5 Mind Games Narcissists Play | Narcissistic Abuse

[@Althea1111]

See DARVO, deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. Blame shifting, gaslighting behavior of the narcissist.

[@charlotterodgers9168]

Dr Ramani teaches this and its so accurate

[@jaredmello]

That’s a good one

[@lindajoyrainbowneal5609]

... devil-carryin' hellions, in denial re their upcoming appointment ... (-_'|

[@yanajohnson5776]

What do you do if the child is the narcissist and you are the mother?

[@KristonMahr]

It was always subliminal comparisons, never directly stating something, even after years of no contact they presume to know everything about me.

[@1RPJacob]

_The moment you stop giving s$it about whether the relationship works or not, they lose their power to manipulate you._

[@roberthunton8175]

Yeah that's true in my case grief was what freed me from a narcissist when I was grieving her true colours were revealed a week after my grandmother's funeral I walked away never looking back I got that "you will never find anyone better than me" speech I checked out when she asked me "is there someone else" she was with me that morning when the doctor told me my grandmother was dying

[@debbiehepler2007]

Exactly. And they hate that.

[@Variant1on1]

This is so true.

[@IFYOUWANTITGOGETIT]

💯

[@lalani888blue]

That's true. However they use that opportunity as well to continue doing things to make sure you feel devalued. They never stop. Best thing is to get rid of them. Period. Purge your home, your life of ALL the trash

[@steel811]

My personal favorite is the “we already talked about this” and “stop living in the past and get over it” when the issue was never fully resolved

[@acolley2891]

Or they are still doing the thing " in the past". And you actually "never talked about" anything, just got a word salad.

[@roberttaylor9334]

That's when it's time to pull up your boots and get out of there...😮

[@rynickhenderson296]

Tell them this…$I’ll stop living in the past when you stop making it the present. Say let’s play a game.. what ever you want me to do you do it first for two years then I’ll do it. Say you would never stand for this… so I’m not either. Every thing is bc of you… so say everything is bc of them. Be that mirror.

[@marniepowell948]

Deep

[@EvgeniiaDolinenko]

So true❤

[@WandaGlodowski]

Nobody talks about loneliness you experience when you break from that person. This is especially sad when you are old and have no one else.

[@nikivasileva552]

You have yourself and that's enought.

[@shirleyann245]

You also have God, authentic, truthful, and forgiving

[@f.frederickskitty2910]

Hugs to you Wanda ❤

[@sharonappleton22]

You're right, it's a sad time. I'll send a hug to you 💞

[@SmartSwitch-tc5mp]

​@@shirleyann245God? 😂

[@issievdhorst]

They NEVER give you closure.

[@nicolerymarenko7726]

Ugh, sad realization but It's something we have to accept.

[@clintonnagy1662]

NOPE. They want to see you squirm. They love the control.

[@jeffreypmitchell]

Closure is a myth. The myth is damaging to you.

[@catherinegrout1513]

You don't have to wait for them to Give You Closure. You can put an end to the relationship and move on with your life.

[@suzanneorbellmeyer4823]

Nope, not even on their death bed. NEVER! I know first hand. He died 8 years ago.

[@EvgeniiaDolinenko]

I told my narcissist about my childhood trauma. And I regretted it soon. Never never talk about your traumas until you see it's a normal person, not a narcissist. 😢

[@miliblossom1602]

True❤

[@arianebennion]

Yep, constantly tells me my relationship issues ate because of something that happened 30 years ago not the fact he's been cheating for 5 years.

[@eto111le]

Don’t claim them as “yours” they don’t deserve to be anywhere near your energy ❤️‍🩹

[@NatureRelaxation87]

Mine told to get over it😢

[@TheStoicArmyPainter]

i told my wife one time i slept with an older woman out of paint and loss of a past relationship and she reminds me of it weekly. :(

[@lolab1643]

If u feel constantly confused and upset and miserable you are dealing with a narc. Get them out of your life and never go back ❤

[@elanawrot9889]

Yes, confusion, all the time, constantly, it's draining so much

[@lolab1643]

@@elanawrot9889 I had it for 14 years.. he was my best friend and the love of my life . Thought I’d never get over him… but I did! And I’m much happier, at peace and healthier now . The key is acceptance and NO contact. Ever again .. as much as you love them it is just not possible for them to change.

[@paulaw9764]

And when it's your own Son, imagine trying or having to walk away... 😭

[@lolab1643]

@@paulaw9764 So difficult for you. My mother is bipolar and a narc. I walked away from her constant drama years ago and life is better… but then I got involved with another one and went through it all again! I can spot them a mile away now… Don’t think I’d be able to let go if it were my kids though.. good luck to you with your son 💛

[@paulaw9764]

@@lolab1643 I didn't think life could get any tougher, but when you're reduced to feeling like nothing as a person, then something has to change. Even if that change also hurts like hell. You end up not knowing what's up or what's down or sideways anymore and I'm done with it. All the best to you, maybe things will come right for us eventually 🙏❤️

[@Glenda-rv4bl]

All I know about narcissists is this…. Once you “See it”, ie.. the “abuse”, you cannot ever “unsee” it.

[@pamelagibson470]

@@Glenda-rv4bl Amen to that

[@Melusi_Nyathi]

Very true.

[@youtubesucks5131]

"you start to BECOME them" - URGH. This definitely woke me up to a degree

[@clintonnagy1662]

Absolutely. I was being just like her. Blame shifting, gas lighting, and guilt tripping. I'm embarrassed. I didnt know it could happened but it did.

[@quetvnet]

I started questioning if I was also a narci 😮

[@tjhammer24]

This is a profound fact and the realization comes far down the line. Trusting yourself and accepting all the instinctive things you told yourself in the past about them and relationship is a key to breaking through. No longer gaslighting yourself!

[@suzanneorbellmeyer4823]

Yes, that is a true statement. You do become them, aarrrhhĥ

[@suzanneorbellmeyer4823]

But back then, I knew nothing about narcs, never ever heard the word. I have learnt about narcs after he died

[@jayh4830]

“Abandon sincere communication, when you are communicating with the terminally insincere”. Words to live by

[@JohnMoreno1958]

True.

[@salgar1234]

Yeah I keep getting caught up in this one! Those people who seem like they are interested in having a meaningful conversation, until you start talking and then they instantly turn off!! They have no interest in hearing what you have to say.

[@dmoon5150]

This!.. and don't over explain when they throw accusations your way that you know are not true. They only want a reaction. This one is still hard for me and I've been out for 10 years now. Out of the blue, he will text something that happened 20 years ago or he will tell me he did something that he knows will hurt me when he did not actually do the thing. I finally figured out, he just wants to stress me the fuck out and he did this our entire 23 year marriage.

[@irishrose1970cr]

Lots of people are like this. Especially when they ask about you or what's wrong. They start looking away, change conversation, belittle your feelings, their situation is worse than yours, toxic positivity, etc. It's all about gossip and general chit chat. It's so hard to find real depth and compassion anywhere.

[@cynthiawhite1122]

@@irishrose1970cr Yes, those that do not understand and give you a bunch of unsolicited advice really pissed me off. I have since weeded out many "friends." while building up my "true tribe."

[@shannon8315]

It's a happy and sad realization to know you're not the only one dealing with these emotionally damaged, soul sucking, people eaters.

[@marielaedgar8759]

Absolutely! Thank you!!!

[@shannon8315]

@desertmandan123 It's exhausting to the victims.

[@shannon8315]

@desertmandan123 it's amazing how once we're aware of narcissistic behavior, you see it a lot more than you realize and accepted before. It's nice to be aware.

[@marie-pierre1789]

In my case I started to heal when I realised I attracted these kind of people and why.

[@shawright9273]

YES IM ON A FOG OT HURTS😢

[@darlenetindell362]

Be careful that you don’t turn into a monster while fighting a monster.

[@Katfall2012]

Nope. You can’t be a monster to a narcissist… you just can’t. Anything they get, is their own doing

[@shawnadeyo]

I got out of a relationship with a narcissist for 8 years. I quit dating for 2 years. I FINALLY started "dating" again. And wow. The first person I start talking to is already trying all these things. I am so incredibly grateful for these channels that teach us about these types of people.

[@TheHSoko]

1) Pretending not to understand 2) Deflect and attack 3) Deny 4) Psychic Reading (being told what you feel not asked what you feel) 5) Re-Framing (bringing up some other thing, in particular if it’s hurtful to trigger you into emotional stress) Thanks ✏️📒

[@traycwilson945]

If you happen to see this comment directed to you about your post, would you please copy it and send it to me? Thank you 😊

[@DMAC1301]

There always has to be that one that lists the points of the video,,,, ugh

[@balanceskateboarding8807]

Helpful thanks for the list

[@lillyrose1422]

Thank you for taking the time to write this list ..❤

[@TheHSoko]

@@lillyrose1422 💕🙏🌈

[@sherryyoung2974]

Lived in this secret nightmare for 30yrs. Huge help to learn of this bizarre disorder. I call it my a secret hell because they are so talented at secretly abusing you whilst looking so charming to others. These videos are revelation!

