Are You The Narcissist? 5 Ways To Find Out

[@renegadetherapper]

I used to think I was a narcissist. Then I realized that actually, I was coping with the narcissistic abuse I had faced for so long & took on certain narcissistic characteristics but did NOT have a personality disorder. This level of awareness has humbled me tremendously.

[@davidmurphy619]

OK I finally found a description of what I am going through.. ouch ... You hit de nail on de head .... My first 33 I was Senate Finance Chairs nephew .. the narcissist who left the trail of wreck and ruin was entitled all right . I can only tell you cuz they all passed . Mom was COG Command ... Gramps golfed with Ike . Grams cousin Huey is an assassinated presidential candidate. . We are all Masons . Moms boss is the emergency Prez if we get nuked. His son and my brother invent antigravity and men in black and the emergency Prez son is murdered . This is 50.years ago. I was at the time the pro gunman on Az largest cattle concern . Kissinger and Chase flew in from China Accords . I was evaced to Ft. Whipple whole mother and Col. Whitman autopsy his son Roy. Soon after 8 marriages and 6 gvt transfers she married an Iran Contra Arms Dealer . Billionaire pretending to be a psych nurse at the big fed puzzle House Roseburg . They dispatch killers in taxis . Come back to the nuthouse and are unindictable . Oh Jesus owns a own with the harbor and airport and all of it . He's a billionaire ... Now if you don't think this won't do a number on you .... Well I guess it has to happen to someone . After all this happened I broke 24 bones ended up in Col Whitman's VA . 18 months later I walked out . Twenty years later a Gurdiev Ouspenski grad knocked on my door for death therapy talked me out of it healed the cancer healed the dialysis healed the infection and taught me a strange form of meditation . I started becoming quite psychic . Then bad health returned and I am now 69 and about to go back to work . I have learned ultimate secrets of health and am now totally frustrated watching all my school chums ....not listen and die . Masons live to 120. We know the secrets . WE share them .. and then ...ultimately bury each other with great respect. Nobody lives forever ... Or do they . So there are two kinds of Narcissist the narcissist and the codependent of the narc . Most of us are the victim . The codependent . The real narcissist doesn't give a shit ... That's the only difference ... I think codendents can lose it and go over . But it's a slow process peel out of the cave and maybe roll back that rock a little and come out in the sun .. that was 30 years ago with her CEO of CODA .... I lived with her 9 years and we.spent dozens of days with Mom and she never even guessed she was the narc . Wow ! This can be insidious . How many narcs at CODA just waiting to marry you ...yuk oh God

[@-lloygic-3565]

I feel like I'm dealing with the same thing. I only realized now after my father's passing how warped my Mom's engagement with and understanding of the world is. A lifetime of knowing her quirks and accommodating them means I built my personality around narcissistic accommodation, and my difficulty in forming or maintaining relationships afterwards is due to my innate model of how emotional obligations work. Not only did this make me come off as a narcissist, it also made me seek out narcissists because they seemed 'normal' for lack of a better word. Additionally, I've started wondering if this narcissistic adaptation I've been living is something that compels narcissists into deeper stages of narcissism, but I suspect that itself is an illusion brought about by the warped personality that I've grown up with. I mean, of course being told that things are innately my fault would lead me to an alternate form of grandiosity where the victim status that narcissists adhere to (and the worsening of their conditions) is somehow -MY- fault.

[@MG-ot2yr]

Same here, I've always felt selfish and not living up to other people's expectations, but came to realize in recent years through personal development, that its the result of narcissistic abuse...more like a built up resistance to it. Had a mother that instilled unreasonable expectations and this intense sense of obligation for her and siblings, then guilt tripped me to manipulate me. So I turned out very withdrawn and introverted with avoidant attachment....basically clingy, needy people freak me out and I run for the hills. I do have a great deal of empathy, I'm always putting myself in others shoes and treat them the way I want to be treated.

[@nicolina1026]

​@-lloygic-3565 I do believe narc adaptation can cause a creation or deeper level of narcissism but specifically in the covert flavor with their propensity for victim martyrhood. The difference is that they aren't self-aware of it.

[@nicolina1026]

​@@-lloygic-3565 First message wouldn't tag you ^

[@bretbye1291]

I was worried I was a narcissist. I guess that means I’m not. I feel a lot better now.

[@Benjy86]

Just because you're worried you're a narcissist does NOT mean you aren't one. That is such a common misconception

[@specUVdust]

It is an indicator that you may not be one. It is not proof, of anything.

[@fakebobbyhill296]

I was worried I was a narcissist. I guess that means I’m not. I feel a lot better now. In fact I feel god like! …

[@royalfishy]

Well bret... I just checked with upper management, turns out you are infact 100% definitely a narcissist!! But the good news... you don't have to worry about it anymore 👍👌 Dont ya just love bubble bursting time!?!? Haha Just fukkin with ya... I have a bad case of "sarcastic ash-hole" syndrome. I heard there might be a cure. But how boring would that be

[@nicoleguss162]

@@fakebobbyhill296lol to funny.

[@TheFith67]

A friend explained to me that, if someone abuses and degrades you, they are simply a c***. Doesn't matter what other label you give them.👌

[@richardgodfrey921]

and they know there C..TS

[@trashcatlinol]

If someone abuses and degrades, do they really have the warmth or depth characteristic of what you mentioned? XD Almost seems too nice of an insult...

[@TheFith67]

@@trashcatlinol Yes, it's a bit like calling Ted Bundy a 'naughty boy'.👌

[@d.l4055]

@@TheFith67 The irony is You still have to factor any point of reference while trying to convey the depth of meaning of any assigned Label. One example might be everyone who's never heard of Bundy and/or the veracity of his exploits. One thing we all struggle with is what we assume others perceive in the vicarious realm.

[@TheFith67]

@@d.l4055 'C**t' will do.😉

[@paulmryglod4802]

Here's what had me worried about myself: 1. Trouble understanding other people's perspective 2. High sensitivity to criticism 3. High test scores in school and military, but low achievement 4. Concerned about myself for a long time 5. Long term depression punctuated by brief lifting of gloom. Went to therapy. Got a neural psych exam formally. Adhd/autism level 1 was the result. Grew up in a dysfunctional house, had maladaptive thinking patterns and beliefs limiting me. So, i do have traits, but not the formal issue.

[@Koozomec]

I have covert narcisstic traits too (hopefully i have also some qualities :) ). Insight is key and helps dedramatizing situations. Therapy was very helpfull. Take care ❤.

[@unwelcomemotivation]

I'm adhd and diagnosed from a young age...Huge sensitivity to rejection and lots of overlap to lots of mental health issues. The thing I find fascinating about adhd is - if parents are emotionally healthy, the kid will show 0 signs of adhd because they learn how to cope effectively...if you grow up with trauma or parents not emotionally healthy - you'll show massive signs of adhd. It's always empowered me - adhd can be really tough - but I think it can be one of the most manageable "issues"

[@OpalDruscilla]

You are the most important person in your life,nothing wrong with thinking about yourself

[@2005tmonkey]

​​@@unwelcomemotivationgreat comment. It helped me

[@danb1314]

​@@OpalDruscillasays Satan himself

[@artistheanswer-fj5kf]

Usually the ones worrying and wondering about these things are the ones who are not the narcissists, and the ones who eventually seek therapy for their traumas. But after so many projections from narcissists, it's only normal to be confused and worried.

[@Guyjharrison]

yeah a simple rule - if you are looking up narcissism then you most likely are not a narcissist. Any narcissist, if they can, would try to convince you narcissism does not exist and they have no ego. I like to ask the narci, which is it, you don't remember or are you lying. Then narci turns the tables and brings up some detail about you to trigger you and take the focus off of them, so I say, ahh look you do have a memory. You have no problem remembering details about my life, but you are clueless and unaware of yours? BS, you are a gd liar. Period.

[@ifgodwasapig]

I see it just as the ones that managed to fuck up badly enough to destroy their own mask and start healing. My parents, while more set in their narcissistic behavior, haven't done much in their personal lives outside of being a shitty parent to have to face their narcissism. I however had to go through years of intense suicidal idealization, extreme patterns of manipulative behavior, psychosis, self harm, drug abuse, financial instability, near death experiences, cheating on "the one" and in the end losing everything that felt precious to me. Even after starting therapy and medication I was still on a drug fueled rampage of self annihilation for months. Confronting my parents and forcing them to confront the realities of how they hurt me helped massively. If you are a self aware narcissist you shouldn't be worried but you should always wonder about them. Without the constant self analysis of behavior the shroud of self deception threatens to obscure reality to the narcissist. It feels like every day I'm undoing the viper nest of my mind and I'm still going to hurt myself and other people but I'm trying. I believe there is hope for all of us but it is exhausting.

[@SIB_COMEDY]

the narcissist in me was really thankful to read that

[@joelhenry5489]

I've had many bad relationships so I did/do worry that the problem is me. And even if I'm not a narcissist the problem can still be me for choosing toxic partners. But I recently reconnected with one of my exes and the way she has rewritten reality to make herself the victim was really telling. Sometimes my crime was responding to what she did to me. They are really messed up people and if you aren't careful they will gaslight you into insanity.

[@joshuablair252]

That's why God put them here. To laugh at their misery

[@neonphoenixoriginal]

Being “punished” for responding, gets even worse when standing up for ourselves. Worst mistake I made was telling them that I know who they are now, so they tried to ruin me and my daughter’s lives. They are truly evil.

[@joancollins3457]

Sounds like you’ve experienced reactive abuse. They do that to gaslight you (and others) into believing you’re the aggressor and they’re the victim.

[@melloncolliemedb]

the narcissist will never forgive you for the things they did to you

[@meldavis2563]

My sister is like this. She is BDP and if things don’t go her way or if you don’t respond to her she goes nuts. I’ve had to block her out of my life. I want absolutely nothing to do with her.

[@Steve197201]

That explanation at 14:27, where Richard explains how people become narcissists was absolutely brilliant. He so succinctly explains how childhood trauma forces the child to develop a grandiose identity just to survive in a traumatic environment. I've never heard it explained so clearly before.

[@Juicinjay]

I was well aware of this childhood trauma scenario for quite sometime but, with my (ex)-wife she would go through phases of accepting this did occur in her childhood (s-abuse) then would later deny it......then confirm it.......then deny it again, saying she'd never mentioned it etc......and on and on it went, total confusion!!! As much as I opened up and tried so damn hard to understand and be compassionate, it was wasted energy........they never change, and even if they have the slightest of 'red-pill' left in them, I don't think they want to!!!

