Everyday ways to see through people's defenses

[@YourUpstairsNeighbor]

Holy crap Doc, that just made me realize why my friend feels so negatively about homeless people! I think she's afraid that if she admits that homelessness isn't 100% a result of laziness then she's admitting there are external, uncontrollable factors. Then she'd be admitting it could happen to her. And that matches up with her aversion to uncertainty & instability

[@AnaPsychology]

I was hoping I'd see examples like this in the comments! I love seeing people realize insights like this

[@Brazil-loves-you]

​@@Gettothegoneoutlandish claims lol

[@Seamannon]

@@Brazil-loves-you why would you say that? why are you so dismissive about someone's observation? maybe you're in denial regarding this topic?

[@LowestofheDead]

​@@GettothegoneIt's true that a lot of our psychological problems are caused by poverty, eroding of social institutions and other economic systemic issues. Equally, we can't expect one KZbinr to single handedly solve capitalism herself - that's individualistic. The real question is, why do you talk socialism but have a profile pic supporting the Ukraine invasion? Putin's not going to bring back the USSR, he's just a non-Western capitalist.

[@blackopal3138]

@@Gettothegone Like a biological textbook. Scary af

[@ZweiZombies]

The ides of disliking your shadow-self in others as much as you do in yourself brings to mind a guy I studied with, that I deeply disliked.. I felt like he pretended to be confident. I'm pretty sure that I was/am deeply afraid of having to pretend confidence, or being someone that pretends confidence. I'm working on it by accepting that side of myself, and allowing myself to express insecurity without shame of myself, and that compassion helps getting over it. Just an aspect of the mantra that all emotions are valid, in that sense.

[@AnaPsychology]

I love reading this insight!!

[@danmaertens7872]

All emotions are valid! Well said.

[@butterscotchwm]

I think the big one for me that's easiest to remember is when people make general statements about the world or about "people" and it turns out to be a projection. Sometimes I'll have the thought that the world isn't that warm or friendly, but then I remember that I'm actually not that warm or friendly (until we've chatted for a bit).

[@CoffeeCrashedMal]

Good one!

[@caiomatheus817]

Yeah, that’s really interesting. It was one of my key take ways from the video as well! In addition, I was thinking, it makes sense that this kind a behavior is a projection, everybody has a intuitive knowledge that the world and people are way more complicated then our understanding of them. General statements about people and the world at large are bound to be misguided yet we do it anyway all the time! It has to be something that we are holding deep down! I guess the things we say has way more potential to reveal something about ourselves then the world…

[@Peaceonearth2024]

So nice to see she’s Dr.Ana now! 😊 I used to watch her videos back when she was still a student

[@be1tube]

5:42 Defining someone's shadow self as" the most ego dystonic form of them" really made a light bulb go on! Thank you.

[@LudovicaParziale]

“Quirky psychopath” 🤣🤣 What??? That's a good nickname though

[@musingsunfiltered]

I am already too good at this and it actually winds up hurting me more often. My advice: Ignorance is bliss. Being over-aware of everything hurts the soul.

[@BennettYancey]

I totally agree! It’s hard to unsee it once you see it…*sigh*

[@bleh329]

As someone who's suffered abuse and bullying much of their life, I find it quite comforting. When you grow up in that kind of environment it's hard not to believe there's something fundamentally wrong with you and that's why everyone treats you that way. You must deserve it, otherwise why would they possibly do it? That's what ignorance gets you.

[@Anandroid]

Just wanted to say - that I’ve been watching your videos for years since you were in school. I have pages of notes I have taken from most of your videos. I’ve learned so much from you. You the bomb

[@AnaPsychology]

You take notes?? 🥺 feel honored!

[@rafimuntakim8996]

Heyyyy, I take notes as well lol

[@RisingSunTrail]

I love your videos, they are super interesting. But I have a caveat on people trying to justify their words or saying "I don't want to ..., but". This as you say is often used by people wanting to do/say exactly what they say they don't. However, it can also be a trauma response from being used to people ALWAYS misunderstanding what you are saying and always feeling attacked by literally anything. I learned to say whatever I want to say with the most caution I can (and still being misunderstood) and sometimes starting literally any sentence with "this is not meant to be an attack" or "I don't mean this in a negative way" or something like that. I grew up in a super narcissistic household where you can't say anything without someone feeling personally attacked (and I don't just mean direct criticism, just making any statements about anything or telling my own needs will be seen as an attack...)

