'm not the only one!

[@Amelia-pp4wm]

I had no idea there was a more formal term for this! My mom introduced the H of G concept ages ago as what I call the Pot of Beans principle. Whenever someone was driving way more slowly than seemed necessary, to the point of annoyance, she would remind herself of the time that a friend was driving to a party with a super-full pot of baked beans in the passenger footwell, and had to drive extra cautiously to not spill. Whenever myself or a sibling was irritated by someone's behavior that seemed irrational or inconsiderate, she'd remind us that "Maybe they have a pot of baked beans." Now, if it's a situation I genuinely am helpless to change, sometimes I make it a challenge to think of the wildest reason somebody could be behaving oddly (conspiracies involving toucans are good). In the short term, it helps keep my mind off the inconvenience, and in the long term, it gets easier to practice empathy when you're not otherwise inclined. It's good exercise.

[@hayley6767]

What a fantastic mom you have. I'm going to try to employ this idea in traffic this week :)

[@vigilantcosmicpenguin8721]

the P of B.

[@harmonicaveronica]

I've driven with 3 tier wedding cakes in the back of a car on many many occasions! It's something that requires driving very carefully with super slow turns. I have a lot of patience for people driving slowly. I struggle to have patience for people who do the opposite and are weaving and speeding, because it's dangerous

[@ClaireF_]

I love this so much!

[@TheNicolexoxo]

I love this so much

[@geraldjacobs7824]

I saw h of g, and I was like oh no here we go with composite functions Edit: not calculus

[@itisdevonly]

That's where my mind went too!

[@osirisapex7483]

Heart of gold

[@adrienanderson7439]

Yeah, I was thinking groups since H of G could be interpreted as H is a subgroup of G. Although, I dont know why I would immediately think that John was gonna talk about abstract algebra. Everyone comes to the discussion with a different initial impression based on there own expirences I guess. I might be rambling, have a good day.

[@firebrain2991]

@@adrienanderson7439 My mind was also on group theory, especially as I've been self-studying representation theory

[@ashenbreese]

i think this comment wins!

[@emmanuelramirez6593]

Sometimes, I forget to apply the h of g to myself, which usually means I won’t apply it to others. Thank you for this John.

[@rachelpayne78]

yes

[@morebirdsandroses]

Wow, you said a lot there🦋🏵️

[@TravisD.Barrett]

Lol, I’m in Divinity school and am doing my dissertation on hermeneutics. This encapsulates exactly how I feel and what I’ve been trying to explain to people, in contrast to a hermeneutics of suspicion!

[@catherinecase1142]

An H of S is such a miserable way to live!

[@SevenHunnid]

I’m just a young humble stoner from the hood & i review weed products on my KZbin channel lol to be productive 🙏

[@manders76]

Also in divinity school and one of my teachers talked about a hermeneutic of abundance--it's hard to have an h of g if you believe resources/love/whatever are scarce and therefore you (and others) have to earn them instead of just receiving them because you're a human being

[@ericagoehring1089]

I love that John used the word "hermeneuted." I totally get it!

[@vigilantcosmicpenguin8721]

@@ericagoehring1089 The way you hermeneut is very important.

[@catherinecase1142]

And the H of G isn’t just something you do out of kindness for other people. When I can employ the H of G (which is not all the time!), it’s much easier to feel happy and hopeful myself.

[@GM-pn2bi]

For those of us that are poor, how we feel about things is largely irrelevant. We're still getting completely screwed over by the system. Doing things to help people also makes you feel more hopefully, and has the added benefit of actually doing something.

[@catherinecase1142]

G M, thanks for this response. I completely agree that no amount of reframing changes the fact that injustice exists (and that we should work to correct it). For small inconveniences like waiting in a checkout line, I think H of G can make us happier. For more important issues, it may change the way we approach conversations and advocacy, but if it makes us complacent, then we’ve missed the point.

[@Efflorescentey]

I’d love to know how, it just makes me feel hopeless. The fact that all these people are being let down and there is so much that could be done that people in power consistently fail to improve upon

[@foxylovelace2679]

Someone once said [highly paraphrased] forgiveness is not something you give to another person. It's something you give to yourself. I think she was a survivor of the Mengele twin experiments.

[@davetoms1]

_"Are you okay?"_ is my favorite response when a stranger yells, acts out, or insults me angrily. _"You seem deeply upset about this, more than I would've thought. Are you okay?"_ instead of yelling back or defending my stance or escalating the situation, this simple question - not always but often - gives them a brief moment of introspection. And sometimes that's enough to de-escalate the situation. I suppose this is an H of G, of a sort.

[@morebirdsandroses]

I don't know, but that seems rather genius to me. Thanks!😸🦋

[@Kyermemehtar]

I'm a preschool teacher and sometimes it can feel like my whole day is reminding the children to be kind to one another, to take a moment to think before they react, to see if a kind word would work as well or even better than whacking the offending party; but they're children and they're learning and there's so much joy when they try kindness and end up friends. It can be even more depressing when I leave work and see the exact same rush to be offended in the grown-ups around me. Then I come here and I remember that I'm not alone. I belong to a community that strives together and reminds each other to not forget to be awesome. Thanks Nerdfighteria!

