Anxiety & Me: I Blame My Parents

[@Jojo-pq4ve]

This woman is way more open minded than most African mothers

[@Mamobo96]

Maria Carterx that’s what I’m thinking

[@skreetzofldn8965]

Very true

[@lorrainehadebe4652]

Yep.

[@annaman206]

She actually has a very supportive mum and you can tell she loves her and wants to help but don't know how.

[@Amal302]

Right? Damnnnn lol.

[@milaniinalim3357]

According to most African parents anxiety and depression are just pure ‘stupidity & laziness’ *smh*

[@bibtebo]

As a white westener, sometimes I wonder if they are kind of right

[@mrk3815]

Com Lag have u been through it?

[@bibtebo]

@@mrk3815 OBVIOUSLY not. I didn't mean to be insensitive. I just have observed that in much of Africa, people seem to be happier because they live a simple life which revolves around family and hard work which we have lost a little in the West. Anyway, I am sort of just playing devils advocate here, i see why its an issue, espescially for the children of African immigrants who are culturally western. All the best. Edit: I struggle daily with anxiety and depression. I misunderstood "have you been through it" as meaning belittlement from an african parent. All i mean is that i think depression is not a thing in Africa because life is more simple. Not that depressed people are just lazy.

[@mrk3815]

Com Lag oh ok I understand, you’re definitely right on people from third world countries being happier, I heard money only makes people happy if it makes them richer than their peers

[@zixzizia1066]

For some it’s true.

[@tiffanyl.5798]

I think broken people raise broken children unintentionally. I think people do their best with the tools they are given at the time.

[@DirtyEdon]

Most africans are not raised in "broken home"

[@tiffanyl.5798]

@@DirtyEdon I'm speaking of people in general.

[@DirtyEdon]

@@tiffanyl.5798 how is that relevant to this video?

[@tiffanyl.5798]

@@DirtyEdon calm down

[@naletsanaele]

@@DirtyEdon its relevant cos Africans are part of the people he is referring to.The Op is simply saying its a humanity problem not a race one and I agree.Its attachment trauma and its only new as a diagnostic tool.peace

[@chibaby0306]

african parents are known to sweep things under the rug and never address the elephant in the room. Rather they would pray it away or simply not listen. They hear what you say but dont listen, it is just our culture. But the thing i s our african parents have been through soooo much and its hard to expresss those things. The tip I would give to dami, is to be open. Nothing grows in a dark place

[@chibaby0306]

@@t.tthegreat6319 so true. I specified African bc they aswell as I are African

[@naletsanaele]

I think its cause they grew up in a different world so to speak or shall I say different times but they don't bother to catch up with what's happening in the current world. They don't mean to hurt their kids but unfortunately parenting is not one size fits all .Most African parents teach their kids discipline, focus, strong work ethic, ambition,respect,empathy, family orientated values and always encourage education and securing a prosperous future. That's the good part of how they were brought up but I think what's needed is just fitting that model into modern international society. It's not all bad.

[@bibtebo]

Bit racist impliyng africans keep elephants in their rooms...

[@mishmash3968]

taugadi you just described parents of all ethnicities. It is a race thing. It is called being a parent and being raised in a different generation, different situations, different rules and teachings as their kids.

[@mishmash3968]

Rose sweetie, it sounds like you are just a normal young person finding their way. We all have been there. Doing one thing while wanting to do something different, not knowing what the hell we want to do as we get a little older. Nothing about what you described feeling is abnormal. Once you get through college, and it sounds you are highly intelligent and are damn near done, you can go anywhere and do anything you’d like. Sometimes family makes that difficult while getting to that point, but once you get away from there and get to have amazing experiences of your own, it all changes and you see a big world of lots of cool shit. One thing you do need to do though is go talk to a professional who has an outside perspective (outside the family) to give ya a little help on this journey we all are on. Certainly can’t hurt anyone just to go talk to someone and God knows we all need it! Lol

[@leslier302]

Mom was very articulate. Lucky girl to have such a caring and receptive mom.

[@tiffanih8465]

That's what I was thinking...lucky to have a parent who is so loving and attentive. If you don't want to hear your mom, be independent/get out on your own!

[@bamz9067]

I totally agree I wish I had a mum like her . I could see the how the daughter could be frustrated by her kind of down playing anxiety with the air quotes but I think it's just something needs to be communicated to her .buy what an amazing lady you can see she would do anything for her

[@softiebbybunny2317]

@Vicky Kgoete How was that racist?

[@leslier302]

@Vicky Kgoete My comment was speaking to own experience. My interaction with my mother regarding my anxiety was never like this. Please avoid making assumptions.

[@lucybee3361]

She doesn't realise how good her mum is. Mum is trying to communicate with her.

[@fungirl0123456]

The mum isn’t perfect by far but I really feel like she tried.

[@mayjeylca]

The daughter is one of those horrible depressed folk.

[@mayjeylca]

Which are hard to be around

[@IanMahetiMbano]

I felt a little bit like the therapist or interviewer was slightly condescending towards the mother. Not perfect but can do with firm guidance from a place of love.

[@black76561]

Seriously, this is spot on perspective... it’s the same in afro carribean families too

[@arawakalina971]

Yes it is.

[@jetta.silence6356]

sooo true!!!

[@isisagood]

As well in African American families

[@MJBABYPHAT]

I was waiting for the caribbean parents reference comment lol but Its so true!!