[@wonderingpilgrim]

@RisingSunTrail Yes. THIS!!

[@thatcrazyhindu]

This is great, I feel like these days it’s so easy for me to see through people’s egos. I just don’t interact with people who are doing stuff like that as a defense.

[@Brazil-loves-you]

Hello Hindu! Brazil sends you peace and love

[@dwacheopus]

​@@Brazil-loves-youhey, can i get one too?

[@missbimbeaux]

i feel the same way. watching this video explained a lot of stuff that i didnt even realize i was picking up on with people

[@SoVidushi]

The reaction formation thing seems to hold true most of the time, but some people I know are genuine dorks and they will go out of their way to assure you they didn't do something which they actually didn't do. In fact I used to do that a lot before I realized it only makes me look more suspicious.

[@CoastieWest]

I love her new course! Super grateful!

[@AnaPsychology]

So glad you enjoy it!!

[@theimaginationcafe8474]

Saw this notification and what a timing 😅 had a conversation with a friend, within this theme, just a few hours ago. Looking forward to this one.

[@rowang5987]

The Channel 5 video about homelessness and drug use was amazing and it's cool that u talked about it, albeit discretely. Your observation of that dude basically projecting his shadow self onto all of the people struggling with drug use is something that i would not have seen if not for you pointing it out. Love the content.

[@michellegirau8136]

I'm a therapist as well and although some of Freuds is weird the defense mechanisms is realaitivly important for us to notice. We do things without knowing we are projecting and once we are aware we can notice our projection.

[@paulduncanson5831]

Very interesting video thank you so much. The public figure section really struck home, I've had people get so outraged to me about their favorite athletes or teams and I just couldn't fathom why or understand how they could care so much about this person they had never met.

[@showler1132]

This is some great information. I usually like to reflect about what could be lying under the surface of my own mind and how I could approach these thoughts and emotions more consciously. This feels like a good framework to check if I'm on the right track.

[@sierrah5928]

My best friend has a lot of defensiveness and does a lot of defense mechanisms you described, and I know where it stems from but I do get a bit shaken up when it happens. I hope in the future he’s able to let go of some of these mechanisms so he can be more peaceful. But I definitely might have to watch this video again because I’ve been wondering how to understand him better and I think understanding these could help.

[@PennePast4]

Ive recently come to the realization that I had some of these unconscious beliefs about myself and others. I feel so free after having these unconscious thoughts come to the surface. Thank you for the work that you're doing! I admire you and your work and I hope to make a positive impact in people lives as a future clinician/Therapist just like you are.

[@yourghost26]

My friend always tell me that I am in denial of my shadow self but I always doubt if I am not honest enough or that I have become so in denial that I believe my lies now. It gets to my head sometimes.

[@meis7]

i was literally thinking about this topic great timing

[@GuidetteExpert]

I really like this video omg. So true. I would take things personal or question my self but this really helps to see things how dramatic reactions is them not you.

[@oliverrojas3185]

I do see sides of myself, in some of these actions such as splitting and disproportionate reactions. Being more aware of how my behavior may trigger some of these in other people, is helpful. Dr. Ana, Thanks

[@isabelblancas8230]

Can you please make a video on how someone who uses these defense mechanisms can go about working through them?

[@thewindupsweetheart]

this is resonating so deeply right now. I needed to hear this, particularly reaction formation and projection. I’ve been guilty of that recently

[@mahnoor2775]

Absolutely watching this to call myself out😂

[@yu__________]

This video was very important to me. It helped me to understand my own insecurities and to be more understanding about others self-defense mechanisms. It's also fascinating, I always end up researching more on the subject, I wish my teachers could do that ^ ^ Thank you kindly 🍂

[@jasongrice5465]

Thankyou Dr Ana, i really enjoy learning about phycology and your way of being resonates with me. I like your mind.