[@carolsummers8734]

People mostly women would tell me how lucky I was to be married to him. But it was his facade in public, not what was real in our marriage and family.

[@marylusunshine]

so sorry you lived so long through this. i was married to a "vulnerable narcissist" which is much harder to identify--for 30 years also.

[@tamimann3828]

I can see why you stayed in the relationship so long. That would have most likely been me too as I have stayed with my vulnerable narcissist husband for 9 years and I have now separated from him in the past 2 months. This education is such a revelation to me. It has certainly helped me understand why this leaving him is so hard. I knew something wasn’t right with our marriage early on but because I was so ready to believe only the good I ignored the red flags. I had been happily married before for 28 years and he passed away so I knew that my current marriage shouldn’t be this hard. But, had it not been for the education I would still be in this weird, confusing marriage.

[@gracekangethe7969]

Wow!

[@kindGSL]

@@marylusunshine Me too, but it was only 23 years of marriage and another 15 years to get over it. The worst part is I also lost my kids; they haven't spoken to me for the whole15 years.

[@melissasmith1295]

Narcissists also like to say, "You're stuck with me because you'll never find another person like me." I finally woke up and told him. You're right because I'll find someone who's better. I got divorced Feb 2019

[@tricialafrancerougas]

Good for you! When I told my ex-husband he lied about what he believed to get me to marry him because I told him I would never date a said person, he said well you’re stuck (because we both don’t believe in divorce)… I told him I wasn’t stuck and he told me I was stuck 2 more times! 8 months and I left. It’s definitely a demonic spirit… the confusion, disillusion, belittling, deflection, blaming, control… so glad I got out and that I’m healing!! ❤️‍🩹 God has taught me so much even though it was the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced!

[@sheilabryant5229]

I was constantly told how ugly I am and then how pretty I am. 🙄

[@tricialafrancerougas]

My ex husband told me I was stuck with him 3 times back to back because we both don’t believe in divorce. If we had different opinions about something, he would state his was correct 3 times back to back when I would tell him how I felt. I would just say it’s okay that we feel differently… you will never have a healthy relationship with a narcissist.

[@clintonnagy1662]

Funny you say that. My ex gf use to say that alot. " You're stuck with me". At first I was happy because she is beautiful, funny, good job, no drugs and not a criminal. I don't get women like her ever... Later, I felt it wasn't quite what she meant. I may have low self esteem, but my tolerance for bullcrap works just fine. The mind games wore me down.

[@UltraGalacticSuperFantastic]

Yeah :( my ex fiance said "You're too old to find someone else, that's why you'll never leave me." He said it with a smile and said it was just a joke. I was so hurt by it also because he knew our age difference (just 4 years) made me feel insecure. He kept backpedaling and would not acknowledge how hurtful it was. He ended up leaving me for someone 8 years older than him.

[@tracywilliams1527]

I'm just so exhausted from knowing ....ruminating endlessly

[@clintonnagy1662]

The same happen to me. I practice distracted thinking. The moment I recognize I'm having obsessing thoughts about her, I immediately think of something else until it counters her memories. Look at it this way....they arent thinking about you, why bother thinking about them? Besides they are probably spending all their time grooming their next victim because they don't have morals. As long as my ex has new supply to fit between her legs, she is happy.

[@jolesliewhitten6545]

When you see a person is a narcissist, plan quietly and run. Don’t go back. They WILL hurt you.

[@goldenautumn3073]

Yes, totally. Absolute cutting ALL contact, and keeping it that way , even if you have to get the Law to ensure it, has to happen if you want to get their sickening control out of your life.

[@melissawilliams1050]

RUN is right! Never turn back!

[@Venomonomonom]

There ARE good ppl with NPD tho. Some ppl with cluster-B get help bc they want it. Also, nobody is evil. Some ppl being difficult and selfish can be a result of disorders. If someone is even a psychopathic villain, they're simply a result of their environment and nature.

[@jullietmburu9672]

@@Venomonomonom There's a reason why they get the bad rap - they've EARNED it 💯 There are other disorders, including cluster C and A, and yet still, cluster B are the ones who are predatory and lack empathy and intentionally hurt people to get their way. Only cluster B will seek out a person, manipulate purely to use and discard and NOT see a problem with that. For them love is equal to how much you are willing to be used. They also seek out fellow disordered people (mostly cluster C) and use them because, they are easily manipulated and attached. Ain't no saving some monsters. We appreciate scorpions and wasps, but you don't see anyone trying to pet or cozy up to them - because to hurt you is part of their NATURE. We also want those we love to be far far away from wasps and scorpions, and only professionals are able to deal with them. So is the same with cluster B.

[@djbabyv]

Not if i hurt him first

[@Kvinnie424]

Abandon sincere communication when dealing with the insincere. 💯

[@reneeewens-bettridge8420]

Wise words!

[@biggrhymees88one]

What if you do the opposite consciously when it is clearly communication is not sincere?

[@jaiprakashagrawal3580]

Agree totally.❤👍😊🌹

[@mitziclark7488]

Sick mental cases

[@jaiprakashagrawal3580]

@@mitziclark7488 agree.sort of vampires..👍

[@deborahserafin8253]

"You should abandon sincere communication when you are communicating with the terminally insincere." That's it right there.

[@jickie511]

Yes, love this! I cut off communication with my SIL a year ago, FINALLY my husband also took that step yesterday. Such a peaceful feeling, literally and figuratively. His phone isn't blowing up constantly. I could never understand why he tolerated it, he would answer and every time it was wash, rinse, repeat, same conversation, like a hamster in a wheel 🙄

[@agrlockwd1492]

@@jickie511 Hope your last few weeks was like a vacation. :)

[@shirleyscott1600]

Never tell them what they do that makes you feel bad. They will only do it more.

[@leahansel4596]

When the narc is your mother....on a whole other level. As a child, I had no frame of reference. Its taken 58 years to see the light. Thank you for your help!

[@oeaoo]

Same here. But I suspect she got not just narc thing. Very adaptive though.

[@lorrainenicoletti6232]

Same here 68 years in!! Isn’t it shocking not to know what was going on ? It’s only very recently that all this information and distinction regarding the abuser rather then victim , me , flipped it all around! Years of fix me therapy. Frustration, when knowledge, the deep dive on the games being played by these people gave me REAL POWER.

[@eagleeye2300]

I so understand, having been through the same thing. Both of my parents were narcissists. Consequently every romantic relationship I've had has been with narcissists. The last one so insane and damaging I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD what had been going on all my life. After leaving, it took me two years to be able to brush my teeth every day, and to bathe regularly. Only someone who's been through this would get it! Much love and strength to you. Live your best life now... That's my plan. We win by being who we are, and standing in the Light.

[@damanodrama]

My mom is a not the malignant kind of narcissist but the helicopter over controlling mom who never allowed me to be myself. She is disrespectful to the core but disguised by “duty and righteousness”. I had to turn Into a very thorny person so she would not get Inside of me and rearrange everything. Unfortunately, even she meant well, she was still emotionally toxic and manipulative so she was always the perfect good mother and I was the rebel. I feel a gut rejection and contempt towards her. I don’t feel love or wish to care for anything related to her But she keeps her tentacles all over my life. Smear me with everyone She portrays me as unfit to society and an unruled daughter who will always need a mother. But I don’t I am my own mother And she senses it And hates me for it Makes me pay for it I had overcome all this at old age But oh how much I wish I had the tools early on so I could defend myself properly So sad

[@oeaoo]

@@damanodrama so familiar. The funny thing is that it's just a set of narratives in their heads we believe and care about for some reason. They rely on our belief and in fact it's them who are dependant and dead without us, not visa versa. So, let's stay calm seeing and hearing all their garbage. It just does't touch anything as it's just all sick nonsense.

[@margorytheron552]

41 years I am married to a narcissistic husband who controlled me, cheated, verbally abused myself and my children, manipulated, lied etc etc. The saddest of all is that I have only learnt 6 months ago what a narcissistic personality is. I have always thought that he has a psychic dark side and needs help. Now I am standing up for myself, getting stronger.

[@marielaedgar8759]

It's taken me 23 years to awake! Now comes the healing...I'm trying to divorce him but it's so emotionally draining!

[@Nxtlvlfreq100]

You’re not alone. 37 years SMH

[@wednesday8397]

Sweetie, I GET it! I'm married to one (21 years now) and it thrills me that this video teaches us how to fight back instead of just identifying the narcissist. Some of these I've learned on my own, but most I didn't so this guy is AWESOME

[@lealina5030]

30 years. Exactly same experience. Now divorce in which, with the help of his lawyer, he tries to blame me for the exact same things he has done and I have not (cheating, stealing) in order to get me finance the rest of his life. It's unreal but these videos are a tremendous help.