[@mayaburrowes3064]

MJBABYPHAT I was waiting aswell, it most black people tbh and we need to unnormalise it

[@tanyabartley9854]

The idea that her African mum entertained this is a new beginning!!!

[@kadijaallagouma]

From seeing this seems like the daughter's one with the communication issue, in the market her mom gave her so many opportunities to express the way she felt and she shut it down so quickly

[@_Myriad_]

Its also a time and place issue. I know i wouldnt want to have a big emotional conversation in the middle of a crowded market, they would probably rather have it at home in private where they could both process what the other says without causing a scene?

[@user-kl1on3nw7y]

That's so true !

[@mimitf1348]

She hit the nail on the head when she said she’s tried talking to mom but mom doesn’t respond the way she needs her to. For people with anxiety, it’s a trigger and they shut down.

[@ArinolaAraba5]

hmmm?

[@eccentricvibe101]

She pushes her mom away and then complains about her not listening.

[@pham4796]

That's what she's been thaught

[@naletsanaele]

@@pham4796 who taught her that?and who taught whoever taught her teacher that?

[@appiahallan]

She pushes her away because she don’t listen 👂

[@PeteS_1994]

Probably an attachment issue. She has probably learnt that from life experience.

[@missymops7994]

I agree. Her mum said “ what can I do to help” and she said “ you can’t help”... so what can her mum do? If she doesn’t know what she wants from her mum then that’s not her mums fault. Her mum can’t read her mind. Her mum is clearly trying...

[@MinbadTheFourth]

Parents barely ever realize the importance of the impact they can have on their children’s lives.

[@BassHeadD92]

Maxwell M the only guarantee in parenthood, is mental scarring

[@Flourish_today]

That's why we should keep that in mind and not pass it on to our children.

[@Sashyalove]

Exactly, there's many things my mom and dad have said to me that stayed and continue to stay with me... Especially the negatives...

[@moscokidd3813]

Because the majority, regardless of age are still psychologically children themselves... smh

[@teniseuna]

There are a million people who would love their mother to be this understanding! I pray she appreciates her mother ASAP..

[@inthecalabash2759]

She's so lucky to have a mother like this. She's very open to learning and listening.x

[@Tibialstone7]

Her mum is awesome, absolute legend, but I can see how it's also negative for someone with anxiety. The constant bright attitude and jovial outlook can be difficult to want to open up to for talking about mental health etc.

[@moscokidd3813]

True, for someone with anxiety it can hinder what could be considered honest communication

[@mwaves4152]

I relate to an extent with this African culture where sometimes they don’t really understand about mental health well..... they just brush it off like it’s a flu

[@naletsanaele]

Unfortunately it's in other races as well.A client who had bipolar was being accused of taking the piss by her family until someone went around to have a word with them.This wasn't an African family. I think its different generations,different upbringing and bringing up kids as an immigrant in this case as well.

[@justinabenson7229]

My parents thinks mental health issues are demonic🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦 I battled with it for over 2 years and all I ever got was get yelled at for being moody nobody ever cared to know if I had another life beside academics, church or being a good daughter. Always been told what to do and what not to do like I'm some robots nobody cares if I also have emotions if my own.

[@mwaves4152]

@@justinabenson7229 Ohhh shit that's deep i hope things improve for you

[@justinabenson7229]

@@mwaves4152 thanks

[@moscokidd3813]

True and hence the MANY mental health problems in the black/African community... we've been trained to shut it down

[@rolandadwyer399]

I dont think the daughter knows what kind of a gem she has in her mother. That woman is gold. Her approach, comprehension and efforts alone are worthy of praise. And I commend the daughter for taking a stab at being vulnerable, letting her mom in and recognizing her mothers efforts as well as her accomplishments throughout. This mother daughter duo are in it to win it👊🏾

[@aliceghans5659]

She does not know how blessed she is to have a mom that's willing to listen and change... If I couldve had a mom who listened, hugged me and assured me that she's there.. I would be so happy😞

[@itsurgirlbintu]

Alice Ghans same sis 🤥🙄😪

[@maggieedward3951]

Alice Ghans 😭my children smh

[@ArinolaAraba5]

You are so kind Alice :)

[@essjai5D]

The issue is that before she was born, her mum had already decided how she was going to love her child based on her own negative experiences. Her mum isn't being flexible in her approach or taking into consideration her daughters personality or her own love language. That's why her mum feels rejected when she requests space.

[@naletsanaele]

Her mom is not that inflexible though cos she's in this program with her.Even her demeanour doesn't suggest that she is deeply inconsiderate of her child's feelings.

[@9darshana]

Exactly, you hit the nail right on the head. I'm going through a similar situation with my boyfriend. When I try to express to him my issues with anxiety he thinks a hug and expressing his love for me is the answer. Then that's followed up with his usual, well you're beautiful and all these other unhelpful comments. Then when I want space he doesn't understand. I love him but he just doesn't get it and trying to talk about it with him just doesn't work.

[@RachelleA73]

Wow, I wish my mom was this understanding. Arinola is a nigerian mom that comes a dime a dozen. Most just yell and bulldoze over you with their opinions and "culture".

[@naletsanaele]

😄😄...a few church aunties come to mind!

