5 Mind Games Narcissists Play | Narcissistic Abuse

[@Althea1111]

See DARVO, deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. Blame shifting, gaslighting behavior of the narcissist.

[@charlotterodgers9168]

Dr Ramani teaches this and its so accurate

[@jaredmello]

That’s a good one

[@lindajoyrainbowneal5609]

... devil-carryin' hellions, in denial re their upcoming appointment ... (-_'|

[@yanajohnson5776]

What do you do if the child is the narcissist and you are the mother?

[@KristonMahr]

It was always subliminal comparisons, never directly stating something, even after years of no contact they presume to know everything about me.

[@1RPJacob]

_The moment you stop giving s$it about whether the relationship works or not, they lose their power to manipulate you._

[@roberthunton8175]

Yeah that's true in my case grief was what freed me from a narcissist when I was grieving her true colours were revealed a week after my grandmother's funeral I walked away never looking back I got that "you will never find anyone better than me" speech I checked out when she asked me "is there someone else" she was with me that morning when the doctor told me my grandmother was dying

[@debbiehepler2007]

Exactly. And they hate that.

[@Variant1on1]

This is so true.

[@IFYOUWANTITGOGETIT]

💯

[@lalani888ARTblue]

That's true. However they use that opportunity as well to continue doing things to make sure you feel devalued. They never stop. Best thing is to get rid of them. Period. Purge your home, your life of ALL the trash

[@WandaGlodowski]

Nobody talks about loneliness you experience when you break from that person. This is especially sad when you are old and have no one else.

[@nikivasileva552]

You have yourself and that's enought.

[@shirleyann245]

You also have God, authentic, truthful, and forgiving

[@f.frederickskitty2910]

Hugs to you Wanda ❤

[@sharonappleton22]

You're right, it's a sad time. I'll send a hug to you 💞

[@SmartSwitch-tc5mp]

​@@shirleyann245God? 😂

[@steel811]

My personal favorite is the “we already talked about this” and “stop living in the past and get over it” when the issue was never fully resolved

[@acolley2891]

Or they are still doing the thing " in the past". And you actually "never talked about" anything, just got a word salad.

[@roberttaylor9334]

That's when it's time to pull up your boots and get out of there...😮

[@rynickhenderson296]

Tell them this…$I’ll stop living in the past when you stop making it the present. Say let’s play a game.. what ever you want me to do you do it first for two years then I’ll do it. Say you would never stand for this… so I’m not either. Every thing is bc of you… so say everything is bc of them. Be that mirror.

[@marniepowell948]

Deep

[@EvgeniiaDolinenko]

So true❤

[@shirleyscott1600]

Never tell them what they do that makes you feel bad. They will only do it more.

[@shirleymason3853]

@@shirleyscott1600 I was going to say that, but I did warn my daughters to never tell a man what someone did to hurt you (feelings) or made you feel broken they WILL without fail use it against you!!

[@aliciakellysmith5482]

This might sound petty if you do not garden, nurturing things from seed like fruit trees, in planters, or garden, but narcissistic husband asks me to tell him what "belongs, claiming he will let it live." BUT reality is that when my back is turned, he either twists its main trunk so it will never grow right, or snips it down to a nub which kills it or totally distorts its growth, or outright poisons it and all the ground around them also killing the spring & summer bulbs, but ALWAYS DENIES DOING ANY OF IT. He takes sick joy in asking me to come out to the garden to allegedly admire something he has done - like waiting for the brambles, grapes or vegetable to produce fruit that has to ripen, and he snips all the plants to the same height, loosing the entire crop, while exclaiming, " Doesn't that look so much better!" Liked to call him an idiot, but he knows EXACTLY WHAT HE IS DOING. If I forget myself, and ask him to take care not to do something - 1st chance he gets, he runs put and does exactly what I asked him not to do, then waits for my emotions, hoping I will be angered at him. Worse, he gets together with his mom over the phone, and she's worse than him, but reassures him that their absurd & treacherous behavior is TOTALLY NORMAL, and it is the world that stupidly does not appreciate their "terror."😢 These videos and several other series about Narcissists are dead on. Wished I had found them sooner.

[@EBR1]

Ain't that the truth!

[@Smjourney1223]

So true 👍

[@shirleymason3853]

I know I am alone now but no one is berating me or belittling me I have been alone for years now, I don’t get out much anymore and I get the loneliness, but then I talk to my brother who made sure that he got all the proceeds from the sale of my parents home Which he sold for 100.000 and it’s now worth 3,million and he has a wife who is mean to him all the time, yet I still love him and I didn’t even realize that he had gotten the place out in his name . He hurt me yet I want him to be loved and okay I’m still hurt but I have feelings for the last of my “beginner” core family what are you gonna do I tell myself i’m going to live until i don’t

[@jayh4830]

“Abandon sincere communication, when you are communicating with the terminally insincere”. Words to live by

[@JohnMoreno1958]

True.

[@salgar1234]

Yeah I keep getting caught up in this one! Those people who seem like they are interested in having a meaningful conversation, until you start talking and then they instantly turn off!! They have no interest in hearing what you have to say.

[@dmoon5150]

This!.. and don't over explain when they throw accusations your way that you know are not true. They only want a reaction. This one is still hard for me and I've been out for 10 years now. Out of the blue, he will text something that happened 20 years ago or he will tell me he did something that he knows will hurt me when he did not actually do the thing. I finally figured out, he just wants to stress me the fuck out and he did this our entire 23 year marriage.

[@irishrose1970cr]

Lots of people are like this. Especially when they ask about you or what's wrong. They start looking away, change conversation, belittle your feelings, their situation is worse than yours, toxic positivity, etc. It's all about gossip and general chit chat. It's so hard to find real depth and compassion anywhere.

[@cynthiawhite1122]

@@irishrose1970cr Yes, those that do not understand and give you a bunch of unsolicited advice really pissed me off. I have since weeded out many "friends." while building up my "true tribe."

[@EvgeniiaDolinenko]

I told my narcissist about my childhood trauma. And I regretted it soon. Never never talk about your traumas until you see it's a normal person, not a narcissist. 😢

[@miliblossom1602]

True❤

[@eto111le]

Don’t claim them as “yours” they don’t deserve to be anywhere near your energy ❤️‍🩹

[@NatureRelaxation87]

Mine told to get over it😢

[@TheStoicArmyPainter]

i told my wife one time i slept with an older woman out of paint and loss of a past relationship and she reminds me of it weekly. :(

[@come_on_barbie_123]

I'd never do it period! It only makes one exploit the trauma (especially if it's a man). Your comment is exactly why

[@lolab1643]

If u feel constantly confused and upset and miserable you are dealing with a narc. Get them out of your life and never go back ❤

[@elanawrot9889]

Yes, confusion, all the time, constantly, it's draining so much

[@lolab1643]

@@elanawrot9889 I had it for 14 years.. he was my best friend and the love of my life . Thought I’d never get over him… but I did! And I’m much happier, at peace and healthier now . The key is acceptance and NO contact. Ever again .. as much as you love them it is just not possible for them to change.

[@paulaw9764]

And when it's your own Son, imagine trying or having to walk away... 😭

[@lolab1643]

@@paulaw9764 So difficult for you. My mother is bipolar and a narc. I walked away from her constant drama years ago and life is better… but then I got involved with another one and went through it all again! I can spot them a mile away now… Don’t think I’d be able to let go if it were my kids though.. good luck to you with your son 💛

[@paulaw9764]

@@lolab1643 I didn't think life could get any tougher, but when you're reduced to feeling like nothing as a person, then something has to change. Even if that change also hurts like hell. You end up not knowing what's up or what's down or sideways anymore and I'm done with it. All the best to you, maybe things will come right for us eventually 🙏❤️

[@Hss-q3h]

All I know about narcissists is this…. Once you “See it”, ie.. the “abuse”, you cannot ever “unsee” it.

[@pamelagibson470]

@@Hss-q3h Amen to that

[@Melusi_Nyathi]

Very true.

[@Jennybird75]

I actually googled what verbal/emotional abuse was after he discarded me Thursday. I knew I felt abused but didn’t realize he was a narcissist. Now I do and it makes the entire situation make sense.

[@Lokogerrysfoodandtravel]

💯 🎯

[@Adam-qz3wh]

What's messed up is how long it can take to fully grasp the extent of the abuse. If that's even possible.

[@shannon8315]

It's a happy and sad realization to know you're not the only one dealing with these emotionally damaged, soul sucking, people eaters.

[@marielaedgar8759]

Absolutely! Thank you!!!

[@shannon8315]

@desertmandan123 It's exhausting to the victims.

[@shannon8315]

@desertmandan123 it's amazing how once we're aware of narcissistic behavior, you see it a lot more than you realize and accepted before. It's nice to be aware.

[@marie-pierre1789]

In my case I started to heal when I realised I attracted these kind of people and why.

[@shawright9273]

YES IM ON A FOG OT HURTS😢

[@jolesliewhitten6545]

When you see a person is a narcissist, plan quietly and run. Don’t go back. They WILL hurt you.

[@goldenautumn3073]

Yes, totally. Absolute cutting ALL contact, and keeping it that way , even if you have to get the Law to ensure it, has to happen if you want to get their sickening control out of your life.

[@melissawilliams1050]

RUN is right! Never turn back!

[@Venomonomonom]

There ARE good ppl with NPD tho. Some ppl with cluster-B get help bc they want it. Also, nobody is evil. Some ppl being difficult and selfish can be a result of disorders. If someone is even a psychopathic villain, they're simply a result of their environment and nature.

[@jullietmburu9672]

@@Venomonomonom There's a reason why they get the bad rap - they've EARNED it 💯 There are other disorders, including cluster C and A, and yet still, cluster B are the ones who are predatory and lack empathy and intentionally hurt people to get their way. Only cluster B will seek out a person, manipulate purely to use and discard and NOT see a problem with that. For them love is equal to how much you are willing to be used. They also seek out fellow disordered people (mostly cluster C) and use them because, they are easily manipulated and attached. Ain't no saving some monsters. We appreciate scorpions and wasps, but you don't see anyone trying to pet or cozy up to them - because to hurt you is part of their NATURE. We also want those we love to be far far away from wasps and scorpions, and only professionals are able to deal with them. So is the same with cluster B.

[@djbabyv]

Not if i hurt him first

[@issievdhorst]

They NEVER give you closure.

[@nicolerymarenko7726]

Ugh, sad realization but It's something we have to accept.

[@clintonnagy1662]

NOPE. They want to see you squirm. They love the control.

[@jeffreypmitchell]

Closure is a myth. The myth is damaging to you.

[@catherinegrout1513]

You don't have to wait for them to Give You Closure. You can put an end to the relationship and move on with your life.

[@suzanneorbellmeyer4823]

Nope, not even on their death bed. NEVER! I know first hand. He died 8 years ago.

[@KatherineGrey-pz9on]

Narcissists move VERY fast in relationships. It's not uncommon to hear, “I love you", and/or be bombarded with love songs/texts/memes a few weeks after meeting them. By rushing into sex/intimacy, they fast-forward the relationship. They get their targets to fall for them before he/she can realize something is amiss. I believe this is also the reason they tend to be VERY good lovers. Sex is usually the “hook” in toxic relationships. Narcissists lack genuine personalities. So, they mirror their targets. If you find you have “so much in common" with a new person, your likes are their likes, and your dislikes are coincidentally their dislikes as well, raise your antennas! They may be mirroring you. This is the “soulmates" hook… You'll also notice that they'll spend more time telling you who they are, verses showing you. As time goes on, you'll notice the words they used to describe themselves do not fit their personality - at all. But, they will fit YOURS!!! Passive-aggressive behavior and irrational/unexplained anger, are also major red flags. Pay attention to how a person treats you the first time you say, “No”, and/or when things don't go their way… If they give you the silent treatment, grow cold, and/or pull away, do not overlook it! Most importantly, if someone pulls away, or goes silent, after you set a boundary - DO NOT pursue them! This is how they groom you to be the chaser in the relationship. It's emotional abuse/manipulation! Pay close attention to people who portray themselves as victims. NOTHING is EVER their fault! EVERYONE, including the family pet, has done them wrong… ALL of their ex's are “crazy” and mistreated them… They’re great, but no one appreciates said greatness… Simply put, it's bullshit! No one should have a laundry list of bad experiences. If they do, RUN, because they're the common denominator! Narcissists tend to have a history of failed/short-term relationships. Believe it or not, it's hard for Narcissists to find people to deal with them long term due to their instability and poor behavior… Superficial relationships/friendships. I've noticed they don't have anyone they're genuinely close to. This is due to their inability to bond and form true attachments to people. Their relationships are shallow and based on surface-level bs. They'll refer to someone as their bestfriend, but you’ll notice they barely speak. Or, that the person is never really around. Or, only shows up when it's time to party, etc. They may also speak down on/poorly of said “bestfriend” behind their back. Narcissists tend to be condescending, two-faced and downright mean! Based on my experience, they cannot talk about deep subjects (i.e. fears/emotions). Or, how a situation truly made them feel. Or, what their childhood was like in detail… They don't want to go there. I suspect, it's because they can't. They don't know themselves well enough. They can't connect. They also live in a world of dishonesty. They're very dishonest with themselves about who they truly are. A poor relationship with their Mother/primary caregiver. Underlying issues between Narcissists and their Mother's (abuse, neglect, don’t get along, etc.), seems to be common. People that I've known who've displayed strong Narcissistic tendencies, ALL had bad relationships with their Mothers! I think it's worth mentioning, their Mother's also displayed strong Narcissistic traits… I'm fully aware and understand that there are healthy adults who have toxic Mother's. However, if you're spotting several red flags in an individual, including this one, pay closer attention! They're selfish! Some are selfish from the very beginning. Some start out generous and slowly begin withholding. Some act helpless and needy. They manipulate people into doing things for them, but never give back. It's not only financial and material selfishness. They're selfish emotionally, affectionately, conversationally. sexually and with their attention. They withhold validation and support. EVERYTHING has to be about them, their needs, their wants and everything happens on their terms. Anger, rage, silent treatments and disappearing acts are common - when they don't get their way. Pathological lying. Narcissists are professional liars. It's their second nature. If you call them out, they'll have no issue staring deeply into your eyes as they tell another lie! You'll hardly ever get the truth. Even with unchallengeable proof of the truth, they'll hold on to the lie. It's actually quite fascinating to see them in action - once you know what you’re dealing with. They also have the uncanny ability to provoke doubt in their victims (even when you KNOW the truth), because their lies are so convincing! Beware of people who do not seek conflict resolution. Many Narcissists enjoy drama/chaos! Remember, these are high-conflict personalities. Many of them NEED to argue and fight! Peace to a narcissist, is what chaos is to non-disordered people - unsettling. This is why they repeat behaviors that trigger a negative response. They need tension, anger and high/out of control emotions. They're known for calling people crazy, drama queens, insecure, etc., but never admit what they did to provoke those responses. And, when you attempt to discuss/resolve something, THEY said/did, they’ll gaslight, stonewall and/or flip it back on to you. They're extremely disrespectful, rude and lack self-awareness. They have an issue with being called out on their behavior and project/deflect to avoid accountability. “Normal” people want to get along, for the most part. So, they seek fair compromises when conflict arises. Narcissists want to “win” and conflict IS their niche. This is how many Narcissists get their way - they wear people down via conflict. Immaturity. It’s one thing to be playful and lighthearted (in appropriate settings), as an adult. It’s something completely different to be immature. Narcissists suffer from arrested development. They do not know how to respond to situations/people/stress/life appropriately. They have a child-like mindset. They truly believe everything is about them and have no concept of the needs of others. By nature, children are takers. They have no concept of reciprocation. They believe their Parents (and everyone else), exists to meet their needs. When their needs aren’t met, or they don’t get what they want, they become mean and throw tantrums. Narcissists cannot think outside of themselves and their wants/needs - like children. They’re completely unaware that people are individuals with their own agency, needs, wants, opinions... They truly believe people exist to serve them. They believe their job is to receive. They’re children trapped in adult bodies, who cannot consider anything/anyone other than themselves! Above everything I've stated, trust your intuition! Narcissists give off an uneasy vibe. They try very hard to appear cool, calm and collected - on the surface. But, you can feel their energy. It's very off-putting. They also tend to have more noticeable negative qualities, than most people. But, you have to stop justifying and making excuses, in order to see things clearly. Accept people for who they are and not who you want them to be. Observe, listen and trust yourself. No one should be allowed to grant themselves a position in your life. Vet people and YOU decide if they'll be a liability, or an asset, to you. Lastly, take cues from your body. If you ever feel your mood changing, feel anxious or feel your stomach knot up, in the company of someone, don't dismiss it! It could be a sign that you're in bad company!!! Additionally, If you suspect cheating or other forms of manipulation and need to gather evidence for your own peace of mind, you may consider reaching out for assistance. For more information, you can contact: Barryinvestigation@gmail. com.

