Are Your Loved Ones Breaking Your Heart?

Are Your Loved Ones Breaking Your Heart?
On this episode, we talk with:
- A woman who feels she missed out on her youth having married her high school sweetheart
- A man wondering how to best care for himself and his fiancée who suffers from bipolar disorder
- A mother unsure of what boundaries she should set with her son who’s struggled with addiction and mental illness for 9 years
Send John your questions. Leave a voicemail at 844-693-3291 or email www.johndelony.... We want to talk to YOU!
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The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel paralyzed, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well-and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
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[@caseyrevoir]

Thank you for the story about Stanislav Yevgrafovich Petrov.

[@FaithAndRepentance]

❤

[@ruthhorowitz7625]

Therapy can be a double edged sword. If you are not properly diagnosed, and/or have the wrong therapist, it can do more harm than good.

[@alwaysyouramanda]

In my experience “professionals” want to injure you further so that you continue to come in and pay their rent.

[@alwaysyouramanda]

Dentists.. doctors.. you name it. If it’s a stranger, you’re a product

[@dannelle17]

^^^comment above isn’t fair I’ve had 3 diff therapists. 1 saved my life the other 2 tried their best. Anecdotally telling ppl to not go to therapy is unkind advice.

[@Veruska75]

@@dannelle17I agree with you. I don’t think therapists, doctors or dentists (!! Dentists? How would they even do it; just not treat some cavities?)… All of these people studied for a considerable a amount of time. Finding the right therapist is probably the thing.

[@AdzaanMaiiTso]

​​​@@dannelle17they said in their experience for a reason. it's fortunate that you've had good therapists who've helped you and i will say that your first statement is very true but you shouldn't dismiss someone else's bad experiences. especially with mental health and especially when it comes to women as we (you, me and the OP you're replying to are all women) are all very suseptible to prejudice and aren't taken seriously because of our gender. in my personal experience, i've experienced some very good and very bad.

[@angelac5954]

I have the same issue as the first caller. Was raised insanely religious and received horrible messaging about myself as a Christian woman. Alcohol was the only thing that allowed my nervous system to calm down enough to let my husband be close to me. EMDR and talk therapy has helped… also a really great marriage counselor. It does get better and we CAN learn to trust and be close. Religious trauma is so real 😢

[@BlackjackArmyCaptain]

That was the same way

[@BlackjackArmyCaptain]

Sorry, I'm overseas right now.I was trying to say I was the Same way

[@brandyk]

Yes that's an excellent point. John covers so much in these phone calls but even he can't uncover every stone. She did mention this at some point but not enough time to pursue that "lead" had she not had parents who died so young and when she was young n been with the now husband since she was a kid and likely bonded with him during these tragic situations she may have married someone else n still had this sexual issue which she says she comes with by using alcohol.i think sex for all people especially women who are given so many mixed messages is so difficult to navigate and with extremely religious environment it's likely more so. While she has been with him so long now you would not think that's the issue n John even said something like that. You just never know. The mind is a curious thing and the fact that she brought it up it was like her intuition was speaking to her so I think she should explore this aspect more. I can't help but wonder if she feels in some way that she is betraying her parents in some way. This would be particularly acute if ones parents are deceased and they died at an age where you were still a minor and expected to obey them as opposed to them both dying in a car crash when she was 28. Very complicated call for sure n certainly wish her peace n healing

[@elizabetha8565]

It's so weird hearing someone saying 31 is old or life has passed them by, I wonder how these people will feel at 60 or 70...

[@lindsaydeviveiros5533]

People get to their thirties feeling like life has passed them by because we’re constantly bombarded by people telling us about all the things your supposed to have experienced and accomplished in your twenties, so when that doesn’t happen, you feel like a failure and like you’ve wasted your life away.

[@l-train7876]

When they haven’t ever been older than 31, they don’t have the perspective of what 60 or 70 is. Also, young people (now, unlike 20+ years ago) can see all of their peers’ “highlight reels” on social media, and it makes a 31 year old feel like a failure for not being married, having kids, buying a house, having an awesome job, etc. Social media is crushing the souls of young people.

[@lindsaydeviveiros5533]

@@l-train7876 exactly

[@josephinenelan4204]

Youth is absolutely glorified in western culture. Of course people feel insecure in older age. It’s not wisdom or generational success that’s promoted, it’s being successful while young, wild and glamorous living, and being beautiful.

[@elizabetha8565]

@@l-train7876 I am close in age to her and certainly don't truly know a prospective from 70s ect... but i know I have time and to cherish it. It's kind of odd that you can't expect someone to look ahead or outside themselves.

[@ruthhorowitz7625]

I have no contact with my family. My mother does not understand boundaries at all, if I try to have a relationship with anyone in my family she will push in. The only way I can maintain my distance from her is to have no contact with anyone. My life is better this way.

[@stephfilippidis]

Sounds like a narcissist.

