Are you a People Pleaser? | Ms. Rinku Sawhney | TEDxIITIndore

Ms. Rinku is a Social Impact Entrepreneur, a Personal Excellence & Mind-shift Coach. She has co-founded Elevated Minds, which is a start-up committed to helping people rise above mediocrity and become the masters of their own lives. Her work has enabled people to get clarity and identify roadblocks, that have held them back from achieving success.
In this talk, she delivers an eye-opening speech and touches the fine line between being kind and a people pleaser by sharing examples from her own life. Rinku is a Social Impact Entrepreneur, a Personal Excellence & Mind-shift Coach. She has co-founded Elevated Minds, which is a start-up committed to help people rise above mediocrity and become the masters of their own lives.
Over 5000 people have experienced Rinku’s signature live events. Her work has enabled people to get clarity and identify roadblocks, that have held them back from achieving success. Rinku firmly believes that each and every human is unique and special and that we are all born to be successful. She is also the author of an upcoming book, “My Life; I Decide”. In her own small way, Rinku believes in impacting the world and leaving it a slightly better place. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@montheramier1556]

"Don't be afraid of losing people, be afraid of losing yourself."

[@SawRinku]

Thank you

[@montheramier1556]

This talk is a life changing for me Ma'am 🙏

[@swetabora6502]

Being the eldest daughter brought up in the same environment as you, I can relate to why I have been people-pleasing for so long that I'm drained, I always wondered why people do this to me despite being nice and kind. I learned it's me not them. Just recognised my flaws to fix my life. I hope I get there one day.

[@ezazkhan4233]

yes bro im people please must problem

[@saveboykings8670]

“By saying yes to the world, i was saying no to myself.”

[@reshmaharikanth123]

Start treating yourself with love and respect ... Don't be afraid of loosing people be afraid of loosing yourself ..... Thank you mam

[@riyasinha8795]

Today I realized , I'm not being kind to people ...I'm a people pleaser.. thanks mam ..for the happy realization😃

[@supriya488]

Same experience

[@elizabethhewitt9723]

People kept telling me I was SO nice... One even said "Your too nice"... This video resonates with me. I will no longer say no to myself and yes to others at my expense.

[@naveedmulani]

The moral is be good , be loyal , kind , loving , caring but start doing all these with yourself first .

[@gracesanity6314]

YES, YES.

[@jinujisnaa]

💯💯

[@amanpreet2005]

Yes💯💯

[@NeetikaSrivastava604]

Your “yes” will have lot more value if you learn the art of saying “no” ❤️

[@aadhiraamr6117]

I feel happy that people speak about these issues openly ...but at the same time Im sad that this 'message ' conveyed by her only reaches a small % of population. .....this should reach the majority!

[@SawRinku]

thank you for your comments and engagement. There are some very trivial and overlooked behaviors which generally hamper our growth in career and in life. I have written about such behaviors in a book. My book, "My Life I Decide" is now available on Amazon worldwide in Print and Kindle formats. If you love my talks, the book is better. Do pick up a copy and it would really be helpful.

[@graceflorence1244]

This is one of the best speech on people pleasing one can find

[@SawRinku]

Thank you

[@ezazkhan4233]

what solution mam people plesing behavior im must problem

[@saritabhuyan4454]

Really she is right. wen U extra nice to people, then they started ignoring you

[@HariKrishna-rj6pu]

I'm having the habbit of people pleaser, it's a syndrome,it's a disease which I carried on throughout my life,thank you mam for your valuable speach now I feel I was born and take my life in to a new way,

[@monurajput5608]

I have been a people pleaser since my teenage days .I have lack of confidence and social anxiety. I was bullied in school too. I remember I was not like this until the age of 10-12. My father is a people pleaser too and has ADHD. Is genetics a cause ? Or bullying?

[@richasaxena6636]

I too have faced similar challenges. When I realised that people pleasing doesn't really make me happy, I stopped doing it. My mother was a people pleaser and expected me to be the same. I suffered and learned from my mistake. I like your honest revelation. I can relate to you.

