An Honest Convo About Shame

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[@itsgrace]

FREE TOYS OR GIFT CARDS FOR TOYS! Everyone who signs up to my giveaway with Bellesa wins something! Get yourself a SHAMELESS treat! www.shopbboutique.co/vibe/gracehelbig-yt

[@jasey5]

"You just got thuuuumped" 10/10

[@kellinomnom]

I Got %60 off! Thank you!

[@scouts92]

thank youuuu omg

[@piercemybb]

You're an awesome lady.....

[@itsgrace]

@@kellinomnom hell yeah!

[@egv1Geo]

In a sea of terrible content on social media, that makes you feel ashamed about yourself, your body, your lack of accomplishemnts, here comes Grace being open and sharing about her feelings while also educating all of us who watch her! You are a breath of fresh air and you should be so proud of yourself!

[@itsgrace]

thank you for being here!

[@elizabethevanskiikka2184]

Grace is my OG parasocial friend and im so grateful for her 13 years later ❤️

[@johnpaulsen207]

Ditto, she and Mamrie were constant companions during the shut-down. Since then I have not missed one episode of TMGW and their offspring.

[@noakessimon]

Oh no Grace, so sorry to hear about Goose - thanks for sharing her with us and what a great life you gave her.

[@itsgrace]

💖

[@katrabbit]

@@itsgrace I remember when you first got Goose and we were honored for you to introduce her to us. Such a sweet and goofy soul. I hope the memories you made together help you through this time and her love will be with you always. 🤍🤎

[@aliza.beth.]

Grace feels like she’s terrible at articulating how she feels (relatable) then proceeds to make the most articulate description of complex and overlapping feelings

[@allentowngal4769]

Grace... I'm a 67 yo woman. IT IS SO EXCITING to see a young woman be not only open about shame, but sex toys too!!? I'm the youngest of 7 kids, yet sex was never discussed...weird huh? Your new bravado is A WONDERFUL by-product of such a horrible health crisis. You seem to be experiencing something most women dont do until around the age 50+. It's the I DONT GIVE A RATS ASS WHAT ANYONE FUCKING THINKS stage of life. REJOICE!! It takes most women too long to get past the "having to be nice" we've been taught. Look at the great strength you have now! ...and in the loss of your precious pup...I'm so sorry for the sudden emptiness in your heart. They give us so much love and we are lucky for the time they give us. You deserve that love like we all do.

[@itsgrace]

This is amazing, thank you 💖🥹

[@ambermiddleton9969]

I am SO sad to hear of Goose’s passing. She was a special soul. You are so loved.

[@titlepaige7334]

the spiral of shame when you put yourself out there while also having shame for not succeeding is so brutal

[@itsgrace]

BRUTAL

[@usagiikay]

grace, i have been following you for over 10 years now. girl have we been thruuuu it. your content has always felt so genuine and sincere and comforting. thank you so much for sharing your honesty and being so vulnerable. you have always inspired me in many ways, and today it has happened again. ive had anxiety my whole life and only in the last few years have i finally been able to tackle so many mental illness struggles. this is so relatable. you are such a rockstar. also sending you so much love about goose, she was the most beautiful pup and you were lucky to have each other

[@sazlewis]

I am a therapist, apparently ‘qualified’ to talk about the Feelings Things, and believe me, you did a great job. Shame stuff is the hardest, and vulnerability is the one hundred percent the tonic. Shame thrives in the shadows, and vulnerability.. turns the lights on? (Sure). Keep doing what you’re doing, you’re acing it. Also, I’m so sorry about Goose. What a gal. ❤️

[@itsgrace]

thank you!!

