Be careful with friends who do this.

[@ellamarie84]

"I no longer talk about my plans until they're executed"--THIS! This one is huge for protecting energy. Moving in silence and checking it all off before telling others makes a big difference for me. The less others know, the better. Even the most well-meaning people can derail me sometimes, whether they sincerely care about my plans or not. I've just learned to keep it close to the cuff when it comes to stuff that is truly important to me.

[@lissie3669]

It's just sad to feel like you have to be mistrustful and like you can't share your life with others

[@netcoded]

well most importantly, if you start telling people about the goals you have, you receive the satisfaction of being praised for the thing you’re trying to accomplish without ever doing it, the dopamine you receive from getting praise all the time can then deter you from doing the hard work your goal requires

[@Youttubeuser20932]

@@netcodedHuberman said that, but he left out a follow-up study that showed that it can be useful to tell others about your goals, as long as they are people whose opinions you value.

[@razmiddle9410]

@@lissie3669 Right? I feel so bad for the people who have chosen to surround themselves with or are born into relationships where they don't feel safe enough to share their hopes, dreams, and plans with those they'd call their loved ones.

[@angelface333]

100% 🩷💕

[@Stigmatikk]

People need to learn that the success of others doesn't threaten their own.

[@deltasaves]

Too many feel they have to be better than anyone around them, mostly depends on how they feel about you at a very base level.

[@chrismaxwell1624]

It feels like a threat though. I put myself in situation. Say I'm too fearful to do tic toks but it's something I really want to do but let my fear stop me. Then a friend just doing it would feel threatening to me. That because it encourages me to do that same and brings up the deep seated fear which triggers a response that I'm threatened. If I can recognize that I can deal with the fear and no problem as I can figure out why I'm fearful. Could be just not knowing how to do it so I could ask for tips on how to make tic tok. If I don't recognize that I'll lash out that cause my fears which is the friend doing the thing I want to do but won't due fears.

[@andersnielsen6044]

There do not exist one single person who uses TikTok that is a success..

[@misanthrophex]

they can't stand it. they have pathological amounts of envy. there are people who are completely unaware, clueless demons. there are people who don't get any pleasure from helping other people, in fact the contrary is right, they get pleasure from harming others. that's just how the world is, it's very important to learn to discern, which is one of the main lessons in the Bible btw.

[@davidthor4405]

@@andersnielsen6044Oh, I’m sure there is. They’re just never successful BECAUSE of TikTok.

[@Phredmarie]

I'm not even a third of the way through this video and I'm crying. I'm 57 years old and just learning the things that you are speaking of so eloquently. Cannot tell you how much it warms my heart that the younger generations are learning now what I'm learning now. You don't want to be learning these things at my age and just discovering why the marriages didn't work because you were putting up with toxic people. It's just so wonderful that you guys are learning this now. Don't let up. Keep going! So much joy and appreciation watching this. 🥹🙏💪💞

[@hollercat606]

I'm 34 & I feel the same way 😭This is a good example of how we should never assume younger people lack wisdom!

[@AnaPsychology]

This comment warms my heart so much, thank you!

[@quitschool9820]

I love that for you 🥰🥰🥰🥰❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@anisasiena3834]

we are all always learning, no time limit on that💗💗💗💗

[@sarahjones4364]

One day (many many years ago) I heard a radio interview with the creator of Spanx shape wear and I remember she said that she stopped telling people what she was trying to do because so many people laughed at her. She said exactly what you are saying. If you have an idea or something you are trying to do that is different or new, it's not always a good idea to share it. People can bring you down and may even talk you out of something life changing.

[@deltasaves]

People overstep and don't understand what being actually reasonable and realistic is. Just because *I* don't like something doesn't make it bad or wrong, in a basic sense, if it's not hurting anyone.

[@maddyG7414]

Had a couple people in my life like this, it’s super damaging.

[@AnaPsychology]

It's really hard to not absorb the projection!

[@dande_lion]

So true. I also learnt the "hard way" to keep my mouth shut regarding ongoing projects and ideas.

