The self-help lie I've seen ruin people's lives

[@AnaPsychology]

Get a 7-day free trial and 40% off Blinkist Annual Premium by clicking bit.ly/PsychologyWithDrAnaAug24 or by scanning the QR code

[@Dan0rioN]

Where is the most likely place a guy could find a single girl like you & land a date? =p Library? Coffee shop?

[@swerremdjee2769]

Another nice vid. One thing that does bother me, what do you think that succes is?

[@aleidius192]

“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.” - WC Fields

[@AnaPsychology]

Your comments never miss 👏🏻

[@aleidius192]

@@AnaPsychology Thank you!

[@ClairesWears]

Always love seeing you here and elsewhere

[@sealwhiskers3515]

No way that's the actual full quote??!?

[@WhiteHonky-mv1eu]

Absolutely spot on!!

[@robertgrace6182]

It still fells like most of self help is telling someone who is quadriplegic to ‘just keep running and you’ll be fine’.

[@oliver7011]

I realized that working on myself has nothing to do with success and not having problems. It's to be at peace.

[@growing.flowers]

❤

[@noahraab2429]

You can never be at peace if you see yourself as a project

[@jarredsollestre5697]

tidy

[@NegativeAccelerate]

​@noahraab2429 You can. I get depressed if I don't think I'm improving. I know I'm not perfect, but I also know no one is perfect. So to be the best I can be, I want to work on myself.

[@noahraab2429]

@@NegativeAccelerate Sure, but it’s important to make the distinction between you as a being and your talents. It’s good for your mental to move in a direction, whatever that is but you might get hit by a car and be unable to play piano tomorrow. In that case it’s good to have faith in your worth and that you don’t have to justify being here by being the best at a particular thing. It’s something that eats away at many living in an accomplishment oriented society.

[@akirashiori6265]

I'm an accounting major and one of the things we're taught in managerial accounting is that sunk cost should never be considered when making a decision for the future. The sunk cost fallacy is strong, but even in finance we're taught to disregard the costs we already incurred and can't be changed, and to focus on the things the choices in the future will change

[@lintang790]

That's a good insight!

[@boxguytv]

Would you call this an adjustment / budgeting?

[@Muhluri]

so the lesson is to try hard but reflect on how much progress you're making. If the progress is too slow, then maybe it's time to switch

[@jarredsollestre5697]

what's at the end of progress

[@engleharddinglefester4285]

My bachelor's degree took me 17 years. The night school I graduated from has a 99% dropout rate, no lie. If something is the most important thing for you and you put blinders on, you can get it. You also need luck, and I get that. Is fate/luck with you? You won't know until the end of your life.

[@M_k-zi3tn]

But what's "too slow"?

[@HelenFire420]

@@M_k-zi3tnI think “too slow” means that you hedge your whole life on something that requires you to receive success quickly, but you just aren’t seeing progress or success that’s enough to sustain yourself.

[@capnbarky2682]

That's not really the lesson, it's ok to progress on something you progress slowly at if you're still enjoying it and being fulfilled by it. I.e. the Paralympic example.

[@Emptynogin1]

Most people don't have the luxury to not worry about external motivators. Can't pay rent with fulfillment.

[@MrRubyElf]

I'm not gonna lie: it's really hard not to be extrinsicly motivated when you're broke. 😮‍💨

[@terig8974]

It's also really hard to not be broke when you're not extrinsically motivated to some extent.

[@ZabaTheFrog]

Exactly. Class impacts mindset and reality of one's needs. ​@@terig8974

[@yuckykent1355]

use that as motivation

[@Prod-MellowDrama]

@@yuckykent1355that’s extrinsic motivation 🤦🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️

[@yuckykent1355]

@@Prod-MellowDrama damn i just realized that right now

[@MugiwaraMSH]

Imagine having friends who laugh at you behind your back instead of telling you the truth or offering criticism. And even if you suck, imagine friends laughing at you trying something or pursuing something you love. He might not make it, but he definitely won’t make it with friends who just laugh at him behind his back. My dude needs new friends.

[@Prod-MellowDrama]

It hurts to see as a musician. But it’s so common to clown on people who are bad musicians. They’re easy targets because they put themselves out there. But it’s really tragic that this dudes “friends” are ripping him to shreds behind closed doors.