[@amasterofone]

The number of times I nodded in this video: ♾️ Also the concept of the internalized other literally blew my mind wide open

[@itsgrace]

saaaame

[@SandraLee1020]

I used to struggle with unwanted thoughts and / or memories.. but for the most part, I don't anymore. I used the hold every thought captive technique. Don't just let your mind wonder.. unless it's a positive thing for you. If it's often more negative, train yourself to truly hear and know what your mind is saying. Think of it like how when we talk out loud, there can be pauses to say exactly what you are trying to express to someone else. My thoughts sound exactly how I sound when I speak with my mouth. There is no other voice in my head. There is no bully in there. If a thought or memory tries to pop in, and say, hey! Remember when blah blah blah, I imagine those words being flushed down the toilet. I don't really have to do that anymore. Sometimes, I'll just say no outloud when negative thoughts try to poke through. I don't know if any of this is helpful, but I wanted to try and describe what has helped me. Love your videos always❤

[@tihgger7466]

I think you are doing awesome Grace. Keep on being you.... You're really helping others as you help yourself. You are worth the world... you are a blessing and worthy of the world.

[@maltezachariassen7496]

I once had a professor explain shame as "when you feel that you don't live up to the person OUGHT to be" and that kinda stuck with me. For me shame has always been some sort of feeling of disappointing my ideal self.

[@itsgrace]

yes very much that!

[@ProfSaxby]

Crushing, repetitive self doubt at three in the morning? I know that club.

[@itsgrace]

what a bummer of a club! 🙃

[@ScreenBarrier]

I, myself fell like a waste of space and have been and still treat myself so badly. I think I can pinpoint the moment when I started down this road. I was in middle school and I got humiliated by my peers that to this day it makes me want to not exist. I’m 42 and I struggle bad, and I tear up being vulnerable on the internet but I’m doing so I want to let you know that you at least make me smile. Ty grace for your time :)

[@milkywaters85]

I'm so sorry to hear about goose. Glad she was able to help you through your journey

[@taylorkills4711]

Also I started tearing up just thinking about writing myself a letter from someone else so thank you for that suggestion, I think I definitely needed it

[@VindicatedMuffins]

wow grace, incredible timing i was talking to my therapist about shame this week! i think you are very brave for sharing about your experience on your platform, thank you so much!

[@AM_watchesvideos]

I started watching your videos in college and they carried my through grad school, where I was studying to be a mental health therapist. Now I am that mental health therapist. So, thank you for the laughs that carried me through school and the real vulnerability that truly connects and heals.

[@itsgrace]

congrats on becoming a mental health therapist! we need those! honored to be a small part of your journey

[@erikamargis4518]

You’re fucking crushing it and I’m so impressed with the growth you’ve made in these past few years. It’s so refreshing seeing you just talk and be you and see you not hold back. I love it!

[@itsgrace]

💓💓

[@mommyteacher2961]

Noooo, Goose!!!! I'm so sorry, Grace. Goose always made me smile when she was on camera. Take care. xo

[@erinberglund4099]

love when you talk about your feelings with us!!!

[@rjbobb]

Sorry to hear about Goose, I remember she barked during one of your videos and you said "That's it princess, protect the palace" (Well, I thought it was funny)

[@LemonThymeArt]

I'm so sorry for the loss of Goose ❤

[@laceycahill]

As someone who has spent 30+ years feeling immense shame for what feels like purely existing, this is very relatable content. I've been on my own journey of trying to learn to like myself, because well, I haven't ever, really. Learning to be vulnerable and talk about things and not just running and hiding is totally against my nature, but I'm trying. I'm here for more of this content on feelings, they're scary and uncomfortable, thank you for sharing yours with us. Hearing someone else talk about about it helps those of us that also struggle with it feel less alone

[@itsgrace]

💓

[@supwphilosophy8375]

Omg I lost it at the acronym 🤣🤣🤣

[@sethkuczinski548]

“you know, like belly-button piercings” 😂♥️😂

[@KirstenBelmont]

once again sending y’all so much love. goose was so awesome.