[@sanchitagolder]

i’m going to cry, goodnight 🥺😭🤍

[@dylangergutierrez]

That's good work you're doing. Not only are you reminding them, you're teaching and reinforcing those things to people who are extremely malleable and receptive to that message, and while I'm sure it's exhausting for you to have to repeat it, that constant gentle reinforcement will pay dividends in each of those children's lives down the line. You're encouraging these kids to become the kind of adult you would like to be surrounded by.

[@emmymade]

The 'H of G'!!!! I learned something new. 💫 THANK YOU!

[@saritacheeks]

Samesies!!!

[@ToyKeeper]

Also known as the principle of charity -- interpreting what people say and do in the most favorable way you can think of... seeking the strongest, most coherent version of the arguments other people make. It's the opposite of a strawman fallacy. And it's absolutely required, to have any meaningful communication about complex or divisive topics.

[@kiyahforever]

Yes! The myopic scope of the social internet makes generosity a difficult thing to give on the day to day. But it's so, so, so important to remember that behind each comment, video, tik tok, and post is a complex and vast individual. One who requires generosity and even grace.

[@hibiscusman]

Says a lot about John's thought processes that "rumination" popped into his brain within a second of the query. Big mood.

[@andreachristenson7069]

Meanwhile my first response to that question was “sneeze.” 😅

[@lonestarr1490]

@@andreachristenson7069 Nah, I wouldn't say that. At least to me sneezing can come pretty hard from time to time. Like, you have the feeling you have to sneeze, but, for some incomprehensible reason, you find yourself unable to do so.

[@hibiscusman]

@@lonestarr1490 being unable to sneeze when you need to - the human condition

[@KuroshitsujiAndMe]

@@andreachristenson7069 sneezing is not normal!!!!!

[@TilmanBaumann]

rumination is real hard and disgusting without the specialised digestive tract of a ruminate

[@gizatsby]

I'm so glad there's a phrase now for this kind of intentional empathy. You'll rarely get to the root of a problem by assuming evil intent is behind it, because people feel justified in their actions. Remove all the "evil" people you want, the causes that created them are still there, and you're likely just as susceptible to them. You can be angry. You SHOULD be angry. But be careful where you're directing it.

[@GrayCatbird1]

That’s an interesting thought, it’s true that assuming people are evil has only one solution, cutting them off. It ultimately doesn’t contribute to address the problem. That’s my biggest qualm with polarization on an issue. It created a narrative where there’s a bad people out there that we can do nothing about out there, when these people are part of the same community and there is no way to not live with them.

[@noyb72]

@@GrayCatbird1 You are correct, there is no way to not live with them, but that doesn't change the fact that they are bad people; in reality we are bad people almost always. I disagree with having only one solution. The solution is to realize that everyone performs in manners we're not happy with, and we do the same to everyone else. Directing empathy to identify the true issue, and approaching it rationally (anger is absolutely unproductive) allows us to work with the productive attributes others can deliver in spite of their behaviors that we see as shortcomings. Case in point, Russia has a pretty good space program, and they just used it to bring an American home, even though the US is funding the opposition in a war with Russia. Cutting someone off removes their resources from the equation.

[@vigilantcosmicpenguin8721]

@@GrayCatbird1 Bad people will remain bad people until you treat them like good people.

[@ctorres9552]

This reminds me of what Matt colville says “imagine people complexly” I think it goes in the same spirit of H of G

[@EcceJack]

I've learned that phrase ("imagine people complexly") from Hank and John :) I suppose this is a more... directed/specific application of similar reasoning/reminders of how things work

[@SockimusPrime]

Matt is a big fan of the vlogbrothers, and I'm pretty sure he got it from them, so it's all come full circle, really!

[@SamBellows]

may have come from vlog brothers "Changing our Business a bit" from October 7, 2016, Hank attributed that quote to John. :D

[@kmbehrens14]

It’s why their company is called Complexly. 🙂

[@maskmedia7613]

I've lived my life using "H of G" without ever putting a label or meaning behind it. I've always found it confusing that others don't. This sounds more concise than saying "benefit of the doubt" and I appreciate this post.

[@colonelb]

I've been thinking a lot lately on "what is the right kind of wrong to be?" in society. Referring to the adage, "It is better that ten guilty persons escape than that one innocent suffer". We are going to be wrong either way, and since 100% accuracy is unattainable, we have to decide on which to err - and personally I think extending H of G to those that maybe don't deserve it is still the "right kind of wrong to be".

[@steggopotamus]

It can be so difficult though when the one guy who really super shouldn't have been let back out on the streets harms multiples of people. My only consolation of an attempt at a solution is to hope we eventually stop making our criminal system about rigid laws and vengeance (x crime = x punishment) but eventually about preventing harm and importantly psychology that's well grounded in science. Psychological research recently had a reproducibility crisis come to light and science is often clouded by individual biases (racism, sexism etc) so, even this as a solution feels so far away, but still it's the best solution I can think of.