[@MugiwaraMSH]

@@Prod-MellowDrama before I say anything….that Ruba beat you made is so good!! If I start rapping again I’ll hit you up. But my friends and I were trash. Absolute garbage when we first started. And we sucked for years. But it was a fun hobby. One of us took it serious though and he started making waves. Me and him were even doing marketing for Bangladesh studios and mac attkisson. But the dude blew up rapping with some big names. He stopped that to become a prowrestler again and made it to WWE/NJPW. The point to all that is yeah dude might be garbage now, but who’s to say he won’t blow up? Maybe all he needs is a little support from friends. Keep doing what you’re doing. Keep pushing hard. Keep improving every day. And most importantly have fun. You never know when shit can pop off for you. Trust in gods timing and work so hard you cannot be ignored.

[@rowdyriemer]

If success is having fun, you don't necessarily need to be very skilled at what you're doing so long as fun is your goal.

[@Plus1Like]

like when youtube wasn't money oriented, people had a lot of fun with it

[@CelynBrum]

Regarding "natural talent", something I've thought for years is that talent is often the enjoyment of and willingness to practise. Everyone wants to be able to paint the Mona Lisa, but not everyone finds joy in filling an entire sketchbook with studies of hands. If you're enjoying the process of practise, then it won't feel like a chore, and it will come easily. And there is nothing you can do to make yourself like the process if that isn't natural for you.

[@aymnno6734]

I love this outlook. People too often use "natural talent" as a way of putting people down for being good at something, discrediting the passion & work that went into getting there.

[@TheHiroClaw123]

mental health + growth mindset + evaluation + revision + self-management.

[@TheHiroClaw123]

but also, don't be an asshole, not to yourself nor to others. That's good enough. No need to be success machine

[@birdbeakbeardneck3617]

sigma grindset lol

[@Yatukih_001]

Succes is the end - result of doing the things that make you successful.

[@angelapalomer9935]

When your strengths and natural talents aren't things that you, your family, or society consider valuable, burning yourself to chase a goal that doesn't align with your strengths at all seems like a good path.

[@JaneDoe-ym7de]

A hobby can exist to make you happy and feel fulfilled. You do not need anyone’s approval or compensation for it. Learn to live outside of the image the outside world imposes on you otherwise you will forever be a prisoner to their demands.

[@karinturkington2455]

For me, singing has always come naturally. I've been singing since the age of three. However, I never received positive feedback from my family of origin, just from strangers who heard me sing.

[@sharonnicks4561]

Keep on singing 🎵 sing 🎤 because if you really love it, it will be part of who you are and it will be therapy for you, whether you are good or not!

[@em945]

Family of Origin are often not a good guage to use. Wishing you the best with singing using these principles, assuming you still wish to.

[@deadaimusic1889]

Have you never recorded yourself? That's the easiest way to compare your progress with yourself.

[@august8679]

Drawing has always been something I enjoyed, but until recently I was terrible at it. But I've been practicing for four years and it's actually pretty easy now. Same with singing, I used to be really bad at it but then my brother taught me how to sing and I'm now okay at singing.

[@jaybee2530]

I don't need self-help to ruin my life. No thank you. I'm perfectly capable of doing that myself.

[@smawrtygowty5269]

That’s funny.

[@FloydFreud]

Not only that, I can do it faster on my own!

[@navayti]

I have personal experience with this. I was studying to become a teacher but it just wasn't happening, I couldn't be confident because of my past with bullying and self hatred. Me stepping back and studying something else, actually helped me grow. I could take a break from teaching and build my confidence. It's now a few years later and i notice that my skills as a teacher never went away and actually really help me succeed. There is now actually a good change i'll take up teaching again. Allowing myself to give up helped me grow

[@Plus1Like]

It doesn't take talent to practice. I think we all need to hear that.

[@gerrits_machinations]

This reminds me of the best advice I was given in high school "Its better to go home content in your work to a loving family and great friends than to be a rich CEO who has everything society values but nothing they want"

[@lizvtaz6]

yeah mate, we are talking mental health issues here. find me a person suffering from cptsd that has "loving family and great friends". it is just SO NAIVE to claim that it's easy to create a loving family and always choose the right people when you had problems in your family of origin and you have no support system from the very beguinning.