[@wednesday8397]

@@lealina5030 they help me as well. Sooooooo much. I can call him out on his gaslighting when he does it which ends the argument because I'm right.

[@Lisa-gn7dc]

This is THE GREATEST VIDEO I've ever seen on narcissistic abuse!!! I was married to a sociopath for 45 years. He passed away two months ago and I am slowly recovering while grieving not for him but for a lifetime of heartache and regret...

[@fizzliebob]

I'm truly sorry you've gone through this. I hope you're finding SO much joy in your life now, and will be able to 'make up for lost time' - and get to truly know happiness for the rest of your life 🤍🤍

[@Everythingsfiiiiine]

My narcissist ex would say the most vile hurtful things and when I would get noticeably upset it would be "What's wrong? What did I do?". When he knew damn well what he did.

[@amyporterfield6523]

So familiar...repeat the same words he just said but in a sickening sweet sing-song way. Are there non-narcissistic people out there?????

[@perla5921]

They're all the same. Passive aggressive

[@inbetweenmeetings]

9:10 they make you have an emotional reaction and then blame you for being too emotional.I’ve dealt with this for the past year and I want to break free. The problem is they weren’t like this in the beginning so I keep thinking “this monster isn’t who they really are” which is a delusion in itself. The abuser is never abusive allllll the time so they convince me they still have this great side and it’s just simply not true. They are a monster and they will never change.

[@thetammiejohnson]

My friend of 38 years is going through this right now. Her husband works her like a sculptor works clay. What’s your intellect realizes and what your emotions want are often opposite. I understand exactly went you are going through. It is just completely incomprehensible to someone who really wants relationship with another person and that other person treats them with cruelty and tries to make them feel like they’re stupid and selfish when in reality it’s the narcissist who’s stupid and selfish. I had a relationship with someone for seven years, and I had known them for three years prior to beginning the relationship and in their mind their behavior was perfectly acceptable and anytime I tried to talk to them about how they were making me feel, or if I tried to find a compromise, it was an exercise in absolute futility. And the sad part is is this Person had some really wonderful traits, but the bad things outweigh the good things and their outright, selfishness and absolute refusal to even consider compromising anything ruin the good. To this day I still love that person and I still enjoy talking to them for just a couple of minutes, because anything longer than that, and they start dragging up our past relationship from 16 years ago And telling me how wrong I was or making nasty little comments about how I am. So I just avoid them because the just does not make up for the bad. And I tried so hard so long to work on it to be patient to try to find that good person that was there in the beginning, and I finally arrived at the conclusion that People change and that person makes no effort to see what they’re doing and how it’s making you feel, you will never be happy. Happiness is subjective. It really is the only person who can make you happy or unhappy is you and if you had a normal mole suddenly change into a deformed and painful spot, would you hope it would revert to a normal & nondescript mole? No, you would not. You would go to the doctor because you would realize that you most likely were developing cancer. Because that’s what those people are they’re cancer, and they will eat you up and not care. The flashes of the wonderful person that you knew before are exactly that… little flashes…. is literally what you’re going to get so if those little flashes of that, keep you happy enough to stay in the relationship then you’re gonna have to accept that that’s how the person is and understand you agreeing to how they treat you knowing that they’re not going to make any effort whatsoever to think about you put you first or compromise in any way, just as it has begin to sour, it’s only gonna get worse because that is basically the evolution of a narcissist and the longer they have , the deeper their hook is sunk into you will reflect how badly they treat you. I have no idea how old you are, but it’s similar to what happened to Patti Hearst. Because it literally starts changing your perception as well as your responses. It becomes your normal. And that is a very sad normal. I feel so bad for my friend, because she says exactly the same thing I know the good person is in there. This person is not who I married. All the problem is is the person she married no longer exists. I really wish you from the bottom of my heart the best possible outcome. But I can tell you right now if the person you’re speaking of will not acknowledge, recognize and monitor their responses continuously and commitment even if they change temporarily, it’ll just slide back in to the behavior they had.

[@penelopepitstop06]

They love to get your goat and laugh about it.

[@AnnieOFlaherty]

I am 82years old/young Living with my only daughter single mid 50s failed relationships and says she finished because I needed her. We share a house together my portion of mortgage paid in full. Living in he'll for 22 years. I am now inn poor health and she is refusing to let me avail of home help I have lost all nature for her. Through listening to videos such as this. I know she will never change. I am trying to distance my thoughts from her as I now feel she she is demonic. I do believe in Jesus Christ.

[@cincyfanjunglecity9871]

Going through this exact thing right now.

[@lindsaywilliams3774]

You fell in love with the mask. Not the real self. Move on.

[@asalane20]

The really strange phenomenon was the Groundhog Day quality of the relationship. There was no forward development or increase of trust and care. It was the same tactics in slightly different form over and over again.

[@49times]

Thank you for putting this into words!

[@ssarkansas]

But only we see the repetitive actions. For them, everyday is a new day and yesterday never happened. They expect you to move along, but you're not going anywhere, and put that smile on and don't mention their behavior or the hateful words they spoke to you. Unless they want to bring up YOUR minor faults, cause that's ok. Even the ones from YEARS ago. Don't you dare bring up what was done to you just last night. It is the most exhausting and frustrating thing to deal with.

[@lolab1643]

@@ssarkansas You don’t have to deal with the situation.. u can leave and end it. You have a choice! When you complain about a situation you make yourself a victim. Accept it or change it. I know it’s hard but that choice to let go of the narcs will change your life for the better… Always✨

[@danadragulescu5842]

That is one of the moments where you understand that the relation will NEVER geht better , being caught in a circle which only drains your energy.

[@heatherfeathers]

​@@ssarkansasI literally could have written your comment. How TF are they all the same? DNA link? Spawn of Cain? It is terrifying.

[@vickigonya9432]

Yep for 25 years I hoped and got gut kicked with regularity throughout every day. Finally gave up and left. Access denied!!! I abandoned 10 people in 1 day. I simply told them , If you cannot treat me with kindness and respect- dont contact me. And for an entire year zero contact. I waited to see how long it would be without me being the one driving the relationship, not one of them ever contacted me once not by any means. So 1yr to the day, I changed my number and cell provider, withdrew from ALL social media, fenced in my front yard with a gate across my driveway and moved on. It hurt at first particularly on holidays. But 4 years later. Im so much happier and peaceful without their behavior. Im indifferent to them. Good, bad, doesnt matter Im not available. Im only on You tube now.❤

[@jupo9928]

You do not need your partner's approval to break up with them. You don't need them to agree.

[@laurasteinmetz7684]

Recently I've come to this realization: If someone's actions/words cause me constant confusion (be it subtle or overwhelming), I'm probably dealing with a narcissist because my poor brain is trying to 'normalize' what's going on, not knowing that 'normal' just ain't gonna happen with this person. And IF I'm dealing with a narcissist, I'm dealing with a LIAR. I do NOT believe narcissists are intelligent people (bear with me). I do believe they are extremely adept at ONE THING ONLY: manipulation. And manipulation is basically LYING. That's all they really are. Liars with no life skills whatsoever who have to manipulate their way through the years. Even any charisma exuded by them is a mask, a LIE. Look at the top 5 things Richard wrote that they do. All those tactics can be boiled down to one behavior: LYING.

[@marierose6792]

That is my thoughts exactly. And they really do not SEE or appreciate you, because they see that they have gained you, only through their manipulation. True love can never exist for them. And this gives them a feeling that they can easily discard you.

[@christycomer373]

It’s what they do best! They never tell the truth or answer a direct question honestly. They are just grown adults with the mentality of a child who never grew up.

[@AZDC99]

Thanks for the confirmation I needed an addition to the other ones of letting go of a friendship. Caught them in a lie about a documented fact of a movie of all things. I'm not Mr Movie Nerd or anything--but it went to show that their commentary about things I was going through were also based on lies like I thought. The funny thing was they tried to cover up a lie with another lie. (So much for the "Everybody lies" line that I grew up with from my dad). It is priceless to have you state something I knew was always wrong. I wondered if I was being oversensitive? But, years of little white lies and then hearing things that sounded like big lies made up on the spot, I ran for the hills from this friendship.

[@specialtwice4975]

I find narcissists mostly dumb. There are smart ones out there but there are more dumb than smart. Psychopaths/sociopaths on the other hand are wayyyyy smarter. This is what I have experienced so far.

[@doreenclapper1270]

How true, and we'll said.💝

[@robinchilds7492]

He ended the relationship because of my boundaries. I calmly walked away and went no contact.

