Are You Attached to Your Suffering?

[@seemranhoro]

"Most suffering is self created. You can learn to make your body and your mind work for you, not against you."

[@SphericalShades]

Can u explain how does that conclusion works,,

[@RobinDivine777]

This sounds like a message for myself, I understand in my past I've perpetuated my suffering and victimhood identity because it kept me safe, avoidant of my fears and I dare say too comfortable as well. We live in a culture of attachments to suffering and victimhood.

[@deadreckoning6288]

Truth. It's a pattern I'm trying to shift in myself.

[@stretchmarks1025]

It is a message for the "self" not myself. We all go through these issues. The same way dogs bark or how fish swim. We are bound by these human experiences.

[@1e0s]

Brilliantly articulated without judgement. Thank You

[@k.k.9897]

It's a hard truth, but when I got out of my own way life changed for the better. Thank you, again . Be well.

[@MargrietS]

I try to give as much love to the victim in me as I possibly can. And she doesn’t have to change. She doesn’t have to leave or go anywhere. She can just be who she is. And meanwhile I’m trying to heal, but no pressure. Because we are human, and we have feelings. And we need time to heal.

[@howardcohen6817]

It's funny, but, although I have often felt the need to heal, I've never noticed that I've healed. I remember competing in a basketball tournament. Afterwards, they discovered two broken ribs and meniscus damage. But the ball called to me and I responded as do the moths to the ceiling light. I wish you great healing. Love.

[@naig2956]

💗💗💗

[@jotilochun80]

Its that victim that gave birth to the fearless you! You wouldn't be where you are without her. Thank her for all that she expanded you to become. For she catapulted you into your power! Go girl ❤

[@daryljohnson3945]

You hit the nail on the head with me, this has been happening for 60 years, and I just now see it.

[@Katyayanibetha]

Very good insight, and I am sure this is true in some people's cases, but please allow me to state a reminder that just because it's true in some people's cases, please NEVER assume that it's true in everyone's case, maybe not even true in MOST people's cases. Often, when someone genuinely needs help, people like to assume they are creating their own suffering, and then lean on that assumption in order to ignore the person who genuinely needs and deserves help in good conscience. Always make inquiries rather than assumptions. Some people definitely like to reinforce their own ego by finding reasons to look down on others who are suffering, too.

[@alysmarcus7747]

as a survivor of long term abuse, chaos becomes your normal. being still is unheard of being safe is uncomforable. it takes a long time to clear that. There are many reasons why the attachment stays and it's not always , 'i am owed something better' - and i disagree with the staying a victim because it's easy - - - This is a bit arrogant because childhood abuse survivors that don't become addicts are 'super responsible' from having to be so from so young an age.

[@howardcohen6817]

But regardless of someone else's misuse of power when I was a child, I, as an adult, now, don't have to keep proving them right or substantiating their power.

[@alysmarcus7747]

@@howardcohen6817 true enough, but it's hard to control reactions in a moment of surprise or danger. and yes, it makes me angry that that 'power or lack of it is there

[@howardcohen6817]

​ @alysmarcus7747 May I suggest not getting angry but instead using the frustration as a basis for change, thinking up ways to interfere, block and filter before you get scared and anxious? My father was a sadistic tickler. Now, this seems harmless enough, but it wasn't at all harmless, back then. The situation began to repeat itself with my first-born. While changing his diaper I realized that I wasn't offering him tickles in a healthy way. The alternative was to stop tickling, which is also not appropriate or loving. Instead, I hung a jumping-jack near his table on which string he pulled when he wanted to be tickled. After a fashion I got the feel of healthy tickling, understood what the healthy tickling was and its joys and when my second son was born, I didn't need this device of secondary information - I was now able to get the information directly from my son. My (now adult) sons have millions of things which still upset them about their upbringing with me, but they do not think of me as having been a sadistic tickler like my father was. I spend a lot of energy finding ways not to do things which I had learned to do but now think of as being unhealthy, ignorant and downright mean. I catch myself all the time with racist, sexist, nationalistic, rich-ist etc. thoughts. How could this be any different as my thoughts reflect the culture in which they were born, formulated and developed - long before I even got here. Even my intermediate solutions are couched in this thought, but are nevertheless paths out of this quagmire - until we permanently change. That my boss at work exhibited some of these - ahem - tendencies gave me pause throughout my career. I was ultimately able to laugh these off (while protecting my co-workers) as part of a cosmic joke found everywhere. Trying to make me pay for being alive is silly - especially from him. "Good As Gold" by Joseph Heller ("Catch 22") is a funny mind-opener on this. Now that I'm retired for over 2 years, I only "use" this person as a metaphor - as I'm doing right now. I'm very glad not to be him. He has no power. He should live and be happy. This is my decision to make - or yours - and not his. Sorry for the length of this comment, but I'm impressed by your predicament and your desire to change. I can certainly identify with your frustration with yourself and I encourage you to be kinder to yourself. You have, it seems, come a very long way. Solving the conflicts involved in living is part and parcel of the great joy of living. This however, presupposes existence of these conflicts - or others - and these are not to be disparaged. Do you know what I mean? I suggest leaning in to them with joy and confidence and not anxiousness and self-doubt. Love.