[@Toffrox]

This morning I wrote in my journal "i feel like i've been more cynical when meeting new people lately", so this framework for thinking about how to try and not do that could not have come at a better time. Thanks, John!

[@justinbandy3914]

I've known about the Fundamental Attribution Error (where we judge others by their actions, and ourselves by our intent) for quite some time. And the H of G is a tool one can employ to overcome that error. A tool I wish I had known about long ago.

[@mephitismephitis4045]

This video made me think of the Fundamental Attribution Error as well. I like how to describe an H of G as a tool to avoid making that error.

[@MrUtak]

This reminds me of something my former boss insisted so much on me that it stuck. As a TA and as an instructor, I would easily get upset and vindictive when students cheated or failed to accomplish easy tasks or were seemingly trying to abuse class policies to get better grades. She always insisted in giving the students the benefit of the doubt. This ensure that no matter what happens, by giving students the benefit of the doubt and assuming the reasons behind their actions is justified, most of the time, the student is given a fair chance. Not only that, this type of class environment fosters sincerity, growth, and a positive environment, versus a punishing and negative environment which students are therefore afraid or angry, which diminishes learning. Basically, the H of G in a classroom is extremely beneficial, and if you focus on changing instructions and rules to better fit the learning community you are engaging with in the class, students will have a better time in class, and overall learn more and better. I like the H of G!

[@brianbuchanan57]

I've often deployed something less cool sounding over my years of teaching physics: the well of infinite patience. There are a legion of reasons the work in a classroom can start to bother me - students needed directions repeated or going over how to isolate variables again and again - but I learned quickly that my reaction to those moments affects everyone's will to carry on. Being annoyed, dismissive, or snarky helps no one; on the contrary, students need to FEEL supported if they're going to ASK for support which is, like, the whole point. And so while I still sometimes fail, I try to treat each of these small moments as new and provide only what is asked of me. Thank you for the new perspective on perspective-ing!

[@Karishma_Unspecified]

I'm a Physics grad student, and I would not have gotten to grad school and discovered the wild wonders of Physics, had it not been for my teachers' and profs' infinite well of patience. I want to tell you that the effort you are putting in is worth it.

[@bouncingbean]

The combination of Brian’s comment, and Karishma’s reply, made me tear up a bit in a way I can’t really articulate. Thank you both for this moment of resonating empathy.

[@brianbuchanan57]

@@Karishma_Unspecified This made my day, thank you so much for your kind words. Students that stay curious and keep asking questions make it all worth it; congratulations on making it this far and never stop!

[@wayland8]

Well of infinite patience IS SUCH A COOL NAME!!!

[@sanchitagolder]

lol i’ve always wondered if asking questions to teachers annoys them, since they’ve probably taught it so many times (to our batch AND over the years), and then my question must be so old and frayed to them as well; now i know that is in fact true and i should ask google 🤣

[@air1fire]

1:40 I did exactly that a couple days ago, there were 24 coupons. But the people behind me as well as the cashier were very understanding and found it just as amusing as I did. And I only spent less than 25 cents on all that food!

[@FrazNinja]

In constant awe of how much wisdom you can fit into 4 minutes

[@deelots3009]

1:37 reminded me of Hank's song from 2007: Hello evil lady At the grocery store It seems that you don't know What the express lane is for It says twelve items or less But you're exempt from that I guess And you started an argument about coupons (I'm Going to Kill You, 2007)

[@patrickcollier7090]

When I was an undergrad studying history the version of this I learned was something called historical charity. It meant always trying to give historical figures the benefit of the doubt that they were trying to make the best decisions they could given the facts they had and the culture they were a part of.

[@MarkThePage]

Ooh, that's good. I've been trying to better explain why it's ignorant to hold people from the past accountable to today's values and understandings. They didn't have the opportunities to learn to see the world like we do now.

[@patrickcollier7090]

@@MarkThePage I like to think of visiting the past as visiting a foreign country, the people don't speak the same, have the same customs, food, dress or cultural norms. Trying to understand the people of the past in the context of their world is super important.

[@connormcgee4711]

@@MarkThePage Very true! Also having the humility to recognize that not just us as individuals, but our whole society, might be as flawed in their reasoning as the past people we read about. Even if our lense is clearer, we might have a different prescription.

[@SawtoothWaves]

my brain: the Hank of Green

[@Rithene]

Nice to have a phrase to talk about this! I always try to do this. I feel like, especially when it comes to politics, imagining others as heartless monsters set on making the world a worse place is a very dangerous thing to do. Imagining them as trying their best, even if they're very misguided, gives us common ground and the possibility of making positive change together.

[@shellh929]

Just finished listening to the Mountains Beyond Mountains audiobook (YA version) through Wisconsin's Digital Library. Ten people were in line to borrow it after me. It's very good and made this community's commitment to helping Partners in Health that much more real to me. Paul Farmer was an amazing person and his commitment to the health and well being of the world's poor is unparalleled.