[@hannahm.8278]

I am an African Australian so this is relatable , and I watched half of this and I couldn’t anymore because I could feel the pain in the mothers interaction . Our parents will only give us what they have, and we build on that. African parents have struggled , they have come into a new environment with children and still have goals of their own, to make matters word most African parents grew up with their own parents who were emotionally distant. Asking them to be more than what thy are is asking an empty can to produce water. But we are the generation to recognise the toxicity and make the changes we need with our children , after all we are not in struggle mode like our parents who left Africa with not much. They may see our struggles as not big because they have gone through hell fire. I can certainly relate to the daughters pain on a very personal level as everything that happened to her , just about happened/ happens to me. But I got a job at 19 , I moved out of the house and I am deciding what I need for myself , my parents choices hold nothing over me. I got counselling for myself and I broke the chains of toxic thinking. At 26 I am very excited to have my own little family that I can grow into well adjusted adults.

[@smileychama8426]

perfect

[@tiahnagrace6325]

Hannah Matanda I'm in the process of saving up, and hope to move out within the next two to three years. I am grateful to all that my parents have done for me up until now, but I've accepted that my parents won't change, so the best course of action is to move out, so I can get on with my life. Thank you for sharing your experience.

[@naletsanaele]

What concerns me is the generalisation and stereotype by the people blaming their parents. Not all African parents are emotionally distant. My mom wasn't and a lot of my aunties are not. I'm from a mixed race family. It's so sad how these young adults see no positive in their African heritage.

[@hannahm.8278]

taugadi yeeaaaa, I think sometimes it’s the immaturity of not wanting to own our dysfunction and pin in on someone.

[@tiahnagrace6325]

@@hannahm.8278 I completely agree. People tend to blame others instead of taking ownership of their problems. There are going to be times when problems are someone else's fault, but even then, instead of just blaming that person, we should try everything in our power to fix the problem until it because apparent that the problem can't be fixed.

[@minalove27]

shes so lucky to have such an amazing mother.

[@reelala4114]

Must be nice to have a mum that hugs you, talks to you and is open minded 😒 i feel like im living with a stranger, my mum does not talk to me at all, my anxiety/ depression is so bad and she does not care. She doesn’t believe in mental health, hate how (most) black parents sweep shit under the rug...they arnt aware that it’s extremely damaging.

[@cnmabona9431]

My experience with my mom was that she didn't know how to help and was secretly scared, and looking back now I know that she also had her own battles to fight as a single mother, so she showed off as though she didn't care hoping that my anxiety would go away. But I decided that I wasn't gonna put another burden onto her, I made a decision that I was gonna go out of it on my own, and I really did, you will get to a better place one day, trust me.

[@lucylau2857]

Ree Lala am telling she is truly blessed to have such a lovely mom. My case is same as urs. Kindly, download the holy bible app,it has actually helped with my healing process by the way they got some amazing plans to help guide u. Take care and stay strong always.hugs

[@TheTeresiah]

Ree Lala so sorry to hear this,but if it helps. You got us 🤗, if you ever want to talk ,I would love to listen ..bless ❤️

[@essycole6459]

Ree Lala 💖💖💖

[@neciama]

Ree Lala Sounds like your mum might be dealing with her own depression and really don't know how to handle her own issues and might be looking at your issues as to mean she has to deal with hers and she rather push you away than to deal with it..

[@klattalexis]

Sometimes a third person provides a fresh pair of eyes.

[@naletsanaele]

Yes and I like how she handled this,so impartial.

[@reesej7279]

Yes. They were both able to listen and understand one another.

[@mariaangelicavillarraga2334]

I want a mum like her. So lovely 💔💔

[@padmasalam5267]

Maria Angelica same here, if that gal doesn’t want her mum, she can send her my way. I wish I had a mum to dot of me. I suppose we don’t know what we have until iThey are gone from our lives. Oh dear!!

[@ArinolaAraba5]

Maria, I appreciate your comments. Why not watch documentary with your mum?

[@mariaangelicavillarraga2334]

@@ArinolaAraba5 Arinola I don't watch the doc with my mum because: 1) She don't speak english and 2) She hates to Talk to me about mental health issues.

[@ArinolaAraba5]

@@mariaangelicavillarraga2334 Let her watch it please. And is there someone you can talk to?

[@mariaangelicavillarraga2334]

@@ArinolaAraba5 Don't worry Arinola.Now everything is fine with her.

[@odetochef]

Sorry, the daughter is irritating the ish out of me. She is coming off as a brat to me.

[@ishish8816]

3:23

[@princessjasmin4218]

And how🤔

[@debbyo8562]

No one is perfect. As children we expect our parents to be perfect and understand us but they can't. Her mum clearly loves her and not alot of people have that kind of parental love. Watching this has made me realise how selfish we as kids can be constantly wanting parents to under stand us. But Do we take the same time to ask how our parents are feeling if they're okay.