[@genericplantlife]

I don't know if it's social anxiety or shame, but I find it very hard to exist in public or even in my own home when there are other people around. The self-consciousness about my looks, my actions, my words, the way I speak, the way I smell, my microexpressions and unconscious movements just dial up to 100 in the vicinity of other people - even people I love and trust. I am very much an "I do not wish to be perceived" person irl. I can't even help a stranger in public or speak up for someone because shame (or overwhelming self-consciouness and desire not to be seen or heard) holds me back. But then I feel extra shame for not being helpful when I could have been. Anyway great video! 😂

[@itsgrace]

yes I relate! I think we have to start being nicer to ourselves, ACK

[@user-br3ty9rt1m]

felt 😩

[@corvidsoup4836]

Hi internet friend! I may not know you irl but I definitely relate to this pretty hard. It took my anxiety peaking last year, and the conscious decision to make "compassion" my word to focus on this year, for me to start letting some of this go. I am still cautious and guarded about revealing how my brain works to some extent; adults inadvertently instilled a fear of judgement that led to me feeling a need to hide my neurodivergent traits as a child. And I have to give credit to my younger coworkers who I view as being much freer and open about who they are for showing me by example that it's ok to be you. But I just want you to know that you're not alone in this feeling, and struggling with this does not make you a bad person. I hope you can start to find, in small moments of trust, more acceptance and less fear of being criticized. I have a hard time knowing how to help people sometimes, and it takes practice for me to feel like I can follow through on even simple interactions, but I know learning and practicing is only going to make it easier the next time. I wish you the best of luck on your journey through life! You got this!

[@idkman02]

why did you just describe exactly how i feel. is there any solution to this because i‘m tired..

[@P4Stalot]

Yep, me, too. Until I realized I was autistic (which I am not implying you are, I am just explaining this discovery is what jump started my learning) and potentially completely misreading everybody's body language, so I started purposely assuming everybody was thinking kind thoughts, and it helped me be kinder to myself. Yeah, I might be wrong sometimes, but at least I'm not constantly mentally punishing myself anymore for something that isn't even necessarily happening! Social anxiety is, like, the devil on my shoulder.

[@MoonyMcMoonykins]

Hoooo boy, you even kindly put a trigger warning but I watched anyway, and then went and looked at the Goose instagram post, because I am not very smart. I'm so sorry for your loss. My soul dog passed away 3 years ago and I'm currently in therapy about it because I'm still grieving her like it only happened a week ago.

[@z9elka]

You had stream of contiousness segment. IT reminds me of that! I'm looking forward for more!

[@z9elka]

Also Grace.. aee you InFp by chance?

[@itsgrace]

@@z9elka not sure these days, I gotta retake the test soon

[@JustAHorrorShow]

SHAME IS THE ENEMY!

[@friskybriskyy3997]

I also really struggle to identify my own feelings. Its weird and I'm embarrassed by it, because as a grown woman I feel like I should be able to put a name to what I'm feeling but its still hard sometimes. My therapist gave me an "emotion wheel" and it actually helps. Also thank you for talking about shame. I don't think I ever really thought about what shame was but thanks to you I'm now realizing that I deal with a lot of shame too. Please do more videos like this, this was really helpful and relatable.

[@itsgrace]

i should get one of those wheels!

[@RudolfdeLang]

There's no real reason to be ashamed of sex; it is a completely natural physical act. The problem stems from our Puritan background, which is obsessed with finding evil in everything. Thus, over the years, religion and society have turned perfectly natural physical actions into something shameful or dirty. People should not be ashamed of normal physical activities and desires. Instead, society needs to mature and overcome all these puritanical prejudices. If we do that, maybe we can overcome the obsession with it and just enjoy it for what it is.

[@itsgrace]

Well said

[@erinzimmerman7953]

This video was so incredible. I love hearing your thoughts on this and it made me think about my own relationship with shame

[@annameinheart]

You are an academic tho… you did the thing! I mean you don’t have to be one to share what you learned about yourself and humans in general, but you are one!

[@itsgrace]

oh god bless!

[@suviwanswett1907]

Seriously Helbig, always making everything extraordinarily excellent ❤️💙

[@indigothecat]

This almost seemed like a ContraPoints video, hehe. Imagine, a crossover between Daily Grace and ContraPoints, Grace Helbig and Natalie Wynn. I would totally watch that.