[@chrismullin8304]

What has shocked me is how quickly the combination of trauma and fossil fuel energy, has destroyed our children’s futures. :-(

[@JadeHeartLove]

​@@JuicinjayAgreed. They are now soul eaters for the devil

[@williamtiffee3799]

Excellent video... Succinctly "to the point."

[@justaperson8144]

Then how is it that some don't? My premise is, WHERE is the data? And what about those who DON'T "fit the bill"? YOU claim that he, "so succinctly" explains (your belief, in my opinion) how childhood trauma forces the child to develop a grandiose identity just to survive in a traumatic environment". Just because something "seems" true or valid because of our biases. Doesn't make it TRUE. Here's my premise, those who've NOT had childhood trauma are incredibly APATHETIC. Meaning taught to "not care". I'd say...TAUGHT to be apathetic, Yes, my premise is APATHY , is not only taught but regarded as legit. I AGAIN...call bullsh*t.

[@ivanabeffa2980]

I do fit into a description of a narcisist and fortunatly have had several years of self inquirry to get to a point of addmitting it and to speak clearly about it. Your video touched me deeply in the part where you add a space for compassion for the root of narcisism. I belive the only way to get to our true selves, through the narcisistic sheild, is actually through that little door that opens with compassion. It is the hand we never had in our helpless and lonly childhoods. Thank you!

[@kylekimberlin1783]

God bless you. You deserve love and kindness. You didn't get to choose your parents or your childhood. What you can choose is to work on yourself and, you are. God will heal you and use you. He has big plans for you.

[@kylekimberlin1783]

@mandy7369 ❤️

[@PATISLAV]

I do hope there is a hope for you and all others who did choose this failed defense mechanism as kids. One day we will figure out how to break the curse and people like you are most important in such search.

[@Mack98421]

Yeah I'm done giving narcissistic parasites empathy, you feed on it and exploit people. Figure it out yourself it's not my responsibility to fix your abusive garbage. Take responsibility for your actions, end of story. I don't care about your true self, I don't care about your shield, I don't care about your struggles when you abuse people. You are abusive and show no compassion to anyone then demand compassion back. It's the hand we never hand... boo f'ing hoo that doesn't give you an excuse to be a psychotic parasite. This is textbook narcissism, just because something bad happened to you doesn't give you an excuse to treat other people poorly. It's pathetic childish garbage. Everyone has struggles and trauma people like you just use it to rationalize psychotic behavior. Sorry bud, only other narcissists feel bad for you and your childish temper tantrums. Having experienced 30 years of narcissism I truly don't care about your struggles, take responsibility for yourself FIRST then maybe we can talk.

[@whitewings2363]

Very wonderfully said. If you want to be compassionate, just start where you can. It can be kinda scary because compassion is a type of vulnerability. ​@mandy7369

[@gabimurray5955]

Thank you for this. Too often narcissistic abusers try to spin the victim off as the true abuser

[@karynray4297]

Yep that's way my soon ex husband dose

[@jasonbrowning546]

100% they do

[@Andrea-HeIsKing]

They turn the table so they are the victim.😮

[@robekpl]

at the same time readily labeling someone as a "narcissistic abuser' is exactly what the video is about. it is is a psychiatric term, not an universal slur for asshole exes

[@davidballard1650]

Or maybe the victim is actually the real narcissistic abuser and that's why the believe they are the victim and not the abuser

[@seanmcdonald4686]

Thank you for this nuanced and careful approach. I’ve seen doctors on KZbin with over a million subscribers talking about narcissism in extremely irresponsible ways. All they’re doing is aiming the viewer in the direction of those with autism and c-ptsd, informing the viewers that these people are essentially subhuman, and saying it’s therefore okay to treat them as if they aren’t human. She’s informing her audience of laymen that all these people “are narcissists” without ever even mentioning the criteria.

[@rensins08]

When I was in therapy to deal with potentially being raised & abused by a narcissist one of the things we talked about was going no contact. Not hanging around to get revenge or to change them or to bully them. My therapist also told me point blank that while alot of the memories i shared about my parent SOUNDED like they may have NPD she couldn't possibly diagnose my parent & confirm my suspicions without meeting & having sessions with them & even then she couldn't tell me anyway so that KZbinr deciding to just make that kind of statement, effectively diagnosing complete strangers AND then going so far as saying they deserve to be mistreated, is not only terrifying but completely illogical.

[@gerolsteiner219]

Who is "she" bro

[@freetinkerer3878]

We all know you mean dr Ramani lol

[@heatherunicorn-sparkles1724]

I knew exactly who you were referring to, and I totally agree with you. So irresponsible and dangerous. It would be interesting to learn how many clinical narcissists watch her, label everyone "close" to them as narcissists, and use it for ammo.

[@jessicasaccone7608]

I like the distinction between empathy and compassion. We tend to think of empathy as feeling what the other person feels AND being bothered by their negative emotions (i.e. having compassion for them) especially if we are the cause of those negative emotions. Empathy can be faked so long as a person can read another's emotions accurately. It is the lack of compassion that is the key. This tripped me up for so many years, wondering how a person could seem to have empathy (i.e. being able to recognize and name my emotions, sometimes even anticipate them) but lack the compassion to care or be bothered by the effect their actions had on others.

[@crivsmum4820]

yes, it explains a lot ... I can find it hard to understand empathy the way people describe it but I know I feel compassion

[@pafauk361]

I used to call it empathy vs sympathy, but changing sympathy to compassion makes it so much easier to grok!

[@ianmcmillan1411]

Yes, dictionary-wise this is technically correct. If virtually everyone uses the word 'empathy' as a synonym for 'compassion' for long enough, they'll probably end up re-writing the dictionary definition for 'empathy'.. this is how language evolves

[@swetagupta7018]

Two types of empathy. Emotional and cognitive. Like you described, narcissists have cognitive empathy - they can recognise emotion but they lack emotional empathy - they cannot feel another's emotions. They use cognitive empathy to fool us. Narcissists can have empathy but have no real compassion.

[@stringbender3]

There is NO compassion without empathy.

[@KatyWithAWhyyy]

A true NPD or someone high in narcissistic traits would never ask themselves this question or be watching videos like this so, safe to say no, you probably aren't. However, we are the company keep to an extent so we can certainly become more disregulated and unstable the more we surround ourselves with this type of individual.

[@shandywarhol4444]

That's what my counsellor said to me.... when I asked her, if she thought I was. ☺️Kx

[@birdlover6842]

@katywithawhyy Makes sense.

[@Punkinaise]

They would not be watching this. They r busy posting ridiculous narc vids on instagram about their ex lol

[@MarionFiedlerMusic]

Victims of narcissists can adopt secondary narcissistic traits as coping mechanism, especially after years with narcs around. Source: Sam Vaknin, check out his books/papers and or videos. Helpful stuff!

[@kevinowens6010]

However they do. Some savy Narcs learn so they don't get caught. I had a ex that would watch all kinds of channels. She even became a Therapist for she told me it was the perfect control.

[@judithdg4266]

It can be hard when you just got out of a narc abusive relationship to know you are not a narc, because you have been so close to a very sick mind.. you can almost feel like you have become that mind. I think this happens on normal relationships/friendships as well, we all regulate each others nervousssystems and adapt and influence each other... but usually to a positive, constructive way. It took me almost a year to get myself back, I was terrified I was narcissistic. being around my loving friends and only letting people in that felt safe, definitely helped me the most. Found out again how careful I am with people and how much I want to make them feel free.

[@noahjuliancici]

oh my gosh i went through the exact same thing. you worded it so perfectly. i have been having panick attacks literally everday since i left because i keep thinking it was my fault. i constantly think about how i sometimes was peer pressured into copying certain behaviors from her and i feel so unbearably guilty and terrified that ive tormented others the way she did to me. its like shes still in my head telling me im the same as her, and any thing ive done wrong makes me just as unempathetic as her. its almost like trying to drag me down with her idek how to explain it but i feel haunted. and also im so glad you were able to heal from that and find good loving friends💕

[@ladyx2260]

Not to mention the gaslighting they do. My Narc constantly called me a Narc to draw the attention from them.

[@DollyDeadhouse]

i genuinely feel like its my fault i don't even know anymore and im going crazy

[@jprest13]

the 9 traits: 1. Sense of self-importance 2. Preoccupation with power, beauty, or success 3. Entitled 4. Can only be around people who are important or special 5. Interpersonally exploitative for their own gain 6. Arrogant 7. Lack empathy 8. Must be admired 9. Envious of others or believe that others are envious of them

[@GospelSaved316]

Thank you for summarizing. I think we can all be guilty when we are suffering greatly. I admit that i am guilty at times of many of these, but 4, 7 and 8 told me that i am not a Narcissist.

[@macaroll]

The one I think stood out to me was the first one. I care about my own self-care, and is it similar with self-importance? Or is it different?

[@nateo200]

See the problem is narcissists are amazing at framing other peoples behavior as narcissistic. Care about focusing on yourself instead of others after exhausting yourself meeting others needs? NARCISSIST! YOU ARE SELFISH! Care about your body and long term goals in a field that is prestigious? HOW VERY GRANDIOSE OF YOU! Don't want to be abused and believe you are worthy of being loved? HOW ENTITLED!! Genuine confidence from a place of security and hardwork perhaps in therapy even? ARROGANT HOW DARE YOU HAVE CONFIDENCE THAT I WILL NEVER HAVE. Absolutely done with mind games and childish abuse from some cluster B psycho? HOW DARE YOU NOT HAVE EMPATHY FOR MY SUFFERING I NEED TO ABUSE OTHERS TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF COME HERE. Want to be recognized in the slightest for a genuinely impressive accomplishment after years of hard work? OH YOU NEED EXTERNAL VALIDATION DONT YOU. Someone is jealous of you? YOU ARE DELUSIONAL. This is how they shut up genuinely healthy people with projection and manipulation

[@My_God_is_Jahovah]

​@macaroll Self-importance, I think, moreso refers to a feeling that one deserves something more than others.

[@macaroll]

@@My_God_is_Jahovah Okay! That marks it off then. Thanks for clearing it up!

