Are You Unintentionally Harming Others? (Here’s How You Know)

Today, we hear from a new mom struggling with contamination OCD concerning her baby, a woman wondering how to reconcile with her in-law after deeply offending her, and a woman whose ex wants nothing to do with their son.
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[@David-wo9un]

Everyone has the right to have boundaries without an explanation; people have the right to set the rules in their home.

[@ga6589]

@@charlesgibbins The caller said that she and her husband were hosting the birthday party at the in-laws home. People with small children and toddlers may be uneasy with having dogs around and there was nothing out of line about their request. Dog owners should be respectful of the needs of other people and remember that not everyone appreciates your pets. BTW, I'm a dog owner, too. I agree with John, that this was more than just an issue about a dog.

[@grateful7420]

@@charlesgibbins wrong. They had a week notice. Plenty of time. No she doesn’t have to explain why a DOG is not invited to a HUMAN child birthday party. John clearly said, “ I didn’t ask you why because it doesn’t matter.”

[@deborahd2936]

It’s not wrong to bring a dog; it’s wrong to insist on your dog over someone’s boundaries and be upset about a “no”. Can’t be mad about a no.

[@brendondowdy5651]

True but whats more wrong is for someone not blood relatated to be telling a person they can't bring their dog to their own parents house lol. They just glossed right over that part.

[@brandyk]

You say not blood related but even the wife is the caller,we don't know if her husband was in full agreement with asking that they not bring the dog or was it far more at his wife's urging and he just went along thinking happy wife,happy life. Yes it was at the parent's home but it was the callers childs party presumably organized and paid for by them with friends n family they wished to be there. Maybe she even has a closed friend who's child was bitten or afraid of dogs. I don't think it matters. It's their party. I don't even have kids and only 3 yrs ago in position to get a dog. But I would never be offended by this. I would think the onus would be on me to ask if I could bring and then express why it was so important to me and why I or at least my fiance wouldn't be able to attend if we couldn't but that I understood and hope they understood as well. The caller and her husband sound like they didn't know there decision would have such ramifications. How could they. I'm sure they were a little uncomfortable for you never know with people and not sure how they communicated their wishes. Over the phone would have been better but...The way I see it and this is the bottom line and why it's not really about the dog (who by the way is likely blaming himself and heartbroken by all this lol) the more people you add to a mix be it family or friends the more potential for having to encounter and be in relationship with people who don't share all of our values, opinions and priorities. This is true even with a spouse that we love and selected, siblings we grew up with and influenced a bit over time and even grown kids who we've influenced a great deal. So certainly with in laws who we didn't select and have almost no influence over. Healthy,honest communication is key even if it's at least and starts with the key players like the brothers and actually the brothers with their wives. Avoiding this will doom any relationship especially one with people 2 hrs away and when you add more kids n more business to the mix and certainly if the parents pass away. Parents don't want this and kids don't want this. They want cousins. They want to see Aunts n Uncles. They don't need to know what conflicts you have or mixed feelings you have about somebody if it's not a big deal certainly try to get over it and if it is discuss it. What's so hard? What I would tell the caller and John's wise saying at the end shows is if it wasn't this conflict over the party n the dog it would be something else. How could it not be they will never see every situation the same in their lives. This is partly why so many family broke apart during COVID. It's not that you disagree or even fight but how you do and how you resolve it. And improve for the next time their is a disagreement or competing priorities etc.Conflict is a part of life get used to it. And learn healthy ways to manage it.

[@brendondowdy5651]

@brandyk I agree with a lot of that. The caller didn't go into many details but I still stand by my statement. If the scenario was like this - the son always goes over to his parents house and brings his dog which they love. Now you have a clearly bossy daughter in law trying to tell the parents how to live and also trying to tell the parents son what he can and can't do. Personally I think traveling with your dog is stupid but I also find it insane for the wife who's not blood related to anyone trying to rule someone else's house. Why not host the party at your house if you want certain rules. Clearly everyone besides her thought she was being ridiculous.

[@libertyna933]

We don't know who was invited to this specific bday party. Children allergic to dogs, children afraid of dogs, etc.

[@jackieyoung3359]

I love my dog like crazy and my dog is spoiled as heck, but I absolutely HATE how people are treating their dogs like human children. It is beyond ridiculous to expect to bring a dog to a children’s birthday party, or any party for that matter. Not everybody loves dogs, just accept that and keep them out of their space.

[@emmarose6590]

Same. The last few years it’s become OK to bring your dog everywhere. I too love my dog and she’s super spoiled

[@katwilliams2950]

Right. Like my friend has a few dogs and they make me nervous because they have had a past of aggressive tendency towards people. So even if I come to their house they will crate them to make me comfortable. I'm greatful and I let them know it means a lot to me. Your dog should be able to be left at home for a few hours. Like that's your family.... Ugh 😣

[@mahamehanna9826]

Please also remember that some people are highly allergic to dogs. If not bringing your dog to a party makes you feel rejected, then that’s your problem. Stay at home and enjoy your dog’s company. The party won’t stop if you don’t go.

[@henxinggan]

The last story is the reason the #1 thing I tell teenagers when it comes to sex is that "you don't sleep with anyone you wouldn't want to be your baby's mama/daddy."

[@nataleedenlinger635]

What happened to me is I was dating a guy who I thought was the best person I’ve ever met. I got unexpectedly pregnant and he did a complete shift and became abusive and left. Sometimes there’s no way to tell

[@jennifermarie8707]

True! ​@@nataleedenlinger635

[@brandyk]

​@@nataleedenlinger635how long were you dating him and how did you accidentally get pregnant?