[@dianeoconnor9031]

Thank you 🙏🙏🙏❤

[@wolfenspeign]

Thank-you for writing something so thoughtful, clearly from experience, likely some pain (or a lot?) -- and being able to reflect on, think-through, see the patterns and point out how to be aware of these things. Personally, later into Life, both my younger brother and myself have had hundreds of conversations about our .. horrific acidic very narcissist delusional mother, from the Roller coaster drama of our childhoods/teens, and later into our mother hating every single girlfriend we had, and finally to being horrible to our wives. From early in our lives I've always self reflected and thought "My god, I never ever want to become the monsters my Mom and Dad have been" , especially when my Brother and I observed time and again if my Parents had a disagreement with friends { silent treatment/ Gaslighting / manipulation etc } However something I struggle with today Is the slow realization that my own actual emotions are somewhat stunted, (from Trauma I'm told) It's a great benefit at work having 'thick skin' but in matters of the heart, or life at home with my Wife I sometimes realize 'Oh frik i'm being a selfish ass'. And try to correct for it. Something you pointed out that is important, is the child analogy of "The World revolves around me, vs understanding the natural mature form of benevolent, kind reciprocation. In recent years (I'm 45 now...) I'm starting to wake up and notice how some people have poor reciprocation, or in some cases don't seem to even have a natural inclination for it? How odd? What could that be? Anyway, appreciate your longform post. Thank-you

[@grabbelton]

​@@0QualityOverQuantityThis...

[@honuohana8643]

@katherinegrey-pz9on Did you just copy and paste this comment from Richard’s other video? Another user left this comment on Oct 30th. So weird to steal someone else’s words and repost without credit.

[@PoisonelleMisty4311]

Now, you go on and let the haters know! You’re not playing their games, baby! 💅🏽✨

[@robinchilds7492]

He ended the relationship because of my boundaries. I calmly walked away and went no contact.

[@AA-xh8pk]

Best thing you’ve done for yourself

[@TruthSeekress2012]

Lucky for you.

[@PoisonelleMisty4311]

When they first swoop in, it’s all flowers and romance, showering you with affection! But this is just a tactic to reel you in. Once they’ve got you hooked, watch out! Those sweet words turn into sharp daggers when you try to assert yourself! Don’t fall for the hype, darling-it’s all a show!

[@donnadallariva8377]

He did you a big favor. So you would not be stuck in a narcissistic relationship any longer 🙏 that you come to complete healing recovery. Amen 🙏

[@Kvinnie424]

Abandon sincere communication when dealing with the insincere. 💯

[@reneeewens-bettridge8420]

Wise words!

[@biggrhymees88one]

What if you do the opposite consciously when it is clearly communication is not sincere?

[@jaiprakashagrawal3580]

Agree totally.❤👍😊🌹

[@mitziclark7488]

Sick mental cases

[@jaiprakashagrawal3580]

@@mitziclark7488 agree.sort of vampires..👍

[@youtubesucks5131]

"you start to BECOME them" - URGH. This definitely woke me up to a degree

[@clintonnagy1662]

Absolutely. I was being just like her. Blame shifting, gas lighting, and guilt tripping. I'm embarrassed. I didnt know it could happened but it did.

[@quetvnet]

I started questioning if I was also a narci 😮

[@tjhammer24]

This is a profound fact and the realization comes far down the line. Trusting yourself and accepting all the instinctive things you told yourself in the past about them and relationship is a key to breaking through. No longer gaslighting yourself!

[@suzanneorbellmeyer4823]

Yes, that is a true statement. You do become them, aarrrhhĥ

[@suzanneorbellmeyer4823]

But back then, I knew nothing about narcs, never ever heard the word. I have learnt about narcs after he died

[@shawnadeyo]

I got out of a relationship with a narcissist for 8 years. I quit dating for 2 years. I FINALLY started "dating" again. And wow. The first person I start talking to is already trying all these things. I am so incredibly grateful for these channels that teach us about these types of people.

[@TheMichellep66]

Same thing happened to me. I divorced my narcissist husband of 13 years, stopped dating for 4 years because of my fear of it happening again. Lo and behold I managed to find another one! I lived with him for 3 years and finally figured out that he was also a narcissist! I have done a lot of free youtube therapy and I now know that my lack of boundaries and playing the martyr got me to the same place. These videos have saved my life! It won't happen again!!!

[@eurolife7384]

ME too

[@MichaelMcDonald-r6h]

lol. Just getting out, and terrified of women and plan on at least 2 year break…. So terrified of being the person I was - a doormat for their lifestyle

[@patriciapage4625]

I think we tend to attract the same thing and we have let he or she go and try to find a good person

[@teodelfuego]

Same

[@sherryyoung2974]

Lived in this secret nightmare for 30yrs. Huge help to learn of this bizarre disorder. I call it my a secret hell because they are so talented at secretly abusing you whilst looking so charming to others. These videos are revelation!

[@carolsummers8734]

People mostly women would tell me how lucky I was to be married to him. But it was his facade in public, not what was real in our marriage and family.

[@marylusunshine]

so sorry you lived so long through this. i was married to a "vulnerable narcissist" which is much harder to identify--for 30 years also.

[@tamimann3828]

I can see why you stayed in the relationship so long. That would have most likely been me too as I have stayed with my vulnerable narcissist husband for 9 years and I have now separated from him in the past 2 months. This education is such a revelation to me. It has certainly helped me understand why this leaving him is so hard. I knew something wasn’t right with our marriage early on but because I was so ready to believe only the good I ignored the red flags. I had been happily married before for 28 years and he passed away so I knew that my current marriage shouldn’t be this hard. But, had it not been for the education I would still be in this weird, confusing marriage.

[@gracekangethe7969]

Wow!

[@kindGSL]

@@marylusunshine Me too, but it was only 23 years of marriage and another 15 years to get over it. The worst part is I also lost my kids; they haven't spoken to me for the whole15 years.

[@leahansel4596]

When the narc is your mother....on a whole other level. As a child, I had no frame of reference. Its taken 58 years to see the light. Thank you for your help!

[@oeaoo]

Same here. But I suspect she got not just narc thing. Very adaptive though.

[@lorrainenicoletti6232]

Same here 68 years in!! Isn’t it shocking not to know what was going on ? It’s only very recently that all this information and distinction regarding the abuser rather then victim , me , flipped it all around! Years of fix me therapy. Frustration, when knowledge, the deep dive on the games being played by these people gave me REAL POWER.

[@eagleeye2300]

I so understand, having been through the same thing. Both of my parents were narcissists. Consequently every romantic relationship I've had has been with narcissists. The last one so insane and damaging I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD what had been going on all my life. After leaving, it took me two years to be able to brush my teeth every day, and to bathe regularly. Only someone who's been through this would get it! Much love and strength to you. Live your best life now... That's my plan. We win by being who we are, and standing in the Light.

[@damanodrama]

My mom is a not the malignant kind of narcissist but the helicopter over controlling mom who never allowed me to be myself. She is disrespectful to the core but disguised by “duty and righteousness”. I had to turn Into a very thorny person so she would not get Inside of me and rearrange everything. Unfortunately, even she meant well, she was still emotionally toxic and manipulative so she was always the perfect good mother and I was the rebel. I feel a gut rejection and contempt towards her. I don’t feel love or wish to care for anything related to her But she keeps her tentacles all over my life. Smear me with everyone She portrays me as unfit to society and an unruled daughter who will always need a mother. But I don’t I am my own mother And she senses it And hates me for it Makes me pay for it I had overcome all this at old age But oh how much I wish I had the tools early on so I could defend myself properly So sad

[@oeaoo]

@@damanodrama so familiar. The funny thing is that it's just a set of narratives in their heads we believe and care about for some reason. They rely on our belief and in fact it's them who are dependant and dead without us, not visa versa. So, let's stay calm seeing and hearing all their garbage. It just does't touch anything as it's just all sick nonsense.

[@margorytheron552]

41 years I am married to a narcissistic husband who controlled me, cheated, verbally abused myself and my children, manipulated, lied etc etc. The saddest of all is that I have only learnt 6 months ago what a narcissistic personality is. I have always thought that he has a psychic dark side and needs help. Now I am standing up for myself, getting stronger.

[@marielaedgar8759]

It's taken me 23 years to awake! Now comes the healing...I'm trying to divorce him but it's so emotionally draining!

[@Nxtlvlfreq100]

You’re not alone. 37 years SMH

[@wednesday8397]

Sweetie, I GET it! I'm married to one (21 years now) and it thrills me that this video teaches us how to fight back instead of just identifying the narcissist. Some of these I've learned on my own, but most I didn't so this guy is AWESOME

[@lealina5030]

30 years. Exactly same experience. Now divorce in which, with the help of his lawyer, he tries to blame me for the exact same things he has done and I have not (cheating, stealing) in order to get me finance the rest of his life. It's unreal but these videos are a tremendous help.

[@wednesday8397]

@@lealina5030 they help me as well. Sooooooo much. I can call him out on his gaslighting when he does it which ends the argument because I'm right.

[@dhd-00]

When you start to recognise that the “love bomb “ stage is over and you’re gradually seeing them for who they are ! If they start playing mind games with you and you ask them about why you don’t see/ hear from them as often, they will at first look surprised that you’ve asked them, but secondly , you will notice that they start to act annoyed with you as though they need to answer to you, which is what they hate. Seriously, Narcs hate to justify themselves and are very good liars. It doesn’t matter whether you’re with a female or male, they all act the same deep down inside. A narc will never give you a straight forward answer, and many times with their mind games, is to gaslight you as though you’re becoming a bit more demanding , never mind that they’re actually with someone else. Haven’t you notice that when your narc is supposed to be in tonight and you phone them, they ignore your call ? Simply because that might be indoors, but with another supply. It’s sound a hard cruel relationship, which is exactly what a relationship with a narc is like! The best thing to do once you start noticing small changes in your “relationship” with the narc, is play them at their own game. Don’t answer messages/ calls from them straight away. Stop being too available for them as they will keep cheating you until you’re finally discarded and then very emotionally hurt caused by their deliberate pain/ abuse to you. So if you feel like there is something no right in the relationship, do yourself a big favour and get out . No don’t warn them, just leave and possibly block them ! Additionally, If you need to uncover the truth about a cheating narcissist, send your request to *[e-mail]* for discreet and effective assistance.

[@asalane20]

The really strange phenomenon was the Groundhog Day quality of the relationship. There was no forward development or increase of trust and care. It was the same tactics in slightly different form over and over again.

[@49times]

Thank you for putting this into words!

[@ssarkansas]

But only we see the repetitive actions. For them, everyday is a new day and yesterday never happened. They expect you to move along, but you're not going anywhere, and put that smile on and don't mention their behavior or the hateful words they spoke to you. Unless they want to bring up YOUR minor faults, cause that's ok. Even the ones from YEARS ago. Don't you dare bring up what was done to you just last night. It is the most exhausting and frustrating thing to deal with.