[@TheGirlonfire25]

I haven't read it yet but I put it on the YA recommended display at the library where I work

[@dgill441]

I need to check if my library has it! thanks for the reminder!

[@randomsandra4039]

Thank you! I just put myself in line to borrow it. AND …thinking of how to do an undergrad honors thesis on Dr Farmer and “H of G”! I was trying to come up with a positive theme…

[@Polyfire]

Having watched Vlogbrothers videos since 2007, I adore and appreciate that as Hank, a science communicator, and John, a love and language communicator, get older, they continue to share their personal growth of knowledge and wisdom in their fields that they are already so well-respected in. I’m so grateful to live a life in a world where I am able to continue “growing up” with these incredible brothers.

[@Natalie-101]

This is something I've always prided myself on, but the older I get the harder it is because everyone around me is so bad at it. I don't get road rage because I've accidentally cut people off before and I wasn't being stupid or self centered or on my phone when it happened, so it's easy to think they're probably just trying their best as well. But everyone around me in my adult life is so quick to anger and blame and sometimes I hear my thoughts and realize it's what my dad would say, not what I actually think, for example, and I do my best to stop

[@WhySoSquid]

Years ago I heard someone say that your initial, gut-react thoughts tend not to be what you genuinely think, because if you give yourself a moment to consider you'll often come to a different conclusion than in the heat of the moment...so people can sometimes get impatient with me because I don't voice a response immediately 😅 I like to pause and take in possible explanations for this or that, and I've found it an effective method for navigating the roiling sea of emotions we encounter every day 🙏

[@kf10147]

I would consider showing some people in your life this video or else expose them to this concept. I did so with my dad about five years ago and his road rage is down significantly. I like to explain it as telling yourself a lie to explain bad behavior. It allows you to feel sympathy for someone instead of judging them.

[@pendlera2959]

Yes, I've noticed on Reddit people tend to come up with the most malicious motives for why someone would support or defend something and flat out refuse to believe that any more legitimate motives or reasons might exist. For instance, with abortion, a lot of pro-choice people refuse to accept that pro-life people genuinely see abortion as murder. Instead, they assume it's solely about controlling women and perpetuating poverty. However, I was raised an Evangelical and have since become an Atheist and I remember believing that abortion was murder, so I can ignore that uncharitable assumption about pro-life people and try to approach them from a place I know would have been compelling to me when I was where they were. Unfortunately, since I haven't been everything or held every belief, it's much harder to retain that charity towards others when I haven't seen things from their side myself. The more I'm around people who look for the worst motives in others, the harder I find it to use the H of G.

[@r00k1n355]

John, I literally just preached about a month ago in my church. (PS high five from a double major History and Religious Studies who DID go to seminary. Discernment is big stuff, and in your way, you minister all the dang time.)

[@kf10147]

I've never thought of hank and john that way but I couldn't agree more. They've really fulfilled that role in my life for almost a decade now helping me to become a better person through their words and personal morals.

[@jporrasedit]

I love this. I have been doing this for some years. The way I put it is "I rather be taken for a fool a hundred times than for a jerk once". It's sometimes hard to stick to it because I work in direct contact with people that sometimes just assume I'm there to get them, but I've found it to be ultimatelly rewarding and even beneficial in the long term. Less conflict, less background noise, easier to find common ground and objetives to reach for alongside whoever I am working with.

[@morebirdsandroses]

I really like the "fool vs jerk" ratio. Thanks🤔☺️🦋

[@varadaagarwal4859]

Today was such a tiring day. This helped me greatly. Thank you John. Sincerely, a very grateful person.

[@bethanyfield6035]

I hope tomorrow is less tiring

[@shannarchy]

Most important thing I have ever really learned, accepted, and put into practice from therapy is that everyone is doing the best they can in a given moment with what they have, including me. I think this is the same lesson in different words, and it is definitely an important and difficult lesson. Thanks for sharing it with more people!

[@tabeamichellefrohlich6292]

tell me why i read "an hank of green"

[@rachelmcnally8144]

++

[@IAmSilverlined]

This is a philosophy I kind of started living by after a short stint in a PHP program. Turns out when empathy is a guiding force in your life, a lot of worldwide confusion gets cleared up. It’s cool to have a name for this, and a cool name at that. I appreciate the wisdom, John!

[@sylvy16]

“What’s easier to do than to say?” That you love someone, especially someone from your family. It’s much easier to show physical affection and perform acts of service than to tell your family you love them at least in my experience.

[@Rosalie_Jansen]

You probably meant to say "What's easier to do than to say", right? Anyways, I agree, it's so hard to say I love you sometimes, especially to family members or close friends, not so much romantic partners.

[@MsBlulucky]

but isn't that the opposite? Love is easier to "do" (aka show) than to say

[@sylvy16]

@@Rosalie_Jansen Yeah i had misquoted it.

