Friendless women are going viral on TikTok

[@a.b.1078]

"They judge me before they even know me, that's why I'm better off alone." - Shrek, 2001. Unironically.

[@courtneyblasiol1621]

Yes!

[@dopex89]

Just find a donkey to befriend, I believe in you!

[@AG-iu9lv]

​@@dopex89😂❤

[@roxxyroll4540]

This!

[@p1body723]

​@@dopex89Sometimes all we need is donkey on our side

[@legslikewhoa]

Many of those young cliques aren’t really friends, they just don’t know it yet.

[@Shay4YourMind81]

Yes, this is the truth 💯

[@crystaltomlinson7699]

OMG you hit the nail on the head!!!!!!!!!

[@AnnaP-vw4yw]

Louder for those in the BACK BACK 😂

[@taniaswain-williams1379]

Yup

[@dontstarepleasek]

I learned that all too well in my early - mid 20s. Was welcomed into a big friend group for the first time. Just to learn later that they weren’t that close to me. Realizing I was just a body to add to their #. And now I’m alone again Not all alone. But significant decrease in my social life mixed with difficulty building and maintaining relationships. It’s always been a struggle

[@ytwatcher69]

Not wanting to be friends with someone with no friends is like telling someone with no job experience they need job experience so jobs will hire them like HUH

[@alexanderfo3886]

It's not new, though. "For to every one who has will more be given, and he will have abundance; but from him who has not, even what he has will be taken away." Matthew 25:29

[@ytwatcher69]

@@alexanderfo3886 as a Christian myself please stop using verses incorrectly 😭 I can’t with yallllllllllll ughhhhhhhh

[@cackle529]

It really depends on the age of the person in question. If there's a hypothetical person that hasn't made a singular friend during their youth (high-school/college) - then it's a giant red flag.

[@dianalrs3638]

It can also be equivalent to not wanting to hire someone who has a history of not being able to hold down a job for very long. Really, it just depends on how you interpret the situation.

[@Miaumiaupachamama]

@ytwatcher69 its not tho. Like if you are less than 15 yo maybe it is, but if you are like 25 or more and youve never had friendships that is just fucking weird. Having experience for a job is a very specific thing, but having friends is like a core of human experience and something you start doing since veeeery little.

[@kayleighdriessen]

the biggest tragedy is not "not having alot of friends", it's having a large group of acquaintances who you call friends to fill a void of loneliness in your heart but most of them aren't really true friends in the long-term.

[@Jonas_M_M]

True, I have become sick of these people, and know how unhealthy the building resentment is, but cannot quite remove myself from them.

[@boinkadoinkk]

yeah... I keep falling into the position of the "backup friend" that people only come to whenever they have a falling-out with their main friends. We will start spending a lot of time together, and as soon as I start to think they might actually become a close friend, they go back to their main group and just stop reaching out because they don't have time for me anymore. I stg this has been happening to me over and over again for over a decade now 😭I just never seem to realize that other people are only really interested in my emotional labor and don't actually want to have a reciprocal friendship. I just want to be there for people when they're going through things but I guess I just don't know how to bond with people in any other way anymore. I don't want to be the person that people only go to when they have problems. I want them to want to hang out with me when they're happy too :(

[@anaestrada6906]

THIS! You've just described my life.

[@kagisoramafi5440]

I can relate. Ive felt it but just never had the courage to say it out loud because it sounds really sad and id feel bad about it.​@boinkadoinkk

[@faithstea]

this is how i feel. a lot of people who say they don't have friends don't want to be friends with people who don't fit their image of a friend. like in my experience, they refuse to be friends with people who are lonely, aren't pretty to them, or someone they are intimidated by. maybe those aren't the people I want to be friends with anyway, but the people who come up to me, we are similar in the things we like. I will be friends with everyone but people have only been friends with me surface level to make themselves feel better. I've been lucky enough to find people who genuinely want to spend time with me, even if its few and in between.

[@TributesAndUnique]

As someone who was once the friendless girl for a very long time, I cannot stand people that judge others for not having friends. Shows a lack of empathy, bigotry, and just being mean. And now that I have friends, I feel that like the backup friend.

[@Eliane-pf5nb]

Just to add, if someone is judging others for a lack of friends doesn't mean that once you get friends, they'll approve of us- or we will like being with them. Chances are if they're stigmatizing us for that, they will do so in other ways too, and that means I don't want them as my friends. Afterall, we are all human, and maybe we go through a period of life without friends for whatever struggles or reasons.

[@ErinThePsychicWitch]

Honestly it’s just an animal thing. Not having friends actually shows you might lack empathy, exhibit bigotry etc. I hope you’re currently enjoying some closer friendships. It’s worth spending time learning about how to cultivate friendship. It is a skill and it does have to be intentional

[@TributesAndUnique]

@@ErinThePsychicWitch It might in a few instances, but its narrow minded to jump to conclusions like that.

[@bubblezzxxd15]

​@@Varonnoif we can't support each other, why are we friends??

[@momo-oh5nj]

​@@ErinThePsychicWitch no. Im an empath, and i cant have friends because its drains my energy way too easily, especially when i have to do things that i dont want to, just to make them happy. I am a person with clear boundaries if they keep over-stepping them, and dont underestand me, and it takes a mental toll on me why would i want friends?

[@WarmSunMgm]

I’ve always been the floater friend. I haven’t had friendships end terribly but i noticed I’m the one who never gets invited to anything but I’m always inviting everyone out and am the person who reaches out. If i don’t reach out then everyone forgets about me. And I’m at a point where i don’t have the energy to keep reaching out. I may never have friends and that’s okay. I will say though my sister and brothers have always been my bestfriends. And my oldest brother gave me my niece as another bestie since we’re so close in age lol.

[@user-sx9hq7qwert]

Invited out? What's that? On a serious note, we're happy u have permanent people in your life; most friendships r temporary anyway. :)

[@ginadavis3542]

Siblings are the best! They're the gifts your parents give you in this earth and if you're able to build good relationships with them, you're so lucky! They'll always be in your life, and yes, they can be your friends.

[@WarmSunMgm]

@@ginadavis3542 yes! My mom always told us that and i never realized it till i got older. I’m in a different state than my sister now but in the process of relocating closer lol

[@AcousticUplift]

@@ginadavis3542 It's great to be close with siblings, not everybody has that. However, it can also develop into co-dependence. I say that from experience. Like everything in life, balance is very important. I believe it's good to have a 'diversified portfolio' of friendships so one is not overly-reliant on any one, even a sibling.

[@trackydoo]

​@@AcousticUpliftI was very close to my big brother growing up. We now have our own families and he doesn't give me the time of day. I have four sisters too, and they also don't give me the time of day, but I wasn't very close to them.

[@Goat.Cheese]

If you have ADHD or are autistic (or have a chronic health condition) it makes forming and keeping friendships extremely challenging. Sometime it feels impossible.

[@jhsemoxitha3821]

Why

[@fauxcommander]

this

[@demigoddess3311]

As an adult with life's demands in this time it's hard to focus and mentain friendships

[@Lulununezz]

Yes I agree I think we tend to come off like we don’t care since we can get lost in our own world

[@cosmickinks]

All my close friends are neurodivergent like me

[@jo_she_da]

The "backup" friend title... painfully accurate

[@Tommykey07]

A person who has no friends trying to make friends is like a person who is poor trying to get out of poverty. When you have money, you can use it to make more money. When you have friends, it is easier to meet more people with whom you can become friends. But not having friends limits your opportunities to make friends.

[@feefs4763]

well yeah, but it's significantly easier to make friends than get out of poverty

[@LifeisaBeautifulting]

@@feefs4763Not the point

[@feefs4763]

@@LifeisaBeautifulting im saying as someone who used to be friendless and lonely, you can get out of this much easier than poverty

[@caitlincassandra]

@@feefs4763 Your singular experience can't be generalised to everyone though.