[@BlackjackArmyCaptain]

My family has ruined and gained between every relationship. I've ever had a smile in my face and they tell my partner. The person I love. I'm no good and I should not be with them. And they should leave me hell. I never had one restraining order from anyone in my life until they got involved. And I was not evenit's f****** inside.

[@BlackjackArmyCaptain]

insane *

[@sherikwasnik5290]

My Mom has had a cognitive impairment caused by traumatic brain injury since she was a child. She has never been able to be a stable parent, causing me to take that role for my younger sister. We are adults now, and Mom is in a nursing home and still has no understanding of being a parent. We can be selfish now, and have the childhood that we never got. Thank you for your insight, and also permission to be happy and guilt free.❤❤❤

[@rosalbadelriogarcia9598]

Traumatic brain injury means someone should have protected her from any relationships where children might be born cause that in itself is abuse😢. Love her where she is and be thankful for yourself and your sibling. God bless!

[@angeleyes3386]

My mom is bipolar and when she is up she’s a social butterfly, helps everyone she meets. When she’s down it can get really dark and unhealthy for our entire family. She was never violent but suffered…we all suffered. Things are a lot better now. Dr John is correct. Love and firm boundaries helped…kept us sane and brought her around to getting help.

[@crystalbelle36]

Kathryn my heart hurts for you. My situation with a 34 year old son is similar. He is incarcerated and no longer on the streets and using. Many prayers for both of you.

[@BethCollard]

Dr. John is very insightful, often seeing the core problem behind the question that is asked. He is honest and straightforward, willing to help by sharing his own experiences and mental health problems. Fewer couples would be divorced if they had known his practical advice for committed marriage and how to tackle struggles through effective communication. He has helped me to understand myself better and how my past has shaped my personality. I appreciate this program.

[@mimimonster]

Having been raised in a household with a non-medicated bipolar father who was verbally and mentally abusive, it will never stop and no one can fix them. EVER, especially when they refuse medication bc they “don’t like how it makes them feel.” Their diagnosis then ends up being an excuse for abusing their loved ones. A lot of bipolar individuales self-sabotage EVERYTHING (relationships, jobs, opportunities) and make everyone around them miserable. I really feel for the second caller. I hope unless she commits to staying medicated for her entire life, that he never ever brings children into that family.

[@janethartmannjones4781]

Can't tell you how grateful I am for the call about anger about childhood trauma. Raising our 7 year old grandson and have in play therapy for he to deal with our anger. So validates what I am trying to do for him to heal.

[@elijahthemessengermalachi3105]

Anyone saying ssm is a sin when God prefers it will remain blacked out until they repent or wait too late and die w the wicked instead. Great Trib began Sept. 1 and anyone teaching other than this below is in it: 🌈 Mathew 19:12 says God PREFERS same sex relationships for the sale of the kingdom of heaven. Mathew 19:12 🏳️‍🌈 Eunuchs that are born that way are transgender. 🏳️‍🌈 Eunuchs made that way by others were abused. 🏳️‍🌈 Those that choose to live like Eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven are bisexual people that choose partners of the same sex but opposite in gender. I am Elijah of Malachi 4:5-6. Acts 3:22-23 says it will come to pass that anyone that fails to listen to me will be utterly destroyed from among the people. Anyone collecting money for ministering in any way is now blacked out from the Holy Spirit and will be until they either repent or wait too late and die. Same goes for anyone teaching same sex marriage is a sin when it is not. Male or female is determined by gender, located in the brain. I am the forerunner to the return of Jesus, who was transgender and will return as a woman. Most of the famous prophets from the Bible were transgender as well, including David and Joseph. STAY OUT OF THE FAKE CHURCHES IF YOU WANT TO LIVE. You choose to go there then you are supporting their evil and will also be held accountable... Wake up everyone! I am the forerunner to THE LITERAL RETURN OF JESUS! And a fetus is NOT alive. The soul does not enter the body until birth. Being alive requires breathing -"the breath of life." God is pro choice. Malachi 2 PROVES Malachi 3:8-11 is prophetic instruction for the thieving fake ministers to return the money and God will end Covid. But all the fakes love money more than listening to God. Murderers! . ...Jesus is NOT God. I am the messenger of Malachi 3:1 and anyone that rejects or deletes the messeages from Elijah rejects Jesus herself and will die w the wicked. Jesus was transgender and will return as a woman. . . . . .bible....v

[@catH727]

Watched my mom go through that with my brother. Shooting a gun in her house. I told her this is how sick people kill their parent. He finally passed of heart disease triggered by drugs at 50. She shortly after, developed dementia. It was very sad.

[@sinisterchin1592]

Anyone else get more out of these calls than BetterHelp ever has?

[@mmkvoe6342]

Yes, because I've been studying psychology and depression and how to deal with people who have issues since I was 10, and most people around me didn't have experience with what I lived with even though I thought they should and surely did, because I could identify patterns that were in my family in other people and families all over the place. Betterhelp didn't *quite* give me any help because they spend the time asking you to tell your story or talking about abstract concepts; this podcast/show is listening to stories being walked through without it having to be our own story, but it's all concrete instead of abstract. I feel like Dr. John is me temperamentally and in experience, only he has a bit more training I don't have, so he's actually been informational for me and helped me get the next couple small steps down the road.