[@ima.m.1658]

​@@lizvtaz6Friend, I hope you heal and find happiness. I had childhood trauma as well and I'm slowly becoming happier with more positive experiences. It's not easy but happiness is possible for all of us

[@rickskellig4652]

How is that advice lol, "It's better to have a dream job with loving family and friends than be a depressed loney CEO." 😅 If it was that easy everyone would just do that and nobody would be sad

[@JaneDoe-ym7de]

@@rickskellig4652Uh yeah, it’s not easy. You actually have to put long term effort into meaningful change. You want something eaay and something that’ll get rid of your problems without you having to ever really try. I defeat addiction and severe depression. I didn’t do it moping around. Someone I love told me how it is and for some reason, it was the start of a VERY HARD journey. Stop being so damn defeatist. Boo hoo! What’s the alternative? People give up after two weeks of something hard and throw it all in the bin. Grow a damn pair and take accountability for your life. Literally no one is going to help you if you refuse to help yourself. I repeat, *refuse to help yourself.*

[@chasegioffreda6856]

damn. that’s pretty deep yo’

[@Pyhantaakka]

Hmm, nothing has ever come naturally to me, except sitting on a sofa. I can't be the only one. With people like us you just have to pick the field of least suck.

[@OneLine122]

You can get really good at it too. 😁

[@nias3202]

Thank you, I mostly agree with you. Anyways, I believe that if something comes naturally and you enjoy doing it, even though you don't get positive feedback from outside, you should continue. Missing external positive feeback isn't always a sign of bad quality. There can be many factors: The place you live in, the time you live in, ressources, trends and common tastes of society. For example, Nick Drake or Charles Bukowski and many more weren't sucessful for a really long time, but luckily continued because it was their passion to be creative. Success can be sharing your work with friends and family or even with yourself (maybe as consolation).

[@beatrizvignoli4053]

That's true!

[@maboroshiiro]

This reminded me of the video I saw years ago from the youtuber Chubbyemu "You can't be what you want to be" or something like that. It highlights focusing on growing your strengths instead of spending a lot of effort on something you're bad at to only to become average/mediocre. It resonated with me a lot because I always thought so too. We all have our weaknesses and strengths, and imo the only truly successful way to become good at something you're bad at is a lot of passion and interest on top of hard work, hard work on these things alone isn't rewarding and I'd only suggest to put yourself in these positions if its a necessity.

[@philipoakley5498]

"Art of Being". Being 'yourself' is always a success ;-)

[@db2ez]

What should you do when you're not getting feedback or it's not genuine? Sometimes it feels like people either stay quiet or aren't honest because they're afraid of hurting feelings

[@deadaimusic1889]

If it's a performing art, record yourself. You should be able to notice a difference within a month of daily practice.

[@HeavenlyDivineTaro]

I believe what works for some doesn't work for everyone.

[@HelenFire420]

It’s a weird thing for me because I really never felt accomplishment from anything I’m good at. It’s almost emotionally draining doing the things that outsiders tell me I’m good at, to the point where eventually I just quit and people are taken so aback by it. I remember working as a swim instructor in high school and college, and I hated every minute being in that pool with the kids and adults, but my peers, clients, and bosses were always so happy with my ability as a teacher. I always got glowing reviews and a lot of praise. Yet the things that don’t come naturally to me and that I have to put a ton of effort into, gives me so much drive and satisfaction at even the little accomplishments.

[@merl2280]

I have had so many hobbies and interests but nothing that I can chase long-term. I always get burnt out when I actually get to some kind of level thats almost out of beginner. I am terrified that I won't be able to support myself in the future. I am currently doing a Literature degree but it feels like it won't be any use for me. I'm not even good at writing. I was just in my reading phase when I was trying to get into university. I feel stuck and hopeless. I don't know how to find a thing I actually LIKE and would be GOOD at without burning out.

[@KSaran7]

Hey same thing happened to me! Literature degree and all of that. I got my degree not really being sure of the possibilities that it could bring me and nowadays I'm working at an education related job. Maybe not the most related-to-my-degree job, but it gave me lots of knowledge I'm putting to good use right now. There's always an option B, C, D, etc. to this kind of uncertainties. Even if reaching a set goal is impossible, you never know when a new opportunity will present itself! ❤ hope you find what you're looking for soon!

[@InkMystique]

I’ve recently come across the idea that I should focus on my strengths and improve them, only addressing weaknesses if they significantly hinder my success. The goal is to manage weaknesses so they don’t become a handicap. However, my life experience has shown that environment and external rewards play a huge role, especially if you’re economically disadvantaged. Often, we stick to jobs that aren’t rewarding or where we aren’t optimally good because we need immediate income. There’s a lot of nuance here. Some fields are “winner-takes-all,” where a few make a lot of money while most make nothing, whereas in fields like tech, most people earn a decent living. Because I’ve focused so much on jobs that pay, I don’t know what I’m naturally good at anymore; I’ve just developed the skills that got me paid.