[@lolab1643]

@@ssarkansas You don’t have to deal with the situation.. u can leave and end it. You have a choice! When you complain about a situation you make yourself a victim. Accept it or change it. I know it’s hard but that choice to let go of the narcs will change your life for the better… Always✨

[@danadragulescu5842]

That is one of the moments where you understand that the relation will NEVER geht better , being caught in a circle which only drains your energy.

[@heatherfeathers]

​@@ssarkansasI literally could have written your comment. How TF are they all the same? DNA link? Spawn of Cain? It is terrifying.

[@TheHSoko]

1) Pretending not to understand 2) Deflect and attack 3) Deny 4) Psychic Reading (being told what you feel not asked what you feel) 5) Re-Framing (bringing up some other thing, in particular if it’s hurtful to trigger you into emotional stress) Thanks ✏️📒

[@traycwilson945]

If you happen to see this comment directed to you about your post, would you please copy it and send it to me? Thank you 😊

[@DMAC1301]

There always has to be that one that lists the points of the video,,,, ugh

[@balanceskateboarding8807]

Helpful thanks for the list

[@lillyrose1422]

Thank you for taking the time to write this list ..❤

[@TheHSoko]

@@lillyrose1422 💕🙏🌈

[@trevaclarke2935]

As the child of a narcissist, trying to understand how someone who was supposed to protect and love you could be like this is truly overwhelming. Anguish seems too small to describe it. For me it's simply psychological torture. I feel haunted.

[@TearThatRedFlagDown]

Same with my girlfriend, her mum is a massive narcissist and my girlfriend only realised how much damage was done to her after she moved out and wasn't exposed to her mum for an extended period of time. Now, years later she's still dealing with it.

[@Phillyhippie215]

You described this perfectly. I feel the exact same way. Like my mom and father cursed me with some sort of psychological virus that’s here for life. I resent them so damn much. Not because of how they treated me, but because I had no choice to absorb it all. I wish I could go back to my childhood with all the info I have now. I also hope this new generation of children having to deal with a narcissist are seeing videos like this to break the cycle early.

[@thetammiejohnson]

My step granddaughter is in my daughter and her father’s custody and her bio mom and grandma are so cruel in hope they tag team work her. Her dad has spent 3 years trying to legally address this after the bio mom refused to even consider a member of her household (stepson) was starting to show inappropriate sexual based attention towards his stepsister when daughter was with bio mom on her weekends access holiday time. It’s heartbreaking that bc bio mom and G’ma are relatively wealthy they are dismissed as abusers and given the legal ability to emotionally destroy a child.

[@lolab1643]

You will never be able to understand that which is not understandable. They think differently and cannot feel emotions such as empathy, love and compassion like normal people. Trying to understand is just wasting your time and prolonging your pain. Just get them out of your life and let go and move on. My mother was bipolar and narcissist.. my father her enabler. They are both dead to me now and my life is finally peaceful

[@jewlej]

Hello - both my mom and dad were narcissists along with my only sister. I got with a guy who turned into a textbook psychopath but I studied him up close and he doesn’t have this parental instinct just doesn’t have the capability of love. It’s gone I saw it as he let our child jump across roofs of sheds in one of our visits. That was years ago. This year I realized my own mother doesn’t have it either she’s a covert narcissist that made a few comments to me which she knew how I was being treated and she didn’t care. She pretended to be a caring mother then her parents passed away and she went 180 full demon. She doesn’t have it either and I’m floored, 2 months later and I still can find myself crying. It hurts worse than being with a psychopath. And my sister is just like her, if not worse (set up to take her husbands baby which was successful, prevented husbands mother from seeing husband when he was in a coma, evicted that mother when he didn’t recover she had lived with them). Just evilness

[@RoyaHamburger]

I am sick and tired of these people, having too many of them in my life.

[@laurasteinmetz7684]

Recently I've come to this realization: If someone's actions/words cause me constant confusion (be it subtle or overwhelming), I'm probably dealing with a narcissist because my poor brain is trying to 'normalize' what's going on, not knowing that 'normal' just ain't gonna happen with this person. And IF I'm dealing with a narcissist, I'm dealing with a LIAR. I do NOT believe narcissists are intelligent people (bear with me). I do believe they are extremely adept at ONE THING ONLY: manipulation. And manipulation is basically LYING. That's all they really are. Liars with no life skills whatsoever who have to manipulate their way through the years. Even any charisma exuded by them is a mask, a LIE. Look at the top 5 things Richard wrote that they do. All those tactics can be boiled down to one behavior: LYING.

[@marierose6792]

That is my thoughts exactly. And they really do not SEE or appreciate you, because they see that they have gained you, only through their manipulation. True love can never exist for them. And this gives them a feeling that they can easily discard you.

[@christycomer373]

It’s what they do best! They never tell the truth or answer a direct question honestly. They are just grown adults with the mentality of a child who never grew up.

[@AZDC99]

Thanks for the confirmation I needed an addition to the other ones of letting go of a friendship. Caught them in a lie about a documented fact of a movie of all things. I'm not Mr Movie Nerd or anything--but it went to show that their commentary about things I was going through were also based on lies like I thought. The funny thing was they tried to cover up a lie with another lie. (So much for the "Everybody lies" line that I grew up with from my dad). It is priceless to have you state something I knew was always wrong. I wondered if I was being oversensitive? But, years of little white lies and then hearing things that sounded like big lies made up on the spot, I ran for the hills from this friendship.

[@specialtwice4975]

I find narcissists mostly dumb. There are smart ones out there but there are more dumb than smart. Psychopaths/sociopaths on the other hand are wayyyyy smarter. This is what I have experienced so far.

[@doreenclapper1270]

How true, and we'll said.💝

[@jmfs3497]

I became a people-pleaser and over-explainer from CPTSD, and that led me into traps with toxic people. In the last few years I learned about the traits of Narcissism and OCPD, and how to use Grey Rocking to stop people-pleasing and over-explaining. Now I have a better time of not taking things personally, putting distance between myself and people I perceive as toxic, and spending more time on my own healthy actions than seeking validation from others. I had to learn to abandon my own toxic insecurities and need for approval from everyone. I now play stupid, quiet, and start going about my own business whenever I feel someone is seeking some kind of supply. I will walk away from them and go do something I want to do, rather than spend time "being nice" to someone who doesn't seem to catch-on to how to treat others.

[@lyricdyanara]

I know exactly how you were feeling! I grew up people pleasing. I was taught that women are the care takers, the boo boo fixers, be a good wifey...blah, all bull$hit! Who takes care of me? Who supports me? Now I know it's ME...Now it is, "Bye, bye toxic training of the old days. Give me respect you'll get respect. Be a caring human to me I'll be a caring human back to you. I'm not here to "fix" anyone." I'll stay single before I'll fall into that BS again.

[@lanamaart1000]

Agree with you...

[@TheWestlandgirl]

Exactly. Stop trying to please others, just be an honest person and do and say nice things without expecting an Award or acknowledgement. Do it for your own personal happiness or fulfillment.

[@melissawilliams1050]

I suffer from all of this and struggle daily. Any pointers?

[@janpressler1491]

I've done the same thing over and over the years, trying to be understandable, caring ect. and it never gets better, the narcissist just loves to tear people down. I've been Gray Rocking and soul distancing my spouse, what an ass I thought, but it's worse....he's a Narcissist!!! I'm learning what you have learned and it's working, but We do need to find our own happiness away from Narcissist People. I'm 70 and I'm so tried of these crazy narcissist people. I joined a community, and learning what makes me happy. Thank you, I too have learned to play stupid, quite, and walk away too. One thing witch brings my love and joy is being round animals, that's my happiness.🥰

[@inbetweenmeetings]

9:10 they make you have an emotional reaction and then blame you for being too emotional.I’ve dealt with this for the past year and I want to break free. The problem is they weren’t like this in the beginning so I keep thinking “this monster isn’t who they really are” which is a delusion in itself. The abuser is never abusive allllll the time so they convince me they still have this great side and it’s just simply not true. They are a monster and they will never change.

[@thetammiejohnson]

My friend of 38 years is going through this right now. Her husband works her like a sculptor works clay. What’s your intellect realizes and what your emotions want are often opposite. I understand exactly went you are going through. It is just completely incomprehensible to someone who really wants relationship with another person and that other person treats them with cruelty and tries to make them feel like they’re stupid and selfish when in reality it’s the narcissist who’s stupid and selfish. I had a relationship with someone for seven years, and I had known them for three years prior to beginning the relationship and in their mind their behavior was perfectly acceptable and anytime I tried to talk to them about how they were making me feel, or if I tried to find a compromise, it was an exercise in absolute futility. And the sad part is is this Person had some really wonderful traits, but the bad things outweigh the good things and their outright, selfishness and absolute refusal to even consider compromising anything ruin the good. To this day I still love that person and I still enjoy talking to them for just a couple of minutes, because anything longer than that, and they start dragging up our past relationship from 16 years ago And telling me how wrong I was or making nasty little comments about how I am. So I just avoid them because the just does not make up for the bad. And I tried so hard so long to work on it to be patient to try to find that good person that was there in the beginning, and I finally arrived at the conclusion that People change and that person makes no effort to see what they’re doing and how it’s making you feel, you will never be happy. Happiness is subjective. It really is the only person who can make you happy or unhappy is you and if you had a normal mole suddenly change into a deformed and painful spot, would you hope it would revert to a normal & nondescript mole? No, you would not. You would go to the doctor because you would realize that you most likely were developing cancer. Because that’s what those people are they’re cancer, and they will eat you up and not care. The flashes of the wonderful person that you knew before are exactly that… little flashes…. is literally what you’re going to get so if those little flashes of that, keep you happy enough to stay in the relationship then you’re gonna have to accept that that’s how the person is and understand you agreeing to how they treat you knowing that they’re not going to make any effort whatsoever to think about you put you first or compromise in any way, just as it has begin to sour, it’s only gonna get worse because that is basically the evolution of a narcissist and the longer they have , the deeper their hook is sunk into you will reflect how badly they treat you. I have no idea how old you are, but it’s similar to what happened to Patti Hearst. Because it literally starts changing your perception as well as your responses. It becomes your normal. And that is a very sad normal. I feel so bad for my friend, because she says exactly the same thing I know the good person is in there. This person is not who I married. All the problem is is the person she married no longer exists. I really wish you from the bottom of my heart the best possible outcome. But I can tell you right now if the person you’re speaking of will not acknowledge, recognize and monitor their responses continuously and commitment even if they change temporarily, it’ll just slide back in to the behavior they had.

[@penelopepitstop06]

They love to get your goat and laugh about it.

[@AnnieOFlaherty]

I am 82years old/young Living with my only daughter single mid 50s failed relationships and says she finished because I needed her. We share a house together my portion of mortgage paid in full. Living in he'll for 22 years. I am now inn poor health and she is refusing to let me avail of home help I have lost all nature for her. Through listening to videos such as this. I know she will never change. I am trying to distance my thoughts from her as I now feel she she is demonic. I do believe in Jesus Christ.

[@cincyfanjunglecity9871]

Going through this exact thing right now.

[@lindsaywilliams3774]

You fell in love with the mask. Not the real self. Move on.

[@ginapeselj3132]

He doesn't even bother to deny, he goes straight to verbal abuse, threatening and bullying to shut me down

[@cjwill9920]

"It can't be reasoned with, it can't be bargained with, it doesn't feel pity or remorse....and it absolutely will not stop ever until.."

[@shelleywinters6763]

I'll be back hehe the matrix and the terminator references. Love it. Should help me remember next time I'm dealing with it

[@iramsavir5631]

Absolutely correct! That describes them to a T! I've experienced that first hand.

[@idorion9096]

Until you are dead....

[@CarmenPerez-kz6rw]

“It?” If you are calling your narc an it, you are the narcissist.

[@idorion9096]

@@CarmenPerez-kz6rw It's a famous movie quote. And it fits

[@stevenconnolly28]

At 39 years of age I have finally realised both my parents are Narcissistic people. I have now started the process of zero contact. Only so much abuse one person can take

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

❤❤❤❤🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙌😊

[@nicselectronics81]

Same 39 years except mom is real.

[@resfre3q]

Amen to that brother keep that zero-contact going. Stay strong!

[@ginacassares6801]

Watchnout for. The rage. And tricks they play. Revenge on you for not allowing this

[@simsim876]

Live for the peace, that’s all that matters. Don’t go back. Look after yourself, you deserve it

[@melissasmith1295]

Narcissists also like to say, "You're stuck with me because you'll never find another person like me." I finally woke up and told him. You're right because I'll find someone who's better. I got divorced Feb 2019

[@tricialafrancerougas]

Good for you! When I told my ex-husband he lied about what he believed to get me to marry him because I told him I would never date a said person, he said well you’re stuck (because we both don’t believe in divorce)… I told him I wasn’t stuck and he told me I was stuck 2 more times! 8 months and I left. It’s definitely a demonic spirit… the confusion, disillusion, belittling, deflection, blaming, control… so glad I got out and that I’m healing!! ❤️‍🩹 God has taught me so much even though it was the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced!

[@sheilabryant5229]

I was constantly told how ugly I am and then how pretty I am. 🙄

[@tricialafrancerougas]

My ex husband told me I was stuck with him 3 times back to back because we both don’t believe in divorce. If we had different opinions about something, he would state his was correct 3 times back to back when I would tell him how I felt. I would just say it’s okay that we feel differently… you will never have a healthy relationship with a narcissist.

[@clintonnagy1662]

Funny you say that. My ex gf use to say that alot. " You're stuck with me". At first I was happy because she is beautiful, funny, good job, no drugs and not a criminal. I don't get women like her ever... Later, I felt it wasn't quite what she meant. I may have low self esteem, but my tolerance for bullcrap works just fine. The mind games wore me down.

[@UltraGalacticSuperFantastic]

Yeah :( my ex fiance said "You're too old to find someone else, that's why you'll never leave me." He said it with a smile and said it was just a joke. I was so hurt by it also because he knew our age difference (just 4 years) made me feel insecure. He kept backpedaling and would not acknowledge how hurtful it was. He ended up leaving me for someone 8 years older than him.