[@malkanc]

@@feefs4763it’s an analogy come on

[@alexiusscott9880]

Just because a person doesn’t have any friends doesn’t mean they’re lonely.

[@kayingthao5072]

Very true. Sometimes having friends make you feel even more alone….especially if those people aren’t good friends.

[@friendliestbug]

I definitely am

[@katelijnesommen]

Not necessarily, but for many people it's not the choice they would themselves make. True friendships really do alleviate loneliness. (Shallow ones don't necessarily.) And if you also don't have many other fulfilling relationships (romantic or family) not having a single true friend certainly will impact most people's mental well-being.

[@CristianoNes35]

As someone who always struggled with making lasting friendships, this video really connected with me. I was always stigmatized by colleagues about staying a lot at home and don't having friends. Nowadays I really don't care about what people think, and I have a real good female friend which I talk every week, and while I still want more friends, I'm more than satisfied with a real single friendship than "friends" who are just colleagues who judge you.

[@Maria-gd4vf]

I advise you to find another friend, just in case. I used to have only one friend and got devastated when that one friend stopped caring.

[@SnapdragonsNSage]

The struggle is real.

[@mirabela1344]

​@@Maria-gd4vf this is so true

[@Mann_motivation]

Bro that's so true

[@brandonsupreme8380]

Facts

[@nikki.x]

I don’t have friends because of trauma, I had a best friend who was my bully, then a best friend who dated my crush, then a best friend who slept with my boyfriend and lastly another best friend who has lied consistently to my face. I gave my all to my friends and now I just don’t have time for them, I rather focus my time and energy on my myself and my family who have never betrayed me.

[@samaraisnt]

omg 😢 girl you deserve so much better!!

[@lysxx8]

Literally same experience here, they ruined my life out of jealousy

[@marunekochannel]

yeah, those kind of experiences destroy you 😢 i used to have this group of "friends" in hs but it was all backstabbing and toxic, i was the most reasonable so at some point or when it was convenient i was scapegoated, i never even understand why they pretended to be my friends if they where gonna treat me like trash 😞 i did gave my all but it was useless... also you might think why i stayed in that group? well i was being abused by my narc mom and my family system was enabling her, so my reference was "this people are amazing cause they don't treat me worst than my mother" that combined with my mom saying "if people are too nice they just wanna use you" and "remember nobody loves you more than i" and lots of neglect and loneliness really set me up for failure and future abuse 💀

[@awkwardpawsome]

I've also had friends (close or not) who traumatized me like this... I still want friends, but, it feels impossible :/ Ik I'm not perfect, but I really didn't deserve what they did to me

[@obietravels652]

Horrible. And I wouldn’t consider any of these people real friends 😢

[@allthe1]

I feel not having friends and not wanting to expand your existing social circle could be treated as two completely different topics.

[@mariapenev737]

Yes they’re practically opposites, and so they affect each other

[@Cuspofmagic19]

Two different topics which could be related.

[@muurrarium9460]

I agree.

[@GoingSwimmingly]

That’s because they ARE entirely different tbh One is: “I have no one permanent/close enough to call a friend” Second is: “I have my core of friends that I hold close and know personally, and I am content with the amount that I have”

[@carolbaker2773]

I think this is true. In highschool I would have considered myself to have like 30 "friends" but I was never asked to hang out and really the old time i spent with people outside of school was in sports. Never was asked to go to a group movie or the mall or to play video games. I rarely was asked to go to birthday parties as well. As an adult, I probably would say that I was friendless. Now I have a group of friends I hang out with at least 2x a year and spend a lot of time online with them (we formed the group in college and now we live in about 4 different states). I am not looking to make new friends except for those that I am close with at work but I feel no need to bring the two together.

[@JustMe-xg8hh]

I don’t have any friends either. The ones that I thought were didn’t attend my dad’s funeral or even visited me, brought food. Nothing. I’m done putting work into others who don’t value me.

[@honourlulu5562]

I feel you, something similar happened to me and I cut some people off, but I’ve felt more secure in myself since then

[@thing2be]

hey, i'm sorry for your loss. hope you're doing well. 🫂

[@Mingwingz]

As an autistic woman, having friends would be so overwhelming. But at the same time I want friends to share things.

[@Vishfeast]

If you have a skill which you can do for hours, you would prob find alot of people looking up to you in that ability, because you might come to realize you are gifted and have something to offer!!

[@buttzpoopindowski6851]

Same. It is overwhelming. It has to be someone without an ego who takes apologies sincerely. Not an easy dynamic to foster at all.

[@Dreykopff]

@@Vishfeast But then they're only there for what she has to offer, not for her as a person.

[@Forgottenworlds777]

@@DreykopffRight??

[@softlife45]

​@buttzpoopindowski6851 you're not autistic

[@middleofdecember9862]

friends are not only for emotional support. we need to have fun with others to thrive, to "lose" ourselves in the moment. family can rarely fill that role, not as close as friends.

[@samaraisnt]

exactly. they’ve literally studied this and it’s the strongest factor to happiness, MORE than a good relationship !

[@loveratatouille]

i can’t lose myself in the moment if there is another person present. all my attention and energy goes to performing the interaction correctly and trying to actually concentrate on what the person is saying. i’m only happy when i’m alone

[@Feraloidies]

My best friend is my sister. We can absolutely get lost crafting and chatting or going out dancing. There's no reason family can't be friendships.😊

[@ZinniaGulden]

There’s so many reasons someone doesn’t have friends. For me it’s because of trauma. I also moved around so much as a kid and lost so many friends from moving that relationships feel meaningless to me now. People who say not having friends is a red flag are just using black and white thinking. Like sure, some people might have no friends because of their own bad behavior, but that’s just one possibility.

[@cowboy_kraken]

i agree! people who say "not having friends is a red flag" are not only using black and white thinking but are also very ignorant. there are many reasons as to why people may not have any friends at the moment. they could have trauma or a mental disability that makes it harder to connect to people (e.g. anxiety disorder(s), autism, etc.), they could have been bed-ridden for most for their life and didn't have a chance to go outside and socialize with their condition, there are people who are extremely sheltered by their parents who never gave them an opportunity to make friends in their childhood and now it's harder to make them in adulthood, and there are people who are living somewhere they don't feel very safe in and don't feel comfortable enough to go outside and make friends within their area that way, etc. the list goes on and it makes me think that people who say "not having friends is a red flag" are not only ignorant but targeting specific groups of people, i feel like they just say that so they can feel better about themselves whilst making other people seem like freaks... i wish more people would be more kind and understanding and less judgmental :(

[@anju8376]

all my abusers are surrounded by enablers. as a scapegoat who escaped, i currently have no close friends. your worth is not dictated by the ppl who latch onto you❤ real ones know the truth

[@anthonyramirez7272]

I get it. I struggled with making friends because of stuff from my family of origin. I especially found the second TikTok relatable because I’ve had some bad interactions with other guys (i.e. people of the same gender, intentional or not) and it definitely piggybacked on the issues that were happening within my family of origin. It’s a relief to know that it’s not just me having these thoughts, beliefs, and feelings.

[@inevski]

Bad behaviour is actually a most effective route to have lots of friends.

[@uniqueusername22337]

isn't it still a red flag that you are jaded and traumatized. (I'm in the same boat as you)

[@elizabethbblackwell]

I certainly resonate with the phrase "emergency friend," not in way of only being called when they need a warm body, but being the person who isn't necessarily included in a lot of the social aspects, but always the one who is called in an emergency. I'm the person who is contacted when they need a true friend, who will help them to get through real hardships, but not the one who is on the social calls. Also, let's not leave out how horrible cliques are amongst mom groups. My kids are older now, but I remember being heartbroken about how mean the other mothers were.

[@caitlincassandra]

Sometimes people with heaps of friends are actually not friendly people. Nice people are often overlooked and not 'pretty' or 'cool' enough to be seen as worthy of other women's time. If someone is judging someone based on how many friends they have, is that someone you want to be friends with? NO.