[@eduardacruz7756]

I found this extremely interesting, especially as someone who has been, unintentionally, on the other side of the conversation. I think it's good of us to realize that we too, sometimes, are the person who puts down others, even if we don't intend to and if our "warnings" come from a good place! It's a great conversation to be had since there's a fine line between being a worried friend and being an unintentional hater. Amazing content as always ❤️

[@zs9710]

When Ana said, “they’ll find out about my success when they see it on a bookshelf” 12:52, I was like PERIODT 💅🏾💅🏾 baddie energy 👏🏾👏🏾

[@emisunflowers]

I can't relate at all to being satisfied by bringing others down and making people feel bad about themselves. It's really unfortunate that this is so common in the world.

[@deltasaves]

People need real hobbies.

[@blauespony1013]

Thank you for the video. "Not justifying what you do" is a good way to tell if someone is really a friend. They will ask for your reasons (interested in you) but they will support the decision once they understand it. I did that a year ago and thereby could weed out some "friends". Always concentrate on the people who give you engery, not those who steal it.

[@mosaic.owl.studios]

I was on TikTok for a while. I obscured my identity in an extreme way and NEVER told anyone in my real life that I was on TikTok. I ended up gaining only about 5k followers, and ended up leaving the platform because it proved to be toxic and maladaptive to my own wellbeing. After leaving, I told my friends that I was on TikTok and they said, "What, really?? Why didn't you tell us, we would have eaten that sh*t up, I bet your channel was AWESOME." REAL FRIENDS, RIGHT THERE ❤❤

[@k3n179]

Lmao sounds a lot like Projecting, but in a "older sister" way, and a bad sister way.

[@c.aldersop]

I'm curious if I'm the only one that watches content like this, I.e. mental behavior outlines talking about either Narcissists, bi-polar disorders, etc. - not with the intention of trying to equip yourself with the tools to spot other peoples aforementioned behavior (etc.) but to be able to spot your own behavior, to basically be able to call yourself out.

[@copiouscat]

No certainly are not the Only one. Its validating and insightful and equips me to better express my ideas behaviors to my therapists, coaches and people in général.

[@alisonmercer5946]

U aren't the only one

[@musikalniyfanboichik]

I do that to

[@Omnihilo]

…I thought doing both was the point.

[@gamyp843]

I already feel I've mastered myself and would like to learn about other people to ease my interactions

[@NonAnonD]

It’s pretty funny how blunt you are about how to deal with haters. It really is that straightforward when you take a step back, but it seems we all end up falling into traps anyway

[@alicec.6195]

My partner is my biggest cheerleader. When I have an idea he is there to support me. I don't share much with family and friends even when I succeed, not because I think they are bad or anything but they normally don't believe most things will work because that's their view of life in general. I started a KZbin channel last November and despite the fact that I barely have a couple dozen people subscribed I am really enjoying it. My partner is always building me up and encouraging me to keep going.

[@west3]

I really like your message in this one, and I agree with you. But I do have to admit, what’s a bit strange to me is about the original video is that the person who posted it recorded her friend talking, most likely without them knowing and uploaded the video to Tik Tok. Makes me think that there may be more to the situation.

[@bedhead-studio]

I agree. She's laughing at her and recording her. That's worse than having bad advice in my opinion.

[@deltasaves]

Because the "friend" is jealous and knows she'll find it eventually. Very sad. People like that are not friends ever and there's no way to recover the relationship. If nothing you do is good enough for them, they are the issue not you.

[@Susan13554]

​@@deltasavesjealous of what? Posting silly tiktoks? 😂

[@cutienerdgirl]

That's not her friend, it's her roommate. I would record what that weirdo told me too! She's a hater.

[@cutienerdgirl]

​​@@Susan13554 If she wasn't jealous, she wouldn't be so hostile. 😂 The videos she regularly posts are so aesthetic.