[@sackettfamily4685]

I did betterhelp For a while and got a little bit out of it. Then I switched to a different online therapy that my insurance paid for. I got some good, but I expected it to be more. And each therapist has been wildly different from each other.

[@blueseptember2174]

Better help costs money. John DeLony is free. Winner 🏆

[@starlingswallow]

I'm having a really hard day...and a really hard past couple of months. Part of its family stuff and then a very sticky double bind situation with a family member and my employer. Caller, your courage to call and spill your guts, despite your nerves or fear is helping me so much. YOU are giving ME strength by displaying such courage ❤ I'm sending you a big hug. Maybe I'll call John for advice. Share my story, too. I might take the whole hour 😢

[@starlingswallow]

Leigh, please take the time to figure out who you are, what you want and specifically figure out what exactly makes you happy. It's OK for you to say no to others because you need something different. I'm not sure if you feel this way but I've spent my life saying yes when inside I'm SCREAMING "NO!" Thinking "I don't want to DO this." but doing it anyway because I was so afraid to hurt other people. It is self invalidation and self erasure. You are you because you listen to you, you help when you want to help, you say yes when you're ok saying yes and say no when you need or want to say no. Until you do this it will feel like you are a bystander to your OWN life, and that you're trapped, strapped in with a lock, no exit, no brakes that you're in control over on the rollercoaster of life. It's TERRIFYING. ❤

[@clouwho7675]

​@@starlingswallowexactly 100% well stated. I feel exactly that way. Working on it.

[@Sadielady21]

My brother had bi-polar, schizophrenia, and addictions to drugs and alcohol. It was super hard to deal with and help. He died in January 2021, they said from natural causes but he was partying hard with so-called "friends" the night before. I pray he's at peace.🙏

[@AlexBobalexRavenclaw]

How heartbreaking. My condolences.

[@l-train7876]

Did he have a job? Where was he staying? Was he able to pay his own bills? I’m in a similar situation and don’t know how to navigate this.

[@Sadielady21]

He was on disability from the service and yes he had his own house. He tried working a few jobs but was not able to keep them. He was discharged from the service in 1982-83 I believe.

[@Sadielady21]

Thank you. He had to have a conservator most of his life. I tried to handle his money but it was too hard. He wanted money everyday. He would get mad when I wouldn't give him any. It was sad and difficult, my parents did what they could.

[@l-train7876]

@@Sadielady21 my brother is 43 and also can’t keep a job, he’s having major episodes but refuses to acknowledge he has a problem or get help. He was evicted in January, been staying w/my 72 yr old mom since then, and she cannot handle him whatsoever. He briefly held a job for about 3 mos this year before getting fired, and now he’s out of money and my mom just lent him $400 to get his phone turned back on after getting disconnected for non-payment. He obviously has no money and she cannot afford to pay his bills. We don’t know what to do now. She can’t pay his phone bill next month, but he won’t get a job. He says the most horrible things to her and then threatens to go live in his car - at this point if he acts up again she’s gonna have to tel him to go stay at the local men’s shelter. I’m worried about her safety and her mental health during all of this.

[@bunny09caviness]

Listening to this show hits me in the feels.

[@kathigratton2286]

He basically saved the world, and no one even acknowledged his death But yet a celebrity on TV everybody knows every movie. This is a sad, sad world.

[@Hope4Life26]

This breaks my heart while simultaneously makes me sick to my stomach.

[@clareezine]

This episode hit hard for me as I can relate to the callers, at the end of the day, we can only be responsible for ourselves no matter how hard we want to rescue our children. 😢

[@maritzarodriguez5813]

In my opinion she loves her husband but she's not in love with him and knows her husband is "safe". Like she wants to fool around with other men but scared of loosing something secure for something unknown and not secure.

[@blueseptember2174]

Man, it's so unfair. My man pretended to be good and as years went by his hidden addictions came out and became abusive(he hid his temper problems). I stood my ground but was always loving. Tried to get him to help himself. These other women need to appreciate their good men. They are rare!

[@calebmelton5989]

Well let's just all go to you for advice

[@Hope4Life26]

Her feelings are strong, real but are not to be trusted. Don’t divorce someone over these feelings but rather learn to deal with these issues and see how your marriage can get better. I hope she doesn’t leave him and really recognizes that she has a lot more power than she thinks. We all have a lot more power than we realize but when we forget it…we open ourselves us to misery. I HOPE she doesn’t blow up this marriage yo. Too many good men are getting screwed over but her pain just as equally needs to be dealt with…and NOT by ending the marriage.

[@NoMoChacha]

Life changing every single podcast I've experienced so far has given me a 'wow' moment. From depression and helplessness I feel armored via Dr John Delony by my God. I cannot thank you enough. The Redefining Anxiety book helped me off my low rollercoaster enough so that I've purchased three for others.