[@Riverwytche]

13:38 This! Maybe it was me the whole time. After years of psychological abuse, I thought I was the narcissist. My husband accused me of acting narcissistic, so I started watching videos, reading articles, only to find conflicting information. I ended up searching for the DSM on NPD and read a version of it that was plainly explained-that is when I knew I wasn't. I was living with something very similar to PTSD & dealing with it as well as i could, & that often produces narcissistic responses in those living with narcissists. I recognize that in myself and stop it before it ever takes hold. I really thought that because in my 2nd marriage my husband did everything to me that he said he never would (except physical abuse) & because he treated me like my first husband had, that meant I was the problem...the reality wasn't so simple. The reality was that my 2nd husband listened to everything I said about that abusive 1st marriage & he stored it away, slowly pulling out little behaviors here & there because they hurt & triggered me. This escalated with time. It's not rocket science, but the layers are so many, so varied, & the depths they'll go to know no bounds.

[@bailujen8052]

I thought i was the narcissist until i found out the truth. It wasn’t me, it was my mother all along, whenever i have a goal, my mum says the opposite. What’s ridiculous is that i (probably the favourite son in my family) is the one to find out. Originally my woke younger brother called me a narcissist until he checked a video i sent him “4 signs you were mentally abused” where he is so worries he suggested i get therapy but our therapist is on vacation. What also is a problem is when i was telling my mum and her boyfriend about my bastardly conception through interfaith infidelity where my dad was the Christian and my mum was the atheist who calls herself God, she tried making it about her and her miscarriage caused by stupid doctors.

[@cinemaocd1752]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. This is so cruel.

[@Riverwytche]

@bailujen8052 I'm sorry you're going through that with your family. I hope you are able to find some peace and healing.

[@Riverwytche]

@cinemaocd1752 Thank you for the kind words. My hope for all of us who found our way here from a narcissistic abuse situation, is that we can find our ways through the rocky grounds of healing and come out stronger on the other side. Most days I don't feel very strong, but I have a bit of hope. BTW your channel name is awesome. My oldest would love that. They're a neurodivergent film student.

[@matthewwakeling4978]

That's a fantastic insight about your second husband learning all your vulnerabilities *because you told him*. I must have done the same with my second wife. Definitely something to work on to prevent future narcissistic attachments - don't tell them exactly how to mess you up!

[@LDT7Y]

When it happened to me, I was terrified that I was turning into them as I didn't want to leave the house or speak to another human. Being around anyone made me feel sick and panicky. I thought that was me being selfish by being so wrapped up in stress/fear. And you have to completely rebuild your self identity afte they tear it to pieces, which can seem like you are only interested in yourself. It's horrible. PTSD can seriously mess you up. I'm 3 years out and doing a lot better now (for those just starting to heal, it does get easier over time). But I don't think I'll ever be the same open, trusting, sociable person that I was before it happened. Which is maybe for the best. I was incredibly naive before. Hyper-conscientiousness is a good description. That sounds like a nice trait to have, but can be very dangerous. If you are wasting time worrying about things like 'if I'm compassionate and want to help others because it hurts me to see them suffer, does that mean I'm being selfish', then you're probably not a narcissist. Go heal and enjoy your life!

[@AnaM.F]

Same here, after I left 2 years ago…: you have been strong day by day… rebuilding my life( tuff times..)63 years….

[@DollyDeadhouse]

im so confused and i cant tell if i am the narc or not it is driving me crazy

[@nessy9022]

@@DollyDeadhouseI found what Richard said around 9:34 helpful for conclusively answering this question: "Are you interpersonally exploitative? Do you think of ways to rip other people off? And steal their time and steal their attention? Are you pathologically lying to people, just to ensure you get the reactions from them that you need?"

[@ultr0shot440]

My man... the way you structured this video is just PERFECTION. I started the video, heard your examples, said "but wait, I do all of that sometimes, I have big goals (fantasy version of myself), I have envied people (but I mean... we all do, we just need go immediately stop it and lull yourself back to earth😂)...wait, let me make sure" then Googled. Read all of them, saw I was ok when I heard the rest of them, came back after 2 minutes, and THEN you explain the whole part about being confused... Perfectly paced, well done.

[@ApocRNG]

Not wasting our time. Very clear and precise. Wish I had that kind teaching from my parents. Sadly I had a narcissist mother and a pushover father.

[@itzspiffy6305]

I can't tell you how many times while being in a long term relationship with Narcissist I stopped to ask myself if I was the narcissist. It was because I started to realize none of my feelings were being validated and I struggled so anxiously for that validation that I began to think something was wrong with me. In the beginning you discuss that a narcissist watching this video might feel pride in realizing "yes I am a narcissist" and understanding how they might weaponize it resonated so deeply with me. My ex SO eventually came to embrace their narcissism, and the day he did was the day I started to give up. It was very much a "yea this is me, I think I can get better but you have to learn to deal with it for now" type of acknowledgement. To add on, I would not describe him as malicious or even intentionally manipulative. He is still to this day probably the most complicated person I've ever tried to wrap my head around specifically because I don't believe he actively tried to manipulate or control, but did so out of nature. In the heat of the moment he struggled fiercely and typically failed with being able to empathize and sympathize and s how calmness and patience, and understanding, but after drawn out fights that resulted in my crying and coming to him to apologize for my own failings he would also eventually come around to realizing that he was failing in some way....which always was where my struggle was at...for years I felt weak and wrong for not being better at accepting his growth at his pace. I came to ask myself if I was the narcissist because I just wanted to be understand and heard. I just wanted to be able to say "hey, I'm not putting it on you and I know you're doing your best, but xyz makes me feel this way" without him exploding on me. For background, he did have traumatic experiences that caused him to realize he needed "fake it till he made it" and he's described his path and life as something that has stemmed from that pathway.

[@charliebubbles9501]

It took me so long to break free of him because I knew how damaged by his crappy childhood he was but eventually I understood I could not save him from himself no matter how much I Loved and nurtured him and the effort was costing me my own happiness. A bitter pill to swallow but I decided to save me first.

[@WillSoftmore]

This is such a good explanation! Thank you so much Richard, this is really clear and is a massive relief to hear. You have been a lifeline through one of the most difficult confusing and painful times in my life. I kept wondering if it was actually all my fault. Predatory people know this, that's how they successfully blame you and absolve themselves of any responsibility or remorse for what they've done to you. There is a lot of simplistic bs out there, even in the so-called self help and coaching community about what narcissism is and how it shows up. You are one of the few sane voices that really explains the subject in a grounded and nuanced way. I'm so grateful for you continuing to show up here in this way.

[@easymac24]

I was with a girl for a long time who was fairly empathic and fairly avoidant. Once she came to me crying because someone called her a narcissist, while she may have inhabited a certain number of these traits situationally, I told her look, the mere fact that you are upset and are asking me if I think you are a narcissist is a pretty red flag that you don't have NPD because if you did it wouldn't faze you, the true narcissist doesn't care if they hurt people, they don't see there behavior as an issue, hence why these people often never change or even make any attempt at self improvement. In their eyes it's the most effective way to live. Often these people find external reinforcement of their unhealthy behavior through financial success, short term relationship gains, generally having their interpersonal goals and needs met before the needs or at the expense of others. Narcissists suck, but as non narcissists we need to take responsibility for how we choose to respond to such people. Despite what narcissists often make people believe, only you have control over yourself. Trying to change or control a narcissist will generally end poorly.

[@PhoticSneezeOne]

For the first time in my life i felt something like being sorry for narcissists. It must be unbelieveable stressful to live a life like that. Everything is a competition, you need supply like a vampire or you´ll dry up, you have to come up with fake stories for yourself and others, you have to strategically plan your next move and steps etc etc. Poor souls trapped in a predatory role

[@chrissemenko628]

Same 😢

[@paulwogaman6868]

you have compassion

[@pootytang69]

Yeah personally I find it just as unpleasant to think about the states of mind they're often trapped in and the empty cycles of chasing highs, as I do someone who's been blasted with radiation and is basically just living a long suffering decay of self. I really hope breakthroughs are made in treating even the most solidified narcissists - always so hard once someone reaches that point where they're seeing themselves as faultless though, or a vulnerable narc who's decided they're beyond help because they have the most special suffering.

[@clintonnagy1662]

OMG yes. My ex would exhaustingly plan strategic steps to outsmart her ex narc. One of her plans was to get engaged before he did during Christmas. I told her I wasn't ready. She played the martyr as if she was in the relationship making all the sacrifices after that. Pathetic.

[@dancingdoormanable]

@@pootytang69 Mindful meditation helps against illusions and compassion can be created with a chemical like E. Solitary confinement for the first while on a special diet for the second maintained for a substantial amount of days would probably change them. Not that you would get it through an ethical commission and B.F. Skinner's behaviorism is a bit out of fashion.

[@BradleyWillcox-p5m]

I was with a narcissist and she had me completely convinced I was one. This video is golden. Thank you so much for this. You’re helping so many people like myself.

[@specialtwice4975]

After dating a psychopath, I find myself having less compassion than I use to. Sometimes, I feel like I became a narcissist over the past 6 years. I have compassion still, but only for a select few.

[@sneaky_hannah]

I feel this too! A little bit it’s like he stole my compassion or something like I still have compassion but like for example my mom was in pain and she would yell at me to help her and I’d be annoyed that I had to help her and now she’s in the hospital she almost died and it’s made me think about how annoyed I was like why was I annoyed to help my own mother it makes me sad thinking about it now but I just want her back home because I miss her soo much I can’t wait to talk to her she’s been on a ventilator for two weeks now 😢 I hate that I was so annoyed with her and all she was doing was asking for help 😢😢😢

[@sneaky_hannah]

@@Positively46 I agree I was exhausted for months after the discard he left me drained I also believe it’s spiritual like we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against demons I’m a Christian and Jesus really helped me through it it all happened a year ago for me even tho it don’t feel like it, feels like it just happened lol

[@netta96]

​@@sneaky_hannahI have changed too. But I think I'm much more discerning about who actually deserves it.

[@clintonnagy1662]

Yep. I can relate.

[@mr_reborn]

A lot of ppl changed over the last few years

[@littlelisastar79]

I have binge watched this man. He's AMAZING at breaking all this down to understand.

[@taneshawhite1]

14:20 attachment to delusion is my ex husband all the way. I drove myself crazy trying to defend myself against his accusations that were absolutely insulting. I realized that his abusive childhood and ptsd formed these trauma responses and I needed to accept there is no rationalization with irrational people. He was the cruelest person in the world to me, and is caught in a delusion that he is the victim. You explained this so well. Thank you so much!!!

[@Pyrrhic537]

But did he have 5 of the 9 traits too? Or was he just very insecure and imagining you were cheating? He might have been BPD or had ADHD with a bit of narcissism. Of course it's your decision if you want to answer or not. You're pretty so I can sympathise with him being a bit jeleous.