[@artistical88]

Seriously Helbig? Awkward Much? Eeeeeeghhhh. That KILLED ME

[@thestormwar]

Embrace Change. Embrace Strange. Much love to you Grace. I'll miss seeing Goose around 🧡

[@MubinNoor]

The amount of respect and sheer appreciation I have for this woman, I could get emotional just thinking about it. Every video from Grace feels like a warm hug, not the icky ‘ew don’t touch me’ kind, but the kind where it’s just a shoulder to shoulder, arm around the other shoulder, just letting you feel acknowledged, and understood, whilst giving you the opportunity to understand them more too. To which you want to get to know, and empathize, and want to reassure that, as much as I appreciate you, I also see and appreciate who you are as a person. Essentially, listening to Grace’s two cents on things she’s figured out or in the process of figuring out, is such a meaningful transaction of thoughts and emotions, and when I introduce my friends to her content and they tell me they see a lot of her in my own personality, it is SUCH a huge compliment! I don’t even wanna get into Goose’s passing, cause I knew the day that amazing little creature died, I’d legitimately get so upset, so was sort of mentally prepared, but can’t even fathom having the strength I already know that you have Grace. I just hope you feel everything it is you need to feel, and that with time you find your peace with it, and the perseverance to continue to move forward as the remarkable person you are. That’s all for this long ass comment.

[@itsgrace]

Thank you for the incredibly beautiful comment!! 🥹

[@j.jenkins1885]

I’ve been following you a looong time and it’s kinda great that I’m still getting to know you and you’re still a positive influence to me as an adult. Genuinely, thank you. Very much appreciated.

[@JoJoRebecca]

Thank you for making this video Grace! The vulnerability and research you put into it is so appreciated.

[@EyeCMarie]

This was honestly a glass shattering moment for me and felt like a new puzzle piece fitting perfectly into my understanding of myself. It is always hard for me to remember that, for the most part, people aren’t looking for or thinking about my flaws. I hope that I’m on my journey to enjoying myself too. Thank you so so much for sharing 💖

[@itsgrace]

💪🏻

[@BrittanyButler]

Grace, you just helped me identify why I’m not allowing myself to pursue what I love. I thought I was being “stupid” or making my feelings up, but now I know what to call it. I am in a shame spiral that has been going on for years…actually, more like a decade and some change. I’ve been watching your videos for a long time - like, New York long time, and you have always made me laugh, cry and think with your content. Keep sharing because it’s going to help so many more of us millennials into putting a name to what we’re feeling. I also lost my dog recently and I know how hard it is. Goose will always be part of the Grace Helbig internet space. ❤

[@itsgrace]

💖🙏🏻

[@gladeplugin]

Oh wow, The distinction between guilt and shame really helped me understand something that has happened recently. Thank you for this video!!

[@corvidsoup4836]

Rest in peace, Goose 💝 may you be wearing shirts just for fun now, wherever you are

[@daviderl666]

.(hope this isn't too long). First, you have my utmost admiration! From years of watching your enjoyable and delightful and funny vlogs, to your inspiring and hopeful vlogs about your cancer treatments (AND your recovery!), to watching this video of you pouring your heart out concerning your inner demons! You did a Q&A one time and someone asked you if you ever watched your old "Daily Grace" vlogs, and you replied sometimes you did you were proud of them . . . and sometimes they reminded you of unpleasant/dramatic events in your life, things that WE never knew about. Things that, even so, you were still able to put on a 'happy face'' for us! Please, NEVER let stupid-based criticisms of you or your work into your consciousness! Trolls Be Damned to Hell! !! !!! Would that I had a daughter like YOU!! DAVIDERL666

[@kelseyteter7217]

Jesus Grace. I had to really think about what you meant when you said ‘emotionally dyslexic.’ But then I got it!! And every single thing after that. It was like listening to myself finally find the words. Pleeeease be nice to yourself!!! What a gift you are. And thanks for opening doors like these sometimes. 💜💜💜

[@divacassandra1]

Alexithymia + aphantasia + SDAM (severely deficient autobiographical memory) + chronic pain + undiagnosed AuDHD make self reflection so difficult. Every medical appointment is a struggle to communicate effectively and get my symptoms actually accessed instead of being blamed on anxiety or fibromyalgia. Complex patients are so screwed by American managed care. So sorry you lost Goose.