[@howardcohen6817]

...joy and confidence and not >>>avoiding them through

[@alysmarcus7747]

@@howardcohen6817 well, obviously when i can i do. and i suppose i should have said frustrated instead, anger is quite a different emotion

[@namratadesai4048]

V powerful statements & hate to admit but so true. 1. Being a victim can be a convenient excuse 2. Our suffering becomes our currency 3. Our suffg is excusing us from taking responsibility for ourself/ our life 4. Suffg feels safe so we don't hv to step out into the unknown & face our fears 5. Ego thrives on suffering. It is the sense of self-imp that gives rise to suffering 6. As long as suffg is feeding ur ego it continues to hv a hold on u making u resentful & refusing u to take responsibility. Thus reinforcing ur ego. Thank U v much for opening my eyes 🙏🙏🙏

[@geeblock6789]

You hit so deep with truths man.. can see how it's hard to watch your videos

[@buppie0140]

Bro for real. I’ve been wanting to hear someone speak about this. This past year of my life has been difficult. I got a job that really flipped my whole life upside down. Yet I felt/feel that the suffering I get from it will make me stronger or something or “wiser”. I feel like I’m holding onto it. And it’s caused a lot of hell. Like I want change I want flow. I feel like I’m stuck a lot of the time especially when I’m at my job or during the work week. Yet there is also the feeling of escapism that I don’t want to act upon. It’s such a weird situation. Thanks for covering this. It really does feel like this uncomfortable comfort

[@lifeawakeningwithdr.l.n.mishra]

As a matter of fact we are emotionally attached to our unpleasant memories. The more we resist, the more it persists. Human beings are not only social beings, we are also emotional beings. We have become addicted to our unpleasant memories. Be emotional but be rational also keeping in mind that life needs expansion. Thanks for this life awakening talk.

[@richoneplanet7561]

Love this concept! It's similar to finding more comfort in depression because you're used to it rather than actually searching for joy. Great video

[@meditationamsterdam]

It's very simple: only a triggered wound can be healed. The question is are we on a repetitive trigger cycle, or using the experience for a much needed reckoning and release.

[@jada5229]

wow yes. i struggled with a cycle of depression for years. im definitely still on the journey of healing, but when things get too good for me I find a reason to be sad. I do feel an attachment to sadness because it seems like that’s all i know.❤

[@who_we_are______5926]

I have the opposite problem, I really don't like victim mentality and I am too aware of it in others. My family is so much like that which is repulsive honestly so I feel no desire to connect with them. Which creates this paradox where I desperately want connection but am paralyzed because I just don't know where to start.

[@helenluceyatkins7290]

So good to hear from you. Your wisdom and insights blow me away. Thank you so much for these inspiring messages. Blessings to you always

[@namratadesai4048]

Excellent x3. When I think I am a victim of my habit I refuse to change, & I think I am helpless. That is causing so much suffering. That habitual pattern of thinking has created such a strong identity that I keep (suffg) x3. Gratitude

[@sanantoniotonight5569]

So timely…..bravo

[@judyj2551]

I listened .. and there I was .

[@devil_pls]

this is one of my favorite video's from you so far

[@adikeys]

Gratitude ❤🙏

[@LisaBoulders]

"When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." Thank you.

[@jotilochun80]

Gosh yes! I could be using my experience of my suffering to recognise it in others and give them the nurturing or space I wished I had given to myself. Its actually so simple but I guess I'd never have come to this realisation without being told it. Makes me wonder what other incredibly obvious things I do that I'd change if I were just to look differently, from a wider perspective, from a less self centred place. Appreciate the video ❤

[@8no1likeme-infinitestar65]

Thank you ❤

[@5machaboveatmosphere775]

Im in the state of,, I am Quite Spiritual and can apply the Art of letting go better,, But in the world, Which not that easy Im getting used to letting go things,, Even problem or goal i have, Things i shouldve done With Striving and Grinding,, Now ive doctrinized to Be easy on ANYTHING, I want to balance my Inner world And Outer World

[@ABCDuwachui]

❤thank you

[@LoLCoachGabi]

thanks bless and be blessed

[@Gaurav.P0]

Beautiful ❤

[@JussiTuukkanen]

Most interesting

[@johna1811]

Very few but certain sufferings I do put myself through consciously if I've not learned something from it, that's true it's not always subconscious at least not for me.

