When you don't prioritize self-respect in relationships

[@ShadowCatDreams]

I think this becomes really hard when the people we are trying to communicate with become disrespectful, escalated etc. It's uncomfortable but learning to stand our boundaries firm with time will feel natural.

[@sheabryantmusic]

Disagreeing with your Parents especially, it just creates chaos.

[@mirabela1344]

True

[@AnaPsychology]

Oh for sure, which is why I think it can be helpful to go into this fully expecting that the other person might not react well. But it can still feel refreshing every now and then!

[@michaelcueva530]

This is so me. Not even with a partner but with my own family sometimes. Never again.

[@myrtila]

Some people take it as a personal attack and they become really angry. I remember I once disagreed with my mother on a pretty serious topic (I didn't make it personal) and she, out of nowhere, started accusing me of attacking her. You have to be really careful with how you word your response

[@vicku1202]

this was really interesting! i’ve struggled all my life with people pleasing and in the past months the one who used to be my boyfriend encouraged me to speak my mind more often. i struggled a lot telling him what i wanted or didn’t want and that gave us problems. the thing is once i started to do that, it turned out just as you said - i have no experience speaking my mind, so according to him i was “being cold” and “not considering his feelings”. i want to continue improving at self respect and speaking my mind while also considering the other person’s feelings, which was my whole intention when i tended to people please. i think finding a balance isn’t as easy as it sounds.

[@kaneSbreh]

I think you should always state that you come from a place of love and mean well if youre being called cold or that you dont consider other peoples feelings. At the end of the day youre trying to be better for yourself and your SO. Reassuring while also delivering your point has worked a lot for me.

[@SKBottom]

I've always thought honesty, even brutal honesty, was best. As I've gotten older, I have more appreciation for using kindness, while still getting your point across. It's not always easy. In fact, it can be something of an art. Words that hurt, even unintentionally, can cause such lasting damage.

[@Jukettaja]

The older I get the more I've grown to value the way I feel about myself after a social interaction. I think back on the stuff I used to put up with, especially at a young age, and how I picture myself standing up in those moments rather than shrinking away from conflict. Reminds me of The Butterfly Effect where you could go back to a moment in your past with the knowledge and experience you had accumulated throughout your life up to that point and relive those moments differently.

[@anshulkandpal2384]

This is so important. No amount of 'oh they care about you so much, or they do this and that for you' is going to compensate for that basic sense of how do I feel after interacting with someone. I have learnt with age to let go of people who, after having interacted with, make me feel drained, irritated or angry.

[@milkbread5036]

I really needed this, as a people pleaser, peacekeeper, and mood maker of the family/friends -- i lack self-respect and worry more about the emotions of others than my own.

[@jasonfanclub4267]

Same 😢

[@buburuxyma]

With my boyfriend I usually go for self respect and preserving the relationship at the same time. So I say what I want to say in a respectful manner. My boyfriend on the other hand only chooses the self-respect option with absolutely everyone who is close to him including me, as he feels he can "be more honest and be himself" with us. Meanwhile, when expressing his opinion to a total stranger he chooses words carefully, questions why that person might have a certain opinion and is in general just more cautious of the way he talks. I really don't get this behaviour. We've been together for more than 5 years and I've tried explaining to him how him being like "you're stupid for having that opinion" and THEN explaining your point of view is just useless as I'm completely ignoring your point after you just called me stupid. Also, he can't wrap his mind around the fact that using the right words can get your point across more effectively, he just thinks that if he has to do that he's censoring his thoughts and that's not right.

[@ima.m.1658]

That's unfortunate. Seems like he needs to value empathy more. Does he not care how his words affect someone?

[@kristapedia]

Everything grows through friction, including & especially relationships. If you've spoken up to be more "yourself" and a rupture happens, you can improve & strengthen this relationship by attempting to heal it back.