[@thk4711]

Number one: Do something you like doing you will automatically be better at that than if it is something you do not like. Know your limits. I know so many people who worked so hard to become a manager and when they were promoted they hated it and got burned out.

[@hawkeyescorner2559]

Ad ends at 8:02

[@suplannie]

What if someone has that ability, but lacks the temperament for that career? Like someone who likes tech and has the ability, but seriously struggles with the time management needed to actually work in those jobs. Or someone who has a lot of creative talent (like singing, music, etc.) finds it hard to interact with people, to the point where they have a hard time performing or promoting themselves.

[@BenLee-xj7zm]

Start own company, hire others to do work for you lol.

[@ApexierGS]

Wow this video some how just clicked, I was uncertain how to move forward but now after seeing this, I have confidence in my abilities and attentive my skillset. This video is a proverbial "go out for a walk to clear my head" action.

[@shaolinotter]

perhaps the 3 biggest factors in success are growth mindset, genetics, and generational wealth/network/zip code. modern culture is uncomfortable two of those things, so we just tell people that growth mindset can fix everything.

[@ZachQ-bx8hn]

It's very important to do things you're bad at, but in the interest of personal growth and not as the purpose of your life. I work in tech and took a singing class. The instructor pulled me aside to see if I was tone deaf. It was very stressful, but it helped me be less reserved and comfortable giving presentations.

[@dustinmiller2775]

"He who dares to fail miserably may achieve greatly.". ~John F. Kennedy

[@kateginger]

Ed Sheeran shared a video of him being a kid and being an awful singer. Now he's one of the most successful singers in the world. It really surprised me to see someone make so much progress.

[@dashiellsisson9263]

Seems like not much has changed…

[@Eltipoquevisteayer]

The biggest lie is that everyone can be saved or be happy, most of the time it's over before they even realized, many never even had a chance. They exist so everyone else can feel better about themselves.

[@enigmatowles]

Yeah…. I’m humbled but ashamed of myself after watching this. Maybe in a good way…. I don’t know. Who else feels the same?

[@chrismaxwell1624]

Talent is a myth. It's passion, things that you have passion for come easier to you because you enjoy. So if you love doing it you practice for joy of it when your brain is developing. So people who don't put that work in dismiss that as natural talent in others. Being tall doesn't mean you will be good a basket ball if you have no interest in basket ball. I'm tall never liked basket ball. So I never played it outside few week in Gym class. Chasing fame by doing something you don't like you will find it very hard to do.

[@SigMaQuint]

People in Paralympics have motoric talent. I thought I could do a major in analytics of congruens in my native language, but I ended up crying in the library instead. .. finally I let go of academics, and turned to what brought me to youtube., creating songs.. I could use what I had learned about poetry during my academic years as well as fellow music students who needed to practice as teachers. Experimenting is necessary, yes.

[@carolw3391]

As someone who thought she should have a chance in tech(I got engineering bachelor and undergrad degree from very good schools). I have been working for tech for four years now. I realize how happy I am to finally decide to give up on this realm and I think it's never too late to chase what feels right for you.

[@jananni123456789]

I can't help thinking as a therapist this person has completely missed the point about this rapper guy; obviously something is going on under the surface. Maybe he's just not confident getting a 9-5 job? Feels he can't get one or feels it will lead him to misery? So he believes in rapping as a career to an extreme extent. This guy will not be helped by judging and pointing out what he's doing wrong. I don't know him ... but why judge someone when you haven't even talked to them.

[@robertdeskoski9783]

Disagree. Trying something hard is character building and proves to yourself that you can do hard things when required. These can all be intrinsic desires. Additionally, you're teaching yourself resilence and that you can stick to your promises and dreams (while still being realistic regarding the outcome). The issues crop up when you're not realistic about your progress and not re-tasking based on what areas you're improving in. Plenty of people who were told they were not good at a particular skill when they were younger then go on to achieve success in that field/area. Hard work isn't easy. Nothing is, nor should it be. I'm learning to drum. I have horrible coordination. It's a hard slog but rewarding and I can say I've improved in decent length of time. And I'm proud of that.

[@SEThatered]

I am glad I found this channel. Occasionally it pulls me out of my tunnel-vision that limits my perception.