[@eljeer123]

This was very helpful to me and what I've been feeling the last 24 hours.

[@deborahdefranco5988]

❤

[@motherearth9290]

I wonder if you would be willing to do a video on ways to combat doing this to ourselves... even some affirmations that could assist world be very uplifting as an answer to this kind of self awareness.. thank you!🌈💚🌻

[@MadisonMitchell-e2l]

Im not suffering.... Im sufficient

[@OfficialGiannaAurora]

I never used my trauma to get attention, I get lost in who I was conditioned to be. I try to save everything and everyone except myself. I don't know who I am, I'm so used to people telling me who to be. Now that I'm free I'm very lost. 😮‍💨

[@howardcohen6817]

Love.

[@OfficialGiannaAurora]

@@howardcohen6817 Love what? Can you please elaborate?

[@howardcohen6817]

@@OfficialGiannaAurora Just expressing my feelings for you in your expression of your feelings concerning your situation. Feeling lost is no picnic, but if you've got nowhere to go it's not all that bad not to get there. I haven't been lost for quite a while, now, but I often let myself get inspired by things around me which I either hadn't seen up to now or are suddenly there calling me to discover them. The Blackberries are growing very well across the way and chamomile plants have reappeared in the cracks of the sidewalks - they've been gone for over 30 years, now. Watching Thriller (Boris Karloff) and hearing Jerry Goldsmith's fantastic string quartet for the very first time consciously is amazing. Of course, I had to sacrifice some concentration in watching the film - but no matter ("The Grim Reaper"). Do you see what I'm saying? What are your plans/hopes with this newly found freedom?

[@parry3231]

❤you are the only person who has the ability to define you. Be the person who you admire and what to be. Learn to love yourself. Be kind and nurturing in gentleness and tenderness for yourself. Be honest with yourself. Focus on the beauty around you and what is beneficial for your health care and enjoyment. Be respectful and develop your integrity and be appreciative of the many different blessings that exist now in your life. We all are worthy of love and kindness ❤ When you are comfortable with yourself and believe in the creativity and the grace of your own unique heart's purpose you can find the energies of treating others with respect and kindness in compassion and empathy. You have to practice the listing of your own appreciative feelings of being alive with gratitude. Simply being present and alive, having a drink of fresh water, a great gift of love without judgment or regrets, being here now, and other things that are happening and how grateful you are for all of the situations. Remaining steadfast in your love for all life and the environment and the people who exist in our world. Thoughtfulness and intentions matter greatly. Enjoy and stay grounded in love for each precious instant of life unfolding in the mystery of life unfolding. Peace and understanding through your heart and your desire for happiness and well-being. Now is the time that matters. Every single moment is a new beginning. ❤

[@christinemott8799]

Yes i wonder

[@miguelangelous]

The key is at 3:45 currency

[@chromatinkiss]

As someone who's studying psychology and has a long history of depression, I've wondered for sometime if part or a good chunk of my self-rumination is narcissistic. I've thought of myself as a good person ever since I was young, but the more I look into it, I find a lot of problematic things about myself. But then that may be the narcissistic side of me (ego). While there are different types of narcissists, I wonder if depressed people have some sort of covert narcissism within them. This video feels like it's validating some of my thoughts on the matter though I'm not sure.

[@AwakenInsight]

I think we all have a little bit of narcissism in us. We all think we're the center of the universe sometimes. And maybe we are. But maybe we just fail to see that so is everyone else.

[@carmellarkin4803]

Can't get past the death of my daughter. Just doesn't make sense,

[@AwakenInsight]

I can only imagine how difficult that must be for you. Don't try to get past the grief. Allow yourself whatever time you need to grieve. But don't lose yourself in it. Make sure you're taking care of yourself and eating well (even when you don't feel like it).

[@parry3231]

❤ She would want you to enjoy your life regardless of the circumstances of her death. You will find the joy of sharing your memories with her and to celebrate the many blessings that you have gained from this love that you shared together ❤ The grief of your loss is always a part of you. It will gradually become a true blessing to you in the remembrance of the blessings that you have been given in life with the focus on gratitude and love that persists and is eternal and everlasting and it is healing ❤ You are absolutely fortunate to have had such a wonderful gift of heart and a child who is always the result of love and devotion! Honoring the many different blessings and the grace of being present and knowing the love that persists

[@howardcohen6817]