[@MA-xh8pk]

Best thing you’ve done for yourself

[@laura-2]

When it comes to narcissistic abuse, it's crucial to focus on understanding the dynamics of the abusive relationship and the impact it has on the victim, rather than making assumptions or generalizations about their behavior. Narcissistic abuse can have a profound and complex effect on victims, often leading to emotional trauma, low self-esteem, and a distorted sense of self-worth. It can erode trust, create feelings of isolation, and manipulate the victim's perception of reality. Some victims of narcissistic abuse may struggle with maintaining healthy boundaries, trusting others, or recognizing their own value. In some cases, individuals who have experienced narcissistic abuse may engage in behaviors that are out of character, including cheating or seeking validation outside the relationship. These behaviors can be a response to the emotional turmoil and manipulation they have endured. It's important to approach this with compassion and understand that these actions may stem from a desire for validation, escape, or a misguided attempt to regain a sense of control or self-worth. However, it's essential to note that not all victims of narcissistic abuse engage in infidelity or seek external validation. Each individual responds to abuse differently, and their actions may vary depending on their coping mechanisms, personal values, and circumstances. If you or someone you know has experienced narcissistic abuse, it is crucial to seek support from professionals such as therapists or counselors who specialize in trauma and relationship dynamics. They can provide guidance, healing strategies, and help rebuild a healthy sense of self-worth and trust. Remember, the effects of narcissistic abuse are complex, and the healing process is unique to each individual. Judgment and assumptions can hinder the understanding and support that victims need. Providing empathy, compassion, and access to appropriate resources can contribute to the healing journey and empower survivors to rebuild their lives. Additionally, If you need to find out about a cheating narcissist; send a request to: Barryinvestigation@gmail. com

[@ShaareiZoharDaas]

This is ONLY true of grossly normal people who have higher than average narcissistic tendencies NOT text book clinical narcs who tend toward sociopathy and psychopathy. I have no compassion beyond recognizing their humanity and staying away.

[@fatchanceannie]

It's amazing how much one can see when GOD Opens our eyes of understanding.

[@dr_redford]

Amen!

[@christig3072]

Amen and amen

[@latishabooker7476]

Amen

[@trevaclarke2935]

As the child of a narcissist, trying to understand how someone who was supposed to protect and love you could be like this is truly overwhelming. Anguish seems too small to describe it. For me it's simply psychological torture. I feel haunted.

[@TearThatRedFlagDown]

Same with my girlfriend, her mum is a massive narcissist and my girlfriend only realised how much damage was done to her after she moved out and wasn't exposed to her mum for an extended period of time. Now, years later she's still dealing with it.

[@Phillyhippie215]

You described this perfectly. I feel the exact same way. Like my mom and father cursed me with some sort of psychological virus that’s here for life. I resent them so damn much. Not because of how they treated me, but because I had no choice to absorb it all. I wish I could go back to my childhood with all the info I have now. I also hope this new generation of children having to deal with a narcissist are seeing videos like this to break the cycle early.

[@thetammiejohnson]

My step granddaughter is in my daughter and her father’s custody and her bio mom and grandma are so cruel in hope they tag team work her. Her dad has spent 3 years trying to legally address this after the bio mom refused to even consider a member of her household (stepson) was starting to show inappropriate sexual based attention towards his stepsister when daughter was with bio mom on her weekends access holiday time. It’s heartbreaking that bc bio mom and G’ma are relatively wealthy they are dismissed as abusers and given the legal ability to emotionally destroy a child.

[@lolab1643]

You will never be able to understand that which is not understandable. They think differently and cannot feel emotions such as empathy, love and compassion like normal people. Trying to understand is just wasting your time and prolonging your pain. Just get them out of your life and let go and move on. My mother was bipolar and narcissist.. my father her enabler. They are both dead to me now and my life is finally peaceful

[@jewlej]

Hello - both my mom and dad were narcissists along with my only sister. I got with a guy who turned into a textbook psychopath but I studied him up close and he doesn’t have this parental instinct just doesn’t have the capability of love. It’s gone I saw it as he let our child jump across roofs of sheds in one of our visits. That was years ago. This year I realized my own mother doesn’t have it either she’s a covert narcissist that made a few comments to me which she knew how I was being treated and she didn’t care. She pretended to be a caring mother then her parents passed away and she went 180 full demon. She doesn’t have it either and I’m floored, 2 months later and I still can find myself crying. It hurts worse than being with a psychopath. And my sister is just like her, if not worse (set up to take her husbands baby which was successful, prevented husbands mother from seeing husband when he was in a coma, evicted that mother when he didn’t recover she had lived with them). Just evilness

[@jmfs3497]

I became a people-pleaser and over-explainer from CPTSD, and that led me into traps with toxic people. In the last few years I learned about the traits of Narcissism and OCPD, and how to use Grey Rocking to stop people-pleasing and over-explaining. Now I have a better time of not taking things personally, putting distance between myself and people I perceive as toxic, and spending more time on my own healthy actions than seeking validation from others. I had to learn to abandon my own toxic insecurities and need for approval from everyone. I now play stupid, quiet, and start going about my own business whenever I feel someone is seeking some kind of supply. I will walk away from them and go do something I want to do, rather than spend time "being nice" to someone who doesn't seem to catch-on to how to treat others.

[@lyricdyanara]

I know exactly how you were feeling! I grew up people pleasing. I was taught that women are the care takers, the boo boo fixers, be a good wifey...blah, all bull$hit! Who takes care of me? Who supports me? Now I know it's ME...Now it is, "Bye, bye toxic training of the old days. Give me respect you'll get respect. Be a caring human to me I'll be a caring human back to you. I'm not here to "fix" anyone." I'll stay single before I'll fall into that BS again.

[@lanamaart1000]

Agree with you...

[@TheWestlandgirl]

Exactly. Stop trying to please others, just be an honest person and do and say nice things without expecting an Award or acknowledgement. Do it for your own personal happiness or fulfillment.

[@melissawilliams1050]

I suffer from all of this and struggle daily. Any pointers?

[@janpressler1491]

I've done the same thing over and over the years, trying to be understandable, caring ect. and it never gets better, the narcissist just loves to tear people down. I've been Gray Rocking and soul distancing my spouse, what an ass I thought, but it's worse....he's a Narcissist!!! I'm learning what you have learned and it's working, but We do need to find our own happiness away from Narcissist People. I'm 70 and I'm so tried of these crazy narcissist people. I joined a community, and learning what makes me happy. Thank you, I too have learned to play stupid, quite, and walk away too. One thing witch brings my love and joy is being round animals, that's my happiness.🥰

[@MrCrowsight]

What I don’t understand how they act like the relationship doesn’t even exist and talk to you like you’re a coworker .. it’s horrible

[@pamelagibson470]

@@MrCrowsight that is the cruelest part of their mentality because they get power from it

[@TheJXP5]

When he was mad he would call me "bro" 🙃

[@evanmcsparin7380]

Lack of good parenting is a huge contribution and unfortunately this new generation has a majority of these types of parents and it gets worse year after year

[@meldavis2563]

Giving up hope and accepting the truth about them is the most important step to getting over the narcissist

[@Fishsticks007]

Exactly. I tried to “fix one” or adapt to their behavior for 4 years and it nearly killed me. Absolutely awful people. They never change. Never.

[@nofsingersarah]

It’s liberating when you do except and move on

[@jasonstone8222]

It's demon possession. They're pathological liars that won't take responsibility and accountability

[@centeredmuslim3436]

This is the truth.

[@wonderfulwenna2710]

There are no such things as Demons,this is a mental health condition.

[@jasonstone8222]

@Wonderful Wenna mental illnesses can be corrected with the truth. Someone that says there is no such thing as demon possession also doesn't believe the Bible. Word of God says there is. Most mental illnesses are due to willful sin snd the demons enter in and the person loses self control and something else is controlling their minds bodies and behaviors. The spirit realm is real. Deliverance is absolutely 100 percent real. Tho once delivered they can go back to their sin and get repossessed. Bible talks about that too.

[@wonderfulwenna2710]

We all have our own beliefs,whether they are true or not.Agree 100% about the lying ,accountabilities ……..😊

[@jasonstone8222]

Demons effect the mind and come in in a variety of ways. Genetics= generational curses with familiar spirits attached that persuade the individuals to sin and the demon entered them. Can come thru trauma and abuse. Evil entertainment sinful lifestyles Drugs including pharmaceutical drugs getting into the occult knowingly or unknowingly just to name a few. . Alot of mental disorders could be remedied by repentance and acceptance of the truth and prayer fasting worship etc. Most suffering with these illnesses are full of excuses for their bad behaviors....excuses are lies...I mean if you know right from wrong but choose to do wrong these demons come in and control a person who has not repented and renounced of the sin that let them in. They chose evil over good in alot of cases. Unbelief in the word of God is in reality an evil too. The old saying the greatest trick the devil ever played on humanity is to convince people he doesn't exist is true too. All ungodly personalities are demonic spirits and there's an opposite for those that alliingn

[@susansimon4255]

"GIVE UP" is the key to happiness!

[@sunnydays7107]

Once you finally come to the emotional reaction, when your brain can't take it anymore, a smile would register on their face.

[@sallybucket6924]

Yes. My mother. She did that so many times. Gleeful that she'd "gotten me".