[@courtneygaeta4977]

Please make more videos talking about your feelings!! Also thanks for the sex toys!

[@lorrainethomas241]

You may not have clarified what the future holds for you, but I like the direction it's going. ❤

[@Shoopew]

I like this content. As someone who has been going thru similar experiences right now it was kind of refreshing but not in a sterile therapy way. More casual, pre therapy vibes 😎👉👉

[@SethInNYC]

In the spirit of vulnerability, I want to share some things that I admire about you, Grace. I know there is a separation in my saying this as I do not truly know you, but I know enough about you having watched you since your days in Brooklyn to appreciate and admire your intellect. I admire how adept and inclined you are to research what you do not know, and more so what you fear. I admire that you take your knowledge and apply it to your own experience, and that you share your discoveries with the community you have built by being your authentic self. I admire that you don’t stop at learning; you put your knowledge into practice; you DO the thing. You put in the work and I know that takes bravery. Speaking of bravery, articulating your feelings (big feelings!) so beautifully onto the internet is no small feat, especially for someone who is confronting her own patterns of internalized shame. And as if all that wasn’t impressive enough, you tackle these dense subjects with levity and satire, allowing those of us lucky enough to learn from you to relate with your message and carry on with feelings of optimism and community. I hope this next statement is taken the right way: You are a gifted comedian and a true artist, but I will always consider you an intellectual first, not because your comedy or art is less-than, but because I believe your brilliance stems from the way in which you navigate, experience, challenge, learn from, and share the world through your own lens. I am not alone in thinking the world is a better place because of you. I know that was a lot… but it’s been on my mind for a while now and I am working to share my feelings as well. ✨ SEX TOYS! 😮‍💨😂

[@itsgrace]

Wow… I’m blown away… thank you so much for these incredibly kind words 🥹

[@taylorbailorvlogs]

I'm not going to lie, vulnerable but still darkly humorous Helbig might be my favorite version of Grace I've had over the last decade or so.

[@fabianafab598]

Oh Grace very helpful subject Goose is in dogs heaven

[@dahliapins]

If grace starts making video essays in 2024 I will lose my shit

[@antheacastelli]

Great video! I think I just got smarter from watching it 😁🥰

[@danielaanderson-fernandez806]

I work with my therapist on shame every week. It's a fickle binch

[@MrSasyB]

Not gonna lie this did get a little heavy, only because I have so much familiarity with this topic. I like to think I'm past shaming myself but it comes up everytime I step out of my comfort zone (turns out you can gaslight yourself into believing you don't have a comfort zone and find yourself PANICKING when you step out of it)

[@itsgrace]

oh i feel this

[@astoldbybianx]

There was super helpful! I would love to see you do more videos like this.

[@xingcat]

I'm so sorry about Goose! She was a lovely part of your videos and you took great care of her. Shame is such a complex emotion, because it can sometimes lead us to making more moral, ethical (or even just legal) decisions, but too often, it's just a way to ruminate and spiral over things that we blow up into larger issues than we need to. Be kind to yourself, because Goose would say you were very kind to her.

[@sarbearr4]

“They are not that scary some of them are just fucking annoying” 100%

[@thomaselliott7204]

I think it's worth mentioning that self-compassion and caring for and about yourself-treating yourself with kindness- takes a lot of energy and time! It's JUST like taking care of another person. We have to feed ourselves, wash ourselves, clean up after ourselves, give ourselves treats and presents, encourage ourselves, and so on. When I think about it that way, it makes me more motivated and I feel like it's worth the energy and time to be compassionate towards myself.

[@itsgrace]

yes, great framework

[@artsymarisa]

I just admitted my shame to my partner yesterday. This was so validating, thank you!