[@SawRinku]

Thank you. Do look for more videos on my youtube channel.

[@SawRinku]

thank you for your comments and engagement. There are some very trivial and overlooked behaviors which generally hamper our growth in career and in life. I have written about such behaviors in a book. My book, "My Life I Decide" is now available on Amazon worldwide in Print and Kindle formats. If you love my talks, the book is better. Do pick up a copy and it would really be helpful.

[@nancysingh9833]

It seems that someone is narrating my emotions. This video has changed my life. Thank you Mam.

[@dikshasharma4518]

I never comment on any video.. This is the first time because mam your story has really compelled me to do so.. Don't be afraid of loosing people be afraid of loosing yourself ☺aapne aankhein khol di aaj .. Thank you so much mam

[@jagdishsharma3671]

One of the best Ted talks I've come across so far, This is definitely going to help so many including me to get out of this people pleasing syndrome.

[@SawRinku]

thank you

[@pallavisreetambraparni6995]

rinkuji this is so true for many of us women

[@realandrare1338]

@@SawRinku thanks a lot for this session bcoz i faced exactly same issues it was like u R talking about my life.. Thanks a lot.. Now i know whats wrong with me. I got answers.

[@kritikasharma4061]

@@realandrare1338 Same here

[@kamalpreetkaurpabla5713]

Order people. Dont please anyone in life except our parents. Not even our partner or kids. No one is forever everyone flys at one stage. Just please your parents who love you infinitely.

[@Sunshine-yk2eg]

I suggest you should watch the TedTalk by Salma Hindy

[@nushs3191]

@@Sunshine-yk2eg I love Salma Hindy's TedX on people pleasing! Hear Hear! She said it right about parents too.

[@Zenigma217]

Congratulations on overcoming all the issues and getting to be comfortable with who you are, and not what people want you to be!

[@samuelkirinyet8356]

Thank you Rinku, imagine it had taken me 3 decades to find you, i have always had a feeling that one day someone would come along and give me the answers to the problems i have been facing in my life. Now i feel liberated and happy. Kindly visit more and more people and give them this messenger. It is liberating. Thank you.

[@SawRinku]

Thank you

[@ezazkhan4233]

right

[@ezazkhan4233]

what sloution bro

[@javithrazvi7453]

People Pleasing Syndrome - Finally I got a good name to address my nature. Thank you Rinku. I am amazed by both your language and the core subject of the speech. I wouldn't say from today onward I am gonna change this habit. Because its not a habit. This nature is the most deep rooted one which we cant easily have a good control on unless we are aware of it throughout the time we deal with people. Actually, the first challenge is to hear what really our heart says. The truth our heart wants is so subtle that we have to be in peace to hear the true demand of our heart. Its an Art to say NO when it is required because first of all knowing what we want itself is a challenge as we are implanted with this nature for decades since our birth. However, towards excellence is the mission of life and let us learn the art asap without losing hope. Cheers my dear guys over there with PPS.

[@devendra-2095]

Javith...Nice and ur english is very good.

[@simpleliving3795]

Very nicely put 👏

[@SawRinku]

Javith and others, thank you for your comments and engagement. There are some very trivial and overlooked behaviors which generally hamper our growth in career and in life. I have written about such behaviors in a book. My book, "My Life I Decide" is now available on Amazon worldwide in Print and Kindle formats. If you love my talks, the book is better. Do pick up a copy and it would really be helpful.

[@gajananpunjapwar3919]

Me also 🤗

[@lakshaydulani]

your "yes" will have a lot more value when you learn the art of saying "no".. nicely said

[@SawRinku]

Thank you. Do look for more videos on my youtube channel.

[@vijendrabhargava07]

@@SawRinku Mam, I have found myself in your talks.Thank you for such a wonderful speech.

[@yogitasingh9311]

One thing I realised through her is that it's so important to acknowledge our flaws and work on them. Letting go of the idea that we're perfect and the issue lies with the world. But the truth is we attract what we are !