[@carolr7962]

I feel for this young woman. So many layers doesn't quite cover it. God Bless you!

[@CathyMorgan-ir7rb]

Hey , I first heard Dr. John Delony watching Dr. Jordan Peterson . He was so engaging and open ,honest about his growth in marriage and life..He is warm , funny ,very kind, I felt he is a man with loads of integrity .. he is honest with his views and confident.. I love this guy .. I feel he wants to help anyone he can ... He is so good at telling everyone that... THEY ARE VALUABLE AND WORTH SO MUCH... He is Compassionate and listens well .. A GOOD MAN ...WISH HIM MUCH SUCCESS...😊

[@BelieveAndLive668]

As a parent you can distance yourself from your child with addiction or mental illness. It's especially needed if they unfortunately seem like a danger to have around. You still don't stop loving them so it's definitely accepting what is, and drawing boundaries

[@purelightapologetics4930]

Dr. Delony, you’re awesome! Also, it’s “I couldn’t care less”. If you COULD care less, then you care more than you could.

[@tetasnuttyworld6203]

Just something we heard and repeated all our lives. Probably, I would think, mostly in the South.

[@annamineer2521]

And it's "all of a sudden," not "all THE sudden." This ignorance of common phrases drives me crazy. How they say them doesn't even make sense.

[@doesnotFempute]

It's "could care less" for those who understand sarcasm and nuance, and have a sense of humor. Might be a bit too complex for you.

[@purelightapologetics4930]

@@doesnotFempute He wasn’t speaking sarcastically. He was saying it sincerely. I think you’re just offended because you don’t know how to use English phrases properly.

[@emmanelson2406]

Our daughter says she loves us but gets mad over nothing. She won't let us talk to our grandkids for months at a time and her husband is hateful and cold all the time. The grand kids love being with us but they are scared of their parents and guarded when talking to us I have done this for 15 years trying to love them and help them but I think I am finished.

[@opinionbytriz]

My sister is like that. Gets mad over anything. But I think she is carrying a lot of hurt & pain that she hasn't dealt with. It may have been caused by us or what she interpreted as us not loving her. Idk. I feel like I'm done too ... I'm so tired of not having peace. I'll swallow my pride for my nephew & my kids - so they can have a relationship. But some relationships are just so exhausting & draining

[@therealsandraweise]

"Gets mad over nothing" is never nothing. It may be nothing to YOU but it's clearly something to her. You just may not want to hear what it is or invalidate it.

[@brandyk]

​@@therealsandraweise I kinda thought this too almost as if it was my sister writing this lol as I'm sure this is how she has explained our estrangement to herself or others over time to avoid accountability for the real reason. But that said there are definitely people who are extremely emotional and volatile or easily upset etc certainly compared to the average person. Could be for good reason and sometimes not. So everyone's situation is different as I can see how this could be upsetting n exhausting for those family members too. What do think is a bit interesting n perhaps telling is that she mentions why the sister may feel this way but sounds unsure. Is there some reason they never asked or did the sister refuse to tell them. That doesn't sound like much concern or caring. Also when the sister is upset what does that look like? Does she simply confront them n explain why she is upset? Does she cry? Refuse to talk or storm out? Or does she become violent or try to burn the house down? Big difference.

[@brandyk]

Boy these were some really interesting n difficult calls. Appreciate John's handling of the calls and these people courageously reaching out for help as we can all learn something with them .

[@bedrokwerkshoppe]

Love how you showcase your music taste on your shelf.

[@ginaale8021]

Rather than setting a boundary like “I can’t come over at 2 am because I have work tomorrow” I’d redirect her to a healthy coping mechanism as well and say “hey babe, if I didn’t have work in there morning I’d love to come over. I can come over after work instead if you’d like. In the mean time is there a tool, your therapist suggested, that you can use until I’m able to come over? Either mindfulness or deep breathing or a video game? I really need to keep this job to continue to provide for us and pay for our therapy.”

[@kconnor2371]

I hope the first callers marriage survives. Dr. John had some great advice. There are a lot of dangers lurking in this marriage right now. I hope some terrible, mental, gymnastics impulsive decision does not blow this up. The rest of the marriage as described by her seems like it’s a dream scenario for most people.

[@theunknown363]

Congratz on 120k john, ive been a follower since you were less than 5K. Keep doing an amazing job. Love you man

[@OfPsalmsandHymns]

John you’re amazing! I’ve learned so much from your show. Your outfits are always on point. ❤😅

[@virginiachampion9944]