[@traceyna1]

@@brandykhow did he accidentally come inside when the last thing he wanted was a child. Pull out or wrap it or father it. Bye

[@squidward6187]

I grew up in a family that hates boundaries. I was not allowed to have boundaries. Everyone thinks thats awesome when they are young. It sucks.

[@sarahalderman3126]

Yep. I had to eventually learn to set my own boundaries, which began with cutting off contact almost entirely.

[@j.d.7569]

People need to realize that some people are not dog people and bringing your dog to other peoples houses is disrespectful if you don’t bother asking….dogs are not people 🙄

[@rebekahwilson7703]

The situation with the dog not allowed at the birthday party cracks me up! And this poor woman is sooo worried about it.😂

[@libertyna933]

Yep it's ridiculous !

[@rebekahwilson7703]

Exactly!🤦‍♀️🙄

[@laundrygoddess4]

She's not worried about the party. She's worried about the nutty sister. I don't blame her

[@deedsh6280]

Dr. Delony is spot on. Not about the dog, signals are NOT wanting a relationship (at least now). LISTEN to what he is saying. Your internal power will come from knowing and owning decisions that are healthy for you/your family. You can't force reconcilation. Go high.

[@cosmicsugarcookie9067]

That first mom's story and Johns words hit me like a ton of bricks.

[@heidimartin859]

That's so helpful to see that the anxiety does more damage to the child than the dangers that the anxious person is looking for.

[@Michelle-js5kh]

People are too obsessed with their dogs. It’s ridiculous. Dogs in grocery stores, dogs knocking me down on a dangerous hike, dogs putting their nose in my crotch and the owner saying “THEY’RE FRIENDLY,”. I love dogs and plan to own one when the timing is right but people act so entitled. Your dog is not a child and no one thinks they’re as cute as you do.

[@aynia3262]

Thank you for saying this.

[@Cyanopteryx]

A dog in my complex lunged at my toddler yesterday (we were several feet away and my son wasn't even approaching the dog). The owner just laughed and shrugged it off. The issue is people get a dog without realizing the commitment needed to properly train it. And when it acts out, they chalk it up to a personality quirk. Like no, a large dog is not quirky when untrained, it's dangerous.

[@Dwights_trash_can]

I say the same thing about kids.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

I love my dog but I respect other peoples boundaries and if someone asked me to leave the dog I’m not going to get all rejected about it! I totally agree with John it’s more than the dog there’s something bigger going on.

[@lav7161]

Your feelings are about to change after you own a dog. I had the same mindset and then I owned one and completely flipped my opinion lol

[@HappyDays6058]

If it wasn't about the dog, it would be about something else.

[@chiarafinardi6007]

It would have been about something else six months later

[@lav7161]

The cat

[@masaniazura2131]

The two ladies actually sound like they're very much alike. They have to be in control.

[@brandyk]

​@@masaniazura2131 not sure where you get that. I see them completely different.

[@Silirion]

That kid needs to know he’s loved beyond Any doubt Silvia. Surround him with awesome male rolemodels. We men, just as you women learn from our rolemodels, and that has less to do with blood then it has to do with unconditional love, and respect and a healthy community. I wish you all the best.

[@jandeshon8264]

Its so good to hear about healthy relationships and what they look like

[@dmt7674]

This woman’s struggles is exactly what I’ve dealt with. I don’t know what it is with ocd and eating disorders. There’s so many people who experience these two and I know depression isn’t solely responsible for why someone can’t be motivated to eat. I struggle with OCD mind and seeing food as an essential to live- but I also cling onto ideas/beliefs/ thoughts obsessively and ruminate to analyze.

[@lauramarquez1501]

I had the same experience as Sylvia. Baby daddy told me to get an abortion. I ignored him.. I did get him for child support ( and he said the same thing, it's about the money) until I got married and my wonderful husbandadopted her. He signed his rights away. Twenty-nine yeras have passed and In 2 weeks my husband will be walking her down the isle. I don't hold any regrets and I never took her away from her grandmother (his mom). She has a good relationship with her grandmother and an amicable relationship with her "SD" (sperm donor)

[@BryceCorbitt]

8:40 I actually got Lead Poisoning as a kid doing just that, and I turned out just fine! Going strong at 24, and I now work as a Software Engineer.

[@silvesan9162]

I agree with you about not telling the boy his soerm donor is sick. I told my son, parent chose to leave and we focused on us. My brother and uncle were his male influenes. I made sure he participated in counseling. My son is now a daddy and one of the best dads I have ever known...he is the center of his child's universe.

[@Lifeszebarbie]

The mama with anxiety… sounds exactly like me. I’ve been in therapy for years and I’m still struggling.

[@b.r.7079]

After I lost my husband, I felt so lonely and needing to hold on to something, I acquired an unwanted young dog, she literally was a therapy dog for me. I can understand why some people need their dogs. People have pets for different reasons, lets try to be more understanding. Often times we do not know what people are going through. A few years have passed and now my pet stays home , things are so much better.

