Apologies from a Covert Narcissist

[@Elbalchc]

And my answer is Iv’e given up…and have chosen to stay single in my sanctuary where I don’t have to ever get caught up in relationship situationships anymore…I searched for the answer to why my intimate relationships always failed through to 68 yrs of my life n at 70 I’m focusing on healing n studying away from as many triggers as possible …if it takes me 68 yrs to get well again SO BE IT! I deserve to be appreciated n feel the warmth of love n satisfaction like other humans n if it means I stay alone to achieve that PEACE N HEAL SO BE IT!

[@cngreneeswanson]

There is nothing wrong with being alone. In fact, there is a huge difference between being alone and being lonely. I love my aloneness now.

[@TNT.4Me]

My cousin told me, “I’m sorry you feel that way” I immediately hung up on her! That is not an apology. I feel very differently about her now.

[@Truthteller1s]

Classic! This is what she told me after cheating.

[@Atreyuwu]

I just finished a discussion about that statement, and how it is unjustly vilified. Saying it alone doesn't make someone a narcissist, but a narcissist may certainly use that statement. You also need to watch your own self in such an interaction - I personally would use that statement if someone else is accusing me of something I didn't do. For example, if after someone was talking I thought of something funny and inadvertently chuckled, and they accuse me: "you laughed at what I said because you think what I said is stupid!!". I would then tell them "nooooo, what you said reminded me of something funny and I was laughing at that" Then, they press the matter "I don't believe you, you were laughing at ME, you think I'm stupid or something!". In such a situation, where I've already explained myself and I know that I wasn't thinking/feeling what the other person is accusing me of, yet they insist that is what is happening - I might definitely say "listen, I'm sorry you feel that way - but I didn't do that for the reason you are saying I am". So *it really just depends on the context*. People thinking that saying those words means someone *must* be a narcissist is dangerous, and could very well do more harm than good.

[@TNT.4Me]

@@Atreyuwu I definitely understand what you are saying. But there is more to what happened and what was said between me and my cousin. But you make an excellent point.

[@sunnyadams5842]

​@@AtreyuwuThem pressing the matter that way??? Insisting THEY know WHAT YOU meant??? That's a PROBLEM!! I WOULD LEAVE N NEVER GO BACK right there!! See ya.

[@RichLockhart]

Listen to this lady ^ she is totally right on the money.. goes for both men and women coverts..

[@cngreneeswanson]

Thanks! It does go for both men and women.

[@jaatrack912]

You have expertly described DARVO.

[@StacyA406]

Thank you for starting a KZbin channel. Your approach to this subject is extremely clear and helpful.

[@katiemiller4187]

Learning how to not react.. thats thr tough part..

[@sunnyadams5842]

Stick with it. It gets WAY easier.

[@cngreneeswanson]

It is tough, but it is amazing. When I stopped reacting, I felt so free and empowered.

[@fidelmashelton9491]

Absolutely correct. Playing mind-games with their words. It's all a game to them, that they have to win. A covert narcissist once told me that. They don't care and they love to talk down to you, in their minds your stupid and they know better. Observe don't obsorb is best with narcissists.

[@sunnyadams5842]

Observe, witness DARVO-. LEAVE. GO NO CONTACT.

[@karenkuske5567]

Omg….. when you went into the “what about me” you described the husband I separated from. Thank you for mentioning this!

[@shirleybarrett605]

catching them doing wrong, and putting the blame on you, its your fault they did some thing wrong lol

[@cngreneeswanson]

This is incredibly common!

[@BLB-mf8kk]

If I would try to talk to my mum about how she hurt me, she'd get upset and say, "Well, what about me??" Also, I received a generous gift from my late mother in law and my mum said, "Well, I can't compete with that." Currently no contact with entire family for 4 years. It hurts but I felt i didn't have a choice. (Everyone in my family took my mum's side, due to ongoing smear campaign). So painful.

[@cngreneeswanson]

So sorry to hear! That is tough

[@neal-stewart834]

yup two wrongs mak a right very sad i know

[@neal-stewart834]

they apologise but they cant get out of the cycle

[@cngreneeswanson]

They get caught in a loop of their own talking and don't know how to get out.

[@Jrocket12345]

Brilliant observations.

[@ivadedeva7005]

Very good suggestions!

[@buildsbest]

Oh my God you've been there too. Here are my questions. 1.Who taught them to be so manipulative. 2. Why do they set people up against each other with lies that never come to light until one party dies and the truth dawns. My ex told my dad I had accused him of appalling sexual impropriety. Poor dad his face filled with hurt and betrayal, couldn't frame the things ex said I'd accused him of doing.. Dad just came over to me saying you said I'd I'd I'd. done.. ? I had no idea what he was on about until after my divorce. When similar vile things had been done to me. He indirectly said what he intended to do to me after marriage. He said you could always marry someone you hate and torture them for the rest of their lives. He was 18 yrs of age when he said this to me. He's done a good job. A truly sick man.

[@cngreneeswanson]

@@buildsbest So sorry to hear. They learn to be this way from their own childhood. Abuse and/or neglect causes them to build these defensive traits that are so damaging to those around them. The manipulation is their attempt at always protecting themselves. They put people against each other to keep others unsettled and upset. As long as those around them are struggling, hurting, defensive, and such, then they are able to maintain control.

[@sunnyadams5842]

Sorry you saw it that way. That wasn't my untention. ( Dropped pronoun and all, that's my Dad's fave. I say fave. I do believe that in my 58 years, I have only asked for an apology twice, maybe)

[@mimikri9232]

The plants were dry because the sun shined too hot, his flat was dirty because of his cats, he aint got no money because of his terrible ex wife....😂

[@brunovalentine61]

I have 2 kids . For me when my ex starts that go around me , you circles, i dont react but start a totally new topic and she just looks at me with a frozen face. And asks are u not to answer my question, i just repeat my new question. She just walks away or calls me all sorts of nasity names but i keep asking the same question, she walks away

[@josephmbimbi]

I watched a couple videos, i enjoyed them. Unrelated but it looks like you are talking to someone, are you actually lol ?

[@cngreneeswanson]

@@josephmbimbiThanks for the question. Sometimes I am and sometimes I am not. Talking to someone helps me to not create a monologue. It is easier for me to communicate what I am trying to say.

[@pameladavis9939]

What apology🤔🙋