[@samco63]

Exactly

[@SemekiIzuio]

Nah my friend is a ray of sunshine, magnetic even in the sense you can feel happy safe socializing with them because their intentions are alway clear, honest. Conversations flow easy for them and theyre type to approach you instead of waiting to be approach or initiating something. Anyways I respect them for that but I definitely cant keep up with them. I wish id known them sooner but it is what it is.

[@alejandracruzado6124]

Sometimes being pretty is the problem

[@coolchameleon21]

fr. some of the meanest, cattiest, and most manipulative people i’ve ever met were “popular”. they always had their supposed “besties” names in their mouths when they weren’t around 😬

[@GoodJuju333]

Right! Social currency plays a huge role in friendships especially any friendship group.

[@Chelsea0909]

It’s ok to not have friends and I’m glad people are realizing that it’s better to have one good real friend as opposed to a bunch of fake friends.

[@alliem.182]

I had plenty of friends in middle school and all of a sudden in high school I was a social pariah. It took me decades to realize that one singular person made a huge effort of destroying my reputation, out of envy. It literally takes just one person that hates you, even for reasons you can't control, and that's it! No friends. They continued to do the same thing to me through college and it had a lasting effect. Now I have trust issues.

[@zah936]

This is exactly what happened to me but just in college and uni

[@suelily4281]

Are you good at meditation? Have you ever tried quantum physics? It's a lot easier than it sounds. Just sit quietly, for 20 or 30 minutes. You can play music if it helps you to concentrate. You can say out loud or just think this phrase: "Return to sender" Repeat the phrase over & over until the time is up. The malice that has been done to you knows where it comes from & can easily find its way back to the one who sent it to you. What has been sent to you will be returned & happen to the one who caused it. Your life will improve tremendously, when you rid yourself of all the malice that has been sent to you. It works.

[@udontevenwannaknowbruv]

@@suelily4281 Sound more like dark magic

[@Morgan313]

@@suelily4281 I’ll try it.

[@thebilliexojean]

@@udontevenwannaknowbruv it’s not dark magic. Promise!

[@GiulianaBruna]

10:01 nah. You can totally not have enough time to have more friends. "more opportunities for joy" it actually just end up being one more group chat that only activates on birthdays. Also, sometimes another person changes the group dinamic. It's not the same talking to your best friends whom you trust to understand you and give you advice, than when there is someone else you don't vibe like that with.

[@Dorkaxe]

Yeah I thought that was such an odd point, especially since she contradicts herself at the end? She says having friend groups is weird and can result in bad things, cliques/infighting, yet she also says adding in another friend(like the one shown in that tiktok) is fine and we should be more accepting of it? Super weird, kind of all over the place. If you want to spend time with your close friend, that's what you want to do. Adding in another person, whom only the other person knows well, is obviously going to change how things feel.

[@Feraloidies]

​@@Dorkaxe she also describes herself as growing up with a lot of transient friendships and really seeking connections. This is probably an unconscious blind spot, and i hope she reads through the comments and realises it.

[@Disappointed_Philosoraptor]

The answer to the entire segment from 9:30 to 1^11:00 is that introverts exist. And I do not mean "shy", I mean "Socialising drains a finite quantity of availiable daily/weeeky/monthy mental capacity/energy." Thus, investment of energy on new/more people will diminish what can be used for those we already like to spend time with.

[@alathepanda2073]

I can't believe more people don't resonate with this! Not wanting more friends because you are have found a few people you want to have meaningful connections with is super normal no? With demands of work, family, partners, trying to stay healthy... Yes maybe my capacity for connection with others isn't finite but my time and energy sure is.

[@sinestesianestesia9079]

Yes tysm for saying this!! Friendship IS a limited ressource for some of us. Also just time is just limited as well

[@DevoteaSings]

Absolutely! It put me off when she said all taht stuff, because e maybe for you having 10+ friends sounds like a good idea, but for me it is actually spreading myself too thin. I would be exhausted and not have time to do things that make me happy, because relationships require work and adding people on without caring about giving them the same energy as your other friends seems wrong to me. Just a superficial connection, I do not need that. That's why people say they don't want more friends.

[@brandioctober9236]

Yes! She goes from not understanding not wanting MORE friends, to saying it’s ok to not want any friends? Why can’t being in the middle be acceptable?

[@EllaNonimato]

yes, she didn't talked about what's important. it was a blablabla about her moving every time when she was young. who cares.

[@joonyanice52]

I’ve always had trouble fitting in and maintaining friendships, and sometimes I wish that I was able to stay in touch with friends from childhood/highschool. I feel like once you leave high school and become an adult, it’s hard to form new friendships. I see a lot of my peers stay in friend groups from their childhood, and I feel like I missed my only chance to create my group of friends, and now it’s too late for friendships to be possible.

[@jamjox9922]

Most people make friends where they spend the most time: school, work, other obligations outside of work. If you want an easy way to make friends, take a class a nearby adult school, sign up for some hobbies your enjoy, volunteer for some causes you believe in and then stick with it. This will make making new friends much easier and it'll feel more organic the way it was in high school.

[@black_poppy]

Maintaining friendships is a lot of work, a lot of investment time-wise, and emotion-wise. And give-and-take is never equal.

[@thepragmatist]

Agree.

[@mylamberfeeties875]

I believe giving is giving expecting a return isn't really giving. Measurements is a red flag 🚩 people are smart and recognize when someone is measuring best to avoid them

[@emh1474]

@@mylamberfeeties875 some measurement is healthy. If you’re constantly giving and giving, and the other person is constantly taking and never giving back, you can burn out and it will become an unbalanced relationship. Or it was always an unbalanced relationship. Some people are takers who don’t want to give back. Going through ebbs and flows of a relationship is one thing, but some people will never see you as worthy or giving back to.

[@JustWhattaRuLookinAt]

⁠​⁠@@mylamberfeeties875 I agree on that. But it’s not simple for a lot of people. For them, it’s hard to accept that some friends they cherish just don’t put them on equal priorities let alone might not even appreciate them and their fear of being taken advantage of makes them calculative and put their guards up. What they need to realize is to not have too much expectations from others.

[@mouhitorinoboku9655]

@@JustWhattaRuLookinAt and this is why I've given up on looking for friends. because it gets exhausting never having any of your struggle to prioritizes someone returned and having them take and take and take and expect more and more from you without ever offering anything in return (I do not mean money, I don't count money with friends)-- I'm talking, they vent and you always listen, offer advice if they ask for it etc., but they complain or go totally silent if you need to vent; if they want to do something they push you to plan it, but if you want to do something forget it it's not going to happen because they refuse to make time. and this isn't the one-time thing, this is every single time it's all about them or they suddenly aren't interested. I don't make enough money or have enough time to bother trying to be friends with someone who won't also be a friend to me if I need it (because being expected to drop everything and drive to sit with someone while they call a tow truck in a very safe area, when they know your working is absolutely ridiculous and that has happened to me before, and they wouldn't have done it for me and I know they wouldn't. I don't expect that and wouldn't even bloody ask, its unreasonable).

[@s589xjc9]

There are people with social anxiety, depression, undiagnosed autism, introverted people, people traumatized by family abuse or bullying, who don't feel safe around others, and so so on. Judging and ranking people by the number of friends they have is just as offensive and harmful as any other type of imposing your own characteristics as standards for other people. It's ignorant and overbearing.

[@deepwaters7242]

"My best friend was my bully".....YEP! I'm in a small town and most of my playmates were arranged by my mom and the moms she connected with, and that resulted in me normalizing being bullied by mean "friends", which created terrible relationship patterns down the line. My "best friend" tried to kill me (legit, still have the scars) and when I look back, we had 30 years of her being jealous of certain things, being mean to me, and me just accepting it until she snapped one day. Putting trust in others is always a risk, but now I just enjoy being kind to others and enjoy my time alone. My books are friends, my family is important, I have animal friends.