[@brandyk]

I truly do not understand people giving autobiographies about their relationship with their dog and why they need them and urging other people to be more understanding. That's not the issue. If you were my sister and I invited you and you wanted to bring your dog id expect you to be mature end to ask and then I would try to accommodate you if I could but if I couldn't or didn't want to as it would still be highly inconvenient for us,I'd try to work through other alternatives so that you could come at least for awhike. If that didn't work,I would understand and hope you undeo. We don't have to never speak again and see each other family events over it. gosh

[@skimama13]

I am exactly like that first caller except that I am now 52, my kids are grown and the anxiety has intensified immensely. I also had anorexia when I was in high school/college. I am seeing a therapist (finally!) but she hasn't given me any advice yet, she just listens. The worries only become larger and more intense as the kids grow up because you really can't keep adult kids under your care and protection. I also was ignored as a kid and then married a person with a lot of anger (anger started after we were married) and had to tip toe around him nonstop. It's exhausting.

[@bellacee9358]

Imagining aliens listening to our nonsense 🤣

[@ijf8700]

Bandit Heeler is indeed father of the century, haha! Dad goals!

[@lav7161]

Andy is forcing the sh*t out of this. Let it be Andy. If they don't come then they don't come. Stop trying to be liked so much.

[@benascg-ll7sq]

Call 2 : setting boundaries and taking responsibility for it led me to leave my family of origin to join my " tribe of souls" where the shared blood is humanity

[@DestinyA83]

I've agreed with nearly every single one of your statements up until now. I can't count how many times I didn't show up to someplace because of some reason or another.... Yes I've even used my dog . She was the excuse for months until she got plenty old enough to be house trained. Don't forget people who have suffered from complex trauma can develop something called Avoidant Personality Disorder. I was diagnosed 3 months ago and I've been this way for 25 years. I'm 40 now.

[@brennanleyen]

#2 story…. OORRRR the brother has cheated on his fiancé and she is hiding out because of pain. That’s what happened to me. I couldn’t tell the truth at the time but instead of standing up for me, my husband egged the family on in their condemnation of me for being depressed and withdrawn. You don’t know the whole picture.

[@florenciagonzalez2288]

First call, I was the same. I used exposure therapy, I needed to increase my tolerance threshold for those intrusive thoughts. So I started ignoring say 1 thought a day, and did whatever my anxiety asked for the rest of the times. Then 2 per day, 3, etc. Until I was able to tolerate the huge discomfort of ignoring those thoughts. I still get them ocasionally when Im under a lot of stress, but because I know if I let 1 one in, they will keep piling, I ignore it and think of something else as fast as a I can.

[@theinternetaunty5325]

Can you add timestamps for the specific topics covered in the show?

[@ZA-qk2og]

There was a guy that was so buff at the gym who started bringing his puppy to the gym while he lifted. I was like WTF

[@vickimerritt2832]

Agree.

[@crystalsanyu3196]

Andy's situation made me feel so sad for her and her family. It just sucks to know that the people you consider "family" is choosing to disconnect you due to their own selfishness. I've been there. I would try so hard include my cousins in things, and they would always make lame excuses to not attend. This year, I told myself to not tolerate people like my cousins. So... I cut people who are unkind to me. It was a huge cut, but I feel better now not having to try to have relationship with someone who doesn't care for my existence.

[@kkr5428]

Omg….I did the exact SAME last year. And it wasn’t easy. I truly want our family to just be a different/“better” family than it is, I guess. But trying and failing at keeping us together over and over was leaving me resentful and bitter. Not worth it. I still have to talk myself out of sending messages, invites, updates…. I feel guilty. But I just remind myself my peace is worth something too, and l let it go.

[@crystalsanyu3196]

@@kkr5428 it’s definitely something that will continue to eat at you. I think after a few years, after you fully witness them not being phased by your absence. You start to close them off from ever gaining access to you. It’s their loss. You are a kind soul. You deserve to be surrounded with people who welcomes you, not tolerate you.

[@elly4297]

love that he has a Brand New album in the background

[@emmarose6590]

I feel like the dog one is alot deeper. There’s more to it that she’s not sharing.

[@tinam761]

It sounds like the new incoming sister-in-law is jealous of the current. Maybe she gets along well with the parents and is jealous… maybe jealous of them having a baby… maybe she is prettier etc. I’ve seen it happen and unfortunately there was just always a problem. My former sis-in-law always needed full attention on her and the disfunction she grew up in became our entire extended families issue to have to constantly deal with… she was forever getting her feelings hurt and doing things to make it known she was not happy. I had to grieve the close friendship I was looking forward to … basically the whole family did. She didn’t change. Hold up boundaries in a cordial way and maybe she will stop trying to control the whole family.

[@sarahalderman3126]

Yeah she probably isn't trying to control anyone but herself... in her mind anyway. The caller would benefit by cutting off contact for now, until she is in better control of her own emotions.

[@brandyk]

Yes lots of reasons unhealthy women( which is sadly alot of us it seems) will be jealous or envious for a lot of different reasons with physical attractiveness being just one. Since the caller is obviously the one most concerned about keeping the BIL and SIL in their lives by trying to work it out,if even if main reason for her husband and children and she is able to see further down the road then they, I find it unlikely that she did something rude or insensitive to the SIL that maybe offended her already and this was just another thing bc she seems caring and wanting to have had a good relationship with them otherwise she would be like "oh well, that's their problem." We don't know the SILs motivations and what she had hoped for and as John pointed out it may be quite different and so she has perhaps not created a bad relationship out of whole clothe but waiting for things to present themselves that she can turn into a worse situation for her own reasons. Perhaps she is insecure and wants to slowly distance her future husband from his family and friends without making it so obvious right away. They're not even married yet and she is pulling this crap. In the same way an abusive husband would try to allienate his wife from her family and friends little by little so he can gaslight and control her, women do this too.