[@RedeemedRestored]

There was someone I dated, or thought I was dating but I was being gaslit. They also thought they were slick and tried to plant negative suggestions in my thoughts. Ultimately I came to realize not only were they are narcissist but also a witch

[@diepolitischeseitekritisch]

Afer facing so many kind of evil narcissistic creatures in the last 7-8 years... I studied the last 2 years this kind of pathological sickness and understand afterwards with which kind of devils I dealed with... Your video is one of the best short explanation of the narcissistic disorder / decision! I will share this content in all my social media and blog website .. Thanks for your work! Greetings from Hamburg Germany!

[@EgotisticalObserver]

It’s hard for me to know whether I have NPD or not, because I know I have subconscious egotistical behavior that comes out pretty regularly, but I also usually recognize it pretty soon after and do my best to make amends. I’m a very sensitive person and went through what I think is quite a bit of trauma, and it’s like one second I’m super humble, kind and understanding, but the next I’m cold, bitter, and feel like nothing I do matters, and I become more prone to self-centered behavior. I don’t like how little consistency there is in my mind, I’ve been receiving therapy for most of my life but at this point I don’t think I’m getting anything else out of it. I think maybe whats best for me is to just be alone for a while and try to work through my trauma but idk. I just don’t want to have a really bad day and become a villain

[@joshuamitchell4829]

I know this feeling. Like every one says if your asking if you are one, you aren't one. But am i one that is realizing i aI know this feeling. Like every one says if your asking if you are one, you aren't one. But am in one that is realizing i am one? i still don't know.

[@EgotisticalObserver]

@@joshuamitchell4829 same. I have heard of cases where the narcissist has a surprising amount of self-awareness, but that self-awareness just isn’t consistent. I definitely am “narcissistic” at times but ik that’s different than having a diagnosis

[@Andrea-HeIsKing]

That is because you dissociate. You step out of yourself and feelings and go numb. It is a defense mechanism and normal for PTSD.

[@annetallegrand5656]

You may very well be a covert narcissist. Only you and your therapist can find out for sure.

[@Rallysoldier]

​@Andrea-HeIsKing Ahhhh there's the answer... thanks

[@AmyBuccilla]

I've noticed a lot of people who are known as a narcissist had real issues with drug abuse. One in particular that I know has managed to fool or manipulate her doctor into giving her very potent pain medication & has been taking them for 30 years or more and I'm just finding this out since I lived states away (Over 700 miles) and I only saw them during a few vacations. During those times although my gut was telling me something wasn't quite right, they fooled me. They are relentless!

[@GuitarWithBrett]

Narcissist is becoming an overused term often just used to denote someone one doesn’t like, dilutes the actual traits well described here.

[@loraneilson1698]

You have changed my life for the better. I am stronger mentally. I am now no contact with family members. Now they are going after my son. When my son told me what was going on, i explained to him why going no contact is best for me. I am very thankful both my boys understands me. Stay cool and groovy. ⚪️🔴⚪️🔴⚪️🔴AB,Canada.

[@jorayo9885]

This presentation is superior to much of the material on this subject that I have found during 20 years of recovery from NPD. It is succinctly accurate, and boldly speaks the truth. Rewatch and share.

[@SailorGreenTea]

5:15, compassion is also with a desire to alleviate suffering

[@Wingedmagician]

Watching Sam Vaknins channel I started to think I was a narcissist, it did help me see traits but thank god I’m not a narcissist

[@hopeinhumanity.]

Great video. The seeking vengeance from a perceived wrong/ slight is key.

[@MaryDunford]

It's the molehill to mountain response. If you want to destroy someone because you perceive an emotional slight that's the clincher. It's imbalanced. But there are those who fight back when it's warranted, and let the small stuff slide. Mountain to mountain or molehill to molehill. Balanced judgment. Big difference.

[@BrillPappin]

We all have some narcissistic traits, especially when we are young. The key is, can you recognize how you can improve, and make changes to how you behave. After my own experiences, I asked my therapist to evaluate me, because I was told by someone with BPD traits that I was. The first thing she said, was that if I can ask the question, and want to do something about it, then probably not.

[@tbcfrankee]

The attachment to delusion is absolutely spot on. In fact, I occasionally have moments where I don’t have my delusion set up right after awakening and it’s absolutely bone chilling. Like my very core is in shock. This only happens when you go through severe trauma

[@tatianaa.3694]

My father is a narcissist and also my poor brother because of my father 😥. Narcissist are humans though, they are not monster as many say, they hurt because they don't want to get hurt. Sometimes it's better to be away from them, but It would be great if we could learn how to be well around them to not abandon them

[@anne-marie6098]

They’re impossible to be around if we value our mental health as they choose to abuse like they choose to love bomb or hide their abuse traits as needed.

[@Northern85Star]

No

[@kentc6973]

Not an excuse

[@pootytang69]

@@kentc6973 no one was excusing anything - they were simply pointing out that it's a tragic situation for a human to be trapped in that state of mind - if narcissists could choose not to be narcissistic, they could have much happier healthier lives. Thus someone who's stuck in narcissism is not too much different to someone stuck in a hole without any clear way out. That's just tragic if you have compassion for the bigger perspective. Don't get me wrong, if someone is going around justifying hurting others - they kinda are gonna end up alone - narcissism typically ends up punishing itself with a miserable lonely life. Also tragic when that spills out to others. Realistically if we could find a way to help heal these people trapped in this state, and we thought we were safe to try, there's no harm trying to give them the unconditional love they really need - just unconditional love with boundaries.

[@cyndrellawhitley7062]

U have to protect yourself tho. Narcissistics have zero give a fk about u. The only person who can care for u is you. If it's just u and. Narcissisti. It's important to not allow yourself to be brought down by a pos like that. I learned that and I screen everyone for narcissism now.

[@thecustodian1023]

The two potential narcs in my life read as this. 1: They know everything. There is nothing they won't make up some bizarre factless explanation to show they know more than you even when it's painfully obvious they have no clue what they are talking about. Wild on the spot purposeless lying is second nature to them. 2: They deserve to be in control of everything. It does not matter how obvious it is they have no idea what to do or how to do it. Their view of how things should be done, no matter how stupid, is law. 3: Every act you do and they do for you has some tallied value to it. No matter what you do for them, the little they do for you still holds high value and if you screw up you are to pay them back, at their weighted value, for everything they imagine they have ever done for you. A day of their life spent on you is worth years of your life dedicated to them. 4: Self-awareness is near zero. They can literally lie to your face and will then call you out as if it was you who just lied to them for what they said to you and it was them who caught you in the lie. Reality is absolutely fluid when they are upset. It's their narrative and nobody should ever question it no matter how insane it is. 5: If they can't have it, nobody will have anything ever again and it's all your fault they had to do it. They have burned their lives down around themselves now trying to destroy mine simply because I stood up to them for once called them on their BS and refused to back down. The damage they have done to my life is bad but not nearly as bad as what they have inflicted on themselves in the process. I will recover from this in a year or two, they have ruined their retirement and that's permanent. 6: Nobody's success matters but theirs. If they don't feel like they came up with the idea and get full credit for everyone's success they will destroy you and everyone around you. Every promise and every agreement they have ever made with you and those around you in life does not matter if they don't get to have credit for your gains. Your life is there to benefit them or you will be thrown away in an instant. 7: Never joke around at their expense or point out their faults. Never use certain words, contexts, or tones of voice. Especially if they are having a bad day. To do so is to open the gates of hell on yourself. 8: The world is conspiring against them. Every single person who has seen through their BS is part of some club out to get them. Same with anyone who they see as being friendly with those people. If you saw through their BS and called them out on it they will stop taking their stuff to a shop you also went to because they see you as being who is telling the shop to screw them over on their idiotic repair work they want to be done despite being told by the shop its a waste of money and there are better options available for far less. 9: The world is too stupid to know what is right or wrong. It does not matter what the law-making experts/regulatory agencies etc say about anything. It's what their own less-than-educated and informed beliefs are that matters. The only laws that matter is the law that agrees with them. Revancy and reality are not part of that discussion. What they believe is what matters real or otherwise.

[@liru3810]

Fully agree. Very well written.

[@mork8144]

these sound like me ...

[@UrsulaZA]

Number 3. Wow. I don’t know why but this resonates with so many situations I had the past few months. I couldn’t be as mentally supportive, couldn’t make a friends coffee date because I came directly from the hospital - here is where i started to feel guilt for being sickly, and not being able to do what my friend wants me to do. She was the one who took me to the hospital for seroma aspiration which lasted for 3 hours, and she was still unhappy when she asked me in the car on the way home if I wanted to join her with her other friend for coffee (even though this was the first time I had heard of these plans). It’s the always on the spot when I’m uncomfortable or sickly… and then I’m the one with the guilt for not actually showing up.

[@UrsulaZA]

And then it’s me being sickly, and having guilt feelings for not being a good friend - because she’s taking me to the hospital but I cannot make a coffee date.

[@StevenLewis-y3q]

9 is the only one i resonate within myself but I aslo pay alot of attention to global topics and its not narcissistic to recognise that Covid was one big lie and profiteering mission come the end. Israel and Palestine and Russia and Ukraine and Yemen and many more wars haooen and nothing is done. Governments openly agreed to the demands of mentally ill people to he point there willing to physically slaughter a child's anatomy and kids are being sexualised in schools by peope who don't even have children for there own sexual identity and sense of self. Much more but pretty sure I'm spot on about these things And in work have been passed up for peope not as competent experienced or as hard working as me...but then if yo make people thousands of pounds in bonuses through housing completion...you kind of keep yourself in the position to be used for others gains. I understand the world rather than think I know how to do things better. I also know the difference between right or wrong, and won't drop my morals for financial success or self interest in work and personal relationships. So I'd say although 9 resonates it doesn't describe part of my pshyce.

[@eloiseprays]

I've started therapy after realising that I romatasize being neglected and disrespected. I definitely have some traits I want to iron out.

[@lonetreehangman]

Damn, I don't think I've ever heard a more precise, understandable and accurate communicator on this subject. This is amazing, you have a new fan!

[@jasnanelson912]

To keep up with "the competition," like you mentioned, the constant struggle to be the best must be exhausting. Is there why they're always tired? Every day, all day, no matter what. Right!! And depressed!

[@t0k3p0k3]

Every time I watch these videos about narcissism, I recognize these traits mostly in my family and relatives. The "game" of bringing others down that I refused to participate in. And the ridicule that came after caring about someone. Every time I see these videos I'm reminded by the times I've been called an arrogant POS by my friends, so I watch these again.