[@Izzy-g7t]

All I have to say to this entire video is SAME! SAME SAME SAME for SO LONG my god. Love this.

[@Lady_Catherinee]

Wowowow thank you for making this video, so many things clicked for me! Saving this to my favorites because I know my shame ridden brain is gonna need to hear this again 😅

[@codasyryc]

So sorry about Goose, may her memory be a blessing.

[@LemonThymeArt]

Yes! Dude, as someone with childhood trauma and shame- based thinking patterns, compassion focused therapy (CFT) has been transformative for me. 10/10 would recommend -- even if just the CFT meditations paired with journal writing.

[@itsgrace]

thanks for the rec!

[@AlyssaMuellerIllustrator]

I really related to the part where you shared about how being vulnerable helps you. Something that helped me with this was the incredible book by Amanda Palmer called the art of asking. The audiobook read by her in particular. While it's billed as talking about how she as a musician and artist connected with her fans to ask for them to fund her music, it's really her talking about her life, her work, and her incredible desire to live connected to others in a truly honest and vulnerable way. Something that before reading never clicked for me as something that not only could be done, but that was hugely necessary as like, a person on the planet. Maybe not on the huge scale that she does- but in a day to day to the people I deal with kind of way. Connection is a huge shame buster. It helps us see that beauty isn't the thin shiny facades we are taught to cultivate- it's in the deeply rooted everything else that we all have in common.

[@itsgrace]

🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

[@alisaishere]

I would love more content like this. Right now I'm doing shadow work (Jung, Stutz, etc) and trying to process some of these deep emotions and feelings that are hard to grapple with. Shame is just one of many things I feel and am struggling with, so hearing somebody else explain how they are processing it helps me in my journey.

[@itsgrace]

ohhhhh good luck with your shadow work! that's dark stuff! 🙃💪🏻

[@MrSasyB]

Also I feel for you and goose. My childhood dog is at the end of his journey and we're having such a hard time letting him go, it's truly painful and I can only share my empathy with you grace and anyone else going through stuff like this. There's no words to make anyone feel better, just... We're going through it, and understanding is more than enough to ask and to give.

[@MarkThePage]

When I was in your situation a few years ago, I wish I'd understood better that the dog was going no matter what I did. I felt like a failure because I couldn't keep her alive forever! Isn't that ridiculous! What matters is whether you can make their final days comfortable and cherished. They will hold on for as long as they can because they love you, but because you love them, you must know when the time has come to let them rest. Sending my best wishes your way, hoping you remember to be kind to yourself too.

[@carlyburks8998]

I clicked on this ready to have a discussion about shame and was greeted and blessed with sex toys!!! 💕💕 Outstanding video!

[@Schmoopie56]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Grace. Once again, you hit me and all my anxieties right on the head. We left a door open last year and our cat went through it and never came back. I never thought anything like that could ever happen to me. That was shame. I failed as a human and a pet owner. A month later, I adopted one of the most unadoptable cats, who is scared of her own shadow (like me). I feel that kinship with her that you felt with Goose. I fear she'll run away too, someday. That will always be in the back of my mind. Anyway ... I love these episodes of Grace Has Feelings! It helps me feel less alone in my own journey. Keep 'em coming!! ❤

[@sorenbruns5541]

Well, this couldn't be more timely. You mention a lot of the things I'm dealing with right now as well. When you talk about making all these subconscious processes conscious, I think that's a major step. At least for me recognising the problem as a problem and not as a given, innate mode (as thoughts tend to feel) changed a lot already. Thanks for talking about this!