[@Rose-mw2cr]

Did you press charges? She should be locked up. You didn’t deserve that. She clearly is an evil person who hates herself and took that out on you. I say if you went places were you can meet people with similar interest in you, and just keep living your life you will naturally make a friend or two, A real genuine friend is a gift. My best friend greeted my first, in the beginning we were just coworkers but she was so consistent and genuinely kind. So before we knew it were best friends and I’m grateful she talked to me. Cause I was anxious working at that job, but she made it better. You would be surprised how a friendship can blossom unexpectedly when you’re not looking for it!

[@lunaloynaz-lopez2318]

same thing here she was jealous of me for 8 years and legit pushed me into MOVING TRAFFIC ON A MAIN ROAD! my other friends pretended she didn't do anything wrong and ignored it 😍got rid of them and became the "girl with no friends" that must have something wrong with her.... 😍😍😍

[@samaraisnt]

omg this is why moms can’t pick friends…my mom was the “don’t touch my kid i don’t trust either of you” mom and it probably saved me cause i was sooooo shy

[@Reedemedknight]

South Park had an episode where everyone was getting on Facebook. Your “stock value” as a person is measured on how many friends you have on Facebook. If you become friends with someone with no friends then their “stock value” drops and everyone starts unfriending you. I understand it’s a cartoon but it’s an interesting parallel to what is happening here

[@NK-qw5vt]

This is hs age bullshit. I was moved around by my parents a lot as a teenager and this "she's not popular so there's no reason to be friends with her" attitude was very familiar for me. Once everyone was out of school and nobody knew each other where we all ended up it didn't matter anymore, since the deck had been shuffled anew. I even became friends with a girl I met again after a few years in uni who had been too popular to be friends with me when we were 15 or so and I was the new girl in school. It's honestly shocking to me that adults still seem to be stuck in that mindset. ETA towards the end. I've noticed similar dynamics in "too close" friend groups and they start to resemble toxic family Systems or cults at some point. Like there's a designated "butt of the joke" (scapegoat), a dictator, etc. I would love if you could go into this topic in another video.

[@LydiaTaylorMusic]

You're such a good person tbh, I'd never make ammends with someone who bullied me in the past lol. Maybe I'd have more friends if I accepted apologies 😂

[@PrincessWhatsername]

Agreed! I'd love to see a video about friend group dynamics!

[@wareforcoin5780]

​@@LydiaTaylorMusic You're not required to forgive people who have hurt you

[@samaraisnt]

@LydiaTaylorMusic No I’m the same petty all my bullies are opps for life 😂 Miss me w that “I’m soo sorry I bullied you all those years! I was actually in love with you! That’s why I called you ugly & worthless everyday! 😇 Do you wanna go on a date?” miss me w that forever 🙅🏽‍♀️

[@MCLdy]

I don’t want anymore friends. I like to do my hobbies and do what I want without coordinating with someone else.

[@DitaVeneration]

💯 same here

[@m2pozad]

I see girl's friend overload as almost inevitable. Close girl friend groups require work. With each member having the understanding that they become obligated to provide each other with almost limitless emotional support. Then there are the birthdays, lunches, trips and decisions and feelings by committee. Female social networking is work.

[@eliza6971]

Not to mention if one or more people have a touch of main character syndrome, things get out of balance pretty quickly

[@lenaramoon4617]

it's a lot of work for no reason, one mistake and it's friendship ending,,

[@BisquickTheBaboon]

I'm good thanks, I will roll around in the moss and leaves and fill my pockets with bugs and frogs by myself 😊

[@Alienaddikt]

​@@BisquickTheBaboonahh i see you are a goblincore fan too :3

[@Alinda1308]

​@@BisquickTheBaboon Ok, but that seems Paradise to me ❤️

[@prado0089]

Having a few good friends who genuinely treat you well, who don't judge you and aren't passive aggressive is wonderful. I can't tell you how much better it makes your life.For a long time I romanticized loneliness, I saw the bad side of everything and everyone, but after I stopped being toxic and became a healthy person, good friends replaced the toxic ones.Many times it is not the world that is rotten, but you yourself.

[@coolchameleon21]

finding people like that is easier said than done

[@blissfulxsunshine]

it can be both! the world we live in has ✨ issues ✨

[@adams8830]

This. I have maybe 1 or 2 friends who are like this.

[@iguessitslydia]

Interesting topic! My two cents concerning the expansion of your friends: while yes, more friends mean more connections, I also realised at 30 years old, that a lot of the times I spend with my friends are just catching up on each others lives. The conversations are less deep, you just hang out over coffee or dinner. It's not like in my early 20s anymore when you would do activities together. unless perhaps you share hobbies, but then oftentimes the hangouts are connected to the hobby (doing it together, but only that together). When you're single but your friends are in relationships, it's even worse, because they'd rather do certain things with their partners and keep the money available for that instead of time with you.

[@Ms19754]

I've thought about this a lot because I really felt hearth broken by this. I've always valued old friendships more than new ones until it got to the point that I was really unhappy and something switched. I met some new people who don't know me for so long but who can connect with the current version of me better than my old friends. I still have my old friends and would always be there to help them out, etc. but I also accept that we are not as close as we were and that is okay. There are other people who you just meet and connect right away. Just choose who you want to spend your time with.

[@thepragmatist]

This is true.

[@Infotainment-z7f]

I have this too. All my current friends got relationships and started families with kids, and I'm just not a priority anymore to do stuff with or to hang out with. But i'm single with no kids, so my life became lonely and boring. So, it's time to add more friends to my life to compensate.

[@iguessitslydia]

@Infotainment-z7f I'm also Single and for me it really helps to have different hobbies and to keep myself busy with activities that involve different people. It expands the circle of friends. Doing things by myself (for me it is dancing and motorcycle riding), where you still meet others and share an interest, helped so much. Building a personality and focusing on things I enjoy and not only on the friends/family/job I have. And if you don't know what your passions or interest are..it really helps to simply try out a bunch of things that sound at least kind of interesting. Going back to things we enjoyed as kids can help too

[@Infotainment-z7f]

@@iguessitslydia Thanks for the sharing :) Indeed, that's what I realised I should do. I'm trying to focus more on hobbies and meeting other people now. I joined clubs and stuff local to me :)

[@ChaiLatte13]

I'm avoidant and I don't struggle making friends, I just don't want to deal with their emotional issues tbh.

[@publicline]

Couldn’t agree more with what you've said at the end of the video. These days, I’d much rather spend time with my boyfriend or a single friend in a one-on-one setting. When I was younger, I was part of several friend groups, but most of the time, the dynamic turned passive-aggressive and gossipy.

[@thisanonymous5956]

100%

[@swag-machine]

I agree

[@th-ck9vl]

@nMotion-p1p I beg you to reconsider this mentality. I felt the same way. But if they end up leaving, you will feel so isolated and alone. Couples shutting out the world for only each other is a disaster waiting to happen for both people. Usually very young people do this, and since young love is wild and heartbreaking it hits even harder when you go your separate ways and are completely alone. Hope for the best, but plan for the worst. If not friends, at least keep family close! It's much easier for couples to find friends in other couples. Double dates are fun!

[@Honeyyredz]

@@th-ck9vlright my ex left me am now I’m back isolated and bored u can’t just depend on ur partner for company

[@Savannah-xx3zk]

Yes this is what codependency looks like and possibly male-centering.

[@hearthappyvibes391]

If you learn to be happy alone, you will attract people who want to be around you. It's so easy for me to let go of friends if they aren't in alignment with my life and values. It's easy for me to adapt to changes.

[@disdain7143]

having more people in your life 100% means less time for everyone involved, including yourself. i just dont feel like trading the little free time i have for being with another human, its draining

[@hippiegypsygirl]

@@disdain7143 yeah I want it in theory but I don’t want it if I had it

[@amandaconstanza]

for me is the opposite, I need to see people to feel more energized and happy, if I don't see anyone I care for in 2 weeks I start to feel sad and tired. But obviously too many relationships are difficult to maintain.