[@baronmeduse]

Before the pandemic I had a discussion with a friend (now an ex-friend) about him not just moving from house to house trying to escape himself, even daydreaming about 'moving abroad' (which is fairly easy in the EU). He moved three times in 5-6 years and ended up hoarding in the apartments, making himself miserable etc. He was unhappy in his job and said he was going to throw it up. I told him to first make a plan for another better job before jumping out of the frying pan into a possible fire. He accused me of 'dimming' his plans and being unsupportive. Later he blanked me. I found out that he'd seen a therapist who advised him to blank me. This cult of 'toxic friends' is to blame I think. Where anyone giving you a reality check is labelled 'toxic'. Not just people who are bullies or trying to actually belittle you, but normal advice. I've heard the same thing from other friends' lips after they've seen 'therapists' telling them to 'think only about yourself and all that self-care stuff masking selfishness'. There are a lot of duff therapists around with very duff opinions.

[@LowSlungBadBitch]

I think sometimes ppl just have to learn for themselves. How did you find out about his therapist?

[@Susan13554]

Yup same. I had a friend who made one bad decision after the other and acting very much in a self-destructive way... For instance, she would neglect university to "focus on herself", which led to her failing a year which is really bad in out filed (medicine) and getting even more depressed. Every advice of mine was taken as an attack. She was in therapy for 3 year and it seemed that the therapist was enabling her toxic delusions. I ultimately stopped being friends with her because I couldn't stand her seeking my advice only to get offended when I tell her the truth (like medicine is a difficult degree and it's absolutely normal to study a lot). I don't know exactly where she is now in her life but I heard from people who are in her vicinity that she is even more miserable. I'm 100% sure she would label me "toxic". Oh well :)

[@linasg90]

Weird, therapists aren’t supposed to tell you what to do with your life…they are just a simple guide, the person has to make their own choices. Unless ofc someone’s in danger, then they need to call the authorities. It’s either that or maybe that person was making things up and picturing you as a very evil person? Who knows really

[@razmiddle9410]

@@linasg90 They're not supposed to, but can and do ask leading questions which effectively guide you into what they see as the right decision. "Do you think this friend is supporting your plans? Are they helping you shine brighter or dimming your light by pulling you away from your dreams?"

[@linasg90]

@@razmiddle9410 the first question is definitely something they would ask - the second is very misleading, I don’t think any decent therapist would do this - unless they are repeating the same thing the patient is saying -

[@sweetstrawberry286]

An alternative explanation could be just repeating what a lot of people say: that you have to be careful with social media. I don’t think that has to be jealousy or toxicity.

[@boredshrimp9425]

I agree

[@cutienerdgirl]

If that's true, she could've explained that better or gave her a hint as to who was talking sh*t about her. Even if someone was talking sh*t about her, it doesn't matter when it comes to her success and quality of life.

[@amalie.eugenie]

I don't think someone needs to be jealous to not like people bragging (on social media or elsewhere) 3:25 Assuming others are jealous might also be a projection

[@AnaPsychology]

How is someone sharing their life experiences bragging? Many people, myself included, love watching other people's joyful experiences and find it inspiring

[@marysingssometimes]

I rarely comment but I’m always watching your videos and have been since before your PhD. And honestly, your videos have been such a rock in my life, especially as of late. By putting them out into the world, you’re helping more people than you can imagine, as I’m sure I can’t be the only one benefitting not only from the vast amount of knowledge you somehow manage to accumulate and also share, but also of how present and honest you are. I was in a past relationship with someone who banned me from ever posting to social media, which completely ruined my small but slowly growing illustration business and, 5 years on, I still regret ever letting someone’s opinion and controlling behaviour take so much of a hold on me. Now I’m in a career that’s great but I’m not so in love with and I find it hard to make myself go back to the passion I used to have for illustrating too. However, I’m really glad to now have people like your cousin around me and wish the same for others too. It makes exploration and self expression so much easier to do when you have supportive people around you. The world can only be better for what we good-heartedly put into it.

[@damouretdelaine5311]

This video just gave me a much-needed boost. Thanks for posting!

[@AnaPsychology]

I'm so glad to hear that!!

[@cunningtricksterrabbit]

Maybe I am missing the point of this video, but valid criticism and concerns from other people also exist. For example, I write poetry and I'm a better poet because of constructive criticism and feedback I have received. I am always allowed to disregard any criticism and feedback I receive especially if it doesn't help me and I just forget it exists.