[@maggieedward3951]

Deborah Onuha 😰😭so true

[@petitedebby5365]

Watching this just made me appreciate my mum more than I ever did. Dami has anxiety but even when going through something, there is a tone that you use to speak to your mother. I am also Nigerian and watching this made me see how I sometimes behave and how it has made my mum feel as though she has to walk on egg-shells. That becomes uncomfortable for me and my mother. Chances are that she expresses this to her mother because she knows she can or because her mum will be more receptive of whatever she is going to say. Imagine trying to love someone who always pushes you away and once you have your space, they need you close again - that is extremely tough. No one considers the mental health of their parents either, we all dismiss it because we 'think' they do not believe in it. Some Nigerian parents don't, but in the case of Dami's mum, she does. I think it is important to be vulnerable and open up without being passive aggressive or opening up with the mindset of 'she won't get what I am saying' as it defeats the purpose of speaking in the first place, only come to your mother when you know you are ready. I had to express everything to my mum without having the fear that I am supposed to always make her smile. When we sat down and had a chat, I found out that we were more similar than I ever thought we were. Life is tough, and the person I have who listens is my mother. I have come to realize that if you cannot be vulnerable with your mother relationships, whether romantically or just with friends, will be hard to keep as they will also get a taste of what your mum feels with you and they do not have to stay. I think as the children, we tend to forget that our parents do it all out of love, they are not obligated to do anything. But for Dami, it is a blessing to her and these steps are positive. I wished we could hear more of what the mum was going through though as that would have opened people's minds a bit more.

[@TR-yg8nz]

She is very lucky to have a mother like her

[@Samira-su9xp]

The mum is amazing. God bless her

[@MyDestiny2]

I think this is the reason a lot of children don’t want to confide in their parents because of the fear of making their parents sad. My daughter said this to me once...I was shocked...we need to open the lines of communication with our children so we don’t raise damaged adults. Worst of all the African culture is not helping where they don’t acknowledge mental health and the like...I grew up in an African household where we were not encouraged to show emotion...hugging was not the norm ....that’s why I have changed that with the next generation but I suffered from anxiety...low self esteem etc.

[@toivomvula]

Dammy, you have a wonderful mother. Good luck...

[@ArinolaAraba5]

Thanks!

[@kkahin3557]

No doubt the daughter has legitimate issues such as anxiety. Her mum might be over protective however all those things do not excuse the daughters bratty ungrateful behaviour. This behaviour of pushing those who care about you away usually stems from the person's self-hate. She's uncomfortable in her own skin and can not love herself, therefore she can't even bare anyone hugging her or loving her. She needs self reflection

[@North-my7kr]

She’s so spoilt, the mom is lovely!

[@North-my7kr]

First of all you don’t know me, so can’t testify to what I have or haven’t suffered from. This documentary unfortunately made this girl seem very bratty and cold towards her mom who seemed very open to listen to her wants and needs. Her look of disgust for a mom who’s just trying to love on her is appalling. There are people out there in the world with parents who do not care an ounce or even have parents for that matter and for one idiot of the west to punish their parents for loving them too much just seems very spoilt and bratty.

[@odetochef]

Exactly. The daughter is spoiled and slightly UNGRATEFUL

[@North-my7kr]

El diablo da Costa that’s a fair point. But you can’t deny how it came off. .

[@thetoecurler6852]

Roasted

[@speakyourheart8548]

Imagine this. To be free we must express our feelings deeply. We must open up to most sensitive vunerable place and feel it. Speak the words. Its so easy for each human to be free if they have preacence of someone who allows that space. All each human needs is to let thier true feelings flow and be heard. Of you are interupted even if intentions are well it causes harm. No one needs answers. They need to just feel and honour thier true self and in that the answers come. To hold space open for another to be of love. To simply let yourself really listen is a rare gift. Its why no one really shares. But it is so important.each person wants to honour themselves. They want to say the things they have done, to own thier mistakes and harm they may have caused. If you have peopoe there saying oh no your ok your great it doesnt work. That is atxually fear based. The people themselves dont want to feel thier own feelings and so dishonour the other persons. Deep within each being they seek someone to confess to and it be met with an invitation, love and true understanding. All thats needed for this is prescence. Fruatration lays in a person when that simplicity simply is not listened to.

[@azy090]

Neither of them are perfect, obviously, but both Dammy and her mother are lovely people. I hope they can workout their issues and become closer. Not everyone is lucky to have such a loving mother or such a loving daughter.

[@brittany1370]

The mom is so sweet💕

[@VanessaKanbi]

Crying is so important.

[@mayagsam3780]

The market scene is so bad. She pushes her mum away, shuts off, is rude and yet, complains about her mum not listening to her.

[@tiffanih8465]

Her mom just loves her- she's lucky....she'll miss her when she's no longer around.

[@lyricleestudio]

I suggest you give as much time to your parents as you can. I lost my mum at 19 and wish I could spend every moment in time with her. I miss my babe.

[@oco987]

Love that Dammy's mom is really learning to see her child as an adult and adjustingt her behavior. And I love the fact that Dammy is expressing herself audibly so that her mother can hear her. It really refreshing to see two people who love each out work out their differences.

[@mrs.dalton3738]

I love Damny and her Mom! Thank You Damny for sharing your struggles with anxiety. I struggle with it as well. I teared up when her Mom said I don't want you to feel like my feelings are your responsibility, my Mother is mentally ill and I have always been responsible for her and her feelings.

[@michaelasus4858]

Dammy's mum handles the situation well. Most African parents would never apologize to their children. My advice for Dammy is to cherish this woman. Your mum is not perfect, but she's trying to be there. I felt like there was a bottled up pain in Dammy than what was expressed during the interview. That has to be addressed over a period of time so the anxiety could go away completely.

[@Sam-kg1ft]

I blame my parents for my anxiety too ..

[@soupfairy_1]

Sam love mine too

[@cg183]

Samee

[@risingstars3478]

Sam love blame yourself

[@madelaine191]

Me too

[@susanmuthoni1167]

How now?? You cant blame youre parents for everything

[@jasminesoulshine]

I love that they were both open to therapy!!! When the mum offered a hug at therapy session, that warmed my heart.