[@pendlera2959]

That's such an odd thing to me. I was raised saying I love you before bed, whenever we left the house, before hanging up the phone, when making up after an argument, when you see someone going through a rough time and want to tell them you care even if you can't help, etc. Saying it so often sometimes made it feel like a meaningless pleasantry, but I can't imagine the opposite, where you feel you can't say it even if you want to. Not trying to judge or anything, just expressing surprise. If you don't mind my asking, what happens when you do say you love someone nonromantically? Do they make fun of you for being sentimental or something?

[@plushy9849]

I need this. I'm way too angry and judgemental and I'm often wary of going anywhere for fear of what I'll encounter and what it will trigger inside of me. I will use this and practice as hard as I can, as it's no fun being angry.

[@vlogbrothers]

"Hermanooded." - John Green - Hank

[@morebirdsandroses]

Boy, did I need this! I'm belatedly discovering the inner crab and get into practicing too zealously☹️. An approach like this reminds me of _why_ I decided not to follow in family footsteps of criticism. Thanks for the chance to renew my faith in 💖 decency as my choice😊😸🦋

[@bubblewrapfred]

Yessssss, this habit revolutionized my online experience about two years ago. And the amount of unpleasant online encounters I had plummeted. Because when people are scared or stressed and you respond defensively, things tend to escalate or at least stay tense. When you respond with compassion, often they stop communicating from that fear or stress, and so many valuable conversations have come out of situations that used to leave my stomach churning and my pulse racing. I absolutely love learning why someone who thinks differently to me about something thinks differently about it

[@nikkiking4044]

In teaching, we have a similar saying- Assume Best Intentions. Assume that the person you are working with also wants to succeed and is acting in a way that will bring about success. This is also hard to do when working with admin, or difficult students, or stubborn colleagues, but it is important to remember.

[@daveayerstdavies]

"Together we can choose better" is the most reassuring and hopeful thing I have heard in a very long time. Thank you for making our future seem a little less bleak.

[@41DegreesSouth]

As I watched this video, my five year old son snuggled in and commented "This is one of the best days we've ever had, ay Dad?" - and all of a sudden it was.

[@maggieeire3964]

H of G is something I hadn't heard before, but the concept is very well known to me after being through years of DBT (Dialectical Behavioural Therapy) founded by Dr. Marsha Linehan. It's a branch off of CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and one of the core principles outside of the near verbatim language John used here (non-judgemental, mindful, empathetic, etc.) is that of dialectics. The easiest way it has been described to me is that every person is allowed the opportunity to interpret what is happening by thinking about every potential cause of the distressing trigger. More plainly, if your car is broken down on the side of the road and your best friend/neighbor drives right past you, you have the opportunity to interpret that as a slight, ruminate on what may have happened for them to clearly go right past you - what did you do wrong or maybe what are you justified in being angry with them not helping you. Or you can interpret it is the "H of G" and think about what they are going through - maybe they're going to the hospital, or late to work, didn't see you at all, etc., etc. It doesn't matter which came first, but it does matter that one way or another people are learning a priceless skill to more effectively interact with the people and world around them.

[@ThousandTimesBefore]

Maybe the designer bag was a gift they received by a well meaning acquaintance, an incredible thrift shop find or a knock off! :)

[@ernest3286]

Or maybe they grew up surrounded by intense societal pressure to present an outward appearance of wealth, and made poor financial decisions because of it. Even if that is something worth condemning as a behavior, it will almost never help you to condemn the person themselves. Much better to correct that sort of mindset by fostering understanding through love, empathy, good principles. 💜

[@Khofax]

I feel like the best practice for this is to read The Great Gatsby under that lens, the story becomes suddenly more vivid and reveals many thought cascades to plunge into.

[@narnigrin]

"Rumination... is not that hard to say but it's SO easy to do" Spoken like a true neurotic, John. I feel ya.

[@sarahcoleman5269]

I've never heard of this term before, but it pretty much describes my life philosophy. I think it began in 8th grade when I realized that bullies are probably reflecting their own insecurities on others. I just continued to see how others can be acting out of fear and frustration and decided to give people a bit of grace because of it. It took a long while after that to learn where the line between grace and not tolerating abuse came.

[@dolphindance101]

I watched this video when it first came out and now I am taking a nursing class based on this very concept! Except we call it relational inquiry. Love this presentation of it though so I had to come back and watch it again!

[@LemonPetrichor]

A lovely concept, and something I will certainly practice more. I always love how well articulated the thoughts you present are, and I'm aware that's due to conscious effort on your part and it is an effort I appreciate. Thanks john

[@reit915]

This is one of your best videos, John. The time and effort you put into writing these thoughts has brought forth something very beautiful and human. I am proud every day to be a participant in the community you and Hank have grown.