THANK YOU! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!!! I LOVE YOUR KZbin CHANNEL!!!! I was introduced to your KZbin channel through another KZbinr, Dawn The Minimalist Mom. I AM HOOKED!!!!! I was hooked immediately!!!!!! I was watching Dawn's channel earlier today, the episode that you and Dawn sat down together, brilliant episode! She left the link to your channel in her description of her channel. I clicked the link and I've been binge watching/listening for about 3 hours so far!!!!!! You and your channel are so easy to relate to. You give advice directly and you are really encouraging to the people who call in with questions. Direct and Encourage, NOT Indirect and Discourage, should go hand in hand, more often than it usually does. I really like how you handle the callers' questions and how you go about helping them. Anyways, Thank You for all that you do!! Thank You for Helping and Encouraging people to be their own personal best, as well as Self-Care. Whether "their best" means that they need to rest and relax so they can be healthy and happy or that they need to stop worrying about how other people are going to feel and react when they set boundaries around the holidays, because we can only handle our own feelings and reactions! However and whatever THEIR OWN PERSONAL BEST looks like for themselves, is what they should do, that is what is most important for them. They have to take care of their own well-being first. Besides, how can anyone take care of anyone else's well-being if they don't take care of their well-being?! THANK YOU for encouraging SELF-CARE along with doing THEIR OWN PERSONAL BEST because, so so so very, often these things are overlooked and/or missed completely. So just....THANK YOU!!!! Also a random thought.... I think it's super awesome that you're based in Nashville!!!! I live about 15-20 minutes North of Nashville, in Hendersonville, TN. I just think it's super awesome that we are locals!!!!! Lol One last thing...I'm sorry that this is SO LONG!!!!! I talk 👄 and write ✍ A LOT!!!!

[@laurenmenor2034]

“America said, “hold my beer” and built even more nukes.” Welp, that’s how I’ll forever describe the Cold War from now on.

[@aprilsmith9418]

Love your show so much! I appreciate all the counsel and perspective. Even though the majority of issues are not specifically relatable, I find bits and pieces that can apply to my own relationships and past traumas. I found you on the Jordan Peterson podcast recently, and have listened to your show on binge ever since. It's so refreshing and empowering to receive advice that makes logical sense and comes from a genuine place of care. Thank you so much!!

[@kanienkehakaka]

Dr John; the man in black. Classy.

[@user-cc3db5jx6u]

Fabulous advice for the mother of an adult child with an addiction.

[@YolandeSteynFamily]

Lovr your kewl clothes. You're a legend. Luckily i am seeing a great psychologist and psychiatrist but it's really helpful to hear you explain why we act like we do.

[@SassyL62]

i feel like it’s a bit more difficult to navigate when the same sex parent passes.. there’s so much identity tied in

[@Jarcano8]

The lady that lost both her parents and has a quiet, reserved husband . . . . She sounds Very Lonely. ❤

[@Nothanksokbye]

I couldn't be social or intimate without alcohol either. I quite 8 months ago and I'm still learning how to overcome my social anxiety. My work loves to party too lol but now I just offer to be dd and try to enjoy myself the best I can. It's a process. I feel like I'm finally finding myself at 31 too. I hid behind that lifestyle since I was 16. It's a really empowering and self-aware journey that I think you'll enjoy :) maybe start lifting heavy weights too 💪 ❤

[@FaithAndRepentance]

Everything is new in early so recover y and you must change everything about yourself, everything and everyone around self while you are still adjusting to a new clearing mind and physical feelings. Hold tight! It is hard, gets easy, gets hard then 3 years later you wake up and life is great and things which were once hard now became easy. Just stay sober❤ you will see even when you don't see or feel the difference change is happening.❤ You got this

[@racheljohnson3375]

Dude, if she's on bipolar meds, she has no business drinking.

[@antonglas7488]

Third story: We can only give to a certain point, it`s not possible to help those who will not help themselves regardless of who they are. Sad but true.

[@colleenskitchen4682]

I just happened on this today. It was exactly what I needed to hear.

[@mamaslitterbug3071]

I think you are awesome!! Thank you so much for allowing God to use you and being real with your listeners!!

[@YesYesYesJeff]

"My husband never _____!" "Have you told him?" "...no..." 🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦

[@kayladepaola7463]

I love your videos, you are amazing Dr. John!! I listen everyday while i'm working.. I have to search for ones i haven't seen lol! I've been wanting to call in for so long!

[@user-ci6kx5bv6q]

My husbands family is terrible. He caught his sister’s BF cheating and told her. Mind you, it was with the same woman she busted him with multiple times with. All of a sudden the entire family hates my husband and she’s still with her cheating BF. They ignore our children and stopped including us in anything. My kids don’t get a Merry Christmas or happy bday from any of them. Even their grandma sucks. She just sent a text letting my husband know that she hasn’t forgotten about the children’s birthday that was over a month and a half ago, but will be by when she’s better. And we have seen pictures of her on Facebook Facebook Harding all over town with her boyfriend who is my husband‘s age. Disgusting. Wicked evil people out there. All she had to do was text or call the kids. They are all full of crap and don’t like that I call them out on it. My kids are better off without them in their lives. They would contribute nothing positive at all.

[@brendad122]

start your podcasts with a little history once a month? such a good story teller!

[@benascg-ll7sq]

Call 2 : still time to ask yourself " am I willing to sign up for a marriage I've had a taste of for 5 (dating) years? Sounds like signing up for sinking together in nightmare

[@blueberrylinequilting4527]

I so appreciate listening to each and every episode Dr John!