[@lalasi5832]

​@@amandaconstanza I am the same. I like to spend quality time with friends. I don't like being always lonely

[@JiannaSandoval]

I agree. But I feel like people think you need to give EVERYONE in your life the same energy. You don't need to be everyone's best friend or even "good friend." You can't be, and that's okay. 🖤

[@KaceyManjarrez]

1000% agree. People DO take time from you, and that’s ok, but then you can’t have an unlimited amount. It’s sort of a personal journey you have to take yourself. Making friends and maintaining friends has a lot to do with being interested in other people and that’s energy spent, it’s work. It’s worth it, but again, it’s everyone’s personal choice.

[@PaperParade]

I always like this line from a song “I learned a lot about being a friend when I was alone”. I have spent most of my 20s either not having any friends at all, or not having any close friends. So when I do meet someone, I put a lot of effort into how I treat people because I have spent so much time thinking about how I wish I’d be treated by others. I think people like me probably are the best sorts of friends because once you have us, you have us for life.

[@dianne9365]

Well said, I totally agree with your sentiments. My life has followed the same path as yours, I am much older than you and unfortunately have become quite cynical as far as 'friends' go. Too many people only like to be listened to and turn away when it is your turn to need some support, I am now trying to have very low expectations to prevent future hurt. All the best.

[@Winner01562]

Well are you looking for friends cuz so am I honestly, I’m thankful for everyone who has come into my life but me I’ll put in effort , I just pray someone will do the same

[@Cuspofmagic19]

I am like you in this context! I'm so happy I'm my alone ....thank you ❤

[@nervousbreakdown711]

My autistic PTSD ass needed this video. I get so insecure about not being invited to a million parties a month or having a core group of besties.

[@EmiliaDaniela]

🙋🏼‍♀️ my autistic ptsd also brought me here

[@intuicionestudio]

Hehe don't lie, you get insecure but deep down you are greatful 😂

[@kaylawaters2691]

I have none of these things in life happen to me. Work is tiring enough so thankfully my lack of friends mean i don't get invited to crap. Lol.

[@FrankieAlisha]

As a therapist, I only have 1 close friend at a time and I’ve realized that I prefer like 1 (at most 2) close friend so that I can be intentional. It’s overwhelming to have so many relationships and try to provide quality, like celebrating birthdays and spending time, etc.

[@sarahcox1197]

Thank you for validating my distrust of groups. I've become convinced that the more people are added to the group, the more twisted the overall narrative can get. Groups tend to attract a toxic person (usually a narcissist) who scales to the top and tries to establish an order and assign roles and anyone who goes against that (just by being themselves) are easily scapegoated, castigated, and pushed out. I won't even attempt to try group therapy for this very reason.

[@lasagnasquare5604]

This happend to my friend group. We had a good connection amongst 4-6 people and than 1 more person joined and they kept adding people and within one year there were 10-15 people. Leading to the original 4-6 not meeting up anymore. And because the others like to cause drama we don't meet in the smaller group anymore. So there are hardly any other meet-ups anymore.

[@E_swi]

I got rid of all of my friends, intentionally, because I felt like they weren’t for me anymore. I didn’t feel like changing myself just to have them around. I feel more lonely being around people that treat me like I have a problem than being alone and living my life how I want to. Friends are a true blessing but only if they actually know you and you don’t feel uncomfortable around them. Otherwise, it’s not the end of the world if you don’t have friends right now. Life is always changing and it isn’t perfect. I think I learned a lot more about myself and what I want from life when I was alone. I felt like I was following the status quo when I had tons of friends

[@Clefairy77]

Girl 💞 same, I got rid of a lot of my "friends", I only kept one. I just got tired of giving my energy to people who don't deserve it. Now I'm super picky with who I allow in my life. I treasure my peace too much💕

[@Youraveragemillenial]

For me, it’s been a steady decline in emotional and physical energy since getting into healthcare during the last 10 years. I used to be very outgoing, and now because I’m constantly being drained being understaffed and outnumbered caring for patients, I have nothing left when I go home. I love my people, but between my job and trying to care for myself and recharging my battery, it leaves nothing left outside of that which is sad but that’s reality.

[@CharMendoza]

I felt this. I'm also in healthcare too. My cup is empty and I feel tapped our emotionally.

[@pattersondh]

Not in healthcare but I also have a job that exhausts me, and it's *shocking* how hard it is to socialize when youre running on empty.

[@CharMendoza]

@pattersondh I think right now everyone in America is so burnt out. It's hard to think about friends when you are trying to keep a roof over your head, food on the table, and gas in your car.

[@lyndsaybrown8471]

That was the same story for me as a CPA. It was really hard to connect outside of work because work was pretty much any time, being expected to drop everything for someone else's fire drill.

[@squreshi8413]

totally understand. Also in healthcare you see SO many people in a day, that even the MOST social person wants alone time after. Most people's jobs they talk to a few other people in a day, not 40!

[@VicariouslythroughChrisceil]

All of us friendless women should connect.

[@butterscotchwm]

This video felt pretty validating. I think we’re sold on the idea of friends and friend groups through media in the same way we’re sold on romantic relationships. And thank you for saying that you don’t need a “bff” or a big bachelorette party friend group as long as you have some people in your life who support you. Right now I have my family, my boyfriend, a couple local acquaintances, and a couple friends out of state I talk to online. I don’t have a “bff.”

[@r456mjon]

Exactly. My brother was feeling bad for not having a group of friends like in friends. I told him most people do not have that.

[@forTehMemes]

On KZbin I got recommended videos of “I’m X age and I have no friends”. I watched a few of them and it’s honestly so sad to see. Loneliness is the worst thing anyone can suffer from

[@anusha2465]

I am tired of lonliness

[@amyswallow742]

Sometimes the loneliest place to be is in a friend group and feeling chained, unable to be yourself, and making the realization those people actually don't care about you, just your facade.

[@seasyrenn]

Not the worst but it can feel on some days

[@shreyar6746]

​@@amyswallow742you guys go from extreme to extreme. You only need 1 good friend.

[@Sarah-with-an-H]

I don't have friends but the times I've felt most lonely where not the times I've been alone. Its been the times I've been around people.

[@mightyobserver12]

When you've been betrayed a lot... That is sad.

[@Cutiejuliya]

Its so hard to connect these days 😭

[@Myonexis]

Yeah I can never maintain friendships because i don't want to be annoying or something, and there isn't all that much to do/talk about together. I have some people that i talk to maybe twice a year or others where i only send memes to in lieu of actually talking (unless something serious happens). It's kinda weird. But then i think i may have autism so... I'm pretty happy though in most regards, and talking to chatgpt is enough when i need to rant.

[@jfrydom]

Can't be me. Connecting is easier than ever with the ability to form both online and offline friendships that are deep and meaningful.

[@chrystianaw8256]

People are very clique-y and want to be entertained right off the bat, instead of building a relationship that progresses naturally.

[@Jaylade]

@@Myonexis Lol ranting to chatgbt

[@XBeVo503X]

​@@jfrydom🤡

[@electric_leo1630]

As a guy with ASD, I can relate. It’s hard to be friends with random people. It’s usually the people I can get socially intimate with that I can be friends with. I can understand a lot of girls with ASD only hanging with family and their partner.

[@NegativeAccelerate]

As a girl with ASD, I find it easy to make friends in college . I just befriend other autistic people, of which there are many here. But also a lack of popularity hierarchy helps. But yeah, a lot of autistic girls mask their autism to the point that you can't bond with them in an autistic way.

[@SebastianSeanCrow]

14:26 on valuing romantic partners over platonic ones a lot of it boils down to who’s been there for you more and who you’ve been with longer. So many people completely abandon lifelong friendships over newly found romance and *thats* what gets people upset. And it’s completely socially acceptable and expected.