[@wolfietaurus]

I'm 21 and my mother also still sees me as a child :/ And mental health is taboo for us..

[@ArinolaAraba5]

Welcome to my world ...

[@Allpeaceandjoy]

That mom just adores her child you can tell by her actions, the way she speaks, her tranquil tone of voice. She is doing everything in her power to make her daughter feel comfortable even if that means to withhold from the things she enjoys doing, i.e. Expressing affection. This young lady should cherish every bit of the gentleness and affection her mom brings not everyone has that.

[@marshaabrady5191]

When I clicked on this video I really expected a standoffish mother and a really anxious child....this video is like the complete opposite. I dunno. That’s not to say that things may be different behind closed doors, but I grew up with a parent that would rarely talk to me and would physically abuse me. And she’s mad because her mom hugs her? I can count on one hand the amount of times I hugged my mom my entire life....I had real anxiety-like you could see my anxiety, I would shake, my eyes would dart around everywhere..I’m just not seeing that in this interaction...

[@naletsanaele]

My mom wasn't very tactile either when I was little but I knew she loved me cos she showed in other ways,it was just how she was brought up and to be honest I never thought much of it.All I knew was that she was a caramel goddess.She also was strict about curfew and who my friends were.Later on in life I found out why she was like that.We are all human and are conditioned by socialization.its not always someone else's fault when things go wrong, its just life.

[@cg183]

@@naletsanaele it's not "just life", people don't just catch anxiety out of nowhere and alot of the time it is other people's fault let's be real here...

[@Conny4094]

Don’t minimize other people’s problems because you have it worse

[@sunnydaze80]

she's not angry because her mom gave her hugs, but because her mom didn't acknowledge her feelings as a child. I suffer from anxiety as well, and have come to learn that it was because of this. Unfortunately for me, my mom's refusal came with insults instead of hugs. the key is that children's feelings have to be acknowledged so they can be emotionally healthy.

[@sunnydaze80]

also, this is a mom who is committed to seeing her kids happy, she just didn't have the right tools. so that's why it might be strange for you to see someone developing anxiety from a loving parent vs a neglectful one.

[@FixedFace]

well, at least shes not anxious about being plastered on the internet forever

[@naletsanaele]

😂😂if it doesn't turn out in her favour it will be her mom's fault

[@Corinthians-om2mx]

@@naletsanaele hush

[@naletsanaele]

@@Corinthians-om2mx dont try it bible thumper. U dont want any of it

[@ZainabAmina]

Wow, her mum is amazing 👏🏿

[@ArinolaAraba5]

Thanks Zainab

[@stellarjuju8788]

Her mother is so lovingly open to change. I hope she understands just how much her mother loves and wants to help and be there for her.

[@Iillyjay]

Blessed to have such a wonderful mother 💕

[@kayleighwenham1885]

Oh this mum makes me heart warm, she’s so sweet xx

[@fezilesikhakhane9633]

I love them as a family. They have a wonderful relationship, her mom took a big step for her and is surprisingly open. I wish them the best.

[@charismaOriana]

I just want her mum. She's so blessed to have such a mother. Honestly if I has her mum... I would literally spoil her with love and she would never have to do anything.

[@fatimatchedre7450]

She is so lucky she has a mom,especially one like this. I didn’t have that.

[@Orfeus3000]

What a cool mother.

[@JerzCe73]

I loved this. They both seem like beautiful people. Clearly they love each other. I am 45years old and still have to redefine the boundaries with my Mom. I would never, never trade her for the world. Mothers and Daughters always a work in progress....Keep working Ladies, you'll get there.

[@naletsanaele]

❤

[@Kwisty_io]

As a second generation immigrant, i can totally relate to this. It's a lifetime of work.

[@leahchyianebartley9027]

This video made me cry because it made me think about what I go through.

[@TheTeresiah]

My parents are deceased , but if I had a chance to be with either of them again,I would not leave their sight for whatever reason...sometimes we don't know what we have ,until it's gone ..my parents were the "typical strict " African parents ,but they loved us (their kids )to the end ...I wouldn't change anything about them xx dammy's mom seems like an amazing wonderful lady who just wants to make sure her daughter has it all ..bless her ❤️🤗

[@heyamme]

“My baby can cook ooooo” 😂😂😂😂😂😂 ah you gotta love African parents!

[@ciiru1872]

This was a wonderful episode. I hope there’s more of this. Especially from African families.

[@naletsanaele]

Yes.we need this.the African churches need to be involved. We have to bridge this gap.

[@ciiru1872]

taugadi oh that’s a good point. Agreed 👊🏾

[@padmasalam5267]

Perhaps the mum is overbearing, and is living vicariously through the daughter, being to the fact, she didn’t have a fulfilled life as a youngster. Also the daughter is a grown woman now, and wants her mum to treat her as such. Having said that, she is a lovable and adorable mum. A mum that most kids yearns for. If the daughter doesn’t want her, I will have her, because all I see in this woman is love and passion, and is trying to appease her daughter. I sincerely hope they will make a break through, and start accepting and enjoying each other without qualms!!!!!!