[@sportlams]

trying to improve yourself a little every day leads to big results over time. If you're unsure where to begin, I found unveiling your hidden potential by bruce thornwood super helpful

[@andersnielsen6044]

The first and most important part here - is to go with your heart. It all must be driven by passion and not just the need to succeed.. The experimental part of it is what I call the playing part - it has to be like playing for you when it is something you put in like 100 hours a week to... ;) Secondly as a little reminder: A wish without a plan is just a dream - or your future nightmare. ;)

[@Matoxina]

I have a real, real fucking problem with this video, but I cannot figure out what exactly it is or how to phrase it. The fact that you said "you enjoy what comes naturally to you" and elaborated on "you should try what you are best at if something doesn't work" it makes me boil

[@philipoakley5498]

Begs the question (of all of us) "and what are _you_ good at?"

[@dmitryostrovsky5763]

Great video. I had to learn that lesson the hard way as most people in life seem to tell you to keep on trying, just stick to it, don't give up, no matter how lousy you're at something. I took singing lessons and workshops for about 16 years before I finally realized that more lessons, workshop, and practice wasn't ever going to fix my horrible voice. Still, there's many people that think I shouldn't have given up. It's crazy. Thanks for great video

[@keyshaunj.1359]

This was a real video that needed to be made.

[@footofgod]

"Be like water" is much better as far as pop culture advice goes. What's funny is you'll see people that are into "never give up" grindset stuff post it, too. Even though it's completely opposite advice. I am afraid that there are a lot of people who just cannot read deeper than the "truthiness" of quips and cliches. And i don't know what to do about that.

[@krjames203]

This is all very astute. I’ve arrived at a lot of these same insights through hard life lessons - the jobs in my field drying up, burning out on hard work when more compatible pursuits are available. Now that I’m starting to change my approach and my direction, it’s extremely helpful to hear a clear, articulate, well-thought-out statement of just what it is I’ve been dealing with. Thanks.

[@rowdyriemer]

I mostly want to succeed at having a chill, minimally-stressful life. I'm not always successful, but I'm pretty good at it.

[@Anna-yl2lp]

It's funny you mentioned the definition of insanity cause that's exactly what came to mind when in the intro you talked about the notion that to just keep trying is enough

[@DJSurge951]

You just gotta believe in the heart of the cards

[@GreenRexker]

I really like the overall sentiment, but I don't agree when saying it's bad that this guy has "lost the respect of his peers"? Why should that be a primary goal? What if your parents had "lost respect for you" when you joined choir? Should you have stopped? Furthermore, if he's happy making music, even if he isn't particularly skilled or successful, is that a bad thing? Why is the subtle underlying assumption that we should only do things to impress others?

[@sanecatlady]

Interesting timing! I've been getting into drawing again and I've applied a lot of knowledge here in this video. I stopped drawing for a few years because I was frustrated and tired of not improving, and I was heavily judging my art. But now I'm picking it up again, and even though I've had moments of frustration, I find myself able to keep going. I did experiment; I watched different people's takes on a similar tutorial and I combined their advice to find a method that works well for me. I think a big thing that helped was that I'm more excited about trying to master the basics rather than being a perfectionist and focusing on the end result. I don't expect my art to be good at the moment; most of my drawings are probably going to look funky, and that's ok. That just means I can make it better. (And it's all the more satisfying when you finally do draw a piece that you're proud of ^^)

[@bernhard7087]

"you want the validation you never got growing up" the realization that I will never have that, regardless of how high I climb has been a big part of my let's call it 'rough' mental health journey these past two years

[@ArielLVT]

Just as a heads up... a lot of the tech layoffs affected non-technical roles in tech companies (i.e. office managers). Far fewer developers got laid off and those who did had no problem finding a new job. For anyone watching who aspires to code. Keep going. You're fine 👍

[@thormeow1972]

People laid off in non-technical roles have an easier time finding new jobs because they’re not tied to the tech industry. AI will result in the loss of many coding jobs so many people who used to code will have to retrain. Not saying to not learn to code, but it’s not the gold rush it once was.

[@ArielLVT]

​@@thormeow1972 It really won't. I use AI every day at work and it regularly spits out trash. If I didn't have 9 years of experience I wouldn't be able to re-write the few snippets of code that ARE usable. We don't have AI. It's a predictive language model. Autocorrect on steroids. There's no intelligence behind it. I'm not saying it won't happen some day, it just won't be any time soon.

[@CristalianaIvor]

@@thormeow1972 hahahahahahahahahahaahahahahaahahahahaah AI will NEVER replace coders. At least not the AI we currently have and will have the next decades. Current AI just regurgitates things that are already there. To have true innovation in IT you need creative people coding NEW things. Current AI will never be that.