[@mellie4414]

thank you for this! I've always been very attuned to my failures and I often feel threatened by the smart, beautiful, successful people around me. I don't like this about myself and have been trying to change. having these reminders is helpful.

[@karinturkington2455]

Your videos are always very informative. I learn lots. I grew up in a household of judgemental parents, siblings, etc. This resulted in an inability to make my own decisions without first consulting and needing reassurance before attempting anything. That constant need for reassurance brought more critical judgement. Only by cutting off contact and moving far away, am I beginning to hear my own voice. Learning to trust myself is a slow process and has resulted in decades of lost time, bad decisions, inappropriate acquaintances and, ultimately, a life unlived. This video is helping me to understand this.

[@Phredmarie]

I'm definitely sharing this. You're so dead on about the people you put yourself around. I discovered in my '30s that sharing my story, if it even helped one person, it made what I went through easier to accept, which in turn makes it easier to heal. You're so dead on! 👍🥰💪

[@Zach-wr6fw]

Tell your cousin thank you for me! I’m glad you’re making these videos and are independent

[@madelyni6958]

Loved this! It made me aware of how to be a better friend and be more selective with the commentary I allow to affect me.

[@akludnna]

Just wanted to say how much I enjoy and appreciate your content! I found you when I first started studying psychology and I stayed for the level headed and empathetic takes. You’re very much appreciated

[@Gincaneva]

Everything you put out is super grounded and relatable, thanks for posting!

[@b100dr4g3]

Love this, gotta protect your energy. Definitely going to implement this more intently.

[@curseofcontext]

personally really love the philosophy of "working with the garage door open" i've heard people describe it like that in online knowledge management or blogging spaces i think (may also be based on how some code-programmers work!). actively rejecting the idea that keeping resources hidden, unshared, unspoken and unexplained out of a fear that someone might do better (or worse) with them than what we've done with them and rejecting how wealthy industries "gatekeep" or "paywall" so others cannot reach-into whatever open-access information or (creative) works in process can offer up to whoever's looking in and chiming in or what they have to offer in collaboration! i think that's beautiful. i get so insecure just writing with my laptop in sight of anyone potentially reading in that it blocks me from writing in public and i think that's exactly what this philosophy counteracts in terms of mindset, even though it hasn't fully set in for me in an embodied sense! i don't want to cut myself off in that shame of being perceived while processing "unfinished" work or "unpolished" glimpses and i don't think we should perpetuate that for others either.

[@zmommy633]

this came at the perfect time. i think subconsciously i would notice this in people and not think much of it. a lot of my friends love to talk shit and make fun of people just living their life even though that person did literally nothing to them, besides maybe be a little weird or corny. im rethinking how much i should trust my friends like that now and how much i’ll talk about what my future plans are. wise words as always thank you ana

[@arthurmiller2300]

Tell your cousin I appreciate their support too! It's been wonderful coming across your content and opinions and comparing your insights to my own. 🙏

[@johnblood4614]

Wonderful video with important points. Human resentment is all too real. What you discuss starting at 6:28 also pertains to the video you did on misinformation in social media. I am diaspora of several indigenous peoples. When I've presented after years of hard research in several languages, I'm shocked how many people come up to me who actually say, "I want to be _________. How can I be _________." They aren't often excited when I tell them that honoring First Nations Peoples means acknowledging indigenous positions in society and not trying to usurp their culture, ways of dress and comportment, identity, art, stories, symbols, etc. We are all gifts and all gifted with life. Live YOUR life authentically - as YOU. That is the best way to honor and respect those around you.

[@Mminky]

I just wanted to say that I really enjoy your videos. They are very interesting, practical and relatable. You seem like a very down to earth person, who has a calming presence. Also, your attitude towards haters is very healthy and admirable. Keep up the good work!

[@wowueewow]

dr ana even though i’m not always liking, commenting, or viewing all of your content, i deeply appreciate you and the work you put out and the way you lay it out for us. much love xx

[@VenusianLissette]

im so grateful you’re in this space. i appreciate you & this video. (thank you💓take care)

[@RebekahAmberClark]

Did the TikTok lady get her friend's consent to record and post their private conversation? This generation is way too quick to just record and share everything without considering consent. It's one thing if you're filming something in public, but this appeared to be a private conversation in their private home, and unless the friend agreed to the video being uploaded, I see this as a red flag and a breach of privacy. The quality of the friend's advice, or lack thereof, is a totally separate issue.