[@padmasalam5267]

Yoyo Bae Although all mums aren’t good folks, if I am honest, I sense no evil in this woman. As mentioned in my piece, the mum might be a bit overbearing, in a loving way though, and the daughter might be overwhelmed by mum’s constant fussing and affection, and wants to be treated and taken serious as a grownup. That’s all I am saying!!

[@maggieedward3951]

padma salam good perspective

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

Amazingly done BBC 3, you are always spot on!

[@sunflower6355]

*As an African myself I have to say that... Dammy you're blessed. Your mom is amazing, strong and incredibly understanding... Cherish her girl, she's got your back.* 💛

[@oreoorva]

wow, the therapist was very helpful. I don't understand the comments saying that just because the woman is a different race that she won't understand a black family. She helped finding common ground so that her daughter can relate to the mother better. There are so many other races with similar cultures or have had their parents struggle in another country. It's not special.

[@simbasvibe6814]

Thank you ssoooo much for creating content like this! It’s is a big help to have a good example of an open dialogue on mental health. Much love XX

[@naletsanaele]

Yes.ive learnt so much chatting to everyone on here as well.we need more of things like this

[@MsDee-xc8uc]

I LOVE how her mom is open and receptive to acknowledging her daughter's feelings, and giving her space to be who she is. Oftentimes in the Carribbean culture there is this unwritten rule that "children are meant to be seen and not heard". That type of dynamic can create generational tension between parents and their children.

[@feiog9192]

She will have her own children and only then will she be able to understand her mother’s perspective.

[@117giraffe-doc]

At least your mom calls you baby, for some of us it's do this and that, what they want and not what we want. Be a doctor, be a lawyer or engineer, have high grades never fail, if you fail why did you fail we can not afford failures in this family it's all a struggle at the end of the day. Anger, pain, tears, insults, fear and anxiety are all these mixed feelings we have and end up bottling them up because nobody will listen to you!

[@naletsanaele]

I think as parents its important we let our children live their own lives and not try to relieve ours through them however I think it's still important to fulfil parental duties.

[@happyme8505]

Exactly ... at 19 was forced to be an adult pay rent and other household things without anyone asking how i am doing

[@hermione5050]

My dad's response to my mental health was "just don't think about it"

[@neoloanderson6676]

😣

[@maggieedward3951]

Heri Demsas 😞

[@temin7152]

Her mum is a G and this girl has a problem, she only sees things from one side. But needs to remember that other people also have feelings and emotions but communication is essential. I personally don't feel like she has great communication skills or hold herself accountable for her lack of communication because she just walks away

[@gigimarie5325]

To me, the daughter came off as rude and the mother very loving. The daughter spoke to the therapist with more respect then how she spoke to her mother. I understand people wanting to be treated as adults but I am also big on respect.

[@_Bubblefly]

I had an honest brutal talk about my mental issues, my parents shot at me back saying its all my faults and i just deserve to be miserable because of all my decision and everything. My bro told me on my face that i am bad and mad woman. Its difficult to fight back during melt down because the voices is so loud even when i am fine.

[@naletsanaele]

Nana that sounds terrible. Have you considered asking for help from outside of your family like the health centre cos its affecting your mental health. I hope u get sorted soon💗

[@mars2101]

Why is she blaming everything on her parents tho ffs?

[@zetlander8265]

Got7 Jackson ❤️❤️❤️ got 7

[@mars2101]

@@zetlander8265 ahgase 💓

[@naturesfinest8205]

This rings so true. When I was younger it was so hard to communicate with my mum about serious issue(there’s certain family matters I don’t even try to touch on) she so much better now, especially since she’s become a grandmother to my niece. The tough thing about some African parents is they sweep things under the carpet and pray it away (this is even more true now I’m a teacher and deal with parents who REFUSE to believe their children have special Ed needs) BUT at the same time they can be so BRUTALLY HONEST about certain things and are fine to discuss if you’ve put on weight or not married.

[@malkaringel7864]

Blame serves no purpose. One must be strong and build a life. One must forgive, as people do the best they know how with whatever resources they have. My dad couldn't deal with talking things through. My mom abandoned us. My dad also. Divorce, foster care (3 kids in different homes) . I at 62, am the lone survivor. I know how to manage on less. I have health issues-chronic pain n mobility. My mom tried to kill herself n take her kids with her, in her car....at least twice. We told no one. I was molested by my cousin and his friends. I wanted a lock on my door....but my mom didn't catch my meaning. I have suffered all my life. I did my utmost in all situations. Grow up. Forgive. Move on. Build a decent life for yourself. Get an education if possible...to gain a decent job...something you love!!!! You are not alone. Many of us came from divorce, especially when it was scandalous in the 60s. It may be helpful and healing to keep a journal and write out your thoughts, feelings, ideas, etc. It is a form of therapy. Best of luck to you from snowy Canada!!!! 🍁

[@naletsanaele]

❤

[@pham4796]

It's not a matter of blame i think. Parents do the best they can, but still can cause a lot of damage. Now that you mention your chronic illness, it has been proven that many chronic illnesses stem from unhappy childhoods (look up Gabor Maté). It's not about blaming, it is about understanding.

[@malkaringel7864]

Trang Nguyen My chronic illnesses stem from stress (fibromyalgia) and cartilage in my behind is all gone it's called (arthrosis) and is extremely painful.....affecting my ability to stand/walk. I also have(restless leg syndrome) which may be hereditary but also affects my legs. I have a personality disorder due to childhood trauma and abandonment =borderline personality disorder. I can live with this. At 62, we can't expect miracles! I will check out what you suggested, thanks!