[@carloscampo9119]

The shadow is one of the most stunning concepts one can learn on. Thanks Ana.

[@TaranJHook]

This helped me a LOT in trying to sort through a conversation I had with a friend a few weeks ago. After a few years of being close friends, I felt we'd make a good pair but was always super nervous to bring up the subject because of a few logistics involved and I also didn't want him to feel scared or upset if he wasn't interested (I was still cool with being friends). I was super stressed about a number of things back in the fall and while venting, I brought up my feelings for him, told him there were times it felt like he returned those feelings but really wasn't sure and over all had no idea how to navigate the situation, was growing confused and just wanted to know where we stood. He started off saying he always thought we were just friends and apologized if he had said or done anything to make things confusing. 3 days later he called me at work, freaking out saying "I wish you would have said something last year!" which to me implied that if I had spoke up sooner the situation would have been different. Then goes on about how both his sister and friend had told him they suspected I was interested in him but he ignored it. As I tried to explain things he would blow the situations out of proportion and twist them into the worst case scenario (it turned more into him rambling that actually accusing me of anything). Then over the next two days through email he blasts me saying he NEVER liked me, that I was making everything about myself, He NEVER wants to hear about my relationship history, or current dating EVER again, "I didn't break your heart, YOU broke your heart!" made it seem like I deserved to get hurt because how dare I love him all mixed in with a bunch of other remarks that directly contradicted what he had said in an earlier email, on the phone, or even in the same email. It was like 'you did all this to yourself'. Not only did he not take any accountability for his blow-up but made me feel like I deserved it. Eventually I fawned and told him I get it, I'll back off and I want some space and then he goes "Glad you understand! 😅" like it was no big deal. I know the guy has some unresolved trauma and unhealthy coping mechanisms that stems from that, which was why I didn't blow up on him, I truly do want to preserve the friendship but I clearly hit a nerve with him somewhere but have no idea where I went wrong to avoid doing the same thing. I'm scared to show any sort of affection or compassion because I don't want to set him off again, I'm scared to ask what happened, I'm scared to bring it up even though it seems like things have blown over. I feel even more confused because I don't even know where our friendship lies anymore. He's not my client, I'm certainly not going to analyze everything that happened but this does clear up a few things about what might be going on under the hood and how I can, one day, approach this topic and just find out what set him off, I don't feel like our friendship can get back on track until I'm able to trust him and feel safe around him again. 😢

[@artisticflower]

Total stranger take here! Just based on how you’ve written about how you two communicate, it sounds like you’re better off parting ways amicably. That whole ordeal of him overreacting and being emotionally aggressive sounds very draining to me.

[@cassielee1114]

It sounds like you got feelings for him and explained that to him but he’s acting as if you faked the friendship to get close to him. Crossed wires? Immaturity on his part? Who knows. Sounds like an unkind reaction either way.

[@medots6194]

Many intriguing concepts were presented in this video... The shadow and what entails, the reason why some interactions become so unexpectedly unpleasant... Thank you for the valuable insights!

[@hanniep8489]

Loved this video so much! I actually have been making observations in myself and others on these topics and you put these thoughts into words!!!

[@amrutamahajan9627]

Loved the part about shadow self! And great video ♥

[@blue-uv4mh]

Uhh, what an interesting theme! Definitly helpful for the everyday world

[@pamelabetances143]

I love this video. I feel like peoples TRUE emotions have always been obvious to me. People will more than likely always project what they’re really thinking and feeling and usually tell on themselves.

[@Ttangko_]

10:25 DARVO, this is exactly what car drivers do, holy

[@JamesMyers4]

#2 Triggering another person's shadow self, with your objectively appropriate everyday words, actions, or emotions, makes me think of this scenario. You are thoroughly confused after throwing a small pebble into a pond and observing a splash that was as big as a boulder being dropped from the top of a mountain. Shallow Hal captures a similar concept when Rosemary jumps off the diving board, and Hal is confused by the intensity of the splash coming from what he saw. Something is not adding up!