[@linglingwannabe9135]

Npd is actually heriditary, so families are more likely to be largely narcissistic

[@johnvandervlies4614]

Your comparison with the blue and red pill is so heart breaking. I think it's so sad that damaged people leave a big part of their childhood vulnerability behind. And start creating a dream that's an illusion. They miss everything. Empty inside. Fighting for an illusion. I think with the new psychological insights and new treatments there must be a way to treat these people. If they are aware and willing to participate.

[@elizebethjames1256]

" If they are aware and willing to participate? " If they are capable of this, they are very low on the narc spectrum, (not barely a narc at all). Or - if they are very highly narcissistic or are malignant, NO they so cannot own up to their disregulated patterns and WILL NOT & CANNOT heal.

[@austinsavage3540]

Well said ! I agree

[@floof6896]

​@@elizebethjames1256you're more of a narc than they are

[@catherinegrout1513]

Yes,the emptiness inside these people is heartbreaking and so far,no real approach works to help them reintegrate their truth. Many also are terrified to take the red pill and their blue pill is the way they cope with their actual belief that they are evil and not worthy of love. They can only cope when they obliterate their real ,tortured self and live in their made up fantasy where they are right, rich beautiful,have beautiful and amazing children...I recently was confronted with the awful reality a friend of mine was escaping from in this way...I saw the neglect of the children,the sadistic treatment of their partner and the lack of real care for anybody but themselves....I am still horrified.

[@avanellehansen4525]

Quickest test for a Narcissist is to tell them no. They will argue, defend, and try to get around your boundary.

[@NegativeKaball]

Or maybe they really aren't a narcasist and they are rightfully defending themselves

[@xolalalo]

@@NegativeKaballexactly- a man gave me this test and it confused me cuz…

[@Ryuuzaki145]

Avoidants kinda do that too, and aren't narcissist. The reason behind it is totally different though -- fear of rejection

[@kelly450]

Basically set a boundary.. & observe their "reaction" to your personal boundary...🌿

[@avanellehansen4525]

@@kelly450 yes. Ignore, negotiate, guilt you, push through…no still means no!

[@briannewman532]

I was involved with a covert female narcissist for many years. She was very intelligent and had a way of making ME feel like I had something wrong with me. I stayed as long as I did, because I thought I was the one at fault for so long. I tried and tried to "behave better", but it was never good enough. It wasn't until I started reading about this subject, that I realized she was mentally ill. I immediately broke contact (not the first time, but now the last), and felt better overnight. I feel like such a massive weight has been lifted, and this channel has had a great deal to do with that.

[@MikeandMads]

Brilliant explanation. The fundamental reason the general public can or won’t absorb and take heed to what this guy is saying, is - “experience is the only teacher”. This is spot on

[@typeix4319]

The way you speak just makes me cry. I never cry, I just needed a father in my life. Thank you for this video!

[@geraldjarosch536]

To #2: I think that most narcissists or the type of narcissist who has already decided to let other people suffer for their own sense of self-worth will not be worried about the diagnosis, they won't care a bit. But if you ever visit the NPD subreddit you will see a lot of people who are diagnosed with NPD, were devastated by the diagnoses and are very worried about it. Usually it's those who are bullied and victimized in narcissistic families.

[@EnglishAaron]

​@sludgerat3715 Incredibly common for all conditions, it's why specialists exist, ADHD for example is commonly missed in adults who have it they instead are diagnosed with depression or other conditions that are symptoms of the underlying cause of untreated adhd. It doesn't help that many psychiatrists just follow a rulebook rather than being able to properly assess outside of it like private practictioners do successfully leading to a lot of unintended harm.

[@MilkoOfficialChannel]

I’m so damn lost in the void I don’t know what to hold onto anymore.

[@DaveyMulholland]

Amen

[@rowannestripe2964]

Fabulous explanation. I couldn't be bothered with what others think of me. I am what I am. I try to be the best version of myself. If people don't like me, then they don't have to. I don't understand narcissists, even though I've been on the receiving end, more than once. They really do end up hanging themselves! People without NPD don't say things to belittle others, simple as that!

[@jakeansell5408]

Love that and tell them again 👏

[@josephwilliamroca]

Thank you. I need to close the book on this self doubt. And, surrounded by people who are cluster B, it’s very difficult to act in relative freedom when questioning the health of my desires and boundaries.

[@mattbarnard1]

If you're worried you're a narcissist you aren't.

[@MikJames-d1g]

Probably the only good advice here. Sure you can look up the 9 traits, but the sad reality is all of us behave that way sometimes, they're just human traits. A narcissist behaves that way all the time, and will never admit it even to themselves. If you look at those traits and go "that's not me" you probably ARE the narcissist 😄

[@vaultsmeller]

That’s not true at all. There’s a self aware one I follow and he kind of knew before going in to getting diagnosed.

[@MikJames-d1g]

@@vaultsmeller Self aware = sociopath, a similar but slightly different personality type. The narcissist still clings to a sort of morality, wherein they need to believe they're good people, a sociopath doesn't care whether they are decent or not.

[@highoncash]

@@MikJames-d1g you are wrong.

[@MikJames-d1g]

@@highoncash I'm so glad you took the time to show me the error of my thinking, random person on the internet...😄

[@MariaSilva-ix1qc]

It makes a lot of sense and only after we go no contact, lose our finances, our friends and even the kids, do we start again day by day. One step at a time, alone but I feel I got everything (myself) and that is all I need. This 'therapy videos' are actually good for the soul. I use them as a positive to keep growing and feel inspired and not because I feel like a loser. I also filter some of the content where needed and focus on the lessons learned.

[@dougwimsett2634]

Im not a narcissist. Thats good

[@CoriLemos-o6h]

😂

[@duubtuub3071]

I don't want to push you over any edges, but "You are great!" Thank you. You've helped a lot of people.

[@Thomas-dw1nb]

I appreciate this video, sir. Many, MANY people on KZbin nowadays seem to over "diagnose" NPD in others because they don't like them or feel sleighted by them. It becomes annoying to hear how everyone's parents or spouses are supposedly narcissists because they weren't nice or just weren't very good parents or spouses. That doesn't make them narcissists.

[@Mel-j1f]

Thank you for explaining the difference between empathy and compassion. It clears a lot up for me.

[@_icscata_]

It takes a lot of courage for someone to ask himself this question. Thank you for describing this so well. We all might use some traits in a given situation but what it truly matters is not to purposely hurt others. Keep spreading the positivity and wisdom! 🙏

[@Entity_Mindshifts]

This is very fascinating. After learning more about what narcissism and NPD are, it had occurred to me that, "oh my god, I was the narcissist the whole time." I'm an only child, and there was very little guidance, education and involvement from my parents. Naturally I was pretty selfish, and nobody was there to keep me in check. But I also developed beliefs that I was better than others. At the end of middle school I was diagnosed with depression which I still deal with today at 30, but I can manage it much better. I had a pattern of abandoning myself to be like others who I envied or put on a pedestal. I was always very prone to envy and comparing myself to others and I realize this is probably because I simply wasn't happy with myself. I set unrealistic standards, so I became pretty self-loathing. I feel that my younger self had 5+ of the narcissism traits, but at the same time, I'm also the "fawning," "people-pleasing" type who's very prone to guilt and shame. As years have gone by, forced to confront my shadow, healing, I have a greater awareness, and seem to have naturally dialed back these narcissism traits. Narcissistic traits remind me of a selfish child, which I was, I'm also a late bloomer so I was also probably late to outgrow and become aware of my emotional immaturity. I suppose with actual NPD, people don't really outgrow it.

[@pootytang69]

Thank you for sharing your journey - I resonate with it and it's helpful to here there's others who recognised they were dealing with a lot of the traits and have successfully started managing them better. I'm still getting impostor syndrome a lot and attacking the better behaviours I now have as being false or fake in some way - but realistically it's been quite a while since I've had any issues in my interpersonal relationships (outside of romance, romance is harder to kill our own narcissism in, as romantic fantasy can be so narcisssitic.) For you how are you measuring your progress in a way that satisfies any anxiety you might have about if you're truly healing or not? Did you also have therapy or did you reparent yourself via self teaching therapeutic methods?

[@Maybe444-23AH]

Yeah I say and do and prefer to be alone these days my central nervous system is trying to heal

[@Daisy-pc8os]

This is so sad to know what a future narcissistic person is going through in a childhood. How big is the hurt in those little bodies,thay they have to take the blue pill.

[@readoryx373]

I have walked into a dozen therapies proclaiming myself a person with NPD and have walked away feeling that although I may not have NPD, that my 'recovery' may be similar, and that is through reclaiming my self-importance, putting my needs out into the light and following through on meeting those needs for myself, saying what I mean and meaning what I say. Bottom line: if we suspect ourselves, don't walk away and wash our hands when we decide that we are not. Origins are from childhood and just because we chose our individuation-rejection differently, we still have patterns

[@andreahighsides7756]

Yes! You may not be a narcissist but everyone can have traits of narcissism. All of us are a work in progress, any of us can have behavioral patterns which harm those in our lives. It’s natural to feel shame about treating people in a way that you regret. That shameful feeling is hard, but it means you are growing and striving to be better. That’s something you should allow yourself space to feel proud of.

[@jennymixon7600]

What a great video snd relief!!! My daughter is constantly cutting me out of her life snd accusing me of being a narcissist. I didn’t think I was but kept wondering why we are always having so much conflict. Thank you for making this video and explaining

[@rhonddalesley]

I personally think that the problem lies with the younger generation applying the word narcissist to anyone and everyone who does something they don’t like. I think that with each generation people get more entitled and selfish, someone mentioned ‘narcissist’ and they grabbed it and ran with it having no idea of the true definition and now it’s replaced other derogatory words we used to apply to each other. Having been in a manipulationship with an actual narc it makes me angry that the word is just thrown out there willy nilly and the damage that it can do.

[@musicmastermusicmaster4307]

Don't worry. Every grown kid hates their parents to some degree. It's a love and hate relationship. It doesn't matter how good of a parent you are, it's just a human psychology, we're coded to start distancing ourselves from our parents once we reach adulthood.

[@Jasonronsteinberger]

I feel so foolish only learning this now at 47, and now i feel justified in hating and having nothing to do with my family.