[@pham4796]

@@malkaringel7864 Your positive outlook is an inspiration to not only people who have suffered similar things, but to all. Trauma and stress take their toll on the body. I wish you genuine happiness and peace of mind

[@malkaringel7864]

Trang Nguyen Thank you kindly for your sympathetic words. You boosted my spirit! Never give up! If you fall...pick yourself up...continue on the RIGHT ROAD!!! Best wishes to you from Canada

[@nanaaraj]

I think I might need a family therapist but things are okay so I’ll give them space. I’m Ghanaian and my parents are doing the same thing. They don’t listen to me when I speak to them about my anxiety, sadness, depression. This makes me feel alone and unloved. At the end of the day, they will have different experiences.

[@naletsanaele]

Hi there.Is there a young person advisory service or relate charity where you are by any chance? Sorry I should have asked if you are based in the UK.The gps would also help. They might offer a non confrontational friendly chat with you and your family to get u on the right track,u can also call samaritans,they have a toll free number. Good luck 💗

[@nanaaraj]

taugadi ok thank you for your suggestion. What’s the Samaritans number?

[@naletsanaele]

@@nanaaraj its 116123.Have u ever tried positive affirmations,breathing exercises and meditation? Check on KZbin,I found that helpful in building self confidence and overcoming anxiety ,panic attacks and depression. I'm not saying they are a magic cure but I found them helpful. I've made them part of my daily routine cos I'm not religious. There is also a site called relate which is run by Alan Rorbage here on KZbin. He has free videos on attachment trauma and self healing. I hope u feel better soon.Stay strong and know that u r not alone. U will overcome this and you will become stronger for it.have a lovely day💗

[@nanaaraj]

taugadi thank you so much. That’s so inspiring and encouraging. I’ll look on KZbin and I’m glad they help you. What’s your ethnicity?

[@naletsanaele]

@@nanaaraj mixed but grew up in Africa. So black African 💪🏿one love💗💗

[@ramblingrahema2125]

Her mother is so sweet

[@bottygoon7233]

As someone that has anxiety and is from an African family, is totally understand where she is coming from this is deeper then what you see African parents. don't understand anxiety and depression it's a joke to them because of what they have come from.

[@Mamobo96]

Or they say you should pray about it

[@toney-ann8578]

At least her mum tells her she loves her... my mom is Jamaican and she doesn’t express her feelings towards me unless she’s pissed off...

[@mishmash3968]

I can’t stand when people blame their parents for stuff. We must always realize our parents aren’t perfect humans. They are no different than you and I. This woman appears to have incredibly supportive, loving parents- so not sure why exactly she’s complaining about them. No one will ever have all the answers, word it just so (in your opinion) and react just as you wish they would. It is called L I F E. Rather than spending time trying to blame others, use that time to improve your own self and how you answer, react and respond to things in your life to make is better for you.

[@Cari-Firefly]

Mish mash you posted this 3 times... why?

[@wolfair2011]

Maybe, when she have her own daughter...she will understand the situation :-)

[@mars2101]

Literally

[@naletsanaele]

Hear hear

[@pham4796]

Your relationship with your parents serves like a blueprint for the rest of your life. Who you are today has its roots in childhood. People have to take responsibilty for their lives, and fix their issues, but in order for them to that, you have to go back to the root cause of your issue, and understand it first before you even try to fix the problem

[@christinadavis8244]

This was amazing! I love her mum and how open she is. This encourages me to work on my own relationships with my mom and daughter.

[@melibony]

Her mum is so sweet

[@MARTHAS_TAKE]

aww the mum is really open & i liked the therapist too

[@odoblackstar_8397]

This girl is something else. She sounds selfish and lacks of empathy. The mother is over apologising for stuff that I don’t even understand. IComments such as “I don’t want to talk about it now, I don’t like sharing my food, That hug was too lo long”...Sound like she’s a difficult person. Her mom isn’t her problem. She’s the problem.

[@user-mq3ts7lr9l]

OMG This girl needs to appreciate having a mother who is always ready to hug you

[@bethanyleigh9691]

Omg this is so sad I hope they do a follow up so we can see if they are doing better now . All the best to the family

[@dennisgarcia3215]

it's good to hear people share their stories! i can completely relate

[@hfredydl]

I wish you all the best girl, I understand, glad you went to therapy!! ....I’ve had anxiety my whole life and despite career success I still fear basic conversations with people ... I wish I was a people person but I tend to isolate myself on weekends ... been therapy but only sometimes

[@nishamack586]

Positive self thought is your best friend! Believe me, if you stop for a minute, listen to the negative thoughts playing in your head you'll see that's what causing it. You have to speak positive words( aloud) 😊

[@zenitsutanjiro8356]

I feel African parents get a bad rep. You will be surprised how many of them understand mental health issues or will be willing to learn. Her mother seems very caring and wants to understand. It seems like a cultural issue aswell as generational. Being that they were raised in different countries. Though her mum should give her a bit more space and allow her to feel grown. She needs to try to understand her mother, and a mothers love. She should give her mum a chance, she probably understands a lot more than she thinks.

[@BeALighthouse]

Beautiful. I need this level of honesty with my own mother.

[@deanncopeland]

So her mother gave her anxiety by being a lovely supportive parent?