[@Scinasari]

Fabulous video - I think it's really awesome of you to be brave and vulnerable. Shame is such a common and natural thing - shaming others for every single thing they do is like, a favorite pastime of the internet; of COURSE we would internalize shame in a world where shame is not only popular, but a great way to sell you things. I think most people have a very complicated relationship with shame; Chappell Roan comes to mind - an artist who is so unabashedly open about sex and transgressive things in her performances, but who says that she views the Chappell persona as her "Hannah Montana", that she herself isn't nearly as comfortable talking about things like sex. It's really great to see you working with self-love, self-compassion, and unboxing shame. A lot of people think it's just how life is, to have a voice in your head constantly criticizing you and shaming you. But it's not; you deserve to be free to be yourself, to live life without worrying about the imagined outside observer. Life is so much better when you can laugh off embarrassment. I've found that doing embarrassing things and admitting my embarrassment to strangers - ie. if I mess up at work, I laugh it off - has been great, not just for me, but also, for reminding people that everyone does it. My more anxious friends have said it helps them to see it from others, even though they can't imagine doing it themselves. I hope, at the very least, someone who sees me mixing up my words or forgetting how to do basic math can walk away with a sense of "so it's not just me!". Good luck in your journey to self-love. Lots of strangers out here are rooting for you!

[@itsgrace]

💓💓💓

[@Justanothercritic89]

I appreciated the definition of guilt vs. shame. As a gen x, shame was used to control my behavior. Keep going! You're killing this new era!!

[@vytallicaq.6881]

SHAME! My favorite Bowie song! No wait, that's "Fame". If you really want to get over your feelings of shame Grace, use those toys while playing that song. Just imagine he's singing "Shame". Over, and over again. You'll learn to LOVE shame. 🎶😋🎶

[@ThatAwkwardGirl7]

Make it a new series: Too Deep with Grace Helbig

[@itsgrace]

it's possibleeee

[@gemmalittle6206]

Wow. Thank you so much for explaining shame in its different forms in such an awesome and you way. You gave me some lightbulb thoughts that will help me work through more things in therapy, especially with Trait Shame. Do you think it’s also how people spoke to you about yourself as a younger person having to be perfect or a good person where you couldn’t fail? And if you did something wrong it would be judged negatively even though it would never be intentional to hurt someone so therefore it would create guilt which would turn into shame? Like a schema. Hopefully that made sense. I’m so so sorry for your loss with Goose. That connection was so special and from all your videos with her sweet face in it you could tell how much you love each other. I loved this and am so appreciative of your openness and for allowing space for us all to work out our feelings while you are as well. Sending lots of love and healing 🤗💙

[@itsgrace]

yes other's voices, or lack thereof, growing up definitely become internalized and can create that shame driven perfectionism

[@r.l.howard8459]

i'm subscribing from this video . sending you healthy vibes and overcoming shame vibes !!!! y'all we got this!!!!

[@stephaniegause5783]

Please take this with the best intentions at heart. For a good bit of this video I saw you. Not someone that survived cancer. And you will always be someone that survived cancer and I have no intention of taking that away from you. But you look like yourself before anything ever happened. I know this has its superficial undertones but also every girl has the desire to look like her best self. I have always seen you as a beauty both inside and out. Also I love the new topics of interpersonal relationships. It may be hard to start the conversation but everyone can relate with at least part of it. Thank You!

[@itsgrace]

Thank you for this beautiful comment

[@lydiazimmerman939]

Hearing your reflections gives me new language and perspective to interrogate my own feelings - I'm all more more conversations like this one (going too deep, perhaps?)

[@itsgrace]

yes! interrogate those feelings!

[@zacr4664]

You really know how to pair topics with ads. Great video :)

[@milkshakebananaz]

I absolutely love these new and more sincere videos! Grace, were you by chance raised catholic? Because I was and 🫣 me thinks there might be a connection

[@itsgrace]

yup! until high school and then my whole family kinda stopped. there's definitely some of that good ol catholic guilt residue lingering

[@CassidyQuinn]

LOVE this so much. Shame and guilt need to stay hidden in order to survive! So YES to saying it all outloud (or at least writing it down for ourselves!). Re: Loving-Kindness meditation - it has definitely been helpful for me in my own self compassion, AND at the same time, sometimes it's really hard. Sometimes trying to send ourselves love can just bring up the fact that we struggle with loving ourselves and OOF that can feel baaadddd. But that's totally normal - and for me, it has gotten easier. Ok everyone GO FORTH AND GET OFF!! 🤣👏

[@itsgrace]

thank you for this, cassidy!! 💖

[@arushak]

Holy shit Helbig. What a relief and revelation it is to hear someone I've watched for over a decade verbalise something I've struggled with my entire life. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. I'm still very much on my journey of self love and kindness, but one thing that has always helped, even in the darkest of days, is knowing that you're not alone in the way you're feeling. Thank you for using your platform to speak on these things.