[@user-lm6ro4ec9v]

My grandma just passed and I love the idea of Grandma’s journal you mentioned. I think I’ll gift it to my mother’s grandchild. Thank you for your work ❤❤❤

[@jamil-io]

Thanks for this video with so many examples. I just realised one of my defense mechanisms. My father was not present my whole life, and when people asked me about it, I alwayd said, I dont miss it, or that I dont know better. However, deep down, actually I do see how other people have healthy relationships eith their father, and that it is actually something that I feel deeply about. Instead I started sayiing "at least its better to have no father then to have an unhealthy father" or something like that

[@Klygaesh]

You can miss a father, it's alright🙂

[@Colonelguuber]

6:28 Channel 5 docs are really good and in depth

[@miss2slick]

This was enlightening. Thank you, Dr Ana!

[@adamswierczynski]

I get really emotional about the topic of addiction treatment because there were people close to me who were struggling to escape because of the limitations of treatment modalities that are outdated and proven ineffective. The legal status of the cannabis I used led to me being around people whose drug of choice also had to be hidden from society. Addiction being regarded as difficult to treat should be a reflection of the modalities, not the patient. Portugal somehow manages to make drug treatment simple by making drug use legal while keeping drug sales illegal. Once the legal stigma is removed, shame dies, and treatment has higher success. Internalized self stigma is the barrier to recovery, and maybe my passion is driven by the stigma of mental illness that I can relate to being a barrier to recovery; it's harder to escape a box that other people keep shoving you into.

[@9ojira]

This is tough because I don’t want to be incorrectly defensive, I also don’t want to incorrectly judge someone’s defensive are “bad” and I also find myself defending my defensive 😭😭

[@rainahj1669]

hey, I'd love to see some videos from you about CBT and/or cognitive distortions! I was recently diagnosed with bipolar and I love the way you explain things.

[@srccar]

Unbelievably beautiful inside and out! Thank you for these video

[@danmaertens7872]

Thank you for this presentation and thank you for your efforts I really appreciate it it has been very informative. Mostly this video was helpful for me to see where I put up my own defenses on a regular basis instinctually.

[@TiManGames]

Thanks for this great video. It has useful information, no doubt, but I'm wondering about certain people, especially neurotic or anxious people, who might try to use this information to make themselves feel they are in control (Yes I'm aware I'm also thinking about myself here). Obviously it's not something you can take responsibility for, but it did make me wonder about it. It's good to be aware of those things but I imagine it can also make some people really paranoid of others, and they begin to look at people and try to analyze them, to prevent a potential future of them getting hurt, to feel things are in control. Then again, it probably means that paranoia was already there to begin with, and this just enables them to feed it. What do you think?

[@oliviacalton8477]

Sidenote Ana, but the makeup & clothing is looking fabulous!

[@AdrianaIoachimescu]

This video is packed with information that is important. I will listen again.

[@krystle8534]

I don't get paranoid because of projection, but because of past experiences. If it happened before it could happen again. There could be many reasons why people act like they do, that's why you have to know someone's story to understand their behavior.

[@vania698]

Thank you very much!

[@gustavohelmer6564]

Great video! Btw I finished reading your book and I liked it a lot especially cause It focused on "real" magic and not some sort of Harry Potter type of thing, nothing wrong with HP, but I was craving for something more realistic and your book was able to provide it.

[@AnaPsychology]

This means so much, thank you!! If you haven't yet and have the time, I'd greatly appreciate an Amazon review :)

[@Therudicle2]

I find this video to be very helpful. Thank you for covering this topic Dr. Ana.

