Are My Orgasms "Good Enough"?

In lots of sex positive spaces it can feel like everyone is having mind-blowing orgasms all of the time but do you ever feel like your orgasms aren’t “good enough”? Today we’re talking about the pressure we sometimes feel to “improve” our orgasms, why orgasms are not the be all and end all of sex - and why we need to normalise that instead!
MENTIONED IN VIDEO
Archives of Sexual Behaviour 2017 study: www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/1...
Orgasm frequency and PIV study: link.springer.com/article/10....
Becky Lund-Harket Doing It episode: doingitpodcast.co.uk/episodes...
Can you buy your way to good sex article by Beth Ashley: theface.com/life/buy-good-sex...
Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again by Katherine Angel*: uk.bookshop.org/a/689/9781788...
Quinn Rhodes Doing it episode: doingitpodcast.co.uk/episodes...
CHAPTERS
00:00 - Intro
01:04 - The orgasm gap
02:51 - Orgasms during partnered sex
04:14 - Are my orgasms good enough?
05:27 - Types of orgasm
07:36 - Optimising our orgasms
09:37 - Moving towards pleasure as the goal
11:15 - Outro
SIMILAR VIDEOS
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What are my Sex Values? (QUIZ): • What are my Sex Values...
The Truth About Sexual Desire: • The Truth About Sexual...
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[@stagetopage]

I did not know it was as low as 18% for PIV sex - wow! 😱 While having orgasms is obviously incredible, sometimes I just enjoy the feeling of something feeling good, with no pressure to climax and just be present in the moment.

[@alexanderg8466]

18% is just an estimation.. Nobody knows the real number

[@dorissaclaire]

Thank you so much for bringing up the fact that “the orgasm gap” and “decentralize orgasm in sex!” Are often in conflict.

[@Emily._.Reepicheep]

My issue is they are often portrayed as the best thing in the world and mine just feel underwhelming

[@aimeeoleszuk7068]

I feel the same way. The jealousy around my partners orgasms is real for me: it happens so much easer for him and seems so much better. Mine are so much harder to achieve and feel a bit meh

[@JennaGetsCreative]

I totally read that title as are my organs not good enough 🤣 Sounded weird but not entirely impossible for a topic on this channel.

[@ghostlight4644]

hi long-hair Hannah! thank you for exploring this topic further - the bit about how this particular labor is directed exclusively at women and people of marginalized genders is so important to acknowledge. as a person who is not attracted to cis men, when i was in a relationship with a cis woman, her focus on “improving sex” via seeking orgasm sometimes put me off because pleasuring her was more interesting to me than seeking my own pleasure. i understand the desire for sexual equity that’s severely lacking in many cishet relationships, but i also know that for myself, being more “stone” is my way of queering sex and feeling secure in myself and my body :)

[@ThatRomyKate]

This was a really interesting video! Honestly though, the constant jump zooms (idk if that's what they're called) got really distracting and in the end I just listened without watching. It's a great tool for emphasis but if you use it 3 times in one sentence it kind of loses its impact...

[@mostlyknee]

Agreed! My motionsickness was actually triggered and I had to resort to listening only :(

[@irisvandenieuwegiessen5533]

Damn you pointed it out and now I can't unsee it

[@chrizzykeller2952]

Yes, I came here to say this as well!

[@zyzxzsgedr]

Agreed

[@eleanortaylor4768]

I agree, actually made me feel a little dizzy so I had to just listen to the audio.

[@bimaloxley]

Love how over the years its gone from 30% to 25% to 18%! I love the normalisation of clitoral play plus more research is being done, decentralising piv

[@SafireMusic]

Right now I’m in a hetero presenting relationship and we weren’t able to do piv for months. Our bodies just couldn’t figure it out for a while and honestly I think it was one of the best things for our sex life because we had to have sex in other ways. Also I feel like there was a lot of pressure to enjoy sex in a “feminist” way too not just a typical way. So it was difficult to figure out that I don’t like receiving oral, I really only come from penetrative/fingering stimulation with a partner. I think we need to normalize not having an image for sex in general or normalize not having a norm (if that makes sense😂) because I felt like something was wrong when I didn’t enjoy it the way the internet said I should

[@lorifox4699]

I think it's remarkable that so many people have watched but not comment. Thank you Hannah!! Enjoy the topic and where it could lead in conversation.