[@ireallyhatemakingupnamesfo1758]

I feel like an H of G is also a really important part of how we define political identity. A selective H of G allows us to see problems as being always about someone else, because we know that "our team" is full of "good people" and "good people" always have rationalizations as to why they do things. I agree with the central thesis of an H of G beinv important, but if will always be easier to apply it to the "us"es that we construct rather than the "us" that is humanity

[@cloud_appreciation_society]

I'm prone to self righteousness and I've actually found extending H of G to other people makes me more critical of my own beliefs. With H of G I no longer see myself as particularly special or enlightened. I'm just another human who thinks they're doing the right thing, like most other humans. Which makes me more willing to listen to others or try to find ways in which I might be well intentioned but wrong.

[@lillieleach4299]

I love this so much and it reminds me of my own philosophy of always assuming people are trying their best. Perhaps even more relevant is the concept of fundamental attribution error which I think everyone should know about and think about all the time!

[@apopheniac4231]

this is among the most beautiful spoken audio i've encountered since DFW's "This Is Water"

[@catali33]

It was nice hearing this because I feel like even though your examples were of somebody slowly paying in line at the store. In my city we have a huge homeless problem and our city seem to lack empathy and goodwill of human beings. It’s our job as citizens of America to try and find solutions not more reasons to complain an to be unhappy.

[@DefiningLiz]

Thank you for so eloquently putting into words what I cannot; this is exactly how I try to approach daily life, but I’ve never been able to explain my philosophy adequately to others. I love learning more about both the world and myself from your videos.

[@nathanaelhoeft5421]

I feel like I will be referencing this video for years to come, sharing it with friends and colleagues and then rewatching it for myself again.

[@nerdaccount]

Thank you! My HofG needs reinforcement and reinvigoration and you provided it. Thank you!

[@quintingell]

Nah, H of G means Hank of Green and I will not change this position

[@sebastienvondoom8615]

That was literally my first thought!

[@untappedinkwell]

I look forward to this becoming Hank's new email sign off.

[@t3hsis324]

John is such a master wordsmith. This has been a core value of me, but never had a term for it that explains it so well. This is why he writes books, and I just rant on social media... seemingly screaming into the void, rather than lay it on one individual person... Didn't think anyone was listening, honestly.

[@taylorgregrich2336]

Currently i’m a social work student, and this is the approach I hope to have when working with client’s when I finish. Many people suffering is not the direct fault of their own but are rather the fault of much larger system. When we view people with kindness rather then distain work becomes more solutions focused rather the problem focused!

[@kmbehrens14]

Your examples remind me of that wonderful speech, “This is Water” by David Foster Wallace - a speech that I first learned about from you, John, many years ago. Thanks for reminding us to think generously, brothers. ❤️

[@ThePvPDestiny]

Thanks for putting a name to a thing I have been unwittingly following for a few years now. Whenever a stranger does something annoying to me I always imagine what would need to happen for me to let them off the hook for it and assume it happened.

[@Nebufelis]

Yes! The H of G - related to the principle of charity and the idea that you should never assume malice if you can assume (at worst) stupdity - is a life changer once you discover it. It is like losing a sickness you never knew you had, and afterwards life is better, not least because so many interactions turn from fights to mere misunderstandings.

[@GrayCatbird1]

At one point I was a big wiki editor and one of the most valuable things I learned from it was one of its core guidelines to approach fellow editors: always assume good faith. It’s infinitely more productive to approach someone with an empathetic and supportive attitude than it is to lend them intentions, which is a quick lane to conflict. I’ve found that being on social media makes keeping these values *really* hard though. Especially platforms that run on outrage (like twitter or reddit). So it requires to be very deliberate and to continue work on it.

[@laineylarsen245]

I needed to hear this today. I have a coworker that I struggle to get along with and it's easy to paint them one-dimensionally. I was impressed how you tied H of G to systemic injustice - it's easy to get bogged down by the state of the world but looking at problems generously can help me feel like being a force for good is possible and achievable.

[@michaelfaith]

I've never heard that phrase before, but i've always articulated it as just assuming that everyone is doing the very best that they can. If you go into any situation just assuming that everyone, like you, is doing the very best that they can, it allows you to err on the side of empathy and understanding.

[@mommys-lil-tortlet]

I'm been personally trying to reclaim kindness and generosity in my life after bouts of abusers subverting the terms to get what they want. I'm really glad there is safety in doing generosity when it comes from a place like this

[@flowerpower3496]

I can already tell this is one of those videos I'll be coming back to. Thank you

[@hayley6767]

Oh I'm gonna use this phrase forever now. I don't know how we latched on to the idea that believing the best of others is an act of weakness or naivete rather than one of great strength. Believing the goodness of others (and ourselves) restores our sense of agency; it makes us unable to cast blame on some "other" for the ugliness we see in the world, and instead puts us all in the drivers seat, together. (PS: John, if you ever decide to discuss or write about Christianity more publicly, I will be SO excited).

[@Heeby-Jeebies]

I hadn't heard someone put my modus operandi into words, but this fits quite well. To be sure, it's difficult to employ in all situations, but it can be done! Thank you, John. I think this video was needed in the world.

[@hollymarie2577]

I talk to everyone willing to listen about "assuming positive intent" or at least "assuming neutral intent" b/c it has literally changed my life for the SO SO SO much better since I began trying my best to do so in my life. This might be my favorite vlogbrothers yet. Thank you for teaching me The H of G. (Also my initials are H.G. and I've never been happier about it!)