[@dianamart1994]

Deanne Copeland yes,because she also have social life where she can experience negative emotions,but when she did,she feld guilty because of her moom,wich love her so much,she feels bad when she feels sad or want to cry for no make sad moom...and that’s just make things worse

[@TWX27]

It’s much more complicated than that.

[@pegacis]

I just wanna vent for I bit idk if anyone will see this but... Im Nigerian and my whole life I've had people telling me I'm lazy and spoilt. I bottle up my emotions a lot and sometimes when I get to much I often have panic attacks were I can't breathe properly and my mom just says I'm having a tantrum and often films my episodes to show her friends later. I've run away, I've self harmed, trying to show my mom I'm not okay. Last year in February I tried to kill myself I overdosed on drugs and ended up in hospital. Still afterwards nothing really changed I got talks from uncle and aunties all around me about how disappointed they were with me, about how my mom was trying and how I live in a 1st world country and I should feel grateful for everything I have. That made me feel worse. Because of my attempted suicide I had to go to this children's therapy clinic. Still nothing really changed. I found it really hard to talk with the therapist especially with my mom in the room monitoring what I'm saying. Eventually we stopped going to therapy and never really questioned why. One day I was in my mom's room and came across a bulky brown envelope, curios I peeked inside I saw lots letters addressed to me. I read on and see that I've been diagnosed with Autism spectrum disorder and dates of follow up appointments I never heard off from my mother. I was really upset at first but eventually came to terms with it. I've been researching Autism and discovering and unlocking a lot if things about myself. I haven't yet told my mom that I know about my ASD because I'm afraid of the argument that might insue if I do. I hope I have the courage to discuss it with her one day though. Thanks for reading :)

[@prettylou]

Bless you

[@sonii5929]

May GOD ALMIGHTY bless you and keep you and protect you. Please get support as soon as you can. Perhaps your doctor can recommend a therapist. Talk to JESUS. HE WILL fill your beautiful soul with peace.

[@giasmith5448]

thanks for sharing.Sound like you mum in denial about diagnoses. help you can get some support. Don't give up on trying to seek some support. Maybe when 18 trying get therapy again.All best

[@ariseshine08]

This young lady should feel lucky to have a lovely mum... Why don’t you move out if you want your space! We spend almost all our adult lives being there for our children but some of them take it for GRANTED!

[@lilmizzije]

She literally shuts her mum out.. wtf

[@lesabumm]

This mom is doing a good job honestly compare to other African parents

[@anasevillano4978]

This makes me a little bit mad, i'm studying psychology so usually when it's about mental health i'm pretty receptive, but in this case her reactions just made upset; I come from an abusive home, actually I still live with them, I have developed anxiety since I was pretty young, I used to self harm and even developed a heart condition because of the stress. My point is that she should be grateful for her mom (mine past away when I was nine ) because at least she is trying to understand and wants to help her daugther, if I told my father about my mental health he would just scream at me, I still depend on my family for money, because of my country Venezuela, so i'm trapped with them for a long time still.

[@naletsanaele]

I'm sorry to hear this.I hope things get better for you. Are you interested in meditation,mindfulness and positive affirmations at all? They helped me a lot when I used to go through racism around 2000.I ended up on antidepressants,but I worked at changing my mindset cos I wanted to enjoy both my European and African heritage equally. I wasn't willing to allow anyone to impose their shortcomings on me.healing to u💗 Ps: sorry also do you have access to health services maybe you could talk to a nurse or doctor or contact a helpline service. Best of luck💗

[@maggieedward3951]

Ana Sevillano you are a great son with good understanding hope you eventually have a blessed life

[@hellothere4485]

I know I can't do much but I'll keep you in mind, ❤️ I hope you'll get through it

[@ArinolaAraba5]

Annn, thanks for your kind comments. Email me [e-mail]

[@shesdead2me]

I've got depression and anxiety and im from Africa. This child is difficult and ungrateful. Some parents just kiss their teeth and tell u not to sass them. Some don't respect u enough or even recognise u (im from divorced parents too) to want to be in ur space and chat with u. Kmt. And im 22 also...my generation needs to stop jumping onto blame and start understanding. I began healing when i realised that my parents are human too. They make mistakes and they feel things. Ive hurt them too. Take responsibility of your own mental health ffs. #psychologymastersstudent.

[@maggieedward3951]

Royal Jerk thank you for your great perspective speaking as a mum of two children who hate me 😭

[@shesdead2me]

Maggie Edwards today’s society almost prompts children to be against their parents. As far as I’m concerned, if you’ve done your utmost best by them e.g. food, shelter, gave the best emotional support that you were able to (may not always be satisfactory but as long as you tried), then your children should count their blessings more. Parents are just children who grew up to have kids. A little more compassion is needed on BOTH sides.

[@JacquelineHarris]

I really liked this. Made me think about my mom and I. It's challenging being with and growing/ healing beyond how I feel towards my mom and her ways..... however, this gave me hope. By the way I would have rather had a black, hispanic or any other person of color as the counselor/therapist; It means a lot. Most older black /african parents are not truly comfortable talking about intimate things with white people, it's a trust issue. I think they would have delve deeper if they both were more comfortable . Example: Mother- laughing in the beginning (discomfort), trying to stay open. Daughter- (who's already struggling with being guarded) being challenged with protecting mother by not putting all their family business out in the street(and not making her mom look bad) yet trying to stay true to the point of why they were there. But all in all it was still good!