[@mermaid06]

It sounds like she is restless, possible bored or unsatisfied? Marrying young, going through alot of loss. Is she searching for something missing in her life? Great advice from John.

[@crystalmessages3089]

You are very intelligent and also have high emotional intelligence which is rare and unexpected.

[@jasonmedeiros9492]

She sounds like she wants out. But afraid of expressing that to her husband!

[@Iam...---]

Im on a binge, disclaimer to the title...only i can hurt myself. This womans story is so similar to my first marriage. People pleasing is so draining. Communication.....

[@suzannebowen9641]

Ive talked to my husband over and over. I can tell him what i need and want. I ask him over and over what he wants and needs. I get silence.. and i increasingly get more and more neglected. On top of i am getting verbally/ mentally abused

[@barbgoz6443]

I’m an RN. I stay calm in the most stressful situation. But my 12 yr old can wear me down till I loose it. Then she looses it. 🤷‍♀️. It has gotten better. Working on it 😊

[@blueseptember2174]

Have you got any tips 😅

[@lukefisch9483]

The grass is always greener on the other side, i see how frustrating that probably was hope ur still making mistakes and learning as u go so proud of u

[@jasonmedeiros9492]

A GOOD GUY TRYING FIX AND LIVE WITH BROKEN! Don’t Work!

[@FaithAndRepentance]

Can't help someone unless they are also willing to do some work to help self

[@CathyMorgan-ir7rb]

We are all Broken .. If nobody cared to help not Fix .. Then how does it help to Claim IT DONT WORK !! Maybe He Does Help ..And IT DOES WORK SOMETIMES ..Negative Opinions really don't help ,..Thanks for sharing ..But sad really... 🙂 19:43

[@TheWizardSpeaks]

Man, that story about Petrov gave me goosebumps.

[@ericmoore9444]

My wife doesn’t want me drunk or sober.

[@starlingswallow]

Eric...I'm so sorry man. That is incredibly painful. 😢 have you thought about calling in to Dr. John?

[@ericmoore9444]

I might just do it.

[@sarahalderman3126]

That’s so sad that you feel that way. Its likely not remotely true but very sad that you feel that way.

[@laveraharper9698]

Find a beautiful spiritual family and join up! There I pray she will find herself! God changes mental health if she summits to Him! I love you both, but God loves you both more! ❤ you have just received some wonderful advice from this visit ❤

[@barbgoz6443]

Just found you. I’m sticking around!

[@zandradavis1025]

I live in Berea Kentucky n would love to know this Kathy. She has told my story. 😢

[@Dutches-so3di]

Yes, Yes, Yes!!!! This is the best show ever❤❤❤love Dr. John 😊

[@user-ub9gd1pk2p]

May this show hit me hard today. Wanted to have my husband listen to the first called...she could be me aside from a few details How do you have the conversation when they are miserable most of the time?

[@BlackjackArmyCaptain]

😮 That first caller especially with the alcohol situation has almost certainly cheated already on her husband multiple times

[@bonniedunbar6717]

I don't care for those left in my family and am slowly leaving it all behind. Hoping to move to another country this Fall and feel nothing about sharing that fact with anyone.

[@Mrs.LadeyBug]

I was in Scotland during the year Oasis and the movie they were featured in debuted. Ahhhhhhhkkk! Thanks a lot. Now it’s in my head. 🙄 😂 It also happens to be when Braveheart opened. I’m not a movie fan, but the experience felt 3D as I was literally surrounded by Scots in kilts actively responding to the huge screen as if they were part of the live action and THIS was their moment of “FREEDOM!!!!”.

[@jennifertiitinen9006]

What can we do to make our lives better

[@lauraphillips7395]

Free resource for the family and friends of Drugs and/or alcohol: Nar-Anon and/or Alanon

[@robbjerls2252]

Love album in the background big fan of Hank Williams

[@salonsavy6476]

This episode was so relatable!,,

[@antonglas7488]

Second story: There are no cures for bipolar, only medications that may ease the symptoms. One moment they can be perfectly happy and the next drop to an all time low when there is no reasoning with them. If that guy wants to stand by his bipolar fiancee than what he sees is what he`s going to get. For me personally I could not live with someone who has bipolar it`s an awful lot to take on.

[@wonder12374]

Caller #1 is clearly is not attracted to or happy with her husband. She got with him young and in a state of mourning when she was at her lowest point so she entered it vulnerable soooo she made the decision to marry someone who yes was there or her and thats great but should have never led to marriage. She realized she married someone who is now not what she wants and the only way she can be intimate is if she disconnects. The fact that he has never asked why she needs to drink before sex tells me he is the type of person who never rocks the boat never confronts anything and she....is bored. He is still an emotional crutch for her and that is very unhealthy. Answer: she is 31 needs to end this and find her happy and give him a chance to find his happy. The worst thing she can do is wait another 10 years hoping he turns into the man she wishes he was.