[@cutienerdgirl]

They share a home so, she has the right to record whatever she wants there.

[@RebekahAmberClark]

@@cutienerdgirl That's.... not correct. She doesn't have the right to violate her roommate's privacy.

[@razmiddle9410]

@@cutienerdgirl Would you say the same if your parent(s) recorded you in your shared home and shared it online?

[@kseniyarosina2357]

I’m not too sure it falls under legal requirements for consent. Depending on where they are, but generally concent is needed when privacy is violated. Sharing an audio recording of an obscure girl speaking, she’s not in the frame, her face is unseen, her name is not shared… ethically - I agree with you, but legally - nuh. But most people don’t have clear code of ethics (unlike doctors or lawyers, or therapists), therefore it’s very arbitrary. For all we know it could’ve been a role play.

[@Shutzie27]

Yeah, that was my isssue as well. This whole entitled idea of unfettered access to and archiving of another person's life without their consent really bothers me about this generation. As someone who has issues with being photographed - let alone recorded! - due to severe BD and is trying to recover, it just makes the entire world feel less safe. Like, if I drop something at the store and someone catches it on their phone is it going to go viral?

[@hollercat606]

You might just have the least problematic content I've seen on this site. High quality stuff, well-researched, pretty conservative (in the sense that you don't talk about any new, crazy theories that haven't been validated yet). So if people like you even have trolls, that makes me feel much better. Good on you for figuring out how to blow off the haters. I'm 34 & still working on that.

[@Woadocean]

This is helpful on many levels. Thank you! It's time to magnify the good. It shows how much a little encouragement can accomplish. May the wellspring prosper!!

[@plutonic404]

I'm an experienced gardener and when I talked a little about the garden at my new house at work, one of my coworkers told me that it was too late in the year to prune fruit trees but I could do it next year (I already did it months before, when I took possession) and another informed me that the black portable shed in my backyard wasn't a greenhouse (who would have thought greenhouses needed to be transparent?). I no longer share information about my garden at work.

[@corneliahanimann2173]

This makes me feel really good about myself, I have great friends, and I think I've gotten to a point where I'm a supportive friend. I don't think I'd cut out a friend who is a bit negative, because people can suffer from depression or just straight up have their period, and there is no purpose in taking that personally, they do manage to apologise when they're ready, which is a rare quality that I also appreciate in my friends.

[@anonymous-zo4qh]

Dr Ana, lately I've been watching every single video you publish and truly, my daily life and perception has changed for the better good

[@rachaelmancera1964]

Thank you for being here Ana, I’m glad you’re doing what you’re doing ❤

[@Mona-z4t]

What a beautiful heart warming video.✨💫 Thank you so much for it. It also reminds me of some important and very valuable life lessons my grandma shared. It's so good to see you thrive!🥳🎉🎊

[@Zekrom569]

Unfortunately frequently parents are guilty of a similar attitude towards their children and this can actually make a person decide to not pursue that interest.

[@practicalsurvivor693]

When I stopped looking for affirmation of my successes I started to succeed more.

[@SkyeM18]

I had a friend like that for a long time and still to this day, I feel hesitant every time i go to post about anything in my life on social media, good or bad. I'd post something nice and they'd message me like "oh, I see you're life is going so well without me" or something like that. But I still get that anxiety and still want to share and my workaround for that wound up being group chats with the people I want to share with. 😂 I feel so surrounded by positive energy in a chat full of friends that build each other up in ways I never felt, even if a post on social media got more attention than the post in the group chat

[@koreighlee]

I really enjoy these types of videos ☺️ just hearing you expand on some thoughts you had about trends you’re noticing, or other connections you’re making in your life. You’re an interesting person!