[@k8tiewarrior539]

I really like this video. It’s important to be respectful and thoughtful when you are experiencing your dislike or disagreement. Healthy people are more likely to accept respectful disagreement. I enjoy your content because I have gained a lot of insights from them. Thank you, Ana 🙏🏾

[@stayhappylittlemermaid]

💫Inner peace doesn't come from getting what we want, but from remembering who we are.💫

[@yukinotdoit]

every little moment your husband appears in the video is an incremental step for this channel to become a couple vlog channel and i'm here for it x)

[@TheOpy83]

Ana, ma bucur mult ca a crescut atât de mult canalul tau! Imi aduc aminte cand aveau putin peate 10 000 de abonati. E reconfortant sa vezi ca un profesionist adevărat in domeniul psihologiei este apreciat de public. Conținutul pe care il crezi chiar e pretios, important pentru oameni si foarte util. Iti urez sa te bucuri de munca ta in continuare si sa ne impartasesti in continuare tehnica de a functiona cat mai bine și mai armonios in lume.

[@adsadsaddFQ]

Do you really want to be around people with whom you can't be honest? I don't.

[@me4011]

Well sometimes these people are close to you like a sister and yes want to be around them long term although they have some nasty flaws

[@mesCheerios]

Interesting to think likeee if you can't have self respect without rupturing a relationship then the relationship can never deepen. I have never had trouble with number 3 self respect because i have very strong values and self respect in this case feels more like i have to do the right thing as a person in this world. Definitely failed at keeping the peace on numerous occasions though, communicating tactfully has never come naturally to me. Ive never understood why people can't speak our minds i guess so lacking empathy there. But ive learned to hold back, basically for my mental health, and understanding that certain relationships will always be surface level because some ppl can't accept i have a pov or just are not my ppl i guess

[@paenu]

wdum

[@kyledevane8782]

Many people try to retain dominance in the relationship by discounting your reproach, then quickly moving on.

[@richardw3347]

I find it can be important to pick your battles sometimes with what or when to say and/or confront things. However, if you feel it needs to be said you can still be firm and compassionate with your approach. I find many people don't like to be challenged or get push back, usually out of insecurity or ego. Personally, I don't mind being corrected if its done right as I want to get better and have no problems with the truth even if its hard. I wish more people were more open.

[@j0nrages851]

I really appreciate you speaking on this. I've struggled from time to time for being too 'honest' or not having enough self-respect and so has my spouse

[@Swift016]

Counterpoint: How is it not more self-respectful to give absolutely zero energy to people with bad opinions? Time spent arguing with abusive people is time wasted.

[@tea2164]

This is giving me a lot of clarity at the moment as I evaluate the arguments I have with my partner. Thank you for this video ❤

[@leamubiu]

I wouldn’t say I’m a peace keeper, I’m very able to step on toes and ruffle feathers, and simply state my difference of opinion when it is warranted, but oftentimes I simply feel like saving my breath. Already quite enough nonsense on my plate, so if I sense that the person/people in front of me just has a chip on their shoulder and are not really open to feedback, I won’t even bother. The only thing I need to watch out for is that my playfulness doesn’t turn into sarcasm, when I’ve spent a long time in “Je ne dis rien mais je n’en pense pas moins” mode (translatable as “I’m holding my tongue, although I’m having my thoughts”)….

[@雨緑-q4t]

Could you, please, do a video or videos where you recommend books?

[@katyaangellove]

I've been reading the book "Not Nice" by Aziz Gazipura today, this video is perfect timing ❤

[@AnaPsychology]

Ooh I’ll have to check it out

[@natalienino5422]

How do you learn to give yourself that self-respect or even self compassion? I'm currently on a journey to do this more towards myself starting with going to therapy.

[@AnaPsychology]

I have a few videos on self compassion on my channel, and I’d recommend the book Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff

[@exquizeete]

Omg! I was just watching a video on expressing anger & seeing anger as a conversation with your inner child to start setting boundaries and making promises to yourself for self-protection. The other YTer also mentioned radical honesty (what she took from the book & what she didn't).

[@AnaPsychology]

Omg who was the KZbinr?

[@exquizeete]

@@AnaPsychologyHeidi Priebe (how to express anger clearly)!

[@dumbgirl8]

Love this. I think it just takes a minute to be mindful about our words and our tone, but I definitely think we can maintain self-respect and be honest while preserving a relationship. Especially if the other person is also committed to the same thing.

[@ashley_brown6106]

Μy problem is, my feelings of love, attraction, attachment, sadness etc are too strong for me to handle, and self respect takes the highway

[@EmperorShang]

ONLY A SITH DEALS IN ABSOLUTES 👺

[@kyledevane8782]

You're really good at this!