[@scottjackson163]

@@CristalianaIvorI use AI everyday at work. I find that most people lack the imagination or boldness to experiment with “uncharted” applications of the technology.

[@CristalianaIvor]

@@scottjackson163 good for you, doesn't mean that it will replace me anytime soon tho

[@lucynaPe]

Hmmm… so if I’m not the best at something I should just quit? Even if it makes me happy, happier than doing what comes to me at ease? What if the things that come easy to me don’t make me feel fulfilled?

[@maboroshiiro]

I wouldn't say so! As long as passion exists its important, imo it becomes a pointless waste of energy if you lack passion and if its not as necessary. If it's something that brings you happiness and helps your mental health you should pursue it regardless if you're good or not ♡ (besides, no one is good from the start)

[@goma3088]

The only skill I've ever been complimented on that I never had to work hard at was singing. But while I liked singing as a kid, I had zero interest in doing anything with it. Because I never had to work for the compliments, I had a hard time trusting people's ability to judge my skill. Also, I had no interest in doing the work to actually become competatively good at it, to get good enough so people would pay me to do it.

[@Jaytran101]

This video reaffirms my reasons, and the love & passion I have for filmmaking. Thank you Ana 🥰

[@uadhlagash7280]

Success in what though, and why, would be my first question.

[@RushyJam]

Another video so soon? We eating good y'all!

[@AnaPsychology]

Twice a week for now!

[@EfraimNkengurutse]

03:00 well we need to hear yous sing now

[@AnaPsychology]

I’ve been considering this for this year’s Halloweek intro… stay tuned

[@Runningmaster2025]

Very refreshing to hear! There is too much self-help and online influencers promoting hustle and never give-up until you make it. This is very triggering to me because at times I feel I am never enough like I have re-attempt entrepreneurship even though i don't want but they state it's the only way to "succeed". The term "emotional manipulation" is used to describe this type of triggering type of marketing preying on your insecurities. It has to stop!!!! OMG. Self-love is very hard in this capitalist system we are in where society values money more than happiness.

[@manzanovieraluisrodrigo16]

5:05 "The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome, i think it was Albert Einstein that said that" Me getting that far cry 3 flashback lol

[@ЕленаКнязькова-р7л]

I not only love the ideas you're sharing, but also admire your language! It's like music to my ears:)

[@Vishfeast]

I agree with this, I was pretty lost when I was young and was coerced into construction from my family. After 10 years, yes I did go into it determined, but the whole time I felt unhappy and out of place. Especially since my quirky personality was clashing with typical construction personality types. After 10 years and just non stop of forcing myself in the industry and staying in it because I was advancing salary wise, was a big mistake. But atleast, I got over the hump and I'm re-finding myself.

[@MathewAGTales]

Im not naturally good at anything that would produce earnings short-term. Im so done with life atm

[@sonyawix5871]

Thank you for this! An invaluable piece, truly.

[@mustafabaris9681]

So basically it is all about doing the right things , NOT doing things right ... Thanks Ana ..! : )

[@SigMaQuint]

A fast runner, is something my body simply is not built for.

[@Chio-p4o]

I just realized I chose the wrong career 💀😭

[@techi747]

me too

[@rsmlinar1720]

Me too. I at least had interest amd enjoyed itwhen i went to study it but now i dont much enymore. Whatever the wages suck in this field enyway. But now i dont even know where my natural talents lie? I have some idea but it seems they are useless for practical life... What to do, what to do......

[@reinaldomartinez13]

Same, but it wasn't a waste of time, you just realized that this door isn't for you and you can always walk out, and choose a different door. This isn't cope, this is life

[@kristapedia]

Same 😩

[@cobracommander8133]

Switch careers. It’s not too late

[@kimgysen10]

For people who want to work in the tech sector, you have to realise that you are competing with people who either have been working with tech for a very long time, or who make it their life for way more than office hours alone. I wrote my first computer program before I was 10, it makes sense that it will be much harder for people who are new to the sector later in life to process massive volumes of information at once. If you have kids, I think opening them up to a lot of experiences to see what fits is a present for life. Also, they naturally pick up things much more quickly compared to adults. I gave up on learning how to play the piano after a year as young adult, even though I still feel I have some predisposition. But it took too much time at the cost of my programming ambitions, and moved forward on the path I was already on, which is still far more rewarding (emotionally, financially only by incident).

