Anger & Good Boundaries

Your healthy anger should arise when your sense of self and your idea of how things should be (your boundaries) are challenged or broken. What you do next, and how you re-set your boundaries, determines the outcome for you and for your relationships. Healthy anger can change your life! See this post on anger: karlamclaren.co...

[@optimistictaf]

I think this should be required viewing for everyone. :)

[@heatheryoung3808]

I have serious pushover tendencies but this is a nice example of how it doesn't need to be that way

[@JeffBowyer]

Hi Karla, thanks for the amazing work. Do you have any comments on anger when you are mistreated, particularly by someone in a more powerful position? I find I hold onto anger where people that have mistreated me or treated me unjustly and there is little I can actually do about it.

[@EmotionDynamics]

Hello Jeff. Good question. When there are power differentials, your anger may not be welcome, and open displays may make things worse, so it could be that silencing is a good idea in the situation! However, not speaking up feels pretty bad. There's a good book by Sharon Ellison called Taking the War Out of Our Words that approaches the situation of power differentials in a very interesting new way. Sharon has a lot of audio clips at her site so that you can hear what her approach is. Let's hope this link works in a comments field: www.pndc.com/learning-room/audio-stories.php

[@kfing1]

This is frickin amazing stuff, thanks.

[@sahej6939]

Such an important point...does the other person even care about you / the relationship? I need to really look into the restorative piece, that is what is coming up for me...facing my shamers, attackers, people that talk sh*t behind your back. Thank you!

[@margochanning2190]

Thank you!

[@EmotionDynamics]

You're welcome!

[@creator2149]

Oh, thank you! sigh of relief to hear this. It hits home to me and I have to admit, I need practice with this approach of using anger properly .Especially about doing a bad service to others to not teach them how to be more responsible by being vulnerable about your anger. It IS strength.

[@m.kbradley8063]

Love you, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom Karla McLaren, it's helped me a lot.

[@EmotionDynamics]

Glad it was helpful!

[@radicalaccounting]

You didn't introduce joking. such as, "Good try, asking me to stay late so you can go out tonight". I think humor is the best way if one has the presence to do that.

[@EmotionDynamics]

Hello radicalaccounting. Humor may be a good approach with certain people, but it doesn't display the true vulnerability that healthy anger requires. If it's sarcasm, then it's more of a slap than an invitation to vulnerability and understanding. If I know people well and they know that they're walking a thin line, then I'll use gentle humor. But humor is difficult for many people to understand, and they may receive a mixed message. Of course, it is totally context-dependent, and unique to each situation.

[@madelinebailey1037]

Good answer!

[@nicolaapps6889]

I just LOVE your work Karla ... I bought copies of your book for me and my children xxx Thank you

[@michaelmcintyre490]

and Thank you Karla, Thank you very much :) Peace ...

[@missbix5345]

'this is at the crux of so many issues..Thank you for this guidance!

[@MichelleMarlahanItsAllYoga]

I love how the sadness comes in... so helpful to see.

[@lauranathalie3374]

Thank you a lot for your video and your book also ! It is very clear ! It really helps me as a coach to deepen my understanding (actually i am french and it is quite hard to find authors who go into this level of details)!

[@EmotionDynamics]

You're very welcome!

[@karola5]

Wentworth "sent" me here. Thank you.

[@omsweetomspiritualpermacul4491]

I love you Karla ... thank you xxx

[@RISDesign]

I think your last point was very important. If the person shows care for your needs, that says a lot about keeping that person in your life.

[@EmotionDynamics]

Yes! Caring people are keepers!

[@midnightcat6116]

You deserve more subscribers! This is hands down, the BEST channel I’ve come across on empathy.

[@EmotionDynamics]

Wow, thank you!

[@dracydewar4186]

Wow you are brilliant xx Thank you 🎉

[@EmotionDynamics]

Thank you! 😊