[@Stephchang-d3l]

For me, the covert narcissist comes across as a people pleaser. They like to be in the spotlight to get the validation that they crave for, as other narcissists but at the same time, they pretend to be humble, simple, generous, over giving. The covert narcissist will take time to build a relationship/friendship with you. During this period, they will show their admiration and their devotion by helping you with everything that is you need. They will try to convince you that you are soulmates and that they understand you deeply. At the same time, you will see them being overly altruistic, maybe helping society by engaging in charities, activism. They feed the poor, take care of the homeless. All this makes you think how lucky you are for having met such a beautiful soul. You want to be by their side for ever. However, soon you notice how much they enjoy being invited in galas to talk about their achievements. But they don’t admit that. They still play the humble guy who doesn’t want all this. Who is beyond money, beyond fame and recognition, who wants to share the floor with other people. But their acts don’t match their words. You come to realise that this selfless soul is actually doing whatever it takes to be in the centre of attention. When you do something together be it at work or at home, they want to control everything about it. They just exerce their control in a more polite and implicit way, making you believe that your voice was heard whereas in reality you did what they wanted you to do. Covert narcissists have a smooth way of leading you on. They don’t shout, they don’t give orders. They are master actors. They convince you that you are together in this. What makes them a narcissist is that when the time comes for them to use you in order to draw certain benefits, they will do it without a second thought and you are not going to believe in your eyes. And when you stand up for yourself and raise your voice against them calling them for their phony identity, then you will see their rage for the first time and the mask will fall. Covert narcissists manipulate less with rage/exhibiting superiority and more with people pleasing behaviour/playing the eternal victim. They are not aggressive as overt narcissists. They are more cunning. What they both have in common is self-centered ness and lack of empathy. In the case of coverts, it will take you longer to find out.They knew what they wanted to get out of you from the beginning. They created a whole theatre play to fool you about who they are and their true motives. You will trust them with all your heart but when the time comes for them to prove their loyalty by choosing your bond over their personal gain, they will choose the latter with no remorse, without even taking any responsibility. Unlike the overt narcissist, they will have an eloquent excuse for doing so, rationalizing why they had to f@ck you over. They will pretend to be sorry about it because this is something that matches the image of modesty that they want to project but in reality they are not sorry at all. You will see them partying with your own money when they said they didn’t have enough to pay you back. You will see them being unfair and untrustworthy to other people as well. When the mask of the victim will fall, you will see the cruel smile of a perpetrator who managed to get what they want without deserving it. If you decide to unmask them run for your life. Additionally, People often wonder why their actions lead to serious hurt or even tragedy. Cheating is a choice, and ignorance often fuels the damage. A huge thank you to *[e-mail]* for exposing the truth about my cheating narcissist. Your advice and services were a true lifesaver! The access you provided to his phone gave me all the proof I needed-thank you so much!

[@virginiasanchis1717]

Yes, I have a covert narc mother and my brothers don't see it 😮

[@meldavis2563]

Giving up hope and accepting the truth about them is the most important step to getting over the narcissist

[@EightBallAnswers1]

Exactly. I tried to “fix one” or adapt to their behavior for 4 years and it nearly killed me. Absolutely awful people. They never change. Never.

[@nofsingersarah]

It’s liberating when you do except and move on

[@tracywilliams1527]

I'm just so exhausted from knowing ....ruminating endlessly

[@clintonnagy1662]

The same happen to me. I practice distracted thinking. The moment I recognize I'm having obsessing thoughts about her, I immediately think of something else until it counters her memories. Look at it this way....they arent thinking about you, why bother thinking about them? Besides they are probably spending all their time grooming their next victim because they don't have morals. As long as my ex has new supply to fit between her legs, she is happy.

[@mysticrose3543]

My mother's common statement was, " oh, you must have misinterpreted me". She said this for YEARS. I wasn't even accusing her of anything. She would verbally insult me or do something mean. I would say, " Why did (would) you say/ do that ? " oh, you must have heard me wrong ". This went on my whole life. I had a nervous breakdown at age 29 from all this insanity. After that, I stopped drinking, got help and cut off all contact with her and all my siblings. Sick, diabolical people. They WANT you to ruin your life. Literally. She died last April and I was relieved. Like a thorn was pulled out of my side.

[@beccareynolds4625]

Incredible isn’t it but I know when / if these people die I will feel the same.

[@Sleeplessmclean]

My mother drove me to almost suicide at the age of 13. She tried everything in the book to make me feel crazy, gaslighted me always. A monster.

[@valerierichards3613]

Abuse lie deny rinse repeat. I felt nothing when my narc mum died, not happy or sad. They are selfish to core and don't care how much pain or damage they do to small children. It's hard work to undo psychological trauma but working on it

[@marshaaragon2336]

Oh that statement I know it well. I have the type of mind that I remember words exactly as they are said, I see the words in my mind....great for school bad for relationships. I have hear you misheard me since I was a child. It has moved from my mother, to my ex husband, and now the piece of work that just dropped our 8yr relationship, including engagement, in the trash. They are all narcissistic and this last one I completely missed. Thank goodness for KZbin and videos like these. Not only do I not feel alone right now....I am learning how to not "mishear" ever again.

[@everydaytherapist7315]

They say "you must have misinterpreted me" while in another breath accuse you of an intention or motive you never had. They will take your words and prove how malicious you are when, in fact, your words were innocuous and the intent was NOT what they say it was. So when you then say, "you must have misinterpreted me" they will smile inside.

[@susansimon4255]

"GIVE UP" is the key to happiness!

[@marcosrivera9112]

HOLY SMOKES.... im literally mind blown. This is relief, pain, shock.... all at once. This makes sense.

[@perla5921]

Lots of truth here

[@keeleysmith2174]

Don't forget all the love bombing at the start and then in between. You fall for them for a reason. And sometimes they seem to have open and honest conversations where they earnestly talk about change and growth. Monsters aren't monsters all the time, at least not at first. Not when things are going their way. Observe them when things aren't perfect, or when they've had a drink, or how they talk about their ex or their parents. Mine was the 'abandoned child', the victim, the martyr who did so much for others and had realised he was 'just better than everyone else'. Every concern was met with: 'I've done so much for you'.

[@averagejane09]

Gosh yes. The holding over your head the things they do for you as leverage to silence you when you bring up something unrelated and totally valid. OMG.....if you dare have feelings about anything...boom...I worked so hard for you and this is how you repay me...yep.....and yes....the love bombing....creates the trauma bond. You keep trying to get back to the good stuff...cause you saw it before...so it is real right? Gotta be there somewhere. I noticed I slowly got less and less emojis with hearts or kisses or hugs and then at some point realized I was initiating most of the contact...but he would act offended if I finally sat back for a few days to let him take his turn...then I was ignoring him according to his theory....sigh...really hard stuff to get your mind around and it is like boiling the frog....the change happens so darn slowly that it takes a while to realize what has happened.

[@ksc2736]

My God - that's so eye opening. My bf is the same; the emotionally neglected child and then the saviour in all of his relationships. Except for ours; I'm saving his a** right now because he's so fucked up; but don't you think he's ever done anything for me EVER

[@TheCovertsEnabler]

This makes me feel much less crazy. Lol No one has had it as bad as him *48 min of the victim story later* It hurts him to be so caring, though! Hahahaha

[@PoisonelleMisty4311]

They'll twist your words, flip the script, and make you feel like you’re the crazy one-uh-uh, not today! You better believe I see you and your little mind tricks, son of a biscuit! A narcissist's favorite game? Guilt tripping you like it's a sport, saying things like, 'If you really loved me, you'd understand!' Honey, that’s when I roll my eyes and say, 'Bye, Felicia!'

[@AZDC99]

17:28 "You MUST give up on them! You must close these boundary walls." My problem was giving up on them and then not sticking with it

[@RICHARDGRANNON]

If you're having difficulties I'd highly recommend the new course on richardgrannon.com

[@giselarivera9846]

Gbu I'm just getting out after 20 yesterday narcissist abuse 😊 is better late than never.

[@laura-2]

When it comes to narcissistic abuse, it's crucial to focus on understanding the dynamics of the abusive relationship and the impact it has on the victim, rather than making assumptions or generalizations about their behavior. Narcissistic abuse can have a profound and complex effect on victims, often leading to emotional trauma, low self-esteem, and a distorted sense of self-worth. It can erode trust, create feelings of isolation, and manipulate the victim's perception of reality. Some victims of narcissistic abuse may struggle with maintaining healthy boundaries, trusting others, or recognizing their own value. In some cases, individuals who have experienced narcissistic abuse may engage in behaviors that are out of character, including cheating or seeking validation outside the relationship. These behaviors can be a response to the emotional turmoil and manipulation they have endured. It's important to approach this with compassion and understand that these actions may stem from a desire for validation, escape, or a misguided attempt to regain a sense of control or self-worth. However, it's essential to note that not all victims of narcissistic abuse engage in infidelity or seek external validation. Each individual responds to abuse differently, and their actions may vary depending on their coping mechanisms, personal values, and circumstances. If you or someone you know has experienced narcissistic abuse, it is crucial to seek support from professionals such as therapists or counselors who specialize in trauma and relationship dynamics. They can provide guidance, healing strategies, and help rebuild a healthy sense of self-worth and trust. Remember, the effects of narcissistic abuse are complex, and the healing process is unique to each individual. Judgment and assumptions can hinder the understanding and support that victims need. Providing empathy, compassion, and access to appropriate resources can contribute to the healing journey and empower survivors to rebuild their lives. Additionally, If you need to find out about a cheating narcissist; send a request to: Barryinvestigation@gmail. com

[@ShaareiZoharDaas]

This is ONLY true of grossly normal people who have higher than average narcissistic tendencies NOT text book clinical narcs who tend toward sociopathy and psychopathy. I have no compassion beyond recognizing their humanity and staying away.

[@jasonstone8222]

It's demon possession. They're pathological liars that won't take responsibility and accountability

[@centeredmuslim3436]

This is the truth.

[@Peepers2]

There are no such things as Demons,this is a mental health condition.

[@jasonstone8222]

@Wonderful Wenna mental illnesses can be corrected with the truth. Someone that says there is no such thing as demon possession also doesn't believe the Bible. Word of God says there is. Most mental illnesses are due to willful sin snd the demons enter in and the person loses self control and something else is controlling their minds bodies and behaviors. The spirit realm is real. Deliverance is absolutely 100 percent real. Tho once delivered they can go back to their sin and get repossessed. Bible talks about that too.

[@Peepers2]

We all have our own beliefs,whether they are true or not.Agree 100% about the lying ,accountabilities ……..😊

[@jasonstone8222]

Demons effect the mind and come in in a variety of ways. Genetics= generational curses with familiar spirits attached that persuade the individuals to sin and the demon entered them. Can come thru trauma and abuse. Evil entertainment sinful lifestyles Drugs including pharmaceutical drugs getting into the occult knowingly or unknowingly just to name a few. . Alot of mental disorders could be remedied by repentance and acceptance of the truth and prayer fasting worship etc. Most suffering with these illnesses are full of excuses for their bad behaviors....excuses are lies...I mean if you know right from wrong but choose to do wrong these demons come in and control a person who has not repented and renounced of the sin that let them in. They chose evil over good in alot of cases. Unbelief in the word of God is in reality an evil too. The old saying the greatest trick the devil ever played on humanity is to convince people he doesn't exist is true too. All ungodly personalities are demonic spirits and there's an opposite for those that alliingn

[@jmfs3497]

Solutions start at 8:42 for the experienced folks who are ready to move past rumination. 1. Reduce your emotional reactivity to toxic people. 2. Grey Rock. aka give less of yourself to the relationship with a toxic person. 3. Stop desiring validation, understanding, and permission from toxic people. 4. Focus on ACTIONS that make your life healthier for you. 5. Destroy your idea that the toxic person is ever reachable.

[@teresarenee3829]

yes.

[@cleo4356]

I'm at point 5 finally after a year of absolute hell. Now I'm trying to focus on my own healing but still have hope he'll "wake up." Ughhh

[@PoisonelleMisty4311]

They play the victim, they gaslight you, and next thing you know, you’re questioning your own reality! Ain’t nobody got time for that! Know your worth, darling, because at the end of the day, these mind games don’t define you. You gotta rise above, and most importantly, don’t let them dim your shine. You keep shining bright and let them wallow in their own mess! Now, that’s the tea!"

[@annie.76]

My x husband’s favorite was deflect, gaslight, and trigger. Anything to manipulate the focus off of him and the facts. Communication in all forms becomes tiresome, nonproductive, and just immature. It’s wonderful to not engage anymore.

[@joyshipley706]

This too was my story

[@carolsummers8734]

When mine divorced me he told me I wasn't a good Christian wife but his mistress was.

[@PoisonelleMisty4311]

One minute they’re buttering you up, and the next they’re throwing shade like it’s confetti. It’s all mind games, baby! They’ll twist your words and spin the narrative until you’re questioning your own reality. It’s mental gymnastics I didn’t sign up for!

[@Clewerls]

I stopped speaking sincerely with my husband over a year and a half ago, and it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. You cannot reveal your thoughts and feelings to a narcissist, and that was a hard lesson to learn.

[@Clewerls]

AND I love that you say give up hope! This was key for me. Who is ever going to tell you to give up hope? Or to stop expressing yourself in an effort to gain understanding and reconciliation? No one, basically. The whole episode is fantastic.

[@stephmccarthy5088]

Are you still with him?

[@fryfully]

I trusted personal events and hurts in my life just to have them brought up against me later. So painful learning the hard way. Realizing I could not trust him was unbelievable at first ..I questioned myself then when it resonated as true devastating and r-ship ending, well that and his crazy making. 1 month out of it. Yay!

[@sunnydays7107]

Once you finally come to the emotional reaction, when your brain can't take it anymore, a smile would register on their face.