[@om617yota8]

She owes hubby a choice, after expressing her needs clearly. You don't close a 17 year relationship without giving him the choice to step up to the plate. He might also say nope, this is who I am, you're not happy, we'll both go find other people who make us happier, but he deserves the choice.

[@wonder12374]

@@om617yota8 i understand. I feel like she owes him the truth. Not a choice because if she is miserable with him and he chooses for her to stay she does not owe him the choice to stay and be miserable. If they can work it out great but after 17 yrs something tells me waiting for him to turn into what she wants will take more years from her that she doesn't really owe to anyone but her self. She should not be 40 feeling like she wasted the last 9 years more years.

[@om617yota8]

@@wonder12374 I agree, she doesn't owe him a choice about whether or not she stays, she owes him the opportunity to step up to the plate and make her happy. Go to the gym, learn dancing, be spontaneous, whatever that is. Or say nope, this is who I am, take it or leave it. He may not even know there's a lack, so he can't respond, and he deserves to know first.

[@kirpdeb]

Hpnl

[@OM-or3im]

This line of thinking is exactly why so many people are single and miserable. People are too willing to throw away great partners in search of excitement. She obviously has intimacy issues and it’s just easier to be intimate with a random fun colleague because it’s a lot less vulnerable for her. He actually gave very good advice to this caller.

[@b.r.7079]

I hate to tell the caller with the bipolar fiance this, if you marry this gal you will REGRET IT, the Red flags are there, spare yourself . I'm sorry but can you live like that the rest of your life.? If you marry her it will only end in divorce , RETHINK THIS.

[@rayf6126]

How much of the first relationship is performative? She puts effort into dressing up for the date, drinks to become fun and comfortable, manages everything. Are these things about her and the husband or are they about being seen? It's so much pressure.

[@user-tk6qz7jh2l]

I listen in the evening. It puts me to sleep:?

[@suracharawirojratana8723]

Thank you for another wonderful episode!

[@McDinkledorfM.D]

I love John. Top bloke but that bi-polar is, at times, impossible to deal with as a spouse.

[@CassandraExtravaganza]

Keep up the good work, john 🎉

[@aembusiness]

Commenting to show my support! Keep up the great work

[@Brittany138]

You are the best! Thank you for these videos ❤

[@antonglas7488]

First story: That woman (Lee) has reached a flat level in her life and still being young she`s wanting something supplementary to the lifestyle she has with her husband. This woman is in serious risk of cheating. She only needs to be in the right environment, could be a bar or club with friends, or a male co-worker or client and after a few drinks a man she finds attractive says all the things she wants to hear, pushes the right buttons that makes her feel wanted and shows her attention, she will undoubtable go astray and cheat. I`m sure Dr John was hinting at this. In her present state of mind she is highly vulnerable to guys that would take advantage of her that I don`t think would be too difficult. Unfortunately her husband doesn`t realise his wife`s yearnings for attention and something new and exciting. If I were him I`d be watching my wife`s activities closely.

[@jeremy41234]

love the show, john. Thanks for this content

[@crazyshred]

I don’t know why but this made me tear up

[@joywebster2678]

Caller 1, the religious backgrounds impact on sex for women often is also laden with expectations that have nothing to do with the " dirty" trope. By being pure, somehow when you have sex this equally pure man will know how to be a lover, God will make the experience " glorious abd blessed". Yet so often its an awkward event, with 2 bumbling newlyweds, and no unicorns prance by, the guys done in 2 seconds, and for those with emotional, psychological wounds or poor communication, there begins a sex for duty vs passion, and a life of frustration. I watched my parents generation deal with it, my peers, and then hearing it from patients over and over.

[@Lyn-Miche77]

The first caller has been robbed of her birth parents and adoptive parents. She has a massive hole in her body which can't be filled. Husband is an anchor but alcohol is too.

[@YesYesYesJeff]

Where did the first caller learn to seek happiness outside her marriage instead of within it?

[@YesYesYesJeff]

...religious background. There it fucking is.

[@YesYesYesJeff]

Yes. 100% she drinks just to do things she otherwise feels uncomfortable doing. 100%. She just lied saying no then explained that actually the answer was clearly yes. 🤦🤦🤦

[@YesYesYesJeff]

...or maybe she's just literally an alcoholic and everything she described was the cause of her alcoholism.

[@YesYesYesJeff]

Yep...then what John next described is alcoholism. She's an alcoholic. Problem solved.

[@YesYesYesJeff]

Jesus...the hole keeps getting deeper. Maybe BPD. Honestly... something is really not right with her. 😔

[@LC-pk4zz]

Great advice JD.

[@carrielaw7671]

This show is the best PMS therapy EVER!

[@YesYesYesJeff]

Midol is better. 🙃

[@tetasnuttyworld6203]

Yes, my adult children are breaking my heart

[@Fv234pop]

please remember not to jump the shark. when you make the callers and the advice the priority you win. Ratings and rankings and look at us/me for the show is of no interest or importance to your viewership.

[@amiramahgoub]

I remembered when I used to drink I feel so hyper and my hormones level is high and I'm usually emotional.. If I tell you I love you you know that I m drunk.