[@dorothyonyango6575]

I'm here in 2024 and so glad I listened to this TED talk! Such an eye opener and enlightening too, for me the people pleaser and enabler. Rinku is such a blessing.

[@graceflorence1244]

Say no wen u want to.. with no excuse rather. I would have really loved to.. Practice self love. accept and approve of yourself Be authentic about your feelings. Share your opinions and be true to your feelings speak up on what hurts u in a respectful way. Don't be afraid to loose people be afraid to loose yourself. When u accept you're self the world will follow suit. Be willing to leave on your own terms and improve your self esteem. Whenever u r saying yes to others make sure you are not saying no to you're self.

[@tanujadon]

This is so me.. it reminds me of all the things i did to please people and in return i got nothing except for loosing my self respect..Thankyou so much Rinku for this beautiful speech

[@learnengthroughstories]

Ma'am, this is my story too. I faced the same challenges at work. Its really painful when people take us for granted. I have been wired in such a way that if my yes can make others happy then it is fine. I thought having an innocent kind image gives love in return. I was wrong

[@nasarhussain8396]

I believe this pleasing syndrome is a hrash outcome of present society and its structure. But, since it is a problem we got to have a solution and come out of it as quickly as possible. World is in huge scarcity of intellectual diversity, so we need to stop this mimicking behaviour which is very much prevalent in India. If it is not possible or difficult, try to learn from nature like; its diversity, wellbeing of all flora and fauna, rejuvenating capicity. Good luck, i hope they will discover themselves very soon. In the present civilisation there are numerous ways by which any body can achieve whatever he/she desires.😎..

[@neollalobo]

There's no room for naive people dear. Forget the past..request God for wisdom for your day to day life and long term plans.

[@championschoiceas2085]

Sruthi_Happy soul me too

[@ravichandra3210]

It is a hard fact to digest that most humans around us are ungreatful pricks who deserve zero respect n kindness.

[@TheKarankansal]

Sruthi_Happy soul just follow your work path.

[@tejeshB19]

First time KZbin recommendation has recommended correctly. Thanks a lot KZbin. Thanks a lot Rinku for the root cause and the solution.

[@SawRinku]

Teja, thank you for your comments and engagement. There are some very trivial and overlooked behaviors which generally hamper our growth in career and in life. I have written about such behaviors in a book. My book, "My Life I Decide" is now available on Amazon worldwide in Print and Kindle formats. If you love my talks, the book is better. Do pick up a copy and it would really be helpful.

[@suryaprasadam.b6368]

I m also people pleaser Now I realized.... I will be myself... Thank you very much madam

[@SawRinku]

Thank you

[@chetanshahi7061]

World would treat you the way you treat yourself wow wonderful line .

[@sowmyasunil8967]

I am old Rinku & suffering from people pleasing syndrome. Couldnt stop writing comment before listening to complete talk.

[@jonatafontela5595]

When we change the inside, the mind, everything around us change as well. She's amazing!

[@shrutimehta4351]

You go girl👍👍what a talk! almost every woman's story..

[@rahulkambale2627]

I think it is a issue of mine.

[@hasibullahwardak4514]

ma'am when I was listening you the last 20 minutes I was thinking, that someone else is telling my history to me thank you

[@yordanosteklehaimanot3752]

This is all about me Is there any one like me tooo kind to other but( rejected)hurts yourself. I have realized that is all me Thank sis for your shared your story.

[@nitin5066]

Ms. Rinku thank you so much for eye opening speech I have been doing this people pleasing since so many years and your thoughts gaves me right direction to overcome success barriers.

[@SawRinku]

Nitin, thank you for your comments and engagement. There are some very trivial and overlooked behaviors which generally hamper our growth in career and in life. I have written about such behaviors in a book. My book, "My Life I Decide" is now available on Amazon worldwide in Print and Kindle formats. If you love my talks, the book is better. Do pick up a copy and it would really be helpful.

