An Important Update

I've been going through a lot in the past few months, and I did unload a lot in this video, but rest assured I am doing better, and I am ready to come back here and continue this journey.
If you are going through any troubling times yourself, please reach out to someone, anyone. You matter.
Due to my technical inadequacies, I have no idea how to link phone numbers and all that in these descriptions. So here's a link to the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you need it: 988lifeline.or...

[@KingSpartanWarrior]

Kinda the whole thing summed up in a sentence or two. I tried to bury traumatic events from my life using gaming and content creation, and I'm changing that motivation to be more "because I want to do this." Instead of, "I need to do this."

[@_Quarum_]

Being a part of your life, however small. Has been one of the greatest honours I could ask for, i'm forever thankful to call you my friend, and if this past year i've known you shows anything. it's your strength, kindness, and the ability to get people addicted to call of duty. You're an amazing individual, and I wanna make sure you know that.

[@nava5792]

I can't even begin to imagine how it was going through what you did and still having the strength to be bettering yourself. I went through that stage of not having emotions/feelings anymore and i felt completely empty for the longest time also wanting to feel something, anything, and if i learned anything from that it's that hiding that from you're friends makes it worse, when I eventually told them what was going on with me they were all so confused as to why I never opened up to them about anything and it was for the same reason you don't, I didn't want to be some burden to them that they had to worry and care about, I didn't want to bring something so negative into their life but when I finally did man, It changed everything. Every single one of them was only mad at me for not coming to them sooner because they didn't think of me as a burden or someone who was just dumping all of this onto them so they could help. They were happy to help me overcome what I was going through. I'm not saying you should just go and do this yourself but turning towards them and the people closest to me overcome something I would've never been able to do by myself. I pray that things start to look better for you soon brother and sorry for rambling on so much considering i'm just some random person who enjoys watching your videos but I hope me saying all of this helps in any sort of way. Excited for the comeback man. Stay strong ❤

[@metrogames7690]

i am new to your channel and i know what its like to be in your shoes.I tryed to end it all not to long ago and my friends pulled me back. I guess what i am trying to say is trust thoughs who care for you and trust your friends becuse they might know more then what you show anyhow love your content and stay safe plse

[@speckledeggday]

I can't imagine how awful this is to live with. My advice is to talk to someone, pretending that a traumatic experience doesn't exist makes it worse.

[@KingSpartanWarrior]

Thanks for the advice. I do try to communicate with my inner circle as much as I can about these things, It's just how I communicate with them and how I carry myself through the conversation is something I struggle with. I don't take it seriously even within conversations, even with professionals. I will consistently make jokes about it to try and lessen the blow of the situation, which to a certain extent can be a healthy thing depending on how frequent the jokes can be. I tend to use it more to lighten the mood and change the direction of the conversation, instead of me bullying the trauma back. Either way, things are getting better. This is a large weight off of my shoulders already so I hope this can help treat all of this a bit more seriously in conversation more often.

[@derfreundlicheLurker]

Hey, have only discovered you recently, but it's good to hear you overcoming this and getting better. I had a somewhat similar situation: my father was an alcoholic too, while my mother was just completely overwhelmed with being a mother and it quickly devolved into them fighting - with me being right in the middle and often used in those fights. I spent most of my childhood wishing death upon my mother. Being overwhelmed was most of that childhood, I had to do great at school to make my father proud, to see him happy and not sad and I had to care for him, as he became more and more bed-ridden. Also had suicidal thoughts a lot, started during elementary school (tried to run in front of cars on a road next to school once and frequently hit myself out of self-hatred because it always felt like I was doing something wrong) and those persisted until I had my first girlfriend. We swore each other we would stop with our self-destructive stuff (she cut herself) and that was the end of suicide thoughts for me. But my father died a few years ago, right as I was doing my abitur and I somehow pulled through, got my abitur and managed to do all the bureaucracy and shit to keep a roof over my head - but I barely remember those 2 years, it is all a blur now as I was just functioning not living. And nowadays I am trying to deal with all the trauma and missed development, etc. from all those years. I waste a lot of time watching videos or playing games - wasted time, because I only half-enjoy it and mostly use it as an escape from my life. So if I can give you some advice: talk to your closest friends/ family and open up about this, you have to get through these things with your own will, but friends and family can help you a lot. Also have something to focus on, some goal to chase after or a hobby you really enjoy (like making videos), you should have something to take your mind off the trauma and negativity to keep it in check, as you work on it. I know I'm late to this, I still hope you see my comment and that it maybe helps you in some way. Always remember, you are not alone. Other people have suffered through the same or at least similar hardships - and there are always people who care about you, friends, family or at least some strangers on the internet who enjoy your content/ company. So stay strong, stay healthy and never give up!

[@KingSpartanWarrior]

Thank you for sharing your story my friend, and I’m glad that you’re here today. I honestly don’t know what else to say other than, thank you. I appreciate it a lot.

[@kayanavaro1129]

Not sure if im late to this but ive only recently got into for honor and this channel but ive been loving every video you put out, you should always always always focus on your own sanity/mental health before any youtube video i hope youre doing better since you posted this video love you tons pepsi punch man❤

[@SwedensWorstYoutubeChannel]

I can’t imagine this was very easy to talk about, I can’t imagine going through something like that, with the family. I hope you know that you’re strong, because I certainly wouldn’t be able to go through something like that. Have you talked to anybody about it? Because I hope you have someone you can talk to. I have a lot of happy memories with your streams man, you’ve made my day several times. So know that we care about your wellbeing. Stay strong ❤

[@KingSpartanWarrior]

Talking is never my strongest trait anyways, but yeah this was probably one of the most difficult things I've had to do in a while. I do have people to talk to, and sometimes I take that for granted if I'm being completely honest. My problem is that I never take my issues seriously and I always play it off as a joke, which on the surface seems like I'm doing just fine, until you begin to realize just how often I joke about some of these things. The point is that I'm better than I was yesterday, and I'm aiming to be even better tomorrow. I wouldn't have put out something like this if I wasn't already on the path of getting better. Thank you for the concern, it means a lot to me ❤

[@aviationguy752]

U matter spartan

[@voltrix2788]

Mate i know we didnt talk or play together much or enough for you to remember me but i always saw you as this cool funny little dude making dad jokes in for honor and i hope that you become that but in real life you know. I know that words from a random guy on the internet dont mean much but its the least i can do for now. And i dont know if that helps or anything but i do understand some of what you're going through, maybe not for the same reasons but still. It Doesnt mean much but if you need to you can just talk to me or basically anyone else since most people will try to either help you or understand you. Sorry for the monologue of gibberish but bro I just wish that you get back to at least being "ok".

[@KingSpartanWarrior]

I get what you’re saying. I appreciate it my friend ❤