[@ZLLi661]

Yes you can feel foolish for trusting people who never deserved your trust and respect. I know that feeling very well. 🤮. But hating them is such a strong emotion that takes a lot of energy to perpetuate. Don’t get me wrong it is justified. But unfortunately if they know you hate them - they thrive on that. 🤮 As part of the process to heal and move on so you are no longer wasting your precious energy on anything to do with them is working through these very strong emotions of hate. To me hating them means you are still thinking of them 🤮🤮🤮 - wasting your precious energy thinking of them. I hope one day you can work through to have nothing but indifference to them- like the 🐕 💩 in the park that you may momentarily grimace at then step around to avoid. Because that is all the amount of time that should be spent on them and what their true value is. 💩. After my beloved mother’s death 2 years ago the 3 abusers I grew up with 🤮 made it blatantly obvious they have become more depraved in thought word and deed and perversely cruel as they have aged and will only stop when they are incapacitated, or incarcerated, or dead🤷🏽‍♀️. As one of my beloved adult kids reminds me “it sucks to be them”. I hope you can heal so that eventually you think nothing or are indifferent for when /if you see them. It’s been 2 years since I went no contact with the 🐕 💩 and I am still thinking of the 🐕 💩 but it is getting less and less.👍🏼. Take care. You aren’t foolish you have survived and now moving on to thrive.👍🏼

[@picjw]

It is very refreshing to hear someone (you) to say for better or worse, it's a clinical/psychiatric definition. We can't just make this up because someone "feels" that someone else is a narcissist. Science is about what is disprovable, to keep our understanding moving forward and to be open to new evidence.

[@ingeandersen3654]

Thanks for this. My mother's a narcissist, she had a great childhood, loving parents? She was adored? I was her fuel, I broke free about 5 years ago through therapy. She is one of the 5 diagnosed traumas within my CPTSD. I often fear that I'm like her, even though i know I'm not ...could something have happened to her that she's never told anyone about? Agh, my empathy! For a moment there I nearly fell into the trap of allowing myself to care about her, again. Never again!

[@mike-ology22]

What happens just before the show starts, she walks in! I was accused of being a narcissist after my ex yanked the steering wheel in the car on the motorway going 75MPH. Flipped it multiple times ending upside down with a full tank of petrol leaking out. Not one spark... This makes me believe after falling 30ft from a tree landing face down on the ground, having a collapsed lung, cancer, and then that little stunt ride, someone is keeping me here for a reason. I hit rock bottom had severe PTSD and went back to work a week later. I washed the paint out of her hair due to me carrying that in the back of the car, 20 litres of it. The police told me they were cleaning it for a few hours and my car battery was 100 yards down the road. She was completely cut up while her side of the car you could open her door, my side was completely crushed and my seat had snapped. Freak survival moment there when I went back to the car for our personal items. Her family blamed me for it because I said it was the car tyre that popped and I lost control. Monday morning the kids went to school and I got a call that social services were there and I was a danger to her children. That I could no longer go to her house and I had to move out instantly with nowhere to go. I met her a few times to discuss what had happened and they presented her with a chart to see which traits I had and to see if I was controlling her. We went through it all and I didn't comply with any of it. I'm old school, my Nan taught me the way to be so I'm always polite, too polite I'm told by people. I know what it is like to suffer, I had nowhere to go and I met a guy who sold me a yacht for £1 which I stayed on for 1 year which kept me out of the cold. It was when I moved to Poole after this ordeal because I become hooked on Cacaine as an antidepressant and I was triggered all the time. We had been together for 5 years and it was a good friends sister I had known for so many years too. How could I have got it so wrong. A week after we split her neighbour called me because they had a serious water leak so I went around and just at the time when I was packing up, trying to hurry up to avoid bumping into her, she came back with her new fellow. She got him to call the shop multiple times claiming to be me because I said she has an alter ego Lana, a deviation from her real name. That got me arrested and nearly done for harassment. I didn't have a clue what the police were talking about, I didn't even have a phone. She would always say I was a narcissist and I would take a look at some videos sometimes as and when I feel like it. Too much psychology in one go is not good, slow but steady. I was a broken man living in a new place where I didn't know anyone. Lost everything I had. Kept having seriously bad nightmares and waking up sweating. Severe anxiety and all the while beating myself up about what had happened. I thought I did everything right, I thought I did what a man was supposed to do but it is never good enough. This was with a single mother who had 2 children by an aggressive partner who was also a training coach at the local gym. After experiencing the same with single mother number 2 and with her knowing all about what happened before, I would expect her to have more of an understanding but she doesn't. Her attitude is exactly the same. The same thing happens when it comes down to the kids, going behind my back making silly financial decisions that cost money and put pressure on me. I tie single mother syndrome to narcissism. If they have 1 child then you stand a chance and I've seen its success. Any more than 1 you're fighting a losing battle. I don't put too much emphasis on meeting new people to see if they are a narcissist. I train my mind to pick things up, and behavioural patterns that would alert me if I come across someone like that. I'm quite happy being single at the moment anyhow, I've figured out how we can change the world and haven't found a woman yet who wants the same and who is willing to support me like I would her. We need to rewrite the social contract and I know how to do it. We need to replace corporations on this planet, I know how to get rid of them all. We need an honest system with integrity, I've got that covered too English traditional common law contracts. It is check mate. I care about people and spent my life trying to figure out what went wrong and we have the holy grail. So, am I a narcissist? Let's see.... as he presses play! Thanks Richard We should try a poll with your followers. Who do we suspect to be a narcissist and what star sign are they. Now that would be very interesting. Both narcissists I've been with love their astrology and often get it right when it comes to predicting someone's star sign. Just an idea ;-)

[@mike-ology22]

SPECIAL ME - Duke Health 1. Sense of self-importance 2. Preoccupation with power, beauty, or success 3. Entitled 4. Can only be around people who are important or special 5. Interpersonally exploitative for their own gain 6. Arrogant 7. Lack Empathy 8. Must be admired 9. Envious of others or believe that others are envious of them 1. I believe we all must feel we are important one way or another. However, to think you would be irreplaceable, I wouldn't agree. I don't consider myself as important, only in a protective way to the people around me. 2. I'm bald, 40 years old, and have nothing to show for it. I like sharing ideas with people and teaching them what I know in the hope they can teach me something too. Equality in knowledge and sharing power is what England has been about for thousands of years. That is why some of our most prestigious cathedrals were built in the year 900. Look up, Ely Cathedral was built 1200 years ago, and you think that was done by one man? Bury St Edmunds, my old hometown, was the richest place in the world along with Sudbury and Ely mainly for our superior engineering skills. We taught the world everything to do with engineering. Flight, electricity, steam engines, and mobile phones are only made possible because of the great collaboration of English engineers. Teamwork is what built this country, and it all deteriorated and was dismantled after the 70s when we joined the ... I don't want power, I want to share what I have learned with the world so together we are more equal and we change it. 3. I work hard for my money, and if I have no money, I barely eat. I don't steal, and if I want more in life, I will have to work for it. If you don't, it can be taken away just as easily, and there is no gratification in taking something from another human being. 4. I like inventing things and learning, and I do that through the internet and my PC. So' I'm at home mostly but so are my friends looking after their families. I like going out and meeting new people, hearing their stories about where they're from and what it is like down their neck of the woods. 5. Currently, I'm back with my ex-partner sleeping on her couch. We split up after Xmas because of the way she treated me. Employment for me has been rocky because I chose to follow the new heat pump technology and was lied to by so many employers who promised the world but instead used me for labour and made us redundant when they no longer needed us. OR they would make the workload too much to handle or create a toxic environment that you would want to leave. Dealing with that, I'm also half Dutch and half English, I speak both languages like native to the country. She wanted to go to Holland to stay with my mum, which wouldn't cost anything. She has an autistic son who likes to play with water. My mum asked if he could not play downstairs because he ruined the laminate flooring the last time when he dropped water on the floor. "I want a holiday too you know, I don't want to have to spend the whole holiday looking after him 24/7." I said, all I'm asking is that you keep an eye on him, and if he wants to play with water, he can do it upstairs. During the holiday, my cousin took us out for the day go-karting, bowling, and for a meal. Whenever any food was put down, her children would nearly scoff the lot, showing no respect to anyone there or even sharing the food we hadn't paid for. Expecting my mum to take her dog when she walked her own dog. Just the entitlement that they go around acting like they're entitled to use and abuse my mums house and even be disrespectful towards my cousin that I went and got more food trays because I was embarrassed, to say the least. Before we went to Holland she was given a new house by the housing association, which I pushed for because her autistic son and teenage son were sharing a room. The date to love in was in December 18th and we left for Holland on the 20th until the 4th Jan. Leaving 14 days to move all the stuff. I suggested we don't go but she didn't want to spend another Xmas in the cold old house. It cost a fortune in Electric and now she wouldn't have to pay anything. She did pay towards the trip and for her dog too because I refused. I paid for all the food and thing we did outside the house excluding the day we went with my cousin. We came back, and I found out that her son asked to borrow £150 for trainers to sell them on to people. It's scam because if you start selling trainers st 16 online you become a retailer and retailers abide by different rules. They didn't think of that. Think about saying they're fake and call a dispute, you lose your money while they investigate it. It had scam written all over it. They didn't tell me because they said I would have disagreed. I wouldn't. I would have weighed up pros and cons and told them to research first before parting with money. Who owns the companies? Where are the shoes from? I had enough by this point. Harassing me for money when we just spent a lot going to Holland. We agreed that it would take time to pay back money she gave me to pay an old bill. Now she had the holiday that didn't matter. She had her target now. I need that money because my kids don't have anything. I was still on the amazon account seeing her buying facial creams for £35 a bottle. It doesn't matter what she spends her money but the agreement was that we go to Holland and I would continue to pay more in the new year. I didn't even want her money but she forced it on me, its OK just take it. You always make sure I'm OK and it's easier to pay it that way, she says. I lost my job because I flagged up unlawful activity of a company claiming plumbing items were fitted working for letting agencies. Ripping off landlords. I offered to buy her teenage son a moped but it wasn't good enough. £650 but he wanted one £1400. So I said get stuffed. That was it, they both ganged up on me so I left. Geeling guilty I paid a friend to help me move her stuff and put the old house back in the state it was. A total of 1 week after work. I laid all the laminate flooring in the hall, living room and sons bedroom. Hung all tvs on the wall, fitted an outside tap, fitted all the white goods, bought then a strimmer, put up a shed. Due to me moving out so quickly I had to find somewhere to stay. These people were crazy, one was an alcoholic and the other addicted to ketamine. They needed more money and asked me to leave after 3 months. My only option now is Hollamd so I said to her,ni can either leave or if I stay at yours ill do all the jobs and fit everything for you if I can stay temporarily until I get a new job. All the jobs are done in the house, I got an excellent new job and then she tries to sabotage that. Nothing left to do in the house and now weekly threats of her not wanting me here, not sticking to the agreement. I pay her money for food and she does the shopping. She purposely buys things I don't like, cupboards are always empty. If I buy a big box of cereal it's gone in 2 days and all my milk. They steal my razor blades. My food. My toothpaste. She doesn't buy any food, so what am I paying for? Which means they're entitled. Their sense of self-importance is that they deserve everything while giving nothing in return breaking the universal balance. Exploitative for their own gain by using me, then using against me that I have no place to go as of yet. 6. Arrogant? I'm too shy and always in competition with myself to try and be a better version of myself 7. I care about people, the perfect host who likes to make sure everyone has a good time ;-) Community get together are the best 8. Must be admired. Due to me growing up without a father and when he was in my life degrading my work as being under par compared to his, he never taught me anything. I've always grown up thinking I'm pretty useless, a confused soul growing up in England and Holland not knowing who I really was. All I did know was that England was my home and once I settled here again my work is my life. Knowing I'm doing a good job is important to me and feeling valued within a company for all the hard work you put in and effort. To be admired by your partner as you would admire them for being a genuine nice human being. So I guess I am this one. 9. I'm always happy for other people's success unless it was done in an unlawful manner and that I don't agree with.