[@whitleyhoover6480]

Hey people, stop bringing your dogs into grocery stores. It's unsanitary. I love my dogs but I don't want all these dogs around my food I'm going to feed my children. And just bc you put a vest on it, does not mean it's a service dog

[@dachater1]

Sjoe Dr John called it ! It's hard when you have to realise certain family don't want to be in relationship, even if you do. I feel for the caller - It's so awful how some people turn it on you and you look like the baddie....I can relate.

[@Isaidwhatisaid8701]

It’s giving people pleasing. Because if you choose to be your dog over my child. We have not business being around one another

[@Private.eye.007]

The second caller with the dog issue is not actually hearing John. She’s just venting on a script that she’s been running for a while now.

[@JusttRaquel]

Maybe they feel like the dog IS their child (emotionally). So if their child isnt wanted, then they dont want to go to her child's party. ?.... 🤷🏼. Either way the Host's wishes should be respected...

[@Private.eye.007]

In a relationship with an OCD person. It can be tough.

[@darwhitexo9084]

To the mom with OCD/anxiety : i highly recommend getting connected to Postpartum support international ! Free virtual groups !

[@vivianivey6663]

Have the lady who’s scared of everything call the lady with the dog issue. Babies and children are always in potential danger from dogs. They’re bite size. They’re spontaneous. They’re unpredictable. The nicest dog in the world can lose its cool when a child grabs its testicles, jams a stick in its eye, steals its food, fill in the blank. Be a thoughtful dog owner. I love “my” dog, your dog means nothing to me. It may be your baby, but it’s not a baby. If a dog and a baby fall out of a boat, “normal” people save the baby first.

[@brandyk]

Lol I love your last sentence and the key word there is normal. I love my dog btw and probably would rather leave her home so I could be fully present and not have to constantly be monitoring her. If it was too long a trip to leave her at home or I didn't have enough money to spare on boarding her or no one to come babysit my dog for a few hours at least to feed her and walk then I would gracefully bow out as John mentioned. If they then hit offended and especially if they didn't tell me and instead chose to tell everyone else then we would be having a conversation where they would have to own their behavior and commit to handling things better next time. I would maybe not be that harsh about it but that would be the bottom line. Sometimes dirty laundry must be aired but it should be a last resort n then only with the possibility of something good coming from it for someone even if not the original person.

[@meganlucas9941]

damn this was a good one. hit me in the gut but in the best way. thanks dr d.

[@brandyk]

These calls are so triggering and really hit home. Validating and makes me wish i had heard something like this 12 years ago or even 5.. With the Mom of the 3 yr old, the ex had no right to assume things he doesn't know for sure but this if course is a real thing that women do to trap a man. Yes of course they will all act like everything they do is for the kid(s) but if she didnt even ask for child support, which she should,then clearly this doesn't apply to her. Wow it really bits bard that be was able to manipulate her, whether intentionally or not to not even ask for child support so that she can prove to this low life that this isn't what it was all about in the first place. Its great she feels she is in a good financial place and doesn't actually need it but very few people, especially single women are that well off. Is she an attorney,doctor or actess? Times are tougher than ever in recent times, it's best to have a bigger safety net. You never know what comes next. Even if she lost ber job somehow its not like she has a spiuse she can lean on for a while. Its all her. If he didnt have it for some understandable reason and he was generally a good guy and was in the boys life in other positve ways and she wanted to let it slide for awhile of for the full 18-20 years that's one thing but she seems to be doing it to prove a point she does not need to prove then or especially now. Good luck to her and her boy. 😢

[@b.r.7079]

SYLVIA ITS TIME TO LET GO OF THIS NO ACCOUNT, PRAY FOR THE STRENGTH TO DETACH YOURSELF EMOTIONALLY. MOVE ON SYLVIA. THE FUTURE CAN BE BRIGHTER IF YOU CHOOSE IT.

[@carnivoreRon]

Why does the woman want to feel guilty about the future sister in law not coming to the birthday party and not wanting a relationship with her??? She is turning family against her by gossiping about her. She can't seem to understand what Dr. Delony is saying!

[@GwenMotoGirl]

@@charlesgibbins she’s not letting this go either, no matter how many ways Dr. John explains to her. When I understood that it’s her husband’s brother, and the party was at her in-laws’ home, I wondered why she’s even having this conversation. Her in-laws should have made the decision about the dog. Her husband needs to work this out with his brother.

[@sinisterchin1592]

Am I the only one that is trying to find the courage to contact the show? I have such a tough situation and really want to have help from John, but I’m terrified of it being broadcasted out to the world.

[@musicalatv]

I have considered contacting the show too

[@BedeliaMikk]

Nobody will know it's you.

[@tinam761]

Use different names and places etc. you can still get your point across. Decide you really want help for yourself and you can take the risk. You can do it … you’re worth it.

[@sXePunkV2]

Please call. They give you a fake name and a fake location. Nobody will know it's you

[@dougprentice1363]

You are definitely not the only one.

[@Dwights_trash_can]

Why do ppl think their kids are so special that they will some how change someone? Hate to say it but you're kid isn't any different than another kid

[@sarahalderman3126]

What? Why on earth would anyone even think of bringing a dog to a baby's birthday party? That is the single most ridiculous disagreement I have ever heard of. I mean honestly I would just drop it, she can choose to be with us or the dog, it really is that simple. 😂🤦🏼‍♀️😑

[@tessaoshea5697]

Who on earth assumes they can take a dog to someone else's house?