[@arurora5474]

I just want to say something tho: this whole "success" thing as described here sounds like extrensic motivaton. most of these things described are artistic persues and those are all self expression. you express yourself successfully regardless of the fact that other people like what you made. that is the point of art. which is why you stop enjoing the process when you start focusing on the fact that other people will judge your "product" and you by extent. "success" in art is that you made the art and you learned something to make the next one and you are excited to try this new idea. not if people like it. this video says "don't care about extrensic motivation" but it also says "try something else once you don't get it".

[@coopclauson]

Oh wow this is a good point, definitely something I've been thinking about. In the self-help sphere, it pushes you to think about how your own beliefs and behaviors drive your outcomes. This can be super useful, but also there's a risk of overlooking that your outcomes are also partially a function of other factors as well.

[@tayh.6235]

I've been good with numbers since I was in elementary school. I've also always enjoyed organizing, analyzing, and getting into the details until something all fits together (when I think about math, it's like numbers "snap together" and it's very satisfying). I ended up going into accounting, and I've done very well in my career. Do I love my job every day? No, but I do genuinely enjoy the type of work I do most days. And in my off hours I still have time to indulge other sides of my personality like doing fiber arts, reading, writing, studying philosophy, etc. If I tried to make one of my hobbies my main career I would be much less successful and it would probably ruin my enjoyment of the hobby too.

[@Chill-mm4pn]

Yep when I dabbled in rap a few years ago I realized it wasn't for me. It's entertaining but it just isn't my thing. I like playing guitar and singing. Goth Rock, Death Rock, etc,... For me it's the message and just being able to create something for myself.

[@kestrel09]

I agree with your summation of intrinsic over extrinsic focus. Nevertheless, the extrinsic quests may be filled with serendipity and discovering something you could love. It’s happened to me a fair bit.

[@apple1231230]

For many things hard work and intelligent persistence is enough to get very good at something. But for some things that will only ever get you to “college varsity” level. Like how you mentioned a short person playing basketball. No matter how hard they work, they will never be as good as lebron overall. People just need to accept that “college varsity” level for pretty much anything is very respectable and impressive to just about anyone. You can be very good without being the best. Ironically feats of athleticism are actually one of the areas where “luck” (genetics) matters the most whereas just about any other skill is completely based on one’s persistence. Think chefs , musicians, writers, artists, programmers, designers etc etc etc.

[@RandomVex]

I think the healthier alternative is to mediatate on what you truly love and do that. If you suck at it then break it down into base components and realise if you can do one or few of those components well enough to achieve your desired level For example: you love volleyball but you're small. You can do defense, which doesn't require height. But if you love spiking then you gotta break spiking down. Maybe you can't jump higher than blockers or spike really hard, but hitting balls preciscly where defense is not positioned might be your ticket to the top

[@daliakm178]

I knew someone who had no rhythm, no coordination, and no grace trying to learn to dance salsa. After a few years he was winning competitions. I was stunned. I had no idea someone could develop a sense of beat. He became the lead of our school dance organization and he became an amazing dancer. I’m glad I never told him he sucked. Thing is, he liked doing it, that’s why he got good. He liked doing it and he kept doing it. You’re wrong. If someone is enjoying the process, leave them alone. That’s enough to keep going. He will discover his own style, his own strength. If he’s dumb or unwilling to learn from those better than him, he might never get good. That’s possible. But if he’s likes it So Much, he will prove you wrong. Not everyone is talented like you. At anything. Some people have to build up from nothing. Thank Gawd he’s got SPIRIT to keep going despite everyone’s negativity.

[@intravena]

I studied music when I was 20. I got really high one day and realised I suck at it and quit on the spot. 20 years later a few of the people I studied with are still going strong, uploading to youtube, getting no views. I did real estate and retired a multi millionaire. I still suck at music.

[@manny2themaxxx333]

Did you like real estate? Did you have to drag yourself through it?

[@intravena]

@@manny2themaxxx333 Loved it. Became completely obsessed. I could write a couple of books on it.

[@RikuoTanaka]

Came across your video on my feed. And now I'm subscribing to you. Have been trying to improve my life, and hopefully your videos will become a part of it.

[@ionelaflorescu9828]

Great video,Thank you Ana !!

[@corporaterobotslave400]

I have the same struggle: naturally good writer, naturally terrible singer. But I enjoy both, probably singing more. I've recorded hundreds of original songs, had a #1 hit on Spotify, made it to radio in high school, but have written only 2 books.

[@theboredprogrammer1114]

I'm extrinsicly motivated to pursue my current career and somehow gotten better at it because it gets my family's bills paid. My hobbies like singing, it's like natural for me and I'm doing quite well. I usually sing with friends or at karaoke to have fun/remove my stress.