[@mya.6286]

I love uuuu for the longest time I let people trample over me because i never had a solid sense of self and always assumed a lower position whenever someone criticized me for no good reason. but recently i have learnt how to honor myself by valuing my own opinions first then considering others perspectives later. going to see a therapist and your videos have helped me a lot!! :-) i now no longer have the urgent need to see a therapist/ psychiatrist each week 💓 thank u ana truly

[@yijiafu323]

this just sounds like my parents my whole life lol

[@lmarco30]

Thank you, honestly, thank you for your work. I might not agree with everything you say, I might not have enjoyed every video you put out, but overall, thank you for your wonderful work. Your videos are so helpful and I'm learning so much from you. Thank you.

[@josevigil4233]

Ana, I admire you, you are so kind and mature. Thank you for your content, it helps a lot

[@highflyersinternational8860]

In my country, we describe this type of people as those who are not bothered by their own failures but rather by the success of others. It is essential to be mindful of not normalizing these types of relationships because that's how we were raised. In my case, my mom is the one who has always done everything possible to keep me as a failure.

[@mathieumaticien]

I understand all your points, but why record a private conversation and publish it? I'm not sure if we can read much into this one way or another, other than tie it to our own experiences, either positive or negative...

[@cutienerdgirl]

They recorded it to show what they experienced because their roommate found their harmless TikTok account.

[@eddyalonsomoramorales6069]

@@cutienerdgirlshe recorded without her permission on her own house to then blast her on social media If they still friends well that’s pretty shitty to do

[@cutienerdgirl]

Thank God none of my friends are like this, but unfortunately, a lot of my family members try to put down any goal of my own that I'm working towards. 🙃

[@nottoday7801]

Its funny cause I used to be active on social media and the attention I got from others online also got me envy from my peers. Lots of gossips and comparisons. Ive then deleted my social media, which was yearss back. I only use KZbin now. I do have instagram but barely there. I realized that people Ive met nowadays seem to measure me based on my social media. After seeing or knowing of my empty feed, they started seeing me as "no friends, no life" kind of person, and stayed away from me since I've learnt that 1. I cant please everybody, its a fruitless endeavor. 2. If they have a bad narrative set about you, they're gonna try their best to find ur flaws. 3. Dont make urself small to accomodate others constant discomfort & insecurities. 4. Some people do decide whether to associate with you based on your social media presence 😂 Thanks Ana for this video 🎉

[@mezmrzr5977]

I think the awareness of the snakes lurking around in our life is very important skill to have. Hahaha you can gauge the energy of anyone when you have that kind of awareness

[@TeaLeaf222]

"I move on with my day, I'm my own boss. I go on vacation. I do what I want, I have beautiful experiences. I see my loved ones..." That is living little sis. I love your content. I wish I knew what I know now at your age. I've wanted to hop off the porch and try a few new things but have almost always had people completely steal ideas or gate keep in a way that actually stopped me. You're right some of the "keeping it real," some of the "just being honest" comments are hating.

[@moonriversou]

Okay, I need a video on how to cope with passive agressiveness

[@bentayman]

We do not stomach haters! Well put. Thanks for the vid❤

[@abs1090]

I like this video and the messages you’re sharing. Have tried to communicate this idea to a friend before who didn’t really understand and felt I was being cynical about (not) sharing your plans with people. I do find it a bit sad - when we keep plans secret, we do avoid those sneaky negative nellies who might try to dissuade us from our aspirations, but we also miss out on finding out who our cheerleaders might be/ who could enable an opportunity to help us achieve our goals. Overall I agree though- letting our results speak for ourselves is safe and cool 😎

[@krzychuszaa8763]

Don't you tell nobody about your successes? I know you didnt say nobody, but still it surprised me. For me it's very nice to have someone that i can share that i have succeded in sth or I feel happy about sth :)

[@Star-dj1kw]

Dr Ana kickin butt and takin names!!

[@skies988]

One of my fav channels fr

[@latika1998]

I love your perspective Dr. Ana!!!! You better speak on it! Naysayers and pessimists want you to be as miserable as them. My motto is “let them.” Let them talk their ish about you cuz the truth is, they’ll never stop so why waste your own precious energy and time giving them any response.

[@calexito9448]

A friend that tells you to not use tiktok is a good friend

[@witchywamen9536]

Dr. Ana, I absolutely adore you! Thank you for such meaningful and lovely content, and thank you for sharing your insights with us.