[@sudhamuralidharan6574]

Wonderful. You reflect me. Now I dont bother about others. I am at peace. But still dont open up to anyone. Best thing is looking inside n be a witness as Lord Krishna said. Tq

[@TFTReels]

9:49 Amazingly explained mam - when heart is saying no but we keep saying yes from outside..this is completely people pleasing..Great

[@ghadaradwan3384]

It’s like I’ve finally understood myself !! Till this day I didn’t know what was making me so unhappy . When u r a people pleaser you are so vulnerable and fragile . Because u expect people to treat you like u treat them . I wish I can be as strong as u Ms.Rinku . I hope I can free myself from this chronic “illness”. Thank u very much .

[@geetikachandna6105]

An eye-opener indeed!

[@varshinikaithapuram6189]

Totally totally totally could relate to this! It seemed like my inner self is telling me what i am, throughout the talk.And yes, I am trying to move away the "people pleasing syndrome" from my life. A truly motivational talk!!!

[@ankitaahuja111]

I am not a people pleaser but was once a very blunt person. I realized saying direct No affected my friendships and relations. I have very very limited friends but still, feel the ones who can manipulate others and become people pleasers have more friends but after this video, I think, inside they are all alone. Sad but true.. In the end, you have no one except yourself.

[@lovingme6896]

I knew I needed to change now! I have been a people please my whole life. The first thing I would say in interviews was that i’m so sweet and kind and I love to help people. Which is true to some extent.. but starting a new job, I am a few months in and completely exhausted. It seems like every job I have, I want to quit. It’s always every one else’s fault. I realized it’s me. I say yes to everything. Just like you said, my heart says no, but my outside says yes. I started to hold grudges with people thinking they knew I was exhausted and why are they having me do all of this work? I thought I am the one saying yes! They learned through me to always ask me things because I say yes! I am sick and tired of faking and not being true to myself. Always agreeing, nodding my head and talking in the sweetest voice which is NOT EVEN MY REAL VOICE AT ALL. I realized i’m being fake and a people pleaser. I cannot do this anymore because my mental health is on the line. I started saying no at work and feel so good. It’s only the beginning and yes I do feel like people hate me which isnt the case lol but this pattern has played out in so many other parts of my life which has shaped me into the person I don’t want to be. Time for some remolding!!!!!!!

[@SawRinku]

Thank you Kay. Awareness is the first step to change, and you have already begun. God bless.

[@ajaykumar-nz4cm]

There is no love greater than self love ,no respect greater than self esteem . Following our own mind & soul is greatest acheivement of life i.e true

[@user-bd8wq9kf4l]

Very true...people pleasing can cost our life..

[@arpitatambe971]

It's mine story too.. Today I awoke with depressed mood but your thoughts became like tonic for me... thanks a lot ...

[@rahulkambale2627]

In my case, this thing is at peak, due to which I am suffering from clinical depression.

[@DanishAnsari-zz3cn]

Arpita tambe hii miss wrong

[@SawRinku]

Friends, thank you for your comments and engagement. There are some very trivial and overlooked behaviors which generally hamper our growth in career and in life. I have written about such behaviors in a book. My book, "My Life I Decide" is now available on Amazon worldwide in Print and Kindle formats. If you love my talks, the book is better. Do pick up a copy and it would really be helpful.

[@anandsanglikar1884]

Rinku, Nicely told most Imp msg बहुत जरूरी होता है खुद से प्यार करके जीना और उसके साथ खुद का Learning भी होना जरूरी होता है।

[@kalaivanymuniandy7957]

I'm searching why I can't get recognised even I put so much effort. Now you open my eyes.. Being female leader I being pleased to everybody...as you said, it is syndrome from childhood,,, oh god, I got the answer for you.... Thank you very much... Your story matching me🙏

[@funmilayogbokoyi7363]

Love yourself, treat yourself with love and respect and the world will follow suit Be bold enough to live your life on your own terms Thank you so much for sharing

[@mariangie1544]

Precise, concise and very clearly expressed as an engineer. Thanks you have helped me. May God bless you! I have tears in my eyes, but of happiness, I get it.

[@SawRinku]

Awesome.