[@precioushopeatchison]

Needed this. Thank you

[@kathirodden6109]

You say she’s a good mother- ask her if she was

[@Alvdz]

Wish I have seen this video 6 months ago. Would have helped me a lot. Thanks so much🙏 Talking about the second caller, I feel that if he follows the advice of taking care of himself, working, sleeping, having his own friends, exercising... I think that by a degree at the time he will push the rudder to a very safe place for him but she is not going to be able (or willing) to follow. I feel the relationship is doomed, he is going to live in a very difficult environment until she finally/somehow kicks him out of her life. "Your thoughts and your actions - Your boundaries and your choices" that's going right now to my wall.

[@TerraBella1975]

WOW....I need to call!

[@victoriamedina1906]

Good job Doc.

[@brandyk]

I have a few thoughts on the last call. I mean no disrespect whatsoever to Katherine as this may not apply to her situation at all but i do know that it applies to some/ many and proare afraid to bring it up as who wante to potentially hurt someone who is already hurting so lets pretend im taking in general or playing devils advocate. First she was not exactly being honest about the real reason for her call. She phrased it as a question about whether it was alright for her r to xyz. John thoughfuon quietly said that it was an left a long pause which is not like him but really effective sometimes. Katherine then filled in the awkward silence with her real question which is how does she deal with the grief n heartache her sons situation is causing her and has caused ber these past 10 or so years. That tells me despite going to counseling ( she never said when or how long) herself she hasn't learned to be honest about what she is really feeling and is still struggling with guilt etc. What exactly did she get out of the counseling. Her own daughter who is a police officer has had to or chosen to get pretty direct with the Mom about her brothers behavior as she is afraid for her. Im sure the mother has even downplayed some of the things the brother has said n done. Interestingly when John asked what the son was running from she said she didn't know but suspected had to do with him losing his father at 15. She mentions she n the daughter took one path in their grief but the son essentially shut down. When she said mentally ill she never said what n when they suspected this or when he actually stated using drugs. Schizophrenia is a completely different thing than depression or anxiety or whatever else they are now trying to categorize as a mental illness which only muddies the water. John said she was a good mother anr should not feel guilty and that her choices didn't lead to this but he really has no idea. There are many parents who do love or claim to love their kids n even do thing's that are above n beyond for them now sometimes even enabling bc they do have some things they did wrong that did if not cause their kids suffering certainly had a big impact. He is right that you can't turn it into shame as that becomes even more destructive to you n him and even ber relationship with her daughter ( something also not really mentioned aside from jer being a police office n warning the mother) It would not be at all surprising if she had a less than great realtionship with the daughter. Often times siblings get involved by trying to protect their Mom by a sibling they too love but not as willing to enable as a parent would be. This can lead to a lot of hard feelings bc the parent does not want to be told what to do or not do by their daughter and since the daughter is seemingly doing well and at least not someone she has to worry about offending or angering as much, whatever anger Mom has built up and can't express to the son she may lash out at the daughter. I also noticed that the Mom said he was 30 but quickly added "almost 31". Why did she feel the need to be that specific? Its almost like she wanted to make him sound worse. But there's really no discernible difference especially not in the call. This again suggests alot of guilt n shame bc she is almost going out of her way to make him sound worse n therefore ber more correct n justified in breaking contact. The reaou earlier said that I don't think it's John's place to say people are good parents or shouldn't feel guilty too often when he really cant know the full story is that it usually doesn't even help the caller. Someone can tell me i should not feel guilty about something but if they dont know the whole story and i of course do n do habe several things i regret that may actually have led to someone suffering or i could have helped reduce their suffering and didn't, I'm still going to feel guilty. Wnat i would need is to work out that very specific guilt with someone. Not pretending or wishing it away. Many parents love to say" Nobody is perfect" but that too doesn't resolve actual guilt or shame for what that non perfection looked like. You also hear people say that they did the best they could or kind hearted people say this to them and again it rings hollow. Most parents who have guilt and shame will lash out at someone so its likely she made the situation with the son worse over the years perhaps when she was less understanding. Maybe and again im not saying Katherine specifically but many parents will try to guilt the adult child bu saying they are negatively impacting their relationship with the new spouse and this isnt usually a lie but not exactly something you should say. Have the boundaries but you dont need to heep on guilt and shame..All im saying is there is usually a lot more to these calls and even though a parent may be heartbroken in some ways a of them are unwillingness to do what they need to do to get healthy n take ownership of their failings or misdeeds. Often what happens is one person in the family becomes the person that needs to be fixed and the otjers the wonderfully healthy,loving n long suffering family members who just want "them" to get "fixed".

[@abbasjoy4785]

Second guy was deflecting a lot. Even when Dr. John clearly asked him who said hurtful stuff to whom, he still didn't answer the question... basically she's the problem, he has done nothing wrong. She probably lost it when after 5 years you still didn't marry her.

[@jenisblessed2200]

Love this show

[@frynotfray]

Those are some cool clothes John!