[@rroxanna]

I remember watching your channel back when it was a lot smaller than it is now. It's great that you've grown :)

[@_briantravis]

Favorite video on this channel! Pure valuable information, super well explained :)

[@00Kath]

This is very helpful in understanding others and ourselves. Thank you very much for what you teach and do on your channel. Thank you! 🎉❤😊

[@dohaelkerriou2888]

You are such a model to me, I really admire your personality even though I don't really know you but you have such a beautiful energy 💕 from Morocco 💌

[@Notyourgirl-nv7lt]

This inspired me to think about myself, thank you! Very informative and well said

[@bermudaluvv]

I had a friend who we used to be ebst friends through highschool, a little after I moved from my hometown and they had just visited me in the city-- that told me they were sick and I would check every week, then every month, then months after when I stopped reaching out they called me and started crying about that I never listen to them, that I became a different person, that I'm toxic and blamed me for a comment on of their other friends said, and sobbing about caring about homeless people before saying I should go to therapy.. Whatever I said they continued with another drama - bringinh up thing from earlier in hishcsool and calling me immature etc.. I suggested they call me again when they ready to talk to me, he said maybe in in 2 months... Which 2 months later they said I need help, and that was a wrap... I was frustated with myself at how I handled it but glad it's over and being able to learn from it

[@raygiguette8677]

I can't believe she talked about her grandma's secrets!

[@jkk5948]

I get triggered when people are constantly saying negative things, it gets tiresome. If someone came into my house and said I was messy that's just rude. Even if it wasn't a direct hit to me it's still rude. It's a way of putting people down. Why can't people just say nice positive things instead of always trying to tear everyone down around them. I prefer to just stay away from people with psychological issues so deep that I need to discern what they're saying or see how they're projecting. People need to bring politeness and the behavior of "do unto others as you want them to do to you" back into life. And get rid of this attitude of being entitled and just saying whatever falls out of their mouth. A little politeness and some Smiles could go a long long way.❤

[@bradxavier632]

Wow! Excellent information, give me more!

[@MissPomegranate_kaleidoscope]

People are just scared sometimes to be vulnerable because may be too many people took advantage of their openness or used that information against them. There are a lot of horrible people out there. May be they were hurt before that changes them and they dont take the responsibility or time to heal. So a whole lot of people are extremely defensive and we shouldnt take it personally i guess. All in all humans and human life has become so much dramatic .

[@Yusa_Beach]

Honestly having to do or try to see what those triggers are In a person without realizing that they most likely put those defenses up given what you said kind of makes it seem like you're trying to be manipulative.....

[@ravenblackbird3046]

I love your content so much because of how informative it is. thank you for making your content

[@barbaranaranjo7952]

wow this video is so important. I feel privileged listening to this information.

[@jellyjams7217]

I’ve heard a lot of pych but never heard Paranoia explained in that way. Very interesting

[@rroxanna]

Also... wow... just had an aha-moment. I was always drawn to people who would immediately be drawn to me. They would basically admire me a lot and say how I was so smart and beautiful and nice, etc. Then they'd immediately switch up on me. GOSH--I GET IT!! LOL

[@leapo9742]

She was for sure referencing the recent Channel 5 doco. Beast!

[@cheesySamar]

I am looking forward to this one

[@muff10000]

A lot of things can be twisted to something it isn't ;) ( that's something we can begin to see going through life when observant. take everything with a pinch of salt )

[@Scotty-Dont]

You explain so well. Thank you for this video

[@Sara-yz7nc]

I see a lot of these behaviours in my self. How can i start working on them? I feel like there is two people inside of me, one that does many of these things, such as black and white thinking of others, intense projection and generalising etc and the other sees all of these from the outside but just isnt as emotionally intense/powerful as the other one.

[@megamau923]

The background for this video is really pretty.

[@murtazaarif6507]

It is nice to discover your channel Dr. Ana. Can you also do a series of videos on Sigmund Freud's Psychodynamic approach just as you did for Carl Jung? I agree it is useful to be aware of other people's defence mechanisms. In my experiences in public places I find people that i do not know acting unreasonable towards me. They seem very interested and observant of me which comes across as very unnatural. It makes me wonder why they chose me instead of many others around in shops, parks or shopping malls. Having watched your video I am leaning towards 'reaction formation' defence mechanism of masking true feelings and impulses by replacing them with opposite ones. Chances are they know somebody that reminds them of me which they possibly do not like and mistreated. I sure wouldn't like to be there when they switch if they split. I also sense a deeper insecurity based on their appearance. I actually feel very offended and angry by their behaviour when I realize that i or somebody such as myself is embedded deep in their mind. It is as though they are using their insecurities against me when they do not even know who I am really. My own personality and experiences are not acknowledged by them but it's a more external thing. It feel quite prejudice on their part. Nice video. It has been kind of therapeutic for me. I am looking forward to catching up on your Carl Jung series.