[@bladwor]

Can't... can't even tell you how much I needed this today, particularly inwardly. Thanks, John.

[@BalladOfLooks]

I grew up in a church called Heart of God. The video title immediately made me think of that. The church was full of ex-bikers who'd lived rough lives and turned away from alcoholism and drugs and violence to seek God, and a huge amount of the ministry involved understanding others, no matter how rough they seem at the moment. Turns out I was almost right.

[@urbfffatima]

I am always impressed by your ability to be current and timeless at the same time. What an incredibly thoughtful video.

[@bestLetsplayer]

H of G was probably best described and argued for by David Foster Wallace's famous commencement speech "This is water".

[@empathyisonlyhuman7816]

Hi John! I'd like to share a perspective about what you've said in this video. As human beings, as we evolved and developed language in all the divergent corners of this little blue planet of ours. It literally fell to us to create and define what is good and what is not so good. Realizing this, it should not be surprising to recognize that we defined basic human nature as what is good. Therefore the fact that most human beings, align with the behaviors exhibited within that which is humane. Is a thing we should most often expect of those around us.

[@raquelc.c.4195]

Thanks for bringing this topic up, I think it's such an important conversation to be had in this day and age. I had never used this expression before, but the hermeneutics of generosity is something I think about a lot as a clinical psychologist. I see in my practice very good people behaving very badly sometimes, and it's usually because they are angry and afraid, because they have been badly hurt by others who are, usually, also good people at heart. Unfortunately, I believe H of G is something that comes with what I call a "family emotional privilege"; meaning if you have had compassion and fair boundaries shown to you most of the time in your childhood, you can probably practice a more favorable H of G then if you haven't. That is not an absolute, of course, like any other type of priviledge. But I find it's much harder to show compassion for others when you haven't been shown any. This is why I truly appreciate what you and Hank do here through your ever compassionate words and actions.

[@emilypaule5748]

I really needed this reminder about seeing the goodness and kindness in people today, and to hear someone else insist that it is a moral imperative to be generous with others. Thanks, as always :)

[@seaweedbrain3892]

Hey John, I'm a recently joined nerdfighter and this is like the third video of yours I'm watching. I came here only because I've read all of your books and I think you're a really good writer- my favourite writer, actually. And how could I be doing justice to my favourite writer if I didn't watch his KZbin channel? So I came here, and I just wanted to say, I already love it so much. Also, does it make me a bad nerdfighter that I've only watched 3 videos and I'm in 12th grade right now so I probably wouldn't have the time to watch your previous uploads? I'll follow your upcoming videos regularly, though... Love from India 💜💜

[@whereisangie]

WELCOME!!! its great to see new people finding this channel😊 and dont worry about how many videos you have watched- i think being a nerdfighter is more about the spirit of these ideas, you dont need to have watched all the videos or read all the books to be welcome here😊 my favourite video of John's is "How Young Is History" i think you'll like it- it blew my mind. I wish you all the best in your studies! love from canada

[@mariacargille1396]

Nope! You're not a bad Nerdfighter because you're new, or can only watch intermittently. There may be some references that you might not immediately get, but don't be afraid to ask-- long-time viewers will jump in and clarify. You're absolutely still welcome in this community, and we'll be happy any time you make it here. Best wishes for your senior year, and hello from the USA!

[@ThousandTimesBefore]

Welcome to the community! :)

[@efosdk2925]

Welcome 😁

[@untappedinkwell]

It looks like the welcome crew has found you! Hope your senior year goes well. ^^

[@a66mb]

I remember last day i was with my dad before traveling abroad, he reminded me to assume the best in people, but not being an idiot and depending 100% on it. Yeah sometimes it is really hard to search and interpret the generosity in some people’s actions, but remember, after all they are all just humans.

[@polintr]

We just saw a “failure of Will” at the Oscars, and a reason we all need to consider using an H of G.

[@annah5356]

Maybe this is dramatic but Hank and John have seriously played such a large role in the development of my patience, generosity, and empathy. I've been watching them since I was 11, I'm 21 now and so much of the way I choose to view and interact with others stems from videos like this one.

[@untappedinkwell]

+++

[@lollicupkate]

How lovely. He sounds like he had such a beautiful heart. 💖

[@MatthewBrpg]

I'd love to hear more about how this idea interacts with the paradox of tolerance.

[@kf10147]

I don't think it necessarily interacts too much as the paradox of tolerance is about society and beliefs while this is about individuals and actions. It is also completely allowed to condemn someone's intolerant actions while understanding that they are likely on some level a good person gone astray. But this might be easy to me having grown up in the south with republicans who are loving and courteous to insiders while also holding deeply intolerant views.

[@pendlera2959]

I think trying to understand where someone's intolerance comes from (not just assuming someone is evil for evil's sake) gives you a better chance of addressing it than merely trying to suppress or ban the intolerance. Obviously, some people won't be convinced. But you should still try to convince as many people as possible instead of just assuming they are unconvincable and using force too early or in a way that makes them less open to changing their minds.