[@handthingful]

Love love love this Grace ❤️ on a similar journey understanding my shame (mind blown: a lot of it is not even mine!) and that self compassion bit is so hard and so important? Shaming myself over not overcoming my shame more efficiently is wild 😅 KEEP GOING WITH THE VULNERABILITY you're smashing it 🎉

[@itsgrace]

the shame over not releasing your own shame is WIIIIIILD, I know!

[@mountup716]

Goose NOOO my heart breaks for you I'm so sorry 💔 You were absolutely the best person for her to share those 11 years with. Alot of things are easier said than done and we all are so overly hard on ourselves take it one day at a time and do something kind for yourself and not just others ❤ remember there's sex toys 😂 XX

[@Fuzzy_One]

Absolutely loved the video! So comforting and inspiring! Thank you!

[@SuddenDarkness2]

You felt compelled to make this, and you spoke to me directly. I recently started therapy over my anxiety and shame. You aren't alone. Idiot over here, too. Thank you for this video (and all your videos!)

[@LynnR158]

Beautiful said! I loved this video and would love to see more, as someone that enjoys all your content this was refreshing in my own time of growth and healing my own shame journey!! I didn’t know how much I needed to hear this. Also very sorry to hear about Goose, she was so lucky to have you ❤

[@xanny28]

Oh Grace, I'm so sorry to hear that you lost Goose. She was wonderful and such a presence over the years in your videos. I'm glad you had 11 years with her and you have so many videos of her. In regards to you conquering cancer, I'm so relieved and happy that you (and Hank) are okay. Love you girl! 💕

[@goober4502]

Internalized Other.. When are the Fundamentalists hooking back up?

[@themrmatthewalan]

Thank you grace helbig!!! I really needed this today! I just got home from therapy and talking about my feelings, we want more!!!!!!

[@alexandrafowler5993]

I’ve also recently stumbled upon the word shame. I’ve always been too ‘nervous’ to put myself out there. Hobbies don’t feel ‘worth it’, taking pictures of myself feel icky, and even trying therapy feels like I’m using up someone else’s time. I’m in the very first steps of working on self compassion and seeing your video pop up only days after I considered it is so relieving. I’ve been watching Alton, Marie, and Hannah for years and find comfort in the three of you. It feels like a friend it cheering me on. Thanks Grace!

[@itsgrace]

💓

[@minttea4816]

What helped me a lot with that was thinking about how other people are so wrapped up in their own heads that they are not worried about you. That made me feel less alone - that lots of people are also freaking out and also worried about how they are perceived I also thought about how many times I actually remembered someone else doing something weird. There’s not a ton. Now, I think it’s not only that other people are stuck in their own heads, but that other people have patience and assume good intentions. I like thinking about how, for example, when you do a presentation, people want you to do a good job. They want you to succeed. Someone taught you to be self-conscious (maybe a lot of things), but most of the world aren’t that person or people. That’s also a good reminder but that’s a tougher one to remember lol

[@minttea4816]

I also think who you keep around you matters a lot but that is hard to sense. The pattern kinda goes: realize you aren’t trash, realize your keeping mean people around that don’t treat you well (or your interpretation of that), get new friends, realize further that you’re pretty cool

[@itsgrace]

yes, this is great

[@danielleconstantine3210]

This is helpful in ways you don't know and I can't explain. Thanks Grace

[@itsgrace]

You got it

[@chloew_green]

YES MORE TALKING ABOUT YOUUR FEELINGS PLEASSSE