[@sallybucket6924]

Yes. My mother. She did that so many times. Gleeful that she'd "gotten me".

[@cammihill3505]

I have seen a lot of videos on narcissistic people, and this is the first time someone has broken it down so perfectly. Thank you!

[@raeven1200]

💯🎯

[@nicolerymarenko7726]

Yup! I agree. This one is a complete breakdown.

[@kathleencarter7231]

I hate the confusion, denial, and drama!! The "this is what's wrong with you" argument got really old! They NEVER accept ANY responsibility for their behavior or mistakes EVER!!!

[@easonvz9931]

“This is what you do” “this is what’s wrong with you” “this is how you spin your narrative” There is no way to defend your point bc they won’t listen and usually they are shouting at you. The feeling inside is such a disgusting feeling for them that only someone who deals with this understands. Then there is the feeling of disgust for yourself for folding to them and giving in once more so they will stop or because you are scared you did something wrong, is so traumatic that you just become numb. Then they stop ranting and act like they did nothing and want to have sex or be silly and you don’t do what they want and then you are once again the problem that they can’t deal with or they go silent and manipulate through ghosting. It is so sick what they do and I am sick for not being able to fully leave. P.S. His mother is perfect and he will pit you against her and vice versa and then blame you for having any angst in regards to her.

[@Crowski]

There’s no communicating with them. I’m calm, I don’t yell, I don’t cuss. I want to discuss issues to come to an understanding and work on them. Instead he screams, calls me names, cusses and if I don’t “shut my mouth” he’ll start throwing me around and throwing objects at me. All while screaming. I’m like…”you’re getting louder, you’re throwing things, don’t put your hands on me. Why can’t you just talk? Why do you have to scream and be violent/abusive??” He thinks he isn’t abusive and it’s ME that’s abusive…. I’m like, “who’s the one who’s screaming, calling names and destroying things? Who’s the one who can’t calmly communicate?” No answer. Just more screaming and calling names…. He constantly says it’s me. When it’s him, his alcoholism, his destruction of our home, there’s no peace, no love. He’s a child in a 40 yr old man’s body. The only thing that gets him to “be nice” is ignoring him. Suddenly he’s cleaning, trying to be sweet to me… I told him, “being nice for a few days doesn’t fix YEARS of your violence….” “What violence?” Jfc….I’m so done…. I’d rather be alone than be with him….

[@PoisonelleMisty4311]

And if they come at you sideways, just remember-what they think, don’t mean a thing! People like that don't deserve a front-row seat in the story of your life. You wear your crown and keep it moving, baby!"

[@jupo9928]

You do not need your partner's approval to break up with them. You don't need them to agree.

[@Lisa-gn7dc]

This is THE GREATEST VIDEO I've ever seen on narcissistic abuse!!! I was married to a sociopath for 45 years. He passed away two months ago and I am slowly recovering while grieving not for him but for a lifetime of heartache and regret...

[@fizzliebob]

I'm truly sorry you've gone through this. I hope you're finding SO much joy in your life now, and will be able to 'make up for lost time' - and get to truly know happiness for the rest of your life 🤍🤍

[@scykelass6826]

I wish you peace and hope you can enjoy your life now you are finally free xxx

[@TruthSeekress2012]

I'm sorry that you suffered so much, but you are still here! Please do things that make yourself happy. Love yourself and don't blame yourself.❤

[@Lisa-gn7dc]

@@fizzliebob thank you so much, I am learning to laugh and smile again!

[@Lisa-gn7dc]

@@scykelass6826 thanks so much!

[@kelevare2438]

Been surrounded by this my entire life … from my mom, bro, sis, my kids dad …this is sickening. Caused me to have severe health problems

[@AngelDiaz-lh5lj]

Same 😩

[@gavegas7043]

Same here. No contact = self preservation

[@user-ot2xc8tl1h]

Me too. I was even victim of parent alienation by my narc ex and own mother they turned my own sons against me. I think they are now becoming narcissistic themselves 😢I only pray they see the light. But I need to take care of my own self

[@poohbeared40]

((Hugs)) in the same boat, you are not alone. Hang in there and learn as much as you can because then you will learn how to not allow them to trigger you or hurt you.

[@Katarina4567]

I know ❤

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Dad is my narc; he blamed me for abusing me. I'm done with him and his toxicity!

[@deborahserafin8253]

"You should abandon sincere communication when you are communicating with the terminally insincere." That's it right there.

[@jickie511]

Yes, love this! I cut off communication with my SIL a year ago, FINALLY my husband also took that step yesterday. Such a peaceful feeling, literally and figuratively. His phone isn't blowing up constantly. I could never understand why he tolerated it, he would answer and every time it was wash, rinse, repeat, same conversation, like a hamster in a wheel 🙄

[@agrlockwd1492]

@@jickie511 Hope your last few weeks was like a vacation. :)

[@user-zu2yh7wv6n]

Holy crap. Reactive abuse. Thank you for putting a word to this. I am going through this currently. It's devastating to know my spouse could be and likely is playing a game. I reacted poorly from a false accusation and now the focus has shifted to my poor reaction. And the name calling due to my reaction, involving the word "psycho" hurts. I'm in the midst of realizing what I thought was love my spouse had for me was never really there.

[@dilligaf8349]

Dr Todd grande on face book does some great videos and opened my eyes way to late. Learn learn learn and you might be able to save yourself

[@shawndubbz]

Exactly! I knew within my relationship there was gaslighting and narcissistic traits, but to put a name on THIS is very important. THIS exact thing happened in my relationship constantly. It makes me mad how many times we argued. The more we argued, the more ammo they were getting. Once you finally stop giving a shit about the relationship, they lose their control, and suddenly they disappear, don’t want to see you, and start dating someone new before you even realized what the hell happened. VERY true story. Happened to me. After 2.5 years.

[@daxachampaneri9390]

Pls help I'm going through this hurt

[@sarahnoah3693]

And they have a way to make everyone think I’m mean and crazy.

[@glendapeglau4694]

I think the game comes so naturally for them that they don't even see it for what it truly is

[@Cass_772]

This is one of the most powerful video I have ever seen on narcissist... 16:20 "you start to feel like them"

[@donnareis520]

All of his videos are straight up, thankyou again ✌️

[@sparkoflight963]

Sam Vaknin on KZbin is fantastic on NPD!

[@Cass_772]

@@sparkoflight963 yes I am following him too! Thank you!!

[@PoisonelleMisty4311]

But let me tell you something: you’re not here for their drama. Show them you’re the star of your own show! Don’t let a narcissist steal your shine. You’re fabulous, and they’re just jealous because they know deep down you’re the real deal. So keep slaying, and remember - don’t play their games. You ain’t got time for that mess!"

[@lisadahl4363]

I've gotten all this plus the fake apology "I'm sorry you feel that way" 🙄

[@scorpiolove674]

Yes!!! Putting a covert narcissist to the curb[ who had been cheating, lying, stealing $$ from me ] was SO INCREDIBLY HARD, I described it at the time as putting an injured puppy out on the curb. In hindsight I had been manipulated to feel that way about a predator who had manufactured "a life of hardship" stories . Me coming from a state orphanage I had sympathy and empathy . Never again !!!!!

[@bananafanalll6651]

I was an orphan also. I’ve been married to a narc for a while now. I finally broke free for the most part. I think orphans are easy to manipulate.. at least I was. So eager to please and trying to get that love I’ve always needed.

[@scorpiolove674]

@@bananafanalll6651 I'm so sorry you got a bad one [ narc ] They see us as easy marks for extraction of love and resources , in my case he lied about being abused as a kid to " mirror" me ,turned out he was quite adored and spoiled by many family members . I'm out a year now, I wish you the best on breaking free and healing , we are so strong because we had nobody !!!!❤🤗🌷🌷🌷🥰🙏

[@Kathleen67.]

Very well said.

[@samanthamariah7625]

One of the best comments I’ve read in regards to setting a narcissist out on their own….”setting a wounded puppy out on the curb”. That’s exactly how they manipulate you to feel. Thank you and I wish you a healthy relationship in the future. Be careful.

[@anneroy9406]

Same thing recently happened to me. In a way it’s amusing to see how low vibration some people really can be. I am happy I don’t have to lie and take other peoples money!

[@bmardiney]

Borderlines also do a LOT of the “pretending they didn’t know it was wrong” BS. And good lord is it frustrating.

[@scottmatznick3140]

Ooohhhh.... I get it.

[@rfwoolf]

Borderline can be considered "thin-skinned narcissism". The problem with Borderline is this: The guy who created it, Otto Kernberg (a genius!) says that there is a personality structure called Borderline Personality Organisational Structure (BPOS), and this structure basically runs through all of Cluster B. In the case of NPD, they started off with BPOS, and then built a Narcissistic Personality Organisational Structure (NPOS). When NPOS regresses, you get BPOS again. This makes sense, because (according to Sam Vaknin), developmentally, the child tries a Borderline Solution first, and if that fails, he tries a Narcissistic Solution second. It's easy to think of BPD and NPD as being two totally different constructs, but they're actually closely related, and lying underneath every NPD, is a BPD. And just to confuse you even more, all of Cluster B is bullshit for the reasons outlined above: BPOS effectively runs through all of it, and there is too much comorbidity (overlap) between the constructs. Forget the DSM.

[@bmardiney]

@@rfwoolf Yeah all of that makes sense to me.

[@tims9434]

@@rfwoolf clearly you're a narcissist deflecting yourself. Get a life!

[@tims9434]

Borderline what? That's offensive in itself.

[@ofmonadsandnomads9500]

“Abandon sincere communication with the terminally insincere” I did just this on some subconscious level, then only later realized it. Then when I felt this mentality spilling over into interactions with real people too, this is when I finally woke up and cut off the relationship with the narc.

[@australis1971]

The Narc is so lovely and adored by others because they behave as though they’re the perfect entertainer! and guests get the royal treatment… the victim sees the true side of them and it’s always that side of them when the guests leave when Medusa unleashes her head of snakes!

[@atomisum6445]

They love their persona more than the people that love them

[@vickigonya9432]

Yep for 25 years I hoped and got gut kicked with regularity throughout every day. Finally gave up and left. Access denied!!! I abandoned 10 people in 1 day. I simply told them , If you cannot treat me with kindness and respect- dont contact me. And for an entire year zero contact. I waited to see how long it would be without me being the one driving the relationship, not one of them ever contacted me once not by any means. So 1yr to the day, I changed my number and cell provider, withdrew from ALL social media, fenced in my front yard with a gate across my driveway and moved on. It hurt at first particularly on holidays. But 4 years later. Im so much happier and peaceful without their behavior. Im indifferent to them. Good, bad, doesnt matter Im not available. Im only on You tube now.❤

[@craneinsaneusa1289]

You’re not alone…. It’s insane how someone who I would have died for and expected to spend the rest of our lives with could devalue and discard me like a light switch. The hardest part for me was grieving the loss of someone who never existed. I was dehumanized and humiliated but God got me through it and I’m healing more, every day. God Bless.

[@TruthSeekress2012]

The hardest part for me is realizing my best friend of 8 years was a narc. Recently, one day, I woke up and told her I'm done. She never even tried to talk to me. I feel used, but I'm wiser for it. Narcissists always USE you, whether it's your skills, brains, emotional support, or finances. Just let go. We all deserve better.

[@PoisonelleMisty4311]

"Listen up, honey! Let me tell you about these mind games narcissists play-it's like trying to dance with a G.O.A.T. that only has two left feet, okay? They charm you with sweet nothings, then hit you with a reality check that leaves you reeling. One minute they're showering you with love and gifts, and the next, they pull that classic disappearing act like they’re Houdini!

[@lilscenechick1995]

Nothing fills you with despair and anguish quite like trying to salvage a doomed, toxic relationship with a narcissist. I spent 3 years doing it. Enduring all the abuse I swore I never would in a romantic/intimate relationship after I was abused in my childhood. If only I realized that telling him about my trauma and past abuse was giving him the arsenal to use against me. Thank you for this video. I still learned something and it's great to see a fresh perspective on this type of abuse.

[@MG-ot2yr]

Yep its always a useless effort to try to salvage any kind of relationship with a narcissist, tigers don't change their stripes and the games are played to constantly shore up their insecurities and there's also an entertainment value in it for them, in fact, the entertainment value often is the higher priority than whatever they're trying to manipulate you into doing for them or with them. Also its never a good idea to share your weaknesses and vulnerabilities, such a past trauma, etc, with anyone, even people who aren't narcissistic who can unknowingly weaponize stuff like that against you.....people are vampires, almost everyone except extreme introverts that don't require any or very little external validation. So its best to develop a good strong, healthy internal monologue to help you through the rough patches, or a good therapist if need be.

[@sharonsanders4160]

Amen 🎯

[@shespeaks1971]

All 5 games. I experienced them in my now ex-marriage. I followed through with giving up hope, feeling despair, grieving, withdrawal from the trauma bond addiction. I fought this for a year, then finally surrendered into all of these steps. It was PAINFUL. I didn’t know how long it would take. I knew I had to do this to find myself again. I pulled back on work, made daily space to feel what I needed to feel. In 3 1/2 months, I woke up smiling. I fell asleep without ruminating. Dreams about the abuse and the marriage have stopped. I used to dream several time a week of the abuse and I acted out my part in the dream as I did in real life, an anguished, lost, confused, chronically fear-filled wife. I had a dream last night about him for the first time in months, he was abusing me. This time, in the dream, I felt strong. I left him in the dream. In the dream, I got my own place, ignored his attempts to contact me. I was in full control of my life. I had boundaries that were impenetrable. Now that is true in my real life. I’m finally me again. Even in my dreams now, I’m me again. 6 1/2 months now with NO CONTACT. I made it.

[@amberinthemist7912]

This was beautifully written. I'm so glad you made it out.