[@Indy__isnt_it]

Ooh, let us hear the ocean! Enjoy

[@nawakaida7499]

I listen to this podcast regularly and I think this is the first time that I completely disagree with the comments made regarding the wife who didn’t want the soon to be sister in law to bring their dog to the kid party. Those with kids have a hard time understanding that often times those without kids, their dog IS their kid. They typically take their dog anywhere you’d take your kid. The party was not at the wife’s home, it was at a home that had an open door policy for pets. I didn’t hear her say anything about the jone owner not wanting the dog to be there and I didn’t hear anyone say anything about the dog being aggressive or out of control nightmare so the real question is why did the wife have such a problem with family bringing their beloved dog to the family gathering? You said that she didn’t like the wife and it had nothing to do with the dog. I disagree. The wife rejected their member of the family so she wanted the wife to feel what she felt by rejecting their member of the family. Petty, yes but I understand it. I think the issue isn’t that she doesn’t want to share her fiancé, I think the wife didn’t want anything at the party that was equally cute or taking attention away from her child. Jealousy. I also couldn’t help but notice you referred to the dog as “that thing” and even compared it to showing up at a kid party with an assault rifle strapped to your back. You clearly have a deep personal dislike for dogs and used your personal feelings when offering really bad feedback and advice on that call. The issue was with the wife creating a problem where a problem didn’t exist and the whole family recognized that and that is why everyone is angry at her. She purposely isolated the fiancée and made her feel unwelcome. I wouldn’t have show Up for lunch either. Not until she apologized. Sorry. I really feel you’re in the wrong with that call. First time for everything.

[@brandyk]

I liked the way you outlined your argument and it does have some merit especially since we are just hearing one side and especially since John really didn't inquire as to the reason and he stated why which made absolute sense to me although I was still curious and would like to know just out of curiosity but I think John was wise in doing this bc it muddies the issue and you can see just by so many of these comments which focus on the love of dogs etc. It's not the issue and it won't be the issue next time when they see an issue differently as all people including spouses n good friends will at times. The biggest issue and really the only issue is that the BIL n SIL do not have the respect or emotional maturity n confidence to express their views and feelings in a healthy way. If there so correct that they have no problem telling others and likely putting them in an awkward position, they should have no problem doing this with the caller and her husband. They could have sent an email,the brother could have called on behalf of himself and it his fiance, he could have texted. There are myriad ways to express your feelings about something these days so it doesn't even have to be face to face for weaker people or those who lack confidence in their ability to have a disagreement and not go ballistic and storm out or say hurtful things etc. But this will be a problem with every relationship they have including their own soon to be marriage. It just will. We don't know there side not simply bc the caller didn't share it but bc they never saw fit to share it with the caller and her husband. People are not mind readers and conflict and competing priorities is a fact of life. People who cut everyone off because they can't deal end up with shallow and or temporary relationships or alone. The fact that John made a quick analogy that you don't like, I think is reading into it too much or that you don't think he likes dogs. I would take that out of my analysis. I hope he likes dogs as I love dogs but even if he hates dogs I think his advice and analysis is about as good as it gets and bc it's not about the dog. That's why he gave the example of bringing the gun that you don't care for. Be was just trying to come up with something to get the focus off the dog and more about respecting and honor the legit boundaries and requests of another even if that means you gracefully now out for your own specific reasons. They made the choice over this to not even express their feelings about it,or ask them to reconsider by explaining how much it means to them or perhaps only going for a shorter time period with the dog like at the end or the fiance staying home with the dog and just the brother going to his nieces party,the one who is most integral and likely enjoy it more anyway but they never even made a counteroffer or expressed their hurt. That is the relationship killer.

[@john1425]

We have got to stop saying that its OK to be a single mom. It is not ok.

[@brandyk]

Loved this idea of getting a brick from the home improvement store and really feel the weight of it. I have been carrying around alot and my body shows it as does my nervous system and i would love to get eid of it if jts not to late but i di think its more than just this exercise though does drive home the point ans i am at least headed in that direction.

[@JustActNormal]

Do not let this guy in this kids life. He sounds dangerous

[@sheilalopez7498]

After the menopause, don't worry! you won't care what ANYONE thinks!!!😂 Ha! Ha!

[@roosplans]

I think that lady with the dog, her issue is herself, not the caller. She doesnt have an issue with others. She has an issue in her brain. ALSO, the last caller, honestly, when you have s*x, just expect that you might get pregnant. 💁‍♀️and both of the people need to agree that even if with all the precautions what are they going to do if they end up getting pregnant. They need to think whether they're going to abort or keep the fetus.

[@GraceHarwood88]

10:07 Whoa boy. Yeah.

[@ggleam88]

If the party was being held in a place where they normally would bring the dog with no issue than the hosts should have told them originally and not waited until the last minute not to bring the dog. Also, don't be offended when other people aren't as interested in your kids like you are. Everything else that was said is legit. But I can see the other side of the story.

[@SarahHunt]

Agreed, I take my dog to my parents house every time because they’re out of town. If my sister hosted a party there and told me last minute I couldn’t bring my dog, then I couldn’t come. Because I don’t have money to kennel him last minute, home is too far for me to drive to midday, and it’s normal for me to bring him there. However, I would try to work something out like putting my dog in a bedroom out of the way. And I would reach out and have a conversation about it rather than acting like a child.

[@fralanasko2900]

Yes definitely agree. It is hard to find dog care last minute and can be extremely expensive... and sketchy. They should definitely apologise for that.