[@joey_youtube]

You give me cute aggression

[@dr.detroit2877]

Ain't that the truth, you are an amazing girl.

[@hamilton_podcast]

Why are you always so SAD and WORRIED?? If you are always so SAD, how can you tell us about the way to Happiness??

[@Melian07]

Hello, I can't find the mbti video anymore, what happened? I found it good as an explanation of why the typology isn't valid and wanted to refer other people to it but I can't find it anymore.

[@chrltrichardsily]

Thank you, Ana, for putting out these videos for everyone to have access to such an important part of your knowledge. Your videos have helped me a lot as a person who wants to become a psychologist ❤

[@_aiborie]

Feels futile when I try to correct people saying or believing misinformation. Like as you've experienced, it's not taken well most of the time. I've stopped making an effort with stubborn people, with some being family. I need to reflect on this, thank you Ana.

[@wurtles3852]

Hi Ana, would you consider making a 'what I've been reading' video? Would love to hear some book recommendations

[@sofiariera6690]

that just happened to me, needed so much

[@alexsvoboda4994]

Really great - thanks Ana! Helpful framework to understand what your trying to get from relationships. And that acting with self respect and boundaries can disrupt social cohesion.

[@woolgloves]

you're right... : (

[@ac4694]

I love the fun part at the beggining. Already made my mood better

[@thejillykilly]

How to be honest and kind?

[@infpaola9436]

Could you please do a video about cat people vs dog people personalities lol, i just think it would be fun

[@yaammee]

I’m excited to prioritize my self respect in all of my relationships, just have to be mindful of my people pleasing side

[@katem5520]

I'm someone that prioritizes honesty in my relationships, but I also always try to preserve the relationship and keep my self respect all at the same time. With your given example, it would depend on Uncle Gerald's reaction and openness. If I knew for a fact that what he's saying is untrue, I'd question him and suggest the truth thus sharing my actual thoughts . But if he were to be unwilling to listen, I'd stop. Honesty doesn't make a lot of sense, if it isn't reciprocated or accepted imo. I can still be authentic and have self respect and still let him believe whatever he wants to believe. I've already shared my true thoughts and what I perceive as the truth and I don't have to be rude or persistent. As you've mentioned, one doesn't have to take people's reactions personally and it is possible and even necessary to regulate emotions and get the point across without being hurtful, no matter the goal. There's no misery nor ego in that and yet an effective way of being honest and kind to yourself as well as others :)

[@roseshayer4608]

Video request: How to mind your own business. At work and with family/friends.

[@PragmaticEmpath]

What do you think of the book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F@!#? By Mark Manson

[@Calbizzle]

Great info. Thanks. Made me think more about where I should apply this in my life.

[@Lynn-uh4ul]

To be honest, I like the topic but would have liked more specificity and more reasons to why it is so important

[@nagarjuna0]

thank you so much for this video! I've noticed that I've started to resent a friend of mine a little bit because of my lack of boundaries. I hope I can set some up, especially because we will be on vacation in a few days lol

[@wilfredfegelein8215]

Thanks for the video. Also I like your dress! It looks flattering on you

[@ryuzzakibsb]

Please drop your skincare routine?

[@harirao7929]

The intro was so cute! Cannoli on the track haha

[@sartajhabib3990]

You are doing God’s work

[@mrbunnylovespancake1]

Cannoli spitting bars

[@growing.flowers]

3:27 yaas 3:35 ❤

[@gabriellebarnard707]

Kitty! 💕🐱💕

[@tianna93]

Maoooo

[@macratak]

meow

[@Ehtele32]

First

[@Socsob]

I feel that I do this in my close connections. For me honesty is important. The recent thing I've been working is being more honest with myself. After initially censoring negative self talk, I felt a lot better, but I'm at a point where I am trying to address why I feel ways and found it is better to address my anxious thoughts rather than push them away.

[@myrtila]

This reminds me of ACT

[@teresasimkins5518]

Meow! Help me, I'm having a cute attack

[@Esmeeeeeedbjd]

I’m so sorry, but I have to ask. What shampoo do you use? Your hair is gorgeous.