Hi Nada! Even in the moments of self-doubt and feelings of not being enough, this "suffering" comes through as a kind of substitute for healthy involvement and must be made even stronger to counter these existing feelings - very much as a drowning person thrashes around regardless of the drowning being caused or one's ability to swim. Your understandings of how the attachment to our suffering causes even more suffering and disallows change in the default-attitude holds true in many cases. One you didn't mention is the way suffering allows someone the opportunity to at least have/own the cause of the suffering even though it's painful. Yes, she's not the person for me and did me wrong, but by suffering I can still hold on to her. If I changed my attitude, I might very well have to let go of her - so one prefers to suffer this pain instead of possibly leading a happy life. One might be called to give up on a parent or on a failed romance. Not to forget the others who are encouraging the "sufferer" not to change ("He's your father, give him another chance." or "She's such a sweet person, how can you be so selfishly cruel?") without recognizing and appreciating your efforts of reaching out for a joyful life without these people in it. Finally, there's the attachment to the suffering of the attachment to the suffering etc. so that no one can know which is which and where this has all begun. It defines one's life to such an extent that until one sees what might be possible and ultimately tries it, one remains stuck in this pin-ball machine of suffering and attachment. The privileged irony of the tenor singing Lieder with a beautiful voice and singing of the romantic songs filled with his figure's attachment to suffering are totally lost on the singer and his audience. However, this art only works its "magic" if the audience wants to accept suffering pain as the default-attitude in one's life. Life is not my opportunity to prove my existence or my importance. I'm there to more or less enjoy the fruits of existence and to share these joyfully with others. Love.

[@howardcohen6817]

Thank you for the video.

[@hamzzashaffi]

Thank you, Nada! :)

[@Hanna-rt1lj]

♥

[@birgitgruhn5694]

❤thank you.

[@zahreenasimone7303]

OMG-this is pretty real stuff. Thanx for voicing the truth. The question is can we handle it? Namaste.

[@claudiaschneider5744]

Childhood abuse, rape, murder, sickness und heavy illness is never self created - and there are disabillities which can never be healed while you are still living on this planet....

[@parry3231]

Love heals ❤ Everything that happens in our lives is a opportunity for learning 🙏 ✨ 😌 💯 Even in the worst case scenario we can still be present in our own unique selves with gratitude for being alive. Realizing that the ability to be present and loving to ourselves and to others is a delightful blessing. It is a constant realization of how to be unchackled by the past injustices and cruelties and the profound impact of loss and pain in our lives with the constant love and understanding that brings us into a place of communion with spirit and joy and peace .We all have the choice to be joyous and to learn from our mistakes ,hardships and difficulties. No one is going to have a life that is without any injuries or any type of constricting energies that are creating a sense of trauma and confusion with helplessness. We have to understand the need for change and creating a new start and the will to be the person who is not defined by any of these issues or by any outside influences or people's opinions and their actions. You are absolutely worthy of love and kindness and respect. Give it to yourself and to maintain your own heart felt energies in honoring your own personal life with loving kindness ❤❤

[@plantmama7442]

A hard truth, but so true. Thank you

[@bankscam]

Thank you for sharing your wisdom .

[@jamesjohn1850]

Much needed teaching for myself and this entitled world I live in. Thanks for clarifying. Very helpful.

[@nanetteaddesso7560]

What’s the next step? Okay..I know I do this….now what? Breathe? Accept? …so hard 😞… feels like every other thought invokes sufferring . love you Nada❤

[@drew-shourd]

Very good, many suffer from this and need to hear it. Imo, the words, entitlement, offended and triggered, are words that need to be downgraded in regard to social importance, none of those are ''poor you, here's a cookie' words, because we all have or will experience them, and we ALL need to learn to deal with it. Most of us knew serious drama before we were ten years old, some hold on to the need of drama in their lives, to the point that they create it themselves. I am a Buddhist, and Buddhism teaches one to be 100% responsible for their own happiness, their own sadness, and to be fully responsible for their own actions and especially reactions. Imo, most religions miss this mark, whenever there is a god to praise and a devil to curse, one easily takes no blame. It doesn't help that western society supports this way of handling our insecurities, through fear-based religions, continued dysfunctional parenting and weak cookie cutter educational systems.

[@Ghu649]

Nada: you are right on!! Thanks for sharing your wisdom.

[@florencealbano1141]

Amor Fati Be blessed

[@ianmoseley2475]

thank you for these offerings that you create for everyone, i receive a lot of value from them.

[@DJSTOEK]

❤❤

[@jhouriet]

☺️

[@gmandadude806]

Nadia You Just Gave Me An Incredible Insight And Realization, I Just Want To Hug You Man!

[@EzekielD69420]

I used to call it "Walking around comfortably on fire." Finally able to let it all go and at 33, I know peace.