[@deltasaves]

Agreeing with others on not letting certain people know your plans until very late into a project or well after it's done. I only tell people whats actually needed, if i need their help, and nothing more. This even goes for my mother, though shes my best friend (now), i only tell her whats truly needed. Im an adult and dont need explicit permission about what im doing.

[@Bak2BasiKs]

there are surface friends who you dont really care about their opinions and close friends for the most part you will at least listen to not neccesarily follow their advice. Be wary of modern toxic positvity; it does go both ways.

[@growing.flowers]

Thank you for existing, you’ve helped me through so much and I look up to you ❤

[@examininglife4338]

12:18 Yes, I completely understand waiting to tell people about things until it's already done. However, is this being "closed off"? I've received feedback that I'm not "open" with people or have a "wall up". I understand needing to protect yourself to maintain focus 100% and have done this many times (including certain goals I'm currently working on). Which one is the "right" way--being open and criticized unnecessarily or being closed off until they can't do anything about it?

[@AnaPsychology]

I should specify that I reserve this tactic for people who have proven themselves to be chronically discouraging and negative. If someone who I trust asks me what I'm up to, I'll tell them quite freely. But I also just don't like talking about myself too much so I don't bring up my plans unsolicited.

[@examininglife4338]

@@AnaPsychologyThank you

[@MyDuckSaysFucc]

I was very surprised by your take on the persons tone in that video. It didn’t sound aggressive to me at all. With more context, maybe it would. But it felt to my ears as someone giving advice on what they would do. Like, if the person was posting something screwed up their take would totally make sense (I hear you that the content wasn’t problematic) I’ve just seen people post their family drama and stuff and crazy shit so you never know when you see a clip like that show up in your feed. Also seems really weird that the girl was posting her friend’s conversation and making faces. Seemed like the friend didn’t know she was recording. I think the one making content was definitely problematic for doing that.

[@razmiddle9410]

This - it honestly feels like projection on her part to side with the secret recorder who loves social media. It was trashy to secretly record someone in their own home and blast it online.

[@ladybugleader]

you’re absolutely right, i’ve actually been noticing her more recent videos that she tends to project a lot

[@MrJoxxxi]

From a different angle, I don't listen to what its been said about me. If the person in question wants to tell me is ok, but I don't listen through the intermediary, no matter what the topic is.

[@kristinbrowne8756]

This is excellent advice! Just because other people would or wouldn't do

[@paulrhyne4]

Trolls have no regard for anybody, but I don't believe them! I don't think they have any real convictions with their negative opinions! They seem to be hating intentionally, and I guess they think it's funny?. Congratulations on your novel!!! 👏🎉📚

[@larissabrewington9065]

...it's disappointing when you realize that the people you've put so much faith in, aren't really for you...

[@tarajo4836]

There is a 4th reason... its a control factor. The friend will take issue with ut because they will lose control they think they have over you and if you make it known, they think they'll have to compete for the influence over you.

[@gracechan3039]

Everyone cares about how other people precieve them. That's human nature. If you care less than a friend, that's not a reason for judging your friend. Yes the friend is insecure, and pushing that insecurity onto the TikToker. The friend views the TikToker as an extension of themselves in a way and doesn't want the TikToker to be hurt because that would make the friend hurt. So she's giving stern advice with the idea that if the TikToker follows this advice then they will be safe. With the understanding that the advice given is about safety... can't you have compassion for your friend? They're more insecure than you on this topic but most likely there are other topics that are vice versa. No one is perfect. They have a fear that is making them act this way. Maybe be a pal and sooth your friends fear? In their mind they're protecting you. How many people in the world do you have who care enough about you to be worried for you? I think throwing someone away for this is a lack of maturity. Explain to them your boundary clearly, and if they can't adhere to the boundary that's another thing. Sooth their fear, and maybe figure out what happened to them to make them so scared for you. If their fear is soothed, they wont try to protect you so sternly like this. This is an opportunity to get real and get closer to your friend, if you choose to. Maybe deep down the friend is scared that the TikToker will be successful and leave them. I can have compassion for that even if I don't like a lecture. I guess the underlying question is, what do you think a friend or that friend is worth?