[@kaybee6050]

Well done. Took me way longer than that but it's so good to be on the other side. ❤️

[@pureblood1]

I'm on day two of putting out my problem and I swear this is the happiest I've been In almost 10 years

[@SparkleAnBlake]

Thrilled you made it out! Thank you for sharing your vulnerability with us. You are such an inspiration to me! I am in the midst of escaping the Covert Narc after 20 years...The plan is working. Video was perfect timing - "Abandon sincere communication with the terminally insincere" 🤐

[@shespeaks1971]

@@SparkleAnBlake Get out! It feels hard at first, it's very emotional but keep your eye on the future. You will feel SO MUCH BETTER. I couldn't see that in the midst and like you, I was learning the how-tos as I was doing it. But now that I'm on the other side, if the ME today could have reassured the ME then, I would have done it so much sooner. Life begins when you end the cycle by getting out. I'm so glad you're heading in that direction.

[@TaiThan-p6z]

Good video, but there's nothing specific here. I recommend everyone to find the forbidden book Mareska Manipulation; you'll be shocked by the attraction techniques it contain about manipulation.

[@Everythingsfiiiiine]

My narcissist ex would say the most vile hurtful things and when I would get noticeably upset it would be "What's wrong? What did I do?". When he knew damn well what he did.

[@amyporterfield6523]

So familiar...repeat the same words he just said but in a sickening sweet sing-song way. Are there non-narcissistic people out there?????

[@perla5921]

They're all the same. Passive aggressive

[@PoisonelleMisty4311]

They’ll hit you with the silent treatment like it’s a badge of honor, expecting you to chase after them while they sit back and feel all high and mighty.

[@ma-ray-ka]

When you’re the actual mother and they are your adult child the grief and heartbreak is overwhelming.

[@ettecram]

I feel you ❤ i hope you are better

[@sharontennison6370]

I finally felt the necessary compassion for my mother-in-law

[@jillianfreyman6325]

Same situation. So hard. Hugs 🤗

[@marielaedgar8759]

😢 if it's your children it would hurt so much more. I'm so sorry 😔

[@marybethnance3167]

It is so hard when it is your adult child. She has control of the grandchildren and what they think while they still live at home. My daughter quit talking to me for 2 years. Out of the blue she decided to come back into my life. One year later, she pulled the plug again. I have learned a lot during the 1st time she cut me out. It has saved me some agony identifying the problem, learning how to react to the problem, and trying to learn how to accept it as best possible. Knowledge is power!

[@Dazzle500]

Perfectly explained here 🙌 Don’t Walk away from a narcissist…. RUN!!!!

[@TenPointTyrone]

But do it quietly

[@zakierahorton2142]

I’m trying

[@t590-j3z]

they are the worst hypocrits and blackmail people who pretend to be your friend to manipulate and set you up

[@mollesmart]

I loved that quote "Give up hope despair, return to God" so true. Everytime I went throught his cycle and submit to God he fills up your cup once again. That's priceless! Ps: I love your charisma, style and passion in the research and the details you provide. Amost like you're sitting inside our heads and know just what we need next. It's priceless. Thank you!

[@beaglerescue5281]

My little fantasy that I had to give up hope on was a close relationship with my only child. Especially hard when you once had a beautiful relationship.

[@elliot9828]

A huge one for me was when they deflect things back on you, to take the focus off themselves and to antagonise you..and then when you explode, the whole argument becomes about your reaction, which they claim is unwarranted, and that you’re the crazy one. What makes it worse is that if you’re a self reflective and self critical person, you believe them..and that destroys you..

[@rh5273]

Exactly what i went through.

[@PoisonelleMisty4311]

hen you're dealing with a narcissist, it’s like walking into a trap set by a son of a b*tch who thinks they run the world.

[@pianogirl9676]

My favourite scenario is when you bring up an issue that’s bothering you and they deflect and accuse you of something else, then you end up apologising. Afterwards you’re like “what just happened?”. Someone I knew used to be such a professional at this to the point where I would forget what I was talking about several times during the conversation. I ended up apologising EVERY SINGLE TIME. He also used to wind me up a lot, insulting me where it really hurt (usually using something against me that I had told him before), something that would drive me up the wall and I would react in the craziest way, and then of course, I would have to apologise as well because of my insane behaviour. This video gave me the chills. I listened to it 3 times and think will be listening again and again until I learn..

[@vitav2009]

My reality 😢

[@mattirealm]

OP, what you just described was my entire 14 year relationship+marriage to my now ex-wife. I was the one (male) constantly apologizing and having to deal with somebody that was on the maturity level of teenager. She never listened. She constantly blamed me for............being me. She would walk away from disagreements and NEVER try to work together to solve them. I cannot believe how utterly stupid I was all those years. With time and distance from my marriage (divorce was final 4/2021), I have seen a lot of bad stuff that was not apparent to me, in the last year. But you really struck me with sentence "I ended up apologizing EVERY SINGLE TIME!" YES, that is how these relationships can go. Once you begin to gain maturity on a partner that does this, they do everything in their power to keep you down, to diminish your agency (free will) and to break you. She did break me...................I let her break me is the worst part. Thankfully we never had kids. That would have been a disaster! I am still dealing with my own grief over 14 years of mostly shit! I have put her out of my life forever and moved on in many ways. These people damage a person though. They do it and they don't care about what they did. Great video here.

[@jessysmith4835]

😢 so I adios recorded my BFF while I was out n I hear sex sounds and asked him if he was watching porn when I went out for like 10 mins and he denied it I tell him I had left the window open and heard him and he continued to deny and change the subject. Is that something I should be concerned about.? Or am I just in my head (I also have bpd so I'm always afraid that I'm not good enough.)

[@McD-j5r]

I just got in to write that I don’t care about their games because I adopted a hermit lifestyle where just loving people and my pets are allowed in. In my past I had to learn a lot about narcs. Now this is past. Never lose your hope, overcome phases of pain and find your sovereignty!

[@viviankang]

Oh my gosh, you're basically describing my husband. I thought I'm the crazy person in this marriage for years.

[@lillyandtheghosts3597]

Same! Left 3 years ago

[@shinobi1x]

Wow,.. how have you survived, I dumped my narcissist g/f after 2 years of dating. It took months to start to heal and get back to myself and not worry about her. I dodged a bullet and if not for channels like these I would've been lost and probably back with her in her web of games. Free yourself. Wishing you all the best. 🙃

[@viviankang]

@@shinobi1x I'm still trying to survive the marriage. Unfortunately I'm not financially independent, I also have a son with ASD&ADHD, plus my own health issues, I don't see a way out of this life.

[@TheLuigi69]

​@@viviankang aw all the love and luck in the world. 🙏🏻💙

[@OCD1-e8u]

@@viviankang I am in a relationship with one for 16 years now. I started realising he was a narc a few years ago, with the birth of our son it became more clear who he realy was. We both work fulltime, so I have MY life when I’m not with him. When I’m with him I go blank, try not to go where he wants me to go emotionaly. I’ve been thinking a lot of leaving him, but I am scared to co-parent with him. I am trying to hang on till my Son is old enough to see the truth about his father.

[@TheColiebear]

narcissism is unbelievably epidemic in our society in contemporary times. truly, it must be social media and the internet which has fueled this exponential rise in personality disorders.this is the video I needed to see and should be required viewing for children at an appropriate age/entering adolescence when it seems these problems really start to take hold and express externally. most therapists are way too kind towards these people and do not understand the sick depths of their personality. thank you Richard.

[@beaglerescue5281]

Social media blames the parents. It’s like some wizard behind a curtain pushing buttons and pulling cords getting everyone to argue and discard each other-screaming “No contact!” What a world.

[@JL-dl8nr]

Just to add to that, Hitler’s toxic ideology still poisons people’s minds today and encourages them to do evil things. This personality disorder should be taught directly in schools in the future so that people can spot a narcissist early on and learn how to not feed them, so they never get powerful in the first place. Seems a very simple long term solution to many problems in the world, but it will never happen because the people who have the power to change education curriculums are most likely narcissists themselves. Why would they contribute to their own demise? We live in a world ran by selfish control freaks with no empathy, who will inevitably drive us into self destruction. I do hope I am wrong though, there are plenty of good people in the world, they just need more power.

[@antheredhen]

I think it's both. I've watched people with their kids from birth to adulthood and the parents definitely do things that are a great part in it.. For one they say "I don't want my kids to do without like I did." so instead they spoil them with things and zero discipline or abuse. Neither are OK. My mother in law a narc herself would beat him with a boot because he was uncontrollable (her fault) then buy him things out of guilt... Even today he's 55 she lectured him on his drinking then the next day felt bad and bought him a case of beer. Wtf..

[@TheColiebear]

good point @@antheredhen 👍

[@glendapeglau4694]

In the end times people's hearts will grow cold. They will be lovers of themselves and of money..

[@DonnaMarie414]

Oh my God! I just realized that even though I want to be free from my narcissist, my feelings are as of a mother abandoning her child! Thank you, Richard!

[@winebabe]

OMG yes...his insight is so incredible. No one understood when I left my Narcissist I felt pure anguish . I felt like a mother abandoning her child ! No other professional in this field ever hit on this. It's so real!

[@kindGSL]

I guess that explains why I still love him.

[@rozdoyle8872]

@@kindGSL I guess when we are in that stage of ' still loving ' is when we don't want to see ourselves as someone who doesn't love and the truth for me was I didn't Love Myself, when I got that right all the crap fell away aswell as the Narc.

[@LauraOrr-po1mb]

I have started to think that they aren't even really human beings.

[@traysaydellaway3086]

It's very demonic. Like they are possessed and evil. That's how broken they are. Evil latches onto them. They need healing.

[@cb664]

Reptilian brain.

[@Hatbox948]

I've thought the same. They're missing something.

[@cateyu5547]

The psychic games one is spot on. It's like someone else writing my reality for me. Had a fight with a narc friend where I brought up an experience where people shared personal stories with me. I was glad they did and believed I helped people feel comfortable enough to share. To which the friend responded "That's not about you! There is nothing special about you! They didn't open up because of you!" And I'm thinking this friend wasn't even there! Like how can anyone invalidate an experience they weren't even present for? The reasonable position is to stay neutral. They can't validate or invalidate cus they weren't even there. Broke off the friendship because of this fight. Felt crazy to have someone else re-write a memory for me.

[@tammyfennell4982]

Oooooh..., "There is nothing special about you!"~Horrible thing for a "friend" to say. Just keep being your special authentic self and don't let anyone dim your light.💥 You know what you know.💞

[@cateyu5547]

@@tammyfennell4982 thank you, you too! 🌻

[@tammyfennell4982]

@@cateyu5547 Thanks! 🌻🐝

[@goldenautumn3073]

The narc's jealousy of anyone else getting the 'spotlight' is truly sickening. Yes, disengage and escape totally is the only way. They are deluded and obviously crazy people. Your experience confirms this.

[@catheriney6209]

To be honest I’ve felt annoyance when people say this thing to me as well. It’s pretty common. That since someone or multiple people have opened up to them, it must be something they did. It does seem like a weird brag. I wouldn’t want someone who I’ve shared something with to go about talking to other people in this way and making it about themselves. Maybe because my mother liked to do this often even though I know she’s a deeply self absorbed person and only has people confide in her because it gives her things to gossip about and I know she’s only doing it to make herself seem more important. So I automatically feel a sort of distrust towards people who say such things. it doesn’t always make them a bad person, either though. To be frank, people are social creatures and many will share their deep problems and experiences to others, with very little thought to who they’re speaking to, as a form to cope and just be heard. Now of course there IS somewhat of a vetting process, that also varies from person to person, some of which have much higher standards than others. Like I wouldn’t walk across a room to sit there and tell my problems to someone who has a nasty glare and is unsociable. But I’m also comfortable sharing with someone I don’t know all that well, even at the risk they may not respond to it well. But this person worded it grossly and with the way they chose to word it they were either having a realllly bad day, feeling deeply insecure, or it’s a frequent personality trait that you wouldn’t want to have in a friend. And like you said it’s your story. Maybe the people who opened up to you aren’t the type to open up to anyone, even close family members or friends, and the ex friend could’ve asked about this. Didn’t deserve a violent outburst.

[@hellEna1]

The guilt is literally the most disturbing feeling I have felt after the break up.. not missing them, not ruminating about them... just this fu****g guilt that I have abandoned someone that needs me.. Richard, I was shocked with the dual mothership analogy of Sam... it is exactly what it is. Thank you for that and looking forward to hearing the podcast with Stella❤

[@angelamoore7618]

Absolutely, but I think I mostly feel guilt and shame over abandoning the person who needed me even more, myself…again. I want to develop the willingness and comfort of following my intuition and prioritizing my wellbeing as naturally as I have met the needs of others. I tolerate too much for too long…quietly. My rage is turned inward….until it isn’t. Etc etc.

[@benjaminewering5329]

My relationship ist over a few days ago and I feel absolutely like you have written....This chewing guilt of going out of the door and dont want to come back....

[@primaveraprimavera2415]

No Guilt. They are the embodiment of SATAN! Get out and away from all the flying monkeys too. Leave but don’t tell them… too dangerous.

[@eromicafrancisco5477]

What I feel right now I'm thinking about leaving but when I start planing I cry he is all I got and all he has.

[@angelamoore7618]

@@eromicafrancisco5477 make room for better, love.

[@shannnL1]

You have a gift for breaking things down and making sense out of the nonsense. This was REALLY good! I think the first one is probably the most important for being able to identify a narcissist sooner than later. This concept is huge for me. The playing stupid. And then you find yourself over explaining, trying to teach someone how to treat you and behave like a civilized person who has morals and compassion. 🥴 what a joke. It’s all a game. The only thing they care about is continuing to play it. Brings an entire new meaning to “get a life”. Such a waste of energy. Thank you Richard. 🙏

[@saved3671]

So true My ex ,who definitely is a narc, used to say to me ,that at work sometimes he acts like he is stupid,, so people talk to him explaining and opening up to him. Playing a victim of the world at the same time. I didn't know then anything about narcissistic personality . Hmmm 10 years of being manipulated took turn to end it. In some ways I was happy it all ended ,because I felt like I was becoming different person that I didn't like . And to wait to have mature conversation about relationship ,feelings it was a joke. Never serious always some bringing back my ex ,or threatening to go, or go back to be friends if I dont like what he was doing wrong . Seeing oyhere woman behind my back. And he will say "only Jesus was perfect " I'm glad I'm out of it. It was hard to get used to this new peace, that was so strange to me. Time heals and faith in God helped me enormously.