[@alysgriego]

This was absolutely what I needed to hear!! Thank you for this incredibly well-informed video!

[@tiredandcaffeinated]

A cup of coffee and a Hannah video is a great way to start my morning 🥰

[@9thgalaxy778]

Thank you sooo much Hannah for making a space for young people like me to learn about sex from an honest source. I have had SO MUCH anxiety around this sort of stuff, but this video (and many of your others) have been very reassuring and helpful in developing a healthier, kinder attitude towards sex/my body.

[@MrQuantumInc]

It is certainly ironic that the pressure to orgasm gets in the way of actual orgasms. Just as Hannah said there is a lot of pressure to have sex in the right way. Even without porn showing it directly or a partner pressuring you one might feel like they're doing it wrong. I think the anxiety that you are not good enough is unfortunately a part of the human experience, and "good enough" gets defined by looking at other people. Obviously it is a good thing when you can learn how to survive and thrive that way, but sometimes it can get in the way of surviving and thriving too. While men have a lot of pressures around sex (mainly just having sex in the first place) the pressure to be beautiful has a major effect on women including when they're having sex, and that distraction definitely gets in the way. Though there also seems to be some biological factors that make men's arousal more resilient, men can also get performance anxiety.

[@zoeziebee]

This video is great. You explain some things that it took me years and lots of experimenting to work out. The point you make about how orgasms and ability to orgasm can change even from day to day is so important. Don’t expect your body to always react the same, just try to play around and feel what’s good

[@thenopedetective]

So true! Hormones, stress, and context are huge factors.

[@SuperMytube75]

I didn't know I needed this video, but I actually need to hear this. Thanks !!

[@shnn1a]

This video was so well written and really got me thinking!!

[@thenopedetective]

Love this! There's so much attention to folks who are having a lot of sex uncreative ways. While I sometimes have the energy for that, sometimes it's really not where I want to spend my time and energy and I'd rather have good sex that great. luckily my partner gets this so it's not an issue, but it's a lot of pressure to live up to! Have sex every second day, mutual orgasms, work a full time job, keeps a clean house, any kid stuff on top of that. There's just not that much time and energy for all of this 😅. I also appreciate your mentioning that some folks find it easier to orgasm with casual partners, this is definitely the case for me though improving over time. A relationship where there are no worries or ultimate goals has a lot less maintenance than a typical relationship (though fewer benefits arguably too).

[@lucilasandoval3084]

Oh my god yes to the jealousy of my partner's orgasm... I think the pressure to come "as hard" or in a specific way has definitely impacted my sex life...

[@SixtineLys]

Thank you so much, I'm so glad that this knowledge is out in the world

[@lilachabramovitz5884]

I admire your wisdom, love your videos!!!

[@lucyniven4467]

I absolutely love your positive understanding issue to everything. And love how educational it is but in a positive supportive way!!

[@Professarlector]

Honestly, I’ve just started this video and based on the thumbnail alone, I’m really hoping for a daft punk bit. But also you know, quality education about sex, but that’s always the case with Hannah.

[@Dee-jq2ob]

I know times have changed, but I was dating a boy, we were both 17 and he happened to say '"masterbation" I asked him what that was. Yep, the look was😳 from him and he told me and I didn't believe him 🤣. I went to school and talked with my best friend and she didn't believe it either and never did I think women did it. This was 1980 and public school, it wasn't until I started working with woman, when I was in my early 20's, did I realize women also do it. It's amazing what women talk about and what you can learn.

[@buriedtoodeep1508]

Wow! appreciate your insightfulness.

[@Cslacey997]

My favourite video, thank you 😊

[@logancollins1161]

You have always awesome content 🙂👍. Your video's are very nice 👍

[@laurenschenck5355]

Good morning Hannah! ✨💚✨✨✨💚✨💚💚✨✨💚✨

[@Pimkly]

Thank you for mentioning that disability and chronic illness also plays a role in a relationship with out bodies and sex! (Would love more on that topic as a disabled woman myself) !!