[@hallofreunde5227]

Thats what i like about making friends with people who are already in a relationships. you know that and how much time they actually have for friends from the beginning, instead of downgrading a friendship out of no where (because they found a Boyfriend) from seeing each other 2 times a week to maybe once a month or even less

[@lucillespider]

My theory is that the girls who don’t want new friends are avoidants, and they’re exhausted from the codependent nature of their friendships with anxiously attached friends. new friends means more work when you don’t have strong boundaries.

[@nickalicious2335]

Yes!

[@SS-cu8se]

This is so true! I was friends with an fearful-anxiously attached person and that friendship ended. I naively thought that she was a “safe” friend that would be genuine to me & not be drama, and she ended up being exactly that! Except she had a long running list of things against me (without discussing them with me) and I guess the resentment was too much. If I could re-live my 20s, I would be more open to meeting new people instead of just focusing on one because I thought it wasn’t worth it to make more. But I guess you live and you learn.

[@catladyzazo9881]

Yes!

[@precioussantos807]

Yesss this is exactly how I feel about friendships these days. Too high maintenance

[@ShepSteak]

The codependency is something I can't deal with! My last friendship ended because of this and them not being able to give me space and a certain level of respect for my boundaries.

[@damaris7687]

I'm a childhood trauma survivor. The more I healed, the more I realized that most of the relationships I had were one sided. The more I came home to myself the more I realized the selfish people in my life. So I had to let those relationships go. Currently investing in the healthy relationships in my life. Having no friends for some time has helped me heal

[@jenericstewart]

i'm 63 and never have had 1 real friend. grew up bullied, moved a lot. nowadays, i find that it is just too much work to develop them. i've given up. btw, most years i strove for friends, but the people that i worked at being friendly to because they were in a new environment, they ended up inevitably using me as a stepping stone to more popular people. there is something wrong with me, but i am caring less all the time. just not worth it.

[@coolchameleon21]

my mom is the same age and has had many similar struggles. i’m in my twenties and i’m basically just like her and probably will be for the rest of my life

[@EmiliaDaniela]

You seem so kind, I can assure you that there's nothing wrong with you

[@latoyathomas9640]

I'M THE OUTCAST OF MY FAMILY.

[@LifeisaBeautifulting]

I feel like I just don't know how to connect with people long-term anymore after COVID and years of living alone. Plus work taking over most of my life makes it hard to explore hobbies. I have no clue what people even connect over

[@alunicat]

the essence of being can be enough of a thing to connect over

[@Feedthesoul420]

Based ​@@alunicat

[@Misssayuri110]

I'm getting married next year- I don't have a maid of honour or bridesmaids because I simply don't have anyone. My invite list is basically non-existent but my fiance is still best friends with his elementary school friends- there's moments in your life where the loneliness really hits hard.

[@grumpyschnauzer]

Being a part of a friend group requires a lot of conformity and sometimes downplaying who you are to fit in. No thanks! I like to have my own mind and own space without someone dictating who's "in" and who's "out. My SO and I are in our late 30s and 40s and there's still a "ring leader" trying to puppeteer everyone. She's a single mom who uses her friend groups for significance and support and it feels very self-serving.

[@TasnuvaAshrafUm]

I dont find this true as someone who joined a group very late - I am allowed to be myself because I try to allow everyone to be themselves too

[@StrategyCats]

Many people want to have good friends. Only some are capable of being a good friend

[@kaitlynkarol4600]

@@TasnuvaAshrafUm - That's great if that is your dynamic and I hope it stays that way for you but most of these groups are cliquish and become hive-minded very quick b/c of ego and power struggles. The best way to ensure you keep your peace of mind is to keep healthy boundaries and if you feel like that is being breeched, then you must speak up and clear the air b/c the best way to be a friend is to be honest and straight up instead of playing politically correct ppl-pleasing games. Passive-aggressiveness is a high school trait and most fd. groups tend to be like this. Maturity is lost in most ppl these days as the world is being run by babies and psychos. If you are all accountable to one another, then you are blessed! :)

[@TasnuvaAshrafUm]

@@kaitlynkarol4600 oh all of speak up constantly, it’s very comforting bc the boundaries do get respected

[@munequa81]

I used to be envious of girls (including family members) that had lots of friends. Till I heard and witnessed the drama, the back stabbing, the blackmailing, and the gossip that was rife in these circles. Now, I'm thankful I didn't pass the vibe check in regards to these types of people.

[@stefin1]

Creating and maintaining quality friendships require hard work, time, and communication. If you goal is to have a lot of friends, ask yourself: Am I actively putting myself out there? Am I reaching out to others, even when they don't reach out to me? If they're not reaching out, why? How can I be a better friend? It's also a numbers game. Also, you can't control whether or not someone wants to be your friend, no matter how good of a person you think you are. It's also important to understand that others may not want more friendships because maintaining friendships require energy. Perhaps they're busy and aren't willing to take on another friendship in their life. It may not have anything to do with you. One thing is for certain though, people can sense desperation, so try your best to be grateful for what already you have in your life.

[@vivvy_0]

so basically it’s a loosing game

[@jessicahernandez3090]

100% agree with this!!! Also sometimes the environment you’re living in isn’t the most suitable to make good and healthy friends, so it might take a little longer to find honest people, but they do exist! Just put yourself out there but also learn how to love yourself and what you already have🥰

[@coolchameleon21]

@@stefin1 this sounds so complicated

[@summer22222]

​@@coolchameleon21 life is complicated. 🤷🏻 But he is absolutely spot on, imo.

[@coolchameleon21]

@@summer22222 yeah i’m good. my life is already stressful enough without all of that. putting all that time and effort into something that probably won’t even work out or last seems pointless to me. idk maybe i just don’t value it that much

[@Neon_Medusa]

10:07 you being someone who thirsts for more friends doesn't mean that adding more people won't split up your time more, it literally will

[@xTwisteDxLollipoPx]

Literally what I thought too. That’s exactly what happens, especially because not everyone will like each other and nor should they have to. I’ve been at a point where I’ve stretched myself too thin between friends and I really had to reconsider who I actually counted as a close friend within the last 3-4 years.

[@unionunicorn6776]

It sucks to be judged by people who don’t know you or your story. I don’t have friends because I have childhood PTSD and moved around a lot as a kid, so I wasn’t able to make friends when I was “supposed” to make friends. And I tended to make friends with the wrong people because I was so eager to be a people pleaser I would consistently accept less than I deserved because people would just keep me around to use me. So when I finally decided to care about myself for once, I’m seen as a bad person because I don’t want to keep giving to users and abusers. It sucks to feel like people will judge you for such a superficial reason.

[@Kinfure]

This is just like my story as well. Thanks for sharing Yeah I find it so hard to reach out to others, I don't want to seem desperate or risk embarrassing myself. But because I don't reach out, most of the people that are quick to hang with me have varying degrees of narcissism and other personality disorders that people with established boundaries don't tolerate as much. Everyone has issues, I get that. But that doesn't give them the right to suck up all my time and energy for their selfish needs.

[@iveylynmay]

I usually love people who don't have lots of friends. I'm one of your people, you always have a seat at my table.

[@arlylizano6991]

Regarding your 9:43 comment: From a girl that doesn't want any more friends, My reasoning is that, my social battery can only take so much. Its not about the schedule or anything. Its within me. New friends means I have to stir the conversations to create connections and that takes alot from me. With my established friends, I can jus listen and laugh whenever we are together.

[@latoyathomas9640]

Jealousy is the root of why some connections won't ever happen.

[@KP-hj3tc]

getting bullied as a kid definitely led me to reject people as i got older! it wasn't until i confronted those issues that i started forming solid, healthy long-term relationships with others. i have so many lovely people to count on now and its growing every day. great video! also agree on friend group dynamics. i always used to envy them until i started to join them...and realized how much of it depended on coercive control and codependency. i'm much more satisfied having loosely connected friend circles that dont need to be up each others asses all the time.