[@brandyk]

​@@SarahHunt thank you so much for being one of the few people bringing sanity and fair mindedness to the comments. Exactly I would do the same. The issue is the communication not the dog itself.

[@mumejpatel7390]

Wth is he saying ur texting to share data ur calling to share data tooo😂😂

[@kellibuzzard9431]

"In pregnancy they say don't touch.. eat.. do..." Why didn't he stop her right there? That's not what pregnancy is or what "they" say. Who is 'they,' by the way?

[@monsitime9370]

Make that little man be responsible for his son.

[@TerriBennett-nf4vb]

I loved all of my doggies the five or six Dobies I had with my husband . but going to someone's wedding , going to someone's wedding no I would not take the dogs

[@JML542]

Just a thought... What if the dog is a service or emotional support dog? Then it's often considered just like a wheelchair or a cane. (depending on the country / State). This may be less "crazy" than you're immediately jumping to, Dr. Delony.

[@Dem-sh9bs]

I thought the same thing…super vital information but not mentioning it would be weird too

[@makehoneynotpoison]

best ending to a video ever made on youtube 😂👏👏🙌🙌

[@kathigratton2286]

I can disagree with the statement that if the brother doesn’t wanna talk to his other brother than you know where the sign is that it is because she doesn’t like her future sister-in-law I can say this, because this really short, I’m being betrayed as a person, keeping my husband away from his friends and his children because of what my husband does He chooses not to see them. And says his kids ask him to come out just with him to hang out father, the son, and he refuses to go without me. I seen this on a text message and I push him to go, but he doesn’t so with him saying he’s not going without me I portray feeling my gut is telling me that everybody thinks. Oh well that he’s not coming around because she doesn’t allow him to go without her. Because no one’s ever asked me And I like everybody, but I can feel that they don’t like me because that is what they think because of how he portrays everything So it might not necessarily be that it might be him not her

[@brandyk]

Wow this sounds awful n you make a good point but I don't think I could be married to someone sneaky n dishonest like this who is also using me as an excuse and willing to vilify as well as someone who doesn't want to see his kids. I simply couldn't respect someone like this. But yes you are right they do probably think it's you but people know it's never just the spouse.if someone allows themselves to be controlled like this they have a big problem too..

[@DorothyM45]

The term “fur baby” is atrocious. And using this “oh they didn’t want us to bring our dog” as the excuse. Even if these people did apologize, they would be kept at arms length. No thanks

[@snoozyq9576]

Nothing wrong with fur baby. It's a cute phrase for a small furry thing. Why does it bother you is the real question

[@vickimerritt2832]

@@snoozyq9576 because humans do not mate with animals or birth animals. Animals are, therefore, not family in a genetic sense but rather an animal part of a family. They are not the off spring of humans. When someone says my furbaby, I visualize them trying to condone beastiality, ditto when they brag about sleeping with their dog.

[@Clic03]

Liked Andy's call. I have invited my Son's new in-laws to family events and they choose not to show. I feel they do not like me as they get along great with my Husband.

[@kathigratton2286]

I wouldn’t put my dog in a kennel either my dog is like my kids But I also have my dog trained where they don’t bother people Certified therapy dogs However, I would figure something out I would pay somebody to come watch my dog My dog has always gone everywhere with me, but if somebody asked me not to bring the dog I guess because there’s a kid afraid of dogs I’ve seen kids that had never had anything happened to them but they’re just terrified of dogs not a torment poor child he grew it, so whenever I go visit, my cousin, I would never bring the dogs because the kid was a Free she’s like I don’t understand why he is. He’s never had an issue as a twin the other kid logged him he was terrified. So I was gonna I would leave my dog at my cousin house, or in a crate at my mother’s house you make it work

[@brendondowdy5651]

They just skipped right over the issue which was. This lady is trying to boss everyone around in her new family. Clearly the parents welcome having the dog there but she needed all the attention to herself

[@brandyk]

That's a huge leap. It sounds like you may have had someone in your life like this and it triggers you into thinking she is. That said,we don't know but since nobody is perfect and I'm sure she has her flaws or certainly things that she could work on or not necessarily wrong but her own personality as we all do does not mean she is the cause of the problem and certainly not she alone. It would have been better had her husband called but maybe he is less comfortable,less articulate or less motivated. She's not even sure he has the guts to ask his brother for a meeting even though clearly he is bothered by the other couples response or lack of. Some people feel it's off putting if the woman or the outsider of the family is taking charge even for a good reason that they will all benefit from. It's likely the husband's family never learned healthy ways to deal with conflict and she is a bit better at it or willing to try. Her husband might be better than his brother and his parents but not quite at her level. They are likely still young.maybe late 20's so it can change but they have to be willing

[@blueberrylinequilting4527]

The birthday was at the grandparents home in which Andy said they have an open door policy for animals. I feel Andy should not have been the one to ask the dog to not be there; it should be the grandparents per the request of Andy who told them. But really now, dogs are family too. Now if it is known the dog is not well behaved it's a different story, then Andy is totally right not wanting the dog around.

[@MN-br5nb]

You’re never really in control. Everything comes from God’s will. Important to teach your kids how to deal with hardship - divorce heartbreak financial loss health. Teach them to turn to God. This is for those who believe in a higher power everyone else can stop being triggered 😂 I know I can’t protect my kids when they’re in their middle age and hopefully I’ve taught them how to live and love and be resilient. Patience is the key to it a lot and total submission that there is a greater power at work. Peace out.