[@victoriatodd9358]

Triangulation .. bringing in a third party.

[@LyndaHill]

100%

[@elizabethstockton1996]

@@victoriatodd9358 Or 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th party and so on... such as moving their whole family to live with you (full of narcissists and where the behavior came from)

[@christycomer373]

Yep!!!!! 100%!! Don’t waste your time or energy!

[@evanmcsparin7380]

Lack of good parenting is a huge contribution and unfortunately this new generation has a majority of these types of parents and it gets worse year after year

[@mactine2k7]

Yes

[@PoisonelleMisty4311]

They play this ‘victim’ card like it’s a game, acting like they did no wrong. Oh, but don’t you dare fall for that! They’ll twist your words and make you feel crazy, while all along you’re just tryin' to keep it real!

[@crose1469]

Yes, that's because social media seems to be more important than raising a child correctly = total lack of parenting OR conversely, helicopter parenting.

[@funkycoldmedina1207]

I've watched hundreds of hours of narcissistic & cluster type b personality disordered content. I've read countless articles on narcissist's and their behaviors. Ive had the knowledge for months now after no contact on how to heal from the abuse I endured. Until I watched this video. Ive felt like there's still more answers and instructions I am in need of to live a life narcissist free. "Give up hope" & "destroy the shared fantasy" thank you Richard. I believe these are the words I am in need of.

[@goldenautumn3073]

Richard has clarified much for me also - I believe God allowed me to find him after my first and severe 'connection' with a covert narc - the confusion and manipulation were intense. Richard helped the light shine through and I began to see this person's narc mask start to crack. When that happens you're on your way to freedom - as long as you don't allow them to suck you back in!

[@ebbyc1817]

Also, destroy the shared fantasy with the original narcissist, the parent, give up hope that they will ever care about you. Abandon them. If not, you will keep looking for people to fill that 'parent' role, no one who already has a parent, needs a parent.

[@TheWestlandgirl]

Bingo. A powerful needed concept.

[@naiyalexic]

This hit home in major ways, deeply and thoroughly. The things they do are simple, yet Richard explains this eloquently and fully, in every minute detail. This is exactly what happened in my last relationship, without a single box being unchecked or a single thread left unaddressed.

[@mamandapanda185]

Yes because there is so much about a person that attracts the dark people, and it's not at all healthy. I remember the same realization, after 2-3 years of concentrating on and obsessing about what they were.

[@andreakyriacou]

Oh wow, you are spot on, I spent 35 years with a Narcissist partner and the peace I feel after finally leaving him is amazing.

[@saucecorp9998]

I am so happy for you :)

[@caroline5421]

I too spent 35 years with a narc, it ended with him bashing the left side of my face in with a ceramic mug, and he is on his way to jail. I have said and done so much for him, nothing is ever right or enough for a narc. Our two children want nothing more to do with him!! He is in such denial, that he believes we are still a couple. He and I live apart since the 4th of July. Of 22, when he did this horrible thing to me.

[@saucecorp9998]

@@caroline5421 Best of luck with your recovery! I bet you feel so much better now that you are allowed to breathe again..

[@andreakyriacou]

@@caroline5421 Bless you sweetheart, it is time to heal for you and your kids, it takes time but just avoid any communication with him, its time for a new start. X

[@_Sandra]

They are like Agent Smiths from the Matrix movie: they just multiply and attack. It's up to you to evolve, go through the grieving process and emerge as your new self.

[@abigail_serrano]

OMG!!! This is exactly what I went through. I thought I was going crazy for 4 months. I was always in a state of frustration and mental exhaustion. He love-bombed me relentlessly and made all kinds of relationship promises that he never fulfilled after we got together. He told me that he enjoyed pushing people's buttons and getting emotional reactions. He said I was too easy to get a reaction and I got mad over dumb stuff. When I brought up issues, he always said I was assuming things and he never made an effort to address our problems. He would say he didn't say something when I had it in text. When I told him I was done dealing with his games, he said I was bipolar and I needed help. I'm so glad I said goodbye forever and blocked him. I fell 1000% better not interacting with him. Thank You for posting this video and letting me know that I was dealing with a narcissist.

[@marierose6792]

Richard, this is the first time, in the 7 years since a brutal and shocking discard, that the idea that the suffering and agony that I went through, was actually a good thing and a necessary thing. I could not breath or even move for a very long time. I made notes on this video, and I can't thank you enough.

[@daviedood2503]

What made u finally able to move? I'm a year and a half out from 13 yrs with one

[@marierose6792]

@@daviedood2503 My heart goes out to you. Everyone's situation is different. I believe everyone needs support when it is very severe. I was married many many decades and my x "acted" like a saint, and not only did I discover , one Christmas Eve that he had another life, another decade long affair, had slowly spent every penny and more etc, when I discovered, I went into shock. Then he tried to destroy me. My eldest Son, and eldest sister, literally saved me. It took me a long time, but honestly get some support, if you can. I moved to another side of the country with my Son, guiding me. Step by step, even a friendly councillor spoke to me for a few minutes, and said, just take it by 5 minute intervals, and ask yourself, what can I do in the next few minutes that will help me. I was shattered.There were so many small supports. I have gained so much knowledge about this disorder but also about ME. How I was so conditioned in my life to be agreeable and overly giving etc. The main point, is I can never be that person again. One neighbour said, This is the best thing that has happened to you. It took a long time, but I certainly agree now. You can't see the situation easily when you are IN it. I'm happy now and the grieving is over. Good luck and be kind to you.

[@daviedood2503]

@@marierose6792 yeah, supposedly I'm suppose to be thankful and feel lucky, but I don't. Even tho they took everything and emptied the house taking the family car, leaving me in her home town to take care of my elderly mother, alone...I feel UNLUCKY. I didn't have children with her, and I thought man maybe I dodged a big one, logically, but emotionally I don't feel that way. Feels very empty, lonely and just existing instead of living etc. I don't have family or anyone I can goto. All I can do is watch a few videos and gather some shards of understsnding. I found that normal people seem to be very boring for some reason. There's just NOTHING really going on with them. They just have this boring mudane cycle of life day to day...😕❤️

[@marierose6792]

@@daviedood2503 This is not the time to feel that one must feel lucky or grateful. The pain and loneliness is very real. It is also not a time to accept , what I called little tidbits of helpful hints. I had people around me, but one can feel lonely even with mundane people. It is not even the time to go into a deep dive of discovery. At the beginning I just felt that I had to bring up all my resources to hang on. Even self care is hard. I couldn't eat or sleep for 2 years... But I had faith that life would not always stay this way. I hope that each day brings one tiny glimmer of strength. It is a journey.

[@exitingparadigm]

“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift.” - Mary Oliver

[@lisamichaels1269]

Reactive is what I became, I was a monster. I didn't realize until he was gone. Thank you for all you do!!!! You saved me , I truly believed it was all me.

[@savewaterdrinkwine3802]

Me too...❤

[@jackiedinarske8101]

I did too….I believed that I was the problem for years. Because he said I was. A person can only take just so much and then they react.

[@beccareynolds4625]

Bless you 🤗🤗🤗 been there x

[@clintonnagy1662]

Me too. I'm dealing with the fact I'm the narcisst. Somehow all my virtues are no more. I'm insecure, loss of confidence and paranoid. I told my friend I need a lobotomy after this relationship.

[@Avary619]

How right you are! After a few years of this, I somehow came to my senses that there was nothing I could do or say in those situations because I was always wrong or crazy or I was referring to a different time or situation- whatever it was- I was never in the right (even though I knew I was) - so I stopped getting so upset stopped even letting him know it bothered me. I very calmly would say “I’m not going to argue nor talk about this anymore” with a very non-emotional look on my face. And at first it would bother him so much to the point that he would start trying to escalate the argument even more and so I would leave the room, grab my phone, or anything in the vicinity I could do to pay attention to anything but him. And keep a straight face like he wasn’t bothering me. Then after some time of doing that, he started telling me how unemotional, cold and uncaring I was being. So I just agreed with him. Because no matter what I did or said I was always wrong and they were always always the victim. And I did lose all hope in him because after awhile, I knew his behavior was never going to change or get better. Also, I started to notice that no matter what I said or did or gave him or gave up for him, it was never good enough. And no matter what, I would feel bad. Well, that’s something I caught on to almost right away. I shouldn’t be made to feel bad inside for doing something good especially for him. I just felt like he should show a little appreciation or be thankful for things. And then I started to find out that he was actually talking poorly about me behind my back, even telling lies to people. And I didn’t know what kind of person much less partner would do that in the manner that he was doing it. I also suffered physical abuse from this man so honestly, that was the main reason I left him. I didn’t know that the mental and emotional abuse I had been experiencing was actually narcissistic abuse until I was getting professional help and I let it all out to my psychiatrist. And for awhile he just wouldn’t give up, at first he threatened me with horrible things such as lying to child welfare agencies to get my kids (also his kids) taken from me. He actually did that and when it didn’t work, he actually begged with me, pleaded with me to take him back and that obviously didn’t work either. I honestly didn’t get to the point of the mothering stage that you talked about towards the end. I just could and still can’t feel bad for a man who abused me physically, mentally and emotionally, who at every turn, tried to turn it around and play the victim. And I also just can’t and won’t feel bad for a man who makes constant excuses for everything and also blames not only me, but actually anyone that comes to his mind at the time. In my family, the men never once complained about anything much less blamed others for any of their problems. They took care of things and never even called a woman a bad name much less pushed or hit her. They always treated everyone with respect and their wives, daughters, sisters, mothers and any woman with the utmost respect. My dad worked 2 jobs to provide for me and my mom when I was a baby as well as went to college fulltime to get an engineering degree so he could provide better for his family. He didn’t sit around feeling sorry for himself all while trying to blame my mom for things that weren’t even her fault. I think I’m lucky I was raised in that kind of healthy environment where my parents were also a really good team and we were loved equally by both parents and made to feel that we were important and so were our thoughts, feelings and even opinions. And yet, I’m doing my best to raise my own children this way without their father’s support- emotionally or financially. And still have to hear about how I’m raising my kids wrong or whatever possible he can think up to belittle me however he can. But thank God I know better. He also is only hurting himself by not taking an interest in his kids and they are 9 now and they started noticing how and what he would say about me to other people when he would take them on his visits, and it’s getting to the point where his kids don’t even want you to be around him. And they know what he’s saying is wrong or even lies. And so I tell him that then from him I hear that they are lying or that I’m coaching them or whatever- so it really just never ends. But I really don’t give a crap anymore about him or what he says or does. He is not worth the energy of even a thought. And I’ve finally gotten through a lot of therapy a few years ago and have finally gained back my self- esteem, confidence and self- respect and in no way am I going to let him or anyone take that from me again. I like your videos very much because you present them in a very understandable way and also when you’re a woman like me who’s been through this kind of abuse from a man, it’s nice to be able to listen to a man who explains things so thoroughly and in a completely unbiased way. And that’s honestly to say the least. It’s almost like a relief that there are actually intelligent men out there who know and can recognize narcissistic abuse and not strictly blame women for it or assume it was their fault or something they did nor on the other side of the coin, excuse any behavior from it. Your videos are very straightforward and informative and you explain things very well and in such a way that doesn’t discriminate. Thank you very much for your videos, they are much appreciated. I’ve been asked quite often in the past year or so to be a guest speaker at domestic violence shelters and at in-patient drug rehabilitation centers about my experience with abuse and codependency and how I prevailed through it all so I’m always trying to educate myself even more on this type of abuse because I feel it’s so overlooked or ignored in relationships and it may lead into more serious and worse problems (if there is such a thing-but there is) in relationships. I feel like telling my story to other women can at the very least make someone stop and think.

[@tariqazizrajpoot2694]

@shoaib chatta

[@isabellableu97]

I, was Raised by a Female Narcissist &, when younger would Always be Attracted to The Male version of Her! Now, living in a Domestic Violence shelter.. Starting, Over on My Healing, Self~Love, Health.. I, KNOW I CAN &, WILL FOCUS ON ME FOR AS LONG AS I NEED. 1, DAY @ A TIME. Thank, you! I, AM STRON💪🏼ER TODAY THAN YESTERDAY. I, am still Healing while they seem to Just Pop-up when I'm Closer to Being Healed from the Last Abuser😢.. &, Try to Drag Me Back To Narcissistic HELL w/ Them! 😳 Facts, EVIL Loves Company... Sending, Healing,💙,💪🏼 &, ✨...

