As the autism mask falls...unexpected experiences - does anyone else have these?

I wasn't really expecting to have this, but I am finding that I am starting to feel things a bit more now that I am not gaslighting my feelings. That, as I let the mask fade, I am going through things that I have not before. Even though its affected my sleep (apology for the unkempt hair!), I'm don't feel like its a bad thing, just something I've never let myself feel before. Is anyone else experiencing this?
Thank you for watching my videos and commenting, it is so wonderful to hear other people's experiences and is helping me, and I hope it helps others too.

[@MsLisa551]

Thank you for sharing. Yes.. I'm experiencing the same. It's been about 6 months on this journey. You are beautiful as you are. I have been living as a professional high masked woman in the beauty industry for many years. I am now able to be free from that. No makeup, no botox, just me in my flesh. ❤

[@TheGreatReveal]

Yes, the not wearing make up thing is a big thing for me to confront. I contemplated deleting this video after I put it up just because I was not polished in it. I'm glad I didn't now, and I'm working on being my wonderful self without the war paint on. Thank you for sharing!

[@davidrichards9898]

I am about 6 months "ahead" of you. As well as all you have commonly read I do want to point out my very personal observations which may be unique to me or I just notice people pointing it out. Its more subtle to me but part of it certainly relates to your video. My theory is autism revolves around 2 words no one says enough about. You mentioned one of them. Understanding. Understanding the real self and your need for others to understand the real you. Each time my neurotypical wife has grasped something new its the greatest gift ever for me and I think its a relief for her. Because its not just tough on us. I am also grasping more and more and these are only less spectacular because they are more common. The other word is related to sensory and the word is sensitive. I think they need to stretch the concept of sensory beyond senses such as sight, sound...etc to include emotions. Might be better word for emotions. Every autist seems super sensitive and I am sure this is due to the autistic experience. I think we have very prickly Amygdalas that are constantly searching the world for threats. Or even as you mentioned more positively, your premonition ability. Despite lecturing please know I am gobbling up all you say and adding to my knowledge and this is merely something I find particularly pertinent. The autistic experience has similarities but I think we arrive at similar conclusions on vastly different paths and experiences. Just as we are each vastly different people.

[@tracirex]

yes, many of us have very similar experiences. once you know you are masking, you will not want to tolerate discomfort. you cant un-see the truth. even if you are technically safe in a crowded area, you are still being exposed to sensory over-stimulation. dont try to talk yourself out of it. try to protect your senses.

[@frantri3246]

Hi! I'm in the same situation as you. I think part of my mask is numbing myself so that I can get through situations in public areas. E.g. shopping always was stressfull and I was extremely exhausted afterwards. Since I (try to) unmask I feel that these feelings got amplified - everything is so much louder, much more people around, blinking brighter, smells are more intense... I now only go shopping when I need to because I'm running out of food. I'm even eating pure boiled rice the final days, because I just don't want to go shopping. And I often have bad/no sleep - which badly impacts the following days, I have to be careful to not run into burnout. It might be that you experience something similar to that.

[@TheGreatReveal]

Thank you so much for sharing! I think I usually do numb myself too, like it's a self-preservation approach to cope, but there is payback with that too. I get burnout from not acknowledging my sensitivities and feelings, and now I'm starting to see that I'll get burnout if I unmask and try to carry on like I did before. This realisation of knowing that I may have to adapt my life seems obvious but I hadn't really thought of it before like this.

[@erinb2887]

Thank you, me too💓

[@frantri3246]

@@TheGreatReveal I recently came across dissociation (separating your conscious mind from your body, e.g. in case of a traumatic event - daydreaming is a mild form of dissociation). I realized that I do it a lot. And I think this is the mechanism that does the numbing. What's your thought on that?

[@N4BWR]

For me, it's been a sense of more self awareness and self compassion and just giving myself permission to feel what I feel. It sounds silly, but the other day, I felt like I intentionally gave myself permission to put my sweatshirt on, be in more comfortable clothing, and just listen to music (which has always been incredibly powerful to me). This entire process has felt like blanket permission to be my true self, so now masking does not feel honest anymore

[@TheGreatReveal]

It doesn't sound silly at all. I think I have often had to do that, give myself permission to give myself what I need. Sometimes it has been changing my clothes too, or even having a shower which I feel resets me sometimes, if that makes sense.

[@Hermitthecog]

I'm coming up on two years since my diagnosis, this is very familiar. It can be quite a challenge to process a new perspective and all the accompanying feelings and reflections; so, remember to be patient with yourself. This is your journey and you're free to explore at your own pace. I highly recommend Brian Eno's album "Ambient 1: Music for Airports" as music therapy (after many repeat listens I can emphatically attest to its efficacy.)

[@TheGreatReveal]

Thank you for sharing that music recommendation, I will definitely put that on.