[@stevenconnolly28]

At 39 years of age I have finally realised both my parents are Narcissistic people. I have now started the process of zero contact. Only so much abuse one person can take

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

❤❤❤❤🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙌😊

[@nicselectronics81]

Same 39 years except mom is real.

[@resfre3q]

Amen to that brother keep that zero-contact going. Stay strong!

[@ginacassares6801]

Watchnout for. The rage. And tricks they play. Revenge on you for not allowing this

[@simsim876]

Live for the peace, that’s all that matters. Don’t go back. Look after yourself, you deserve it

[@AZDC99]

17:28 "You MUST give up on them! You must close these boundary walls." My problem was giving up on them and then not sticking with it

[@RICHARDGRANNON]

If you're having difficulties I'd highly recommend the new course on richardgrannon.com

[@giselarivera9846]

Gbu I'm just getting out after 20 yesterday narcissist abuse 😊 is better late than never.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Dad is my narc; he blamed me for abusing me. I'm done with him and his toxicity!

[@CarrieEarls]

I stopped speaking sincerely with my husband over a year and a half ago, and it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. You cannot reveal your thoughts and feelings to a narcissist, and that was a hard lesson to learn.

[@CarrieEarls]

AND I love that you say give up hope! This was key for me. Who is ever going to tell you to give up hope? Or to stop expressing yourself in an effort to gain understanding and reconciliation? No one, basically. The whole episode is fantastic.

[@kelevare2438]

Been surrounded by this my entire life … from my mom, bro, sis, my kids dad …this is sickening. Caused me to have severe health problems

[@AngelDiaz-lh5lj]

Same 😩

[@gavegas7043]

Same here. No contact = self preservation

[@user-ot2xc8tl1h]

Me too. I was even victim of parent alienation by my narc ex and own mother they turned my own sons against me. I think they are now becoming narcissistic themselves 😢I only pray they see the light. But I need to take care of my own self

[@poohbeared40]

((Hugs)) in the same boat, you are not alone. Hang in there and learn as much as you can because then you will learn how to not allow them to trigger you or hurt you.

[@Shofargirl1]

I know ❤

[@mysticrose3543]

My mother's common statement was, " oh, you must have misinterpreted me". She said this for YEARS. I wasn't even accusing her of anything. She would verbally insult me or do something mean. I would say, " Why did (would) you say/ do that ? " oh, you must have heard me wrong ". This went on my whole life. I had a nervous breakdown at age 29 from all this insanity. After that, I stopped drinking, got help and cut off all contact with her and all my siblings. Sick, diabolical people. They WANT you to ruin your life. Literally. She died last April and I was relieved. Like a thorn was pulled out of my side.

[@beccareynolds4625]

Incredible isn’t it but I know when / if these people die I will feel the same.

[@Sleeplessmclean]

My mother drove me to almost suicide at the age of 13. She tried everything in the book to make me feel crazy, gaslighted me always. A monster.

[@valerierichards3613]

Abuse lie deny rinse repeat. I felt nothing when my narc mum died, not happy or sad. They are selfish to core and don't care how much pain or damage they do to small children. It's hard work to undo psychological trauma but working on it

[@marshaaragon2336]

Oh that statement I know it well. I have the type of mind that I remember words exactly as they are said, I see the words in my mind....great for school bad for relationships. I have hear you misheard me since I was a child. It has moved from my mother, to my ex husband, and now the piece of work that just dropped our 8yr relationship, including engagement, in the trash. They are all narcissistic and this last one I completely missed. Thank goodness for KZbin and videos like these. Not only do I not feel alone right now....I am learning how to not "mishear" ever again.

[@everydaytherapist7315]

They say "you must have misinterpreted me" while in another breath accuse you of an intention or motive you never had. They will take your words and prove how malicious you are when, in fact, your words were innocuous and the intent was NOT what they say it was. So when you then say, "you must have misinterpreted me" they will smile inside.

[@abigail_serrano]

OMG!!! This is exactly what I went through. I thought I was going crazy for 4 months. I was always in a state of frustration and mental exhaustion. He love-bombed me relentlessly and made all kinds of relationship promises that he never fulfilled after we got together. He told me that he enjoyed pushing people's buttons and getting emotional reactions. He said I was too easy to get a reaction and I got mad over dumb stuff. When I brought up issues, he always said I was assuming things and he never made an effort to address our problems. He would say he didn't say something when I had it in text. When I told him I was done dealing with his games, he said I was bipolar and I needed help. I'm so glad I said goodbye forever and blocked him. I fell 1000% better not interacting with him. Thank You for posting this video and letting me know that I was dealing with a narcissist.

[@LauraOrr-po1mb]

I have started to think that they aren't even really human beings.

[@traysaydellaway3086]

It's very demonic. Like they are possessed and evil. That's how broken they are. Evil latches onto them. They need healing.

[@cb664]

Reptilian brain.

[@cjwill9920]

"It can't be reasoned with, it can't be bargained with, it doesn't feel pity or remorse....and it absolutely will not stop ever until.."

[@shelleywinters6763]

I'll be back hehe the matrix and the terminator references. Love it. Should help me remember next time I'm dealing with it

[@iramsavir5631]

Absolutely correct! That describes them to a T! I've experienced that first hand.

[@idorion9096]

Until you are dead....

[@CarmenPerez-kz6rw]

“It?” If you are calling your narc an it, you are the narcissist.

[@idorion9096]

@@CarmenPerez-kz6rw It's a famous movie quote. And it fits

[@keeleysmith2174]

Don't forget all the love bombing at the start and then in between. You fall for them for a reason. And sometimes they seem to have open and honest conversations where they earnestly talk about change and growth. Monsters aren't monsters all the time, at least not at first. Not when things are going their way. Observe them when things aren't perfect, or when they've had a drink, or how they talk about their ex or their parents. Mine was the 'abandoned child', the victim, the martyr who did so much for others and had realised he was 'just better than everyone else'. Every concern was met with: 'I've done so much for you'.

[@averagejane09]

Gosh yes. The holding over your head the things they do for you as leverage to silence you when you bring up something unrelated and totally valid. OMG.....if you dare have feelings about anything...boom...I worked so hard for you and this is how you repay me...yep.....and yes....the love bombing....creates the trauma bond. You keep trying to get back to the good stuff...cause you saw it before...so it is real right? Gotta be there somewhere. I noticed I slowly got less and less emojis with hearts or kisses or hugs and then at some point realized I was initiating most of the contact...but he would act offended if I finally sat back for a few days to let him take his turn...then I was ignoring him according to his theory....sigh...really hard stuff to get your mind around and it is like boiling the frog....the change happens so darn slowly that it takes a while to realize what has happened.

[@ksc2736]

My God - that's so eye opening. My bf is the same; the emotionally neglected child and then the saviour in all of his relationships. Except for ours; I'm saving his a** right now because he's so fucked up; but don't you think he's ever done anything for me EVER

[@TheCovertsEnabler]

This makes me feel much less crazy. Lol No one has had it as bad as him *48 min of the victim story later* It hurts him to be so caring, though! Hahahaha

[@marcosrivera9112]

HOLY SMOKES.... im literally mind blown. This is relief, pain, shock.... all at once. This makes sense.

[@perla5921]

Lots of truth here

[@user-rc2xs5ti2w]

I just got in to write that I don’t care about their games because I adopted a hermit lifestyle where just loving people and my pets are allowed in. In my past I had to learn a lot about narcs. Now this is past. Never lose your hope, overcome phases of pain and find your sovereignty!

[@Cass_772]

This is one of the most powerful video I have ever seen on narcissist... 16:20 "you start to feel like them"

[@donnareis520]

All of his videos are straight up, thankyou again ✌️

[@sparkoflight963]

Sam Vaknin on KZbin is fantastic on NPD!

[@Cass_772]

@@sparkoflight963 yes I am following him too! Thank you!!

[@user-zu2yh7wv6n]

Holy crap. Reactive abuse. Thank you for putting a word to this. I am going through this currently. It's devastating to know my spouse could be and likely is playing a game. I reacted poorly from a false accusation and now the focus has shifted to my poor reaction. And the name calling due to my reaction, involving the word "psycho" hurts. I'm in the midst of realizing what I thought was love my spouse had for me was never really there.

[@dilligaf8349]

Dr Todd grande on face book does some great videos and opened my eyes way to late. Learn learn learn and you might be able to save yourself

[@shawndubbz]

Exactly! I knew within my relationship there was gaslighting and narcissistic traits, but to put a name on THIS is very important. THIS exact thing happened in my relationship constantly. It makes me mad how many times we argued. The more we argued, the more ammo they were getting. Once you finally stop giving a shit about the relationship, they lose their control, and suddenly they disappear, don’t want to see you, and start dating someone new before you even realized what the hell happened. VERY true story. Happened to me. After 2.5 years.

[@daxachampaneri9390]

Pls help I'm going through this hurt

[@sarahnoah3693]

And they have a way to make everyone think I’m mean and crazy.