[@melissabennett6571]

Friends? In this economy?

[@kyledevane8782]

Betrayal can be difficult.

[@CasualKnitter]

Not wanting any more friends is understandable for me, keeping the ones I have is already lots of work, they have their kids, their drama and personal problems which we navigate as friends, i don't want to go through it again with another person...

[@heyimSkyee]

Autism, low confidence, and working 50+ hours a week on overnights keep me alone

[@roguehy]

hello everyone here who is neurodivergent and struggles to make friends. i want to give you all a virtual hug. i am neurodivergent and always feel out of place. i think i want friends but then i realize each time i try that friends only stress me out, and i always seem to give more than i get, so ive learned to not be so open. someone here said something about “can you write about them?” and i love that because it’s exactly how i always put it. i just want someone who i genuinely enjoy thinking about, musing about. someone kind and warm and brave who i feel safe around, not anxious. that is the only person i am ok with living in my mind and sharing my life, the only connection i have ever been interested in maintaining. but because i have never found that person i think im the problem and my standards are just too high. yet i have never truly lowered them no matter how much i try. i would rather be alone with my dogs. i love them and they love me back. it’s a relationship that makes sense. unlike most human relationships

[@poppymorley9838]

Thank you!!! You just said everything I feel, I’ve always felt like I’m the only one ❤

[@ana_carol89]

I needed this! Growing up, I didn't have a good example of healthy relationships, and I also struggled a lot with my sexuality, since I'm from a small town in Brazil. When I moved out of my mother's house to a different city, I found this group that helped me celebrate the part of myself I had spent my life trying to run away from, but aside from that, it was completely toxic. It took me 10 years to admit to myself that being in that group was really bad for my health. I had to hit rock bottom to realize that. Now, with therapy and physical exercise, I'm doing much better! I've been a bit lonely, but I'm working on it. Recently, I joined a samba group 😊

[@breadboigaming7420]

As a man, this video resonates with me so much. I’m currently going through a personal growth period and it’s resulted in losing practically all my “friends.” It’s super lonely and hard to cope with at times, but it beats having enemies for friends.

[@STAR-LIGHT.1111]

For me "Friends" turned out to be jealous and envy. Don't get me wrong, I do not have the perfect life, Nothing fancy not many achievements. I'm very empathic and always been a people pleaser and i'm unlearning it. I tried to do the *right thing*. I'm now isolated. And if i meet new people, I see that they actually get rid of me on social media. Probably because i'm lowkey. I stopped wanting validation, And i lost the excitment i once had by meeting new people. And it's completely fine that they got rid of me. It just is... Because i know i didn't do anything wrong or something to cause it.

[@mirrormirror444]

Same, I was attractive most of my life I thought I was unattractive but it turns out my friends were jealous and told me in 30’s that’s why some of them dropped me

[@angelajennings1633]

This is something that happens to me as well. I do not believe that people like authenticity. I think people are shallow and want to live in their delusions. I think that authentic people who are not constantly trying to put up a front reflect how phony they need to be and thus they abandon you. It's painful.

[@seasyrenn]

​@mirrormirror444 I feel you...on so many levels...girls for some reason despise me since I lost weight and it makes me feel like I was better off staying overweight...😅 this society is just so confusing and upside down

[@STAR-LIGHT.1111]

​@@angelajennings1633 You are absolutley on point, These people are cut off from their true selves.

[@StayAtHomeMeme]

In general, most friendships are friendships of convenience. They are not based upon deep connections but rather who you are around and who is available to you at the time. And they may be mediocre friends because of it. They won’t be there for you through thick and thin. Most friendships aren’t movie friendships. 99% of friendships will not be lifelong. In addition, our culture prioritizes self care and boundaries and not putting yourself in uncomfortable situations. Which is good, but can also hinder exploration into things and experiences that are new and different. So many times, especially for young adults, people are writing off possible friendships because they are intolerant of anything “uncomfortable”. (I’m not talking dangerous stuff here) Sometimes people are too afraid to push past their comfort zone and instead stay home because it’s just easier.

[@SS-cu8se]

Totally agree with this! We’re in the era of “protect your peace & cut that person off.” The problem is, if they haven’t done anything egregious to you, the idea of “breaking up” with a friend or potential friend like a romantic partner, is not only extreme, but it destroys any possibility of building community, which is usually comprised of weak ties (acquaintances) and close ties. It’s like people have a certain idea of what a friend is, and if someone is unable to fit into that role, they would rather cut that person off like they’re firing an employee, than accept the level of friendship that that person is willing to give and allow them to be part of their community. It’s very weird & totally contributes to the loneliness epidemic.

[@StayAtHomeMeme]

@@SS-cu8se 100% agree. You worded that perfectly. My 13 year old daughter has trouble with this kind of thing. Like she refuses to do things her friends want to do if it’s something she doesn’t particularly like. I keep trying to tell her, you’re not going to find friends that only like what you like. Sometimes you hours do stuff for them.

[@adlantian6334]

I partially agree. I definitely agree it is good to expand your comfort zones, but friendships aren't the only way to do that. Just because I choose not to put energy into more friends does not mean I can't expand my comfort cmzine in other areas of my life. I would rather focus my time on 1-2 people I trust with my life and have a wide range of cool new experiences together than a pool of 10-20 glorified acquaintances who only want to do the same old boring activities we always do together.

[@StayAtHomeMeme]

@ that’s awesome. It’s rare to find friends like that so if you have them hang on to them!

[@paxtonanthonymurphy3733]

I recommend not mixing friend groups because each group has it's own r'aison d' etre and it's own group dynamic that works until you start monkeying with it. The dark haired girl seems like a potential CEO and could possibly develop a friend work/life group or close network.

[@sj-el4lu]

Yep, I'm very careful with adding to my groups but I notice that friend groups consisting of couples can get thrown off by new partners getting added by default.

[@echo_rook_earthscribe]

I am very socially awkward, and have generally struggled developing and maintaining friendships throughout my life. Most of my friendships up through college were simply situational, classmates, fellow performers, etc. As an adult, I can feel quite lonely sometimes, because I am long distance from family and coven, but I know I am not alone. I have preferred spending time alone most of my life, and sometimes feel like something is wrong with me. But I am learning that my peace is much more important than superficial socializing.

[@jazcb-x1l]

It’s funny that this came up on my timeline.. just today I have been considering my lack of friends, and I’m finally in a place where I am okay with that.

[@Anjemivas]

I've never felt like I needed friends but ppl would always shame me into feeling like i should have friends but like idk I'm just good on my own and have no problem talking to people, I'm a pretty social person and just don't enjoy so many people around me all the time

[@Natalie_Jean]

I never was able to keep friends until I started working on my CPTSD and realized how I was pushing people away. Look within ♥️

[@SinaLaJuanaLewis]

Listen as many so called friends who have treated me like crap....I'm good without friends😢

[@SheilaPatterson]

I recently purged all but one friend recently. Mostly because I realized how unaligned all my other friends were, and/or I was the one doing the most and that energy was rarely reciprocated. Thanks to my first heroic dose in March, I lost my fear of death and of being alone, and was able to prune what and who drained me or took but didn’t give. I also realized I couldn’t be my full authentic self with these people, and my new motto emerged: if it’s not real, I don’t want it. Sadly, the vast majority of the population isn’t authentic or deep, and I refuse to commune with that vibe. It’s lonely but it’s not. I am content and love myself enough, where *I am* all that I need, truly. And I recognize that real, deep, true connections are beautiful…. and I am only open to that, so I might have to wait awhile. And that’s okay.

[@em7937]

Same. I dropped dating and friends one aftee another. I am tired of the social norms, and no authenticity or real conmection. Turns out I had the best Holidays by myself!!

[@PumpkinMozie]

“My best friend was my bully” YES I feel this one. It messed me up a lot.