[@kirraha]

I would never do this to anybody. I own a dog myself, and I would not for a second tell anyone that my dog should be in an enviroment where it would make someone uncomfortable. Esp, where there is kids. I have never even asked to bring my dog to my sisters home and meet their kids. I get someone to have my dog, shes way happier there than being where there is kids screaming and parents worried my dog might do something. When they visit me, ny dog is not home, shes again at her dogwatch. No problems at all. I dont know why ppl have such unhealthy view on esp dogs. I love ny dog, she is a great dog but she is not more important than my sisters kids and their parents wellbeing when we meet.

[@fralanasko2900]

Totally.... but they didn't give this couple enough time to arrange dog care, so that is on them too. I'll always accommodate people if I can.... but I don't appreciate them being mean or disrespectful about it.

[@k.l.massie8702]

I love my dog but I don't take it with me, it's happier chilling at home.

[@sheilalopez7498]

Don't mix with crazy people!!!😂

[@Heidishereandthere]

Now he's breaking up families; instead if trying to resolve issues?? 😮 ANDY, CALL THEM, FIND OUT IF THEY WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU.!! AND IF JOHN WAS WRONG, CALL HIM BACK, AND TELL HIM WHAT FOR!! 😂👍

[@Baileygraphics1]

Have a question Dr. John it’s about the dog mom lady here and the sister-in-law that doesn’t want the dog at the birthday party. Nobody asked this question or brought this one up. I have a service dog I always ask when I go to my siblings houses if it’s all right if I bring her with me because it’s part of her training and I need her there for myself for my disabilities and health challenges, but I didn’t hear anybody ask or comment that this wasn’t or is this a service dog and it could be about the dog and the fact that they didn’t want her service dog there in which case I can totally understand why they didn’t go. I don’t know that area but if it was an overnight kind of thing for them going from Philly to the other part of Philadelphia, if it’s not an overnight thing, I could see that is being OK and I’d leave my dog home but if it was an overnight thing, I would still take my dog with me if they liked it or not or I would stay home and not go.

[@brandyk]

Glad you have a service dog but I think she would have said that bad that been tbe case. And again the onus was on the other couple to gracefully bow out if they had their reasons that they didn't want to board or leave the dog home.. it really is that simple. They could have also called to explain and ask them to reconsider. All things I'm sure you would do so this is why you probably still have friends and family.

[@bestbudsourchannel4807]

What is up the brick carrying exercise lately? I have heard Dr. Delony say that on a number of calls?

[@janelleg597]

ANDY. STOP. MOVE ON. good frickn grief

[@sheilalopez7498]

Don't play their game!!!!!!

[@vegangoddess9019]

I’m on the dog’s side!!!!

[@henryanona1640]

Next time, mention connecting across the time-space continuum.

[@hansendesigns]

Sylvia, you should only expose your son to men who are GOOD ROLE MODELS.

[@carnivoreRon]

I was frustrated by the entire dog issue. It seems like she wants to kiss butt and bend over backwards to not be someone with boundaries. Grrrr. She wants to ignore the disrespect being given to her and her husband.

[@fralanasko2900]

They should have set those boundaries daries originally, not last minute.... and been kind about how they approached it. I think that's a big part of this.

[@redbeardthepink4809]

I, um...I hate to be this guy, but passing data back and forth is, like, the basic definition of the word "communication," isn't it? Texting is communicating. It may not be the best medium to use for this, but like...the amateur linguist in me twitched a little at that sentence 😅

[@analozada9475]

First call: you should have not suggested ssris or any psych med since psych meds have a plethora of side effects and can be dangerous. Also, they don’t always work, or stop working for a while, they cause dependency and can be extremely difficult to taper off due to severe withdrawal symptoms. There are way better alternatives that are natural, non habit forming, and don’t have to be taken for prolonged periods of time, nor they have to be tapered off slowly. As an iatrogenic injury survivor (caused by antidepressants and one benzo) I can attest that psych meds cannot be taken lightly. Super bad call on your behalf, Dr. Delony. Second call: people who think that pets cannot be loved and considered as family members, are completely self centered, lack of empathy, or they’ve never experienced a positive interaction with animals. Yet, I understand that she had the right to place a boundary for her daughter’s bday party and folks should respect that. Her SIL acted like 3 year toddler and that says a lot. Furthermore, to play devils advocate, if someone tells me last minute that my dog is not welcome, and I don’t have the resources/means to pay a babysitter for my dog and I live faraway, I wouldn’t have gone either. I would have explained why and wouldn’t have been rude about it, but I would have explained that I didn’t have the means to pay for a babysitter for my dog, so I had no choice but to stay with my dog. Yet, I would have totally understood and respected her boundaries and be ok for next time. The lady trying to repair the situation needs to understand what’s happening and let it be. Let them get close to them, and if they don’t want to, then too bad. That should be her husband’s responsibility to talk to his brother and clarify what’s happening, not hers. Third call: both are at fault. He’s a pos loser, and she has self esteem issues. They both should have used protection, period! I truly don’t understand how women have the children of POS losers. Why would you want to bring into this world the child of a garbage person to suffer? Why perpetuate this loser’s shitty DNA lineage? The dude was clear about not wanting to be a father, so if she decided to have the baby, then she should be 💯 responsible for the baby and not expect anything from him. I’d never understand this type of behavior. I remember when I was raped and abused by an ex boyfriend who was a POS, I’ve told him and told myself that if he ever got me pregnant, I’d have an abortion STAT cuz I wasn’t bringing his disgusting DNA into this world! I told him “over my dead body!” And he proceeded to punch me, yet I didn’t care. I rather be dead than perpetuating a POS loser’s DNA into this world. It’s obvious that Sylvia was deeply into this pos dude, and still is cuz she’s hanging on to a delusional sense of hope, hence why she kept the baby. She probably thought that having his baby was gonna change the dude’s mind or behavior and they were going to live happily ever after.