[@svdfxd]

I could totally relate to your story. Even I have been consciously taking steps not be a people pleaser. At times even when you help someone for long period of time, people tend to take you for granted. I need to work on this. And yes saying 'No' is big part of this. The first time I did it, it took lot of courage to say No.

[@maenowwesleymotuba7516]

Use to suffer from People pleaser syndrome. When I changed family and friends say, "I am very stubborn and adamant to change". Just a few days ago a friend of mind thought I disrespected another friend just because I did not want to be part of their plan.

[@nishavasudevan]

Very true I have had this issue and realized this much later in life. 200% true and amazing talk. Only in movies we see the good wins over the bad and is handed over the trophy for all the goodness embodied and wins the heart of the prince charming. But not at all true. We women are brought up teaching us to be good always and be down to earth kind and agreeable etc etc etc

[@stillwatersnightsky6533]

Same here Nisha.. I realised this much much later in life......

[@asraotuni]

Great talk. Other readers - There is a book called "Dont say yes, when you want to say No". It helps to comeout of people pleaing syndrome.

[@globalfriendscorner]

Watching this changed my whole outlook!!! Because I have people pleased for so long I lost myself

[@amychueh2450]

I am trapped in this kind of situation for my whole life, and I feel lucky that I can hear your talk. I think that I am ready for change. Thank you!

[@LizaMinenkova]

Really great point that if you aren't honest with people your relationships will be superficial.

[@samanabhattarai4439]

Oh god.. this is exactly the way i feel.. i am so so similar to this lady.. thank you so much for delivering your experience maam.. i hope for the original version of myself to thrive😊

[@safiyajan1832]

Your past story is my present story I want to over come this . I feel your speech .

[@sasagalal]

One of the best Ted talks, thank you 🙏

[@geetikasawhney7527]

A very powerful talk.... Must watch for everyone.... Teaches us about the power to say NO and not be a people pleasure when your heart is saying a big no ...

[@aritadas8886]

This is very serious issue which is highlighted here . Somewhere I also suffer the similar thing in my teenage ... Conclusion is this only that be the boss of your own life....

[@shanniah03]

Thank you for your life learning story. I am a people pleaser and I have realized that I am loving others more than myself which is not right at all. I promise to start loving and respect and myself enough.

[@mohsinrasool9086]

Thanks for sharing! Anyone else facing this in their life may also search word/behaviour/response : Fawn (it is fourth response in list of Fight/Flight/Freeze/Fawn)

[@tusharkumar1863]

It's true mam we are the one who teaches the world how to treat us... MUST WATCH FOR EVERYONE

[@udayasrithanigundala8840]

😢☺Its like you are telling each and everything about me. Can totally relate to you ma'am... So impressed

[@CS-IT116]

I relate my self to this story now listening this story I am continuously trying to no more pleaser.this is really bad for ourselves

[@imbunny07]

Sadly Agreed about said point and I'm working on it by saying no for unwanted work and people

[@faithoverfear9055]

Thank you for helping me realise what has been happening in my life too. I could never understand why everyone close to me would take me for granted and disrespect me. "its the barrier to sabotage my happiness" liberation. x

[@dhenuholisticconcepts585]

One of best and truly profound talk on TEDx, thanks a lot Madam

[@khushbooshivhare5530]

Thankuu RINKU mam, Excellent speech I'm waiting for such ,since a very long time.

[@faizaurmi1522]

Respect Rinku Sawhney. You just told my story.

[@manojputhran4477]

stories tell us help everybody , be nice , love everybody etc etc but in real life people take advantage & we end up unhappy . good talk

[@proudindian6861]

जिंदगी में मजा तो तब आता है... जब आप जो सोचते हो, कहते हो aur जो करते हो वो "एक" हो...!!!

[@hemasharma6364]

U spoke out my feelings. I thought that I am being kind and polite with others but then i have to be kind to myself first.

[@haifajs482]

Amazingly true...you could write a book on this

[@SawRinku]

Thank you. Do look for more videos on my youtube channel. The book is in publishing.

[@Rosary361]

Great speech, thanks

[@mohammadsohal1246]

I know the feeling what you told. Thank you for sharing everything. Now I am going to take action .