[@specialtwice4975]

Omg, a narcissist I knew loved star signs too. I was like "yeah, that's cool, but they are not facts" and the person was like "what are you talking about? Ofc they are facts silly!" I looked at them like they had 2 heads, and it was then that I realized what I was dealing with. (That, and this person also, celebrated their birthday month, yes month. And also named their dog after themselves. Not even jr, or a short various of their name like T for Trey or Sam in Samantha, it was their full name)

[@mike-ology22]

@@specialtwice4975 it feels weird once you study this stuff and can see it happening in real time. A whole birthday month? Wow, must have been a busy time! The dog is funny, Sir ..... I was given a cat and gave it my old nickname. Spent hours with him training him up, waking up at night hearing him fight with a group of 3 mountain cats from Dubai. Non stop on the lookout for over a year. We split up and I wanted to take my cat. She said, I didn't buy it for you, I bought it for the family, you can't do that to the kids. Her oldest son got bitten by the dog because he kept torturing it flicking water on it. They spent no time with him, but he turned out to be a really cool cat. They often like taking glory for other people's hard work too, it's embarrassing the lies tell.pthers right in front of your face. You never did that! Lol. It's good people are waking up and doing their own research

[@mike-ology22]

@@specialtwice4975 what was the exact moment where you discovered that person was a narcissist? I was thinking of creating a list of discoveries to help people quickly identify if the person they suspect is a narcissist. For instance, eating a brunch at a new restaurant. I said to her, shall we go out and grab a breakfast? She said yes. We looked online and found a local cafe. On arrival I looked at the menu and it was quite pricey and said maybe it wasn't such a good idea. She said that she wanted to stay. Okay. She then goes on to order the most expensive items on the menu. I would jave been happy with a breakfast baguette for £4.50 each. Not paying £35 for subpar food I could have bought from the farm shop. Much nicer and still cheaper. We parked across the road which was return within 30mins. A big group of people came in and needed the seats. I quickly went and paid and we drove off, chilled put and watched a film. I allocate spending money to use for the week and we decided to go out and grab some snacks. I went to pay and my card declined. Oh yeah the breakfasts, so I said to her, what are doing about the breakfast earlier? We're we going halves? She stormed off in the shop and when I got in the car she went mental. You could see her about to snap. Saying how she felt cheated being asked to go for a breakfast and then wsiting all day then asking for the money when I should know she doesn't have that much money and she needs to budget. I then went onto to say that I didn't offer to pay. I asked shall we leave because it is quite expensive for what it is. I usually cook farm shop breakfast and the average breakfast in a cafe cost about £8 which is reasonable. She then goes onto to say that it's the man's job to pay for everything, to ask her out on dates all the time to make the first move in bed so she can choose or reject. Having dominance. I said it should be equal, we should both feel wanted and loved within a relationship. Oh princess Michael wants me to take him out. All in front of her 16 year old boy who she called in for backup. The same boy she treated like crap growing up because she totally isn't interested in parenting. While I am and do parent the kids but in the end its still their mother so the only thing left to do is leave.

[@stevefrazier2214]

Bro thanks for sharing. Can’t make that stuff up! You’re clearly not a narcissist. You’re a realist. Shit is what it is. Yes there appears to be magic forces keeping us alive, for some reasons.

[@Purple9721.]

I wasn't prepared for what happens at 0:18 😂 your editing has changed a lot. That was funny

[@lynneleverton8825]

I have to agree the "narcissist" word is thrown around way too much and it does demean the damage these monsters have done to others!!

[@tbcfrankee]

Narcissism helped me recover from ocpd. I was constantly anxious about how I appeared to others so I focused on how I appear to myself

[@deezelfairy]

The fact you are watching a video called 'are you a narcissist' and looking up the traits for self improvement means in reality your 99% not likely to have NPD 😂

[@pryzmcat]

Not true. Narcs will come to these videos, absolutely. They love to play with people. It's what they do. It's what they are. A covert narc might tell a sob story on a channel like this, just to get attention. They may even convey methods to deal with a narc. But if you pay attention, they will often tell you to behave like a narc does. And also they love to destroy people. So they will convince you that, whoever you are dealing with is a narc, you will run to them for help..and you just got played. You will heap praise upon your savior..and he sucks it all up.

[@TheAwakenOne-wn5nx]

That's not necessarily true. You could be looking up traits to verify if you're one or not so you CAN self improve. You got that all wrong man. Hey i would know i am one.

[@deezelfairy]

@@TheAwakenOne-wn5nx Vast majority of narcissists have no interest in self improvement because in their eyes they are not flawed - everybody else is. So you're part of the 1%, congratulations and good for you (mean that sincerely) however, that doesn't mean I'm wrong. An exception doesn't disprove the rule.

[@shaulyfriedland4244]

I wish it were ture man. So badly.

[@bobsagett]

Yeah I had a buddy who was an extreme narcissist he pretty much checks off all the boxes

[@trishamorris5097]

Just another one of Richard's powerful lessons hitting the nail on the head ❤

[@pd4916]

Amazing Richard. Thank you. Currently breaking up with a covert narcissist. (Also had two previous relationships with a grandiose and covert) Now I am learning. I'm an empath with a codependency program running. (Childhood trauma of feeling abandoned and hypersensitivity to others emotional states). I'm also working on my anxious attachment and depression. Alot to face, but with people like yourself I'm confident I can come out of this stronger. Thank you

[@Mellington89]

I broke up with a covert narcissist, I just left and went no contact. One of the hardest days of my life, but I haven't looked back. I've suffered attachment issues and terribly back depression and anxiety. And that was because of them. I've been the happiest I've ever been in a very very veeeeeeeery long time. I learnt about this and went down the rabbit hole and best thing I ever did.

[@marikothecheetah9342]

That fawning, people pleaser wanting to know if they are narcissist - that's me. And yes, I was worried about being a narcissist for a while now but I can finally put this question away with the knowledge I am not. Thank you.

[@lindsaywalton3254]

Thank you Richard!!!! I have watched many and I mean many of these types of vlogs on KZbin. Today I had an OMG moment especially when you got to the red pill, blue pill section. I made the break 2 years ago from my mother who continually enforced that I was the problem drawing in other family members and friends. It only took me 58 years to realise 😢 I could do nothing to change her opinion of me. I have heard from various sources that for those past 2 years she has been plotting how to further punish me when I come crawling back. Although I am immensely sad I know I made the right decision for my sanity. And can happily say loud and proud I AM NOT A NARCISSIST. Once again thank you.

[@kanemclaren5991]

Ahhh yes, yes I most likely am. Also part empath. Dual natured. Depending on my life choices, actions, behaviours and habits then either my narcissistic side or my empathetic side comes out to play. Sometimes a combo of both. Fun times. Great nutrition, relationships, sleep and natural, life affirming habits definitely lean me towards my empathetic side. Poor versions of the above often leads to my fearful, narc side emerging. I will choose to consciously nourish and strengthen my empathetic, other~centred side more from now on.

[@celeste8157]

It sounds like maybe you're a narcissistic person, NOT a full-on diagnosable narcissist

[@brendDun]

This nailed it.

[@thislittleweirdgirl332]

Covert Narcissists are so much harder to define. My Ex husband fit ALL of these, and he questioned if he was a narcissist, even went so far as to proclaim one night that he was probably a psychopath. For me, I didn’t really understand how he could be narcissistic until I realized his lack of compassion and empathy for others. All he did was project. But it was confusing, because he was not a grandiose narcissist. He had the feelings of superiority, but covered it with feelings of shame and inadequacy. He had the sense of entitlement, but also covered this with feelings of self-consciousness. He was terrified of people leaving him, and would guilt trip me constantly. He’s artistic and an Enneagram type 4, so I have struggled with knowing. This video… this was him to a T… like all of it…

[@virginiastrother4098]

Oh my god you explained my late husband almost exactly. He fit all traits except he didn’t try to isolate me, and he DId care half of the time. The other half when he was triggered and angry he would lose sight of everything and have NO rational thinking. But yes he was arrogant but also insecure. He wasn’t grandiose

[@fainitesbarley2245]

Grandiosity can manifest as being the Most Victimised Victim ever. Also paranoia is grandiose because it’s all about you.

[@samuelhatlestad6676]

Sounds like me lol. I have empathy often and feel deep emotions and other times i just don't feel them. At least not sad ones.

[@cyndrellawhitley7062]

That could be borderline p.d. if they're scared of someone leaving them.

[@thislittleweirdgirl332]

@@cyndrellawhitley7062 true. NPD, BD, ADHD, and psychopathy all exhibit similar traits. Also, people with attachment disorders. Psychopathic killers have even engaged in cannibalism to feel that their victim is with them forever.

[@marianl6877]

Thank you so much for this. It looks like this kind of self-doubt is a common response that a lot of people go through when they (finally) realize they're involved in a narcissistic relationship. I'm going through it right now and have been questioning myself for days, going back and forth, etc. It's an absolute mind f but I'm starting to understand exactly what I'm dealing with and reading up on NPD in all its forms. For me, it's my brother who I've always been really close to...I'm now starting to realize that the only reason we were close was because he considered me his supply... The devastation I'm feeling cannot be understated.

[@TristanCastor]

*hug* you are brave for facing these truths. they are absolutely messing with my head too! I was the narc supply for my Mom.

[@patriciavanwinkle3693]

GREAT VIDEO. I choose venerability, and lead a horrific life. Now I am 66 and on the road to recovery. Thank you Richard for sharing your knowledge.