[@Aynshtaynn]

I get the point of this video and I better understood the right way of perseverance thanks to you. But I hate that it doesn't apply to me or anyone else in a position similar to mine. The stand-up show of all things perfectly summarizes it: _"Pursue your dreams, how you become homeless (which I'm about to be in a week, how ironic is that)… Everyone does what they hate for money, and use the money to do what they love."_ I don't want to do what I hate for money so I pursue things that I at least like, which eventually lead to today. Wish me luck.

[@schoolneverteach]

Somebody has to break the truth, and thank u for being unafraid of seeming discouraging!

[@undeniablySomeGuy]

I love Lil Dicky catching strays. That guy thinks he's a lyrical miracle but he's just some guy

[@R.GrantD]

It sounds like the biggest thing stopping your bad example of the self-help guy is his inability to judge what is good and what is bad. You know the saying that those who are least competent don't understand how bad they are, and then when they gain competence, they understand how bad they are, and then when they gain more competence they become better. He needs someone to be a mentor or trainer perhaps if he's going to become good at it I guess. Someone who he is going to believe and take in the lessons from, and develop his own sense of good judgment from.

[@frankmalenfant2828]

A fly can't will its way through glass, but it could notice that the window just next to it is open.

[@junxu4438]

Talent is the most important thing, it is like a multiplier, when talent is 5, your effort will return 5 times more, when talent is 0, all your effort will give you zero.

[@tally551]

So working on my art, going to arts and craft shows and fairs arent just for my benefit as well as my mental health. ☺️

[@randallmercer4995]

I really enjoyed this video, as it hit me very close to "home." Would be wonderful if you could do another of its kind, using real-life examples again, but perhaps upwards of an hour in length. I don't believe I'm alone in this thinking. In spite of my unfounded hesitancy to follow your content, I now find myself scrolling through your homepage, seeking more of your relevant-to-my-life videos. You're doing an amazing job - keep up the great work.

[@Unkuuu]

Thinking, Fast and Slow is one of my favorite books! I agree with the video. It’s the reason why I’m not so crazy about the idea that people should try and do STEM. If you aren’t naturally inclined towards math and science it’s not a good career or life path. I’m a scientist now and it fits perfectly with my personality and natural talents. I didn’t find graduate school difficult instead it was fun. The challenge came from discovering new things. Not from issues related to grasping the materials and concepts.

[@BenLee-xj7zm]

How do you keep up with reading? I would spend 5 hours straight reading and managed to get through half a chapter when I had to read ten in a week. 😭 Postsecondary was a nightmare for me. I don't know how people breeze through it so easily.

[@loganlabbe9767]

Im a huge proponent of self help books, but I think their function is they dump tools into your subconscious that it works with behind the scenes naturally. I recommend absorbing a lot of them that are highly regarded."What you will learn" is a channel that makes them into 45 min podcast summaries. The ones that really grab you you can invest in to buy and read, otherwise you gey like 75% in one quick session

[@teasmas101]

I'm not a part of the self help community, I've never gotten a self help video before lol. But if i know one thing, it's that you are totally wrong about "talent" everyone can learn anything no matter how innate your ability for it is however let's take a sound cloud rapper as an example that don't sing well and don't know how to produce good music. If they continue "persevering" and releasing music after music that flops but they are passionate about it, they need to realise they aren't at the level yet to make music that will hit of. After that realisation you can go to a vocal coach for a year or two to learn how to sing and practice your music priduction skills until you reach a point where even if it is hard to manage and break through in the industry, you will be able to make music that people around you at least will think is good. So i agree you need to back down in a sense as take a step back and see "how can i improve in this area i love or am passionate about" but you should never have to stick to what you are "inate good at" if that's not what you want to do in life. Nothing against those who are good at stuff but you can become better att whatever you set your mind too.

[@BenLee-xj7zm]

Yeah that's a more nuanced approached

[@Paeddyful]

Thank you for this very insightful analysis, but I feel like I have to mention that Lil' Dicky isn't the best example for the kind of parody rapper you are describing. His technical skills are actually insane. He doesn't really do much of the flashy, woah-there stuff like double time rapping, but his sense for how to flow the lyrics over a beat, how to accentuate certain passages and generally how to tell a story lyrically is on par with other master of the genre.

[@joritsegalee]

Wow this is the best self help advice

[@isaacmcginn7923]

Singing and basketball or other sports are like apples to oranges in terms of their genetic determination vs pure effort resulting in success.