[@samco63]

I relate to the blonde girl at minute 15… I have a lot of acquaintances but I’m the emergency friend for sure. The last minute bridesmaid lol. Literally. And I’m the friend they come to with issues especially for their relationships and once they’re happy, they disappear again! And I do have a friend group I met at music gigs and yep, the more people the more toxic it’s become unfortunately !

[@RyshFel]

I don’t think there’s anything wrong if someone says “they don’t need anymore new friends” I believe it’s a personal boundary. Just because they don’t need MORE friends or NEW friends, doesn’t mean they don’t care for connection. It could be that they have so much going on in their life and would like to keep their circle small. Also just because you have A LOT of friends doesn’t mean you’re connected and that you are feeling connection with them. You can have a lot of friends and be surrounded by a lot of people all the time and still feel lonely and unconnected. It’s important to have HIGH QUALITY CONNECTIONS over QUANTITY of collections. So if someone is CONTENT with their circle of friends and they get the GENUINE connection that they need from them, then there is nothing wrong with that.

[@NobodysFool4444-s6w]

adding people to your life increases the gossip behind your back, the judgement of your life, the manipulation of what they want you to do; No thanks. I'll take my spouse and not leave the house, thank you ha!

[@Doingmybest700]

But why is that so true 😢

[@avrilduck8326]

As a people pleaser, it gets harder to manage self-care.

[@kyledevane8782]

I would look into whether we are easy targets for those predatory people, like you mention in another video, and how we can be open to new relationships without being over invested too early; or, atleast build some healthy boundaries that don't require constant guard because someone attempts to push them frequently.

[@ianmini757]

I think the main issue isnt that people dont want any more friends because they are cliquey but that its very rare to find people to be friends with that you have a true connection with. I can make small talk with just about anyone but that doesnt mean I can be close friends with anyone. You need to find people to invest time into that fill your cup and unfortunately not all personalities will mesh well enough to be friends with

[@ianmini757]

Don't settle for fake friends yall. It's not worth it. Keep holding out for the real ones

[@tigress5173]

10:56 I've tried to create friend groups by introducing my individual friends to one another. I thought they could get along well and we can have more fun together. But it never worked. When it comes to friend groups, it seems almost inevitable to two of group members being more close (even out of 3 people). And if the duo have similar negative feelings for someone else, they tend to isolate themselves or the other person/people. You can lose both of them when you only wanted to expand your social circle in the first place. Keep them seperate.

[@Shineynsparkles]

Facts girl math with side wars are crazy ….

[@maliajenningsaj]

So true. My daughter is going through this right now

[@salome.annamarie]

I COMPLETELY agree with your theory!!! When I moved from the city to a small town I asked a group of girls to hang out some time (we were like 13) and they legitimately told me word for word; “we have enough friends” and it’s been a struggle my entire life to find a friend group that accepts me fully. I’m queer and just came out as nonbinary and I am okay with it now if the people of my past don’t want to be friends, I’m creating my dream life and I’ll meet the people I’m meant to meet. I trust in the process and one day I’ll have so many friends that I’ll have slumber parties and movie nights etc like I’ve always dreamed.

[@alunalalune8691]

neurodiverse woman here somethings that have steered me away from having close female friendships are: Friendship Fast track: people want to become best friends over night instead of the eb and flow of vetting to guage interest, values, etc Vapid and shallow: I just don't have the capacity or bandwidth to talk about or engage in things like celebrity gossip, latest fads, etc Accolade sounding board: I have the capacity to wish and cheer on many loved ones in my life for their accomplishments, some however have MC energy going on and expect/require consistent praise and adoration. Avid Gossiper: My nervous system does not allow me to even feel remotely safe around someone who constantly is looking for, or spreading gossip. Honey Pot Troupe: "I'm pretty, you're pretty, let's go out being pretty together so guys will give us attention and buy us things" Trauma Dumpers/Perpetual Victim: I think this one explains itself. Now to be fair I understand everyone does this in give or take measures within a social dynamic to some capacity. Sadly my tea cup is way too small to be filled to the brim with it all

[@Mkhonto]

Spot on

[@zedmak]

Ditto

[@SerenityMoon-pw3bd]

As someone who also doesn’t want/need more friends, it has nothing to do with thinking I can’t divide myself evenly? Like what ? They’re not my kids. Friendships, relationships, and people are just exhausting. I’m and introvert hanging out even with people I’m close with us draining. Especially now that I have 2 kids. Like im overstimulated enough as it is without Becky trying to call me up for mimosas at 8am on Saturday.

[@ryanconrad92]

We can thank social media for this. Why have friends when we can just have online para social relationships and connect with people from the comfort of our homes? I think this affects everyone, but women are more vocal about it. Having friends takes time, energy, money, and mental capacity, a lot of which people just don’t want to spend, which is so sad. I’m a 32M and I have no friends and stopped trying to make them a long time ago. I’ve found people just don’t reach out to me if I don’t reach out to them

[@MissMoontree]

It also caused people to hang towards old friends too much. People may stop trying because you are spending more time and effort on people far away. New connections are friends too and you must put yourself out there to make them.

[@thepragmatist]

Social media has definitely influenced friendships and caused a rise in parasocial relationships.

[@justicejones7646]

I don't really want any more friends because I feel like I can barely maintain the few friendships I have. Being "friends" with a new person would just be unfair to them because I would probably never talk to them or try to hang out. I am already exhausted enough as it is.

[@Davian775]

I always struggled making friends. I am getting better now. I am a very closed of person, fearful of rejection, and introverted. Now, I am opening up to people and taking more risks that could cause rejection. I hanging out with more people. Even though I don't have any deep connections, my relationships are getting way better. I noticed that I typically have to make the first move. This has been working out for me.

[@ilya8132]

In my experience, the women I platonically pursue don't want to do the work. They only want to meet up last minute, push their problem onto me (lack of introspection), or they've never thought deeply about things. I feel like a pawn to make them FEEL like they have friends so they can ignore something else. I get overwhelmingly bored while also somehow getting exhausted.

[@nowherenothere]

Lack of introspection. I never realized that’s the issue. That explains why they get so mad when I suggest reflection. Makes a lot of sense. Thank you, this helps me let go of a lot.

[@liv2003]

I am neurodivergent. I have had so many close friendships/ friendgroups that havent lasted at all, that I have a fear of abandonment. I have anxious and avoidant attachment (+ my love language with friendships is acts of service) and almost all of them have dropped me on a dime I cant provide acts of service, and need a friend. I feel like my relationships are a self fulfilling prophecy, and with all of my relationships, i am waiting for that hat to drop, no matter if I put so much work into others or not. Its terrifying.

[@EmiliaDaniela]

It's not our fault to act neurodivergent because there's nothing we can do, but our people are out there, stay strong, I believe in you

[@AbbySmith-mf4yq]

it's really helpful to hear this honestly, im in grad school and ive been feelign really left out of the various friend groups that have formed, but honestly i wouldnt enjoy myself hanging out with them even if i was invited

[@LadyErnst]

Friendships are relationships. It takes effort, grace, trust, respect, and reciprocity to maintain longevity. If one or the other doesn’t make it a priority the friendship will be lost. There is give and take, and nuance to every friendship, but if one person is consistently doing all the giving or taking, the other person will feel taken advantage of; then the friendship inevitably ends. Reciprocity is key. It doesn’t mean tit for tat. It means there is a reasonable reason they can’t be there but they will get to you and make time for you. It’s never a chore if you both bring balance, peace, and joy to each other’s lives. ❤

[@ironically_joy]

I have "friends" as in people who can ask me for a kidney and Id give it, but I have to beg them to come to my birthday and they never text me first. Its always been like this, always one sided, with every single group, but the only other option is to be alone so I just have to come terms with the fact that im just the satelite friend who is useful for a while but is dropped the second I have no further use. The saddest part is I still feel like I love every single one of the ones who dropped me and feel happy when I see their life updates on social media. Im just the background character in their story while thay are cornerstones in mine