[@iamcannabus]

I'm so glad I came across a short of a guy that mentioned your videos at the end. He has a large following and noted that he wasn't paid to say it at all, just that you really did help him out with your videos as well. This has been something I've been worried about in myself for a long time, but obviously I never took the time to look into it. It's something that's made me uneasy anytime things wouldn't necessarily go the best way they could have and I would leave myself to blame myself. I don't think I'm a narcissist, I think I've just allowed my kindness to be taken advantage of. Although it's just in my nature to be kind, I really had to develop boundaries, and it seems I still need to develop more

[@Vungiel]

What bothers me is since I was accused of being a narc by someone I deeply cared about, despite never feeling like a narc, despite watching different videos on different channels, taking all kinds of online tests, even despite that two therapists that told me, that no, I am not one I still question myself. The thought just doesn't want to go away, and I don't know how to heal from this.

[@LightAndShaddow5]

You said you never feel like a narcissist yet you persistently have the thought. How are those two different for you?

[@Vungiel]

@@LightAndShaddow5 Maybe I used wrong words: I never analysed myself from the perspective of "am I a narcissist?" before I was accused of being one. That caused me to start thinking about it, and trying to find the answer: maybe I am the problem? I went through lots of tests and questions, with negative results, and I still keep questioning myself.

[@LightAndShaddow5]

@@Vungiel My gut feeling says you are not.

[@Vungiel]

@@LightAndShaddow5 I hope You're right. Thanks!

[@louisegarner8888]

You've probably been scapegoated, narcs use projective identification to dump their shame onto us so we end up thinking we're them. Scapegoats are often shamed and socially excluded by those who've endured the same and have themselves become controlling in order to restore the balance. It can become a toxic pattern of beliefs we pass on generationallly. "Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.” ~ Nietzsche. Place your focus back onto you. Focus fully on your vivid and real truth with quiet and confident inner conviction and allow it to overlay everything else. 💖✌️

[@BeautifulZeroUK]

Sometimes I think that a narcissist would watch these videos to learn about it so they could go better undetected

[@waithakahrukuh6221]

Or it also enhances their tactics, strengthens their narcissism. They become better in manipulation too.

[@BrillPappin]

The point is not for them, it's for us to recognize it when it's happening to us.

[@KingLike8]

I don’t think a narc even knows he or she is one

[@BrillPappin]

​@@KingLike8I've actually talked to one that knew. He talked about it matter of factly. I suspect some don't know, but some have a diagnosis, and do know.

[@dominiknewfolder2196]

My ex-wife acknowledged that she is narcissist by going into rage and contempt when I asked her about finances. From then on she covertly attacked my by provoking low levels of my anger. After some time I was done because my angers started to become unmanageable. Warning: narcissist may use your anger against you.

[@user-uv2xf3oy1d]

Sounds like you’re the narcissist

[@vatsalsompura8071]

@@user-uv2xf3oy1dwhy do you say that? Usually narcs love getting a rise out of others, which is what his wife tried doing…

[@WorthlessDeadEnd]

@@user-uv2xf3oy1d Again, watch the whole, entire video and learn what the 9 signs are Use the acronym “SPECIAL ME” to remember the nine signs of NPD. SPECIAL ME *S* ense of self-importance *P* reoccupation with power, beauty, or success *E* ntitled *C* an only be around people who are important or special *I* nterpersonally exploitative for their own gain *A* rrogant *L* ack empathy *M* ust be admired *E* nvious of others or believe that others are envious of them

[@tomnolan4146]

Ive been clinically diagnosed with BPD, after decades of living in chaos and bad decisions. I always just thought i was a shit person. After being diagnosed with BPD (and other psych disorders ie: co-morbidity) my whole world view changed. It didnt make me "better" but i found how to take the first step on my recovery journey. There is often a link with people with BPD getting into relationships with people with NPD, im not sure why but its common. If you"re curious or worried that you might have a condition like NPD, or any other cluster-B disorder then get help. Its worth the effort. Richard explains complex psych problems/disorders very, very well.

[@wolfman2100]

Vulnerability vs Fantasy. The way this was described is very powerful. My fantasy was always an escape into video games and anime. When I try to work on my self image, I’ve always tried to do it in a healthy way, and on occasion when it does come under attack I sometimes do react harshly. The last few years though I started to notice being very bored with my version of fantasy and my vulnerability is starting to overcome my every waking/sleeping moment and it hurts so much. I sometimes find myself starting to run back to fantasy, but then I realize how boring that actually is and return to moving through vulnerability (reality).

[@jmparchives8826]

I was in a relationship with a younger woman with severe childhood trauma and abuse. Her parents were drug addicts, and she experienced abuse in foster care. I, on the other hand, grew up in Ap classes and GATE programs, so although I try to be humble, I do see myself as more intelligent than many people. My ex always played the victim role, and I allowed things that I never thought I would tolerate because I blamed the childhood abuse. I’m very codependent. I do seek validation through others. I can read the 9 traits and identify with aspects of many of them besides lack of empathy. I have no idea at this point if it’s her, me, or both of us that are narcissists. The only main quality I don’t understand is her refusal to take accountability and seeming lack of remorse for anything. Apologies are “I’m sorry you feel that way”. I identify with the idea of psychosis trying to understand it all!

[@ArtemWeekly]

this red pill - blue pill analogy is awesome

[@pumpkyns5310]

Thanks for the great video! I was wondering if you would share any insight on why people with CPTSD from narcissistic abuse often suffer with ongoing feelings of not being heard throughout their lives, even after the abuse stops, please?

[@Miss.kittty]

This is a very honest and down to earth video. Thank you for your insight. My ex narc made me ill physically. We were together 30 years. I divorced him 14 years ago. I feel so much better. I've spent the past 14 yrs looking after myself at 61. i realised how much i love my own company. Thank you for the video ❤

[@chileigh9412]

Thank you Richard. After being raised by a narcissistic step parent from ages 9-17 and have endured a narcissistic relationship for the past 6 months. It has triggered me immensely and I started to turn inwards and really start to analyse myself. I now see that I am not the narcissist, but am trapped in a cycle of empathetic echoism. Thank you so much for this video. It helped me see that I am not the problem and I need to listen to my body and willpower from the get go. I would reccommend some reading for others feeling this echoism trait. "MAKE YOUR BED- W. MC.RAVEN and THE BODY KEEPS THE SCORE" These have been great at helping me understand myself and my body, the stress response, set boundaries and learn to put myself first. I wish everyone struggling relief and wisdom. You can do this!!!🎉

[@soliel5680]

I feel like I was on the brink of this in childhood, but I made a consciousness design to practice vulnerability and compassion before too much of myself was wrapped up in that. And yeah, the blue/red pill analogy wasn't too far off how I felt, but I was also disassociating at the time heavily. Maybe being someone with NPD requires a high level of disassociation most of the time?

[@soliel5680]

@sludgerat3715 No, no it doesn't. It either makes people become retreat so far into their minds that they become (usually) toxic and reactive NPCs for the rest of their life, only coming out of it occasionally, or it leaves a lot of trauma to go through and unpack and a lot of introspective thinking to just break even with everyone else. As an adult I am constantly monitoring myself and making sure I don't do something stupid and hurtful on "autopilot mode," which I have done before and I am constantly examining my behavior to understand what caused certain behaviors. I am also highly susceptible to a grandiose perception of myself and other tendencies highly correlative to narcissism. I even scored a 17 on the NPI (narcissistic personality inventory), which is still in normal ranges but too high for comfort. I believe my disassociation fed into that tendency and perhaps in the past I may have even of met the technical definitions of NPD. I will say however, even my strong disassociation couldn't completely shut down my empathy, which is my desired response to experiencing trauma or seeing someone else in distress (something I force myself to manually override to prevent the fall into bystander affect). That empathy is the only thing that saved me and prevented my mind from slipping away entirely.

[@noelafflick9945]

No I'm an empath who will go dark empath when pushed.

[@pickle9753]

Me too. Very dark if pushed, or if I see some one else being pushed or poked at. I used to think I was possibly the narc…my ex fiancé had me convinced for years that I was the problem for being bothered by his bad behaviour

[@liabeachy]

I need to learn more about the dark empath ?

[@samulik3]

Its all narc. Its all about distorted self image.

[@pickle9753]

⁠@@samulik3hypersensitivity can fall under a few different cluster b personality types…and is more likely to probably be a ptsd or cptsd trauma response and the person may very likely not even be on any spectrum of personality disorders. How can it be a personality disorder if it can be healed with therapy and treatment? 😳

[@pickle9753]

I should have said…I’m a very sensitive human (Fuckn fibromyalgia has me feeling the weather or stress physically now, and every dam thing around me like a pin cushion) who will go dark very fast if pushed or if I see some one pushing some one else, or hurting or abusing a child or animal. ….I guess is what I meant 😉

[@HansJrgenFurfjord]

Glad to see this video, I worried I might be a narsissist because I like all sorts of expensive things and look down on stupid people, but I'm in all the ways brought up in this video the opposite of a narsissist, probably even to a fault. Now I can turn on my loathing for narsissist to full blast and never again worry I'm one of them. Haha.

[@MinkaSchlossberger4ever]

Thank You, that Made me Lough so loud!!!

[@MinkaSchlossberger4ever]

Thank You, that Made me laugh a Lot!!!😂

[@Baistegenx]

My compassion is limited to actual injustice. Not people that destroy their own lives and want sympathy

[@flash_flood_area]

Well, than I don't think that's really compassion

[@Baistegenx]

@@flash_flood_area when you watch someone destroy themselves and everyone else around them, you'll mature and understand

[@SkyGreg101]

I know this video isn’t new, but thank you anyways. I’ve been struggling with these thoughts and I’ve finally found something online that can relay to me the message I’ve known was true for years. I come from a family of narcissistic people, and I must be the change. Please keep informing people, it’s gods work.

[@noelwalterso2]

Many of the people that complain about narcissistic behavior in others often seem, to me, to be quite narcissistic themselves.

[@selfishbirch]

Many people who have been bitten by dogs, to me, look like they can bite people themselves, is as sensitive and reasonable thing to say as in the comment above

[@brians3948]

My wife’s parents were everything wrong with parenting. Mine were everything healthy with parenting. Now I live in hell and she lives in fantasy world. How sweet

[@tempestous-i3k]

I will say I'm aware my ex lives in a world of shit of his own creation and abusing me lost him everything truly worth anything. I was a lot to lose. There is no ego there, I just know what I had to offer and what I did offer w an open and full heart.