[@chrismaxwell1624]

I read book that if you tell other want are going to do then it's less likely you will do it. Telling other puts out as fantasy you telling others. If you do it then tell others you are doing it it. Don't tell them the end goal. That just for you and others. Like I didn't tell anyone I wanted to play the guitar, I just bought guitar. I still haven't told anyone what my goal is in learning to play. That's just for me and I have specific goal.

[@hoppergrasa]

Hahah reaching behind you to pet your beautiful kitty is so real hahaha ❤ she IS so pretty, also i really loved this topic I so my best not to share anything I’m doing until I want to. And other than that I just do whatever tf I want! I definitely don’t say my successes I just let them speak for themselves at this point because peoples evil eye can ruin a good and pure thing

[@readisgooddewaterkant7890]

How does your cat deal with the haters? We need a video on it. Your cat is the MVP!

[@KingVon663rd]

In my life I found that people don’t believe that haters exist. They think if someone has a problem with you there must surely be a reason why. They’ll defend them and find reasons why they don’t like you vs thinking maybe this person is just a jealous hater.

[@haileychowmein6167]

I bought season of life and the 75 templates i love u ana!!!!

[@haileychowmein6167]

Dr. Ana***

[@goldenlioness868]

Am I the only one who starts dancing when the opening song comes on? I love it!

[@ervadaninhalastrar]

"They're gonna find out when they see it on the bookshelf" hot

[@phxcast799]

I once told a friend my diet plans and she actively tried to get me to eat junk food, with her own money. Even when I refused multiple times. Low and behold she turned out to be a snake who started gossipihn behind mh back to cintrol my image because i gave her no control over me.

[@paulrhyne4]

My issues with TikTok are usually non people issues, but some people are a trip on there , definitely lol.

[@leadfaun]

Your videos are awesome. For all the time and effort you put into them, thank you.

[@chrismaxwell1624]

I find if I have friend that tries to dim my light that puts a fire under me and makes my light brighter. If it's something my intuition is telling me to do then someone discouraging me just tells me even more this is the right path. I'm not again constructive feed back with specifics like you point out. This just the generalized discouragement with no backing to it. I've made people very angry in following my path oddly after years and success they shocked I'm successful.

[@volmarrwyrd]

Like your cat and I agree completely with this, and the fireplace is great in the video; calming.

[@tomaszgarbino2774]

The part where you don't share any of plans or successes with anybody nowadays (presumingly excluding your partner) sounds really depressing and lonely.

[@icanhasutoobz]

Loved seeing your cat (she _is_ so pretty)!

[@walaka4]

Don’t forget your spouse in regards to opinions that matter.

[@NB-lx6gz]

My mother does this to me, not even friends...sad. My mother speculates that everyone will find out about my "horrible nature and personality' and people will abandon me...abuse. I grew up like this. She says I shouldn't even move away because my neighbors will find out.

[@tri.man.3]

It’s confusing to me. I want to be successful in my own right but I’m scared of doing something wrong. Or things going poorly. Especially since I’m not following a necessarily traditional path. Grew up and out of a baptist church but its still attached to me. Confused on how to make friends, and I never like the idea of giving up on somebody. But iron sharpens iron. I also, I see a lot wrong with the world or I have Idealistic ways things could be better but have probably brought people down more than I should have before. So again it’s just confusing to me still, how to live.

[@deltasaves]

Not sure how far along you are in your journey, but getting truly away from such a community (I also was raised in a Baptist Church) and having activities without those people involved was key to actually living life. That's the best place to start, imo.

[@SigMaQuint]

Going public comes for various reasons. I think you have mapped quite well how not to be taken down by irrelevant comments. At first I thought: I don’t watch TikTok, why watch this vlog. But I am glad I did.

[@b.melisahernandezheredia4796]

You are my inspiration Dr. Ana 😍🤩

[@angelface333]

love your videos, i learn a lot from them 🩷 i also wanted to say your eyeliner looks amazing 🫶🏾

[@Kudychun]

Thank you for this much needed video 💖💖