[@cbpd89]

Let us all assume that the other guy is just doing their best with the day they are having. It's the level of understanding I would hope be extended to me when I am struggling through frayed nerves and sleep deprivation.

[@pam1256]

Holy moly this is just so powerful. Thank you for putting into words from Paul Farmer something I've been feeling for a long time

[@Carlos-ln8fd]

Rest in peace. I would love to learn more about Dr. Farmer.

[@k.c1126]

This is very interesting. It fits in with some conversations I had this past weekend in the youtube video comments section. I posted something, got an acrimonious response and rather than responding in kind, I stopped to think about the genuinely human emotions that incited those comments. When I responded with that in mind, I found myself involved in a genuine dialogue instead of the typical youtube slanging match. I think I'll take the H of G concept and run with it ...

[@Junosensei]

You never really know how you're going to respond to a situation when it actually happens. A few weeks ago, a guy opened my car door after I got in and pointed a gun at me without saying anything. My first response was to tip my head to the side to look at his face and ask, "Can I help you?" I think it threw him off because he turned the gun away from me as he tried to explain that he needed money for a hotel (it was one of the coldest nights of the season). I told him he was "crazy" to think he can get a hotel while threatening people in parking lots. He put the gun away and looked ashamed and I gave him the only cash in my wallet, just $40, told him to just ask around, and wished him luck. He said "thank you" and walked away. Then I called the police and they quickly found him grabbing something to eat at the gas station down the street after looking at some cameras at the store I was parked at. He was arrested, but I sincerely hope he had a place to stay that night, even if it wasn't ideal. This video kinda helps me put into words what was going through my head at the time. What I did was probably stupid and dangerous, but a part of me could tell he wasn't really a threat and he was desperate for one reason or another. Thank you.

[@The_JLav]

People I work with often state this as "assume good intentions." And it goes hand in hand with "every behavior broadcasts a need," which I maintain is the single most important thing I learned in college.

[@davidkraus5221]

Very much in line with the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh who also recently died - compassion is generally the best place to start when looking at human behavior.

[@danij5529]

When I was first introduced to this concept it was called Radical Kindness.

[@dragonflies6793]

I like the H of G for selfish reasons. I want people to treat me with an H of G, so I strive to use it in how I treat others. The result, though, is that I end up feeling better for looking at others more generously, and I find myself more grateful and forgiving and at peace. I don't succeed all the time; in fact, I fail quite a lot. But it is something to strive for, for everyone.

[@4mpersan]

H of G is a great concept to integrate into my goal to imagine people complexly. Thanks, John and Dr. Farmer.

[@ernest3286]

Was taught this from my band teacher in high school. "Even if I don't know you, I will assume you're a good person unless I have very good evidence to the contrary." I'll never forget that, and it influences every part of my worldview to this day. ... I will, however, forget to message him back when he reaches out a decade later though, apparently.

[@xSoupyTwist]

I just finished reading Mountains Beyond Mountains and smiled the moment I saw the title of this video. Thanks for the video, John!

[@jcoludar]

Wow, I wish all of the US people, especially the far-left/far-right people, would adhere to this philosophy. As a non-US person, I find the extremes of US opinions to be lacking exactly this ability to emphasize and see good in humans.

[@nathangray4601]

as a US person you’re 100% right. most people here have been indoctrinated into a culture of polarized politics, and we really pay the price for it. Our two-party system’s flaws are evident more than ever, it’s just a shame that people are raised to believe we should despise those with differing opinions than ours. I’m only 17 but I hope my generation is more empathetic

[@ballman2010]

Counter-perspective in the spirit of this video: Our perception of the prevalence (and maybe the danger) of extreme opinions is inflated by how prominently they play in various media, due to systems designed by well-meaning people who have thus far failed to adjust their systems to promote constructive discourse in society.

[@ernest3286]

Sounds to me like you all are right. I, too, hope that my generation can be even more empathetic than the last and see past our culture of polarized politics... and as part of that, I hope that we can also give the H of G to the well-meaning people to did their best in the past to build constructive systems for us today.

[@scottglajch1555]

As a person from the US, I have to say that growing up, I always found that being far-left/far-right (not what it was called then) was in fact detrimental, and silly to say the least. As someone who has lived through a trump presidency, I now feel much more like there is a far to one side that I simply cannot apply an H of G to, and an entire other side that feels like....just normal people. I can no longer accept that the far left and right are the opposite ends of a spectrum, because in truth they are not. That implies that the middle ground exists in the middle between these two views, and that is not true. One is way more extreme and detrimental than the other, and thus the middle ground lives in a different place now. It certainly complicates my desire to say "far to either side is bad", because the equivalencies, as they say, are false.

[@lmsalim]

@@scottglajch1555 +++++

[@FlyKiwi]

Something I try to remember when engaging in online discourse is to read comments in good faith and assume ignorance, not ill-intent.