[@glendapeglau4694]

I think the game comes so naturally for them that they don't even see it for what it truly is

[@BeVal-bj8vi]

Narcissism effects only about 6% of the population. And I'm convinced all that population has a podcast on so-called narcissists, giving consolation to the undeserving and spreading misinformation

[@YBSolow]

They'll remember everything they liked about themselves in a day, but if you bring up something they did wrong that same day, they instantly lose their memory. 😂

[@cammihill3505]

I have seen a lot of videos on narcissistic people, and this is the first time someone has broken it down so perfectly. Thank you!

[@raeven1200]

💯🎯

[@nicolerymarenko7726]

Yup! I agree. This one is a complete breakdown.

[@annie.76]

My x husband’s favorite was deflect, gaslight, and trigger. Anything to manipulate the focus off of him and the facts. Communication in all forms becomes tiresome, nonproductive, and just immature. It’s wonderful to not engage anymore.

[@joyshipley706]

This too was my story

[@carolsummers8734]

When mine divorced me he told me I wasn't a good Christian wife but his mistress was.

[@ttaylor8239]

Oh no, I have an Autistic child. I've worked with Autistics for over 20 years. Narcissistic abuse is completely DIFFERENT than Autism and I am more than happy to give a presentation as to why. Completely and totally vastly different. It's insulting to Autistics to even say such a thing. I appreciate you addressing this.

[@rachelsmyth4529]

Thanks so much for your comment. I'd be really grateful for more pointers on this - thinking it might be neurodiversities creating issues and therefore unfair to view the behaviour as narcissistic. Has kept me trapped in confusion.

[@catsarecool2123]

For starters, is is common for us autistic folk to hate lying, and only do it under great pressure. Not knowing/understanding neurotypical social norms is very different to feigning confusion when it is convenient. Being hyperfocused on special interests is different from showing a partner general disdain and then love bombing (keeping them confused and disempowered). Overall, do they seem to be more interested in an idea of you they have in their head and less in the real life you? In general, I would say autistic is more awkwardly authentic, while narc is more calculated

[@LIA-LHS]

I almost married to a narcisstic bf last year and suddenly God swipe me off my feet and opening my kundalini. It was like God forced me to stay back, sit and learn. I had my spiritual awakening and went thru depression for almost 1 year. Now i'm healed and i can see the world clearer with different perspective. I'm still on my healing and i'm so grateful for the lesson. I'm walking toward those who love me as much as i love them, exploring my self, my new skills, and this universe. Our mind is amazing and thankful God for the guidance, im so protected. Bless you all.. never give up on your self. Big hugs ❤❤❤🤗🤗

[@ct3343]

I’ve found narcissists tend to jar these emotional reactions out of you when other people are around to make themselves look higher when you react. They do keep their childish behavior so under the radar that it can take decades to learn about this.

[@trinatrina9090]

O man, nailed it!

[@elliot9828]

A huge one for me was when they deflect things back on you, to take the focus off themselves and to antagonise you..and then when you explode, the whole argument becomes about your reaction, which they claim is unwarranted, and that you’re the crazy one. What makes it worse is that if you’re a self reflective and self critical person, you believe them..and that destroys you..

[@rh5273]

Exactly what i went through.

[@sallydr]

I grew up with 2 alcoholic parents where I was the scapegoat because I wouldn't sell my soul to them. At that point I was a victim but I am not now. I attract narcissist's into my life. It is a dance that I am comfortable with. I don't like it but I am comfortable with it. That is what I knew. I feel much better not being a victim and knowing that my behavior was learned behavior from my sick parents which I can correct. Not easy but I can do it. Wonderful video.

[@alphascholar2001]

You don't attract them - they attract you!

[@eltigremadre]

My children are my narcissistic abusers . Mothers day is absolutely horrific, thank you for helping me learn how to heal

[@juliawarry9760]

Mine too. I know I have no choice, but I know after watching this I have to give up hope for my own sanity.

[@stuartwhite7128]

I wonder where they got it from 🤔 Stop manipulating your kids. Listen to them and support them.

[@shannnL1]

You have a gift for breaking things down and making sense out of the nonsense. This was REALLY good! I think the first one is probably the most important for being able to identify a narcissist sooner than later. This concept is huge for me. The playing stupid. And then you find yourself over explaining, trying to teach someone how to treat you and behave like a civilized person who has morals and compassion. 🥴 what a joke. It’s all a game. The only thing they care about is continuing to play it. Brings an entire new meaning to “get a life”. Such a waste of energy. Thank you Richard. 🙏

[@saved3671]

So true My ex ,who definitely is a narc, used to say to me ,that at work sometimes he acts like he is stupid,, so people talk to him explaining and opening up to him. Playing a victim of the world at the same time. I didn't know then anything about narcissistic personality . Hmmm 10 years of being manipulated took turn to end it. In some ways I was happy it all ended ,because I felt like I was becoming different person that I didn't like . And to wait to have mature conversation about relationship ,feelings it was a joke. Never serious always some bringing back my ex ,or threatening to go, or go back to be friends if I dont like what he was doing wrong . Seeing oyhere woman behind my back. And he will say "only Jesus was perfect " I'm glad I'm out of it. It was hard to get used to this new peace, that was so strange to me. Time heals and faith in God helped me enormously.

[@victoriatodd9358]

Triangulation .. bringing in a third party.

[@LyndaHill]

100%

[@elizabethstockton1996]

@@victoriatodd9358 Or 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th party and so on... such as moving their whole family to live with you (full of narcissists and where the behavior came from)

[@christycomer373]

Yep!!!!! 100%!! Don’t waste your time or energy!

[@NaiSaetern-tp6fi]

I don’t let them play me any longer and now I start a new life. I just want to thank God for giving me the strength for the last 30 plus years dealing with four of my siblings. Now going forward im being happy again.

[@mrslavanderblu]

“Terminally insincere.” Damn. That’s a great way to put that. Very true. And very sad indeed. 😢

[@hellEna1]

The guilt is literally the most disturbing feeling I have felt after the break up.. not missing them, not ruminating about them... just this fu****g guilt that I have abandoned someone that needs me.. Richard, I was shocked with the dual mothership analogy of Sam... it is exactly what it is. Thank you for that and looking forward to hearing the podcast with Stella❤

[@angelamoore7618]

Absolutely, but I think I mostly feel guilt and shame over abandoning the person who needed me even more, myself…again. I want to develop the willingness and comfort of following my intuition and prioritizing my wellbeing as naturally as I have met the needs of others. I tolerate too much for too long…quietly. My rage is turned inward….until it isn’t. Etc etc.

[@benjaminewering5329]

My relationship ist over a few days ago and I feel absolutely like you have written....This chewing guilt of going out of the door and dont want to come back....

[@primaveraprimavera2415]

No Guilt. They are the embodiment of SATAN! Get out and away from all the flying monkeys too. Leave but don’t tell them… too dangerous.

[@eromicafrancisco5477]

What I feel right now I'm thinking about leaving but when I start planing I cry he is all I got and all he has.

[@angelamoore7618]

@@eromicafrancisco5477 make room for better, love.

[@viviankang]

Oh my gosh, you're basically describing my husband. I thought I'm the crazy person in this marriage for years.

[@lillyandtheghosts3597]

Same! Left 3 years ago

[@shinobi1x]

Wow,.. how have you survived, I dumped my narcissist g/f after 2 years of dating. It took months to start to heal and get back to myself and not worry about her. I dodged a bullet and if not for channels like these I would've been lost and probably back with her in her web of games. Free yourself. Wishing you all the best. 🙃

[@viviankang]

@@shinobi1x I'm still trying to survive the marriage. Unfortunately I'm not financially independent, I also have a son with ASD&ADHD, plus my own health issues, I don't see a way out of this life.

[@TheLuigi69]

​@@viviankang aw all the love and luck in the world. 🙏🏻💙

[@lalalad4536]

@@viviankang I am in a relationship with one for 16 years now. I started realising he was a narc a few years ago, with the birth of our son it became more clear who he realy was. We both work fulltime, so I have MY life when I’m not with him. When I’m with him I go blank, try not to go where he wants me to go emotionaly. I’ve been thinking a lot of leaving him, but I am scared to co-parent with him. I am trying to hang on till my Son is old enough to see the truth about his father.

[@andreanolan7725]

I am at the beginning of a divorce from a narcissist, this particular video has been so helpful in understanding how to relate to my interactions with my ex-husband. I kept thinking " there must be a term for this behaviour." I spent so much time and energy being sincere, explaining his immoral actions and how confused I was by what was happening. I wish I had seen this 14 years ago. So much emotional and verbal and financial abuse I have experienced because I thought I deserved it. I will be buying the narcissist abuse recovery course. I got some homework ahead of me. Thank you so much. This information has changed my life.

[@KammiNeko]

Escape stories are the best! Congratulations!

[@user-qm9bh1we6y]

I remember my brother telling me you don't say how you feel I say what you feel.