[@Avary619]

@@isabellableu97 I wasn’t raised by narcissists my mother is gifted she’s an intuitive empath and she sees and senses spirits. She’s also seen and communicated with her father about 4 months after his passing. I also was told about 14 years ago by my mental health counselor that I had extremely empathic abilities and a very strong intuition and sense of perception and that those abilities would get stronger over time. So you could say that I’m an empath who attracted a narcissist and it completely completely sucks. Narcissistis have the ability to make the empath feel extremely sorry for them for any little thing and then we naturally want to help them in any way we possibly can to make it better or make them feel better and they honestly do it completely on purpose and love the attention, love and care you show them and really they get off on it. But if you have a problem they will never show you the same in return- they lack the ability to feel ANY empathy or compassion for anyone. And in fact, will exploit your every weakness of yours to everyone they know and most of the time they do it to hide their own weaknesses. I quit telling my former boyfriend everything after I realized that he was doing that and I couldn’t trust him. After many other mind games and mental, emotional and physical abuse, I sought help and counseling and psychiatric help and again, was told by a different counselor that I was extremely empathetic and I attracted a narcissist and she completely explained why and told me how to deal with him and she helped me start my intense journey of healing from that kind of abuse. The other thing is though, that I had such unconditional love for this man , but as an empath, I also have such an overwhelming urge to constantly help anyone but mostly people close to me and I can’t help the feelings I absorb from them and then the intensity of my own feelings of care and compassion and understanding and I will go completely out of my way even sacrificing my own wellbeing to help them. I can’t exactly explain what it is actually like but you start to realize that it’s not exactly normal when others can’t even return a small favor or give you 5 minutes to talk about your own problems. It all would leave me completely exhausted to the point of fatigue and headaches and I thought something was wrong with my health but at the time nothing was found to be wrong with me. Then I did my own research and found out that is normal for empaths. Not just narcissists but just being around people or a group of people will drain your energy field leaving you exhausted. I have had to resort to seclusion and stopped answering my phone or screening calls and only staying in contact with very few friends who weren’t ones to unload their problems on to me. I have 9 year old twins, a daughter and son, their father is obviously the narcissist and I have set strict boundaries with him both on myself and my kids. And my son has also inherited this gift (or even curse depending on how you look at it) and he is also extremely observant and is way too wise for his years. Him and I are very close both in our ability to understand each other and my understanding and help I offer him when he is struggling with this gift. Him and I are also very connected in our energy fields and when he gets frustrated or upset about anything I instantly get a headache. Anyway, I pray to God that he doesn’t end up attracting a narcissistic girlfriend one day because he’s got such an amazing and gentle heart and way with people including myself and his sister that he’s a prime target to be taken advantage of by a narcissist when he gets older and starts dating. Oh, and in case you were wondering, my father isn’t a narcissist, my parents are actually the best parents anyone could have. They always put the needs and even wants of me and my 4 siblings first, always encouraging us and supporting us in every way possible and in anything we needed be it mentally, emotionally or financially. We weren’t spoiled by any means but we were extremely well taken care of and loved. My father, however, I think has a sort of hard time understanding why I’m overly emotional a lot of times and calls me ‘hypersensitive’. Which, obviously I am, it’s just that he doesn’t really believe in things like sensitives, empaths, clairvoyants, psychics, etc. which is just his opinion and I respect that because he respects me even when I’m ’hypersensitive’ because he immediately wants to fix the problem or situation if I’m crying or showing any sort of negative emotions. And he’s been like that my entire life so obviously our energies are extremely connected and he always knew if I was trying to suppress my emotions and would ask me if I wanted to talk about it. I know that’s normal for parents but he would sometimes know before I would if something was bothering me. Anyway, I’m sorry that you grew up with having a narcissist for a parent, I can’t imagine how difficult it was as well as confusing. But not all of us who attracted narcissists later in life were raised by a narcissist nor do you have to be an empath to attract a narcissist (although it’s extremely common). Let’s not forget that a narcissist can charm even the most intelligent and emotionally strong people. They are very good at hiding their true selves and intentions to the point I call them ‘emotional con artists’. I also believe that once you realize what is actually going on and that you’re not the problem THEY are, and get some counseling, it is possible to break them down piece by piece in such a way that you reverse their mind games and react to them completely opposite to what they are trying to get out of you for their “narcissistic supply”. And once I figured out exactly their game, (which can be extremely hard for an empath because we can not comprehend their behavior since ours is the extreme opposite) responding to it made my narcissist absolutely crazy because no matter what he tried saying or doing, I reacted oppositely, sometimes to the point of being a cold hearted smart ass (that’s how he described it) and I would have to contain myself because I was so good at it I would laugh sometimes hysterically because the dramatic displays that he would put on were absolutely unreal. And he eventually realized that he was no longer getting neither love from me or a flood of emotions (negative or positive depending on the situation) and then that’s how it finally ended. And today, he is actually not doing so well and tries to tell me all the time that he realizes how badly he treated me and completely regrets it and he hasn’t been able to date or even maintain friendships because he knows that his old ways don’t work and he doesn’t really know how to act like a normal person. It’s sad to me but he refuses also to seek any professional help so right there that tells me that he is still in a state of denial that there’s anything wrong with him. And taking him back is definitely not an option because I almost guarantee at some point he will try to go back to his old ways because honestly, that’s all he knows yet he knows it’s wrong but how is he going to change it if he doesn’t want professional help ? And I definitely don’t want to go through that again and since my kids are older now, I don’t want them witnessing that type of behavior and think that it’s ok. Plus, my son is too young to have to go through those confusing and conflicting feelings that a narcissist brings an empath, especially when it’s a loved one much less a parent. I hope I’m doing the right thing in protecting him from that kind of potential treatment from a narcissistic parent. I have made him aware of it and that it’s wrong, but he has a much greater insight than me surprisingly. It has all been a long journey of learning and healing for me and even my kids but it’s also made our bond stronger as a 3 person family. We do include or try to include their father at holidays and other occasions and so far he behaves himself but we still keep him at a distance to protect our own wellbeing and sense of security.

[@isabellableu97]

@@Avary619 Ok.. I, hear you. 🌬️💙💙💙... Healing, for Me #1.

[@teresahamill6679]

He's been playing the victim role (thinks he's been traumatized) for most of his life. Is totally medically non-compliant. I could go on & on, however those of you on this website have experienced this abuse too.

[@lizlois777]

Youve entered..."The Twighlight Zone"...aka... The Covert Malignant Narcissist life I've lived. A living nightmare.

[@HappyValleyGuy]

Thank you for this superb clarification. I’ve spent 53 years with an abusive narcissistic father . Finally one day I decided Iwas JUST DONE.🎉 no more trying to fix , no more trying to change things, no more doing anything, only identifying and staying clear……JUST DONE.. Wish everyone a new year of letting go and stopping the vicious cycle. 🎉

[@brendaplunkett8659]

I couldn’t pretend along with him that he didn’t sexually abuse me anymore. Everytime I saw him or let my young kids see him, I was betraying myself and putting them in danger. Enough, just enough.

[@darlenetindell362]

Be careful that you don’t turn into a monster while fighting a monster.

[@Katfall2012]

Nope. You can’t be a monster to a narcissist… you just can’t. Anything they get, is their own doing

[@Createair]

Exactly because by doing that you’ll be where they always wanted you to be”to be like them”

[@FtwSportsHovel]

I forgive not for her but me. I refuse to hold on to hate. She is a damaged child who cannot love. I can have empathy for a cobra but it gets treated like a cobra.

[@LisaDilwicius]

I don't think I've turned into a monster but a broken damaged person who is distant and depressed. Who doesn't trust people anymore A person that I feel has a totally different brain. This isn't me. All the trauma and abuse has actually damaged my brain. All the mind games and manipulation along with the never knowing what's gonna happen next has locked my brain into Fight or Flight mode. My clear thinking rationalizing prefrontal cortex has shut down. I'm running on my middle brain which is where fight or flight is stored for when one is in a life or death situation that part of your brain kicks on to help you survive. Well that's just where I live permanently now.

[@CubanSavage856]

I'm currently in a relationship with a narcissist I'm 37 mother of 4 & been married 10 years.... They ONLY CARE ABOUT..... WHAT CAN YU DO FOR THEM.... The TYPE That will Break Something right Infront of Yu... Look Yu in the eyes & tell Yu that Yu did it.... WHY YU ASK... BECAUSE HES THE BEST AT NEVER TAKING Responsibility FOR ANYTHING.... DON'T LET THESE Type OF MEN INTO YR HOME... MINIPULATOR, LIAR, MAN CHILD.... BLAMES Me WHY HE DOESN'T HAVE This or THAT... AS IF I GAVE BIRTH TO AN UNGRATEFUL TEENAGER I DON'T REMEMBER Birthing... NO.... It's SOME ONE WHO .... I BELIEVED WOULD LOVE ME , I THOUGHT WE WANTED THE SAME THING... But They just TAKE TAKE, TAKE.... Never GIVE ANYTHING but HEADACHE, HEARTACHE.... I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS REALLY my LIFE..... 🤦.... I WOULDN'T WISH THIS ON My WORST ENEMY.

[@inezgraer5482]

It's taken me twenty years to finally acknowledge I had spent 31 years with a narcissist! Ten months ago I severed the relationship. It has been the most challenging and frightening time of my life. Man it would have been easier had I met you then!! I knew nothing and started my research from scratch. I am absorbing soooo much content and advice but your sessions are so damn practical and easy to grasp and resonate with. Wish I could afford latest course but no matter, what I get from these videos helps immensely. Thank you so bloody much!!

[@ambermoon719]

Inez Graer 💗 Wishing you well. Get yourself set up for the healing stages. It can take time. And at some point you won’t even be interested in studying narcissism. It may flashback you backwards as it does to me now. Richard was the best in helping me all the way, because he’s the most honest about looking at ourselves too. Not always pointing the finger outwards. That’s why I stuck with him.

[@inezgraer5482]

@@ambermoon719 thank you so much for this response and your honesty. I am amazed at how I managed to stay sane. I had zero knowledge on what I was even doing but I knew it was right! I will certainly listen to whatever is available from Richard inn KZbin . Thank you again. Much appreciated 🙏

[@ambermoon719]

@@inezgraer5482 Zero problem. Wishing great things ahead 💕💕

[@bluedogfish2]

I’m at 26 and counting …. 2 years being aware I feel so stupid not knowing the playbook

[@mdee860]

@@bluedogfish2 - we ALL feel that way at first, when the light bulb 💡 goes on & we finally figure out what we're dealing with. Then we do a deep dive, then most get angry at them & ourselves for falling for that crap. Next, hopefully - we ALL start working on our Exit Plan. It's truly the only way, you/we have to leave!

[@terrywhelan6651]

This makes so much sense. Thanks I do feel like I'm abandoning a child, but it's really a monster pretending to be one. Every day, you slowly heal. Going no contact is the only solution if it's possible. If not, minimize the relationship. Once you see through their mask, it's hard to believe what you see. They can't change. They just change tactics. Run and never look back!

[@fatchanceannie]

It's amazing how much one can see when GOD Opens our eyes of understanding.

[@dr_redford]

Amen!

[@christig3072]

Amen and amen

[@latishabooker7476]

Amen

[@Lokogerrysfoodandtravel]

🎯

[@PoisonelleMisty4311]

One minute, they’re buttering you up, acting like you’re their whole world, then BOOM! They’re ghosting you like you don’t even exist.

[@sczj777]

This game is how they manipulate their sad lives. Thank you Richard for being easy to understand.

[@irisball6307]

Exactly what I experienced with my Son in law I stay away but my Daughter suffers

[@danamimm411]

Watching these videos is like watching someone explain the past 12 years of my life to me!

[@arlly204]

This is mindblowing. If this doesn't encapsulate a narcissistic relationship in the most profound way, I don't know what does. It really is like living in a matrix they created.

[@HopeLilly-t8w]

I couldn't walk away from a Narcissist for a years. I knew this was abusive behavior. I knew it was morally incorrect I knew my feelings were valid. I just could not explain why it was so hard to walk away. I kept having tremendous guilt. As if I was Abandoning A lost infant. Or child....I felt I would be wrong or cruel giving up even though I new it was sucking the life out of me thanks to this very very helpful advice I feel validated in my feelings. Understood I know what I have to do and I can live with it. Thank you.

[@BigBlessingsSzn]

And because of your empathy to see the good in them, that’s how they keep you looped into their mind games. It hurts like HELL once you finally walk away bc you grieve the fact that the person you grew to love never existed. I wish you great healing and I pray that you’re patient with yourself bc it’s gets worse before it gets better after walking away from a narcissist… but it’s Worth it!!❤

[@robyschwendi2856]

i know how you feel... i said Goodbye to her today,,, i literally blocked her in all Social Media and then went to church and cried my hearts out 😭!!! 5 hours later came a message from her after 2 weeks of ghosting... why? Why can't i just leave in peace 😢?

[@christinalw19]

Always put YOUR oxygen mask on FIRST. Breathe.

[@surbhi3685]

Same happened with me since last year. But finally I decided to leave. Bcoz I deserve to be love. He doesn't deserve to be loved and destroy the same person who is loving him.

[@surbhi3685]

​​@@robyschwendi2856if you had blocked how could you get the message. Stop reading the messages. He also did it everytime I said him to break up he used to send me emotional videos and texts so I returned back. But this time I have blocked. N before blocking I deleted his all msgs without reading.

[@jamiequigley6263]

This is the best quote I’ve ever heard. I was in one of the most toxic narcissistic relationships for 12 years with two children. I had to get a five-year restraining order and I’ve had to press through every unimaginable fear possible and still this is the most brilliant quote I have heard “Abandon sincere communication..communicating with the emotionally insincere.” Instinct never falls survival is built into just that!

[@FreekVonkie]

This is so true. I'm a narcissist myself and hopefully recover from it. I notice that I'm using the strategy of a narcissist. Even if I know my wife is right, I'm using all kind of tactis Richard is telling. It is all about manipulation. It is very childish using her words against herself, even if she is telling the truth. Twisting, turning around, denying, lying, etc. I feel like an idiot when I'm doing this now. But I'm learning.

[@nd9551]

If you have the honesty to see that then you are NOT a real NPD. you use the tools and technics. But are not the essence.

[@WahWeeWooWah]

True Narcs will never be able to admit that they are the problem. I think all of us as humans have had narcissistic tendencies.. but it becomes a problem when they become abusive and never see that they are the problem. Married to a narc for 12 years

[@travelingpatti2834]

Weather you are or not at least you see there is a problem and are trying to change that. That is huge and I thank you for that.

[@danbeswick9737]

fair play for having the self awareness to realise you;re doing it mate, at least you can work on it and it shows you;re not full NPD as well

[@ioneliatoma3603]

Wow ......I cannot believe someone just accepting so easy😮

[@mashajohns7810]

This was empowering to watch. The person who displays narcissistic tendencies still trying to” destroy me “.