[@swamivishalanand]

In my opinion whats most important in ones decision in life is, always, what your Dharm or inner-conscience says. Acts must not be influenced by what other would think or what would please them but sometimes it's correcting the wrong. Keep inspiring.

[@sachinsachin4986]

I really found my whole life, myself in this 1 video. Yes I was people pleaser. Really thanks mam for such a eye opening talk... 👍👍🙂

[@SawRinku]

Thank you

[@anilbilgi6267]

Madam, your talk helped me to introspect myself. Myself being a people pleaser has led to many problems for my self. I have started to realign myself !!!!!

[@ruhsarvarlioglu5143]

Just wonderful 👌🏻

[@svasudhasarangapani7678]

One of the best speeches I I have ever had !! And absolutely my story too !! Thanks

[@Anurag-st7wl]

Very inspiring and packed with takeaways. It takes courage to share such a personal story with everyone. I'm glad you shared.

[@sudhaswayamprava8502]

finally I got the answer .the best solution of my story....thank you maam...

[@farooqnajeeb]

She is such an awesome lady, her revelation about her people pleasing syndrome recovery journey is loveable & it really opened my eyes and my heart.

[@aadireddypessani3571]

Mind blowing Madam, many people, who came from villages, they are not expressive, they hide their feelings, they hide their valuable thoughts. So, lack of interaction with the people,If they meet new people r colleagues, they are not much active to share their feelings. Many times they say" no,"but they feel actually "Yes" and they say "yes"even though they don't like it. It's a new and facinate word "Pleaser". I am very thankful to you to give this speech. Thank you very much.

[@r.5664]

Accept and approve yourself ........nice message

[@kuldeepviraniify]

Clap clap. Now at this age I realized how I should behave. Thank you dear, for your guidance. God bless you.

[@chenduthangam7814]

Amazing.... just awesome....I would love to watch this daily before going to my office....

[@sakinafaiz6845]

Thanks a lot for sharing this mam.. People pleasing syndrome is a problem I suffered with for years until I also came to the realization that it was a problem with me and not the others. I could totally relate to your story..

[@palomabohn9423]

Wow, amazing! I can identify so much with what you have been through because of this awful syndrome, I need this out of my life!

[@swatisharma5923]

I can relate to this completely. It’s really depressing when people take you for granted. Thanks for giving such a wonderful speech. I hope I can implement some of your advices in my day to day life.

[@ezazkhan4233]

right

[@adextrmesextremesarejustth2699]

Very eloquently put. This is such a revelation. You represent the feelings of many suppressed individuals trying to find acceptance. Kudos to you and more power to you! Great job Mam!

[@d.p.trivedi]

Ten years too late for me. But so relatable.

[@humanbeing8531]

Even if it affects, I say no when it is no for me. And if I say yes as we always do, I must do it. Then it becomes responsibility. Thank you for this nice video.

[@syedjafferimam5789]

Mental issues affecting stomach is so damn true. Kudos to this 'Intelligent' woman for overcoming her People Pleasing syndrome. Class Speech!

[@Lisa-lo1on]

Thanku so much

[@pallavisreetambraparni6995]

rinkuji you have opened my eyes

[@shrijasreedharan8844]

Your words inspired me a lot...Even I have the potential to do my work perfectly and have a very good qualification.But the people pleasing syndrome is a disease.Even I have started to say back what ever Ifeel from my heart. Thank you friend

[@sd1325]

Thank you Rinku!!!! You are a so wise and intelligent. The takers place a heavy burden on the givers if we let them!

[@pallavisreetambraparni6995]

very true

[@priyankak6748]

Once upon a time Me too people pleaser. As like her life i am also face one incident. It gives clue to think about who am I and what i really want. And now i am in my first stage of my dream. One day I will hunt my dream. This video gave the wonderful fuel to lead my self as like me. Thank you Rinku. Love u lotttt.

[@anjusingla5366]

abhi tk ke best views that i hv ever listened 💯💯💯💯💯💯💯🙏