[@caseyporter499]

The last call happens a lot. She is to blame half way. One night stands. A lot of these thugs have sex and don’t pull out and just tell them to take the pill. Sometimes every single time lol

[@garrotjax1232]

She chose to be a single parent when she decided to have the kid, the said he wanted nothing to do with it, but she chose to carry on. I don’t believe that he should have to pay for a child that he specifically said he didn’t want, and actively pushed for an abortion, this is on her . That said, I don’t know how someone wouldn’t want to could just shrug off a kid like that, it’s not something I could do

[@meeshmoore6045]

Well i used to really like Deloney but im dissapointed by the fact that he cant comprehend and even laughed at the idea that some people have the same love for their dogs as they do children and some people treat and regard their dogs as family. Dogs are loving loyal pack animal creatures and deserve the same respect and inclusion as any other family member. This is a good thing!! John Deloney may see dogs as mere animals who dont matter to him as much as family but that is his own sad opinion not everyones....thank god...

[@sanniepstein4835]

To see animals as equivalent to people's children is morally wrong, and demanding that anyone else go along with such a view is presumptuous. I speak as someone who grew up with animals, and for whom they have been among the most important characters of my life.

[@vickimerritt2832]

So you acknowledge they are animals but in the same breath demand they be treated as people?

[@brandyk]

It's sad that you're view of some who you liked could be changed due to being disappointed by his advice and remarks on the second regarding the dog situation.. it seems like a pretty low bar for people to disappoint you to the point that you no longer like them I hope despite this you have a few people in your life willing to give you a little more latitude and may I suggest you keep listening to his show as if you keep an open mind you will learn something as we all can and do.. you might even think about calling and sharing your own story about what led you to be so intolerant and quick to even turn on people you previously liked over a simple disappointment that doesn't even involve you personally.

[@TerriBennett-nf4vb]

grow up people grow up

[@karencevallos1639]

Making a big deal for a dog Not allowing the dog to go with them is ridiculous

[@fralanasko2900]

We are missing loads of context about the Dog situation.

[@brendondowdy5651]

Correct. It's clear that everyone blood related is cool with the dog and the caller didn't want the dog there despite it being at the other people's houses. I have a relative like her. She's clearly the problem.

[@brandyk]

​@@brendondowdy5651she's not clearly the problem. You may think she is and she may be a part of it but it's certainly not clear n yes John could be missing something here but I'm sure he is more astute than you. You seem to be basing your opinion far too much perhaps exclusively on a personal experience you had with someone who reminds you of this person. It's almost like you're having a flashback of sorts and lashing out.

[@amyalvar]

OMG that lady with the dog doesn't get it and is so hard-headed.

[@JuniorMcDirt]

I beat my dad with a fat bat am I intentionally hurting others or should my father of looked out for the bat ? Very curious to this answer Dr Jonny . Have a wonderful weekend

[@DorothyM45]

Hypochondriac

[@joelsuarez6321]

Pay up dude to bad homie

[@CC12398]

Some people think severe OCD can come from a childhood strep infection I think the condition is called PAWS

[@ga6589]

I believe the condition is called PANDAS.

[@CC12398]

@@ga6589 yes that's it,, thank you!!

[@staceystrukel1917]

It can come from heavy metal toxicity too

[@Heidishereandthere]

SYLVIA... WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT SIGN THE FATHER'S RIGHTS AWAY. THERE WILL COME A DAY WHEN HE FINALLY GROWS UP, AND WANTS TO BE IN HIS LIFE. DO NOT TELL YOUR SON HIS FATHER IS SICK, AND THATS WHY HE LEFT! 😮 WHEN YOUR SON STARTS ASKING ABOUT HIM, SIMPLY TELL HIM YOU DONT KNOW WHERE HE IS, BUT YOU CAN PRAY FOR HIM. THATS IT!! AND DO NOT GO AFTER HIM FOR CHILD SUPPORT! IT WILL ONLY BRING FRICTION AND STRIFE!! THE BEST YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR SON IS TO LOVE HIM, PROVIDE FOR HIM, AND GIVE HIM A GOOD LIFE. ❤

[@julieanncheshire9960]

OMG Andy, not everybody wants to hang out with their breeder sister-in-law and be besties. These are childless urban people--they're just not that into you! The lady planning a one-year-old's birthday party months in advance needs to get a grip and get a life--her world is way too small.

[@Kevin.Grindel]

I could see that if they where not going behind her back and telling others they are offended and deciding not to attend other family events.

[@snoozyq9576]

Breeder? Lol ok 😏

[@msjoby89]

You sound like a lovely person.

[@ccmcduck9669]

You sound like an incredibly jealous person. It sounds like your life is empty and you need to put others down with degrading terms like “breeder” to help you feel better about your own life decisions.

[@whitleyhoover6480]

Extremely selfish take you have

[@prickhead]

It sounds like when she was trying to explain that she doesn't want people to actually think she thinks these things, it's very common for new moms to think that one slight crazy red flag will put us on the map for our kids getting taken away. During pregnancy and after, we get bombarded with post partun questions and side eyes that this is especially true for us moms with anxiety.