[@cinemanicalectora]

Love videos like this .

[@chandraa5333]

When you mentioned porn, I think it would be really cool to see porn where there isn't an orgasm. But the sex still portrayed as good and pleasurable. And with ethical porn/feminist porn, becoming more of a thing. I think its totally realistic now to see something like this, and I think a lot of the porn directors especially people like Erika Lust would totally direct something like this.

[@josephhudspith2258]

Hannah I have a question for you. Do you know any other youtubers or other reliable sites that does videos on sex and relationship level that is for bi/gay/trans/cis men as we all have different body's and genders. I've watch you for years and will continue as there always something new or enjoyable your amazing. 😊

[@marykaltreider3771]

This video and the "what is an orgasm" video were so thought-provoking!

[@SK-tk5lc]

This is all so true...

[@spydestroyer]

I like when there is reference to songs in thumbnail whether intended or not . Daft Punk in this case Harder Better Faster Stronger .

[@hannahwitton]

most definitely intended

[@spydestroyer]

@@hannahwitton I was 19 years old going on 20 when the song came out in 2001 . Time go by quite fast now that I'm 40 years old !

[@baeregard]

is the thumbnail a daft punk reference, or is that just a coincidence?

[@denewst01]

Daft Punk is exactly where my mind went on seeing it too

[@sbadapple3473]

In another comment she says "most definitely intended" lol

[@greensteve9307]

Why does the camera zoom in and out constantly? Making me motion sick!

[@JamieIphone]

Woooo

[@thelonesculler]

Nice Daft Punk reference

[@michellemorgan9832]

I go dang near cross eyed and eyes roll to the back of my head. Mmmmm!

[@shantoreywilkins651]

#2nd

[@laurenschenck5355]

Thanks for sharing Hannah you are so amazing inspiring and unbelievable unique and wonderful so gorgeous and wonderful and blessing angel xoxo 😚 🌟💙🤍💖💖💜💓💓✨💚🧡🧡🧡✨✨✨✨🌈🌈💕❣️❤️‍🩹💔❣️💘💙📚💖💖💜🧡✨❤️💖💜💜💓🌈✨💚💚✨🧡✨💚💚✨✨🤍🌟🌟🤍❣️❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹💔❤️💖💜💓🌈🌈💕💘💘💙💙❤️💖💜💜🧡✨💚💚💚💔❤️‍🩹💔💔

[@ravishkumar8422]

Hey Hannah, hope you are good. Can you make a video on ball busting and castration (eunuch) fantasy?? What are the benefits of being eunuch?

[@luluf330]

hannah, do you struggle with the thought of your youtube channel as a company selling sex ed tools not being able to be sex positive under capitalism? it does rely on people being wronged by the system ....

[@pile333]

Daft F*ck? 😄

[@kamrankhattak3304]

Some add hot clips

[@Davidjb37721]

How many times can Woman come

[@honestlyholly7657]

Everyone's different 🤷

[@Mew2Win]

Just receive grapes. You’ll be more likely to org & be fertilized, and we can finally have vvomen being vvomen again!

[@sylvia7777]

Hm, I love you Hannah but in terms of 💦 that’s different for every woman and saying that 💦 isn’t the same as on orgasm is wrong, some woman do 💦 when orgasming and do know when they orgasm

[@simonbarjesus2683]

Hannah is the original hot girl that upgraded the KZbin benchmark from Megan Nicole. Hannah I loved it when you tempted Rosie in front of Rose. If I weren’t Christian I would want you to tempt her too and say “you could both hold one each”. ;)

[@asan-vg1ql]

Find your savior before it’s too late allah is here for all of us before it’s too late

[@kristinaweaver961]

These videos are getting a little too “woke” in the language department, good info though 👍

[@honestlyholly7657]

What do you mean by that?

[@Ella-sl7wt]

Don't see how "woke" language effects you or the video at all, just makes the video more inclusive for everyone and helps more people:)