[@ma-ray-ka]

When you’re the actual mother and they are your adult child the grief and heartbreak is overwhelming.

[@ettecram]

I feel you ❤ i hope you are better

[@sharontennison6370]

I finally felt the necessary compassion for my mother-in-law

[@jillianfreyman6325]

Same situation. So hard. Hugs 🤗

[@marielaedgar8759]

😢 if it's your children it would hurt so much more. I'm so sorry 😔

[@marybethnance3167]

It is so hard when it is your adult child. She has control of the grandchildren and what they think while they still live at home. My daughter quit talking to me for 2 years. Out of the blue she decided to come back into my life. One year later, she pulled the plug again. I have learned a lot during the 1st time she cut me out. It has saved me some agony identifying the problem, learning how to react to the problem, and trying to learn how to accept it as best possible. Knowledge is power!

[@scorpiolove674]

Yes!!! Putting a covert narcissist to the curb[ who had been cheating, lying, stealing $$ from me ] was SO INCREDIBLY HARD, I described it at the time as putting an injured puppy out on the curb. In hindsight I had been manipulated to feel that way about a predator who had manufactured "a life of hardship" stories . Me coming from a state orphanage I had sympathy and empathy . Never again !!!!!

[@bananafanalll6651]

I was an orphan also. I’ve been married to a narc for a while now. I finally broke free for the most part. I think orphans are easy to manipulate.. at least I was. So eager to please and trying to get that love I’ve always needed.

[@scorpiolove674]

@@bananafanalll6651 I'm so sorry you got a bad one [ narc ] They see us as easy marks for extraction of love and resources , in my case he lied about being abused as a kid to " mirror" me ,turned out he was quite adored and spoiled by many family members . I'm out a year now, I wish you the best on breaking free and healing , we are so strong because we had nobody !!!!❤🤗🌷🌷🌷🥰🙏

[@space1456]

This was pitty play and they know we cannot see them suffer and we don't want them to suffer of abondonment.

[@Kathleen67.]

Very well said.

[@samanthamariah7625]

One of the best comments I’ve read in regards to setting a narcissist out on their own….”setting a wounded puppy out on the curb”. That’s exactly how they manipulate you to feel. Thank you and I wish you a healthy relationship in the future. Be careful.

[@KathySalcedoBeal]

Reading the comments, I want to say to each one, "I know exactly what you mean and how you feel. " I am in the process of exiting a Narcissistic marriage. The Trauma... I honestly thought that I was alone and these circumstances were unique to me. I Can Imagine What Can Be. I will find more caring and mentally healthy to communicate with again. I will heal.

[@Jaimie505]

It’s absolutely terrible. I feel disconnected from God now. Thank you for your videos!

[@ofmonadsandnomads9500]

“Abandon sincere communication with the terminally insincere” I did just this on some subconscious level, then only later realized it. Then when I felt this mentality spilling over into interactions with real people too, this is when I finally woke up and cut off the relationship with the narc.

[@Dazzle500]

Perfectly explained here 🙌 Don’t Walk away from a narcissist…. RUN!!!!

[@TenPointTyrone]

But do it quietly

[@zakierahorton2142]

I’m trying

[@Ej.-fc5md]

Love it 10000% real. Abandon sincere communication when communicating with the insincere. Narcs are big time liars.

[@Enlighten9096]

Hardcore narc mother +50 yrs. Year daily trauma counseling to fully rip off betrayal blinders & save my life. Still in hospital recovering. Richard Grannon’s work is 100% accurate. Additionally: his evaluation of the DSM as seriously shortsighted by failing to considering ranking & weighing a priority order of necessary personality traits as also critical is 100% accurate. Weighing each trait appropriately and placing lack of empathy, first is critical. Keep up the good work.

[@funkycoldmedina1207]

I've watched hundreds of hours of narcissistic & cluster type b personality disordered content. I've read countless articles on narcissist's and their behaviors. Ive had the knowledge for months now after no contact on how to heal from the abuse I endured. Until I watched this video. Ive felt like there's still more answers and instructions I am in need of to live a life narcissist free. "Give up hope" & "destroy the shared fantasy" thank you Richard. I believe these are the words I am in need of.

[@goldenautumn3073]

Richard has clarified much for me also - I believe God allowed me to find him after my first and severe 'connection' with a covert narc - the confusion and manipulation were intense. Richard helped the light shine through and I began to see this person's narc mask start to crack. When that happens you're on your way to freedom - as long as you don't allow them to suck you back in!

[@ebbyc1817]

Also, destroy the shared fantasy with the original narcissist, the parent, give up hope that they will ever care about you. Abandon them. If not, you will keep looking for people to fill that 'parent' role, no one who already has a parent, needs a parent.

[@TheWestlandgirl]

Bingo. A powerful needed concept.

[@naiyalexic]

This hit home in major ways, deeply and thoroughly. The things they do are simple, yet Richard explains this eloquently and fully, in every minute detail. This is exactly what happened in my last relationship, without a single box being unchecked or a single thread left unaddressed.

[@mamandapanda185]

Yes because there is so much about a person that attracts the dark people, and it's not at all healthy. I remember the same realization, after 2-3 years of concentrating on and obsessing about what they were.

[@DonnaMarie414]

Oh my God! I just realized that even though I want to be free from my narcissist, my feelings are as of a mother abandoning her child! Thank you, Richard!

[@winebabe]

OMG yes...his insight is so incredible. No one understood when I left my Narcissist I felt pure anguish . I felt like a mother abandoning her child ! No other professional in this field ever hit on this. It's so real!

[@kindGSL]

I guess that explains why I still love him.

[@rozdoyle8872]

@@kindGSL I guess when we are in that stage of ' still loving ' is when we don't want to see ourselves as someone who doesn't love and the truth for me was I didn't Love Myself, when I got that right all the crap fell away aswell as the Narc.

[@user-ok8mr6qz7h]

I’ve never heard a narcissist can get better or even seek treatment

[@ay-tj7pj]

it's always the victim who seek a treatment...never the narcissists

[@RORRIMMIRROR]

My husband performs all of the games. I tell him how he makes me feel and yells that I can't know what he feels. I tell him, no. I don't know how you feel. I'm saying this is how you make me feel. He also acts like a teenager and says, blah blah blah and shuts the bedroom door when I confront him. He then yells at me to treat him like an adult. Just the other night, I told him we need to stop fighting. He looked at me and said", Then stop." It shook me. I asked him if he really believed it was just me. He looked right in my eyes and said nothing. I had to walk away

[@scottmatznick3140]

You've made quite the splash in the psychology community. Dr grande had a whole video about how you're a quack. Funny. All I ever got from him was upset. You've helped me stay grounded. To me, it seems the proof is in the pudding. If you're able to be helped by someone, then they're the most capable person. It doesn't matter what piece of paper hangs on a wall. In fact, I would prefer someone down to earth than blinded by dogma.

[@kamroc1]

Agreed. Plus a Dr named Grande is perfect lol

[@Julie-bj9jn]

@@missy5513 If you've had a bad personal experience with Mr. Grannon- and you haven't spoken with him about it, perhaps you should.

[@wonder7798]

That video he did was from quite a long time ago. When Richard was still figuring himself out. Richard has personal experience like we all do, but then has education and knowledge from connecting with Sam Vaknin and others.

[@poboy8490]

@@missy5513 well then cast the first stone

[@oanaalexia]

This dr. Grande dude gives his attention on the subjects of criminals and other types with a twisted mind. I went to the comments once and people felt so grateful for the new crimes discussed and how they got fun times coming while watching. My heart sunk that day, also, the sheer amount of superficial, popcorn type of content he produces is quite prolific. I think it pays good bucks but I can't find true value in what he produces, it is detrimental to any type of healing process. Over time I've seen and felt the growth of Richard and implicitly my own transformation and there's always room for improvement. At least I'm choosing the type of content that helps me learn how to set right values, intentions and boundaries.

[@dearfinesoul]

Thank you for this superb clarification. I’ve spent 53 years with an abusive narcissistic father . Finally one day I decided Iwas JUST DONE.🎉 no more trying to fix , no more trying to change things, no more doing anything, only identifying and staying clear……JUST DONE.. Wish everyone a new year of letting go and stopping the vicious cycle. 🎉

[@brendaplunkett8659]

I couldn’t pretend along with him that he didn’t sexually abuse me anymore. Everytime I saw him or let my young kids see him, I was betraying myself and putting them in danger. Enough, just enough.

[@donnalange8767]

The last one I dealt with manipulated by humor to drop my guard. Humor and the puppy dog child, or the polite, soft spoken gentlemen.

[@paulajensen3664]

I love the straight up, no sugar coating truth. I know I need that after being involved with the insanity of a NPD. I listened to many of your videos, where I first learned about NPD, the behaviors, baiting, gaslighting, etc. I felt so good about seeing that and moving away from that and him. Felt like I was getting my sanity and power back. Then we both had family tragedies - his first - and he reached out to tell me - very nice, seemed like we could be "friends" and then it began..again. I couldn't believe I fell for it - kind of like I was just eased in, should've seen it coming but didn't. Now I know why - yes, the guilt, all the things. Thank you Richard, for this, for the work you do and for presenting solutions - I will need to take your class.