[@Tosha407]

I love your channel and all that you’re doing here!❤️

[@adcaptandumvulgus4252]

Misanthropic absurdism, the ultimate defense mechanism in my not so humble opinion.

[@Zach-wr6fw]

Hi Dr. Ana, thanks for the video! Depth psychology is so fascinating, if you’re interested in learning more I’d recommend the Jung to Live By channel :)

[@mianagouveia6511]

You commented once that you think robert greene book are machiavellian. Could you explain why? I was very curious when you said that but you did not elaborate on the reasons why you thought that.

[@onigiricatto6326]

I have a presentation about Freud coming up tomorrow, this is perfect timing 😅

[@thejimfeudshow5392]

Very insightful Dr. Ana!!

[@bhavandeepmann5256]

Can you make a video on how to be confident and ask for what you want without feeling shy

[@greysky1786]

Thank you very much for this video!

[@hermit3933]

Loved the insight

[@IvanSpaziano-ko5cv]

It's easy to see what there's beneath, dirty desires of steal, dominate others, be dominated and have a lot of sex. It's not sad, is just the reality of our unconscious, in the end we're just animals. Knowing that really gives us peace, cause make us conscious of our inner nature.

[@MuffinHunter69]

So noticing someone projecting could also mean you’re in denial…

[@mpsoxygen]

Came here to project: You sound so smart and look so pretty I can hardly să cred că ești româncă! :))

[@shashi.dhankhar]

Amazing content, love your work. Thank you!😊

[@imrannazir6931]

Do you think that sometimes a person can read up and learn about a lot of psychological terms and that becomes their defence mechanism and wall to hide behind? I've met people who sometimes liberally call people a narcissist or some other term. I've been in situations when someone has thrown psyc terms at me and it felt aggressive. I like this sort of content but because of what I've just described sometimes I feel that this material can be used to dig yourself deeper into your own thought bubble where it's others who need to do something about themselves and not you. I think the concept I'm grasping for is a cheapening of knowledge and understanding which would normally be applied in a controlled setting and by a qualified practitioner.

[@cassielee1114]

Agreed. I hear people throwing around the word “gaslighting” in regular conversation and I’m like jeez, some people have actually been through some shitty shit, you have no idea what that word even entails..

[@phillylifer]

I love the music. Very style council.

[@dants135]

Imma let you finish is crazy 😂 KANYE

[@DanielFraser01]

?

[@philipholding]

When I first heard ' disproportionate reations' in Uni, my first thought was a quote from Shakespere. " The lady doth protest too much. Methinks".

[@philipholding]

Sublimation, perhaps?

[@sarahcollins7220]

Amazing video thanks Ana

[@Pinkwaterballoon]

What if you get defensive over EVERYTHING, even tho you are not guilty of it? I find myself questioning everything, i think ive been severely gaslighted and now i feel like i dont trust myself 😭😭😭😭 VIDEO ON "WHY YOU DONT TRUST YOURSELF" PLS

[@CYI3ERPUNK]

great stuff Dr Ana =] thank you for sharing

[@albajaninamrk]

Great video, thank you!

[@We_Run_Up_Hills]

All this sounds like my bpd friend!

[@meredithanthraxelrod]

I think that documentary was about San Francisco, not Seattle, but hey I think I saw it too!

[@TylorBlock]

Ana do you think there is ever two people who aren't "right for each other"? Or do you think that if both people try hard enough that they can work on a relationship regardless of it seeming like they aren't "right for each other"?

[@tombadil64]

Yeah. Me and my mom havent gotten along for over a decade. All the shit she does that pisses me off really is just the stuff i know deep down I do too, and have weaknesses in.

[@elim02]

11:09 that is 100% what I am taking away from this.