[@mollesmart]

I loved that quote "Give up hope despair, return to God" so true. Everytime I went throught his cycle and submit to God he fills up your cup once again. That's priceless! Ps: I love your charisma, style and passion in the research and the details you provide. Amost like you're sitting inside our heads and know just what we need next. It's priceless. Thank you!

[@beaglerescue5281]

My little fantasy that I had to give up hope on was a close relationship with my only child. Especially hard when you once had a beautiful relationship.

[@TheColiebear]

narcissism is unbelievably epidemic in our society in contemporary times. truly, it must be social media and the internet which has fueled this exponential rise in personality disorders.this is the video I needed to see and should be required viewing for children at an appropriate age/entering adolescence when it seems these problems really start to take hold and express externally. most therapists are way too kind towards these people and do not understand the sick depths of their personality. thank you Richard.

[@beaglerescue5281]

Social media blames the parents. It’s like some wizard behind a curtain pushing buttons and pulling cords getting everyone to argue and discard each other-screaming “No contact!” What a world.

[@JL-dl8nr]

Just to add to that, Hitler’s toxic ideology still poisons people’s minds today and encourages them to do evil things. This personality disorder should be taught directly in schools in the future so that people can spot a narcissist early on and learn how to not feed them, so they never get powerful in the first place. Seems a very simple long term solution to many problems in the world, but it will never happen because the people who have the power to change education curriculums are most likely narcissists themselves. Why would they contribute to their own demise? We live in a world ran by selfish control freaks with no empathy, who will inevitably drive us into self destruction. I do hope I am wrong though, there are plenty of good people in the world, they just need more power.

[@antheredhen]

I think it's both. I've watched people with their kids from birth to adulthood and the parents definitely do things that are a great part in it.. For one they say "I don't want my kids to do without like I did." so instead they spoil them with things and zero discipline or abuse. Neither are OK. My mother in law a narc herself would beat him with a boot because he was uncontrollable (her fault) then buy him things out of guilt... Even today he's 55 she lectured him on his drinking then the next day felt bad and bought him a case of beer. Wtf..

[@TheColiebear]

good point @@antheredhen 👍

[@glendapeglau4694]

In the end times people's hearts will grow cold. They will be lovers of themselves and of money..

[@aliciahopegage7904]

100% , reactive abuse, denial & then cycle starts all over again.

[@XTRAIT-em4rx]

This documentary is a 100% sound. In the context of being perfect or exact, this is absolute.

[@pianogirl9676]

My favourite scenario is when you bring up an issue that’s bothering you and they deflect and accuse you of something else, then you end up apologising. Afterwards you’re like “what just happened?”. Someone I knew used to be such a professional at this to the point where I would forget what I was talking about several times during the conversation. I ended up apologising EVERY SINGLE TIME. He also used to wind me up a lot, insulting me where it really hurt (usually using something against me that I had told him before), something that would drive me up the wall and I would react in the craziest way, and then of course, I would have to apologise as well because of my insane behaviour. This video gave me the chills. I listened to it 3 times and think will be listening again and again until I learn..

[@vitav2009]

My reality 😢

[@mattirealm]

OP, what you just described was my entire 14 year relationship+marriage to my now ex-wife. I was the one (male) constantly apologizing and having to deal with somebody that was on the maturity level of teenager. She never listened. She constantly blamed me for............being me. She would walk away from disagreements and NEVER try to work together to solve them. I cannot believe how utterly stupid I was all those years. With time and distance from my marriage (divorce was final 4/2021), I have seen a lot of bad stuff that was not apparent to me, in the last year. But you really struck me with sentence "I ended up apologizing EVERY SINGLE TIME!" YES, that is how these relationships can go. Once you begin to gain maturity on a partner that does this, they do everything in their power to keep you down, to diminish your agency (free will) and to break you. She did break me...................I let her break me is the worst part. Thankfully we never had kids. That would have been a disaster! I am still dealing with my own grief over 14 years of mostly shit! I have put her out of my life forever and moved on in many ways. These people damage a person though. They do it and they don't care about what they did. Great video here.

[@jessysmith4835]

😢 so I adios recorded my BFF while I was out n I hear sex sounds and asked him if he was watching porn when I went out for like 10 mins and he denied it I tell him I had left the window open and heard him and he continued to deny and change the subject. Is that something I should be concerned about.? Or am I just in my head (I also have bpd so I'm always afraid that I'm not good enough.)

[@jmfs3497]

Solutions start at 8:42 for the experienced folks who are ready to move past rumination. 1. Reduce your emotional reactivity to toxic people. 2. Grey Rock. aka give less of yourself to the relationship with a toxic person. 3. Stop desiring validation, understanding, and permission from toxic people. 4. Focus on ACTIONS that make your life healthier for you. 5. Destroy your idea that the toxic person is ever reachable.

[@teresarenee3829]

yes.

[@cleo4356]

I'm at point 5 finally after a year of absolute hell. Now I'm trying to focus on my own healing but still have hope he'll "wake up." Ughhh

[@shannon8315]

Taming is a good word for it because they never completely change.

[@elizabethdcosta6337]

I just got out of a narcissistic relationship. At first, I thought I was relieved but then I realized it was just the beginning of my hardest time. I am lost and I don’t know how to recover. Your video is helping me to figure out everything that I never knew about the evil narcissist that I loved the most.

[@user-zf9rn4rd9i]

This is so true. I'm a narcissist myself and hopefully recover from it. I notice that I'm using the strategy of a narcissist. Even if I know my wife is right, I'm using all kind of tactis Richard is telling. It is all about manipulation. It is very childish using her words against herself, even if she is telling the truth. Twisting, turning around, denying, lying, etc. I feel like an idiot when I'm doing this now. But I'm learning.

[@nd9551]

If you have the honesty to see that then you are NOT a real NPD. you use the tools and technics. But are not the essence.

[@WahWeeWooWah]

True Narcs will never be able to admit that they are the problem. I think all of us as humans have had narcissistic tendencies.. but it becomes a problem when they become abusive and never see that they are the problem. Married to a narc for 12 years

[@travelingpatti2834]

Weather you are or not at least you see there is a problem and are trying to change that. That is huge and I thank you for that.

[@danbeswick9737]

fair play for having the self awareness to realise you;re doing it mate, at least you can work on it and it shows you;re not full NPD as well

[@ioneliatoma3603]

Wow ......I cannot believe someone just accepting so easy😮

[@lilscenechick1995]

Nothing fills you with despair and anguish quite like trying to salvage a doomed, toxic relationship with a narcissist. I spent 3 years doing it. Enduring all the abuse I swore I never would in a romantic/intimate relationship after I was abused in my childhood. If only I realized that telling him about my trauma and past abuse was giving him the arsenal to use against me. Thank you for this video. I still learned something and it's great to see a fresh perspective on this type of abuse.

[@MG-ot2yr]

Yep its always a useless effort to try to salvage any kind of relationship with a narcissist, tigers don't change their stripes and the games are played to constantly shore up their insecurities and there's also an entertainment value in it for them, in fact, the entertainment value often is the higher priority than whatever they're trying to manipulate you into doing for them or with them. Also its never a good idea to share your weaknesses and vulnerabilities, such a past trauma, etc, with anyone, even people who aren't narcissistic who can unknowingly weaponize stuff like that against you.....people are vampires, almost everyone except extreme introverts that don't require any or very little external validation. So its best to develop a good strong, healthy internal monologue to help you through the rough patches, or a good therapist if need be.

[@sharonsanders4160]

Amen 🎯

[@davidharris4030]

Honestly I was married to one and now married to another one. I realize by saying that it’s unbelievable. I also realize it makes me look like the loser and I wouldn’t blame anyone for thinking exactly that. I think I have searched out for women in distress and that is what I ended up with. I am 60 years old and plan on ridding myself of #2 once I can draw social security. All I can say is it is a absolute nightmare because of the obvious. There is nothing you can do except get rid of them. I am no angel but have done things evenly and fairly plus lovingly. Simply no answer and to a sane person it’s mind warping.

[@Laeylasearchthelight]

I just want to say Thank You! All i do in my Future will be: Therapy, Heal and work on myself. I need to start work on myself, no Couple Therapy, no "let's stay Friends", no more Regrets, i need to get over all the: Why did that happen, how could this happen etc. it will stop me from moving forward. I need to protect myself first, find a safe Place, get my Work done and break up with the past, include any Contact to my Ex. And when i found that Place, a lot of Fear will be gone then so i can start this lifetime Therapy and find the first Trauma to begin with. I have to lie this Time, i have do plan it secretly, i need to do all the Things i dont like, but i have to live, and i have a Right to do so.